41-year-old Seymour, who married Brant 16 years ago, filed for divorce in March of this year. Seymour alleges that Brant "harassed and intimidated" their three children, ages 5, 13, and 15, and told both domestic staff and their youngest daughter's school not to let her near the kids. For his part, Brant alleges that Seymour took the children to San Diego, where she has family, and then jetted off to Las Vegas to see "a male friend." Brant is apparently also the kind of guy to have commissioned a bust of his wife, from the artist Maurizio Cattelan, that viewers liken to a hunting trophy.

The two each continue to reside at their large Connecticut estate, which — in addition to Brant's polo team and prized ponies — has several houses. ($500,000 a month in maintenance ought to buy one at least that much.) This has caused problems. Seymour says a security guard in Brant's employ assaulted her; the guard has filed a countersuit saying that Seymour assaulted him. And everyone is fighting over art. Lots of fancy art:

Another filing accused him of spiriting a small museum's worth of artworks from "the marital residence" without Seymour's consent, a haul that allegedly included nearly 50 Warhols-Brant had a long association with the artist-as well as works by Koons and Prince, not to mention some drawings by Jean-Michel Basquiat that had hung in Seymour's bathroom and a pair of Cindy Sherman photos allegedly pilfered from her dressing room.

...Yet another filing accused her of making off with her own Sotheby's lot: five more Warhols, another Cindy Sherman, five Tiffany picture frames, and a leopard throw rug. (The filing doesn't say if it was genuine leopard.) But her greatest sin, in Brant's view, may have been that she supposedly loaded the valuable and delicate artworks into the back of her S.U.V. as casually as if they had been soccer gear or lacrosse sticks.

Oh, please. Like that caliber of wealth would have faux leopard anything.

In some ways, the write-around reads like it was composed essentially to offer Vanity Fair a reason to publish these recent Mario Testino shots of Seymour. Which, in the context of a discussion that references assault allegations and, you know, human heartbreak — there are children involved! — really is tacky as all hell.

Gaetano Ferrero, one of Brant's lawyers, takes the ugliness in stride: "Suffice to say that there are a lot of allegations and cross-allegations going back and forth. I don't think either [Seymour's counsel Thomas Colin] or myself would tell you that we know who is right and who is wrong. We have been doing this much too long to simply take our clients' word for it."

First, The Gloves Come Off [VF]

Earlier:
The Supermodel's Household Savings Plan

Not content with merely inflicting her tiny woman, huge dress fashion sense on all of us via her own reality show, red carpet bons mots, and the public appearances of her celebrity clients, such as Anne Hathaway, Kate Hudson, and Jennifer Garner, Hollywood's famous/notorious stylist set her itchy pulling fingers to shaping an ideal summer wardrobe for the stylish American woman. Maybe this is the kind of thing we can expect from her own — allegedly affordable — future clothing line. And gosh, what a lot of stuff there is!

1. Blazer and t-shirt: Phillip Lim, jeans: Bird by Juicy Couture.
The 3.1 Phillip Lim tuxedo jacket is from the unreleased Fall 2009 collection, so it's not priced yet. A very similar jacket by Lim from Spring 2009 retailed for $630. The Bird by Juicy Couture jeans, also not available in stores until fall, are $248.

2. Metallic jacket: Bally
This Bally leather jacket won't hit stores until this fall, but the brand's leather jackets usually run around 2,000 Euros.

3. Leather Leggings: Bird by Juicy Couture
Bird is Juicy Couture's new line, and it's being introduced this fall. Its price point will be higher than regular Juicy, but lower than Couture Couture, which the company was recently forced to close. Pricing information for all the pieces isn't yet available, but the collection as a whole tops out at $600. Given the expense of leather, we wager these pants are near the higher end of the scale, so let's estimate the leggings at $500.

4. Dress: Kate Moss for Topshop
This sequined baby costs $270.

5. Gold sequin skirt and coat: Phillip Lim
Phillip Lim sheepskin coat and sequined skirt are both Fall 2009, and haven't been priced yet. Zoe is pushing Lim so hard she's not only promoting sheepskin as a summer staple — she's wearing it herself in EW's photo shoot. Zoe's clients also regularly wear 3.1 Phillip Lim. For example, Kate Hudson, pictured.

6. Black sequin tunic: Gucci
This is another piece from Fall 2009 — the Gucci collection that earned comparisons to Bebe. The fact that she of the prominent clavicle would recommend so much fall clothing for a summer must-have list betrays a touching innocence of the realities of fashion-loving non-celebrity women, for whom shopping options are limited to what's actually in stores. (No phonecall to a designer friend's showroom to pull a special piece for us.) Which begs the question, why have someone of Zoe's limited perspective even bother with a "must-have" list for a mass audience?

7. Wrap dress: Kate Moss for Topshop, $250
Oh, right: so she can plug her friend Kate Moss's overpriced Topshop line, which in this array starts to look almost affordable.

8. Silk tunic: Matthew Williamson for H&M
The multi-colored chiffon tunic Zoe chose to highlight is, like the rest of Williamson's collection for the chain, sold out. But you might find one on eBay for around $100.

9. Gold peep-toe shoes: Christian Louboutin
$795

10. Purse: Chanel/Resurrection Vintage
Resurrection Vintage is a shop Rachel Zoe often pulls from. A helpful woman at the shop informed us that this patent-leather Chanel XL Jumbo bag is $3,500.

11. Essie nail polish, OPI nail polish, Givenchy Phenomen'eyes mascara, Leica C-Lux 3 camera
Nail polish $8, $8.50, Leica camera $599, mascara, $28.

12. Straw tote: H&M, $40, white tunic: H&M, $35

13. Towels: Missoni Home, Bikini: Missoni
Missoni Home towels, Zoe says, are "a great way of mixing fashion and function." The largest bath towel size from Missoni Home costs $134. Missoni Bikinis from Net-A-Porter start at $365.

14. Brown sandals: Dior
$740

15. Hair products: Byron Williams
The three items pictured are $18, $18.50, and $18.

16. Bib necklace: Louis Vuitton
Not yet available to the public, and not yet priced. Says Zoe: "That's going to be on my neck four out of seven days a week for the next few months." Then it will be thrown down the memory hole and replaced with something shinier and more expensive! That's fashion, darlings.

17. Bracelets: Genevieve Jones
Genevieve Jones' snake bracelets cost $1,050 apiece. Zoe included three of them.

18. Lucite jewelry: Alexis Bittar
The pieces included are: a $395 pair of earrings, a $225 ring, a $250 ring, a $125 ring, an $85 bangle, a $225 bangle, and a $425 bangle.

19. Bracelets and ring: Kathy Rose
The ring is $4,900, the bracelets are $3,600 and $4,200.

20. Deco cuff: Chanel
Regular plastic Chanel cuffs sell for around $150, but fancier ones like this can cost $950, which is what we'll estimate this unreleased bauble to fetch.

21. Gold bracelets and necklace: Chanel/Resurrection Vintage
These trinkets are $1,100 (bracelet) and $795 (necklace). The necklace is 20% off.

22. Sunglasses: Tom Ford "Claudio" and "Scarlett" styles
These are $400 each, and Zoe must have three of them.

23. Teal jeans: Matthew Williamson for H&M
This wildly popular collection is already sold out, but keeping a watchful eye on eBay might snag you a pair for $100.

24. Dark jeans: 7 For All Mankind "Ginger" style
Zoe remembered to price these herself, at $155.

25. Clutches: Louis Vuitton
The "African Queen" clutch is $2,580 on Louis Vuitton's website, and it's so "perfect" Zoe needs two of them.

26. Cardigan and jeans: Kate Moss for Topshop
These cost $180 and $100, respectively.

27. Sneakers: Adidas by Stella McCartney, $110
Says the Zoe herself: "I don't own sneakers, but if you're going to do it, add a fashion splash."

28. T-shirts: American Apparel, $19
With six rolled up, that's a total cost of $114.

29. Metallic burgundy shoes: Brian Atwood
Brian Atwood metallic burgundy shoes strappy high heels platform are from the designer's upcoming Fall collection, but a very similar pair of sandals from this summer are $725.

30. Gold and black shoes: Louis Vuitton
These shoes, with their distinctive architectural platform/heel combination, are from Fall 08, and they retailed for around $1,300. Lily Allen wore them once, and the Fug Girls compared the look of the wedge-heel combination to Anne Boleyn's rumored sixth finger. Zoe, who claims to wear the shoes "every day," has them in three colors.

31. Domaine Ott Rosé
This popular summer plonk costs around $30.

32. Fedora: YSL/Resurrection Vintage
Of this hat, Zoe says, "I think it sets the bar for fedoras." Which is probably why it's already sold.

33. Sandals: Vicini
$379.

34. Silver shoes: Guiseppe Zanotti
These strappy platform shoes will set you back a whopping $1,049.

Also pictured above, but not enumerated in the list, are two pieces of Louis Vuitton luggage ($2,950 for the rolling carry-on and $2,330 for the suitcase) one pair of Louis Vuitton shoes from the brand's "Tribal"-themed current collection. Those cost $2,289.

So how much would turning yourself into a Zoebot for summer cost you, not even counting the five designer items we had to list as Price on Application? $49,701

I think I just died.

Rachel Zoe: Our 2009 Tastemaker Shares 34 Of Her Favorite Things

Having been shamed, pilloried, mocked, rich guys' wives are rallying. Some are cashing in. Some are confessing. And all of them are dressing for a new world.

Writing about her book tour for the upcoming Hedge Fund Wives, Tatiana Boncampagni, in this weekend's Financial Times, says, "Most of the women I know whose husbands or boyfriends work in the industry have become sudden acolytes of internet shopping and J Crew; and black blazers, white blouses, and two-toned ballet flats are proliferating. Think Michelle Obama, minus the Thakoon."

"Confesses" some TARP wife to Portfolio last month:

I haven't even looked at spring clothes; God forbid someone catches me out in something new. Keeping up with fashion seems somehow decadent in this new era, like getting Botox injections or catered dinners. Like so many others, I'm shopping in my closet. I've bought exactly two things this year-makeup and panty hose. If I buy a present for someone, I have the package sent to their home. I don't want to be spotted climbing into a taxi, laden with Bergdorf Goodman shopping bags.

The formula, it's clear, is one part social conscience, one part keeping up appearances, one part somber mourning dress, and two parts valiant remorse. And of course, there's a big dose of old-fashioned Wife in the mix. Says TARP wife (she of the "confession"): "I'm trying to buck him up and not complicate his life. The last thing he needs is unpleasant publicity, so I'm learning to fly so far below the radar that I have perpetually skinned knees." Adds a Texas doyenne, " "Mainly it starts with the husbands," who have made it known, "If you can't eat it, don't buy it."

While downgrading from exorbitant to expensive - Chanel to Tory Burch, Cafe Boulud rather than Daniel - doesn't win a lot of sympathy from us rank and file, we can imagine the shared guilt of a government bailout and involvement in a national free fall is more galling than the classic Hard Times of depression-era legend. Resentment and schadenfreude don't make giving up those opera tickets any easier. But it's also true that an essay like this one is a far cry from bootstrap-pulling, and living off the fat of the land even in lean times can only garner so much sympathy.

My family has friends who've been cleaned out, and both husband and wife, who had not had to really work before, have found work at, respectively, a non-profit and an Eileen Fisher... and feel very lucky to have done so. They are in their late 60s. This kind of thing is not uncommon either, I'm guessing - we all have a lot of friends who have taken the recent hardships on the chin - but to carry on requires regarding one's life not as bathed in pathos and drama - or, necessarily as a professional "Wife" of any description - but as a series of matter-of-fact challenges that must be mastered. And if you don't view yourself as a victim, the telling doesn't make for much melodrama. Or, sorry, the "confession." Even if getting dressed is a lot easier.

What A Hedge Fund Wife Looks Like These Days [FT]
Confessions Of A TARP Wife [Portfolio]
Former Rich Lady Gets Deal to Write Enraging Book [Gawker]

Earlier: How To Dig Gold & Infuriate People: DABAs Get A Book Deal?

Chris Beggini, a 43-year-old mutual fund manager in Radnor, Pa., didn't know about the practice until his wife, Jennifer, straightened him out. "We talked about how she had nine months of difficulty, and 'Aren't I the good soldier?' blah blah blah," he recalled. So when the Begginis begat Abigail in 1999, Ellie in 2002, and Julia last year, Mr. Beggini responded with earrings, a bracelet and what he jokingly calls a "suffer ring."

Said Anna:

I have a theory about these: that they emerged primarily in upper class milieus in which having a baby/gaining weight/etc. is considered some sort of SACRIFICE of one's precious shopping/socializing time and taut young body. Maybe I'm being unfair/judgmental/overly broad but in my mind, only a superficial, wealthy woman would think she should get DIAMONDS for having a goddamn baby. (I make this judgment probably because one of the women I know who got such presents is a millionaire Upper East Sider.) Women give birth every day ALL OVER THE WORLD in much worse conditions than those found in, say, Columbia Presbyterian, and honestly, if I had a baby and wanted a "gift" in return for having one — isn't a baby gift enough?? — I'd ask my husband to give some money to a mother(s) who actually NEEDED IT.

One could argue a baby isn't a "gift" in the first place!! It's a GODDAMN LIFE!

Rather than a natural occurrence, rich white woman consider having a baby a major inconvenience.

A Bundle Of Joy Isn't Enough? [NY Times]
Related: Get Your Rocks Off [Philadelphia Weekly]

Dr. Paul A. Blair, a facial surgeon in Hurricane, W.Va., said his patients have included high-school teachers, truck drivers and school-bus drivers. Dr. L. Mike Nayak, a facial surgeon in St. Louis, said that his patients include blue-collar or lower-salary professionals — "teachers, retirees, psychologists, regular middle-class working folks."

"I have a couple of jail wardens," Dr. Nayak said.

Q: Who Is the Real Face of Plastic Surgery? [NY Times]