• As predicted, Beyoncé will have a fragrance by springtime. For the rights to her name, Sasha Fierce is set to earn up to $20 million over the next three years. [WWD]

• Marc Jacobs didn't invite Madonna or Lady Gaga to his runway show — they asked to come, and he acquiesced. Would have been pretty awkward to turn your campaign model (Madonna) and after-party performer (Gaga) down. [WWD]
• In addition to doing a line that will sell exclusively on eBay, Narciso Rodriguez — who lost his financial backing last year — is doing more dresses that will retail at less than $1,000, rather than $1,800 and up, his typical price point. [WSJ]
• Carolina Herrera did a "Got Milk?" ad with her daughter. [JustJared]
• There is no better demonstration of the phenomenon of a collection becoming overexposed and untrendy before it even hits the stores than Pink and Shakira both attending the Video Music Awards in the same Balmain leather-and-chains minidress. It wasn't the label's flacks' fault, however: while Shakira borrowed the dress, Pink ordered it herself online. [WWD]
• Bee Schaffer took the place of her mother, Anna Wintour, at the Thakoon show on Monday afternoon. Is she as set on a career in the theater as she seems? It's hard to read about a thing like that without hearing Wintour's voice in The September Issue: "We'll see about that!" [NYObs]
• Freida Pinto popped up at fashion week to go to a party at the Harry Winston store. [WWD]
• "I am calm! I am a calm person!" is clearly not the kind of thing one should to have to shout, but if Russell Simmons couldn't get a seat at Charlotte Ronson, that definitely explains why I, a ticket-holder, couldn't even get into the show. [Radar]
• Rachel Zoe's QVC collection sold out within minutes. But fear not, for she of the sharp clavicle will be back on the idiot box on October 10. [People]
• Likewise, if you weren't refreshing your browser to buy Anna Sui for Target Sunday when the collection went live, you may now be out of luck. [Crain's]
• Ramona Singer, professional Housewife, is launching a jewelry line with the Home Shopping Network. [People]
• Urban Outfitters' president and founder Dick Hayne sold $50 million worth of his company shares. [TS]
• A Chinese company that embroidered the text, "In the name of God, the compassionate, the merciful" on jeans has seen its wares seized in Iran. The importers were arrested. [Guardian]
• The U.N. has recognized Indonesian batik fabric as an element of the world's cultural heritage, and added it to its Intangible Cultural Heritage list. [NYTimes]

What becomes clear in the film is just how far Wintour's influence ranges within the domain of fashion. In addition to interceding with designers in order to appease retailers concerned with their collections' saleability, Wintour acts as a kind of kingmaker in other ways that far exceed the presumed ambit of her magazine. Thakoon, a young designer, was a runner-up in the Council of Fashion Designers of America/Vogue Fashion Fund Award, and in this clip, he's getting part of his prize: the chance to design a line of three white shirts for the Gap.

But it isn't the Gap creative director who's okaying Thakoon's designs. It's Anna Wintour. When, later in the movie, a journalist for the National Post asks him how it was to get that call from the Gap, Thakoon corrects her: He didn't get any call from the Gap. He got a call from Anna Wintour at Vogue. When the Spanish fast-fashion retailer Mango approaches Wintour about hiring a New York designer as a consultant, Wintour also pushes Thakoon. "Thakoon?" says a clearly jealous Oscar de la Renta, who notes that the Mango position pays extremely well. Wintour replies, "Thakoon."

André Leon Talley, is a man who must live by his own "aesthetics of style." In this scene, he's decked out in designer goods, emerging from his chauffeured car holding a Louis Vuitton racket case, a small Louis Vuitton trunk, wearing Damon Dash trousers, and a vintage 1960s Piaget diamond-encrusted tennis watch. A Louis Vuitton towel is draped over his Ralph Lauren polo shirt. "Miss Wintour inaugurated me into health," he explains, "She saved my life. I guess." Then he plays what could almost be mistaken for tennis.

But the woman who steals this quiet, ploddingly paced movie is stylist Grace Coddington. Although it's a little hard to pick a winner among the Wintour and Coddington duo — in truth neither has the kind of aesthetic sense that commands much awe, as any Vogue reader has seen from Coddington's borderline cheesy styling and conceptualization (especially in her frequent "fairytale" shoots), and from Wintour's predilection for running stonkingly unimaginative spreads with models jumping in head-to-toe runway looks in front of gray backdrops. But Coddington doesn't have to be remade as, as one source calls her in a nice bit of hyperbole, "the greatest living stylist" in order for the movie to work.

To be Wintour's foil, she just has to be her reflective, sensitive, eyes-open self. Standing there on the steps of Versailles, with the wind in her hair and her boss far away, Coddington is likable and one feels that she has earned the viewer's respect.

Earlier: The September Issue: A Portrait Of The Quaint Old Consumer Economy

• In a stunning revelation that will surprise no-one, Karl Lagerfeld's ex-assistant says the Kaiser is "an unbelievable narcissist." Who "needs an eternity to get ready in the morning." [Blackbook]

• Hilary Swank on the tough reality of Cannes: "I'm starving and the music's so loud I can't hear a thing." [WWD]
• In a plan expected to be announced today at City Hall, New York city boutiques will throw a party to kick off the next fashion week, on September 10. Anna Wintour and Mayor Michael Bloomberg are behind the idea; stores will stay open till midnight running promotions and designers will be in attendance. Fashion Week is traditionally an industry event focused on buyers and editors. Maybe this could be a good way to capitalize on an opportunity to target the actual public, and retail? [Cityroom]
• Ending a long search, Halston has chosen London designer Marios Schwab as its new creative director. The label had been rudderless since the departure of Marco Zanini in early 2008. [WWD]
• Some contend that Michelle Obama's purported magical effect on clothing sales is a media construct. J. Crew's CEO, for example, believes that while the First Lady has given the company vast free publicity by favoring its cardigans, she has not necessarily driven sales. This is a view backed up by JP Morgan's research report on the company. Several J. Crew items the first lady has worn are even on clearance. (Of course, it's entirely possible that many of the younger, less-established designers Michelle Obama has favored would have a different experience to report. Jason Wu and Thakoon have to be feeling her patronage in their sales.) [The Big Money]
• That doesn't stop the fashion world from going giddy over Mrs. Obama. [WWD]
• French Vogue editor Carine Roitfeld: "Fashion is not about clothes, it is about a look." [Guardian]
• Anna Wintour's 60 Minutes segment was watched by 10.2 million on television, and drew an unknown number of online viewers. [Folio]
• Tim Gunn just got a new apartment — "Most of the apartment is aubergine. It's like living in a bruise." In between repainting, he's traveling to promote the new season of Project Runway, and pick designers for the next. He also recommends you read Adam's Navel by Michael Sims. [Blogging Project Runway]
• Carolina Herrera, who is often glimpsed in a crisp, white shirt, gets hers at the Gap. Sort of — designer friend Patrick Robinson sends her them by the dozen, and she gets them monogramamed. But if you, mere pleb lacking designer friends, want to buy them off the rack, they cost $44. [Style.com]
• Manhattan might be getting a Nordstrom Rack. [WWD]
• Angelina Jolie's stylist seems surprisingly grounded, for a woman whose most recent splurge was an $1,100 Gucci dress. (Which she is thinking of returning, since she saw a similar style at H&M.) [LA Times]
• The New York Times' Cintra Wilson cast her critical-shopping eye on Derek Lam. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with Mr. Lam's desire to create ruling-class finery; it's lovely, top-shelf stuff, and he should make no bones about the fact that his creations are not warm, fun, affordable or sensuous," writes Wilson. "They are formal, uptight gift wraps — silk boxes in which women may demurely present themselves, with politesse, deference and flawless snobbery, to a world of rich and powerful men." [NY Times]
• First-quarter earnings for Philips-Van Heusen, parent company of Calvin Klein and Van Heusen, among other brands, sank by 47% on last year's numbers. Sales declined by almost 11% during the period. [Crain's]
• Key words for this Marks & Spencer commercial, starring Twiggy: "value" nostalgia recession "quality" penny pennies prices trust penny. [Guardian]
• Current Marks & Spencer print model Marie Helvin is 56, and and pretty fantastic. "Please shoot me if I'm doing this in my 80s," she tells the Times of London. "Anyway, one day I won't be able to...I've had an amazing life, done lots of fantastic things. I never wanted children, so that's not an issue." She's also open about having had an abortion. [Times of London]

• Victoria Beckham reportedly owns 100 Birkins, with a $2 million value. Although Posh's penchant for the carryalls isn't in question, we do nonetheless note this story has two pictures of her holding Kellys. [Daily Mail]

• Right after settling the lawsuit brought against it by Woody Allen to the tune of a cool $5 mil, American Apparel released its quarterly results. And they were less than glowing. In the period ended March 31, the fashion giant lost $9 million, as operating costs rose 21%, to $69.3 million, and sales grew only 2.4%, to $114.3 million. Company stock fell by 20% during yesterday's trading. Because of the classification of its revolving credit facility as a long-term obligation, American Apparel may also be obligated to restate its previous financial statements. It has already reduced its full-year sales forecast by $25-$50 million. [Reuters]
• Michelle Obama cut the ribbon on the renovated American Wing of the Metropolitan Museum of Art wearing a purple Isaac Mizrahi sheath. Oscar de la Renta was heard to sob quietly into his pocket square. [WWD]
• Then, she went to the American Ballet Theatre's spring gala at the Metropolitan Opera House, where she wore an Azzedine Alaïa dress and a Thakoon jacket. Earlier, at the museum, she said: "The arts are not just a nice thing to have or to do if there is free time or if one can afford it. Rather, paintings and poetry, music and fashion, design and dialogue, they all define who we are as a people and provide an account of our history for the next generation." [AP]
• Anna Wintour's office chairs, glimpsed briefly in the 60 Minutes segment that aired Sunday, have been ID'd: they are classics of Art Deco design, and cost $250 apiece. [UnBeige]
• Brüno has a Twitter account, and you can expect Tweets in the character's voice until the movie hits theaters on July 10 (it is, naturally, a marketing effort). For now, enjoy witticisms such as: "Am I ze most gifted Austrian ever? Let's just say zat at 14 ich could play Rock Me Amadeus on ze flute. Falco didn't write it til he vas 29." And: "Ze vorld ist zo screwed up - vhy do zey give out Nobel Prizes for physics, medicine und svimming, but not for fashion?" [Brüno's Twitter]
• Isabel and Ruben Toledo, fashion designer and fashion illustrator, respectively, were honored with the André Leon Talley Lifetime Achievement Award at the Savannah College of Art and Design's annual fashion show. Talley told the crowd, "The Toledos represent a quarter century of love and brand building. They're like two oaks, branches intertwined forever." [Reuters]
• In other awards-show effusions, Betsey Johnson compared New York Fashion Week head Fern Mallis to David Bowie and Mick Jagger as she presented her with Parsons' AAS Icon Award. When students in the Associates in Applied Science fashion marketing program got a little rowdy, Johnson quieted them with four words: "I'm looking to hire." [WWD]
• For a taste of how the Valentino half lives, imagine this: fireplaces ablaze out of season, air conditioners running, and uniformed manservants depositing cool glasses of water onto linen napkins. Also: secret buttons inside the bookshelves. [Guardian]
• Marc Ecko has announced he'll be doing co-branded collections with DC Comics, incorporating the characters of Batman and the Rogues Gallery. Perhaps the superheroes can save his troubled business? [WWD]
• Burberry, in the year ended March 31, lost $9 million. Its core earnings fell 13%, but annual sales rose 21%. The main reason for the loss was a company write-down that cost £116 million. The brand, which has already laid off 800 workers, still expects to open 10-15 stores this year. [WSJ]
• Yesterday, we included a Rag Trade item, sourced to WWD, about designer Erin Fetherston. Fetherston was reported to be making a short film about her fall collection in New York's West Village, starring Juliette Lewis with music by Damon Dash, and her husband, the artist Hedi Firjani, told WWD that Fetherston was looking to launch a line with QVC, probably timed to coincide with New York Fashion Week this September. Both are untrue, according to Fetherston's PR rep, who contacted us shortly after we published. Fetherston is making a film, with director Marisa Crawford, but Juliette Lewis isn't the star. And the deal with QVC is not confirmed.

• Michelle Obama wore tidy Thakoon in D.C., and vivid yellow Jason Wu in London. New York Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn wonders what it all means. [On The Runway]

• I love it when the Brits write authoritative, informative articles that get — how would they say it? — pipped at the fact-checking post. The New York Topshop store's opening party may take place tomorrow at 11 a.m., Kate Moss may be there live in person, there may be scones and jam and DJs, and there may be capsule collections from Preen, Richard Nicoll, Jonathan Saunders, and the latest Kate Moss line, but whatever you do, do not turn up for the party in "midtown Manhattan, one of the big apple's busiest, buzziest retail districts." The store's on Broadway near Broome St. That's in a part of town we like to call "SoHo." Yes, we know London has one as well, albeit spelled differently, but trust us, that's where the store is. [Telegraph]
• Those French sure know from populist outrage. François-Henri Pinault, the head of luxury goods multinational PPR (and Salma Hayek's hubby) was surrounded in his car by a crowd of angry workers for the better part of an hour. Pinault was trying to leave a meeting with the European workers' council. PPR, which owns brands including Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent, and Bottega Veneta, announced plans to cut 1200 jobs recently. And, in a scene right out of Tout Va Bien, three Sony executives were held hostage by laid off workers at a factory the company closed in the south of France a few weeks back. [WWD]
• "Nicole is designing everything herself," says Nicole Richie's business partner, who is apparently unaware of Richie's well-publicized deal with jewelry designer Pascal Mouawad, who does the actual work on her House of Harlow 1960 line. Planning world domination of the accessories trade, Richie announced her intention to "design" bags, belts, and shoes for spring 2010. [People]
• Is Richard Chai going to be the new creative director of the revived Bill Blass? New owners Peacock Holdings are adamant Bill Blass will be on the New York runways come September, but they are staying tight-lipped about their choice of designer, despite the rumors that Chai is heavily favored. The reason for the odd delay in Peacock's next move, despite its stated intention of reviving the bankrupt line following its acquisition of the label from previous owners NexCen, is a six-month embargo period that was a term of purchase. [FWD]
• Resort shows are bearing the recession's bite: Gucci, which showed its cruise collection on the runway in both New York and Rome last year, is doing a mere presentation. Dior, which had a mega-show in New York last time around, isn't going to show at all. That's right. Christian Dior canceled its resort show. Chanel will have nothing of this; Karl Lagerfeld is going ahead with a lavish resort show at Venice's Lido Beach. WWD doesn't give any details about Céline's plans — Resort 09 is supposed to be Phoebe Philo's hotly anticipated industry re-entry after her years spent raising her family far from the madding crowd. If Celine scales back its resort show, then Philo's return won't look half as big a deal as it really is. [WWD]
• The latest images from Britney Spears' Candie's campaign are in, and, folks, it's a Photoshop of Horrors. [Daily Mail]
• Hayden Christensen is in an ad for a Lacoste men's perfume. He's shown reaching up for the bottle, a searching look in his eyes. [JustJared]
• Martha Stewart's shareholders might regard with interest the fact that, while Martha Stewart Omnimedia's stock price, at $2.50, has declined 67% on one year ago, Stewart's personal compensation more than doubled between 2007 and 2008, from $2.06 million to $5.4 million. (Other executives at the company's salaries declined.) Martha's daughter, Alexis Stewart, earned $209,000 for her work on the show "Whatever, Martha!" while her co-host, Jennifer Koppelman Hutt, got $130,000. Nepotism truly is priceless in this town. [WWD]
• Fashionista road-tested three sulfate-free shampoos — they're better for the environment, and your hair — and unfortunately fell for the expensive French one. I know that pain. Once I scored a gigantic bottle of Frédéric Fekkai conditioner after doing an unusually brutal hair job, and I trudged around the world with it for almost a year. Then I ripped off the label, so I could find the product again, and carried that around for months. When I finally found it, it cost $60 or something. I didn't buy it and my hair has never been as shiny and tangle-free since. [Fashionista]
• Speaking of Fashionista, a little bird tells me that editor Natalie Hormilla is leaving the site to pursue unknown other projects. We certainly wish her well.

• Olivier Theyskens is holding true to the fundamentals. “When the economy changes, it’s not like you want to start eating bad-tasting chocolate,” he said, after showing his pre-fall collection for Nina Ricci. [WWD]

• Serial rapist Anand Jon, the former celebrity designer, is scheduled to be sentenced today. The penalty for his 16 counts of sexual abuse against models, including 7 counts of forcible rape of women aged 14-21 is a mandatory life sentence, with earliest parole eligibility in 2075. Regardless, his mother was apparently overheard approaching wealthy guests at a hotel in Chennai, India, asking for money for an appeal. Jon's website greeting page opens with a quote from Gandhi: "Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth." [NY Post]
• Nixonite dirty trickster Roger Stone — subject of an excellent Jeffrey Toobin profile last year — apparently thinks himself a fashion maven. Taking up the mantle of the deceased Mr. Blackwell, Stone inaugurated a new annual feature on his website, a worst- and best-dressed list. Though occasionally wacky ("Lobbyists are the only elegant men left in America"), his advice isn't all off the mark: Obama and Carla Bruni tops the men's and women's lists, respectively, and he says Tom Wolfe "looks like he's a cross-dressing character in a lesser Dickens novel." [The Stone Zone]
• Designer Vivienne Tam held a fashion show in Beijing to raise money to save the panda habitat destroyed in last year's Sichuan earthquake. The five one-off outfits she auctioned featured panda motifs. Adorable. [Reuters]
• As part of his prize for winning the 2008 CDFA/Vogue Fashion Fund award, Alexander Wang gets one year of professional mentoring from none other than Diane von Furstenberg. Runners-up Vena Cava and Albertus Swanepoel are to be mentored by Patrick Robinson and Andrew Rosen, and Andy and Kate Spade, respectively. [WWD]
• Ellen Tracy has inked a licensing deal for intimate apparel. Expect to see "sleepwear, at-homewear, robes, foundations, shapewear and lingerie" everywhere Ellen Tracy is sold as soon as this fall. [WWD]
• WWD has a good round-up of the status of designers' venue preparations for New York Fashion Week, just one month away. IMG is not introducing a fourth, off-site presentation venue this season, as had been floated, meaning rental at the Bryant Park Tents proper will cost $28,000-$48,000. Many designers are opting for cheaper locales. Calvin Klein is moving its show to the ground floor of the company headquarters, Vera Wang is holding hers in her new SoHo store, smaller labels are banding together for shared shows, and others, like Thakoon and Philosophy di Alberta Ferretti, are showing in Chelsea gallery spaces. Meanwhile, Tommy Hilfiger is back to the tents after a multi-season absence. Marc Jacobs, as usual, intends to use the Lexington Avenue Armory. [WWD]
• Sass & Bide are down for the count entirely. Although they intended to return to fashion week this season, co-founder Sarah Jane Clark's third pregnancy means the Australian duo will stay home. What a happy event to spur such a sad occurrence. [Fashionista]
• High dudgeon at a retail bigwig confab: J. Crew's chief executive Mickey Drexler reportedly took Neiman Marcus' chief executive Burt Tansky to task over luxury markups. Drexler told Tansky the days of the $800 high heel are over. “Wall Street is over,” he continued, and “more wealth has been created on non-productive [financial] transactions” than ever before. When the market comes back, Drexler said, consumers will not be tricked into paying department store margins again. “There’s a whole reset button that has been pushed," he said. Tansky responded by saying “It’s premature to start denigrating what the affluent customer will want.” This fight sounds like it was awesome and very, very awkward. [WSJ]
• The man behind the "Save Anna" t-shirt has a new thing for you to wear: A Rachel Zoe "bananas" shirt with a Warhol-esque screenprint of the stylist-approved fruit and the phrase "I die. Bananas." underneath. Eating disorder, tanning club card, and giant hippie dress optional. [The Cut]
• NY Mag has a sweet video of Marc Jacobs in bed talking about the Stephen Sprouse graffiti collection, which was recently relaunched. "I have a lot of Stephen's clothes and the thing is every time I look at them, they never feel old-fashioned to me, they never look out-of-date. I don't originate or create anything, I'm just here putting things together or re-putting things together, and I like it that way," says Jacobs. [The Cut]
• Wait, what? Stephen Alan for Uniqlo? Please let this not be like that time Amy Winehouse said she was doing a clothing line. [The Cut]
• Dolce & Gabbana's new campaign, shot by Steven Klein, is being proudly trumpeted as a potential source of controversy. Inspired by the Visconti film The Leopard, about a Sicilian aristocratic family at the time of Italian unification, the ads will feature images of male models praying. "For sure they will say we are offending religion," sighed either Domenico or Stefano, reports Reuters. "Instead it could be read as a return to values. And there is a need for that at this time." Yes. For "values," and, presumably, for valuable clothes. [Reuters]
• Remember how Domenico Vacca and John Varvatos both claimed to have dressed Jeremy Piven for the Golden Globes? Turns out it was a tie. The actor's publicist says he wore a Domenico Vacca jacket and John Varvatos pants. Which might be true, or it might be her trying to stay on both companies' good sides after pledging separately to each to wear its clothes and screwing that up royally. How much you want to bet pissed reps for both labels are poring over photos trying to tell their lapel notches from the competitor's as we speak? [WSJ]
• Nonetheless, expect more of the same as award season wears on through the grim retail market. The thin consumer dollar means designers are even more eager to get their gears on a red carpet. Katie Holmes' Golden Globes stylist even received personal phone calls from several solicitous designers. "That never happened before," said the stylist, "usually I just hear from their publicists." And cows walk upright and eat manburgers in this strange opposite world! [WSJ]

• Nastia Liukin's long-awaited and appropriately bendy BCBG ad is the business! [Popcrunch]

• Now that stars have inaugural balls to shop for, they're "totally over" the frivolity of dressing for awards shows. Celebs "are taking the registry very seriously — no one wants to be the Laura Bush of this inauguration." [MSNBC]
• Justin Timberlake's line, William Rast, is making its Bryant Park debut next month. "And for those who might anticipate a concert, there won’t be one." [WWD]
• Oh no she didn't! Did Michelle Obama insult Vera Wang's taste?! Um, no, she didn't, TMZ. [TMZ]
• Menswear designer Thom Browne, known for "avant-garde antics and perverse, themed spectacles" brings the pain to Europe. [WWD]
• Thakoon's new "Addition" line is good. Really good. [Style.com]
• Badgley Mischka is lowering their prices. We're guessing from "exorbitant" to "extravagant." [WSJ]
• Ferragamo goes green: "The collection, entitled Eco Ferragamo, feature five day bags in the Italian label's signature style - think chic, soft leather in classic shapes. The difference? These bags have undergone a tanning process that uses natural products instead of the the usual, environmental unfriendly metal elements, making the leather biodegradable and water-resistant." Sadly, they're ugly. [ElleUK]
• Big news: Claire McCardell’s mid-century classic, What Shall I Wear, is being reissued! [Fashionista]
• Was Valentino one of Madoff's many victims? [New York]
• Valentino says no! [WWD]
• Uniqlo introduces "interactive reviews." Which is great, if Uniqlo clothes don't make you look like a frumpy teenager. [BlackBook]
• Even though Michelle Obama wore one of her dresses, reporters seem surprised that designer Maria Pinto is, um, still living and working normally. [IHT]
• Not exactly peace in the Middle East, but a start: Following security closures, Benetton reopens its Tehran locations. [WWD]
• Oy. Macy's is closing 10 stores. [WSJ]
• Want to feel inadequate all day long? The new Anna Wintour ringtone dispenses fashion advice! Alternatively, Andre Leon Talley dispenses "career advice." Cause that's not gonna get you mugged on the bus! [New York]
• Would Anna find those sporting "Save Anna" shirts to be, how you say, losers? [Gawker]
• Only the good die young: Husband and wife rad-clothing-line Obedient Sons and Daughters is an economic casualty. [Fashionista]

• Moddle Erin Wasson declares that in '09, "I'm definitely devoting myself to saving and adopting more animals... Yes, I can only imagine how crowded my house will be by 2010!" [Refinery29]

• Abigail Lorick's '09 plans are closer to home: "My New Year's resolution is to get health insurance. And to be more selfless." [Refinery29]
• Daisy Lowe, Gwen-Stefani's sorta-stepdaughter and Mark Ronson's sorta-girlfriend, looks appropriately It-Girly in her new Marc by Marc Jacobs ads. [Sassybella]
• Anthropologie, in a continuing bid to pretend not to be a major conglomerate, launches in-store craft workshops. Says the chief merchandising officer (CMO?), they “aren’t designed to sell anything...We wanted to share something really personal, which is our creative side, on a one-on-one level,” and it's not their fault that they're surrounded by stuff people can buy! [WWD]
• I know everyone's saying "Mimosa" is the new black for '09...but what no one seems to get? People like black because we can actually wear it. [BoingBoing]
• Things have gotten so bad that the Liz Claiborne CEO is flying coach. Not being sarcastic; it's bad enough without knowing what you're missing. [WSJ]
• Thakoon is pleased about Michelle Obama sporting his resortwear: “A print dress? On TV?” Panichgul notes puckishly. “There’s change you can believe in.” [Style.com]
• Amid turmoil, American Apparel names new CFO. Worse still, the Wall Street Journal refers to them as "a teen retailer." [WSJ]
• Slate's "Explainer" tells us what to do if our synthetic clothing melts to our body. Having read it, we'd rather just avoid having it happen. [Slate]
• Clothing manufacturers want stores to absorb the losses caused by slashed holiday prices. This is a no-win, fellas. [Reuters]
• We're all for Phil Collins' daughter starting an accessories line for a good cause, but when we were 19? We did a lot with volunteering. [WWD]
• Dame Edna is digging her gig as a MAC face. Quoth the drag diva: "I'm very lucky, because I do have fantastic skin...I'm sure Liz Hurley is a very nice girl, but it's time for her, Isabella Rossellini and Nicole Kidman to move over. Those girls are all passé now – tragically for them." [Telegraph]
• Bar Rafaeli, moddle and DiCaprio squeeze, draws shoot out, makes photographer miss dinner. [Fox News]

• In a video, skeevy CEO Dov Charney claims that "there's a conspiracy against celebrities in the Hollywood area" and that "the judges are generally patriarchal, they don't want to give celebrities a chance." Down with the patriarchy! [The Street]
• Word is, Katie Holmes shot her Miu Miu campaign yesterday. [Fashionologie]
• More inaugural gown sketches! We're not feeling 'em. [Politico]
• Colombian bulletproof jackets were inspired by our trigger-happy Veep. “This is a new market for us. Dick Cheney has helped raise awareness of accidents." [Think Progress]
• Thakoon, maker of Michelle Obama's "reverse kimono" DNC dress, has discontinued the design. [WSJ]

• Rich kid Peaches Geldof's music and fashion tips! "Most people who know me know I don’t follow fashion. I mean, I just dyed the tips of my hair blue for God’s sake. I hate stars who look totally overstyled, like Victoria Beckham; give me Courtney Love, with her babydoll nighties and ripped fishnet tights, any day. For me, fashion is about pushing boundaries. Vivienne Westwood once told me that people who aren’t creative or have no love for art don’t dress up, I asked her why people should and she replied simply, 'Because it’s fun.' Sage advice." [Nylon]
• DNR, the men's trade fashion mag, has been folded into WWD. [Fashionista]
• Steve & Barry's liquidates. [WWD]
• So does Bill Blass New York. [WWD]
• Cathy Horyn's all about Norma Kamali for Wal-Mart. Maybe we can call it...VallMa? [New York Times]
• Gap surpasses Wall Street's third quarter expectations. [Reuters]
• Liz Claiborne, however, is hit hard. [WWD]
• 80's icon Romeo Gigli is back, baby. "I have never created for 'someone' in particular, always for 'anyone' willing to take a journey of the imagination made up of dissonant harmonies, freedom and sharing." [IHT]
• Hoping to offset shopping malaise, Fifth Avenue outdoes itself with Christmas decorations. [IHT]
• Madonna's astroturf special? It's Vuitton. [New York]
• Mod maven Mary Quant unveils her special-edition stamp. [Sassybella]
• Modestly belly-buttoned moddle Karolina Kurkova has been voted "World's Sexiest Woman" by E. [InventorSpot]
• Beyonce's Japanese ads for “Samantha Thavasa” handbags — with singer Takuya Kimura — are pretty cool. [LifeFiles]

First: There's nothing here by popular American designer Marc Jacobs, because his Spring 2009 collection was just too weird for Ms. Obama.


But what about the always classy Oscar De La Renta?


This pale, lean column would be a breath of fresh air!


What about a bouquet of flowers? Optimistic and gorgeous, especially for March. There's another floral dress de la Renta designed for Spring that could work, as well.


Perhaps some understated glamour? Ms. Obama has fantastic shoulders, and would look regal in this.




Maybe Carolina Herrera would be a better choice:


A beautiful, ruffled gown in Democratic blue! (It also comes in red, which Ms. Obama looks great in.)


Or, imagine Ms. Obama's skin against this sunny, bright yellow.


This straight-and-narrow ivory column is graceful and timeless.




Consider this: Michelle Obama wore a dress by Thakoon at the Democratic convention, and he has a few designs for Spring that might suit her: pink and floral, slouchy, modern metallic or fluttery ruffles.

But perhaps she should try young designer Peter Som:


Even though it's casual, Michelle Obama could rock the hell out of this blue shirtdress.

Ditto this shimmery blue jacket and skirt. Plus, don't you think she'd really, really like this graphic dress? Totally up her alley.




Michelle Obama looks amazing in color. Maybe the editors of Vogue could choose something designed by fashion's comeback kid, Isaac Mizrahi?


This pink frock is feminine and strong at the same time.


Orange would definitely pop on the cover of a magazine. She'd also look great in this incredibly romantic pink gown by Mizrahi.




But, in this writer's opinion, the editors of Vogue should put Michelle Obama in a dress designed by Tracy Reese. As the only black woman to show in the Bryant Park Tent during Fashion Week in New York, Reese is an inspiration, just like Ms. Obama. And Tracy Reese makes exquisite garments:


A dreamy, shoulder-baring dress could be a soft, pretty cover choice.


Something truly unique, like this painted frock, would be interesting.


What about a whisper-soft, romantic gown that would make Michelle look like the Goddess of Spring?


When blue and red states come together, you get a strong, fierce purple. Michelle Obama could make a statement without saying a word!




Memo Pad: Michelle Obama to Vogue? [WWD]
Blake Bags Vogue, Too [Fashionista]

• Designers like Donna Karan, Elie Tahari and Thakoon are fighting to get to Michelle Obama. [WWD]
• Even though her Narciso Rodriguez dress drew mixed reviews. [NY Times]
• According to polls, 65% considered it a "Don't." [USA Today]
• Proenza Schouler’s Jack McCollough on the election. “A shout-out to the gays? I mean, never, ever, ever in an election or an acceptance speech has a President-elect said something like that. To hear that, for me personally, is so fantastic. Barack Obama is exceptional. Exceptional!” [Style.com]
• Exceptional enough to inspire a "Yes. We. Did." thong. [Babble]

• Speaking of Michelle, her favored label Thakoon's about to hit Target! Take a gander. [Nylon]
• Doesn't it seem weird that Ed Westwick should choose K Swiss as his first campaign? Or are we thinking of his character? [E!]
• Ooh, those snarky British writers do not like Peaches! "Fresh from a disastrous foray into column-writing, Peaches Geldof has decided to tuck her be-fringed head back into her shell and stick to what she knows best. Apparently, that is designing clothes. Her capsule collection for cult fashion collective PPQ is due to hit the shelves in Selfridges today." [Guardian]
• Apparently Vogue editor-at-XXL Andre Leon Talley was in the VIP section at Grant Park; rumor has it his mag has his eye on a Michelle cover. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Alexander Wang on the recession: "There’s a certain amount of fantasy to fashion, but you also have to think about the fit, the sell-through, the accessibility. There’s no point in creating clothes so out-there, so special that no one can wear them. I try to stay in touch with the customer. We’ve been lucky—our sales are growing. I think we were also pretty lucky to get out a T-shirt line. It’s nice to have a $65 product. But it’s also nice to have a $1,200 dress, say, for that person at Colette. The key now is that dress has to be worth what it costs." [Style.com]
• Online retailers expect a lot of holiday shopping...maybe because it doesn't feel like real spending? [WSJ]
• The recession takes a heavy toll on India's textile industry. [BW]
• Meanwhile, Britain prepares for a steep rise in clothing prices. [Guardian]
• Good news, at least, for Adidas! [WSJ]
• Lilly Pulitzer never ages...maybe because it's permanently middle-aged? [NY Times]
• Elite moddle management gets some escort service to stop using their name. We're sure Tyra's relieved. [NY Daily News]
• H&M TV? It'd better be an improvement on their soundtrack! [Fabsugar]
• Patagonia's ambitious plan to sell only recycled materials by 2010 proves harder than they anticipated. [Business Week]
• Meanwhile, a Japanese company attempts banana fiber denim. [WWD]<<br /> li>"Syunsoku" sneakers make people faster...or not. Either way, they're big in Japan! [Reuters]
• Speaking of shoes, Zappo's stellar customer service keeps the company healthy. [NY Times]
• "Lagerfeld goes through at least 365 bottles of Shu Uemura’s Pleasure of Japanese Bath oil per year. 'Normally, you’re supposed to put one cup in the bathtub,' he says, sitting in the leafy garden of Galerie Emmanuel Perrotin in Paris. “' put the whole bottle in every morning. It is the most divine product.' His beauty ritual doesn’t stop there: Lagerfeld spritzes a scent on various items of his clothing, not to mention his bedding. 'What I put on my sheets is always different from what I wear on myself. It’s like if I sleep with a person who uses another perfume.'” [W]
• Juicy Couture store opens in Manhattan, which for some reason means "the Harlem Boys' choir, American Ballet Theatre dancers, Juilliard school violinists, and stilt-walkers will entertain the likes of Gina Gershon, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Gretchen Mol, Molly Sims and Sarah Silverman, plus Saturday Night Live stars Seth Myers and Fred (Obama) Armisen." [New York Post]
• This fashion origami kit is totally the kind of thing we'd never actually assemble, but it's very cute. [Fashionista]
• Colin Firth on his director, Tom Ford: "If he turns his hand to this with the brilliance that he's turned his hand to everything else that he's ever done in his life, it'll be a masterpiece." [VogueUK]
• Ooh! Legendary fashion lecturer Rosamond Bernier is selling off some of her vintage couture! Well, it's fun to look. [Sassybella]

• Rumor has it that the mini moguls' "lifestyle differences" are tearing their fashion collabs asunder. “Ashley really wants to be a respected businesswoman and be taken seriously...MK does too, but she hasn’t been willing to give up her lifestyle and act like an adult for their job.” Result? MK is being "distanced" from the business end. [LA Times]
• Gossip Girls Blake Lively, Leighton Meester and Michelle Trachtenberg have all "designed" Stuart Weitzman heels for charity. "Blake's candy-themed kicks (no doubt courting comparisons like "sweet" and "confectious") are going for the highest of the three at $300 - Leighton's in the middle and Michelle's on the right." [Fashionista]
• A petulant Oscar de la Renta is skipping the Metropolitan Opera's opening night for the first time in 20 years. He "was none too happy to learn that Renée Fleming’s onstage frocks for the affair were designed by Karl Lagerfeld, John Galliano and Christian Lacroix." Um, is his ticket going begging? Sounds better than fashion week! [WWD]
• Markets rebound a tad; retailers still panicky. [WWD]

• Uh oh. Amidst the recent financial turmoil, Prada has called off its widely-reported plan to go public this year, "making it the global financial turmoil's most high-profile fashion victim." [WSJ, WWD]
• The "Obama Effect" has done wonders for designer Thakoon, whose rose-colored frock Michelle sported on nom night. "I saw her on TV and I couldn't even look, I was so embarrassed from being excited,'"quoth he. [LA Times]
• Norwegian designer Peter Dundas joins venerable print-meisters Pucci as creative director. [IHT]
• Rumor — no, it really might just be a rumor — has it that Marc Jacobs is opening a store in Manhattan's East Village. Which, even if true, doesn't seem like that big a deal. [Fashionista]
• Thes auction Naomi "Siddhartha" Campbell organized for the White Ribbon Foundation was a big hit. "London’s big spenders outbid each other for looks donated by designers including Alexander McQueen, Zac Posen and Christopher Kane." [WWD]
• "Last year, Giorgio Armani told Time that PETA had persuaded him to drop fur from his designs, but his fall line includes fur coats for babies, floral-printed fur coats, fur-hemmed skirts and fur-trimmed jackets." PETA's pissed. So now they're going to go back to the always-effective plan A: harassing and heckling! [P6]
• Gap is opening in Mexico, stealthily: it'll be opening "stores within stores" in an established department store chain. [WSJ]
• A graphic designer named "Salvor" has teamed up with Rogan to lauch a capsule collection which, one assumes, will have a one-word name. [Fashionista]
• Fans of both clothes and Sonic Youth — read, anyone — must be thrilled about Kim Gordon's new line, Mirror/Dash. Even if, so far, it's just one jacket. [BlackBook]
• The New Yorker's panel talk on "The Future of Fashion": snooze or revelation? [Fashionista]
• "A Japanese designer and furrier, Chie Imai, has called her autumn 2008 collection of fur-trimmed capes and boleros Eco Harmony." The fabric is, indeed, recycled. The fur? The animals in question might take exception to the "harmony." PETA certainly would. [Independent]
• Sears is introducing these 3-D virtual dressing rooms that will allow you to "try" things on from home. If you thought store mirrors were dishonest...! [Reuters]
• Betsey Johnson loves being a grandma, fresh fish. [Fashion Informer]
• Fashion Fringe winner: "Go By A Secret Path, aka designer Eun Jeong Hong, yesterday earned herself a rather nice end of week treat in the shape of £100,000, as well as continuous support from the Fashion Fringe at Covent Garden team to kick start her professional design career." [VogueUK]
• Abercrombie and Fitch pioneers "scent ambience services" in its stores. Why am I having visions of the poppy field in the Wizard of Oz? [Breitbart]
• Wyndam Hotel employees will go green whether they like it or not, sporting "uniforms made with polyester fibers spun from plastic beverage bottles." All we can say is, whoever made that virtuous decision better be wearing Coke couture, too. [BrandWeek]
• A few royals hit Fashion Week, but paps mostly had to settle for Kate Middleton's little sister. [WWD]
• Pamela Anderson escorted by "a man in a white mask" at Vivienne Westwood show. [ElleUK]

• Jessica Simpson's perfume is coming out. It's called "Fancy" and the following description doesn't even need to be parodied. '“Fancy is as alluring, feminine and romantic as Jessica Simpson herself. Her talent, charm and values have made her America’s sweetheart and have shown her to be the kind of person that women of all ages can admire,” Parlux chairman and CEO Neil Katz said in a statement.' Have at it, ladies! [Cosmetics News]
• Thakoon's new line is awesome. Which is good, because here's the part we really care about: they're doing a line for Target! [Glamour]
• Perhaps we underestimate Cavalli's influence? Kate Moss dropped from Grazia's best-dressed list. Maggie Gyllenhaal (yay!) is on it! [NY Mag]
• Wait. Victoria Beckham is showing at Fashion Week after all. "In the spirit of elitist designers like L'Wren Scott and Marchesa, Posh opted to show her frocks during New York Fashion Week to top editors and buyers by appointment only." Is this better or worse than a real show? [FabSugar]

• Proponent of sleaze, vertically-integrated manufacturing Dov Charney has lost his dog. Signs all over LA read: "Her Name is Hedkayce. I have had her for 10 years. She weighs 10lbs and has a scar on the left side of her face. She was left in the front yard of my home at 1809 Apex Ave. (Silverlake [sic] area). Please call at 213-923-7493 (cell) or my assistant Maria at 213-923-0616. ~ Dov Charney" [Racked]
• Fashion industry abandons plan to eliminate size zero models. "It has been shelved over claims of discrimination fears it could prevent models from working in this country, and a lack of support within the industry and from other fashion hotspots such as New York and Milan. " [Telegraph]
• Designer Ella Moss, known for cute, pricey, girly duds, to start making cute, pricey, girly swimwear. [WWD]
• There must be a dearth of real videographers around, otherwise why would model Coco Rocha be filming "behind the scenes" during fashion week for style.com? [Page Six]
• Zara (the #1 store in the world)'s fall and winter collex. [Telegraph]
• Intellectual fashionistas Rodarte up for a big award. [Style.com]
• Ann Taylor, mid-makeover, names new prez. [Wall Street Journal]
• Australian retailers/designers counting on the new Sydney Fashion Festival to get the dollars flowing. [News.com.au]
• Judge throws out L'Oreal's suit against eBay; the cosmetics giant was suing for the auction site's vending of knockoff cosmetics. [Wall Street Journal]
• More on that sleazy male model's kiss and tell: "Don't hit on the model whom the photographer has his eye on. If I couldn't figure out which girl he was going after," Hulse writes, "the likelihood was that he was coming after me." [BlackBook]
• Limited cuts a bunch of Limited Too stores, converts others to lower-end chain. [Wall Street Journal]
• Stephanie Seymour on the term "supermodel": "It's very embarrassing when you meet, like, a Russian prostitute, and she says she's a supermodel. And you're like, 'Hey, me too'," she told the World Entertainment News Network.' We, too, find it embarrassing when this happens.[VogueUK]

• Who knew Roberto Cavalli was such a big Diddy fan? Said the Italian designer at the Sean John show: "The only reason I'm still in New York is for Puffy. He is an artist and always puts on a real show. Maybe someday he will come to my show." [WWD, 7th item]
  
• The British Fashion Council's demand that all models walking London Fashion Week show up with a "certificate of health" may lead to a model boycott because, duh, models do not get paid to be healthy. [Telegraph]
  
• Rachel Zoe threw a total shitfit upon being denied entrance to the fashionably punctual Marc Jacobs show Friday night. There is justice in the world! [NY Mag]

• "I'm tempted, but no one else is drinking. I don't want to be the tacky one." Gretchen Mol on the champagne bottles that greeted front row attendees at the Marc Jacobs show on Friday night. But Gretchen, once you've got a snifter or two on an empty Fashion Week stomach, one is pretty blissfully unaware to whoever is being the "tacky one." [WWD, 1st item]
• "I'm kind of inspired by Ralph [Lauren]," says Sheryl Crow, who has her very own denim line in the works. And we all know "inspired by" means "steal my ideas from." [WWD, 13th item]
• Gucci's new "Gucci [Hearts] NY" campaign? Uh, didn't exactly clear it with the folks who own the trademark on "I [Heart] NY." [UPI]
• Designer Lars Nilsson has left the house of Gianfranco Ferre after only a five month-long tenure. Awkward. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Diane von Furstenberg will be starring in an American Express commercial directed by Capote director Bennett Miller, set to air on Oscar night. Which is mildly ironic since von Furstenberg has canceled her own Oscar party out of respect for the WGA strike. [Fashion Week Daily]
• What Rihanna learned at Fashion Week: "I know that prints are really in and I love how they pair the prints with a bold jacket." [Chic Report]
• Zac Posen's dad is just happy to see his kids playing nicely together: "I'm thrilled that [Zac] brought his sister Alexandra (his creative director) out with him at the end—seeing them both up there together was wonderful." [Chic Report]

• Amy Winehouse is reportedly making donations to a Romanian orphanage as a token of appreciation for donating the hair that makes up absurd/awesome monstrosity on her head. [Sassybella]
  
• Designer Keanan Duffy on his David Bowie-inspired line for Target: "Fashion is always out of fashion; what happens on the street is always stolen by designers who, by their very nature, are out of touch. I actually find unfashionable ideas to be more interesting." Um, yeah, you're not exactly doing a Frank Zappa-inspired collection here, so maybe get off the cocaine horse. [The Fashion Informer]
  
• "I'm supporting other women for what they do and want to do. I'm all about burning your bra." —Actress Jaime Pressly regarding her attendance at Nicky Hilton's fashion show. [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• Catherine Bailey is the next face of lingerie label Agent Provocateur. Moe doesn't know who that is, but the ads can't be as fugly as those Maggie Gyllenhaal ones. [Vogue UK]
  
• Designer Adam Lippes went on Oprah. Now he's having crazy sales. We wonder if he'll be sending her 21 pairs of Louboutins as a thank you? [WWD, sub req'd]

• Totally least surprising news of the day: Designer Thakoon to collaborate with luxury leather goods label Hogan. [Vogue UK]
• In case you were losing sleep worrying about it, LVMH made a really healthy profit last quarter. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Last night in London, artist Martin Creed had a party for an installation piece of his. The Calvin Klein S/S 2008 collection was show as part of it. Naomi Watts hosted. Mary Kate Olsen was guest of honor. This doesn't exactly sound like an art show to us. [Vogue UK]

• OMG! International Herald Tribune fashion critic Suzy Menkes and designer Marc Jacobs have somehow settled their seemingly-insurmountable differences! After their tiff in New York over Marc's really late fashion show, Marc left Menkes a Marc Jacobs T-shirt with a pretty bow on her seat at Louis Vuitton on Sunday. And what was on the T-shirt? A "love letter," says Marc. Coy! [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• But! Newsweek writer Dana Thomas, author of new luxury industry expose Deluxe: How Luxury Lost Its Luster, is now banned from Louis Vuitton after riding them particularly hard in her book about how luxury sucks now that it's all about logo-strewn accessories and crap. Good grief, couldn't LV just laugh all the way to the bank about shit like this? [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Says Chloe Sevigny about being the face of the new Chloe fragrance: "I'm concerned that the customers might be confused, though; I have the umlaut in my name while they have the accent. I'm Chloë, not Chloé." Stop. Even if you're kidding? Stop. [Fashion Week Daily]

• Le sigh! Kirsten Dunst is, like, so over getting harassed at fashion shows for being so irresistibly fabulous. Kiki says that "Fashion shows really aren't my forte anymore" but somehow mustered the courage to go to the Chanel show anyway since, like, she was already in Paris. Her verdict? "Hey, it wasn't so bad. Maybe they had better security than other shows." [Fashion Week Daily]
• If you care about what editors think you'll be wearing this spring now that the Spring/Summer 2008 shows haveended (we know — you're thrilled), you can read here. Or you can, uh, just continue to wear whatever the fuck you want. [Vogue UK]
• Samuel L. Jackson: "I love fashion TV... Those of us who are comfortable in our maleness can appreciate fashion." [Vogue UK]
• Michelle Pfeiffer has never tweezed her eyebrows? My ass. [FabSugar]
• MTV is introducing a new online TV show following the lives of up-and-coming fashion designers. as they prepare for the MAGIC apparel trade show in Las Vegas, which is like the Fashion Week of shit people actually wear, not that that makes it any less ridiculous. Stars include renaissance DJ Steve Aoki. [WWD, 3rd item]
• It finally happened: Fashion blog Coutorture got bought out by Sugar Inc., which we hope means a name change to "TortureSugar." [WWD, 2nd item]
• Sex and the City costume designer (and longtime drag queen employer) Patricia Field swears she wasn't trying to shove Carrie Bradshaw-style down all our throats. "I'm just declaring it so. I know I look like I have a crystal ball or gypsy tea, but I don't." [WWD, 4th item]
• You know what irritates us even more than a brand getting celebrities to design a limited-edition version of a product? When a brand gets celebrities to design a limited-edition version of a product that's not even on sale! The offenders this time? French ballet slipper company Repetto. 30 designers (Chloe Sevigny, Jean Paul Gaultier). 30 pairs of ballerina shoes. On tour for your viewing pleasure. You know, because the Frick is so boring at this point. [WWD, 1st item]
• And on that note! The inhouse DJ of YSL, Balenciaga, Chanel, etc. is also a designer. His name is Michel Gaubert, and he "collaborated" with Longchamp on a collection of bags. [WWD, 4th item]

Instead, Jenny found a handful of South African tourists, confused by all the hullaballoo, a kind merchandising director named Theo who made sure she photographed both him and his window displays from their best sides, and a surly store manager (name withheld to protect the innocent) who placed her on Gap probation.

Having been tossed out on her ass before for her renegade fashion photography tactics (note to the Prada security guard — Jenny hasn't forgiven or forgotten), she revised her scheme, pulled her favorite items, and took to the dressing room to hide and play dress-up.

Jenny's more detailed timeline, after the jump.

8:53 am - All quiet on the western (store) front. Only 7 minutes until the big shebang, and the employees of The Gap on 42nd Street are still furiously assembling their window displays. Perhaps part of the delay comes from the fact that the window-dressing boy would rather pose for pictures for me then finish hanging the display.

8:55 am - "No, no! Photograph the straight one! The straight one!" Theo, this store's merchandising director (and the coordinator of the last minute window hustle), rushes towards me. He wants the world to know his windows are straight. (Insert obligatory joke here). As he is the nicest employee I come in contact with all morning, the least I can do is indulge him.

9:02 am - "So, are you here for Doo.Ri? Rodarte?" I say to the perturbed-looking women hovering outside the store's entrance. They turn to me in shock, looking like I've asked them how often they practice anal sex. I soon learn that they are tourists from South Africa who have already gone through all their clean clothing. They are anxious to buy new clothes so they can start their day. They have no idea what the CFDA is, nor do they care to learn. They are angry because the store should have opened two minutes ago. They do not want to talk to me anymore.

9:05 am - At last! The doors open! The manager tries to make some sort of speech, welcoming us. It's awkward, because at this point it's just me and the South African tourists. I try to muster some enthusiasm from our meager crowd, and encourage an unnecessary mad-cap dash up the stairs to the second floor, women's wear. And there at the top of the stairs, it greets us: Doo.Ri. Thakoon. Rodarte. All here at The Gap.

9:08 am - There is a moment of panic when no more medium-sized Doo.Ri dresses seem to be around. The floor staff informs us that there are plenty more in the back. During the crisis, however, I befriend Suzanne Donaldson, the Photo Director at Glamour magazine. She tells me she had no idea these items even existed until reading the item in the Times this morning and has been sent to purchase on behalf of several of her co-workers. She thinks the Rodarte pieces are best, and says she fears not about keeping her whites whiter and her brights brighter as she's a self-proclaimed "bleachaholic." The sight of this much white is heaven to her. Suzanne, I'm sure your co-workers thank you for doing the dirty work for them.

9:15 am - Though some employees seem somewhat distracted, this is not the case for the store's manager Phillip. Phillip says he understands "how thrilling all these white shirts are," but informs me that taking photos inside The Gap is a big no-go. My choices? Camera away, or leave the store...

9:16 am - ...or just snatch up my favorite items, hide in the dressing room, and snap away! Here's the before shot: Me in one of my favorite Gap pieces from two seasons back, the giant Boyfriend v-neck sweater. See, Gap, I love you — why don't you love me back?

Now the fashion show begins:

Look One: The Rodarte bow top isn't just cropped, it's cruel. It would be too short for even a slutty four-year old. Fashion-Victim Me is tempted, though, to buy it to prove my street cred. Cheap Me refuses to shell out $78 to be in on the joke. Frugality trumps style, but just this time.

Look Two: Fresh and sleek and smart is Rodarte's high-neck trapeze-shape tunic. Architectural yet wearable: I think I'm in love.

Look Three: I love everything about Thakoon's shirt-waist dress...except for its massive leg-of-mutton sleeves. The seaming in the back, which creates an insta-bustle the moment you tie the sash, is sheer genius. I try to see past the disastrous sleeves, which look like they're eating me alive, but then I realize I can't. That's how big they are.

Look Four: My life-long wish to wake up one day and find myself to have morphed into Charlotte Gainsbourg is actualized the moment I put on Doo.Ri's neck-tie blouse. Magical thinking? Maybe. Magical clothing? Yeah.

Look Five: Doo.Ri's phenomenally full-skirted shirt dress makes me want to go back to the future, become June Cleaver, bake a pie, and seduce the mailman. Duplicitous, it feigns modesty while oozing sex.

Look Six: In a stroke of (self-proclaimed) styling genius, I undo the tie on the Doo.Ri dress, and find myself sheathed in a gorgeous trapeze sheath. If I were Nina Garcia on Project Runway, this look would be endowed with the highest of compliments: It's very modern and very expensive looking.

9:49 am - As I exit the dressing room, I behold a stiletto-clad woman clutching a quilted Chanel bag in one hand and a giant camouflage GQ tote in the other. "Where did that girl go? Where are my dresses? Why aren't you people moving any faster?" The Nasties have arrived, clearly, so I take my cue and proceed to check-out.