Jezebel: The Simpsons

Lisa Simpson Becomes A Crosswords Wiz

Tracie — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 15:00:00 EST

On last night's episode of The Simpsons, Lisa became a crossword addict. She became so good that she entered into crossword competitions, and Homer saw it as an opportunity to make money by betting against her. After finding this out, Lisa got so pissed off that she changed her last name to her mother's maiden name Bouvier, and Homer realized that the only way he could communicate with her to apologize was to through a crossword puzzle, so he got famed New York Times crossword editor Will Shortz to help him. Clip above.

Two great tastes that taste great together: ...

Tracie — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 09:40:00 EST

Two great tastes that taste great together: Will Shortz and The Simpsons. The New York Times crossword editor will be appearing on the cartoon this Sunday, and that same day, The New York Times will feature a Simpsons-themed puzzle. What would be a clue for Nelson Muntz's derisive "Hah Hah!"? [NY Observer]

Celebs Are Psyched About America's New President

Dodai — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 09:00:00 EST

Good Morning, you have new president. His name is Barack Obama. No, he cannot start today. But soon. And he says: "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy… tonight is your answer." [People]
Oprah on Barack Obama's win: "It's one of the greatest moments I could ever even imagine. That's how great it is." [ET]
Courteney Cox and David Arquette hosted a Barack Obama victory party at their house in Beverly Hills. Jennifer Aniston, Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher were in attendance; champagne was had. Meanwhile, in Chicago, Brad Pitt and Oprah Winfrey watched Obama's speech live. Also psyched: George Clooney and Usher. [E!]
George Clooney: "I congratulate President-elect Obama on his historic victory, and now it's time to begin unifying the country so we can take on the extraordinary challenges that this generation faces." [ET]
Oprah again: "This is democracy at its finest." [ET]
In other news, Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with twins. Supposedly. More in Midweek Madness. [Star]

Britney Spears is on the cover of Australian Cosmopolitan, and they used a photograph tat is five years old. She looks good, though. [TMZ]
Nikki Blonsky will guest star on Ugly Betty as an assistant from a rival magazine. Will there be an airport-style kerfluffle? [E!]
Perez Hilton got served! With legal papers: Liz Silver, who runs the Web site PerezRevenge.com, is accusing him of plagiarism and copyright infringement. She had a friend crash his Halloween party and hand him papers. [Page Six]
Blind items! 1. "Which aggressive TV, stage and movie actor has a shady past? Rumor is he sexually assaulted a girl while in high school and his family had the situation 'swept under the rug.' 2. "Which screen god isn't as happy as he and his paramour would like the world to think? Whenever the couple and their children are in LA, he 'goes to a bar in a Beverly Hills hotel and drinks for hours before going home." 3. "Which oft-photographed socialite/designer is losing her grip on the fashion world? Luxury brands no longer send her clothing and accessories and don't want her in their ad campaigns." [Page Six]
Holly Madison is "depressed" about calling it quits with Hugh Hefner, but basically, she claims, "I got too old for Hef." Yeah, that's right: She's 28 and too old for the original Playboy. She now sleeps in a guest room. "I still work for him. We're still best friends. I still call and check in on him almost everyday." [Newser via Extra]
More from Holly: "It might be refreshing to date someone who is not high maintenance. Sorry, Hef, you know you're high maintenance. I love you but you know you're high maintenance." [Perez Hilton]
The rest of Janet Jackson's tour: Officially canceled. They say scheduling conflicts. Could it also be vertigo? Or crappy ticket sales? [Perez Hilton]
Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty are both off of NME's "Cool List" this year. Drugs and jail are bad for your career, kids! [The Sun]
CNN's Christiane Amanpour may finally get her own show. It's about time! [Page Six]
A top Hollywood agent — who repped Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Aniston and Matthew McConaughey — insulted his clients, stole gifts sent to them, and discussed their private parts, a lawsuit alleges. [Page Six]
Angelina Jolie explains War and Peace in her household: "We don't take war and violence lightly, but we don't hide it from anybody. Listen, my kids play video games. I let them play with toy soldiers. We say, 'Mommy and Daddy have movies where we play these characters, but there's real death and real violence in the world. There's a real responsibility there to create in their minds the difference between the two." Also, when Mommy visits Afghanistan, she wears a flak jacket. [People]
Anne Hathaway's new man is an actor named Adam Shulman. He's cute. [Perez Hilton]
The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) is not happy about when Nelson's use of "that's so gay" in a scene with Milhouse on The Simpsons. [TMZ, E!]
50 Cent's new TV show, 50 Cent: The Money and the Power, airs tomorrow on MTV. Fourteen "wannabe moguls" compete to earn a $100,000 investment from the rapper by doing challenges like walking through Brooklyn chained together. No, really. There's a clip. [People]
Christina Aguilera's new TV commercial for Target has a comic-book feel, meaning she wears a red jumpsuit and a cape. At least she seems to know who Roy Lichtenstein is. (There's video of her talking about the spot.) [People]
Don't tell anyone, but Keanu Reeves is a secret genius. He reads Proust and stuff. Shh! [Newser via Details]
Cammy Diaz: Seen smoking like a fiend and being rude at Drew Barrymore's Halloween party. [Page Six]
Charlie Sheen left his pregnant wife at home to go party at get lap dances in Las Vegas because he is Charlie Sheen. [Star]
Guy Ritchie has hired a top family lawyer to handle his custody battle with Madonna. She's already got a top divorce lawyer. Ever heard the joke about he little girl at the cemetery? She asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" Her mom said, "Of course not, Why would you think that?" And the girl answered: "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'" [Daily Mail]
Guy Ritchie went out for drinks and now the Brit tabs are calling him "Tipsy Ritchie." [The Sun]
Tina Fey's Emmys and SNL appearances may be translating into more 30 Rock viewers. She deserves it! [AP]
Hindu leaders are not amused by Heidi Klum's Kali Halloween costume. [Best Week Ever]
Katie Holmes and Rebecca Gayheart were friends 16 years ago, way before Katie met Tom Cruise. According to Roger Friedman, after Katie met Tom, "Gayheart, like most of Holmes’s friends, never saw her or heard from her again." But now Gayheart's in a Broadway play right around the corner from All My Sons. Will they reunite? [Fox 411]
Have mercy: Janice Dickinson was on some afternoon court TV show, being sued by one of her former models. Judge Christina (???) listened to her crazy-ass defense are ruled in her favor. [ONTD]
Sharon Osbourne on Simon Cowell's break-up: "He deserves it. He's a t****r, that's the truth." Hmm, what's that word there? Tosser? Anyone? [Mirror]
Simon Cowell gave Terri Seymour $5 million cash and another $4.6 to buy a Beverly Hills home as a parting gift. Simon, break up with me next! [MSNBC]
Oh, and Simon says: "Don't worry about me - I don't need a lonely hearts ad. I'm off women now." [Mirror]
Daniel Craig in a Bollywood film? "I am open to offers from India… Till now I haven't been fortunate enough to get hold of an Indian movie. But yes, I will be very honoured and excited to work with an Indian actor or actress on any given chance. I also feel very obliged for the immense popularity which I enjoy in this part of the world." [ONTD]
Katie "Jordan" Price was named Britain's Best-Loved Celebrity Mum because "she's not perfect." [Mirror]
Liz Hurley's husband likes it when she dresses like a tart. "Like the vast majority of men, Arun likes short, tight, sexy dresses." Here's the good news: So does Liz. [The Sun]
Expect to see a lot of Jennifer Hudson headlines like this (this isn't the first one): "Hudson Begged Mother To Move Out Of Neighborhood." [Daily Express]
Denis Leary is the voice of Ford Trucks. Don't worry, he makes no mention of autism in the commercials. [Business Week]
Singer Duffy accidentally set her hair on fire in her dressing room in Cleveland. Candles are soothing yet dangerous! [ONTD]
Matthew Broderick quotes Ferris Bueller in this prObama video. [Newser via HuffPo]
Carrie Underwood won't tell you who she voted for, so stop asking. [People]
Cindy McCain "has this evil queen beauty about her," quoth Project Runway's Austin Scarlett, whilst seen voting in New York. [NY Observer]
Apropos of nothing: "Mariah Carey's Top 10 Maddest Moments." [Mirror]
Audrina of The Hills moved out but LC was cool with it blahblahblah JustinBobby blahblahblah. [People]
Corrie Loftin of Paris Hilton's My New BFF was once ins a Girls Gone Wild video. And hanging out with Paris is different… how? [E!]
"Sporty Spice," Mel C says: "I know there’s been a lot of things written recently saying I’m getting married and they’ve said the date and the church and that Victoria’s organizing it, but, no, we’ve got no plans." Seems she wants to have the baby first. [The Sun]
Did Ivana Trump's young Italian husband cheat on her with a hot Italian model? "Nothing sexual happened. That I know for sure," she writes in Page Six Magazine. "I'm not going to make any other comment until I speak to him." Good idea! [Page Six]
Selena Gomez, 16-year-old budding Disney star, was asked if she reads tabloids: "Recently, I have not. I'm actually very, very proud of myself. Honestly, the blog sites and everything — I'd be on them nonstop. I've gone four weeks total without looking at them and I'm very proud and very happy. I was addicted. It was bad." [LA Times]
Courtenay Semel's dad, former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, has cut her off. What's a girl to do? A reality show, obvs. [Page Six]
For the last time: Joe The Plumber did not hook up with any SNL cast member. [Politico]
Simply Red's Mick Hucknall, yes, that's right, Mick Hucknall, paid £29,000 for a pair of David Beckham's football cleats in 2002 and they seem to have lost about £25,000 in value since then. Surely he's wishing he really could be holding back the years. [Mirror]
Reading about Bianca Jagger being in an argument over a €200,000 ring she lost in Salzburg earlier this year is like reading about a goblin surfing on Mars: Sounds interesting, but I just can't relate. [Yahoo News]
Very cool, worth-your-while profile of Diahann Carroll. She says: "Dynasty was rather marvellous, you know. It was all about the clothes. The most important thing about the day was wardrobe, and of course I explained to Aaron [Spelling] I didn't want to be on the show unless I could be bitchy." She also says: "I lost two children [to miscarriage]. That's why when we talk about racism it will always take third, fourth, fifth place to some of the other things that have happened to me that are much more meaningful than being in a room with an idiot who is going to judge the color of my skin." [Guardian]
"Having a love is a gigantic bonus in life, but I wasn't unhappy when I was single, either. (John)'s just fun, so much fun. I'm very happy now." Bo Derek, who's living with John Corbett, aka Aidan from Sex And The City. [The Sun]
"I enjoyed being Mayor of Carmel, but you do see that it is very difficult to get things done. You just have to lose your soul. You have to bullshit people. You have to deal with people you don't care for and will never be friends with, so you kind of sell yourself out to be a politician. You have to kiss it up with the world. That ain't my style." — Clint Eastwood. [Daily Express]
"I'd always fall for guys I wanted to save. For the first time, I fell in love with someone who saved me." — Jessica Simpson on Tony Romo. [People]
"I would rather be sexy like Simone Signoret or Anna Magnani than like - oy, vey - Paris Hilton" - Erica Jong to More. [Page Six]
"Barack Obama's treated like the Messiah in England. We don't have particularly inspirational politicians, certainly no one who can draw crowds in the thousands." — Daniel Radcliffe. [Page Six]
"I think every black kid will tomorrow will be one inch taller when he goes to school. And I think everyone will be energized. And a lot of people who had given up hope in the last seven eight years are hopeful." — Richard Belzer. [Observer]

"It's The Grand Pumpkin, Milhouse!"

Tracie — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 11:00:00 EST

Last night was the 19th annual "Treehouse of Horror" episode on The Simpsons. As mentioned before, they spoofed the opening credits of Mad Men for one segment, and for the final bit, they spoofed the Peanuts classic It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! In it, Milhouse — who plays the Linus character — believes that the Grand Pumpkin will rise on Halloween and give candy to kids who truly believe in him. Lisa is supposed to be Sally, but instead of being a ghost, she dresses up in what Milhouse thinks is a witch costume, but she corrects him, telling him that she's actually a Wiccan. Clip above.

On Sunday, November 2, is the The Simpsons ...

Tracie — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 10:20:00 EDT

On Sunday, November 2, is the The Simpsons 19th "Treehouse of Horror" Halloween episode. This year, the show will have a Mad Men spoof in a segment called "How to Get Ahead in Dead-Vertising"…and it leaked! It looks like they've only spoofed the opening credits of Mad Men, but they did a damn near perfect job. (Click image to view video.) [NY Mag, via Videogum]

To celebrate the premiere of the 20th season ...

Tracie — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 10:40:00 EDT

To celebrate the premiere of the 20th season (can you believe it's been 20 friggin' years!?) of The Simpsons, National Geographic interviewed our feminist hero Lisa Simpson about the environment. When asked if she subscribes to the magazine, she answered, "No, but we’d read it in the library, if we ever went to the library, which we don’t because crazy homeless people hang out there, like my Grampa." [National Geographic]

Happy Father's Day, Love Lisa Simpson

Tracie — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:00:00 EDT

We meant to include this clip in our Lisa Simpson feminist montage, but we totally forgot to add it. (Oops!) But no harm done, because it actually is the perfect thing to post at the end of this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week, as it's all about Father's Day and unicorns(!). Lisa decides to make a heartfelt gift for her dad (a crafty little book featuring father and daughter unicorns riding off into the sunset on the backs of ponies), instead of just buying something impersonal, but Homer, being a jerkass, stomps all over her feelings when he isn't very thrilled to receive it. It puts Lisa in a bad mood, and she has a freak out at school. Clip above.

Eariler: Lisa Simpson: Feminist Hero
The First Unicorn
What's The Deal With The Relationship Between Girls And Unicorns?

Lisa Simpson: Feminist Hero

Tracie — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 19:00:00 EDT

I've always sort of thought of Lisa Simpson as a Jezebel-in-training, what with her activism, enthusiasm for hobbies and books, love of cartoons and animals, and regard for feelings and unicorns, but it recently dawned on me that Lisa might just be the most visible, mainstream feminist of our time. I never thought I could worship a fictional 8-year-old so much. So here's a compilation of the best of Lisa's most Jezebelian moments. Enjoy!

Strippers Lose Jobs To The Internet • The Simpsons Are Back on Venezuelan TV

maria — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:30:00 EDT

Print journalists aren't the only ones losing jobs, strippers feel the burden of the digital age. • Iranian says Barbies are "destructive" and must be stopped. • Incarcerated 400-pound man loses 100 pounds, sues county for underfeeding. • Six conservative women talk about dating whiny liberal men. • Two teenagers are jailed for life for killing a goth woman. • Mexicans try to quell the anti-emo riots by promoting diversity among teens. • Lourdes basically has the coolest mom hand-me-downs to pick from. • National Lampoon launches website to rate prostitutes. • Scientists just realize that periods are awesome, can repair hearts. • American Family Association attack soap on lackluster gay kiss. • An ironically long article on shorthand text speak, lol grwn ups r so lam3! • The Simpsons are back in Venezuela! • Baseball star Roger Clemens had a relationship with Mindy McCready when she was 15 years old (he was 28 and married). • Easy mistake to make: Woman attacks boyfriend, thinking he is a porn actor. • "Chinese eatery specializes in penis." That is all you need to know.

The Simpsons: Muumuus Are The Uniform For Working From Home

Tracie — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 19:00:00 EDT

Last night, a rerun of The Simpsons aired in which Homer purposely gains weight so he can live out his dream: Working from home. As someone who works from home, I can tell you that when you aren't required to be around other human beings for days on end, things like diet, hygiene and wardrobe quickly plummet on your list of priorities. It's really easy to wake up in the morning, roll over and start working from bed, transition to the couch and never once make a pit stop to put on a bra, brush your teeth or take a shower. And the constant snacking and sedentary lifestyle can make wearing pants, well, uncomfortable, so I could totally relate to the scene of Homer shopping for some work clothes, and picking out a muumuu. Clip above.

Lisa Simpson's Feminist Heroes Were All Smokers

Tracie — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 19:00:00 EDT

Last night's episode of The Simpsons struck a particular chord with me because it was all about Lisa's newfound interest in smoking, which she undertakes in order to lose weight and handle the stress of ballet class. I quit smoking in April 2003 with the help of Zyban, but about a month ago, I picked it up again, due to stress from my job, and admittedly, a desire to avoid stuffing my face with food while I'm at home all day. In the clip above, Lisa is visited by smoke ghosts in the forms of her feminist heroes — Lillian Hellman, Queen Elizabeth I, Margaret Mead, Lauren Bacall [A ghost? Isn't Bacall still alive? -Ed.] — who underscore the fact that millions of otherwise-intelligent women fall prey to the "allure" of cigarettes. And with that I say: "This one is my last pack. I swear!"

We Choo Choo Choose Ralph Wiggum

Slut Machine — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 13:00:00 EST

Back on The Simpsons season four, when Ralph Wiggum was just a dumb loser—before he evolved into the lovable mildly retarded kid we cherish today—he fell in love with Lisa Simpson because she was the only kid with room enough in her bleeding heart to give the reject in the class a Valentine's Day card. "I Choo Choo Choose You" is such a classic that it really should be sold in stores. But since it's not (at least to our knowledge), you can go here, and print out a high-res version for your Valentine today.

Lisa Simpson Is A Ghost World Fan

Slut Machine — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:40:00 EST

Last night's Simpsons episode was a rerun, but a good one. Comic Book Guy goes out of business because an alternative comic book store opens across the street, providing a better and cooler service to the kids of Springfield. The Simpsons attend an in-store signing with Maus author Art Spiegelman, Watchmen author and notorious recluse Alan Moore, and Daniel Clowes, creator of Ghost World. Unsurprisingly, Lisa Simpson is a Ghost World fan, because it makes her feel "less alone." She'd totally be a Jezebel reader if she were human!

The Simpsons Makes Us Laugh At Sexist Beer Commercials

Slut Machine — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 11:00:00 EST

The clip above, a Duff commercial from an old Simpsons episode that shows how beer can make humorless feminists into sexy ladies, reminded us that the Super Bowl is this Sunday. (Want a "girls' guide" to the game? Click here.) And even though some of us aren't into football, the NFL championship game is still a big deal, if only for the big budget, often-sexist commercials shown in between plays. Sure, the bikini-babe factor during the Super Bowl festivities seems to have been toned down over the past few years (thanks Janet Jackson!) but we're still gonna tune in this Sunday to see if there's something we can get pissed off about.

Related: Football...For Ladies [Radar]
2008 Lingerie Bowl Canceled [UPI]

Marge Simpson's Brief Brush With Radical Feminism In The '90s

Slut Machine — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 18:00:00 EST

Last night's episode of The Simpsons was a flashback look at Marge and Homer's life in the early '90s before they were married, when Homer was in a grunge band called Sadgasm and Marge had a Melrose Place-y hairdo while attending college. The nearly didn't make it, since Marge briefly fell in love with her douche bag professor — a male feminist who tries to tell women how they should behave and who they should be. The Simpsons writers nailed his type perfectly. Clip above.

Reader Roundup

Jessica — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 16:45:00 EST

Best Comment of the Day, in response to Lisa Simpson's Love/Hate Relationship With A Girl Named Stacy: "Oh, you're right, Malibu Stacy. Fuck grad school. I'ma focus on getting back to my birth weight." We say: 6 pounds, 9 ounces of pure SEXY! • Worst, in response to Tom Cruise's Grip On Katie: Courtly? Or Controlling?: "TOM U R SO TINY AND CUTE. 2 BAD U HAVE SUCH A BIG A..H..., DONT FALL INTO YOURSELF. DID YOUR MOMMY WASH U TOO MUCH IS THAT WHY YOU SHRUNK?" We say: someone's been hanging out with Mrs. Dranklesworth today.

[Image via Oh! My God! I Miss You ]

Lisa Simpson's Love/Hate Relationship With A "Girl" Named Stacy

Slut Machine — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 19:00:00 EST

Lisa Simpson is sort of the cartoon embodiment of a young Jezebel. [Here's the cartoon embodiment of an old one. -Ed.] She's curious, outspoken, dedicated, and tries to be socially-conscious. But she's still vulnerable to the trappings of femininity, like body image issues, and easily seduced by the fun indulgences of girlhood, like ponies, unicorns, and her Malibu Stacy doll. In a clip from an old Simpsons episode, Lisa comes to the same realization about Stacy that most of us came to about Barbie — that her image and cultivated personality are sexist representations of women. The problem is, she is fun, and pretty, and lives in a pink mansion! God! Why is being a girl so fucking complicated?

Dear Lisa Simpson: We Feel You On The Body Dysmorphia Thing

Slut Machine — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 19:00:00 EST

This clip is from a Simpsons episode that originally aired in 2004 as part of the series' 16th season, but we caught a recent rerun of it and it struck us that it might just be one of the best Simpsons episodes ever. It's the one where Marge takes Nelson under her wing, but what's even better is the subplot in which Lisa develops an eating disorder after girls at school make fun of her for having a big butt. The stuff she goes through is cartoonish, obvs, but she really hits a nerve when she says, "I know this obsession with thinness is unhealthy and anti-feminist...but that's what a fat girl would say!" Anyway, as Homer would say, this episode is funny 'cause it's true — in a sort of painful way. (Oh, and BTW, we left in the part where Nelson's mom's panties fall down. You're welcome.)

Jezebels

Jennifer — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 12:45:00 EST

Speaking of sports! Even macho, angry sports fans are talking about Jezebel. The name, that is. An irate Dallas Cowboys fan called into ESPN radio the other day, expressing his disdain for the woman who is leading to the demise of the Cowboys: Jessica Simpson. Said the caller: "Man, you know women and sports don't mix. This Jezebel Simpson..." Maybe he was just mixing up Jessica and the real Jezebel Simpson? [GMA]

Pigs On The Wing

Anna — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 17:40:00 EST

Two Pink Floyd "Animals" references in major pop culture offerings within the space of two years? First there was Children of Men; now Rolling Stone reports that, in honor of the release of the DVD of The Simpsons Movie in Britain tomorrow, workers inflated and sailed a giant inflatable pig above London's Battersea Power Station. There's even a video. This may be interesting to no one but me (Anna), but there's fuck-all going on today, so there you have it. [Rolling Stone]

A Simpsons Halloween Clip To Scare The Weave Off Tyra's Head

Tracie — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 16:00:00 EDT

Did you know that Tyra Banks is afraid of dolphins? She once told People magazine "I've been afraid of [dolphins] ever since I was 8 or 9. I have dreams that I am in a pool and there are dolphins bumping me and I'm frightened." We've really always loved this phobia of hers, because like Tyra herself, it's sofa king ridiculous. So, as a Halloween treat, let's scare Tyra with this old "Treehouse of Horror" Simpsons Halloween special, in which killer dolphins take over Springfield.