• Before Blake and Amy had even hit puberty, Whitney and Bobby were acting completely bonkers in public all the time. And it sounds like the gruesome twosome is back together again!! They've been spotted on romantic dinners and their daughter is allegedly itching for them to reconnect. Resist, Whitney, resist! [TMZ]
  
• Joaquin Phoenix is filming a documentary to "showcase his transition from acting to music." More importantly, last night he was hanging out with Casey Affleck and Ryan Gosling, creating a triumverate of hotness. [People]
• Perez Hilton continues to be totally outraged about the fact that the Speidi wedding was a mere publicity stunt for Us and probably not legal. "The mag was very well aware of the wedding laws in Mexico for foreigners and they failed to even report if Speidi obtained a marriage license or not," he says. In other news, Perez is really angry that water is wet. [Perez]

• But don't worry, you'll be able to see extensive footage of the fake nuptials on The Hills, since the cameras were there to capture the entire heartfelt, intensely private ceremony. [People]
• Spencer continues to insist that the ceremony was 100% real. “We’ve never been happier. And, like other elopements that happen outside the country, we’ll take care of the legal details when we get home," he tells the AP. [AP via Just Jared]
• In other shocking Hills news, Whitney Port has a new vlog and it's spectacularly boring. [NY Mag]
• Ewan McGregor is selling one of his vintage motorcycles on Ebay to raise money for Unicef. "I collected this bike from the Moto Guzzi factory in Italy and rode it back to London and I've loved riding it ever since. Whoever wins this bike will not be disappointed," he says. Does he come with the bike? We would not be disappointed about that.
• Habitual rehab visitor Scott Weiland says he isn't completely clean. "I still drink, I'm not perfect ... you know?" [ TMZ]
• Hugh Jackman will play magician Harry Houdini in an as-yet-unnamed Broadway musical. We already knew he was a magician because he has us in a trance. Zing! [Perez]
• "I'm just blessed to have two very lovely children in my life, and health. It's something people don't think about a lot. I'm very lucky to be healthy and have healthy kids," says Reese Witherspoon. To read about what other celebs are thankful for, click here. [AP]
• Speaking of Reese, Ms. Witherspoon says she'd like to guest star on 30 Rock. "I love Tina [Fey]," Reese gushes, "and I think she does such a great job, and she really understands comedy for women." [A Socialite's Life]

Life & Style
"Twilight Romance!" Lots of stuff about how Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart might OMG be having a secret relationship, because they had good chemistry on set and he tried to slip her the tongue in a kissing scene. But! She's had a boyfriend for 2 years, and this is fabricated story. Moving on: Pete Wentz texted a few friends on November 14th to say that Ashlee was in labor, but texted again the next day to say it was a false alarm. The baby's not ready yet! Holly Madison says that leaving Hugh Hefner has changed her look! She is wearing less makeup now that she is with Criss Angel. Who wears eyeliner, right? Whoa: Is this a picture of Barack Obama biting Michelle's ear (Fig. 1)??? Lastly, this week in Dr. Rey's Casebook, the good doctor believes that Heidi Klum, who is a flawless fucking supermodel, would be even sexier if only she had Michelle Williams's lips (Fig. 2) WTF.
Grade: D- (2 hour delay)

In Touch
"Jen, I'm Sorry." Sigh. Brad Pitt still feels bad about leaving Jen for Angelina. Jen is not mad at Brad, she just hates Angelina, "pure and simple." Not because Angie stole Brad, but because she won't shut up about it. A source close to Aniston says, "Just when she is in a good place, it seems as if Angelina has to throw some poison her way." The magazine also walks you through Jen's "Seven Stages Of Grief" over relationship in a helpful sidebar, as well as asking a "body language expert" to analyze her facial expressions from her appearance on Oprah (Fig. 3). Moving on: Valerie Bertinelli lost weight through grilled chicken and exercise, what a breakthrough. Kirstie Alley's gained all her weight back and "Oprah Want To Lose Weight For Obama." And Fergie gained weight for a film and she's up to a whopping 121 pounds, but she plans to lose the 13 lbs. she packed on. There's a story called "The Stress Is Getting To Madonna" with pictures of her arms and a line which reads, "The singer appears to be wasting away. Is she okay?" Next, Nicole Richie is planning her clothing line — her jewelry line, House of Harlow, is already in stores. There's an informative piece called "Drugs Ruin Your Looks," illustrated with two pictures of Amy Winehouse. Oh, and a whole bunch of druggy blind items (Fig. 4)! Since she was "dressed conservatively" on a beach in Mexico, and had her hand on her tummy a lot, and a source says so, Mariah Carey is two months pregnant. Oh, Ellen DeGeneres is hosting a show in Vegas called Ellen's Even Bigger Really Big Show: "I may be topless, which is potentially kind of exciting," she jokes. Lastly, an "At Home With Lance Bass" feature reveals that he has a purple satin bedspread and 'NSync bobbleheads (Fig. 5).
Grade: D (1 hour delay)

Us
"How Angelina Tortures Jen." Eight text-heavy detailed pages about the Aniston vs. Angelina feud. The magazine delves into the original betrayal, and uses metaphors like, "Aniston continues to pick at the scabs of her broken marriage" and "Jolie twists her dangerous knife." In insider says Anison is "as adept as Madonna at pushing the right buttons to stay in the spotlight." Plus, when Angelina was on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, instead of wearing the flesh-colored underwear provided, she was naked in bed with Brad Pitt. Intern Margaret's fave part is when a source says: "Whenever the topic of Valley girls comes up in conversation, Angelina likes to tease Brad by saying, 'Brad, you used to like Valley girls, didn't you?'" Next: A photograph of Sarah Palin reclining by the pool at the Republican Governors Association Conference in Miami last week (Fig 6). Oh, and there are pictures of what Michelle Obama could wear to the inauguration (Fig. 7). Hmm, where have we seen that before? Lastly: There's an exclusive interview with Brandy, who, when she got knocked up in 2002, claimed she had secretly wed the baby's father the year before, which was a total lie.
Grade: C (half hour delay)

Star
"Furious Brad: Shut Up, Jen!" Jen told a friend, "I look forward to the day when I can get Angelina in a room and warn her that Brad is going to leave her, just the way he dumped me." Jen also reveals the reason she wouldn't have Brad's baby: He was cheating on her. The mag goes back to a 2003 Vanity Fair party, where Brad disappeared with a "very sexy party planner" and Courteney Cox had to send David Arquette to go find him. Also, when Jen and Brad were together, he liked to wake and bake — smoking pot all the time. Plus, he was "constantly" getting chemical peels and collagen injections. Wowza. Moving on: Guy Ritchie and Rachel McAdams have been flirting on the set of Sherlock Holmes. Crazytown! Four months after breaking up with Michael Bublé, Emily Blunt is dating John Krasinski! Tina Fey turned down an interview with 60 Minutes because she doesn't want to talk about politics anymore. But! She's still one of Barbara Walters's "10 Most Fascinating People." Dr. Phil can't stand curly hair, and makes the female staff come in with straightened hair. New hires are warned they'll have to flat-iron! Blind item! "Who is taking months to plan her wedding because she doesn't want to pay for it? The glamourous girl is calling in favors and trying to get freebies for her long-overdue big day." Mischa Barton is trying to find her way back into the spotlight with a line of high-end headbands. But! She is furious at Nicole Richie for including hair jewelry in her House of Harlow line. Rihanna and Chris Brown went to a lingerie store and Chris bought her $800 worth of unmentionables. Plus, they've coordinated their concert schedules and call each other "beauty" and "rebel." Which is which? L.A. photo agency X17 claims one of their photographers saw Britney's dad, a recovering alcoholic, down more than 6 large draft beers while sitting alone at a bar. His camp claims he was drinking O'Douls. Also: Jessica Simpson might be pregnant. A story called "The Hills: Running Out Of Lies" claims that MTV is "struggling" to come up with fake Hills storylines. LC and Heidi called a truce, and the producers are upset they missed it — they might recreate it. LC's hometown friend Jill Levin is always around, but the producers won't film her because they don't think she is thin or cute enough. And how will producers portray Audrina's new multi-million dollar mansion on the show without admitting that the way she bought it was with money from The Hills?
Grade: C+ (15 minute delay)

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Fig. 7

• Miley Cyrus's YouTube account was hacked yesterday and a video was posted, claiming that the star is dead. The description reads: "Miley died this morning after being hit by a drunk driver. She always told us if anything ever happened to her then tell her loyal fans first before the public. R.I.P Miley, we'll never forget you!" It's all a lie and has since been pulled down. [Perez Hilton]
• Prince goes door-to-door in LA to preach the word of the Jehovah's Witnesses. Ahem. [Page Six]
• Jessica Alba is delighted by motherhood: "Everything is cute, everything is fun," say says, "including the explosive diarrhea — the best ever." Ew, sounds… shitty. [UPI]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty have split; she's back in London, alone and he may want to get back with his wife, Rosetta. Who will Sienna date next? [Daily Mail]
• Wanda Sykes was at a gay rights rally in Las Vegas on Saturday; she told the crowd: "You know, I don't really talk about my sexual orientation. I didn't feel like I had to. I was just living my life, not necessarily in the closet, but I was living my life. Everybody that knows me personally they know I'm gay. But that's the way people should be able to live their lives." But, Sykes said, Prop 8 made her feel like she was being attacked. "Now, I gotta get in their face," she said. "I'm proud to be a woman. I'm proud to be a black woman, and I'm proud to be gay." [Breitbart]

• A Sarah Palin book deal? The governor could get $7 million! [MSNBC]
• Angelina Jolie is "embarrassed" that her father was among the few celebs who supported John McCain. She's supposedly especially dismayed that he called Sarah Palin as running mate "a beautiful choice." Sigh. [Daily Express]
• Sheikh Abdulla Bin Hamad Bin Isa Al-Khalifa, son of the King of Bahrain, is suing Michael Jackson for breach of contract. Will MJ appear in court? Or will the dispute be settled? The sheik wants $7 million… [Daily Express]
• American Idol is filming in L.A. this week and contestants, families and staff have been strictly forbidden to mention the suicide that occurred in front of Paula's home. [TMZ]
• Breaking Hills news from Audrina Patridge: "There is going to be a fifth season. We just found out." She doesn't seem excited. "At one point, all of us were like, 'No, we don't want to do another season,'" she says. "I wanted to do more movies, and Whitney moved to New York and she’s doing her own spin-off. And Lauren’s dating [My Boys actor] Kyle [Howard] but he can’t be on the show because he’s on another show, so that makes it hard." [People]
• Ashlee Simpson thought she was going into labor on Saturday, but it was a false alarm. When will the wee Wentz arrive? [Perez Hilton]
• Kate Hudson: Spotted getting "very friendly" with a female model in Miami. [Perez Hilton]
• Kanye West says he never assaulted a photographer. "I put my hand up to prevent him from taking my image. I didn't assault him… The next morning, plastered across every media outlet... Kanye Gets Arrested. It didn't matter that I wasn't charged or that I hadn't assaulted anyone. All that mattered was that I was arrested." [People]
• The Brit tabs are not happy Kanye has namedropped Princess Diana. [The Sun]
• Hugh Jackman on getting intimate with Nicole Kidman in Australia: "The camera is like a dancer. If you watch any of [Baz Lurhmann's] movies, visually, the love scenes are like poetry." [People]
• Katie Holmes was asked who she considers a role model and answered: "Jada [Pinkett Smith] is so strong. She is a rare woman – a phenomenal friend, mother, wife. She inspires me." [People]
• No one laughed when Tom Cruise appeared in Nazi gear in a trailer for Valkyrie when this NY Times reporter was in a theater on Friday night. [NY Times]
• Kate Moss and Jamie Hince had a fight; she found a vial of his ex-girlfriend's blood he'd stashed as a memento. The ex is Raveonettes singer Sharin Foo; apparently Hince also kept a bunch of love letters from her as well. A spy says "He could just never bring himself to throw them away." Okay, but… blood? Are pressed flowers and photographs not enough? [The Sun]
• Suge Knight's been charged with two counts of possession of a controlled substance (meth and hydrocodone) and one count misdemeanor battery. These stem from an August incident in Las Vegas, in which he allegedly punched his girlfriend of three years, Melissa Isaac, in the back of the head while they were driving. [TMZ]
• Sigourney Weaver is in Morocco at the eighth Marrakech International Film Festival, where she was being honored. She says: "Things are not at all as simple as we in America perceive them about the role of women. We tend to lump the entire Arab world together, which is inaccurate. They love all the strength in women here; it's very much a part of the culture. It's going to take me a while to decipher all the contradictions from actually being here." [USA Today]
• Kelly Osbourne and Luke Worrall are engaged, if you believe Luke's Facebook profile. [NY Mag]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna's "soulmate," Alex Rodriguez, were at the same "showbiz" party in Miami and now the Brit tabs are saying he was "spellbound" by Gwynnie. [Mirror]
• Speaking of Madonna: She's got a video on her website asking people to donate to her school for girls in Malawi. [Mirror]
• Ridiculously romantic Seal and Heidi Klum are getting married again in Mexico, in the spring. This will be the fourth time. "It's where we got married in May 2005, and it's become a bit of a custom to get married there again every year," he explains. "We love it. It's great saying your vows again. You remember who it was you fell in love with. It's also a good excuse to have a big party, and we have a different theme every year." [Daily Mail]
• Amy Winehouse was on a "wild rampage" on Friday. [Mirror]
• Jean-Claude Van Damme spends most of this Newsweek interview hitting on the reporter, telling her: "I would love to be naked in front of you." He also invites her to the premier of his film and says, "We can have some champagne, you and me." [Newsweek]
• Charlize Theron has been named a United Nations messenger of peace, with a special focus on ending violence against women. [Reuters]
• Uh-oh: Justin Timberlake's New York City restaurant, Southern Hospitality, is being sued by a busboy (on behalf of 50 other employees), claiming the joint has cheated staff out of tips, proper pay and overtime. [Reuters]
• Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe share custody of the kids during the holidays. "I think the most important thing is to be a grownup," she says, "and not let any kind of feelings affect how you deal with your children." [People]
• Some of the original stars of ER are coming back for the final season, but not Julianna Margulies: She was invited but declined, saying, "I feel like I left [my character] Carol Hathaway in the best scenario possible." [AP]
• Isabel Lucas and Shia LaBeouf: It's on. She's the one who was in his car when it got totalled by another vehicle that ran a red light. And yeah, she's in the Transformers sequel. [News.com.au]
• My Big Fat Greek Wedding star Nia Vardalos and husband Ian Gomez have a baby. She was quietly adopted several months ago and is a toddler under five years old. Her rep says: "They are going public now to bring attention to National Adoption Month and the 500,000 children in foster care." [Yahoo News, People]
• Lily Allen's little brother Alfie and his fiancée, Jaime Winstone, had a "public row" after a boozy night. She screamed at him in the street! [Mirror]
• Rapper Nelly has a marketing deal with Ford, but he's not in ads or commercials: He just drives the Flex SUV and puts it in his video. It's promotion, not advertising. See? [Reuters]
• Rob Lowe says he and his kids fled the California wildfire near his home just in time: Apparently the flames were shooting 200 feet, the wind was blowing at 70 miles an hour and "it was just like Armageddon." [AP]
• Snoop Dogg's family and staff were among the 26,000 residents forced to evacuate due to the California wildfires; Snoop wasn't home. [Yahoo News]
• Ann Curry has been climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, Africa, for the Today show and says it's "like climbing a Stairmaster for six hours a day with 20 pounds on your back." Ann, 52, did not have much time to train because the trip was assigned at the last minute. "To be honest with you, I'm not sure I'm going to make it to the top," she says. "But all the pain and suffering is worth it because of the incredible vistas all around me." And: "I miss my family. And also warm showers. And I could really use a stiff drink." [AP]
• Are the Fugees getting back together? Wyclef Jean says maybe! Has he told Lauryn Hill? (He says, "It's not gonna happen without Lauryn.") [ITN]
• Bruno Tonioli says Simon Cowell wants to buy Strictly Come Dancing, the Saturday night rival show of his show, X Factor. Simon's spokesperson says it's a joke, but won't Simon own all TV shows someday? [Telegraph]
• In this interview with Helen Mirren, she talks about her tattoo, prostitutes of a certain age, and what makes her cry. Also, she rides a motorcycle in a new children's movie called Inkheart, and says: "I didn’t have to learn [to ride it] because I already had a motorbike when I was in my early twenties. So I thought, I don’t care what else happens, I want to be on that motorbike again." [Times]
• Oh, and here's Helen Mirren talking about what she was like as a schoolgirl. [Daily Mail]
• A car owned by David Beckham when he was 19 years old is up for sale. It's a 1994 Volkswagen Golf. No one wants to buy it. [The Sun]
• The house where David Beckham grew up is also up for sale. It's a three bedroom priced at £1million — about four times what it's worth — because the owners are trying to cash in on the fact that David Beckham lived there. For two years. As a baby. [Daily Mail]
• A new character on Lost could be part of the Dharma Initiative. [EW]
• Celebs sometimes edit their own Wikipedia entries, but, more often, a publicist does it for them. Apparently the head of communications at Wikipedia gets a few complaints a week from star reps asking for changes. [Yahoo News]
• Bernie Mac's daughter says: "When I turn a corner, I'm still thinking, 'I'm going to see him.' I've had moments where I've woken up and I've sworn I could feel him smacking me on the back of the leg. I'll say, 'That hurts. I told you to stop. You're still so heavy-handed, even on the other side.' […] He was my dad, my first guy I ever fell in love with, my protector. He was the one I laughed with. It's going to be very hard to live without that." [People]
• Melissa Joan Hart's got two small sons and says "It's a constant workout. You don't have time to eat because you're chasing them all the time!" [People]
• Debbie Matenopolous of E! and formerly of The View is about to be single again: Her husband has filed for divorce. [UPI]
• Paul McCartney wants to release "Carnival Of Light," a 14-minute experimental track the Beatles recorded in 1967 but never released. The recording includes distorted guitar, organ sounds, gargling and shouts of "Barcelona!" and "Are you all right?" A hit, to be sure. [AP]
• Kevin Costner and his band Modern West released a CD last week. The sound is "rock-roots with elements of country." Costner says: "When I'm making a movie I'm playing whoever I'm playing. But my personality comes out on stage when I play live. That's when you see me the clearest." [AP]
• Former Guns N' Roses drummer Steven Adler was charged with heroin possession; he's hoping to head to rehab instead of jail and then maybe back with the band. [Reuters]
• Former Soul train host Don Cornelius: Charged with spousal battery, assault with a deadly weapon and dissuading a witness from making a police report. He could face up to one year in prison for each of the five misdemeanor charges. [AP]
• A writer visits Jamie Oliver's Ministry of Food in Rotherham to find out if the project — a walk-in center on the town's main square offering advice and free cooking lessons to anyone who cares to sign up — is working. [Guardian]
• Terri Irwin: Not looking for romance. [UPI]
• Did Terri Irwin "ignore" Bob Irwin, Steve Irwin's dad, at Steve Irwin Day celebrations at Australia Zoo? Bob wasn't mentioned at all and was not seated with Terri or his grandchildren. [News.com.au]
• Legal drama involving the estate of Don Ho. [UPI]
• Believe it or not, cheesy '80s series Greatest American Hero is becoming a feature film. Oh, and there will be an A-Team flick as well as a 21 Jump Street movie. All of your memories, rehashed. [LA Times]
• Speaking of remakes, a producer has offered Arnold Schwarzenegger a cameo in a remake of Conan The Barbarian. The dude says: "He was smiling, but he didn't say yes." [Daily Express]
• "I said, 'Great, I'll do it!' It's very exciting to do something where no artifice is required. The only artifice is going to be your pretending to be that person. You're not going to have any other physical props, nothing to make you more attractive. Because attractive isn't the issue here." — Kristin Scott Thomas, on finding out she wouldn't be wearing any makeup for her role in I've Loved You So Long. [Washington Post]
• "Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and have an idea and have to get up and record it straight away before I forget it. Or with 'Hero,' I was in the studio and someone was telling me about this film Hero with Dustin Hoffman in it. I took a walk to the bathroom and when I came back I had this idea for a song, and that was what then became 'Hero.'" — Mariah Carey. [Daily Express]
• "One time I met this guy in a restaurant on a date and he was really fun. Then we hung out at another bar and, as we were saying our goodnights, he says: 'So, are you coming home with me or not?' I was like: 'WHAT?' To me, that was probably the most bizarre ending to a date I've ever been on. Was I a prude? Oh well, that was the end of him. He lost me in one night." — Kate Hudson on her "date from hell." [Daily Mail]
• "He’s a man and he will always want more sex than he gets. Pete might not get it often… but when he does it’s worth it." — Katie "Jordan" Price. [The Sun]
• "I don't know what the motivation was. I remember it was something really vulgar - I mean shockingly so, like, 'Whoa, what, who are you?' I don't really know that person [Lohan]. I only met her, like, three times." — Scarlett Johansson, on the incident in which Lindsay Lohan scrawled "Scarlett is a bloody cunt" on a bathroom wall two year ago. [New York Post]
• "I studied homeopathy for years and years. Herbs and all kinds of acupuncture, acupressure, alternative medicine. I think it's just better to treat the whole person. And the wonderful thing I've seen over the last 20 years is how mainstream medicine has really opened its doors to alternative medicine." — Sissy Spacek. [NY Post
• "PAPARAZZI GIVE REAL PHOTOGRAPHERS A BAD NAME. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, THEIRS ARE WORTH A THOUSAND DOLLARS… LET US NOT FORGET THE PAPS KILLED PRINCESS DIANA. WHEN WILL THERE BE A LAW PASSED THAT SIMPLY ENFORCES THAT SOMEONE HAS TO ASK TO TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU. THAT WOULD SEEM LIKE COMMON COURTESY. RIGHT NOW THE PAPS ARE ABOVE THE LAW AND THE PEOPLE THEY SHOOT ARE BELOW IT. WHAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IS PICTURES TAKEN WITH THE INTENT TO SELL….LIKE DRUGS WITH THE INTENT TO SELL… THE COPS WERE VERY CORDIAL BUT TOLD ME THEY HAD TO ARREST ME BECAUSE A COMPLAINT WAS FILED. THAT WAS THE BOGUS PART. THEY PLACED ME IN HANDCUFFS AND DROVE ME TO THE STATION. THEY SPOKE ABOUT HOW THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A PUBLICITY STUNT BY THE PHOTOGRAPHER BUT THEY STILL HAD TO GO THOUGH THE MOTIONS." — Kanye West. [Perez Hilton]

• Good Morning, you have new president. His name is Barack Obama. No, he cannot start today. But soon. And he says: "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy… tonight is your answer." [People]
• Oprah on Barack Obama's win: "It's one of the greatest moments I could ever even imagine. That's how great it is." [ET]
• Courteney Cox and David Arquette hosted a Barack Obama victory party at their house in Beverly Hills. Jennifer Aniston, Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher were in attendance; champagne was had. Meanwhile, in Chicago, Brad Pitt and Oprah Winfrey watched Obama's speech live. Also psyched: George Clooney and Usher. [E!]
• George Clooney: "I congratulate President-elect Obama on his historic victory, and now it's time to begin unifying the country so we can take on the extraordinary challenges that this generation faces." [ET]
• Oprah again: "This is democracy at its finest." [ET]
• In other news, Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with twins. Supposedly. More in Midweek Madness. [Star]

• Britney Spears is on the cover of Australian Cosmopolitan, and they used a photograph tat is five years old. She looks good, though. [TMZ]
• Nikki Blonsky will guest star on Ugly Betty as an assistant from a rival magazine. Will there be an airport-style kerfluffle? [E!]
• Perez Hilton got served! With legal papers: Liz Silver, who runs the Web site PerezRevenge.com, is accusing him of plagiarism and copyright infringement. She had a friend crash his Halloween party and hand him papers. [Page Six]
• Blind items! 1. "Which aggressive TV, stage and movie actor has a shady past? Rumor is he sexually assaulted a girl while in high school and his family had the situation 'swept under the rug.' 2. "Which screen god isn't as happy as he and his paramour would like the world to think? Whenever the couple and their children are in LA, he 'goes to a bar in a Beverly Hills hotel and drinks for hours before going home." 3. "Which oft-photographed socialite/designer is losing her grip on the fashion world? Luxury brands no longer send her clothing and accessories and don't want her in their ad campaigns." [Page Six]
• Holly Madison is "depressed" about calling it quits with Hugh Hefner, but basically, she claims, "I got too old for Hef." Yeah, that's right: She's 28 and too old for the original Playboy. She now sleeps in a guest room. "I still work for him. We're still best friends. I still call and check in on him almost everyday." [Newser via Extra]
• More from Holly: "It might be refreshing to date someone who is not high maintenance. Sorry, Hef, you know you're high maintenance. I love you but you know you're high maintenance." [Perez Hilton]
• The rest of Janet Jackson's tour: Officially canceled. They say scheduling conflicts. Could it also be vertigo? Or crappy ticket sales? [Perez Hilton]
• Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty are both off of NME's "Cool List" this year. Drugs and jail are bad for your career, kids! [The Sun]
• CNN's Christiane Amanpour may finally get her own show. It's about time! [Page Six]
• A top Hollywood agent — who repped Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Aniston and Matthew McConaughey — insulted his clients, stole gifts sent to them, and discussed their private parts, a lawsuit alleges. [Page Six]
• Angelina Jolie explains War and Peace in her household: "We don't take war and violence lightly, but we don't hide it from anybody. Listen, my kids play video games. I let them play with toy soldiers. We say, 'Mommy and Daddy have movies where we play these characters, but there's real death and real violence in the world. There's a real responsibility there to create in their minds the difference between the two." Also, when Mommy visits Afghanistan, she wears a flak jacket. [People]
• Anne Hathaway's new man is an actor named Adam Shulman. He's cute. [Perez Hilton]
• The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) is not happy about when Nelson's use of "that's so gay" in a scene with Milhouse on The Simpsons. [TMZ, E!]
• 50 Cent's new TV show, 50 Cent: The Money and the Power, airs tomorrow on MTV. Fourteen "wannabe moguls" compete to earn a $100,000 investment from the rapper by doing challenges like walking through Brooklyn chained together. No, really. There's a clip. [People]
• Christina Aguilera's new TV commercial for Target has a comic-book feel, meaning she wears a red jumpsuit and a cape. At least she seems to know who Roy Lichtenstein is. (There's video of her talking about the spot.) [People]
• Don't tell anyone, but Keanu Reeves is a secret genius. He reads Proust and stuff. Shh! [Newser via Details]
• Cammy Diaz: Seen smoking like a fiend and being rude at Drew Barrymore's Halloween party. [Page Six]
• Charlie Sheen left his pregnant wife at home to go party at get lap dances in Las Vegas because he is Charlie Sheen. [Star]
• Guy Ritchie has hired a top family lawyer to handle his custody battle with Madonna. She's already got a top divorce lawyer. Ever heard the joke about he little girl at the cemetery? She asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" Her mom said, "Of course not, Why would you think that?" And the girl answered: "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'" [Daily Mail]
• Guy Ritchie went out for drinks and now the Brit tabs are calling him "Tipsy Ritchie." [The Sun]
• Tina Fey's Emmys and SNL appearances may be translating into more 30 Rock viewers. She deserves it! [AP]
• Hindu leaders are not amused by Heidi Klum's Kali Halloween costume. [Best Week Ever]
• Katie Holmes and Rebecca Gayheart were friends 16 years ago, way before Katie met Tom Cruise. According to Roger Friedman, after Katie met Tom, "Gayheart, like most of Holmes’s friends, never saw her or heard from her again." But now Gayheart's in a Broadway play right around the corner from All My Sons. Will they reunite? [Fox 411]
• Have mercy: Janice Dickinson was on some afternoon court TV show, being sued by one of her former models. Judge Christina (???) listened to her crazy-ass defense are ruled in her favor. [ONTD]
• Sharon Osbourne on Simon Cowell's break-up: "He deserves it. He's a t****r, that's the truth." Hmm, what's that word there? Tosser? Anyone? [Mirror]
• Simon Cowell gave Terri Seymour $5 million cash and another $4.6 to buy a Beverly Hills home as a parting gift. Simon, break up with me next! [MSNBC]
• Oh, and Simon says: "Don't worry about me - I don't need a lonely hearts ad. I'm off women now." [Mirror]
• Daniel Craig in a Bollywood film? "I am open to offers from India… Till now I haven't been fortunate enough to get hold of an Indian movie. But yes, I will be very honoured and excited to work with an Indian actor or actress on any given chance. I also feel very obliged for the immense popularity which I enjoy in this part of the world." [ONTD]
• Katie "Jordan" Price was named Britain's Best-Loved Celebrity Mum because "she's not perfect." [Mirror]
• Liz Hurley's husband likes it when she dresses like a tart. "Like the vast majority of men, Arun likes short, tight, sexy dresses." Here's the good news: So does Liz. [The Sun]
• Expect to see a lot of Jennifer Hudson headlines like this (this isn't the first one): "Hudson Begged Mother To Move Out Of Neighborhood." [Daily Express]
• Denis Leary is the voice of Ford Trucks. Don't worry, he makes no mention of autism in the commercials. [Business Week]
• Singer Duffy accidentally set her hair on fire in her dressing room in Cleveland. Candles are soothing yet dangerous! [ONTD]
• Matthew Broderick quotes Ferris Bueller in this prObama video. [Newser via HuffPo]
• Carrie Underwood won't tell you who she voted for, so stop asking. [People]
• Cindy McCain "has this evil queen beauty about her," quoth Project Runway's Austin Scarlett, whilst seen voting in New York. [NY Observer]
• Apropos of nothing: "Mariah Carey's Top 10 Maddest Moments." [Mirror]
• Audrina of The Hills moved out but LC was cool with it blahblahblah JustinBobby blahblahblah. [People]
• Corrie Loftin of Paris Hilton's My New BFF was once ins a Girls Gone Wild video. And hanging out with Paris is different… how? [E!]
• "Sporty Spice," Mel C says: "I know there’s been a lot of things written recently saying I’m getting married and they’ve said the date and the church and that Victoria’s organizing it, but, no, we’ve got no plans." Seems she wants to have the baby first. [The Sun]
• Did Ivana Trump's young Italian husband cheat on her with a hot Italian model? "Nothing sexual happened. That I know for sure," she writes in Page Six Magazine. "I'm not going to make any other comment until I speak to him." Good idea! [Page Six]
• Selena Gomez, 16-year-old budding Disney star, was asked if she reads tabloids: "Recently, I have not. I'm actually very, very proud of myself. Honestly, the blog sites and everything — I'd be on them nonstop. I've gone four weeks total without looking at them and I'm very proud and very happy. I was addicted. It was bad." [LA Times]
• Courtenay Semel's dad, former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, has cut her off. What's a girl to do? A reality show, obvs. [Page Six]
• For the last time: Joe The Plumber did not hook up with any SNL cast member. [Politico]
• Simply Red's Mick Hucknall, yes, that's right, Mick Hucknall, paid £29,000 for a pair of David Beckham's football cleats in 2002 and they seem to have lost about £25,000 in value since then. Surely he's wishing he really could be holding back the years. [Mirror]
• Reading about Bianca Jagger being in an argument over a €200,000 ring she lost in Salzburg earlier this year is like reading about a goblin surfing on Mars: Sounds interesting, but I just can't relate. [Yahoo News]
• Very cool, worth-your-while profile of Diahann Carroll. She says: "Dynasty was rather marvellous, you know. It was all about the clothes. The most important thing about the day was wardrobe, and of course I explained to Aaron [Spelling] I didn't want to be on the show unless I could be bitchy." She also says: "I lost two children [to miscarriage]. That's why when we talk about racism it will always take third, fourth, fifth place to some of the other things that have happened to me that are much more meaningful than being in a room with an idiot who is going to judge the color of my skin." [Guardian]
• "Having a love is a gigantic bonus in life, but I wasn't unhappy when I was single, either. (John)'s just fun, so much fun. I'm very happy now." Bo Derek, who's living with John Corbett, aka Aidan from Sex And The City. [The Sun]
• "I enjoyed being Mayor of Carmel, but you do see that it is very difficult to get things done. You just have to lose your soul. You have to bullshit people. You have to deal with people you don't care for and will never be friends with, so you kind of sell yourself out to be a politician. You have to kiss it up with the world. That ain't my style." — Clint Eastwood. [Daily Express]
• "I'd always fall for guys I wanted to save. For the first time, I fell in love with someone who saved me." — Jessica Simpson on Tony Romo. [People]
• "I would rather be sexy like Simone Signoret or Anna Magnani than like - oy, vey - Paris Hilton" - Erica Jong to More. [Page Six]
• "Barack Obama's treated like the Messiah in England. We don't have particularly inspirational politicians, certainly no one who can draw crowds in the thousands." — Daniel Radcliffe. [Page Six]
• "I think every black kid will tomorrow will be one inch taller when he goes to school. And I think everyone will be energized. And a lot of people who had given up hope in the last seven eight years are hopeful." — Richard Belzer. [Observer]

West Hollywood, October 31. Image via x17.

And today's teens don't just want to ogle the wealthy; they want in on the action: The new tween-friendly flagship Juicy Couture store in New York offers $328 rhinestone-encrusted cashmere hoodies. Are kids today learning that money makes everything better?

Ms. La Ferla interviews Juliet B. Schor, a sociology professor at Boston College. She claims: "We are living in an era in which emulations and aspiration has upscaled very significantly. The media tells us, 'Anybody can succeed. You just have to have the right clothing, the right friends, the right décor.'"

Cintra Wilson attempted to shop at the Juicy Couture store, which embodies the spoiled brattitude that is so hot right now. She writes: "Juicy is posing as disestablishment chic. It is putting food coloring in its blond hair and driving to the underage punk show in Dad’s Lexus. Juicy is de-punkinated punk that rarely verges into the naughty."

Little girls have almost always dreamed of being princesses, but there's something disturbing about the ways they're going about it these days. Sleeping Beauty and Snow White were kind to animals and never flashed their crotches when getting out of a car; Little Orphan Annie was just as charming and popular when dressed in rags as she was when she became an heiress. She certainly never got carted away to jail by the cops. But these stories about the younger generation are worrying: If all of their idols shop for a living, they confuse expensive with stylish and think that money and happiness are the same, aren't they in for a rude awakening when they get old enough to pay the bills?

Markets Stall But Spoiled Always Sells [NY Times]
Rhinestones Are A Tween’s Best Friend [NY Times]

• Britney was at a middle school in The Bronx yesterday to present a $10,000 check for the music program. The donation came from Elizabeth Arden, which is behind Brit's fragrances, Believe, Fantasy and Curious. [People]
• Hey, guess who has another perfume coming out in December? [ONTD]
• So yesterday we read that Britney wanted to buy her sex tape from Adnan Ghalib. Today Adnan says: "There is no sex tape. I’m extremely upset and taking legal action." Um, against whom? Also, even if there is no "sex" tape, there's no doubt he has some footage of her dazed and naked. You just know it. Think about the state she was in back then. [The Sun]
• Oh here we go, more quotes from Adnan: "There is no sex tape, and I've never claimed there is one. I don't know where these quotes I'm supposed to have said have come from. What I do know is they certainly didn't come from me and they are completely false. I'm extremely upset and distressed and I'm taking legal action... This story has caused a lot of hurt to my family and people close to me. There is no sex tape. That is the end of the matter." [Star]
• OMFG: Did LC hook up with JustinBobby behind Audrina's back??? [E!]

• Lily Allen's friends want her to go to rehab, since she drinks too much and always feels depressed. Sniff. [Perez Hilton]
• Tina Fey's Palin videos are getting big traffic for NBC's website. And she's not even an SNL regular anymore. [MediaWeek]
• The Heather Locklear/Jill Ishkanian story is long and complicated, but it seems to involve Denise Richards. [Jossip]
• Did you know that Charlize Theron makes a shitload of money just for wearing jewelry? [The Smoking Gun]
• Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo: Winter wedding? [The Superficial]
• Have you seen this video with Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston, Benicio Del Toro, Laura Linney, Eva Longoria, Leo DiCaprio and ton of other celebs encouraging you to vote? [People]
• There's also a video with Demi Moore and Ashton and "Barack Obama." [Perez Hilton]
• David Beckham spent the whole night drinking with some guy he thought was Rex Lee — Lloyd from Entourage — but it was just a prankster. [Mirror]
• Shia LaBeouf: Injured again, this time above the eyebrow, by a prop on the set of Transformers. He got stitches, then it was back to work. [Perez Hilton]
• Bianca Golden, the America's Next Top Model contestant who had an airport showdown with Nikki Blonsky and her family this summer, has spoken out for the first time about the incident to Tyra Banks (of course!). Bianca says Nikki was rude to her family from the beginnning and that "her father … punched my mom. He knocked her out. He hit my mom with such force she stumbled back, and when she stumbled back, the whole family got up and attacked my mom." Then the Blonsky family supposedly yelled racist remarks at the Goldens. DRAMA! [Perez Hilton]
• Jamie Hince, Kate Moss's ex, went to a psychic in L.A. after a "massive drinking session" and had to be helped out the place. Did the clairvoyant see a reconciliation in her crystal ball? [The Sun]
• Word is Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady will get married very soon. A friend says: "I don't think they will even bother getting engaged — and will just slip off and marry quietly." [Perez Hilton]
• Russell Crowe gained 63 pounds for his role in Body Of Lies. He says: "I'll have that cheeseburger for breakfast, thank you!" [UPI]
• A women's shelter cut headliner Sandra Bernhard from its annual benefit after she said Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin would be gang-raped if she ever visited New York. Jokes! [AP]
• Russell Brand wants to sleep with Helen Mirren. "She's so sexy and enchanting, just look at her form." They're going to be working together in a new film version of Shakespeare's The Tempest. Russell says: "I'll be all over her. I don't know how I'll get any work done." [Mirror]
• Is Holly Madison heading for The Hills? She was seen partying with Lo, Brody and Frankie. [E!]
• Jane Kaczmarek says even though she and hubs Bradley Whitford are television stars, their family only has one TV in the house. "We don't watch much TV," she claims. "We're big readers." [UPI]
• Were those nude Marilyn Monroe photos that are the subject of a lawsuit found in a garbage can 35 years ago? [AP]
• Robbie Williams is working on an aliens-inspired album, and has been writing alien-anthems at a UFO camp in Trout Lake, WA — a hot spot for alien encounters. [Perez Hilton]
• You know how Courtney Semel smacked a security guard in Vegas back in August? She's getting off with just paying a $250 fine. [TMZ]
• A cookbook from rapper Coolio? LOL! He says: "I'm a gourmet chef. I have my own YouTube channel for cooking. I do a lot of healthy fusion food - I do Black Italian - Blitalian, Black Asian - Blasian, Black English - Blenglish and I'm about to try Black Scottish - Blottish. I like traditional food and putting my own twist on it." [Daily Express]
• Get your tie dye out, Phish is reuniting. [Newser]
• Rickrolling has brought Rick Astley back into the public eye, and he's up for an MTV Europe Music Award this year, although he has never been nominated before. [BBC News]
• Behold: Luke Ledger, Heath's cousin. Also an actor. [News.com.au]
• Here's a funny little story told by actor Sir Michael Gambon, about Johnny Depp meeting the Queen. [Telegraph]
• Ang Lee is working on a comedy about Woodstock. The 1969 concert, not the tiny bird who's friends with Snoopy. [Reuters]
• "I think my only trick is… be normal and kind of have your shit together. And be consistent and reliable. Just not a flake. Really, the thing is, not to be a superflake. Don't be an asshole. Don't be supercocky. Don't be a show-off. Everyone for some reason feels the need to show off." — David Spade, on how he gets so many chicks. [Radar]
• "I definitely think there's more opportunity in television to a certain degree. But I don't know that there's as much opportunity for a lot of people of color to spread their wings because sometimes it came be very limited. But there are so many filmmakers that are willing to take more risk, and do color-blind casting — that's how a lot of things have come to pass for me […} You can get shafted both ways — you can be too American, or you can be too Chinese. It's a very difficult combination to be neither/nor, or either/or. It's nice to be able to embrace all cultures and to jump from one thing to another, which is kind of the whole reason for acting, to transform yourself, you know?" — Lucy Liu. [Wall Street Journal]
• "I have a great guy that's been around me for 15 years and he likes to yell at me every time I come into the office. He's a cranky old man. I love him. He is a Jungian therapist. He's taught me to listen to my psyche, be aware of what is going on and to make great choices." — Pamela Anderson. [Guardian]
• "The film is particularly painful for some people to watch. They keep hoping for a different ending. The great thing for me as an actor is I get to play all that anger on screen. So I don't have to live with it." — Kevin Spacey, on his flick Recount, about the 2000 election and the hanging chad debacle. [Independent]

It's the one in the middle.

• Did Samantha Ronson refuse to DJ a lesbian bar because "she doesn't do those kind of venues" ? [Page Six]
• Headline of the day: "Lindsay's MySpace Is Like Her Fake Wedding Ring." [E!]
• Additionally, Lindsay says Joe Francis is "yuck." [E!]
• Did Michael Lohan write a blog in which he calls Samantha Ronson "disgusting" and discusses her toilet paper habits? [The Sun]
• Victoria Beckham says she'd like to have another kid but she's too busy right now. "I don’t want another baby for two years because I’m working so hard on my fashion business. I haven’t got time. We would like another child but it won’t be for a couple of years yet." She also says: "David and I still go out on our own and we have a real laugh together. I love him more now than I did when we first met." Awww. Sniff! [The Sun]
• The Jolie-Pitt Foundation has just donated another $1 million, this time to fund the Human Rights Watch's work in Burma and Zimbabwe. [Perez Hilton]

• It's official! Whitney Port, the girl who was flown to Paris by Condé Nast but could not pronounce Givenchy, has her own spinoff of The Hills. The series starts shooting immediately in New York and will follow Whitney's life working for Diane von Furstenberg. Can Whit hold her own? Can she pronounce Houston Street? All will be revealed in 2009. [E!]
• Shanna Moakler, who was "devastated" when she learned of the plane crash that left her ex-husband badly burned, is spending time with Travis Barker, trying to lift his spirits. [People]
• Will George Clooney come back for the final season of ER? (Hint: No.) [Reuters]
• MTV is working on a "black version" of The Muppets with, who else, Kanye West. [Rush & Molloy]
• Blake Incarcerated says he'd rather stay in jail than go to rehab, probably because you can get drugs in jail. [The Sun]
• Kate Moss has been "trying to forget" her breakup with Jamie Hince by hanging out in Paris. [The Sun]
• A judge has thrown out a paparazzo's suit against Keanu Reeves; Keanu hit the dude with his car as he was trying to inch out of a parking space and the guy tripped over his own feet and hurt his wrist. [AP]
• Is Kristin Chenoweth dating Jeff Probst? They're both very pretty. (She says "We're really good friends.") [E!]
• Jonny Lee Miller, ex-husband of Angelina Jolie and star of TV show Eli Stone, is expecting a child with wife Michele Hicks. It will be their first! [People]
• Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey may have split up, not that you care. Also maybe on the rocks: Josh Duhamel and Fergie. [E!]
• Radar did a photo shoot with Shannen Doherty and she looks all angst-y. [Radar]
• Isaac Hayes has left part of his estate to the Isaac Hayes Foundation, which promotes literacy, music and nutrition. [AP]
• Hugh Hefner says Holly Madison is not dating Criss Angel. "Holly shares my bed on a nightly basis," Hef says. But! He admits that his relationships with Holly, Kendra and Bridget are "in transition." [E!]
• Michael Phelps admits he pees in the pool. And! If you missed Phelps playing Dr. McSwimmy in a Grey's Anatomy spoof before the Emmys, you can see it here. [LA Times]
• Pete Doherty was a "chess-mad schoolboy" when he was a kid. [The Sun]
• Charlie Sheen's wife had emergency gall bladder surgery even though she's in the early stages of pregnancy, yikes. She's gonna be okay. [E!]
• Jennifer Hudson's new CD includes a duet with fellow American Idol alum Fantasia. That's a lot of voice on one track. [Fox 411]
• Janet Jackson has left her record label. Stay tuned as she tries to figure out how to stay relevant. [E!]
• "I would like to go to university and complete a degree and so that will mean a break from acting. I've always tried to balance my education with my acting career, but I just don't think it will be possible to juggle it with a degree course. I have a need now to study." — Emma "Hermione Granger" Watson. [Daily Mail]
• "I am a size 27 jeans. My measurements are 34, 26, 39. But remember I am 5'2" and ½ and everyone carries their weight in different places. I am really sick and tired of people being so mean and nasty and assume I am lying. JUST FOR YOU NON-BELIEVERS, I WILL POST A VIDEO BLOG OF ME SHOWING YOU GUYS MY SIZE 27 JEANS LATER TONIGHT!" — Kim Kardashian. [MSNBC]

(All images via Bauer-Griffin.)

[Hollywood, September 18. Image via Flynet]