Police have taken statements from the cheerleaders but the school district is withholding the statements from the press for the time being, so there are no details to the case. There are a few questions, the answer to which would explain if this was a case of some classic mean cheerleader antics (a varsity cheerleader's ex-boyfriend would be involved, a MTV movie would be made starring a C-list actor/singer as the head cheerleader) or just some classic dumb hazing "rituals" made by young women who probably watched too many late-'90s high school films: How long did the girls stay in the water bound and gagged? Did the parents of the junior varsity cheerleaders know that their child would be "kidnapped" (which one parent of a varsity squad member seems to imply in a statement she gave to the Houston Chronicle)? More importantly, was anyone injured during the whole ordeal? According to Texas Education Code, students who participate in hazing can be charged with a Class B misdemeanor, which carries a maximum fine of $2,000 and/or up to 180 days in jail.

Granted, any parent should be concerned for their child's safety, regardless if their child was willingly partaking in an invented ritual to make some cheerleaders feel important or if their child was a victim of a violent crime. But as more details of this case come out, the situation will probably be sensationalized as another case of violent girls beating up other girls, with the added "sex appeal" surrounding cheerleading thrown into the mix (let's not forget how much the media — and Dazed & Confused director Richard Linklater — loves a bad girl Texan cheerleader). Is hazing really girl-on-girl crime, or is it just idiotic people being, well, idiots?

Officials Probe Cheerleader Hazing Case [UPI]
Katy ISD Probes Report Of Cheerleader Hazing [Houston Chronicle]
'Mean Girls' [Newsweek]

Related: The 2007-2008 Varsity Cheerleaders! [Morton Ranch High School Cheerleader's Page]

Two other adults, Jamie Pittman, 36 and his girlfriend Shauntel Mayo, 29, have been convicted and sentenced to life in prison for their roles, according to the Tyler Morning Telegraph. Jurors deliberated for only five minutes before returning guilty verdicts in Pittman and Mayo's trial.

The Swingers Club was exposed in 2005 when one of the girls involved told her foster mother about the shows, saying, "everybody does nasty stuff in there." Permanent custody of the three siblings was recently granted to John and Margie Cantrell, but in a twist worthy of the most melodramatic soap opera, last week John Cantrell was charged with sexually assaulting a minor in California 18 years ago. The Cantrells claim that the accusations are false.

Texas Town Reels From Sex Abuse Of Children [AP via MSNBC]
Jury Selection To Begin Monday For Third Defendant In Mineola Swingers’ Club Case [Tyler Morning Telegraph]

Stick A Pin In It [Dallas Morning News]
Read It And Weep [Staten Island Advance]
Earlier: ObamaMonkey? There Is No Teachable Moment With Some People.

Three of the Texas Supreme court members wrote in a dissenting opinion that while the Department of Family and Protective Services was wrong to take all the children, there was proper evidence given in order to remove adolescent girls from "a pattern or practice of sexual abuse."

While the Department of Family and Protective Services clearly abused power, some of the evidence presented by the Department was incredibly damning. According to the Texas Supreme Court decision, "the Department presented 'Bishop’s Records'— documents seized from the Ranch — indicating the presence of several extremely young mothers or pregnant 'wives' on the Ranch: a sixteen-year-old 'wife' with a child, a sixteen-year-old pregnant 'wife,' two pregnant fifteen-year-old “wives,” and a thirteen-year-old who had conceived a child." The expert witness from the FLDS themselves "confirmed that the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints accepts the age of 'physical development' (that is, first menstruation) as the age of eligibility for 'marriage.'"

Texas Court Upholds Polygamist Removals Ruling [Reuters]
FLDS Ruling Upheld By Texas Supreme Court [Los Angeles Times]
FLDS Ruling [Texas Supreme Court]

Whether the state of Texas violated the rights of the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints when it removed 400 some-odd children from the Yearning For Zion ranch is up for debate. What's not is the creepiness of these photos of former FLDS honcho Warren Jeffs sucking face with his child-brides. The Smoking Gun got a hold of images of Jeffs with two of his spiritual wives, Loretta and Merrianne. Merrianne, pictured here with Jeffs, was 12 when this photo was taken. These photos were used as evidence in the ongoing FLDS custody trials. Jeffs is currently in jail for coercing a 14-year-old girl to marry a 19-year-old. [The Smoking Gun]

FDLS brass of course, deny that any sexual abuse has occurred. Church spokesman Rod Parker thinks that the Texas Child Protective Services is underestimating the ages of the pregnant girls. Parker told the AP, "I do have serious questions about how they are determining age in there."

Each of the 463 minors taken from the YFZ ranch by the state of Texas is supposed to have an individual hearing by June 5 in order to determine if they should be put into foster care. Civil Liberties groups are arguing alongside that FDLS that the initial accusations of abuse only focused on teen girls, yet the state of Texas took every child, no matter age or gender. But couldn't it be argued that a culture that condones — however tacitly — the abuse of teenage girls is no culture for any child to be raised in?

Most Teen Girls From Ranch Have Been Pregnant [AP via MSNBC]
CPS: Half of Sect's Teen Girls Have Been Pregnant [AP via CNN]

Earlier: Authorities Take 400 More Kids From Polygamist Sect In Texas
Texas Officials Keep Teen Moms From Polygamist Sect In State Custody

The ACLU's doubts about the constitutionality of Texas's actions have been bolstered by evidence that the original call that brought authorities to raid the YFZ ranch — from a 16-year-old named Sarah Jessop Barlow, who claimed to have been forced to marry a 50-year-old when she was 15 — was a hoax.

According to the right-leaning American Spectator, Texas and Arizona authorities believe that the call may have been placed by a 33-year-old pathological liar named Rozita Swinton. "Swinton came to the attention of Texas officials after anti-polygamy advocates with an Arizona-based organization said they also received similar calls from 'Sarah,' which police then traced to Swinton, who appears to have been obsessed with the FLDS sect," the Spectator reports. Police have since raided Swinton's home and found a trove of FLDS information — though the Spectator also gleefully points out that Swinton is an Obama supporter; they're not exactly unbiased.

To combat all the poor publicity the FDLS sect has received in recent weeks, many of the female fundies have appeared on TV in order to put a "human face" on polygamists. Reports the AP, "FLDS women are speaking publicly about the heartbreak of being separated from their children and sharing some details of their life." This PR push is particularly important in the wake of Friday's decision.

FDLS mothers will be allowed to stay with their children only until DNA testing on all 416 children is complete. After that, only mothers under the age of 18 — still arguably children themselves — will be allowed to stay with their biological offspring. The DNA testing will not only show which children belong to which parents, but will also give insight into the FDLS family tree, which some describe as a "wreath" because of all the incest that takes place in the FDLS community. (There is a very rare strain of extreme retardation called Fumarase Deficiency that is reasonably common in the FDLS community because of all the intermarriage and the massive DNA testing could isolate the gene that causes Fumarase.)

ACLU Weighs In On Texas Polygamist Custody Case [CNN]
Searching For "Sarah" [Spectator]
Polygamous Sect Unleashes PR Campaign [AP via MSNBC]
Tracing The Polygamists' Family Tree[Time]

Earlier: Authorities Take 400 More Kids From Polygamist Sect In Texas
Please Do Not Cry For Those Poor Polygamist Wives, Fox News

• Fabulous CNN reporter Richard Quest (my pretend British boyfriend), was picked up early this morning in Central Park and charged with possessing meth. Oh, Richard. You already overcame the hazards of British dentistry once, why would you risk your teeth again? [NY Times]
  
• In what is rapidly becoming a roll call of disappointment, journalists call out Snuffleupagus and Charlie Gibson for their shoddy debate performance. Isn't it elitist to care if the debate was less than substantive, guys? [The Nation]
  
• Speaking of things that are bound to disappoint others, Bill Clinton's former Labor Secretary Robert Reich endorsed Obama today. For those people counting, that's now five former Clinton Cabinet secretaries (Reich, Richardson, Peña, Daley and Mineta) supporting Obama and 2 openly supporting Clinton (Albright and Cisneros). You may hate the Bushies, but, damn, do they understand loyalty better than the Clintonistas. [Robert Reich's Blog via NY Magazine, HuffPo, WaPo, HuffPo and HillaryClinton.com]

• Dean's disappointed that the superdelegates can't make up their damn minds already. [CNN]
• And women everywhere ought to be disappointed that the Supreme Court ruled last year that we only get 6 months to notice pay discrimination if we want to ever sue for it, or that Congress has, to date, neglected to pass a little law needed to stop that bullshit. [Nation, ACLU]
• Girls in the wacky polygamist "she bleeds, she breeds" cult are too scared of disappointing God to refuse marriage or sex, not that they're old enough to legally consent anyway. [MSNBC]
• Oh, and wonder how the culties paid for all of their ranch-y-ness? With your tax dollars, courtesy of the Pentagon and the cult's own defense supply company, to the tune of $1.7 million over the last 10 years. Bet you're that much more disappointed about paying your taxes this week. [CNN]
• Clinton's undoubtedly disappointed that the latest national polls show Obama beating her by a handy margin, and the latest Pennsylvania polls show them almost neck and neck heading into the weekend. [Newsweek, Rasmussen]
• Screw it, the only person not disappointed right now is my dad, who's just happy that Obama likes beer just as much as Hillary. I, however, think they both got it wrong and that it's time for a glass of wine. [Chicago Tribune, Post-Tribune]

• 32-year-old Mark Ronson is dating "underwear model" Daisy Lowe — the 18-year-old daughter of Gavin Rossdale. Pout. [The Sun]
  
• Joe Simpson is offering the tabloids a $1 million photo/interview deal for engaged and pregnant daughter Ashlee — but the mags are like: Hahaha! No. [Page Six]
  
• As reported yesterday, Naomi Campbell erroneously believes British Airways actually wants her to fly with them again. [Page Six]
  
• Arrested Development funnyman David Cross, 43 and Joan of Arcadia star Amber Tamblyn, 24: Seen making out. [Page Six]
  
• The casting for Paris Hilton's reality show in which she looks for a new best friend is not going so well. Not that you give a shit. [MSNBC]

• Yesterday was Blake Fielder-Civil's birthday, but it seems wife Amy Winehouse didn't visit him, hmmm... [The Sun]
• Psst! Pseudo-spoiler! Someone dies in the Sex And The City Movie. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which celebrity stylist has been banned by Louis Vuitton because its stuff has a habit of not coming back from her shoots? She also had that full-figured star of a hit TV comedy leave the set in tears after telling her, 'Ugh, I can't believe you don't fit into that!'" [Gatecrasher]
• Sources say Rob Lowe's nanny is a flirt who likes older men. [TMZ]
• Uh, the nanny did a shoot for People magazine, btw. [TMZ]
• The nanny's lawyer, Gloria Allred, says it's because the nanny (Jessica Gibson) "has nothing to hide." [People]
• The restraining order against leechy Sam Lufti has been extended: He's agreed to stay away from Britney Spears through July. [TMZ]
• Britney's been taking voice lessons? And spending time in the studio "just for fun"? WTF? [E!]
• Cameron Diaz says her father, Emilio Diaz, who passed away on Tuesday, "was loved by so many people, and his humor and spirit will always live on in our hearts." [People]
• Daniel Craig's James Bond is the "first metrosexual Bond," says an insider. "As well as fake tan, bronzer, eye cream, cleanser, toner and moisturizer, Daniel's been having regular manicures." As long as he's hot and suave, who cares? Leave the man alone! [Mirror]
• Lost actress Michelle Rodriguez is annoyed that people are curious whether or not she's gay. As for the bloggers who write about it: "I picture them turning into pigs, slime coming out the side of their mouth, and I picture them jerking off. I don't answer those questions. I just keep it to myself and it's nobody's business. If I wanna fuck a girl, a boy, a dog, that's my business. That's why there's bathroom doors. What the majority of (people) want to know is what I'm doing with my vagina, and I think that that's sick. What do you care who I'm dating? I can tell when somebody just wants to know about sex. And it makes me sick." Touchy, touchy! [Mirror]
• Kylie Minogue thinks about having a hubs and kids but says, "Other days, I think perhaps this is not right for me. I never had the feeling of a conventional marriage." [The Sun]
• Barbra Streisand has given $5 million to Cedars-Sinai to fund research and education for women's heart disease. [Yahoo News]
• Kate Moss and Jamie Hince are "very very happy," says Kate's friend Sadie Frost. Good to know. [People]
• An Austrian woman is wanted by authorities for failing to appear in court on charges of stalking and threatening to kill CSI: Miami star David Caruso. Doesn't he seem too creepy to stalk? [Miami Herald]
• "I'm a huge fan of gays. They love me; I love them. They consider me kind of a gay icon, which they've labeled me as." — Tori Spelling. [Reuters]
• Wow, Chloe Sevigny's hair in Big Love does kind of look like the real Texas polygamists hair! [TMZ]

Three women claiming to be representing the group wrote a letter to Texas Governor Rick Perry, lamenting their plight. "You would be appalled," the FLDS mothers wrote. "Many of our children have become sick as a result of the conditions they have been placed in. Some have even had to be taken to the hospital. Our innocent children are continually being questioned on things they know nothing about. The physical examinations were horrifying to the children. The exposure to these conditions is traumatizing them."

The mothers have also been stripped of their cell phones, as Texas authorities fear that the custody case will be hampered by outside interference. If the treatment of the FLDS wives and children is anything like former sect member Carolyn Jessop claims it is, then the lack of cell phones is the least of these women's worries. Jessop was married to a man over 30 years her senior when she was 18, and though she had 8 children with her husband (who had five other wives), she lived in constant fear. "Some [women in the sect] had been beaten so badly they had suffered broken bones. Girls, some as young as 12 and 13, had been expected to have sex with much older men."

Mothers From Polygamous Sect Ask Texas For Help [CNN]
Sect Investigation Moving To Courtroom [AP]
Forced To Marry A 50-year-old With Six Wives When Just 18 ... One Woman's Harrowing Tale Of Escaping The Texas Polygamist Sect [Daily Mail]

Earlier: Authorities Take 400 More Kids From Polygamist Sect In Texas
Your Nagging Ancient Mormon Underage Sex Cult Questions, Answered At Last!
Polygamist Sect Raided On Charges Of Abuse Of Girls

MOE: Okay, can I just say...these guys have been the subject of a fucking John Krakauer book, their fugitive leader was on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted List as of a year ago...how...just how is it that 412 girls are being rescued only now?
MEGAN: Well, I watched the presser two days ago and the prosecutor was like: we needed evidence, and we needed probable cause. We didn't have those things without a witness and we can't just harass people because of their religious beliefs and I was kinda of like, go Texas. Only then, you know, 412 girls. Civil liberties aren't always black and white.

MOE: Hm, okay, that sounds to me like some bullshit. If this shit were happening in Philadelphia the police woulda just gone and firebombed their asses. But seriously, being a church affords you certain protections from like, forensic accounting investigation, right? From the sounds of this Texas Monthly story about the construction of the Eldorado ranch — related question: where'd they put all those girls while they were constructing the thing? Tents? — these guys had to be committing some sort of basic financial fraud that might granted them a few search warrants. Is the FLDS actually recognized by the IRS as a church? Shouldn't it be a cult? Isn't polygamy banned...uh...everywhere in this country? So many questions
MOE:

What's more, said Jessop, Jeffs has taught his followers to "bleed the beast": to take advantage of any government assistance they can get, from food stamps and public welfare to medical care. Some reporters who follow FLDS activities say that tens of millions of dollars a year in welfare and other government funds go to the Colorado City-Hildale community. The very same thing was no doubt about to happen in Eldorado, Jessop said.

MEGAN: Well, only without the Man-Boy love aspect of NAMBLA. It's MANGLA
MEGAN: er, NAMGLA, but the other way is funnier.
MEGAN: Also, this part made me cross my legs in horror:

In fact, said an Arizona county official who came with Jessop to the press conference, the sole responsibility of females in the FLDS is to submit to their husbands and give birth to babies "until their insides drop out."

At city hall, Mankin ran across a compound resident named Ernie Jessop, who was trying to find out some information about water rights. "You know, things would be a lot better around here if you had a spokesman to speak to our community instead of acting so secretive," Mankin told him.
"Sir, we don't talk to outsiders," Jessop said. "That's the way my grandfather was, the way my father was, the way I was raised, and the way I will raise my children. It's a tradition. We congregate to ourselves."

MEGAN: That's been in some of the news reports. They expel some of the younger men so that the old ones can marry their classmates. Grody. Also, one would think, unsustainable in the long term.
MEGAN: And I'm sure Jeffs is segregated from the general population.
MEGAN: Or in a mental facility.
MOE: Here's a story about Krakauer trying to find Warren Jeffs in 2005.

"Krakauer is actively investigating a lot of things, including the whereabouts of Warren Jeffs," said Paul Murphy, spokesman for Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff.

"Boys are fined and harassed by the police, who are sworn to uphold the law but serve as minions of Warren Jeffs," Krakauer said. "Hundreds of these boys over the past four years have been cast out. Most of them end up on the streets of (Las) Vegas or St. George," where they turn to drugs or prostitution.

MEGAN: Yeah, there was this story last year in the New York Times. They're some fucked up kids.
MEGAN:

The problem of surplus males worsened in the 1990s when the late prophet Rulon Jeffs, Warren Jeffs's father, took on dozens of young wives — picking the prettiest, most talented girls, said DeLoy Bateman, a high school teacher who watched it happen. Warren Jeffs, taking the mantle after his father's death in 2002, adopted most of his father's wives and married others, and also began assigning more wives to his trusted church leaders, former members say. Forced departures increased.

MEGAN: Yeah, despite Big Love, people find polygamists creepy. Who'd'a thunk?
MOE: Well, apparently they didn't always find them as creepy. Check this 2002 story.It uncovered an internal Arizona AG memo detailing the accusations against the FLDS but not advocating...criminal prosecutions?

Colorado City was once called Short Creek. It became infamous in 1953 after Governor Howard Pyle ordered state police to arrest and jail all married men on charges of bigamy, adultery and rape. Pyle also ordered the National Guard to round up all the women and children and bring them to Phoenix, where they were held as wards of the state for two years.
Pyle's action proved disastrous to his political future. Photographs of police pulling babies from their fathers' arms inflamed public opposition to the raid. Prosecutors were unable to secure significant convictions because it was difficult to prove bigamy since most of the marriages were not legally recorded.
"You get killed quicker in government doing your duty than turning your back," Pyle was quoted as saying at the time, according to a March 4, 2001, article in the Denver Post.
Pyle was defeated in the next election.

The hands-off policy continued during former attorney general and governor Bruce Babbitt's era. In a 1986 Associated Press article, Babbitt defended the residents as hardworking, God-fearing people and said he did not want to delve into personal lives.

Mohave County Supervisor Buster Johnson says Napolitano told the group that her office was continuing to investigate activities in Colorado City.
"They don't have enough documentation to charge anybody with any crimes," Johnson says he was told by Napolitano.
Johnson says he's been investigating allegations of child abuse, sex crimes and welfare fraud in Colorado City since becoming a supervisor six years ago. The former Los Angeles County sheriff's deputy says he's interviewed more than 30 former church members who have fled Colorado City.
Johnson says he has been told of repeated instances of underage girls being forced into marriage, child abuse, child labor law violations, welfare fraud, rapes, assaults and mental cruelty. Young boys are also abused, he says. Boys who are deemed to be unruly and who will not follow church doctrine are dumped onto the streets of Salt Lake City to fend for themselves, he says.

MOE: Where does the natural foods diet come from?
MOE: Whoa, check this out from a Dallas Observer piece:

"They are not a threat to your children; they are a threat to their own children," she said of the polygamists, mentioning in passing child abuse, forced marriage of teenage girls, child labor, welfare fraud, tax fraud and other horrors. "They have a commune in Canada. They use it to mix up the blood. Birth defects are starting to become noticeable. If a young girl starts to get rebellious, wants to get out, they'll send her to a foreign country."

Marleigh Meisner, the spokeswoman for Texas child protective services, tells CNN that the agency is trying to keep siblings together in the event that they are taken from their parents, but that there is already a critical shortage of foster homes; she tells CBS News the FLDS kids would have a tough time acclimating to modern life.

The children who lived at the Yearning For Zion ranch had little or no contact with the outside world. According to former sect member Carolyn Jessop, who used to be married to the alleged leader of the YFZ compound, "Once you go into the compound, you don't ever leave it." She adds that the community focuses on self-sufficiency because they believe the end is neigh; women are under particular control, including a ban on cutting their hair or wearing red. (Cult leader Warren Jeffs, who is currently in jail on charges stemming from arranging a marriage between a 14-year-old girl and her 19-year-old cousin and allegedly fathered 56 children by 40 wives, says that the color red belongs to Jesus and so no mortal should wear it.)

It's hard to argue that Texas authorities should just sit idly by if they can prove that children are regularly abused at the FDLS compound, but there does seem to be something cruel and illogical about separating over 400 children from their mothers and thrusting them into a modern world for which they are ill-equipped. The FDLS has a reputation for exiling young men — nicknamed "the lost boys" — so that it can maintain a gender imbalance necessary for polygamy, and, according to The Guardian, these lost boys floundered outside compound walls, with no experience dealing with modern life and nothing to live for. The situations are not analogous, as the children taken from the YFZ ranch will be placed with foster parents, but the consequences might end up being just as severe for these kids experiencing brutal culture shock.

Texas Takes Legal Custody Of 401 Sect Children [CNN]
400 Children Taken From Polygamist Sect [CBS News]
The Lost Boys, Thrown Out Of US Sect So That Older Men Can Marry More Wives [Guardian]

Earlier: Polygamist Sect Raided On Charges Of Abuse Of Girls

The Tennessee study tested 82 couples for facial attractiveness and how they felt about their marriages. While women who were better-looking than their spouses reported contentedness, according to Univeristy of Tennessee professor Jim McNulty, men who were more attractive than their mates "demonstrated a tendency to offer less emotional and practical support to their wives." McNulty addsthat there is an "evolutionary explanation" for this behavior: "Attractive men have available to them more short-term mating opportunities. This may make them less satisfied and less committed to the marital relationship." Finally, a scientific explanation for the Katherine Heigl's choice to stay with Seth Rogen in Knocked Up!.

Do Attractive Women Want it All? New Study Reveals Relationship Standards Are Relative [PhysOrg]
Why Gorgeous Girls Are Happier With Plain Guys [Daily Mail]

• Oh yay, the terrorists are taking cues from the school shooters now. A day after Condi leaves Israel, at a religious school known as the birthplace of Zionism. Ten died, some of them clutching Bibles as they fell to the floor. [WSJ]
  
• And lest you thought, well, at least thanks to the troop surge such incidents aren't happening as often in Iraq...yeah. 54 killed, 123 injured. [NYT]
  
• So where do these guys get their weapons? Russians. [Wash Post]
  
• Barack Obama looks like he's winning the Texas caucuses; please do not ask me to explain why. [Fort Worth Star Telegram]

• A Clinton aide compared Obama, somewhat hyperbolically, to Ken Starr. [Politico]
• Hillary is not exactly a Jesus Freak but she is a Holy Spirit Freak which is almost weirder. [CBN]
• Running in stilettos is a lucrative competitive sport in the Netherlands. [MSNBC
• What happens if you lose billions of dollars making unauthorized trades for the giant megabank you work for? You might find yourself making friends with Ramzi Yousef, the Mafia and the Aryan brotherhood. [WSJ]

• Hillary won the Texas primary by four percentage points but she may actually wind up tied with Obama for the delegate count. Just trust me when I say I am outraged on her behalf. [Wonkette]
  
• It's official: Rush Limbaugh won yesterday for Hillary. [Reason]
  
• It's official: that leaked NAFTA document won yesterday for Hillary. Stephen Harper says so. Who's Stephen Harper? Ha ha ha, some interdependence that turned out to be. [Reuters]
  
• It's official: there were a BUNCH of reasons Hillary won last night but yeah it was mostly SNL. [Progressive]
  
• Personally I don't understand why no one is crediting Joel Osteen of the Church of Prosperity and Lingerie for winning it for Hillary because everyone loves money and lingerie. And also, Chelsea's highlights. I hate highlights but hers look hot. [Houston Chronicle]
  
• Yeah yeah yeah running mate whatever we'll cross that bridge when we come to it which is to say holy shit NEVER. [Politico]

• Oh my God. You know who resurfaced today, guys? Our pathologically embarrassing lame-duck president guy! To endorse John McCain. John McCain was sooooo honored I'm sure. [NY Times]
• Just for that he got Gen. Petraeus to say Al Qaeda was coming back. Wait a sec! I thought Al Qaeda was in Iraq. It's called "Al Qaeda in Iraq"! Mindfuck. [World Tribune]
• Being a woman sucks, yes it does, don't even try to deny it, something about Hillary. [Washington Post]
• Blogsentiment of the day: "One would hope for something as simple as "he talks a good game, but it's all a huge lie!!!!!" but it's not all a huge lie." [Atlantic]

MOE: Oh goody! SIX MORE YEARS OF THIS CAMPAIGN
MOE: i get to be a part of the democratic democratic process now!
MOE: shit is going to Pennsylvania, where even the governor says everyone's racist!
MEGAN: In like 6 weeks!! Is it completely selfish that part of me was all, oh, thank goodness because otherwise what the hell would I write about if the race was over?
MEGAN: I mean, I'm sorta fine if it is, I'm mostly just checking.
MOE: Oh I don't know MAYBE THE ISSUES
MEGAN: Hahaha, no one really cares about the isues.
MOE: MAYBE HOW THE FUCK THE DEMOCRATS PLAN TO BEAT MCCAIN I DUNNO
MEGAN: They plan to beat McCain? I thought they just planned to beat up on each other until August 28th.
MOE: You're right. That was never the plan. The plan was to beat that Law & Order guy or something, right? What happened to that guy?
MEGAN: He's home fucking his hot wife and making PB&J sammiches for their kids and laughing his ass off.
MOE: But McCain is looking like a formidable candidate! Look, Cindy is even softening up her look.
MEGAN: OMG, I loved her hair last night, for real. Good job McCain stylist! Or Meghan! Whomever did it.
MOE: Howard Kurtz is crediting Tina Fey for the win. Personally I'm crediting all the recent support from my mom. Or Republicans crossing over to vote for Hillary.
MEGAN: Rush Limbaugh, evil genius? I did see M'Ann Coulter yesterday taking up Rush's call to pick the Democrats' nominee the way the "liberals" and the mainstream media "picked" theirs. And she wasn't even talking about how Kos encouraged Dems to vote Romney in Michigan!
MEGAN: By voting for Hillary.
MOE: Oh no! I missed an Ann Coulter appearance on the teeveee?? All the lost page views...
MEGAN: Also, may I take a moment to suggest that our beloved commenters and everyone else reading this take a deep breath and STOP trying to figure out who Karl Rove et al don't want you to vote for. You know what they wanted? This.
MOE: So is there even anything demographically interesting to say about this? She won the HILLSPANICS and the OVER THE HILLS and white women blah blah
MEGAN: Also, apparently, white men voted for her in droves for the first time.
MOE: Hahahaha "beloved"
MOE: White men in Ohio? Or Texas too?
MEGAN: Both, if I recall my exit poll watching correctly.
MEGAN: We could talk about how, with 40% of the vote in, Obama is currently winning the Texas caucuses, though that could change, too.
MEGAN: Also, can we have an official fashion opinion on Michelle Obama's outfit?
MEGAN: Bolero? And what looked like raw silk? It definitely rode up a little in the small of her back, which stuff does on me all the time because of my sticky-outie ass.
9:00 AM
MOE: I keep looking for a pic
MOE: SEND ME A PIC. THIS IS THE ONLY THING IN MY LIFE THAT IS FUN RIGHT NOW.
9:05 AM
MEGAN: It's actually patterned silk.
MEGAN: Here's the full shot from the side.
9:10 AM
MEGAN: And the full frontal. Quite the daring slit.
MOE: Wow that is kind of hot. I don't like it as much as I usually like her outfits but she pulls it fucking off.
MOE: Also she works out "like a gladiator" according to that New Yorker profile. Did you see how it quoted you?
MEGAN: I did! Though they neglected to use my actual name, I sent it to my dad who was very proud because the least vulgar thing I said was "bitch." My dad fucking hates it when I swear. Oops. He reads this most days. Sorry, Dad!
9:15 AM
MOE: My mom is completely oblivious to the entire blog.
MEGAN: I know! I find that so amusing. But my dad always wanted me to be a "writer" and this is the closest thing plus, these days, it's better to say his overeducated daughter is a professional blogger than a lobbyist or even an ex-lobbyist (thanks Vicki Iseman).
9:20 AM
MEGAN: Also, I don't know if you saw, but I texted you last night because the HD-TV I was watching in the bar when Hillary gave her victory speech made Hillary's suit look electric pink instead of red and it rendered my friend and I speechless.
MEGAN: Because I am morally opposed to pink.
MOE: Yeah I got your text. At like 5 a.m. I was supposed to go to a primary party but instead sat at a bar talking about ...uh...boys. Sorry I've been distracted; I've been trying to scan the New York Post cover but it, of course, won't fit in my scanner. She looks pretty in a very fuchsia tone of red on the cover.
MOE: I don't know if you saw Rolling Stone endorsed Obama but it's kind of like one of those things with Hillary and Barbra; maybe it can't hurt but it also can't help.
MEGAN: No, totally cool. So, um, DailyKos is reporting and FoxNews re-reporting that Hillary's peeps Photoshopped a pic of Obama for an ad to make him look darker skinned.
MOE: Oh GOD yeah that was all over the Post. We got a bunch of tips about this yesterday.
MOE: He definitely looks, uh, different. They gave him like Goth mouth.
MEGAN: I think he shaves a unibrow, looking at that. Like, as opposed to waxes.
MOE: I think I'll have to put it up side-by-side with some of those lightened Beyonce cover pics.
MEGAN: Well, if there's one good thing about being goth pale without makeup it's that my pictures can only be made flatteringly darker, and never lighter.
MOE: The interesting thing is that is face in the darkened shot looks more intelligent but also more sinister, ANGRIER. Not about to denounce or reject any of that etc. etc.
MOE: Can I point out this somewhat telling paragraph of the Jann Wenner endorsement of Obama for a sec?

The book was a revelation. Here was a man whose honesty about himself and understanding of the human condition are both deep and compassionate. Born to a white mother and an African father, he was raised in multiracial Hawaii and for several years in Indonesia. He drifted through some druggy teenage years — no apologies! — before emerging as a star at Harvard Law School.

I first learned of Barack Obama from a man who was at the highest level of George W. Bush's political organization through two presidential campaigns. He described the first-term senator from Illinois as "a walking hope machine" and told me that he would not work for any Republican candidate in 2008 if Obama was nominated.

At around 8:30 p.m., nervous about the tightening Texas race and watching Sen. John McCain give his victory speech, someone yelled out: "Look at Cindy McCain! That's either an Adam's apple or a very big pimple!"

• On the eve before the Texas/Ohio primaries that could end the Hillary Clinton candidacy, Camille Paglia decided to give an exclusive interview to...US Weekly. In which: she praises Barack Obama for his superior kung fu skills and rails against Hillary for hiring a team "so self-infatuated with their own clever superiority, that in fact they're quite transparent," and also choosing to appear in US Weekly. [US Weekly]
  
• Whatev! Hill's in "happy-warrior mode." [NY Times]
  
• "Colombia has become the Israel of Latin America." Hugo Chavez re the killing of commander Raul Reyes and 16 other FARC guerrillas on Saturday. [Haaretz]
  
• Ummmm, we're busy dealing with the Israel of the Middle East right now, mkay guys?(Hahaha Kthanxdie). Condi visits tomorrow following Israeli air strikes on Gaza that have killed 117 Palestinians. [Wash Post]
  
• Rush Limbaugh asks his callers to vote for Hillary because "this is too good a soap opera...We need Barack Obama bloodied up politically. It's obvious that the Republicans are not going to do it, they don't have the stomach for it... I know it's a difficult thing to do, vote for Clinton. But it will sustain this soap opera, and it's something I think we need and it'll be fun, too." [CNN]

• Why does Russia bother holding elections? Uhhhhh, so stupid uninformed people like us won't get it confused with, God forbid, China. [Slate]
• Warren Buffett says the country is "essentially" in a recession. [CNBC]
• An that he'd put either Clinton or Obama in charge of a business — just not Berkshire Hathaway. [Reurters]
• John McCain wants you to know right now while his opinion is still irrelevant that he is in favor of interest rate cuts. [WSJ]
• Thousands of southern Chinese are protesting the construction of a chemical plant near their fishing villages after the same strategy worked to get the project moved from the city of Xiamen. (Um, just how pristine and unpolluted were any of these places before the residents started getting all NIMBY on economic development's ass? Just wondering.) [Wash Post]

• Maybe no.. But he would have, if loyal advisers had not protected him from himself! Loyal advisers who are now telling the Times all about it? (Loyal advisers who wish he had left the GOP? Seems poss!) Vicki Iseman. A youthful-looking 40. Pretty! Deny deny deny. Gary Hart was his groomsman, you know! The "miracle" Huckabee's been waiting for? [NYT]
  
• Let's be clear, Bill O'Reilly doesn't want to "lynch" Michelle Obama. Not until he has enough "evidence." He will "track it down." [Media Matters]
  
• Tucker Carlson just said he thinks she's got a "chip on her shoulder." Not that there's anythign wrong with that.
  
• All she was talking about was the record turnout! [CBS News]
  
• And let's go back to the chip thing for a sec. As Chris Matthews so helpfully pointed out this morning, slavery was in the Constitution. She grew up bound and determined to succeed, flung herself into an Ivy League bastion of entrenched privilege and classism and survived. Better than can be said for some of us but whatevs. [WSJ]

• So...stats on Cindy McCain: only child, affluent, high school cheerleader, rodeo queen, Theta at USC, met John at a military reception when he was still married. Married him, several miscarriages, three kids, volunteer work in disaster areas, SCANDALE...stress stress ... can't ... find ... receipts...PILLHEAD!...stealing pills from volunteer work. Adopts Bangladeshi child, two kids join military, innocuous. Gratuitously cold and snippy re Michelle! (Also gratuitously blonde; neither here nor there.) [Wikipedia]
• Ann Coulter's credit score = patriotic? [Page Six]
• Hillary is actually better off for losing nine states in a row because now all the indecisive ladies of Texas and Ohio will feel sorry for her and vote for her. [Slate]
• Also: Hillary hunts, is a better shot than you know whose eighth cousin! [NY Daily News]
• Another union full of Birkenstock wearing trust fund thespians goes endorses Obama. [AP]
• Jesse Jackson doesn't necessarily want Hillary to quit, he just wants her entire campaign staff to quit. [Politico]
• I want to have his babies of the day: Jon Stewart is on Larry King. (Actually Jon was my first-ever celeb crush, when I was 13 or 14 and he was in Seventeen promoting "You Wrote It, You Watch It." At the time I was 5'4 so I thought he actually seemed tall enough. Le sigh.)

• "'Please leave me alone. ... This is a very hard time for me,'" he said as he threw his arms up and wept. WSJ]
  
• Dark Matter, a Meryl Streep movie about an Asian campus shooter delayed following the Virginia Tech killings, is finally set to be released. [WSJ]
  
• We have 11-year-old sex offenders in this country now. [MyFoxDFW]
  
• And Kimora Lee Simmons Barbies. [NY Mag]
  
• What happens when a pharmaceutical sales rep copies and pastes the Match.com profile of a Harper's writer? A somewhat awkward date! [WSJ]
  
• Too. Fucking. Sad. [LA Times]
  
• Oh my GOD and if you think that is bad you won't BELIEVE what's happening to this critical American industry. [NYT]
  
• Hillary and John McCain had a vodka drinking contest with Hillary when the two were in Estonia a few years back but Barry Hussein asked for his shot glasses to be filled with water. Islamofascist! [NY Times]
  

• US Weekly made an awesome slide show of celebrity couples of yore, including that woman Patrick Dempsey married that one time and Tom Cruise and Heather Locklear. [Us]
• "In a rare display of political hypocrisy, a longtime Republican lawmaker has resigned today after child pornography was found on his computer." [Wonkette]
• Whither Texas? Uh... [Slate]
• Barack Obama has a lot of money and John McCain doesn't so John McCain is trying to get Obama to agree to some pinko income distribution scheme that he purportedly agreed to a long time ago. Socialism's a bitch, Barry! [NYT]
• "And no I'm not a regular reader of 'Jezebel.' I got this link from Defamer. I swear." [The Weekly Standard]

MOE: Ah, there you are! Keeping yourself "busy" hee hee?
MEGAN: Yeah, just reading this story about puppies and love and how kind of fucked up our government is.
MOE: ooooooooh Iraq puppies!!! Dammit I totally referenced another Iraq dogs story yesterday written by my ex housemate Yochi Dreazen, but now I can't find it!
Ok, question: how come I keep seeing polling data from Pennsylvania saying Clinton's winning HUGE there but I keep not, seeing polling data from Texas, which happens like a whole six weeks before? And why is she so popular in Ohio?
MEGAN: Wow, I even went to this site that links to every damn poll and there really isn't any data on Texas. That's too weird. Do people in Texas just refuse to talk to pollsters or something?
MOE: Uhhhhhh, that would. be like some weird Texas motto. No vibes is good vibes etc. etc.
I still can't believe they outlawed sex toys.
MEGAN: I dunno, sometimes men get jealous of sex toys? I have a friend who felt really awkward when his girlfriend brought one home, maybe the Texas legislature is just filled with really insecure men?
MOE: I mean, Virginia has a law banning "obscene items." It would be one thing to just go banning, like, those weird sucky things shaped exactly like vaginas, or vibrators shaped like massive schlongs, and other things that scare me. But for them to ban ALL SEX TOYS OUTRIGHT FOR EVER AND EVER...that has to violate some amendment with a number smaller than 14!
MEGAN: I think it's definitely violative of my religious freedoms. But, I do agree that male masturbatory aids are a little disturbing, like, is it really sexy to stick one's dick in a molded plastic vadge that one is holding?
MOE: You know what I never got for the longest time were the limp dicks. And then I realized they were for "packing." That has got to be a pretty niche industry. But let us go back to electoral politics since it's been like a whole day and
I love it when conservatives unleash their closet atheists on charismatic liberals. Also am I the only person who did not know Chuck Krauthammer was Canadian?
9:21 AM MEGAN: Krauthammer is Canadian?
9:22 AM MOE: Somehow? I would Nexis every column he's ever written on health care, but not bothering.
I'm going to put it out there that I had a few epiphanies last night!
9:23 AM One is that if Obama wins the nomination it means no boomers on the ballot.
9:24 AM MEGAN: Whoa.
If I had any last night, I forgot them when I sobered up.
But that's kind of mind-blowing.
MOE: No Boomers, who came into their political perspectives in an era so politically charged that it's almost possible to separate them from their visceral reactions to the sixties. Boomers, with the chief tension within all of their lives being the struggle between the weird youthful combination of idealism and hedonism and the cynical, realpolitik selloutathon that followed. None of their sixties hangups or seventies post traumatic crises. And like, that is a big relief. Because I actually think the opposition to Hillary had less to do with her being a woman than her being a Boomer, and the manifestation of all of the compromising under the guise of having it all or whatever. Actually I'm really hung over, but this idea made a lot of sense last night.
MEGAN: I'm pretty hung over, too, actually.
MOE: The thing was that Hillary came of age in an era that made her a Democrat. In any other era, it is very easy to see her rising to the Senate as a moderate Republican. But her peers shaped her political beliefs. And her peers did their part to shape the political beliefs of pretty much every other motherfucking member of that generation with the possible exception of clueless drunktards like the current occupant of the White House.
With Obama and McCain, on the other hand, their political coming of age was more their own. Independent, with their views shaped largely by their own, you know, "journeys."
Or whatever, by their fathers.
Their daddy issues.
MEGAN: When I'm drunk, my thoughts are things like "I'm hungry" and "He's cute." Maybe I need to start drinking different things to achieve your level of thought.
MOE: Oh haha these are thoughts I had before I got drunk.
Actually they are thoughts I had when I called my mom.
MEGAN: Phew, I feel totally better now. Well, except for the fact that I didn't call my mothers.
MOE: the story about the Kuciniches reminded me grossly enough of my parents.
MEGAN: I have no response to that.
MOE: And so I called them, and my mom informed me happily that she saw sooooo many black people at our polling place ("I've never seen a black person at that polling place!") that she felt like Obama was safe and that she could vote for McCain and keep Huckabee at bay.
It was also a decision, she confided, that had been informed by some recent PBS special on Karl Rove.
"Such a sinister figure."
But anyway both she and my dad for the first time, were like, soooo excited in a happy way to talk about politics. so excited about the possibilities!
And it was just like, wow, you know what? We finally have the distinct possibility of an election in which the MOTHERFUCKING SIXTIES IS NOT ON TRIAL.
THANK YOU ALLAH.
MEGAN: Or, maybe, one in which voter turnout is higher than 40 percent? Because that would be equally cool.
MOE: What is more, one in which both Rush Limbaugh and Al Sharpton have been rendered irrelevantish!
MEGAN: That, too, would be cause for celebration. Al should've endorsed sooner.
MOE: No shit! PUSSY.
Oh wait, so amidst all the hopes and dreams and shit.
Yesterday's campus shooter was a sociology major. With "very good marks." WTF.
MEGAN: I was a Sociology major and got really good grades. I agree that those are irrelevant facts to the question of why he walked into a geology lecture and shot the place up.
But, apparently, the school won't confirm his name to the hordes of press that have descended, so they have to write something.
MOE: You know who else was a sociology major was that weird feminist turned misogynist law student. But blah blah digress. Anyway, I think we can all agree that school shootings are terrible and confusing and you never seem to find out enough about them until another one happens and you google "what the hell ever happened with so-and-so school shooting", only hopefully with better search terms, and then you either learn some heartbreaking twisted story of some kid who was just depressed and lost and made insane by his surroundings, or a total psychopath. Oh FUCK the hangover is setitng in. Um...
I think I should probably bring up Daniel Ortega's endorsement of Barry Obama
Yesterday Hunter Walker and I were IM-ing (sober) about the impact of Obama vs. McCain on foreign policy etc.
Both spent some formative years in Southeast Asia!
HW thinks McCain is completely a creature of PTSD, which is totes true!
But whatever, ORTEGA. Makes me want to listen to the Clash.
MEGAN: I saw the Ortega thing, which I'm sure will sit TOTALLY well with conservative voters. He's like, Messican or something, right?

MOE: Oh! Go to mccainblogette.com and react to the hot or notness of Megan mccain's brother would you dear?
MEGAN: At first I looked and went, eh, a little fratty and blonde for my taste and then I read this: "I speak broken Farsi, Japanese, Spanish and some Afrikaans" and swooned.
Also, he loves cooking and is a published poet. I'm guessing that he's single, and hoping cute girls read his sister's blog.
MOE: He's totes not my type but he also seems sweet and harmless and openminded and uh also in the naval academy!
Do you think John McCain would be a democrat if not for his PTSD?
I guess only GOD can know for sure!!
But we have to read those two fathers books. Yesterday I totally tried to order the McCain one when I was drunk. I hope I failed.
MEGAN: I think he'd probably be more Republican-y if not for the PTSD and opposition to torture and stuff.
MOE" Oh see, that's where Hunter Walker's theory is interesting.
Hunter (in his infinite 22 year old wisdom) thinks that McCain's PTSD is the reason he is such a hawk.
MEGAN" See, if he'd switched from being a Dem or something, I might buy that. But, since his hawkishness survived a POW camp, I'm sticking with his maverickishness comes from the PTSD.

But it gets even more fucked up! After McCuin filleted his girlfriend, he drove over to the home of his estranged ex-wife and stabbed up her boyfriend. The boyfriend is currently in critical condition at the hospital.

You've got to wonder what kind of completely deranged freakshow would commit this sort of heinous crime. Court TV's Crime Library says that traditional explanations for this sort of thing "include childhood abuse, genetics, chemical imbalances, brain injuries, exposure to traumatic events, and perceived societal injustices," though it's hard to know what lethal combination of the above creates a psychopath. All I know is that the boiling ear image is totally going to haunt me for the rest of the day. Happy Monday!

Man Kills, Cooks And Possibly Eats Girlfriend, Police Say [AP via CNN]
Monsters or Victims? What They Are and Who They Kill [Crime Library]