Jezebel: the american titocracy

Pretty People Get Paid More. But Is It Because They're So Smart?

Moe — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 13:30:14 EST

You know how pretty people always seem to get ahead for no other reason than the fact that they are pretty? New research shows that pretty people — judged for their symmetry and such — regularly outearn uglies. Well, as Charlie Wilson used to say, "You can teach 'em to type, but you can't teach 'em to grow tits," right? But there's more to it than that, says the Economist in a story that claims that there are all sorts of new scary studies proving that beauty and intelligence go together. See, historically, smart men used to breed with pretty women, and beauty has always been unfairly rewarded, so pretty people just make shitloads more money because as the story points out, life ain't fair and "there is a feedback loop between biology and the social environment that gives to those who have, and takes from those who have not." But here's the interesting part! Some countries are different from others. The "beauty premium" commanded by the pretty wage earners in the U.K. is a mere 1%. (Can we thank Posh & Becks for this?) In China, it is highest, at 10%. (Can we thank "socialism with Chinese characteristics" for this?)

Fascinatingly, in the U.S., where historically we've equated beauty with mental retardation, the "beauty premium" is less for women than it is for men.

So how do uglies fight back? (The uglies get a worse discount in most countries than the pretties ever get a premium, which sucks.) But they thought of that! In China, researchers discussed the effects of the skillful application of makeup and the like. They found it was generally impossible to recoup your investment in makeup and whatever else on salary alone.

He estimates that the beauty premium generated by such primping is worth only 15% of the money expended. Of course, beauty pays off in spheres of life other than the workplace. But that, best beloved, would be the subject of a rather different article.

Or, like, a book!

Beauty And Success: To Those That Have, Shall Be Given [Economist]

The 'Other' Miss South Carolina Story, Or, Being Smart Will Get You Nowhere In This Life Exhibit LMVXI

Moe — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 09:30:01 EDT

You know how Miss America bills itself as a "scholarship program", which is why no one watches it and it has had to change locations and television networks approximately 37 times in the past three years? Well no one encapsulates this sad dilemma with more talent and poise than Miss South Carolina! Unlike certain other females with that particular bullet point on their resumes, this one is not blonde/braindead. She got into Wharton! And I hate the concept of business school more than, like, anything, but even I would be the first to say "being a viral marketing sensation on Youtube" is not going to get you a past the first round of interviews. Anyway, Miss South Carolina was supposed to get $20,000 for her studies from the Miss America organization, which will buy you about a week at Wharton but whatevs it's the thought that counts, but Miss America has no money and never coughed it up.

Anyway, we found it sad — if not surprising — that focusing on talent and service and "scholarship" just won't cut it in an "Age of Love" society, so we actually found a Jezebel correspondent to tune into the pageant on Friday while we were drinking, just to show our support for this dying breed of classy gals who manage to combine beauty AND really nebulous "talents." Her dispatches:

OMG they just had a "costume" competition, and there was:

1. A stalk of corn

2. A grizzly bear

3. Seven million pretty offensive interpretations of slutty native Americans

and so so much more.

Twenty minutes later..

swear to God that competitions include:

1. Fastest diaper changing.

2. Taking your makeup off.

3. Taking a tequila shot.

Sweet jesus.

At which point we thought, Miss America has never been so awesome! And then we realized everyone was drunk and it was Mrs. America that was airing and Miss South Carolina should probably just get married because that's what sells pharmaceutical advertising these days.

Winners Cite Broken Promises In Pageants [NY Times]

Dear Pretty Girls Who Are Also Smart: Some Tips For Avoiding Our Antipathy

Moe — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:30:00 EDT

Life is easier when you're a pretty girl. Not something we needed to travel to South Carolina to figure out, right? Even among the NPR-listening Blue State set, good looks make for bigger book advances, especially (double shocker) when it comes to females. So is this the cause of any concern to Katherine Taylor, wealthy, gorgeous, blonde young author of the recently published work of memoirbatory chick lit Rules For Saying Goodbye? Nah, she tells the book blog Galleycat. (Boldface ours, duh.)

Whatever you have to do to get your book in the cultural conversation is all fair," Taylor continues. "Because the bottom line is, you've put so much of yourself and so many years of your life into what you're doing. The greatest tragedy would be if nobody noticed."

Um, well, we actually think a greater tragedy would be if nobody noticed that you said that, Kath, because the thing is, all pretty girls need to know that there is actually one thing in life that is actually harder, we've found, for them to achieve.

It is: Not turning into an insufferable narcissist. Or at least creating the verisimilitude that you aren't an insufferable narcissist. (Like that word? We're probably using it incorrectly, but we're trying to appeal to you because we realize you are so smart.) It's tough when you're as beautiful and willowy as you are a genius writer, but one tip might be to maybe write about something other than yourself.

Further Ruminations On "Hot Young Chick Author" Syndrome [GalleyCat]

Miss Teen South Carolina To 'Facebook' Frenemies: Victory Is Myn!

Moe — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 12:15:00 EDT

Geopolitics whiz Miss Teen South Carolina has a message for all her jealous Facebook friends and frenemies, one of whom just won the "Most Valuable Tipster" designation here at Jezebel. "I like the attention," she writes on her 'Wall'. Why? Because it provides her with a platform from which to voice her opinions on a variety of worthy causes, namely, how anyone who feels her stupidity was an embarrassment to our country just shouldn't be allowed to procreate.

All these girls are grown girls, but they sure dont act like it. They are all imature and need to grow up. I hope yall aren't planning on starting a family, because your kids would grow up in a mean world.

Spoken like the leader of the next Khmer Rouge! After the jump, Lauren Caitlin Upton's impassioned defense of her answer to what admittedly, was "not the easiest question", followed by her "Wall of Meanness," a collection of her most hateful emails (and her withering responses), which will stand forever as a testament to her triumph in the face of hate and the time-tested ability, in the face of national disgust, of an overabundance of cleavage and self-esteem to prevail.

ok to all the jealous girls out here

this is for you

i am not stupid

that question that i got at miss teen usa was not the easiest question and with ten million people watching me LIVE, i was nervous

yeah like you wouldn't be

so to you girls out there.

get a life and stop being so mean

i did not even have time to think about it

i am smart, not a dumb blonde like you think

kthanks

Okay, just briefly to refresh. Here, in text form, the captivating display of eloquence that won Miss Upton an appearance on the Today Show and her very own online geography quiz:

I personally believe the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa or should help the Iraq and Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us.

With every silver lining, of course, lurk dark clouds of internet hatred. Mercifully, a positive attitude can prevail, as she displays in her "Favorite Quotes" section:

Wall of Meanness Sarah Womack Today at 7:59am Report Message
Are you the dumb bitch that humiliated America? Do us all a favor and write an eloquent apology to the nation and then quit the whole stupid blond beauty queen thing and start studying harder.

This one if from a really mean girl who thinks i humilated America. Well guess what hon, you just humilated yourself. I am putting this up on my blog where two thousdand people can see it everyday and think about how mean you were to me. If you mess with me, you get what you deserve. =)

Another really mean girl
this one is my favorite.

in like, South Africa...
Between You and Natali Wind
Natali Wind
9:09pm August 25th
Report Message
You're a stupid whore.

ok wow
so this loser just messaged me out of the blue
can we all say jealousy
this was really mean but guess what
i dosen't hurt me
it only hurts yourself
what goes around comes around
this one is also going on my blog where thousands of people look everyday
kthanks
=0

this really isn't funny. the question wasen't to identify the US. obviously i could do that. what is with yu girls these days. why do yall feel like you have to be mean to other people to make yourself feel better.your not hurting anyone but yourself. i dont care about your little messages. they dont hurt me. so leave me alone and live your own life. stop trying to change myn.

SO this guy also randomly messaged me. and yet again i did asolutely nothing to him.

Matt Slade
10:53pm August 28th
Report Message
You are so stupid...How the hell did you get 4th...must be because you are blonde twit and thats what Donald like...fuck!!!

ok so you saw two min. of my national tv meltdown. you have never talked to me, seen me in person, or even met me, so how can you say i am stupid. can you honestly say you have never made a mistake in your life. serisously. and my hair color has nothing to do with it. dont judge me when you dont even know me. and stupid. i am anything but. i have a 4.0 grade average and a full academic schlorship to ASU. yeah, im real stupid. get a life. your not hurting me, only yourself

The screen shots:

Breasts: The Gifts That Keep On Giving!

Moe — Thu, 24 May 2007 14:51:49 EDT

You know how in really awful wars, doctors treat the least serious injuries first? So at the end of the day they have the highest number of healthy troops on the battlefield? Well, the website MyFreeImplants — which purports to be a "matchmaking" service between women who want boob jobs and breast-friendly benefactors — is sort of like that, only with regards to the urgent, global epidemic of poor self-esteem among women:

And remember... the best part is seeing the newly transformed ladies after the surgery when they return to the website to post pictures of the results. You can take pride in knowing that you helped her improve her self esteem and self image!

Because, like, why give to, like, battered women's shelters or Oprah's school or whatever when you make a real, palpable difference in the happiness and self-actualization of so many women just by wiring them a couple grand for some silicone and see the results in a matter of weeks? (Like, both of them! Without a bra!) It's like sponsoring a child in Africa for a month! An Interesting Way To Finance Your Breast Implants [Plastic Surgery 101]