Remember her? She was friends with Lauren in high school, and then, after Lauren gave her a diamond bracelet for her birthday, she boinked Brody, even though Lauren was sorta kinda dating him. That dramz was the first conflict that Lauren had with Spencer, since he set Jen and Brody up. So Jen was a catalyst in the whole Lauren/Spencer war. Well, not really a catalyst, since she actually changed a lot with the help of a colorist and plastic surgeon.


I have to say that the puppies that Spencer bought Heidi for her birthday are incredibly cute.


I love Lo's response to Audrina's bullshit drama.


I also love that JustinBobby claims to be super into Kristin, yet he thinks her name is Kirsten.

Stephanie's approach to the intervention was interesting...


...and not at all successful. I love how she says "don't bullshit a bullshitter," because that's what Anna Nicole said to her cousin Shelly in the Christmas special episode of her reality show.


Jayde and Brody are working hard for their own story line. BTW, in case you didn't know, "yelling" = "angrily talking."


Is that Joe Francis in the scene? I guess they were friends before all the assault charges and lawsuits.

BTW, Tom Green doesn't warrant an identifying caption on MTV anymore? The least they could've done was put something Hills-y there like, "Tom, Brent's Friend."


At the intervention, Holly ordered herself a giant margarita on the rocks. Can you blame her? Besides, I still think that Spencer was the most embarrassing person at that party, considering his hat. However, I do think he's being incredibly nice and understanding here, and actually is making some sense.


Next week on The Hills, Jayde reveals her Canadian roots.

Spencer kept up his Mr. Wilson subplot with Enzo the Menace.


Check out JustinBobby's ink. It's like "Thug Life" for soccer fans.


BTW, Brody was turning 26, not 6.


I liked his balloons though.

Last week, when Heidi Montag guest co-hosted The View, she discussed her desire to have children and Spencer's desire to remain childless. Little Enzo is supposed to provide some kind of comic relief in the situation, but it kind of just comes off as one of those desperate casting decisions to boost ratings by adding a young kid (e.g. Olivia on The Cosby Show, Oliver on The Brady Bunch, and Chrissy Seaver (who aged six years in between seasons) of Growing Pains).


Spencer's sister Stephanie had the most intelligent statement of the entire series so far when she advised Heidi to not try to fix problems in her marriage by bringing a baby into it.

In the clip above, Roxy sits down for an interview with Kelly Cutrone for a position at Peoples Revolution. Although Whitney landed her the interview, Roxy comically talks shit on Whitney ("She like wears yellow"), whom she's known since the seventh grade. During the interview, Roxy also claims to have worked for Rachel Zoe for "a little bit," which Rachel denies, Tweeting, ""she never worked for me..lying is so not chic."

In fact, a lot of Tweeting has been going on about Roxy by the faux-reality set. Just yesterday, Stephanie Pratt went on a Twitter tirade about her, unable to limit her views to 140 characters, saying, "She was [my best friend] since 7th grade until she stabbed me in the back for her chance at fame. I tried to bring her on the hills with me but she wanted to be a 'star' so she went behind my back and made arrangements 2 b whits bff."

Roxy was actually the sidekick for Stephanie's very first appearance on The Hills, when the two girls confronted Lauren Conrad in a club to yell at her for being "mean" to Heidi.

Stephanie's assertion about Roxy wanting to be a "star" seem to be true, at least according to this E! News story from two years ago. After Roxy's one appearance on The Hills, her mother actually spoke to the media, who actually bothered to report on it, saying, "Roxy will only appear in one episode of The Hills even though they wanted her to do another one. [She] appeared as a favor. I'm pretty sure she's not going to do any more. They kind of pigeonhole you into stuff there."

The City's Roxy Olin Caught In A Lie [Radar]
The Hills Drama Just Keeps Getting Better [E!]

OK, so in the first scene, Audrina, Lo and Stephanie are talking about how they're going to go to Heidi and Spencer's "welcome back" party. Steph obviously has her new nose here.


See?


However, at the party, she has her old nose.


In her next scene, she's talking to Audrina about the events of the party, and she has her new nose again.


But then at Frankie's birthday party, her old nose returns.


BTW, how old was Frankie turning? 48?


After Frankie's party, Stephanie's new nose again, on the scene.


But only time will tell if it will stay.

Both in the trailer for the upcoming season of The Hills (which premieres September 29) and additional advertising spots, Kristin has been billed as "the bitch," literally, in this marquee style ad:

For her part, Kristin says she believes that people use the term refer to women who speak their minds, so she doesn't mind it all that much.

The description for the Brushstroke Sheath Dress, "side pockets lend a chic vibe." If batteries are included with the vibe, then it might actually be worth the $50.


This piece is called The Boyfriend Blazer. If your boyfriend is wearing "princess seams that flatter your figure," then you should reevaluate your relationship. $60


What would a celebrity clothing line be without leggings? $20


According to the Kohl's site, this Seamless Camisole has "details [that] offer flawless fashion." $20


Maternity wear? $30


This is supposed to add a "timeless touch to your wardrobe." I guess if you consider that you can wear it for the rest of your life as your torso expands, it kind of is. $34


Oof. $34


Yikes. $34


It keeps getting worse. $34


Nanas can stuff crumpled tissues up this cardigan's sleeves. $44


Boyfriend Jeans. $54


Mom jeans. $54


"Floral watercolor pattern provides artistic appeal." $60


This piece of shit is $40.

If You Answered Mostly A's: You Are The Party Girl
You are the mess of the series: you're always drunk, and when you're not drunk, you're crying on the phone to the boyfriend you are currently cheating on on national television, all while acting like he's not going to find out. You like to dance, drink, and party, but when the fun is over, you typically collapse into a ball of low self-esteem. You're a tragic character, as you will ride your wave of notoriety to many bar openings and Girls Gone Wild hosting gigs across the nation. Eventually, you'll either go through a very public rehabilitation phase or you'll sign up to win Bret Michaels' heart on Rock of Love 87: Roses And Thorns.

If You Answered Mostly B's: You Are The Bitch
Somewhere along the way, you realized that being the villain was more interesting than being the hero, so here you are, the biggest bitch in town. You're the kind of person who lives to make other people feel small and stupid; you don't always come right out and insult them, but you have a manipulative way of making people feel as though they'd better get on your good side, or else. The bonus? The audience loves you. Or they love to hate you. Either way, you're one of the most popular—or at least one of the most notorious—characters on the show.


If You Answered Mostly Cs: You're The Airhead
You're the Kelly Kapowski of the show: you're very pretty, and you're usually very nice, and you mean well, but you are often edited to appear to be as dumb as a box of rocks. This is not to say that you are dumb, but the editing room certainly makes it seem that way. You're often shown gazing at the ceiling for no reason whatsoever, and you start most of your conversations with "Um," or "What?" as if you've just been snapped out of a daze. Your plotlines are always boring and forced, and nobody really cares what happens to you on the show unless the Party Girl or the Bitch swoops in to add some excitement here or there. It doesn't really matter, though, because you're beautiful and famous and rich, and everything will work out just fine.


If You Answered Mostly Ds: You Are An Ear Of Corn
You are an ear of corn. How did you even take this quiz? You're pretty damn special! Someone should get you a reality show of your own! We could call it, "It's Amaizing!" Get it? Where are you going? Oh, you're too good for this now? Fine. You know what? You're the bitch, ear of corn. Yeah, I heard what you just said. Whatever! Whatever!


If You Answered Mostly Es: You Are The Famewhore
This little reality show gig is just a stop on the express train to super stardom, bro. You can't help it if everyone wants to see how you live your awesome life! You're so famous that eventually the show will revolve around how famous you are, and everyone will be talking about the greatness that is you. Your face will be everywhere, and people around the world will wonder how they ever lived without you. You know that when your 15 minutes will be up, nobody will care anymore. But you're determined to stretch that 15 minutes for as long as you can, and you will be as obnoxious as possible to keep your fame alive, even if it means turning the entire world against you. All publicity is good publicity, right?


If You Answered Mostly Fs: You Are The Voice Of Reason
Often enough, you supply the only "reality" on the show. You call you friends out on their bs, and stay out of the fights when things get too intense. You love your friends and your family and you try to keep a low profile. Unfortunately, you are too boring for reality television, and eventually you will either fade away or be forced to start taking on the qualities of The Bitch or The Party Girl in order to keep up with your friends (and their paychecks). You have to ask yourself: which reality do I prefer? If it's television, get ready to sacrifice a bit of yourself in order to play, well, yourself.

Thanks for taking our quiz! It's always nice when people stop being polite and start getting real.

Earlier: Which Reality Show Stereotype Are You?

• Question 1: What's Your Idea Of The Perfect First Date?
• a. You, baby! Let's get it started! Is my boyfriend Devin going to see this, though? Devin! I love you! This means nothing, I swear! NOTHING!
• b. Anyone lucky enough to date me is going to have a perfect first date, period.
• c. Well, he would have to be like, really cute? And like, we would go to somewhere like, nice? Um, and like, it would be romantic?
• d. I am an ear of corn.
• e. Whatever, you know? I just go with things, man. If love happens, it happens, but I can't force it, you know? It's just whatever the energy of the universe wants, bro, you know? Whatever the vibe happens to be. You can read more about it in next month's Playboy magazine.
• f. Something really simple and sweet. I don't ask for much. Just good times with good people.

• Question 2: What Is Your Best Quality?
• a. I can drink anyone under the table! Want to see?
• b. Why don't you ask your boyfriend? He seemed to enjoy several of my qualities last night.
• c. Um...I like a lot of different things? Like, um...I like unicorns? And once, I saw Lindsay Lohan at a party and I was like, "Oh my god, you're Lindsay Lohan!" and she was like, "Yeah, I am." And so like...I can identify people, you know? Like, that's pretty good, I think?
• d. I am an ear of corn.
• e. I mean, you know, what can I say? I know how to get shit done, bro. I haven't had any complaints, in any areas, if you know what I'm saying. That was a sexual innuendo. Just wanted to make sure you picked that up. Are you filming on the left? Film on the right, bro. You know my right is my better side. Although both sides look good in my upcoming photo shoot for People magazine.
• f. I'm a good friend, or at least I try to be. I could always improve, I guess.

• Question 3: Who Is Your Role Model?
• a. Megan Fox!! She is so hot and crazy!!! I am too! SPRING BREAK! OWW!
• b. Get me a mirror and I'll show you, asshole.
• c. Rolls? Like...for bread? You can be a model for bread?
• d. I am an ear of corn.
• e. Jesus, who put me on this earth to be great. I actually discuss this in next week's issue of Star. You should buy a copy, bro. Buy one for your friends, too. It's gonna change your life, man.
• f. My parents. They have a really great marriage and they've always taught me that it's love and laughter that are important, not material things.

• Question 4: What Is Your Typical Saturday Night Like?
• a. If I remember it, it wasn't any good!
• b. You have to ask because you'll never be invited. That's so sad for you! Maybe you should go back to Nebraska or wherever it is you came from. I hear the cows on the farm are always looking for new friends.
• c. Um...Saturday is the day that comes after the day you stop working but only at night because like, you work during the day, but then like, the weekend technically starts at night, right? Why is it called Saturday? Did someone get sat on? Satted on? How do you say it?
• d. I am an ear of corn.
• e. I'd walk you through it bro, but it's too much for you to handle. Usually it just involves me and my beautiful girl being the most famous people alive, trying to get the haters out of our way. We can't help it if everyone wants to be like us. I mean, we're perfect, you know?
• f. I typically go out to dinner with some good friends and then maybe out dancing or for a few drinks. Sometimes if there's a good band in town, we'll go to a show. No big deal.

• Question 5: Where Do You See Yourself In 10 Years?
• a. Famous, gorgeous, and loving life! And I want to give a shout out to my fellow Coyotes, my man Devin who I love so so much, no matter what they say, baby! Now who wants to do some shots?!
• b. Somewhere you'll never be. I'd say something like, "But I'll never forget you," except, well, I totally will.
• c. Ten is five plus five!
• d. I hope to be the head of an international research company. Also, I will still be an ear of corn.
• e. Just turn on your television, baby, and I'll be there, no doubt!
• f. Happy. That's the most important thing, right?

Stay tuned for the results!

Also, there is mention of wanting to put Holly Montag in rehab, and Kristin hardcore Frenches JustinBobby. I kind of love Kristin. I like that she says "dude" a lot, and I like that she made fun of Brody Jenner's sex skills. Seriously, thank God Lauren's gone.

• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been checking out a gorgeous building on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Will they move the brood to New York? [Rush & Molloy]

• Madonna and Guy Ritchie have been spending time together, and Jesus Luz is unhappy. [Daily Mail]
• GLAAD president Jarrett Barrios says of a scene in Brüno showing an infant and two naked men involved in a sex act "doesn't help America understand the hundreds of thousands of gay families who get up every day, do the carpool then rush home to make dinner and be with their children." [USA Today]
• Another lawsuit for Brüno: A woman who got into a physical altercation with Sacha Baron Cohen at a bingo game (in a scene that didn't make the film) first sued for getting injured; now she is suing for "emotional distress." [E!]
• Please take a moment to read this interview between Daniel Radcliffe and an 11-year-old reporter. It is so very intensely awesome. [NY Mag]
• By the by, Daniel Radcliffe is worth £30 million; Emma Watson is worth £12 million; and Rupert Grint is worth £7 million. Buys a lot of treats in Diagon Alley! [Mirror]
• Emma Watson on former Harry Potter costar Robert Pattinson: "We're just friends." [Gatecrasher]
• Oh, and Robert Pattinson's ex-girlfriend is spilling that the sparkle vamp was "always amazing in bed." [ONTD]
• Wha?? Jon Gosselin and new girlfriend Hailey Glassman are in St. Tropez? And Shes the daughter of the doctor who did his wife's tummy tuck? And they've been hanging out on on fashion designer Christian Audigier's yacht?!?! [NY Daily News]
• Members of Parliament have received an apology from Mia Farrow after a "rogue fan" spent weeks flooding their fax machines with human rights and save Darfur information from Farrow's website. [Guardian]
• Gwyneth Paltrow hearts Spain! She and husband Chris Martin may build a home there, and there's now a Spanish version of Goop. [Daily Mail]
• Victoria Beckham wants a Sex And The City sequel cameo? Party like it's 1999! [NY Daily News, Elle UK]
• Aw: Step Up's Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan got married in Mailbu on Saturday! No doubt that the dancing at the reception was intense. [UPI]
• "At 38 (she turns 39 in September), [Padma] Lakshmi has a beauty that is not, perhaps, as bewitching as reports would have had me believe…" [Times of London]
• Ryan Reynolds is the first choice to play Green Lantern, beating out Bradley Cooper, Jared Leto and Justin Timberlake. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Michael Jackson-related magazines are flying off the newsstands; experts are calling it the biggest newsstand push since the election. [Folio]
• A&E had commissioned a one-hour special, The Jackson Family, which followed Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, Marlon and Randy. They finished shooting before Michael died, and the question is: Now what? [Reuters]
• The LAPD and the coroner are both targeting Dr. Conrad Murray, finding evidence linking him to the drug that may have killed Michael Jackson. [TMZ]
• La Toya Jackson believes Michael was murdered. [NY Post]
• This report claims that Katherine Jackson will have custody of Michael Jackson's kids; Debbie Rowe will have regular access and Joe Jackson will be kept away from them. [Mirror]
• "Debbie Rowe frequently injected Michael Jackson with drugs while she worked for Jackson's dermatologist, Dr. Arnold Klein." [TMZ]
• More pill/drug allegations. [TMZ, TMZ, The Daily Beast]
• Here's a claim that Joe Jackson wants to take Michael's kids on a world tour as the Jackson 3. [The Sun]
• Debbie Rowe will attend a custody hearing on July 20. [UPI]
• Michael Jackson's former nanny Grace Rwaramba was obsessed with Michael Jackson in high school, with references to him in hew yearbook. [TMZ]
• "Michael Jackson had a way of picking doctors who became such close friends with him that the doctor-patient distinction became blurred." [TMZ]
• "Jackson Targeted Dentists to Fuel Addiction." [TMZ]
• Some guy named Jack Wishna, who was orchestrating a deal with Michael Jackson to set up a Las Vegas residency, says that MJ was "thin and weak" and could not have put on shows. Wishna also says MJ "never never, never" wanted to go back to Neverland. "My thought is if someone buries him in Neverland he will come up out of the ground like in Thriller and strangle them," Wishna says. [E!]
• At the link, Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt discuss love, relationships and their new flick, 500 Days Of Summer, which is getting great buzz. [USA Today]
• Is Amy Winehouse finally growing tired of St. Lucia? How can you get weary of living in paradise? Should we fly there and conduct an experiment? [Daily Express]
• Oh: Amy Winehouse arrived in London from St. Lucia and promptly burst into tears. [Daily Mail]
• CNN: You were involved in the season finale of [the NBC program] 30 Rock. Are you a fan?
  Moby: Yeah. I got a call asking if I wanted to be a part of the season finale. And I didn't have to think. ... If they had said, "Would you like to come and clean the toilets on set?" I would've said yes. [CNN]
• Barbra Streisand talks global warming and environmental urgency. [Politico]
• Kim Cattrall found out that her grandfather was a bigamist and feels "terribly sad" and can't forgive him. [Daily Mail]
• Bethenny Frankel on The Real Housewives Of New Jersey' s "Lost Footage" episode: "Just really enjoyable and fun to watch!" [E!]
• Michelle Williams from Destiny's Child: Playing Roxie Hart in Chicago in London. [Independent]
• Mad Men's Christina Hendricks has picked a dress for her October wedding: "I'm wearing Carolina Herrera. It was the first dress I tried on and it was magnificent." But don't expect the nuptials to be Mad Men-filled — t will be mostly friends and family. [People]
• Remember Anna Chlumsky from My Girl? After dabbling in politics, writing and editing, she's back to acting. [WWD]
• More drama for Whatshername and Whatshis name. [The Sun]
• Al Pacino, Susan Sarandon and John Goodman will star in HBO Films' biopic about Dr. Jack Kevorkian. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Blind item! "Which lazy actor hired someone to do his college homework? Learning apparently does not do a body good." [Gatecrasher]
• "She's been public as well about her extensive plastic surgery-her breast implants, her Botox injections, and her liposuction-and wears wigs so luxurious they are more landscaped than styled. Her own past drug addiction has been some of the richest fodder for her books and radio show." — from a profile on Wendy Williams. [The Daily Beast]
• In this charming interview, Paul Giamatti describes what people's souls would look like: "I'd like to try Willie Nelson's soul for a day. It would be like an ear of roasted corn. And I go to Dolly Parton, for some reason-her soul would be light and airy, like a hummingbird. Yes, I like the idea of having a country singer's soul. But not Merle Haggard's-it'd be an engine block. Powerful, but kind of rusty, with lots of buildup." His own soul? "I'm seeing a hand-painted ceramic toad." [The New Yorker]
• "Everyone says, 'Oh, it's fake, it's fake. But I can tell you from personal experience that it's not. Some of the things, maybe they will produce it a certain way or whatever, but what actually goes down with all the people that I film with is real." — Brody Jenner's girlfriend, Jayde Nicole, on The Hills [E!]
• "When I got my breast cancer diagnosis [in 2004] and realized that my body was out of balance, I started to look at what it needed to be in balance: good food, whole food. I started looking at the environment around me - and I realized we need similar ingredients to make our earth bodies run. We have neglected what it takes to make the earth run. When I got involved in Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth, I really began to educate myself. I realized I couldn't keep walking down the path of, 'I can put anything I want into my stomach, and I'm going to live forever.' That's not going to work, nor will it for the Earth." — Melissa Etheridge. [Politico]
• "The reason I joined [Twitter] is because Rob Thomas found my wife on Twitter and they started talking. I didn't really appreciate that so much. So I called Rob. I was like, 'Dude, I hear you're tweeting my wife. So now I'm joining just so I can monitor your conversations.' It was all in good fun." — Chris Daughtry. [newsweek]
• I'm thinking Season 6: "Rescue Me 3-D." Why not? What show is going to be better for 3-D? A show where you're running through a fire, you're up on a giant ladder, you're racing through a fire… You get the regular viewers plus people who are going, 'What? 3-D fires?' You feel like your own living room is on fire! I don't know if that's a good way to sell it." — Denis Leary. [LA Times]
• "It's unprofessional in my eyes. In every soccer player's eyes throughout the world it would be unprofessional to speak out about a teammate especially in the press and not to your face. But I'm going to turn it on a positive spin because that's what this needs. But in 17 years, I have played with the biggest teams in the world and the biggest players and not once have I been criticized for my professionalism. It's important to get this cleared up and I will be speaking to Landon either this evening or over the next couple of days." — David Beckham, who is miffed that his L.A. Galaxy teammate Landon Donovan who called him a bad captain and portrayed him as stingy in upcoming book The Beckham Experiment, written by Grant Wahl. [AP]
• "I trim, but I don't shave. I think it could get pretty gruesome after a while - I mean, my beard is pretty nasty. I happen to be one of those men - uh, I like to bring it in a little closer to the body." — Kelsey Grammer, on manscaping. [NY Mag]
• "Confessions of a Shopaholic was fun, but it was bloody hard work. In Adam, the script was solid; Confessions literally changed day by day, line by line. It was a Disney–Jerry Bruckheimer film, and there were a lot of cooks, which became incredibly frustrating… I had to do detailed and specific work about [my character in Adam] so he didn't end up being a series of quirks. When I initially read that first bit of script, I thought, Jesus, I hope this isn't one of those scripts where it turns out he's just a little off, but he's kind of wonderful and is going to teach us how to be better and more simple people. Because I kind of hate that." — Hugh Dancy, who plays a man with Asperger's in new movie Adam. [NY Mag]
• "I'm high and clean and tight, man. It's good to feel hungry. If you keep filling your tank when it's three-quarters empty, you're gonna run on old fuel. So you gotta drive it down to empty and let it work. I came here to press a little reset and then head back down the road." — Matthew McConaughey, on his 10-day fast. [Times of London]
• "'Was I terrified [of becoming stepmother to three children]? Not at all. Actors are the biggest babies on the planet, and I would rather be in a kindergarten than a room full of actors." — Sandra Bullock. [Daily Mail]

Salon's Thomas Rogers visits Conrad's book signing in New York, and opines that Conrad's success hinges on her blandness. He writes,

Much of the appeal of Lauren Conrad, like the Bella Swan character in the "Twilight" novels, is that she's a near-perfect cipher for young women. It's her very blankness that made her so well-suited for "The Hills" — and a much better choice of star than the woman who will replace her on the show, Kristin Cavallari — because she doesn't create drama. Drama happens to her. It's a feeling that many junior-high-age girls (and some grown-ups) can easily identify with: I'm just trying to be nice — so why is everybody being so mean to me?

Her book, LA Candy, tells the story of Jane Roberts, another nice girl who "just wants to live her life as honestly as possible — and plan celebrity parties, dammit — but is foiled by the producers' meddling and the distorting lens of the camera." It remains to be seen whether the two books that are slated to follow, and the related movie that may result, will help Conrad parlay her Hills experience into lasting fame. She has one big problem: if her appeal is her sheer reactivity, her status as a blameless girl who shit just happens to, then she risks wearing out her welcome she appears too savvy. People might buy that Jane/Lauren just kind of stumbled into a reality show, but will they believe that she stumbled into a book contract, a movie deal, and whatever lies beyond? And if they don't, will they still like her?

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, of course, don't need to worry about maintaining their image as nice people, since much of their fame relies on people totally hating them — and their nine-zillionth return to I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here! is unlikely to change this. In the past, they've seemed aware of the loathing they inspire (how can you say the things Spencer says and not know that you're an asshole?), which makes their recent decision to start talking about Jesus all the time sort of confusing. Jason Boyett catalogs their religious performances, including Heidi's no-doubt-inspiring prayer session with Patti Blagojevich. He also quotes non-reality-star Christians like magazine editor David Sessions, who says,

As far as I know, Heidi and Spencer haven't done anything but yell about Jesus on TV, which makes them look like tacky opportunists and makes religious people in general appear ridiculous. Most Christians would look at their prissy, entitled, hateful behavior-it's all right there on tape-and conclude that anyone who took their beliefs very seriously wouldn't behave in such a fashion.

See, everyone knows Heidi and Spencer are horrible. So why are they trying to associate themselves with a religion that's supposed to be about virtue, charity, and loving thy neighbor? Boyett offers a possible explanation. He says that 46% of non-churchgoers agree with the statement, "Christians get on my nerves." Is it possible that Heidi and Spencer are actually trying to annoy people more? Whatever the case, only time will tell which media strategy pays off better: Lauren's nice-girl schtick, or Speidi's manufactured evil. Until then, they remain locked in an epic struggle between kind-of-goodness and irredeemable obnoxion, a struggle as old as time itself, or at least as old as television.

The Unbearable Lightness Of Lauren Conrad [Salon]
The Gospel According To Speidi [Daily Beast]

We wonder if she was violating any confidentiality agreements she might have with producers of the show, who still have some people believing the "reality" aspect of it. She said she didn't even know about the apology (or rather, "the phone call") until she saw the episode. Re-watching that clip, we're wondering what the producers were saying to her for her filmed phone scene to make it look like she was actually speaking to Spencer.

Earlier: Spencer Apologizes To Lauren For Sex-Tape Rumor

• You may want to just give up on life: Kristin Cavallari is getting $63,000 per episode to "play" a "villain" on The Hills. [PopCrunch]

• A hotel employee on Madonna's backup dancers: "Horrible." "Notoriously difficult… rude… presumptuous and cheap." [Page Six]
• Breaking: Uncle Jesse John Stamos is "conceptualizing" a Full House feature film! The Tanners' triumphant return! [Gatecrasher]
• David Carradine's death is still a mystery — he was found in a sitting position, but with a yellow rope attached to a closet bar around his neck. "We believe that Mr. David committed suicide but it is suspicious," says a police official in Bangkok. [People]
• Further details show that David Carradine may have died "from "auto-erotic accident." [Yahoo News via AFP]
• David Carradine will be seen on his Tuesday's episode of Mental. [E!]
• "Britney Jean Spears was not born into a stable home. She was born into a dysfunctional disordered one because of her father's alcoholic rages… She was on Prozac at 18… Britney was prescribed Prozac but she treated it like headache tablets, taking a pill only on the days she awoke depressed. This seemed to make her more manic…" [Mirror]
• While Britney's in London, she'd like to drop in on the Queen. [Mirror]
• Susan Boyle is out of the hospital and already has an offer to perform for Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher — for £30,000. Also, the portrayal of her as a crazy cat lady persists, since this paper claims she left the clinic because "she could no longer bear to be parted from her family, friends and beloved cat Pebbles." [Daily Mail]
• Krist Novoselic, former bassist for Nirvana, is running for clerk of Wahkiakum County in western Washington. Apparently he is running under the "Grange Party" banner, even though the Grange isn't a political party; it's a protest of the state's system that lets candidates say what party they prefer when running for office. [USA Today]
• The Slumdog kids are in Hong Kong today, where they will sing and dance (?) at a charity event. [AP]
• Lance Armstrong Tweeted in the voice of his new baby boy, writing: "Wassup, world? My name is Max Armstrong and I just arrived. My Mommy is healthy and so am I!" [E!]
• The woman who claims she was assaulted by Sacha Baron Cohen while he was filming Bruno says her injuries are "life-altering," as she suffered brain bleeds and sometimes requires assistance walking. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Lopez was "really nervous" before working on her new flick, the Back-Up Plan, because, she says, "What if I forgot how to act?" Or! What if you were never really good at it in the first place??? [National Enquirer]
• Jay-Z will release his Blueprint 3 album on Sept. 11. Interesting choice of date. [Billboard]
• Living on St. Lucia has had an affect on Amy Winehouse's sound and she is recording with "local musicians" who play traditional island instruments. Sounds… awesome? Whatever, just release some new music! [The Sun]
• Kelly Bensimon — seen here in a rather see-through dress — says of Real Housewives: "I think it was not exactly me just because I was incredibly guarded. I was a nervous wreck! Like after the show, Jill said to me, 'You're such a nice person, why weren't you like that on the show?' I felt badly too because I didn't get to see the real me." So you were being fake then? Interesting. Oh, she also says: "On Planet Kelly, everything is happy, the grass is really green, people are really really nice .... There's, like, fun everywhere and there's excitement and new opportunities all around. It's a really great place - you should come!" [NY Mag]
• Amanda Seyfried's latest film, Letters To Julliet, starts shooting soon, but her leading man hasn't been cast yet. Who would you like to see Amanda fall in love with? [Telegraph]
• Wait! Gael Garcia Bernal has signed on to star with Amanda Seyfried in Letters To Juliet. [Variety]
• Sienna Miller and some other celebs wrote a letter to Nobu restaurant in London which reads: "We feel strongly that blue fin tuna must be completely removed from your menu as it is an extremely endangered animal." [The Sun]
• Other celebs protesting the use of blue fin tuna: Woody Harrelson, Elle Macpherson, Sting, Trudie Styler, Charlize Theron, Stuart Townsend and Alicia Silverstone. [Page Six]
• "Agency Feeding Frenzy Over Ice Cube." The actor/rapper, not the unit of frozen water. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Kate Beckinsale was supposed to play Barbarella in the remake? But lost out to Rose McGowan? Hmm. We'd always heard it was Rose. [Daily Express]
• This review of a recent Mandy Moore show claims that she was "strangely tentative onstage" until the last song, a "rootsy" cover of her pop hit, "Candy," which she "seemed to enjoy more than anything else in the set." [NY Times]
• Shannen Doherty is selling her Malibu home, which has interesting contemporary architecture and a pretty nice pool. Also dig the exposed beams in the living room. [CasaSugar]
• In other 90210 news, Jason Priestley will direct and online series called The Lake. [Reuters]
• Is Jennie Garth a Twihard? She makes husband Peter Facinelli dress up as his Dr. Cullen character all the time, he claims: "She says, 'Put the doctor's coat on!' I'm like, 'Again?'" [Gatecrasher]
• M.I.A. has a record label called N.E.E.T. and this track, "Bang!" is from Rye Rye, the first artist signed. Just the thing to get jumpstarted on a sleepy Friday. [ConcreteLoop]
• "Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal planned to wed in Germany this spring but organisers couldn't arrange the big day in time." [Daily Express]
• Gene Simmons passed a kidney stone and promptly sold it on eBay — for charity. Charming! [Mirror]
• "Boris Becker goes wedding dress shopping with his fiancée Lilly Kerssenberg." She is awfully pretty. Together they certainly cut a figure. [Daily Mail]
• Phil Spector's 28-year-old wife denies she is a gold digger: "I don't take anything from my husband, and I never have. I'm a good person, but people don't see any of that or know how hard I work. I can weed whack. Rip out walls. Lay tile." Also, her pantsuit is 10 years old. "I've had this since high school." She does, however, wear a 9-carat diamond she and 69-year-old Spector "designed together." And now that he is in jail, she always has her hot pink BlackBerry with her: "I never know when he is going to be allowed to call. Whenever he calls, I answer." [LA Times]
• RIP Shih Kien, who played Bruce Lee's enemy in 1973's Enter the Dragon. [AP]
• "Being married is like being on a game show and you're always in the lightning round. I have a podium in my living room, and in the morning I hit the clicker button: 'I'll take Movies That I Think We Saw Together for 200.' The woman is always the returning champion from last week: 'I'll take Details of a 10-Minute Conversation We Had at 3 in the Morning Eight Years Ago...' " — Jerry Seinfeld. [E!]
• "I still can't believe we have a president who is mixed like me. It's one thing that we have a black president but for me it's even crazier because he's mixed. I feel like I come from a smaller off shoot of black people because I am mixed. People say I'm African American but that doesn't include the other half of me. I can't believe I'm living in a time where I feel proud of my president where I feel like things are actually positive and people feel good about where our country can be." — Maya Rudolph. [Women & Hollywood]
• "[Nurse Jackie] is physically low maintenance — that was a huge appeal. Very much like I am. I didn't want to spend a lot of time in makeup. On Sopranos, the nails, the hair, the makeup and the jewelry was very not who I am. It was fun, but after eight years I was ready to try something else." — Edie Falco. [Reuters]
• "All directors compare themselves to Orson Welles, who did his masterpiece at 26. So when you start and you're nearly 40, you're like, 'Oh god, I'm so behind.'" — Michel Gondry. [Independent]
• "I have a pretty amazing personality, and I'm pretty intelligent. Don't just write me off as a pinup" — Megan Fox to Elle. [Page Six]
• "A very smart person told me once what other people think of me is none of my business. ... I do not Google myself. I know that's only going to end badly." — Edie Falco. [Reuters]
• "We do not hang out." — Jill Zarin on the Real Housewives Of New Jersey. [Gatecrasher]
• "I don't know why that's either untapped or overlooked or not done well because there is really no excuse for it. This is a perfect example of it [being well done]. It's not as if women don't exist. I will say that in general there is a lot of crap in the world. It wasn't until I was thrown in the water on day 1 of Saturday Night Live where they said you write for yourself. That's what everyone does. I learned the enormous power of writing for yourself, especially now that people seem to be receptive to the fact that women can write." — Maya Rudolph, who stars in Away We Go, on why women are sometimes underwritten or ignored in Hollywood films. [Women & Hollywood]
• "I can't think of anything more horrible than sharing what I'm doing all day" — Renée Zellweger to Glamour on why she won't use Twitter. [Page Six]

[Los Angeles, May 27. Image via WENN.]