Paranoia.

Hearing voices.

Mania.

1. The covers suck.
If you love fashion, why would you pick up a magazine that had a Photoshopped roboGwyneth on it? Or an animalistic-looking basketball player? Or Sarah Jessica Parker wedged between a decapitated man's legs? French Vogue's covers are daring and provocative; American Vogue relies on Kate Bosworth's "superstar style." YAWN.

2. Photoshop is out of hand.
Art directors rendered Drew Barrymore and Tina Fey almost unrecognizable. ScarJo's waist was whittled. Not even "healthy" magazines like Self and Fitness are immune. Maybe readers are sick of the artifice?

3. Expensive Shit.
Even if you adore the fall collections and think of Galliano as God, you probably can't afford a $13,000 dress. So when you have to look at said $13,000 dress posed in the middle of a desert like it ain't no thing, you can get miffed. No? How about a $270 Bible? Or a $246 Louis Vuitton headband?

4. "News" you can't use.
Once you get past the cover and expensive shit, some mags are filled with mind-numbing, trite or just plain evil content. The illustrated "How To Take A Shower" piece in Allure comes to mind. As does the quote from Vera Wang in Vogue: "The armpit is nasty, nasty. Even young girls can have this problem."

5. The Internet.
When in doubt, blame this Web 2.0 thing everyone's talking about!

Or maybe it's something we haven't mentioned. Thoughts? Are you buying fewer magazines? Why?

'Oprah,' 'Vogue' Among Major Newsstand Losers [Portƒolio]

Okay, I'll admit it. The Teen Vogue way to wear this plaid D&G trench coat, which is not priced and probably won't be in stores until the temperature drops below 95, looks a lot more fun than the "run"-way. Maybe because the D&G way is…well…for starters, orange is a bad color for eyeshadow and…it looks like it was styled by the department of the Pentagon that conceives all the propaganda in charge of turning Americans against people wearing headscarves. (Or wait, Victoria Clarke!)

Behold: the punk pencil skirt, brought to you by Marc Jacobs. Everyone knows how Marc Jacobs invented grunge, but not everyone realizes he was one of the co-founders of punk as well. That is why his plaid at $238 is so affordable compared to Dolce & Gabbana's; he wants the kids to be able to pair his pieces with their $230 vintage T-shirts and $296 "Blue Blood" backpacks! He is like Ian McKaye in that way.







These are my personal faves. Doesn't it look like she just stepped out of a 1992 Mandee? Well except for the top part, which probably would have been a bodysuit. And she should probably be wearing a choker. I can't find a price tag on these House of Holland pants but their their website makes me want to kill myself.

No we can't tell you the price of Sigrid's Just Cavalli jacket. If you have to ask you probably think sprinting in a snakeskin motorcycle jacket and bangle bracelets is a good idea but it will probably only make you die from dehydration and Teen Vogue likes to look out for its readers.

This is ping-pong, "their way." The Etro scarf and Leekan necklace are unpriced and we'd say they're pretty optional anyway, but those yellow Louise Goldin goggles are obviously an imperative so why can't we get a price on that? In other news, that cuff is $439.

Perhaps you always thought beach volleyball players, so ripped and bronze and well-adjusted, exemplified some sort of platonic sportsgirl ideal…

But you would be forgetting the critical necessity of a $225 metallic swimsuit so high-cut you can't wear it without matching booty shorts!

And finally, fencing. Who knew donning puffy white astronaut garb and swordfighting with nerds could be sexy?

Why…Veronique Leroy! Who obviously designed these platform shoes — no we can't tell you the price — with your epee in mind.

Earlier: Vogue's World's Best Bodies
"Girls Hurt": The Soccer Story That Will Pain Your Pretty Little Head
Teen Vogue Message Boards: "I Gained Alot Of Weight Over The Summer. It's Disgusting"
Alexandra Michael Is About 28 Pounds Too Fat For Modeling

• Breaking news: a Telegraph profile today inspired me to finally watch the Agyness Deyn music video. It is generic and derivative and cynically targeted at the aging Britpop nostalgists who write blogs and I fucking love it. Oh man, and I don't even hate myself for this. Embedded after the jump. [Telegraph]
  
• Tinsley Mortimer's makeup may look light and natural but it is actually deceptively heavy and high-maintenance! One brave New York writer consumed three hours she will never get back in an effort to emulate the Tinz. And you wonder why they pay her the big bucks. [NY Mag]

• It's intern theme day at Rag Trade! Hockey player Sean Avery just started his internship at Vogue. WWD thinks it's kind of scandalous that he maybe gets to attend the couture shows with Andre Leon Talley. Fashionista thinks it's kind of scandalous that he's actually getting paid minimum wage when "almost every single other intern there not only doesn't get paid at all, but usually ends up actually paying to be there (as I, dear reader, did three times for Conde internships)." We can think of other things involving the minimum wage that scandalize us more, but why discuss the travails of ordinary Americans when...
• We found out the real reason Teen Vogue banned high school interns! A tipster tells us: "so last year, one of teen vogue's interns crashed the met ball in a dress she had borrowed without permission from the teen vogue fashion closet, and then [blogged] about all the celebrities she met and exactly what they said to her... and then Kimball Hastings lost his shit, obviously."
• We had high hopes that a recession would usher in a new era of fashion, but this is somewhat worrisome: retail sales are so dismal that H&M sales fell last quarter for the first time since the Clinton Administration. [WWD]
• And yet! Abercrombie & Fitch somehow continues to thrive. [WWD]
• Which can only be auspicious for the...Ugg clothing line! [FabSugar]

• Yeah, Lindsay Lohan's line of leggings? I know what you are thinking: it goes without saying that the world should not be robbed of the opportunity to purchase the fruit of Lindsay Lohan's design skills, but leggings? What can you really do with leggings? Isn't the whole point of leggings is that they are not really "designed"? Well friends, as someone who went to Catholic school, I can only say that leggings, like life, are all about the tiny, generally imperceptible differentiating details (such as built-in kneepads?) [TheLifeFiles]
  
• A Virginia fashion school held an abaya design contest; abayas of course, being those modest robes worn by Muslim women initially to ward off vanity, but now they come with Swarovski crystals and Louis Vuitton linings because who has money for vanity besides the Kingdom of Qatar these days? [AP]
  
• Leigh Lezark of the deejay trio the Misshapes is officially a model now. The agency is IMG but I know you are thinking "more like OMG" becasue she is just so very the Renaissance woman; she is like the Yin to Agyness Deyn's Yang. [Fashion Week Daily]

• Teen Vogue is no longer hosting teen interns. This allegedly comes on the heels of one too many incidences involving impossibly-privileged high schoolers acting like impossibly-privileged high school Teen Vogue story subjects. It is profoundly depressing how badly I would like to know the details here, but fuck it; READERS, PLEASE. Start snitchin! [Fashionista]
• Donatella
• Versace said no to doing a line with H&M. This is sad sad news. Though not as sad as natural disaster. Or the fact that the entire modern fashion press insists on using the term "diffusion line" without any evidence of self-loathing. [NY Mag]
• And Liz Claiborne, much like all of us continues to bleed. [WWD]

Teen Vogue: Teen Vogue's website doesn't seem to have any sex coverage at all. Its drop-down menu on the homepage has five sections: Style, Industry Insider, Beauty, Team Vogue and Connect. And although there are no articles about sex or question-and-answer style features, there is a fair amount of sex talk on the largely unregulated Message Boards. Sample thread starter: "I haven't had sex in over two weeks. its starting to wear on me but my boyfriend is out of town and i don't want to cheat on him because i've already done that too much. I guess i just have to stay strong but its hard. TIPS?!?!?!"
Cosmo Girl!: Ah, Cosmo Girl. The website's "Sex" section is part of a drop down menu titled "Guys" (also available under the heading "Life Advice") where the magazine has a panel of reasonable experts answering questions like "Can you get pregnant if a guy fingers you with sperm on his hand?" They don't talk down to the girls, and seem to be giving straight talk. Alongside the prudent advice is a lot of boy craziness including recurring features like "Hook A Hottie", "Guy Videos", "Eye Candy", "Guide To Guys" — the list goes on.
Elle Girl: The sex coverage on Elle Girl is also pretty minimal. The brunt of it is articles like How to Deal ...With a Guy Who's Just After a Hookup and quizzes such as Are you a bad girlfriend?. None of these are particularly informative or sex-positive.
Seventeen: The bottom line of Seventeen's sex stories is always, "don't get knocked up". There's an entire section devoted to "preventing pregnancy." While the idea of sex for pleasure's sake is definitely not the backbone of Seventeen's health section, they do an admirable job in answering the tough questions, like the age-old query, "Can I Get Pregnant From Having Sex in Water?"
YM : Back in the early-mid-90s when I was a burgeoning teen, YM was the repository for the raciest sex stories. The magazine was never huge on serious content or real advice, though. It's a bit tamer than I remember — where are all the blow job questions? — but the "Say Anything" section still provides the same level of teen mortification it always did.

Magazine Readers Want Sex [Daily Telegraph]

CosmoGIRL! Prom:
CosmoGIRL! Prom wants teen girls to know that it's okay if they're not a size 00. At least, that's the message I got from the fact that the best-dresses-for-curvy-girls spread "Calling All Curves" was placed right next to an undergarments package "Undercover Agents."

Take Away: CosmoGIRL! Prom thinks all girls who are more than 80 lbs. are whores with bad taste.

Teen Vogue:
Despite a Cover Lie announcing that prom stories are within, there is (thankfully) very little actual prom content in the pages of Teen Vogue. There is, however, a young Upper East Side high schooler who is having Zac Posen custom-design her prom dress. (For those who can't have a designer make them dress, the magazine also offers helpful hints from another designer on how to make your own. Yeah right.)

Take Away: If you have to ask, you can't afford it... and probably can't figure out how to sew your own.

Teen Prom:
Teen Prom showcases run-of-the-mill "model-type" girls, but not just in any ordinary fashion editorial spread! Oh no, Teen Prom wants teen girls to "funkify" their look, by infusing their prom dresses with a touch of punky personal style:

Take Away: Teen Prom thinks young women have no sense of color or proportion.

Your Prom:
Sure, Your Prom has American Idol winner Jordin Sparks on the cover, but I was hard-pressed to find a single article about her. All we saw were ads, which seem to have been shot in 1982.

Take Away: You know how you heard the 80's are back? They're not.

Earlier: Weetzie Bat: The Book For Girls Who Ended Up Taking A Gay Dude To Prom
Heroes' Hayden Panettiere Is An American Everywoman

Jackie Tube Top ($42), Sherry Dress ($185), Amber Dress ($128)
1. I say: Do you know what I could do with $42 instead?! 2. For one, I could get this dress but nicer and cheaper at J. Crew. 3. This is just plain ugly.

Lexi Tank ($88), Diane Dress ($124), Natalie Dress ($130)
In the words of Nina G: It looks cheap: All of it. Each and every one.

Dana Dress ($115), Emily Skirt ($115), Kiki Tank ($84)
1. Does LC think we're all five-year olds with expense accounts? 2. Has she been peeping in Julia Allison's closet? 3. Does LC think we're stupid enough to shell out $84 for a plain tank?!

Earlier: Lauren Conrad Collection: Ugly, Overpriced, Simply Outrageous

• Teen Vogue editor in chief Amy Astley's New Year's Resolution is to read more books in lieu of the New York Post and break her kids of their Disney Channel habit. Because what you are offering the culture is sooooo motherfucking wholesome and thought-provoking, Amy Astley. [WWD
  
• Jude Law maybe to play Halston in a biopic about the designer. [Fashionista]
  
• Rapey designer Anand Jon's sister thinks every one of the 30 women accusing him of sexual assault is a gold-digging whore. [Times Of India]
  
• Every time you order champagne you are probably only lining the pockets of Scarlett Johansson, if you think about it. Maybe get high instead? [WSJ]

• Some clothing company took out ads that read it "is not racist like Tommy Hilfiger." God this is so stupid. Tommy Hilfiger is not racist, just talentless and clearly somewhat repressed. Whatever stupid clothing company is trying to drum up publicity by reminding everyone of the urban legend that Tommy Hilfiger hates the race of people who used to buy his stupid clothing is only getting blogged about because nothing is going on in the fashion industry right now and I am not even going to name it here but go ahead and click if you want. [Observer]
• I don't know who Jessie Randall is but I hate brunch, too. Not the meal itself, just the dogma of it, or something. [The Fashion Informer]
• Anne Hathaway is the new "brand ambassador" for Lancome. No link, it's just an email I got. Exciting, right?
• You know that phenomenon whereby people with entirely too much disposable income resort to spending it on pointlessly expensive "luxury goods" to broadcast their wealth, superiority, etc? Well have you heard? It even happens in the Middle East. [WWD]
• You know that other phenomenon whereby models are thin? Yeah there's apparently more to say about that too. [Vogue UK]

i do it all the time it just feels so good and ou cant get and sexualy transmitted diseases by doing so just have fun this is TMI but i used a zucchine once o wow it was so good

• "Hah, I had this friend (she moved last year) who used to masturbate in public and she thought she was totally under the radar, but everyone noticed. It was really just odd, like in math class. Just odd. It's fine in privacy or with another person, but I cannot imagine a situation in which masturbation is appropriate in public."
• "yeah i have like 8 guys in my science class that all do it IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS. disgusting. it's a private thing seriously. we have a pretty young science teacher and she's pretty and skinny... i guess they can't help themselves... pfft."
• "i just wanted to ask you guys if mas.turbating makes you "half a virgin". i've heard it before and i'm wondering if it's true?"
• "ummmmm, whats eating out?"
• "when someone puts their tounge down there"
• "okay this might sound really dumb.. but what exactly is m.asturbating?? i dont know exactly what it is.. in detail can you explain it?? haha sorryyy."
• "its totally normal." but later in life you could become like, a sexaholic. yes those do exist lol
• haha i just keep thinking about that episode of sex and the city when charlotte wants to stay home with her vibrator instead of going out
• "..i had my period reeally heavy like last month and so i really wanted to be clean down there so i washed it in the shower and it ended up feeling good haha..but like idk what else!"
• "omg, thats like exactly how i found out about it. Actually, i didnt even kno what masterbating wuz when i started doin that. haha."

obsession with mastur.bating [Teen Vogue]

• We don't think we can design clothes, so why do clothing designers think they can blog? The Proenza Schouler boys, Jack McCollough and Lazaro Hernandez, will be blogging for the New York Times's T: Style magazine's new site all this week. Says T's online editor, "One of the things I'm trying to avoid is solipsistic navel-gazing." Um, good luck with that! [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• What would you do with $15 million? If you're Mr. Dolce and Mr. Gabbana, you use it to give your New York flagship store a little make-over! [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• And apparently it took $15 fucking million for Mr. Dolce and Mr. Gabbana to haul their Italian booties here to New York. The designers will be back in New York for the first time in two years to celebrate the re-opening of their store at a private dinner tomorrow night. No, we weren't invited. [NYP]
  
• Say what you will about Sarah Jessica Parker, but at least she understands decorum. Of super low-rise jeans she says, "There is not going to be any inappropriate midriff showing, regardless of age," she says. "It's provocative in a way that I just don't feel comfortable with." Also? Kind of 5 years ago. [Daily Express]

• Prepare yourselves, people: Snowjoggers are the new Uggs. Just as ugly, and worn by Lohan too! [Independent]
• Stop the madness! Fashion houses are now hiring meteorologists as consultants to help them best predict the upcoming weather patterns and what kinda clothes folks are going to want to wear given the climate. Ridiculous? Or inspired? [NYT]
• The new apartment building in New York designed by Zac Posen's boyfriend is being shot by Elle international creative director Gilles Bensimon for an "advertorial" for Elle Decor. Follow? No? The lesson here is: It's all about who you're fucking. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Claire Danes walked as a model for Cynthia Rowley when she was 16. And waved to the other model going the opposite direction. Thank God this bitch isn't always so perfect! [Sassybella]
• Teen Vogue continues its strange dance between "art" and life as senior editor Kimball Hastings leaves the Condé Nast title to become the head of celebrity dressing for Polo Ralph Lauren. First: That's an actual job? Second: Apparently now Hastings himself is a "celebrity" because, uh, he's been on The Hills. [WWD, 1st item]
• The Wilhemina modeling agency is 40 years old! Mazel tov, models. [WWD, 5th item]
• Luxury markets? Not doing so well. Our guess? People are over expensive shit. [WWD, sub req'd]
• You've heard of a shaman — Rupert Sanderson is a shoe man. And when he sees a woman on the street in a pair of his handcrafted shoes, he has been known to "hurr[y] along behind her checking the balance and the line of the shoe, to see whether she [is] comfortable walking in them. [Then I] realise that I [am] getting a bit close though so I ha[ve] to cross the road in order not to appear like a stalker. But I got a better perspective on the shoes from the other side anyway." [Vogue UK]
• Burberry designer Christopher Bailey not only won Menswear Designer of the Year at the British Fashion Awards last week, but he also took home the Bambi Award for Fashion on Thursday and an honorary degree on Friday. All these people giving him accolades do know that he designs for Burberry, right? [Vogue UK]
• OMG cutest thing ever: A website where you can try to find your glove's lost mate! [Sassybella]

[Fashionista]

After a little sleuthing, we also found out that Jenna is a graduate of Los Angeles's exclusive Buckley School, where
she was a member of the Cheer Club and something called the "Red Army" which was supposedly about school spirit but sounds like a Communist front. So there you have it. Jenna Goldsmith, possible drug-addled Pinko, probably just as boring as Whitney but not as blonde.

Jenna's Intern Blog [Teen Vogue]

"My friend, "Audrey", if visiting from boarding school," it reads. "And when she's here, Things Happen.

Oh, and if you were wondering, Chloe, who is 16, wears skinny jeans, leopard print Tory Burch flats and a ruffled Juicy Couture peacoat while Audrey, who is 17, wears a Pucci-print tunic with Chanel boots.

"Audrey passed out on the beach, and a friend buried her up to her head. But then the tide came in! She woke up, and water was in her face. Audrey, you could've died!"

Audrey laughs. Chloe smiles and says, "Whatever, I've been worse. The drunkest I've ever been, I passed out in a cab, and I don't remember anything from that night. I think everything was fine but I just can't remember!

The girls flag down a waiter, who asks to see their IDs. Audrey shows her fake and Chloe says, authoritatively, "I just talked to your manager. He says we're fine." The waiter takes their order. It's their fourth drink of the night—they were at a pre-party earlier. "Girls can get away with anything," pronounces Chloe. Adds Audrey, "It's funny—we're both obsessed with the show Gossip Girl. "Seriously, we're the real-life Gossip Girls—but who really goes to the New York Palace Hotel to drink?"

• This week we learned about poor 13-year-old Megan Meier, who committed suicide after being harassed on myspace by pretty much the worst people on the planet masquerading as parents and members of a civilized society.
  
• Also, some other misguided teenagers posted pro-ana messages on Teen Vogue's website.
  
• You know who else is proud of themselves for not eating? Models! Shocker!
  
• Earlier, Kanye West's Kanye West's mom died and it made us all want to sob like little, tired children.
  
• Then an ass-faced rapist won Big Brother: Africa and it made us stabby.
  
• But look on the bright side! We'll always have adorable Project Runway hippie Elisa and her pooing fabric.
  
• And the comment that covers pretty much all the bases we missed award goes to some brand-new person named Durgalicious. Welcome! And get procrastinating!
  
• [Obligatory invitation to turn to binge drinking]

The only losers this year were teen titles, which almost universally lost ad revenue. The number of pages in Cosmogirl declined by 6.8%, while an Alpha Kitty-less Seventeen lost over 4%. Teen Vogue barely gained, posting a 0.9% increase from last year. Come on, Lauren and Heidi of The Hills, one of you clearly needs to get a D.U.I to give Teen Vogue a boost. Take one for the team!

Bigger And Bigger [WWD, sub. required]

lets get skinny!

Posted: Nov 13, 2007 9:23 PM

today i hade lemon zinger tea with one packet splenda 0 cal and water and took my meds...then during the day i just kept taking sips of hot tea to fil me up.... so far ive had o calories total!!! whooohooo...

To which poster BUH-bye added:

height:
5'7
weight:
120
I gained alot of weight over the summer. its disgusting.
I want to be 98

I also love the feeling of hunger. I feel so clean and light and empty.

Toledano seems to have changed his mind on the "young, hip" angle. "The brand has to stay exclusive," he says, and calls the latest collection (below) "elegant." (Agreed!) But this new exclusive, sophisticated shift comes with an insane price tag, both literal and figurative: Sales of bags costing more than $2,800 have tripled in recent months — won't the teenagers who adored Dior feel slighted and betrayed? And what about the rest of us, who can't even afford the Dior shit we love in Teen Vogue?

Dior's Latest Makeover Focuses On Grown-Ups [WSJ]

And finally, the story claims her photo was snapped by Fashionista at a party. This would make sense, since Fashionista and Teen Vogue do not exactly go to great lengths to distance themselves from one another, but when we texted Fashionista editor Faran Krentcil she claimed she had never done such a thing. It was only after we elaborated that she texted back to say "Oh, yeah, Teen Vogue intern..search Ilana" Right, Teen Vogue's new "It Girl"...

Related: Self-Professed 'Fashion Victim' Claims Rachel Zoe Copies All Her Ideas From 'Vogue' In The First Place [BryanBoy]
Earlier: Rachel Zoe And Teen Vogue: A Match Made In Purge-Atory

Whatever you look like, rest assured you will be dressed nicer than Moe.

Image via Splash News

Cosmopolitan
Apparel: $14,580.40 (Most expensive: $690 Behnaz Sarafpour skirt. Least expensive: tie between $39 Soulmates jacket, sweater from Express)
Beauty: $1,072.55 (Most expensive: $270 hairdryer. Least expensive: $3 Aussie gel spray)
Accessories: $11,937.69 (Most expensive: $675 Louis Vuitton shoes. Least expensive: $3 Forever 21 bangle)
Other: $46 (Most expensive: $30 vase from MoMA store. Least expensive: $16 Can candle)
Total Shit: $27,636.64

Teen Vogue
Apparel: $40,479 (Most expensive: tie between $1,995 Michael Kors sweater dress and same-price Chloe sweater. Least expensive: $8 Victoria's Secret Pink boy-shorts)
Beauty: $867 (Most expensive: $76 Stella McCartney 5 Benefits Moisturizing Cream. Least expensive: $5 Max Factor MaxEye Shadow)
Accessories: $28,457 (Most expensive: A.F. Vandevorst shawl, $1,795. Least expensive: $8 We Love Colors green tights)
Other: $4,655 (Most expensive: $1,299 Pierre Paulin Tulip chair by Artifort. Least expensive: $15 Fashionation mini stereo speakers)
Total Shit: $74,458

Earlier: Shameless September Ladymags: 'Lucky' Vs. 'Glamour'
Shameless September Ladymags: 'Elle' Vs. 'Vogue'

Which brings us to our real point! Lauren can't be bothered with newspapers or school — she's a budding mogul! Interning at Teen Vogue! Starring in The Hills! ("We have exciting lives, and it's L.A., and they can show how glamorous it can get.") Designing her own clothing line! ("[D]oing this line was the best education I've gotten. It's taken four months to get ready...") This girl is busy and we're ashamed. While we sit at home in our pajamas thinking that we're busting our asses trying to bring you a constant stream of analysis on Michelle Obama's womanly ways and Britney's vagina, we're actually slackers. At least compared to LC. Like, by this time she has already been on Regis and Kelly and done an interview about being on Regis and Kelly. You know how we said we wanted to hate Lauren Conrad? We just remembered: We actually do.

The Other Lauren [NY Observer]

This is a tiny sample, with hints rather than clues. The first impression is one of strong competence.

The 'm' form shows 'mountaintops' that signal a person who likes to gather information on her own.

Between the mountaintops is a distinct 'V' formation, the indication of a person who can deftly analyze matters and situations.

The connection between the A and the m is smooth and fluid. She can, if she chooses, express herself elegantly.

There may be a sign of personal initiative (where the first m-line heads downward and then breaks away upward). When an opportunity pops up, this writer will probably go after it without anyone else's OK or urging. The significant tent-like formation in the A and the m signals stubbornness. The writer will cling to what she believes in, right or wrong, long after she realizes that it's better to let loose.

• We always wondered why Rachel Zoe and Teen Vogue's self-promoting interns had never joined forces before. They're like the peanut butter and jelly of DANTE'S INFERNO, after all. Current intern Elana Fishman will pose in the gagazine's October issue as a model in a fashion spread. EWWWWWWWWW. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Dolce & Gabbana President Glenn McMahon is headed to St. John, where he'll be CEO. Now what we'd really like to see is what peroxidific St. John spokesexecutive Kelly Gray could do with Dolce. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Polo Ralph Lauren's stock dropped by 12% yesterday despite a rise in profits, maybe because of all the extra bad karma generated by those massive fucking logos. [WWD, sub req'd]

• The oil sheiks: Back in the lead for ownership of Barneys! Japan's Fast Retailing bowed out when the price reached $942 million in cash. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Italian label Acquascutum discovers that women mostly buy clothes and it should probably start catering to them. [Vogue UK]
• After much crusading, some senators — mostly representing blue states but also Orin Hatch — introduced a bill that would somehow protect fashion designers from "piracy." Embittered rant from Moe TK. [Fashion Week Daily]
• "Budget shopping": Dead in England? God, we hope not. [The Budget Fashionista]
• We don't care that Kate Moss is carrying it: We think the new Longchamp bag sorta looks like a Hefty bag masquerading as a purse. [FabSugar]

"See this wall? It was built to keep the mighty Mongolian steppe tribes from crossing the border into China and taking our jobs or our slaves or something. The government says we don't have to worry about Mongolians now that you can like barely see across the street because the smog is so thick. The Mongols would never know where they were going! But that's why we created pirated Photoshop. You can totes make the sky blue! We call it perpetuating natural standards of beauty. I totes do it in all my Myspace pix.

"Would I be able to play Pygmalion with Taylor Momsen ... ? Well S.B. didn't get off to a good start. A clothing rack of red-carpet regulars failed to capture Taylor's attention."I'm an individualist" she said dodging every de rigeur dress shape (sack, trapeze, bubble be damned!). Oh dear S.B. completely misjudged the situation. This was no Eliza Doolittle in need of Henry Higgins. "I have two favorite pairs of Miu Miu shoes—both with silver sparkles," she exclaimed. "I'm kind of out there." Then S.B. would go the distance. Several fittings and umpteen test Polaroids later, we had a winner: a draped Doo.Ri jersey dress. Never mind that Taylor hadn't heard of the New York-based designer before."

• Maybe it's the magazine's practice of prefacing the prices on all the featured clothes and accessories with the word "about." As in: "Melet Mercantile Vintage Jodhpurs, about $348" (page 161) or "Daryl K leggings, about $290." (page 163). You know, because if you have to ask how much, we're going to shove it in your face that we work at Teen Vogue."
  
• Perhaps it's the profiles of the "back to school" style-plans of Jeannie Casandra, 14, who tells the magazine she calls Anna Sui "aunt," and Katherine Drexler, 15, who really does call J. Crew CEO Mickey Drexler "dad"... which is why she has to buy clothes you can actually get at a mall?
  
• Or is it the profile of Teresa Missoni — who is introduced in the headline as a "third-generation Missoni" — because every twelve-year-old should understand the grave importance of what that implies?
  
• Could it be this sentence from the cover story on L.C. and Whitney from The Hills, the reality show about working at Teen Vogue: "Whitney's due to graduate from USC and is being considered for a spot on staff at Teen Vogue."
  
• Or perhaps it's this sentence: "It seemed to be the perfect storm of biological, social and emotional issues that led 23-year-old Cho Seung Hui to kill 32 students and faculty on the Virginia Tech campus."
  
• The magazine's rabid coverage of the Costume Institute Gala? Also: The word "gala"?
  
• Just go here.
  
• Agyness Deyn, page 184. Her fucking haircut, the spelling of her name, the fact that she was a real bitch when she showed up to our own Intern Maria's American Apparel branch in Brooklyn. We could go on.
  
• Quotes like this, from designer Marc Jacobs: "The scent is youth in a bottle: Heady, whimsical and fun." This would surely annoy us if it appeared in Vogue, but in a magazine FOR said youth, only make us want to drink said perfume.

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Though they were probably wearing them in the office a few years ahead of Kirsten Dunst and the staff of Teen Vogue.

It turns out your parents aren't kidding when they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day.... According to a study published in the September 2005 Journal of the American Dietetic Association, girls who didn't eat breakfast had a higher body mass index than those who regularly did.

Earlier: Teen Vogue Panelists Tell It Like It Is

At Teen Vogue, Gloria Baume, the fashion director and a self-professed neo-bohemian, observed: "The summer of love 2007 is very different from the original. On lower Broadway, young girls are wearing little corduroy or patchwork dresses mixed with modern elements: a piece of crystal, sandals in metallic or patent leather....'[H]ippie' mixed with patent leather. All of a sudden it all feels modern."

Memo to Ms. Baume (and others!): If you're thinking that hard about it, you're not really a hippie. If you want to match your patchouli to your YSL platforms, you're not really a hippie. And most importantly, if you put the word "ghetto" in front of the word "hippie," you are most certainly not at all — and never will be — a hippie. Because in the ghetto, there's no time for weaving daisy chains and burning incense. Also, we're pretty sure that in the real ghetto, they would pummel your pansy "urban hippie" ass. Consider yourself warned!
Another Summer of Love [NYT]
Earlier: Hello FoHo