• Conan O'Brien landed in the hospital yesterday due to an injury sustained during a Tonight Show stunt. A source says O'Brien was "running down a flight of stairs when he slipped and banged his head, possibly sustaining a concussion." [E!]

• Though the network has not yet released any details about Conan's condition or if he's been released from the hospital, they did release a statement allegedly made by O'Brien himself: ""Last thing I remember I was enjoying the play with Mrs. Lincoln and the next thing I knew I was in bed being served cookies and juice." [NYTimes]
• Conan was also cracking jokes during his ambulance ride to the hospital. Is it wrong that I hope he made a Nomi Malone/Showgirls reference regarding Jay Leno and the flight of stairs? [TMZ]
• The rumors about Lindsay Lohan trashing a hotel room during a fight with Samantha Ronson are apparently untrue, as Lohan was in Texas, not New York, when the fight supposedly broke out. [PageSix]
• Meanwhile, producers of Celebrity Big Brother UK are trying to line up Lohan for the last season of the show. [TheSun]
• Seth Rogen's dream came true when he was asked to co-write and lend his voice to the first episode of the upcoming season of The Simpsons, where he'll spoof his own Green Hornet experience by playing a trainer assigned to whip Homer into shape for a big budget action film. "As a writer, it always just seemed like the Holy Grail," Rogen says, "I can die a happy man now." [AP]
• Randy Quaid and his wife allegedly have their hotel bill-hopping scheme "down to a science," according to a Santa Barbara County Sheriff, who notes that the couple have pulled similar stunts before. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus will reportedly be movin her hips like yeah in the Sex and the City sequel: "Miley sees this as a transition from teen stardom to more adult roles," says a source, "We're all wondering how long it will take Kim to have Miley knocking back Cosmos and ogling all the men. Seriously though, all the girls are excited to have Miley on board." I think it will take 5 years, source! Because she's only 16 years old like yeah, so it's a straight edge party on the set in the USA while the cameras are rolling, know what I'm sayin? [ShowbizSpy]
• Afeni Shakur has donated over 150 pieces of her son, Tupac's work to the Robert W. Woodruff Library at the Atlanta University Center. The collection includes handwritten notes, lyrics, and poetry. [AP]
• Mary-Louise Parker is dating musician Charlie Mars. He's 10 years younger than she is, so get ready for 6-8 months of stupid cougar references. [People]
• Ashton Kutcher's The Beautiful Life, starring Mischa Barton, has been canceled by the CW after only 2 episodes. Sadly, no one has canceled the similarly-titled Ace of Base song from my brain since I read this item earlier this morning. [THR]
• Catherine Zeta-Jones and husband Michael Douglas shared a birthday yesterday; she turned 40 and he turned 65. "'When you live in Los Angeles you can't go anywhere without being critiqued - on the fact that you have gained weight or that you have got spots on your face. That's not the life I want," Jones says, "Deciding to live in beautiful Bermuda was the healthiest thing Michael and I ever did. Now that I have kids, that's what my life is about." [DailyMail]
• "I've been afraid of the dark my whole life. If I go into my house at night and the lights have been turned off... I have to run from the door to the light switch to turn it on... I'm just afraid of what I can't see. I watch a lot of paranormal shows, like Ghost Hunters... and they freak me out." -Megan Fox [DailyExpress]
• Brett Ratner had to convince producers to allow an autobiographical sex scene in his short for New York, I Love You, wherein a character loses his virginity to "a paraplegic dangling from a tree." Ratner, who apparently lost his own virginity this way, says "When I sent the original script, which is autobiographical, the producers would not let me film it because, in the original ending, she (the girl) is a cripple, and they have sex as she's hanging from a tree in Central Park. Everyone was freaking out over my short, so I changed it to where she wasn't a cripple, but an actress pretending to be a cripple." [DailyExpress]
• Jay-Z says that he's thankful his mother, Gloria, set up a meeting between him and his estranged father, whose absence caused a great deal of "resentment and anger" in his life, as it allowed him to better understand his father's choices. [ShowbizSpy]
• Michael Jackson admitted in an interview to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach that he was terrified of growing old and that he felt Madonna was jealous of him: "'I think she was in love with me and I was not in love with her." [DailyMail]
• Boteach also says that Jackson had "lost the will to live" and was embarrassed about his appearance, noting that he felt he looked like a "lizard." [Reuters]
• "I just hit 40, so what more can I say? I mean, the fact that I'm 40 is a miracle. I'm on the other side now."- Christian Slater [ShowbizSpy]
• J.K. Rowling has opened a Twitter account. Rita Skeeter has already sent her 82930283 direct messages, asking for scoops. [EW]
• And now for my favorite news ever: Snoop Dogg is a big fan of the 90s British sitcom Keeping Up Appearances: ""They still run the show on BBC America so I think Mrs Bucket must have some sort of cult following in the US. I still watch the show to this day and it makes me laugh so hard. She has to be one of the funniest people on TV." [TheSun]

• Heidi Klum's new coffee table book, Rankin's Heidilicious , is "very naughty." Who doesn't want nudity with their coffee? Oh, wait, everyone? [ElleUK]
• American Apparel brings its sleaze to England. England doesn't like it. [The Street]

• The "provocative" American Apparel ad, which appeared, natch, in Vice, involved a model who appeared to be under the legal age of 16. And who was probably wearing crotchless lame jersey bloomers? AA says she's 23. [Daily Mail]
• No, wait, it's a hoodie - unzipped, obviously, and revealing one underaged nip. [Reuters]
• The Advertising Standards Authority has suggested that the vertically-integrated softcore "could be seen to sexualise a model who appeared to be a child." [BBC]
• Fashion weekly Grazia has come to France, sporting Kate Moss. [WWD]
• Speaking of Kate! The much-discussed Paris Kate Moss retrospective has been put on hold for lack of funds. Priorities, people! [Google]
• This is a woman whose latest perfume ad features leather corsets, partial nudity and "fantasy sex!" [Daily Mail]
• And she's appearing on her celebrity stylist best mate's reality show! [GraziaDaily]
• Grazia's hoping to beat Elle in France. But Elle has a secret weapon: Posh Spice's cleavage. [Cocoperez]
• A biography of Laura Ashley - the woman behind the florals - hits tomorrow. The chintz-mongers will be releasing a line of mugs and fancies to correspond to its release. [ElleUK]
• Karl Lagerfeld's cover of Wallpaper: "While Lagerfeld has shot his current muse, Baptiste Giabiconi, clad in a Dior Homme suit for his cover, he's added a layer of paper to the magazine, which those inclined can peel off to reveal Giabiconi naked. Lagerfeld has also shot a 27-page editorial for the title featuring Giabiconi in locales such as the Queen's Theater in Versailles." He's caught the pulse of the times. [WWD]
• Harper's Bazaar bucked the September slump: their secret weapon? Susan Boyle. [Min]
• House of Deréon is taking their glitz to Greece. Cue Trojan Horse joke. [WWD]
• Mary-Kate Olsen on her style? "There was a photo of me with weird sunglasses on and a green sweatshirt, some striped thing, with tights and cowboy boots. Something really random where in some sense it's me. To this day, I have never read the article. I just saw the photo and thought, 'God, I look crazy in that photograph!'" This, is true. [NYPost]
• And speaking of sartorial eccentrics, what's on tap for Betsey Johnson? "I'm going back to my true blue pieces - and couture prom dresses. I'm hoping the clothes will get edgier - more archival and kick-ass shoulder pads. I just want to be more true blue me." Already hating those young girls who will be buying said couture prom dresses. [VogueUK]
• Ruben Toledo on his (amazing) covers for Penguin classics: "I must confess I didn't re-read the books - I never read them in the first place. (I was a really bad student as a kid!) It was great to enter them without a preconceived notion of where the story was going, which really triggered my imagination. I took all three manuscripts with me to Miami Beach last New Year's break and spent time reading under the palm trees." [WWD]
• Oh dear: is Derek Lam having cash-flow issues? Sources say the former CFDA winner is bleeding money, has lazy managers, and is being "propped up" by "Italian investors." Aren't we all. [NYPost]
• Gucci's funding a scholarship promoting the use of "experimental technologies" that will make fashion greener. [WWD]
• Loads of designers are banding together against Chicago retailer Jake, who has apparently stiffed a bunch of them. [WWD]
• Max Azria's going to be doing a guest turn on the terrible-but-compelling-looking new model drama The Beautiful Life. Is this the beginning of serious fashion cred? Given that the other known guest stars are Tory Burch and Tyra, we're gonna go with "no." [People]
• House's Olivia Wilde is the face of new Escada scent "Desire Me." Quoth the good doctor, "For me, Escada represents style, refinement and sensuality. I like to think of myself as being an Escada woman, and I think that the majority of women aspire to these admirable qualities that this perfumes so perfectly represents." This said, the ad is very cheesy and kinda looks like it was shot in 1993. [Sassybella]
• Speaking of what every woman allegedly wants to be, Megan Fox is said to be the next face of Armani perfume. [Fashionologie]
• She'd be replacing Beyonce? WTF? [NY]
• Mad Men makeup tips: "A great start would be lining the top lash line only with a gel liner like M·A·C Fluidline...We love this product for recreating the perfect '60s eye. Replacing gloss and sheer or shimmer lipsticks with matte reds, bright pinks, and corals help create a more retro look." So does a cocktail and a Winston. [People]
• Tiffany's doing great. In point of fact, they've kicked Wal-Mart's ass. [WSJ]

In an exclusive interview with Time Out New York's Michael Freidson, Mischa Barton says that her trouble started when she decided to get all four wisdom teeth removed before her new show The Beautiful Life started filming. Something went wrong and she needed a second surgery, which almost delayed shooting. She explains:

"So with the travel, and surgery and prep for the show-it was hell... I went through a tough spot where everything compounded on me, and it was like a perfect storm, like everything was happening to me at once. The show, travel and then this fairly routine surgery that went wrong — it's still just healing. But I had to get through it without proper painkillers because I couldn't take those during work. So it's been a nightmare."

It's possible that rumors that the meltdown was caused by too much partying, drug use, weight issues, or a suicide attempt were untrue, but she doesn't address them at all. When asked specifically how she ended up in a psychiatric hospital, she's pretty vague, saying:

"I was down in the dumps about everything there for a while. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom about things and have to get the most stressed-out just to feel better again. I got completely stressed-out and couldn't handle everything, and now I feel really in control."

Barton doesn't respond when Freidson asks if drugs were the problem and continues that she doesn't even know if it was a nervous breakdown. She says, "I'm not sure I'm capable of a full-on nervous breakdown," but explains that it was "more about the pain" and she started getting migraines. As far as we know, people don't get checked into Cedars-Sinai and held under a 5150 for having painful migraines. It's understandable that she wouldn't want to share her medical information with the public, but then why agree to talk about it in the first place?

While Barton does a good job of seeming like she's sharing a lot of details without actually revealing anything, her feelings toward her mom, whom some have accused of being a stage mom, are pretty obvious. She says a doctor told her that as a result of her oral surgery she could have lost feeling in her lips and face and been unable to act. Barton says she only decided to get the surgery because,

"My mom was like, 'Now's a good time to get it done, before the show.' And it was the worst time to do it."

Freidson notes that she rolls her eyes and looks away when asked about what it was like for her mom. He asks if her mom was the one who admitted her to the hospital involuntarily and she nods yes and rolls her eyes again, adding,

"The funny thing is, if all this happened in New York, no one would care... New York lets you be who you are, and people aren't as judgmental. I'm so glad to be back here."

We have a feeling that the tabloids wouldn't have let her off the hook in New York either, but she emphasizes several times that she's just happy to be in New York and back at work on The Beautiful Life. Though insisting that everything is fine has sadly become de rigeur for starlets who've recently suffered a meltdown, Barton's blaming a serious psychiatric incident on having her wisdom teeth out isn't a very reassuring explanation.

Mischa Barton Talks [Time Out New York]

Earlier: Why Do We Celebrate When An Actress Falls Apart?

[New York, August 10. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Paula Abdul will not return to American Idol. This announcement comes via her Twitter. She wrote:

"With sadness in my heart, I've decided not to return to #IDOL. I'll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all I'll miss being a part of a show that I helped from day1 become an international phenomenon. What I want to say most, is how much I appreciate the undying support and enormous love that you have showered upon me… It truly has been breathtaking, especially over the past month… I do without any doubt have the BEST fans in the entire world and I love you all." She was reportedly looking for as much as $20 million to continue with the show, but producers were recently heard talking up new host Kara DioGuardi (who has already signed on for another season, along with Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest). [Variety]

• First we heard that Penelope Cruz might be knocked up, then we heard she quit smoking, and now a source says: "Penelope is about four months pregnant." Congrats to Penny and lover Javier Bardem! [Just Jared]
• Thank Zeus: Jennifer Aniston has signed on for a movie we can actually get behind: Goree Girls is about an all-female country band in a Texas prison in the 1940s. [Variety]
• Presented without comment: "A park bench featuring a sculpture of a nude Angelina Jolie with her infant twins is to be unveiled in Oklahoma to promote World Breastfeeding Week." [UPI]
• Madonna's old love letters "borrowed heavily" from Anne Sexton poems. [Page Six]
• Childhood stardom can be tough. Ashley Olsen tells Marie Claire: "[Growing up,] it was almost like I was in the Army. School, work, homework, fly to New York, get in at 2 in the morning, do a morning show at 5 a.m., then another one at 7, then a radio interview at 10." She adds: "I look at Britney, and I'm surprised I didn't end up like her." [Gatecrasher]
• When Jon and Kate Gosselin announced their split, they got great ratings; the new episode's ratings? Crappy. Hence the headline, "Viewers Break Up With 'Jon and Kate.'" [AdAdge]
• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Jon Gosselin is on the cover of In Touch, saying "I'm tired of being blamed." He says his marriage fell apart in October 2008. "Many people think that everything moved too fast, that I was out partying too quickly. But Kate gave up on the marriage last October, and the divorce will be finalized by Sept. 30." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Robert Pattinson has been voted the sexiest man in the world in a Glamour mag poll in which many of the women were obviously Twihards. [The Star]
• Spotted: Kelly Bensimon and Damages actress Rose Byrne vying for Gerard Butler's attention. "Kelly blocked Gerard from speaking to Rose and was flirting up a storm - but he couldn't have seemed less interested." Gerard found Rose later and took her to a "private corner" to talk. [Gatecrasher]
• Gerard Butler says he got involved in his new romcom because he was always cracking jokes: "I was doing an action movie with the guys who made this and at night we would go to dinner and I would be like 'did you hear the one about this?' and they were like The Ugly Truth." [Mirror]
• Chris Brown will be sentenced for assault today. [AP]
• Elisabeth Moss says she and Mad Men costar Christina Hendricks — who are both getting married soon — are having their cakes made by the same people.
  "We've been exchanging flower information a little bit," she says. "Our weddings are sort of different, but we love talking about it." [People]
• CW programming chief Dawn Ostroff says Mischa Barton is at work on her new show The Beautiful Life and has been "great" and there have been "no issues." Everything is FINE okay? [USA Today]
• According to this report, it's not Mischa the CW producers are worried about, it's Elle Macpherson, her TBL costar, who has a large role, but can't act. [Gatecrasher]
• Jamie-Lynn Sigler gets kinda Sopranos-esque in this video, "The Real Housewives of New Jersey with Jamie-Lynn Sigler." Bonus points for "buh-bies." [Funny Or Die]
• The Michael Jackson concert rehearsal footage will be a full-length motion picture… if a probate judge approves the deal by Monday. [AP]
• Joe Jackson, thank you for saying the following: "I do visit the family residence from time to time and will continue to do so, however I will not be involved in raising the children." [AP]
• Administrators of Michael Jackson's estate expect to earn cash from merchandising Jackson-related stuff, which would be good for the kids. [TMZ]
• David and Victoria Beckham MIGHT be moving to a £10million home in Chelsea, London, and here are pictures of the house they COULD live in someday. [Daily Mail]
• Check out Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel in this music video shot to promote (500) Days Of Summer. It's got a '60s look and DANCING! [USA Today, USA Today]
• John Slattery, aka Mad Men's Roger Sterling, may direct an upcoming episode of the AMC show. [LA Times]
• Candy Spelling is still using the media to talk to daughter Tori Spelling. Last week she accused Tori of using her kids as "reality show props"; today she's telling Tori: "I love you, and I always will." [USA Today]
• Daniel Baldwin says of the woman who claims he left her a "hostile" message: "Either she's delusional, can't remember what's going on, or she's psychotic." The woman fired his niece, who is a nanny, and allegedly threatened the niece, saying she would never work in Malibu again. Baldwin says he texted back: "Please don't threaten my niece" and that's it. [E!]
• Former U.S. President Bill Clinton will present filmmaker Steven Spielberg with the 2009 Liberty Medal at a ceremony in Philadelphia. [UPI]
• Jay Leno's new show will have "correspondents" — Brian Williams, Mikey Day, Rachael Harris, D.L. Hughley and Jim Norton. [Page Six]
• Josh Duhamel is in talks to star with Katherine Heigl in Life As We Know It, a romance about two people "whose worlds are turned upside down when their mutual best friends die in an accident and name them as caregivers of their orphaned daughter." Cue parenting goofs, falling in love. [Variety]
• Bam Margera is working it out with his wife, with the help of marriage counseling and meds. [TMZ]
• Johnny Hallyday, the "French Elvis," fell while boarding a yacht on the Riviera last month and dislocated his hip. [Page Six]
• This picture of Whatshername face down getting her ass squeezed while getting a massage is one of the reasons I can't bear to be interested in her. In any case, Whatshisname is hoping for a quickie divorce. [The Sun]
• Blind item! "Which wacky celeb is certainly no angel when it comes to her hobbies? This hostess holds drawing parties for her gal pals - complete with a nude model and lots of alcohol." [Gatecrasher]
• "Silence is a powerful weapon in drama, "What you don't say and what you don't reveal can be as powerful as what you do say. My intention is to make [the performance] as real as possible but never forgetting that it's actually drama." — Gabriel Byrne, on In Treatment. [LA Times]
• "She comes to L.A. from the Midwest to find her mother [who turns out to be one of the original show's characters, Sydney Andrews, played by Laura Leighton], and all of a sudden she's thrown in with the sharks." — Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, on her Melrose Place character. [WWD]
• "In the music business in the Seventies, girls were beautiful. You were a performer, or you could be a girlfriend or groupie, but you still had to look good. I didn't have the face or the body that opens doors... Not being beautiful was an education. My achievements are down to my looks, or lack of them... I'm not putting myself down, that's the truth." — Sharon Osbourne, who says being "short, fat and hairy" meant she had to "develop a brain and personality and be fun and smart and learn to get on with people and make deals." [Daily Mail]
• "I'm not going to confirm or deny that. It might jump forward, it might not." -Jon Hamm, on whether the third season of Mad Men takes place two years after the last season ended. [NY Mag, via ESPN podcast]
• "A lot of his chickens came home to roost, so to speak. He had a lot of balls in the air, and they all kinda came crashing down as the season progressed. A lot more happens in season three, and there's a lot of change coming his way. Not only in his life, but a lot happens in the culture as well. So far, it's been an amazing season and I can't wait for people to see it." -Jon Hamm, on Don Draper's meltdown last season and how Don recovers (or doesn't). [NY Mag, via ESPN podcast]
• "They're fucking nuts. You have to either accept that or you do like me: You get married four times."— James Caan, on women. [Page Six via Men's Journal]
• "My music is a little more edgy so that inspired me to be adventurous. I've never dyed my hair before so this was a pretty drastic change. I've always been known as a brunette but I've been thinking about it for a long time and it kind of just fit with all of the searching with the music and experimenting that I would do the same thing with my look. The look has affected the way I dress, it's inspired me to be more adventurous with what I decide to wear. It's silly that something so simple as changing your hair could have such a big effect. I'm just having fun with it." — Katharine McPhee, on dying her hair blonde. [People]
• "I'm not great [at romance in real life] actually — my husband [musician Josh Kelley] and I have had this argument, I can be but generally I am a little, like, squeamish about being too romantic. I do love a good snuggle, but I don't want to, have to, get all verbally gooey." — Katherine Heigl. [Mirror]
• "I probably seem like not a particularly nice person, not a girl's girl. I think if you put a camera in anyone's life and document it daily for six years, from the age of 21 to 27, there are going to be things that aren't always pretty. Those are the rebellious years, the years of self discovery. I've never been someone who has conformed, and I think my response to that level of attention was to pretend it didn't exist." — Sienna Miller. [Daily Mail]
• "I'm disgusted by him. Here's a guy with eight kids who runs off to 'find himself' — well, he should have found himself a condom." — Joan Rivers on Jon Gosselin. [Page Six]

• Seriously, Jennifer Aniston, what the hell are you doing? First you signed on for desperado babyfever flick The Baster, now you're doing a movie called Pumas. That's right: PUMAS. The plot:

"Two thirtysomething women make a habit of romancing younger men." But wait: The ladies take a French skiing vacation that "challenges their romantic expectations." What's next? Old Maid: The Musical? [Variety]

• Mel Gibson was in a scuffle with a photographer and the snapper's friend; a shirt got ripped open and someone is filing a battery report against Gibson. More to come. [TMZ]
• Mischa Barton arrived in New York on Tuesday night to start filming The Beautiful Life, but some are saying it's too soon after her hospitalization. Here's the thing: On the show, Mischa plays an aging supermodel with a drug problem. [Gatecrasher]
• Isn't it interesting that we don't know who the mother of Jude Law's love child is? Someone from the set of Sherlock Holmes perhaps? [Page Six]
• Jennifer Lopez, her luggage, her husband and her impeccably dressed children are in Rome. [Daily Mail]
• Nadya Suleman's reality show is in production. Right now, her 14 kids are being kept off camera, while work permits are being figured out. Her lawyer says: "It most likely will be aired in the UK first once it gets finished, but there has been substantial interest from a U.S. major cable network." [EW]
• Kenny Chesney is denying the Star report (from yesterday's Midweek Madness) that he and Jessica Simpson flirted on July 4, in front on Tony Romo. "Tony's a friend, and I wouldn't flirt with a buddy's girlfriend," says Chesney. "More importantly, Jessica was just being sweet and there was nothing else to it." [People]
• Liam Gallagher and Lily Allen were on an 11-hour Virgin Atlantic flight to Japan and were repeatedly told to "calm down" as they boozed it up in a "marathon drinking session." [The Sun]
• BREAKING: Kim Kardashian doing "okay" after split. [People]
• Amy Winehouse made a deal with her neighbor — he'd grill the meat she'd bought if she'd do a private gig for him one day. [The Sun]
• Here's what happens when Hollywood films a movie in your house: branches with fake leaves arrive; Betty White holds your dog; Ryan Reynolds ignores you. [NY Times]
• Michael Jackson's mother, Katherine, will get custody of his kids. Katherine and Debbie Rowe have reached an agreement which gives Rowe visitation rights — but no additional money. [CBS News]
• Debbie Rowe wants the kids to have a psychologist to help them adjust to her being in their lives… And she will get one. [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson's personal nurse and nutritionist Cherilyn Lee says she never saw him take any IV drugs. What I knew for a fact was he had very small veins. "When I met him and did his blood work he said, 'Don't feel bad because I have tiny squiggly veins, sometimes it takes 30 minutes to an hour to find my veins.'" [MSNBC Scoop]
• Michael Jackson's personal chef, Kai Chase, is still talking about being in the house the day the singer died. "I thought maybe Mr Jackson is sleeping late," she says. Also: She is sort of pushing a cookbook, tentatively titled Fit for a King. [Guardian]
• Dr. Conrad Murray was sentenced to jail earlier this year… for non-payment of child support. [Radar Online]
• Dr. Murray may lose his Las Vegas home. [NY Daily News]
• TMZ spoke to two sisters who worked for Dr. Conrad Murray — LaQuisha Middleton and LaQuanda Price — trying to get details about boxes of dirty needles and whatnot. Whatever you do, do not read the comments over there. [TMZ]
• Rumor has it Michael Jackson's will is not valid because it's not notarized; but in California, a will doesn't have to be notarized. So. [TMZ]
• Speaking of doctors and celebrities with prescription problems… Elvis' doctor has a new book in which he says: "I don't regret any of the medications I gave him. They were necessities." [UPI]
• Daniel Bark, who is charged with vehicular homicide in the death of American Idol contestant Alexis Cohen, says Cohen was drunk. [TMZ]
• The Sex And The City movie sequel is having issues attempting to shoot in Dubai, probably because the UAE authorities don't like that the word "sex" is in the title. [Daily Express]
• Russell Brand "was seen being propositioned by a member of staff from naughty undercracker shop Agent Provocateur." He was in the store chatting with the young lady; and as he left, she ran after him with her phone number. In other words: Just another Wednesday. [The Sun]
• Are Lil' Kim and Scott Storch back on? [Page Six]
• "There's a better fight in the season opener of The Real Housewives of Atlanta than there was in the recent finale of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. [NY Daily News]
• Balthazar Getty: Back with his wife? [Daily Mail]
• The casting of Bryce Dallas Howard and the ousting of Rachelle Lefevre = Twilight dramz. [E!]
• Put it this way: Rachelle Lefevre was "stunned" that her role in Eclipse was cast with someone else. [AP]
• Bridget Moynahan will star with Aaron Eckhart in Battle: Los Angeles, a flick about a Marine platoon in a face off against aliens attacking L.A. [Variety]
• Matthew McConaughey and Eva Mendes are in talks to star in Southbound, in which he'd play a a patrol officer on the border between California and Mexico who accepts a bribe from a beautiful Mexican woman. Eva was born in Miami to Cuban-American parents but whatever. [Variety]
• Russell Crowe will star in The Next The Days, directed by Paul Haggis (Crash). Crowe will play a teacher whose wife is arrested and convicted of a murder she says she did not commit. [Variety]
• By the by, while filming Robin Hood, Russell Crowe popped into a charity shop and donated £1000. [The Sun]
• Interested in ESPN reporter Erin Andrews' 911 call? [TMZ]
• Shakira is back! Her new album and first single are called She Wolf, and the video airs tonight on MTV. You'll see her dancing in a golden cage: "It was improvisation. I went crazy," she says. "They said 'Action!' and I just started hanging from the bars. I felt so inspired, maybe because I felt like I was a living metaphor trapped inside the cage." [USA Today]
• Weird: Val Klimer owes $538,858 in unpaid taxes in New Jersey, even though he is originally from L.A. and has been living in New Mexico for the last 20 years. [TMZ]
• Audrina from The Hills has a new man, an "Aussie BMXer" named Corey Bohan. [E!]
• Gretchen Wilson plans to start her own label which, of course, she will call Redneck Records. [USA Today]
• Men At Work: Still facing plagiarism charges, from a song that was a hit in 1981. [BBC News]
• "I think it's brilliant that Leno is at 10 p.m., because America can get bored more easily and go to sleep earlier. When was the last time you heard, 'Did you hear what Leno said last night?'" — Joan Rivers. [Yahoo News via Reuters]
• "I can't wear a skirt that's too short any more. It's not that my legs are bad, it just looks silly. I feel less pressure to dress youthfully. I'm 50 and everyone knows I'm 50 – who are you kidding? Jeans are my uniform. I have about 15 pairs." — Michelle Pfeiffer. [Daily Express]
• "You just read it. Seriously. It is an incredible document. I think people either forget about it or have been taught it too early in their lives. It's a document worth reading and rereading every single year because it's the principles in that document that we should be loyal to and fight for and struggle for, rather than whichever government is in power." — Matt Damon, on making reciting the Declaration of Independence exciting for a History Channel movie. [AP]
• "I love my curves, I embrace them, but I have to walk a fine line. I think it comes down to being voluptuous, and if your body's a certain way, then things can go distasteful in a second… I love therapy! I'm very in touch with my feelings... there's nothing like going in and sitting down and talking to someone who has no emotional tie to your life." — Eva Mendes. [NY Daily News]
• "I want a part so bad. Any part's fine. I will be the vampire who carries Robert Pattinson's luggage in the airport. That is the part that I will play if they need it. I'd pass out [if I met Robert]. I can't talk about it, 'cause I'd pass out. It's because he's Edward. Listen, Edward can fly you through the forest. He's like Aladdin with vampire teeth - there's magic-carpet rides. He can sing. He can watch you sleep. He plays music. He sniffs your neck. I mean, please!" — Jennifer Love Hewitt really really really wants to be in a Twilight movie, poor thing. [MSNBC]

• Spencer Pratt says that when he did the Today show, he thought that Al Roker was a "fan" "off the street." And! Heidi Montag's command for Al Roker?

"Please do not be rude to women in the future. Please do not be rude to me. Please watch your tone, especially if you have a mother or a wife or a daughter. I don't think that they would appreciate you talking to them like that." Ugh. Seriously? Anyway, Al Roker, Heidi forgives you. [Us Magazine]

• Al Roker's Twitter reads: "Heidi and Spencer are an interesting couple. famous for...being infamous. Bad and vacuous behavior. I think we're at minute 11 of their 15." And! "Amazed at the fact that Ann Curry had an terrific interview w/ Benjamin Netanyahu but what gets picked up is my goofy interview w/ Speidi." Good point. [Gatecrasher]
• Madonna calls her new adopted daughter on the phone every night. [The Sun]
• Remember that voicemail Alec Baldwin left for his daughter? The one in which he called her a "rude little pig" who needed to have her "ass straightened out"? After the message leaked, Baldwin considered killing himself, he tells Playboy: "I spoke to a lot of professionals, who helped me… If I committed suicide, [Kim Basinger's side] would have considered that a victory. Destroying me was their avowed goal." [People]
• A source says that when Lindsay Lohan was at a photo shoot in London, she "kept going on about the jewels, asking if she could have them." Later? They went missing. [MSNBC]
• Look! Lindsay Lohan with a pregnant belly. It's for that flick, Labor Pains, which will air on ABC Family July 19. [EW]
• Lindsay Lohan: Spotted at a club "not acting normal." [Page Six]
• Words you never really thought you would read: Katie Holmes is taping her guest appearance for So You Think You Can Dance today. [Us Magazine]
• Teyona Taylor, who was with Chris Brown at the Lakers/Magic game on Sunday, says Chris Brown did not use her for a PR stunt. As for looking like Rihanna, she says: "I've always dressed like that. I've always had style ... I've had that Mohawk now for months." [TMZ]
• Chris Brown being out and about — instead of keeping a low profile — is part of his "strategy." [TMZ]
• David Letterman apologized again for the joke that involved Sarah Palin and her daughters. [NY Times, TV Week]
• Oh, look: A Fire David Letterman campaign. And a protest. [NY Daily News]
• Jeff Foxworthy on David Letterman: "I don't think any kind of joke about someone having sex with a teenage girl is funny." [CNN]
• BREAKING: Sarah Palin has accepted David Letterman's apology. [AP]
• If you're still interested in Carrie Prejean, here's a story about how she's "considering legal action" against the Miss California USA pageant and how her book deal may have been one of the reasons she was fired. [Radar Online]
• This report claims that the pageant threatened to sue Carrie Prejean, for her "churlish insolent misbehavior." [TMZ]
• David and Victoria Beckham have received a High Court apology from their former nanny, who gave an interview to the News Of The World after she resigned and spilled all kind of private information. [BBC News]
• Bad news for Patrick Swayze: A&E's series The Beast has been canceled. [NY Times]
• Why hasn't Mischa Barton been at any of the promotional events for her new model show, The Beautiful Life? Weird, right? [Pop Wrap]
• Peaches Geldof is being linked to an L.A. stylist named Sandra S. This paper takes it as a sign "she may be off men for good." [The Sun]
• Adrien Grenier and Twilight's Ashley Greene: It's on. [Page Six]
• Gerard Butler and designer Rachel Roy? Getting cozy? [Page Six]
• Steven Spielberg and Noah Wyle are working on an alien-invasion TV series for TNT that sounds kinda like V. [EW]
• Natalie Portman is in talks to star in a supernatural thriller set in the world of New York City ballet (?!?!) directed by Darren Aronofsky, of The Wrestler and Requiem For A Dream. Intriguing! [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Leonardo DiCaprio will star in a flick about Costa Rica-based online casinos, written by the guys who did Ocean's Thirteen and Rounders. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Wow. A documentary chronicling Tilda Swinton as she bikes along what used to be the Berlin Wall. Sign us up! [Reuters]
• What the world needs now: R. Kelly will make his first trip to Africa and perform at the Arise Africa Fashion Awards gala in Johannesburg, South Africa. [WWD]
• "Artie Lange won't be appearing on Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show anytime soon: Producers think Howard Stern's sidekick isn't sober enough to perform." [Gatecrasher]
• Ignore any rumors you may have heard about Stephen Baldwin's house being in foreclosure, says Stephen Baldwin's rep. [People]
• As previously mentioned, Scott Weiland's wife is writing a book about their marriage's ups and downs; Scott Weiland says: "My love for her will never end. We just forgot how to be friends. She has now chosen a public career and one that brings both accolades and public scrutiny. There will be more of this sort of thing to deal with as time goes by... both good and bad. Divorce is hell..." [ONTD via All Headline News]
• Hulk Hogan's accusing estranged wife Linda of spending her $40k a month alimony on drugs. Stay classy you guys. [TMZ]
• Michael Strahan and Nicole (ex wife of Eddie) Murphy: Engaged. [People]
• Chim chim-in-ey, chim chim-in-ey, chim chim cher-ee! Dick Van Dyke is writing a memoir. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Blind item! "Which male music diva kicked a billionaire out of his house - just because he put his dirty feet on a pristine white couch?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Even the people that were shovelling bodies into gas chambers would say 'we're just obeying orders'... you've got to accept responsibility for what you're doing. If your actions as an individual are directly having a negative effect on someone else's life then you can't say 'I'm just doing my job.'" — Pete Doherty on the paparazzi (yes, he's comparing them to Nazi concentration camp guards.) [Mirror]
• "There is a period once you finish a guy — a character — when you're looking to go back to yourself and sometimes it can manifest itself in illness. After I made The Libertine, I was in bed for two weeks. When you're working, you don't get sick, then suddenly it hits you like a two-by-four." — Johnny Depp. [MSNBC via Contact Music]
• "After I was cast and I realized my body would be exposed all the time, I went out and bought some shorts - I owned none - to help me get used to it. You stop thinking, Do I look weird at this angle? I've learned to feel comfortable wearing very little. It's liberating! …I love being barefoot. I'm not going to lie - I love my high heels, too, so I'm completely bipolar in that regard." — Anna Paquin, on exposing herself in True Blood. [Gatecrasher via Self Magazine]
• "When I read the script, I said to myself, ‘OK, well, you're turning 50 this year and you're really heading into the eye of the storm with this one. Then I was working too hard to really think about what was happening. [My birthday] kind of came and went and it wasn't a big deal. Honestly, it was a huge relief when it was over because you realize nothing changes." — Michelle Pfeiffer, on playing a french prostitute in Cheri. [WWD]
• "I had booby stickers on. If I'd been actually topless, I would have sued someone… I know who, and I never did anything about it. It's her karma to deal with, not mine." — Megan Fox, on leaked nude pix. [NY Daily News]

1. Models Aren't Bitchy To Each Other

This is probably the number one misconception about the industry. No working model would darkly threaten a newbie backstage at a fashion show with breaking "a Jimmy Choo," and nobody would fat-shame a model who couldn't fit into a dress. (A model not fitting into a dress minutes before a show wouldn't actually happen, since every runway look is fitted first to a "looks" model and then to the actual girl who'll wear it prior to the show, but even assuming someone went to their fitting and then gained an inch and a half overnight, even then, the other girls wouldn't act like she'd become invisible.) Every single one of us has in the past been found too fat in the eyes of certain clients, and every single one of us will be found physically lacking in the future, too, for as long as we stay in this industry — and what that shared reality actually builds is empathy, not derision. Once last season a designer I was working for said, aghast, "What are you, like a size two?" And as soon as the designer had left, the other girls doing their fittings both shot me looks of exasperation, resignation, and common frustration. That is what it's like, CW. Models are some of the most collegial coworkers I've ever been privileged to know.

2. Mischa Barton's Underpants

Are clearly black with leopard spots, and not a thong. In this job, those comfortable in a nude g-string need only apply. Anything more is unprofessional, for the simple reason that it might show through, or affect the lines of, the garment. Also: Where the hell is this grand backstage area, with its curtains that one can swish through so dramatically, and so privately? I want to work there, because the reality of an open warren of makeup tables and clothing racks prowled by backstage photographers who live for the model-in-a-state-of-undress shot is so comparatively unglamorous.

3. A Model Gets On Zac Posen's Runway And Freezes

We already know what Zac does when a model goes off-script in a show. (He handles perceived insubordination about as well as David O Russell.)

4. Mischa Barton Is Already Wearing Makeup On Her Way To The Fashion Show

Sure, it's television, she has to wear something on her face — going without any makeup at all would be a tad too much verisimilitude for the CW network's soapy, softly-lit tastes. But why not give her a natural looking base and some mascara? Nobody goes to a show wearing her own makeup, let alone smoky black InDaClub eyeliner and shadow out to her temples, because it's just going to get taken off. And with a burning, stinging, rough-as-hell M.A.C. wipe to boot. (I once had a makeup artist tell me he wouldn't wipe his floor with a M.A.C. wipe, even as he held a box of them out to me.) Models wear inches of makeup when we work — and fashion week mandates constant shoveling on and scraping off — so we all like to let our skin be as untouched as possible when we have the option. Plus, she's wearing nailpolish. Unless it's from another show that you have just come from — and from what I gather of the "plot" here, Barton's character is some hot-shot model on her comeback, rushing to the show straight from JFK — that's a no-no. Your hair, skin and nails belong to the client for the duration of the job, and all had better show up clean and product-free.

One Thing It Gets Right:

A model with a penchant for uppers: how I wish that didn't sound familiar. Unfortunately, an Adderall and an apple a day make you feel like you can take on the world. And as long as some designers will balk at dressing "a size two," there'll be demand for that particular feeling of unhungry energy.

The Beautiful Life: This Fall On The CW [YouTube]