Rachel's dad visited her, and she disclosed to him that, despite her success, she feels she's failed as a boss to her employee Taylor and as a wife to Rodger. It's a problem that is, for the most part, unique to women, as most ambitious businessmen rarely publicly profess concern about the feelings of their employees or the neglect of their wives.


Taylor's parents also stopped by to help her with her workload. I love that she and her mother never take their sunglasses off.


Rodger and Rachel called Brad and Taylor in for a meeting to explain the restructuring of the business. Rodger will now be the boss of Brad and Taylor and Taylor will play a bigger role in product development.


One of the products that Rachel is developing is a fragrance, and she brought Taylor to NYC to consult. From the sound of it—sandalwood, patchouli, etc.—the perfume is going to smell like a hacky sack at a Phish show.

Rachel was told by her doctor to reduce the stress in her life and take it easy, so she took a few days off. However, she also decided to take on a project in her downtime, so she streamlined her personal jewelry collection—of which there are/were over 1,000 pieces—and put them up for sale at an exhibition at the vintage store Decades (all proceeds going to research for ovarian cancer) with photos and anecdotes of when/how she obtained each one. To help her, Rachel's sister dug up old family photos, including those of their mother, who is Rachel's fashion accessories inspiration, who taught her daughter that "more is more."


The other dramz that took place was the typical Brad/Taylor dilemma. Only one of them was going to be able to attend fashion week in Paris with Rachel—after they were initially told they could both go—and Rachel left it up to them to decide which one it would be. The news sort of decimated Brad, who immediately broke out into what appears to be hives. In the end, it was decided that Brad would attend Paris fashion week with Rachel.

The negative press and comments really affect Rachel, but her husband Rodger seems like a really good guy.


Rachel and Nicole Richie once had an infamous feud over allegations Nicole made that Rachel forces her clients to take Mexican speed pills to lose weight. They've since made up and ran into each other at the event.

Related:
The Anti Jon and Kate [DailyBeast]

Rachel also ran into Lindsay Lohan on last night's episode. Lindsay was one of Rachel's most famous clients and helped make her a name, but they stopped working together a few years ago. Rachel said she hadn't seen Lindsay in almost two years (you know, when she was getting in those car accidents and going to those rehabs).

Rachel wasn't telling Taylor that she was "fat", but that she had big boobs. However, I imagine that working in that industry, in that city, could make one sensitive to any mention of physique —especially when said by someone so very, very thin. Still I can't help but find Rachel Zoe really likable and funny. And though Taylor seemed like she was on the verge of quitting, she apparently did gather with Rachel, Brad, and the like to view the first episode of this season.

This episode also illuminated how the economy is affecting stylists. Rachel was stressed because, typically, she would have multiple "bananas" dress options for her five big-name clients (Demi Moore, Cameron Diaz, Debra Messing, Anne Hathaway, Eva Mendes). The situation was different this time around, and she had to struggle to find even one dress per client. Rachel explained it thusly: "Everything from spring's been worn, everything from last couture's been sold. The big fashion houses are saying. 'We're not spending a lot of money sending couture around the world only to find that it's not gonna be worn.'"

The recession might be affecting Zoe's personal finances as well. The first season of TRZP was filmed in her home, with one large room converted into her styling studio. This season however, Rachel and her husband Rodger are living in a much smaller apartment, while she has a much larger commercial loft space for her studio.
Old house:



New apartment:

It turns out that her home had been on the market since at least fall 2007. Maybe they were liquidating assets to further her business? You can read more about it here.

As for the Golden Globes, Rachel ended up convincing Karl Lagerfeld to alter a couture Chanel dress for Cameron Diaz to make it much more accessible for the American public.

In the end, it all worked out fine. Here are the results of Rachel and co.'s frenzy:

• "I've thought about clothing and jewelry lines," says Usher. "But fragrance stays on when everything else comes off." [People]
• Bottom of the barrel? For $8, American Apparel will sell you a bag of fabric scraps. [BF]

• Elle Creative Director Joe Zee dined with R.J. Cutler, the director of The September Issue. Which obviously means that he's going to spend two more years making a movie about Elle now! [FWD]
• Says lost soul Ashley Olsen, in fashion, "everyone is just really looking out for themselves. I don't know if I'll be designing this collection forever. A couple of years from now, I'm sure I'll want to do something else, and I'm not going to shy away from that. What if I just want to be an artist, or if I want to go back to acting? Which is not in the cards, but what if I wanted to do that?" [Daily Express]
• An Hermès representative says the rumors that creative director Jean Paul Gaultier is going to leave the company are false. Gaultier has been in his position for six years, and Hermès has experienced continued strong sales from its luxury categories since the start of the recession. [FashionMag]
• Christian Blanckaert, Hermès' director of international affairs, is leaving the company in early September. Blanckaert will become the non-executive chairman of the French children's clothing line Petit Bateau, and is expected to pursue a more international strategy for the brand. [WWD]
• Meanwhile, some anonymous sources in the finance industry are saying that Louis Vuitton Moët Hennessy may spin off DKNY, the Donna Karan diffusion label it has owned since 2001. Or that it may sell Moët Hennessy itself, where revenues fell 17% in the first half of 2009. The reason the luxury conglomerate supposedly wants to free up some cash? To make a bid for Hermès, which is trading well below its usual share price. [Fashionista]
  
• Conservative party supporter Anya Hindmarch: "I started my business when I was 18, and I realized the difference it made having Thatcher in power. It was the start of privatization-there was a feeling of ‘Get out there, get going, be an entrepreneur.' I've seen what politics can do to make a difference. It really inspires me and that's why I've been passionate about it." [VF]
• Lara Stone is set to curate the choices available at Not Just A Label's online shop, a home for avant-garde and emerging designers. Lara's choices go on sale on September 2. [UK Elle]
• Uniqlo has a licensing deal with Disney that'll allow it to roll out Disney-themed apparel starting next month. Which should mean the mouse products will hit stores around the same time as Jil Sander's long-awaited first collection for the retailer. [WWD]
• Jean-Charles de Castelbajac is launching a diffusion line called JC/DC. The line will be presented in London and again in Paris at the upcoming shows, and the company wants real-life hepcats to model its wares — anyone who wants to apply for a spot in the runway lineup can do so via the websites of Dazed & Confused or Jalouse magazine, respectively. [WWD]
• Someone named Bronson van Wyck is obsessed with "The Penguin Sparkling Water Maker from Williams-Sonoma. The penguin makes the water fizzy. You can adjust from superfizzy like Perrier to moderate like S. Pellegrino to milder like Hendon." Socials! They're not like us at all. [WWD]
• Vogue Brasil mis-spelled photographer Guy Bourdin's name as "Guy Bourdain" in huge font on its cover. [MadeinBrazil]
• Rosemary Port, the writer behind the infamous "Skanks In NYC" hate-blog against model Liskula Cohen, says that she will continue her $15 million lawsuit against Google for disclosing her e-mail address and IP to Cohen. Even though Google only disclosed those details after losing its long legal battle and being ordered to so by a Manhattan supreme court judge! Port feels her right to privacy has been violated, and alleges of Cohen, "By going to the press, she defamed herself." Her lawyer had this to say: "I'm ready to take this all the way to the Supreme Court. Our Founding Fathers wrote 'The Federalist Papers' under pseudonyms. Inherent in the First Amendment is the right to speak anonymously. Shouldn't that right extend to the new public square of the Internet?" Which, if you think about it, is an airtight argument. Doesn't anyone else remember reading that long footnote in the Federalist Papers where James Madison goes on and on about how Brutus is, like, such a ho? And then of course next month Robert Yates was all like, Nuh uh, you're a big fat skank, Publius, and everyone knows it! Whatever, Rosemary Port. Defamation isn't traditionally considered protected speech. [NYDN]
• Louis Vuitton has won a $400,000 judgment against Bonini Handbags for trademark infringement. [WWD]
• Derek Blasberg watched The Rachel Zoe Project in Los Angeles, with Rachel Zoe. "Watching the actual show and having an alternate show happening in front of me was surreal. And kind of confusing. There was Brad on TV wearing a Missoni sequined shift dress impersonating his boss, and then there, in the flesh, was Brad trying on a Louis Vuitton tennis skirt and booties impersonating his boss. Taylor was on TV moaning, and there she was in person moaning." [StyleFile]
• Casual Male, a U.S. maker of men's plus-size clothing, has seen its quarterly profits increase by 92.1% on last year, even as sales fell 13.4%. [WWD]

• Lindsay Lohan's Hollywood home was burglarized over the weekend. Dina Lohan says:

"The safe was ripped out of the wall, and the door was off the hinges and door handles removed. Bags, shoes and jewelry were taken too. Thank God she wasn't home." Well, if she'd been home, they might not have broken in? Anyway Dina says Lindsay is "Okay, but upset." [People]

• A source says that surveillance video caught the men who broke into Lindsay's house on tape, and cops are investigating. Michael Lohan thinks it's an inside job, since the people that work for Lindsay didn't turn the alarm on. [TMZ]
• Ryan Jenkins, 32, the reality star suspect accused of killing his ex-wife, was found dead in a motel room in a Canadian town called Hope. An unidentified woman checked in for Jenkins and paid cash; cops have seized the slip of information she filled out for the room. [Vancouver Sun]
• An employee at the Thunderbird Motel says Ryan Jenkins was not recognizable: "In no way shape or form did he look like the man on TV. He looked spent." [AP]
• Before she hit the stage with her Miss Universe performance, Heidi Montag said: "I think people don't know what to expect, and how can they? It's my first performance live and it's in front of a billion eyes. So I'm very excited to show everyone what I'm coming with. I'm very excited for everybody to see this." And: "I think a lot of people are expecting something very different." If by "different" you mean "stilted" and "bad" then, yeah. [AP]
• Oprah wants to throw a giant party for the 10th anniversary of her magazine, and she'd like to shut down portions of the West Side Highway in NYC for the bash. [NY Post]
• "After Alec Baldwin told Playboy he might run against Joe Lieberman, the Connecticut senator replied, 'make my day.'" [Politico]
• Michael Jackson's kids spent the weekend in Las Vegas at the Palms Casino Resort, drinking virgin strawberry-banana daiquiris and playing in the pool. Grandma Katherine Jackson watched pool-side, with a friend and a nanny. [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin snapped up the house next door to theirs in London and are creating a "£7million superhouse with 33 rooms." [Daily Mail]
• Sophia Bush was trying to hail a cab yesterday when she "accidentally flung" her arm into a woman passing by on a bicycle, knocking the woman to the ground. Sophia apologized and helped the woman up; the woman rode away. [UPI]
• Amy Winehouse performed with The Specials on Saturday night and it seems to have reinvigorated her! She says: "It's great to be back. I absolutely loved it out there. The fans and the atmosphere were great. It wasn't planned at all. I just went out and did it. I want to do my own gigs now." Video of Amy singing with the band at the link. [The Sun]
• Milla Jovovich married director Paul W.S. Anderson in Beverly Hills on Saturday, walking down the aisle of the backyard of the couple's Spanish-style house. The reception included cuban music and cake. [People]
• You can peep Milla's dress here. [E!]
• Prince William's girlfriend Kate Middleton will resign from working at her parents' internet party supply business at the end of the year and concentrate on photography. She'll head to New York for 2 weeks in January to work with Count Nikolai von Bismarck, who has trained with Annie Leibovitz. A source says: "It wouldn't be fitting for a future Queen to run a party website." [Daily Mail]
• Emma Roberts' boyfriend's neck is covered in hickeys. [Page Six]
• Khloé Kardashian is guest blogging for Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth while Ted is on vacation. [E!]
• Terrence J, the dude Khloé Kardashian kissed one drunken night, says: "We are just friends. Neither one of us remembers the kiss. We were trying to remember who kissed whom first and we have both agreed to agree that it was just a long night where we both had some drinks and shared a good time." This lapse in memory could be due to booze or the fact that Terrence is in a relationship and is "very much in love." [People]
• Sources claim that Doug Reinhardt has been "begging" MTV producers for a contract and wants very badly to be on The Hills, but the network is not interested. [Page Six]
• Oasis cancelled their appearance at V Fest over the weekend because Liam Gallagher had laryngitis; Snow Patrol stepped in. [The Sun]
• Joan Jett is suing Jacqueline Fuchs, former bassist in The Runaways, who is trying to have the movie about The Runaways stopped and has demanded to see the script — even though there is no character based on her. [UPI]
• Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos cheered on 8-year-old daughter Lola, who was riding at the 34th Annual Hampton Classic Horse show on Sunday. Kelly says: "She's so dedicated that she misses everything else in the summer so she can go riding!" [Gatecrasher]
• Spotted: Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer, househunting in Santa Monica. [Gatecrasher]
• Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig are in rehearsals for the Broadway play A Steady Rain, and the author, Kevin Huff, can't believe his good fortune: "These guys are in the prime of their careers," he says. "It's my understanding they're turning down movies to do this. I'm very lucky." [NY Daily News]
• The Rachel Zoe Project returns tonight, and this review says it "remains reliably bitchy television." [NY Daily News]
• Diablo Cody is on the cover of Inked magazine, and admits that she once was at a party with Robert Pattinson and didn't recognize him: "He's a beautiful man and I would certainly recognize him now… He wouldn't remember this happening. I honestly just went up and borrowed a light from him and I couldn't understand why there was this vibration in the crowd like, You're talking to him! I thought, You mean that guy with the cigarettes? Aw, this sounds terrible." [Inked]
• Shed a tear on your bearskin rug: The Burt Reynolds Museum may be closing. [UPI]
• A Texas blogger being sued by the mother of Anna Nicole Smith faces contempt of court for not turning in her computer. [UPI]
• Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullum have chosen their wedding date and location: July 2010, at Hunton Park estate – a mansion set in 22 acres of parkland in Hertfordshire. Looks lush and amazing! [Daily Mail]
• "Rehab, drinking, Courtney Love, Owen Wilson's 'overdose': Steve Coogan confesses all." [Daily Mail]
• Former KISS guitarist Vinnie Vincent is suing the band and A&E television network for using his image without his permission. [TMZ]
• "'I want to marry again because I miss the sex' — Jerry Hall reveals she's on the lookout for love." [Daily Mail]
• Messy divorce news: David Alan Grier is seeking joint custody of his one-year-old daughter and looking to deny his estranged wife Christine Kim any spousal support. Christine was sole custody. [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which reality TV women party so hard every night that reporters gripe the ladies don't get out of bed to do phone interviews in the day?" [Page Six]
• "I was born on December 13, I was 13 when I got my first record deal and my Twitter name is taylorswift13. My first single, Tim McGraw, had a 13-second intro, and every time something good happens, 13 is involved. If I ever get a tattoo it will be '13.'" — Taylor Swift. [Daily Mail]
• "When Ally McBeal started, I went 'Oh, my God,' it's like what I was doing. Bridget Jones was in the same vein. I identify with all of them. We all can." — Melanie Mayron, who played a redheaded photographer, an "independent, creative, quirky and funny" single woman in her 30s on thirtysomething. [LA Times]
• "After two dance sessions, I can tell you Cheryl Burke is the most patient person I have ever met." — Dancing With The Stars contestant and former Republican House Majority Leader Tom DeLay. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I wouldn't want to be 20 again for anything. I am much happier now than when I was younger. You have to discover who you are, who you are going to be, there are so many insecurities. Today, I know the things that I need, the things that I can live without." — Monica Bellucci. [Daily Mail]
• Q: So you're not getting married any time soon? A: "No, we're not into that. I think we have some sort of thing in California? What's it called? The civil equality or something. Domestic partnership! They sent us a piece of paper and it's like, oh, now what? She has her health insurance, I have mine. I'd put her on mine, but you know it's too much paperwork. We'll get around to it." — Sandra Bernhard on her girlfriend, with whom she's been with for 10 years. [LA Times]

• Gwyneth Paltrow's clothing line with Zoetees is hitting stores this month. The collection includes tee shirts, studded tank tops, and a grey oversized blazer — fine basics, but there's no indication why the line should start at £100. [Elle UK]

• Earlier this year, Katy Perry, desirous of a fashion line, pre-emptively sued the Australian fashion designer Katie Perry for trademark infringement. Although the suit was later dropped, now that the pop star is in Australia, all mention of Katie Perry and the trademark issue is verboten during media interviews. Which is why when a television presenter asked the singer if there were any Australian artists she admired, Perry's manager actually killed the studio lights. [News.com.au]
• The tender melancholy of Being Donatella: "I would definitely prefer not to be obliged to attend certain events and parties, but I must." [ToL]
• Being longtime fans of documentarian Loïc Prigent — the man who made both the excellent Signé Chanel and Marc Jacobs & Louis Vuitton — we cannot wait to watch his new series, which follows four designers during the last 36 hours before their respective shows. Sonia Rykiel, Proenza Schouler, Jean Paul Gaultier Couture, and Fendi are featured; Prigent says "They only have 36 hours left; they don't have time to be polite." [W]
• Gaultier was among the guests evacuated from a hotel in Nice recently following a bomb threat. Nobody was injured and no explosives were found. [Yahoo!]
• Rachel Zoe's line for QVC will be shown in the biggest tent at New York Fashion Week. [The Cut]
• Between The Rachel Zoe Project, America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, Models Of The Runway, Project Runway All-Stars, The Fashion Show, and the upcoming Launch My Line, there's more fashion-themed reality television than any human being could ever watch. Is the genre reaching saturation? No, because women think about fashion the way men think about sports, and it would be silly to ask if there is too many sports shows! No, really: "The same way that sports is a passionate category for men, women look at style in the same way," said Style Network president Salaam Coleman Smith. "Women are passionate about transformation, and about ideas for living a fun, fabulous life, to improve themselves, find a new lipstick and figure out a new haircut." [WWD]
• Zoe, for her part, admits she has "a hard time" watching her show. That makes two of us. [WWD]
• Victoria Beckham found a lookbook model for her dress line who looks very much like Victoria Beckham. [Daily Mail]
• Hussein Chalayan's line for Puma looks exciting, intimidating, and totally technophiliac. [WWD]
• Pint-sized and cooler than we'll ever be, child style blogger Tavi WIlliams may have made the first cover of Pop magazine to be produced under new editor Dasha Zhukova. Interestingly, Tavi was just in the second issue of Love, which was founded by ex-Pop editor-in-chief Katie Grand. These are Tavi's first major magazine appearances. [Fashionologie]
• Meanwhile, Tavi was asked by Laura and Kate Mulleavy of Rodarte to film the presentation of the label's upcoming Target collaboration. None of the items in that collection will be priced above $80. [Lucky]
  
• Add Antonio Berardi and Stella McCartney for Adidas to the long list of English designers beating a return to London Fashion Week this season. [Telegraph]
• Cintra Wilson — the ordinarily funny writer who penned that amazingly tone-deaf, sizist JC Penney's store review for the New York Times — would like you to know that the controversy over her comments is officially over. At least to her. So don't write her about it! Don't read the comments under her post if you don't want to hear Wilson and an acolyte braying about the "whalesong" of complaint. [CintraWilson]
• House of Dereon now has a day dress collection. Weirdly, it includes an awful looking silk drawstring-waist jumpsuit. [WWD]
• You can watch an online short with Chloé Sevigny all about hip boutique Opening Ceremony's new store in Shibuya, Tokyo. [Dazed&Confused]
• Levi's Ryan McGinley-shot "Go Forth" ad campaign for its 501 jeans also has an online mockumentary component. You can watch these "Stories Of A New America" about good-looking young people doing cool things, you know, totally spontaneously, at Break.com. [MW]
• Kenny Chesney's apparel line will launch at MAGIC, the Las Vegas apparel industry event. [WWD]

For her first foray into Gwyneth-style celebrity direct marketing, the stylist has footwear on the brain. But, lest ye think that these are but ordinary platform pumps, let it be said first and foremost that these platform pumps are made by her friend, Brian Atwood. That kind of typical favor-calling, back-scratching, co-hyping symbiosis is exactly what can make this industry seem like one enormous daisy chain. (Or circle jerk.) To her credit, at least Zoe is upfront about blending her personal and professional relationships.

The $680 Brian Atwood Lola pump, also known as "my sole fantasy" in Zoespeak, available this fall

Zoe's missive begins seriously:

"In observance of my first official Zoe Report, I set my sights on something truly extraordinary."

Did you hear that? These aren't just any regular platform shoes with elastic laces, these are some extraordinary platform shoes! Zoe goes on to say, "Atwood consistently brings my sole fantasies to life," and calls the opportunities presented by the shoe "endless." And in case you fashion plebs don't know what the celeb stylist is driving at when she calls these magic pumps "shooties," the definition is in the footnotes.

In a nod to the fact that the mass audience she's seeking with this newsletter might have neither the funds nor the inclination to spend $700 on even the most "extraordinary" pair of heels, Zoe includes a fast fashion option — though still a pricey one, at $129.95.

In honor of our increasingly celebrity-addled consumer culture — unsatisfied by appearing in ad campaigns, on television hawking stuff, on television wearing clothes that just happen to be catalogued for sale on said television channels' websites, on billboards, in the mall with their signature lines, in magazine editorials, and generally taking jobs from hard-working Eastern European teenagers, they are now in our computers telling us what to buy — let us now inaugurate a new feature, The Zoe Report, By The Numbers:

"I DIE" count: 1
Footnotes of complicated fashion terms: 1
Total cost of shit: $809.95
Running cost of shit: $809.95
Microsoft Word Flesch-Kincaid grade level: 9.7
Transparent-self-promotion/life-as-branding quotient*: 7/10

Happy shopping, ladies. In the meantime, here's the trailer for the premiere of The Rachel Zoe Project"s second season. It just happened to come out today!

*Grading may be subjective

Not content with merely inflicting her tiny woman, huge dress fashion sense on all of us via her own reality show, red carpet bons mots, and the public appearances of her celebrity clients, such as Anne Hathaway, Kate Hudson, and Jennifer Garner, Hollywood's famous/notorious stylist set her itchy pulling fingers to shaping an ideal summer wardrobe for the stylish American woman. Maybe this is the kind of thing we can expect from her own — allegedly affordable — future clothing line. And gosh, what a lot of stuff there is!

1. Blazer and t-shirt: Phillip Lim, jeans: Bird by Juicy Couture.
The 3.1 Phillip Lim tuxedo jacket is from the unreleased Fall 2009 collection, so it's not priced yet. A very similar jacket by Lim from Spring 2009 retailed for $630. The Bird by Juicy Couture jeans, also not available in stores until fall, are $248.

2. Metallic jacket: Bally
This Bally leather jacket won't hit stores until this fall, but the brand's leather jackets usually run around 2,000 Euros.

3. Leather Leggings: Bird by Juicy Couture
Bird is Juicy Couture's new line, and it's being introduced this fall. Its price point will be higher than regular Juicy, but lower than Couture Couture, which the company was recently forced to close. Pricing information for all the pieces isn't yet available, but the collection as a whole tops out at $600. Given the expense of leather, we wager these pants are near the higher end of the scale, so let's estimate the leggings at $500.

4. Dress: Kate Moss for Topshop
This sequined baby costs $270.

5. Gold sequin skirt and coat: Phillip Lim
Phillip Lim sheepskin coat and sequined skirt are both Fall 2009, and haven't been priced yet. Zoe is pushing Lim so hard she's not only promoting sheepskin as a summer staple — she's wearing it herself in EW's photo shoot. Zoe's clients also regularly wear 3.1 Phillip Lim. For example, Kate Hudson, pictured.

6. Black sequin tunic: Gucci
This is another piece from Fall 2009 — the Gucci collection that earned comparisons to Bebe. The fact that she of the prominent clavicle would recommend so much fall clothing for a summer must-have list betrays a touching innocence of the realities of fashion-loving non-celebrity women, for whom shopping options are limited to what's actually in stores. (No phonecall to a designer friend's showroom to pull a special piece for us.) Which begs the question, why have someone of Zoe's limited perspective even bother with a "must-have" list for a mass audience?

7. Wrap dress: Kate Moss for Topshop, $250
Oh, right: so she can plug her friend Kate Moss's overpriced Topshop line, which in this array starts to look almost affordable.

8. Silk tunic: Matthew Williamson for H&M
The multi-colored chiffon tunic Zoe chose to highlight is, like the rest of Williamson's collection for the chain, sold out. But you might find one on eBay for around $100.

9. Gold peep-toe shoes: Christian Louboutin
$795

10. Purse: Chanel/Resurrection Vintage
Resurrection Vintage is a shop Rachel Zoe often pulls from. A helpful woman at the shop informed us that this patent-leather Chanel XL Jumbo bag is $3,500.

11. Essie nail polish, OPI nail polish, Givenchy Phenomen'eyes mascara, Leica C-Lux 3 camera
Nail polish $8, $8.50, Leica camera $599, mascara, $28.

12. Straw tote: H&M, $40, white tunic: H&M, $35

13. Towels: Missoni Home, Bikini: Missoni
Missoni Home towels, Zoe says, are "a great way of mixing fashion and function." The largest bath towel size from Missoni Home costs $134. Missoni Bikinis from Net-A-Porter start at $365.

14. Brown sandals: Dior
$740

15. Hair products: Byron Williams
The three items pictured are $18, $18.50, and $18.

16. Bib necklace: Louis Vuitton
Not yet available to the public, and not yet priced. Says Zoe: "That's going to be on my neck four out of seven days a week for the next few months." Then it will be thrown down the memory hole and replaced with something shinier and more expensive! That's fashion, darlings.

17. Bracelets: Genevieve Jones
Genevieve Jones' snake bracelets cost $1,050 apiece. Zoe included three of them.

18. Lucite jewelry: Alexis Bittar
The pieces included are: a $395 pair of earrings, a $225 ring, a $250 ring, a $125 ring, an $85 bangle, a $225 bangle, and a $425 bangle.

19. Bracelets and ring: Kathy Rose
The ring is $4,900, the bracelets are $3,600 and $4,200.

20. Deco cuff: Chanel
Regular plastic Chanel cuffs sell for around $150, but fancier ones like this can cost $950, which is what we'll estimate this unreleased bauble to fetch.

21. Gold bracelets and necklace: Chanel/Resurrection Vintage
These trinkets are $1,100 (bracelet) and $795 (necklace). The necklace is 20% off.

22. Sunglasses: Tom Ford "Claudio" and "Scarlett" styles
These are $400 each, and Zoe must have three of them.

23. Teal jeans: Matthew Williamson for H&M
This wildly popular collection is already sold out, but keeping a watchful eye on eBay might snag you a pair for $100.

24. Dark jeans: 7 For All Mankind "Ginger" style
Zoe remembered to price these herself, at $155.

25. Clutches: Louis Vuitton
The "African Queen" clutch is $2,580 on Louis Vuitton's website, and it's so "perfect" Zoe needs two of them.

26. Cardigan and jeans: Kate Moss for Topshop
These cost $180 and $100, respectively.

27. Sneakers: Adidas by Stella McCartney, $110
Says the Zoe herself: "I don't own sneakers, but if you're going to do it, add a fashion splash."

28. T-shirts: American Apparel, $19
With six rolled up, that's a total cost of $114.

29. Metallic burgundy shoes: Brian Atwood
Brian Atwood metallic burgundy shoes strappy high heels platform are from the designer's upcoming Fall collection, but a very similar pair of sandals from this summer are $725.

30. Gold and black shoes: Louis Vuitton
These shoes, with their distinctive architectural platform/heel combination, are from Fall 08, and they retailed for around $1,300. Lily Allen wore them once, and the Fug Girls compared the look of the wedge-heel combination to Anne Boleyn's rumored sixth finger. Zoe, who claims to wear the shoes "every day," has them in three colors.

31. Domaine Ott Rosé
This popular summer plonk costs around $30.

32. Fedora: YSL/Resurrection Vintage
Of this hat, Zoe says, "I think it sets the bar for fedoras." Which is probably why it's already sold.

33. Sandals: Vicini
$379.

34. Silver shoes: Guiseppe Zanotti
These strappy platform shoes will set you back a whopping $1,049.

Also pictured above, but not enumerated in the list, are two pieces of Louis Vuitton luggage ($2,950 for the rolling carry-on and $2,330 for the suitcase) one pair of Louis Vuitton shoes from the brand's "Tribal"-themed current collection. Those cost $2,289.

So how much would turning yourself into a Zoebot for summer cost you, not even counting the five designer items we had to list as Price on Application? $49,701

I think I just died.

Rachel Zoe: Our 2009 Tastemaker Shares 34 Of Her Favorite Things

"In Exodus, Pharaoh refused to let the Hebrew people leave Egypt," About.com explains. "The 10 plagues were a divine demonstration of power and displeasure designed to persuade Pharaoh to "let my people go.'" Find out the ten plagues visited upon those who enter the house of Zoe below. Let my Lilo go!

1. Water to Blood : Ok, so Zoe never caused the Hudson to run red, but! There were rampant rumors circulating that Zoe was feeding her shrinking clientele clenbuterol, originally an equine asthma treatment — a charge Rachel has vehemently denied. "Clen" won't turn water into blood, but it could make your heart explode! And then there'd be lots of blood, well, everywhere.

2. Frogs: The signature Rachel Zoe style includes enormous, froggy-eyed sunglasses, which she refers to as "sunnies."

3. Gnats: Rachel Zoe's Jersey inflected Valley-Girl whine reaches gnat-like levels of annoying! You wish you could swat away her oft-repeated "Zoe-isms." "Kills it," "I die," "bananas," "loves it," and "shut it down," are the gnats of the grammatical kingdom.

4. Flies: Ok, I have nothing for this one. But ew! Flies!

5. Livestock Diseased: Rachel Zoe's penchant for enormous leather handbags has probably felled many, many cows and at least one or two crocodiles. From the Times review: At Decades, a well-known vintage store in Los Angeles, she picks up another Hermès Birkin bag. One of her assistants tries to dissuade her: 'You collect art. You don’t collect Birkin.'"

6. Boils: Another hallmark of the Zoe style: enormous cocktail rings and ridiculous looking layers of overwhelming necklaces. These are massively expensive boils on the clavicles of many a Zoe-bot!

7. Thunder and Hail: If you cross Zoe, she will rain down on you — though the storm will be more like a mist of "dissatisfaction" than a full out hailing down, says the New York Times. " Ms. Zoe replaces the fashion personality’s eccentricity with perpetual dissatisfaction. She gets upset at an underling when rain water threatens to seep into her storage closet. She wants new pieces of furniture for her stark, modern Los Angeles house, even though she decorated it just two years ago," the Times notes.

8. Locusts: In Exodus, God says, "If thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring the locusts into thy coast." Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Cameron Diaz: could be considered locusts on either coast.

9. Darkness: Again with those giant sunglasses. Many of Zoe's clients wear their sunglasses at night, and are thus doomed to perpetual darkness. The horrors!

10. Death of the Firstborn: Rachel Zoe eats babies. Always the first born. Duh.

A Stylist Devoted to Making Idleness Look Chic [NY Times]
The Size Zero Pill [Daily Mail]
Being Rachel Zoe [NYT Mag]

Earlier: The Rachel Zoe Project: Zoe-isms
Rachel Zoe's Clavicle "Almost A Brand"