I work in an ER in NYC and this month I have diagnosed at least 5 unplanned pregnancies and at least 4 cases of chlamydia (only one patient had both). These were in women aged 18-23. The common theme was no barrier use and no contraception use. Besides a complete lack of proper sex education, I also felt like there was a general ambivalence to STI's and pregnancy. I'm not sure if they weren't aware of options and never felt empowered to investigate or whether they ever proactive about planning for the future. I wonder if it isn't just sex ed that is lacking but good role models in terms of mentoring for future goals and plans.
The quality of sex ed programs varies wildly by geography but also along socio-economic lines. I was very fortunate to have a truly awesome sex ed teacher when I will in high school, but I know that I am in the minority. My teacher had previously taught in the South Bronx and she said that the students' misconceptions about birth control and STI protection were truly disturbing. For example, she said that every year, she had a number of students who thought that one could actually use Saran wrap in lieu of a condom (which were considered expensive and the school would not allow her to administer condoms to those who wanted them). As a result, that neighborhood has incredibly high rates of teen pregnancy and STI transmission.
@Tchotchke: My sex ed teacher told us that in an "emergency" saran wrap was better than nothing. Which it is. But it's still not an acceptable condom substitute
@madeofawesome: That's why I used the quote marks. Obviously you can always just not do it. But hey, kids are dumb, and horny, and rarely go with that option
@Tchotchke: It's easily ripped, and since it's not designed for the purpose you're obviously not going to get a seal around the bottom, but it IS non porous. I guess it'd work for blow jobs maybe? I do not know.
@colormeroutine: Oh ok, I had been told it is slightly porous but that's beside the point, obviously.
That is some of the worst sex ed advice I've ever heard. And from a teacher no less! How do these people get teaching jobs? Were people aghast that s/he said that, or did the students believe it? Could you imagine trying to give a blow job through Saran Wrap? I feel like that would be an excellent way to inadvertantly choke on it or asphyxiate yourself. Yeesh. It's the adult version of playing with dry cleaning bags! lol.
@Tchotchke: Yeah my school assigned sex ed duties to the gym teachers. I'm not really sure what the logic behind that was, but the result was a lot of terrible advice. I got into a fight with one one year because she told us that if we were "really worried, just double bag it" which got me worked up to the point that I had my mom, who is a nurse practitioner, call the school to complain and make her retract it to the class
I wonder what the rates are for people at all ages. I have friends in their 50's who don't use condoms because they think only "those" people have STI's. My friend who is 36 and book-smart didn't use a condom with 3 different strangers, all sketchy, and was surprised when she caught something. I just don't get it.
I was proud of my 13 year old niece, though, when she told me she knew you could get an infection from oral sex. I know plenty of adults who don't realize that.
@Pantra: My ex-boyfriend once got mad because an aids awareness campaign promoted the use of condoms for oral sex. He was convinced you couldn't catch it that way, and he's a biology student... I got pretty scared, to be honest.
Our sex ed is SO pathetic. Its really sad that we have to fight just to have our kids educated about sex, STIs and safety. In reality sex ed should do all of that as well as teach about healthy relationships, communication and (dare I say it) pleasure.
@professor_K: In my experience, the quality of sex-ed really varies geographically. My high school taught kids how to use condoms and about homosexuality. I have friends who went to schools where they couldn't even talk about contraception. It's a mixed bag, but there ARE places with good sex-ed programs.
@bess marvin, girl detective: It was a lot of stuff about debunking myths about AIDS as a gay man's disease, as well as talking about how homosexual relationships are healthy and normal.
You have to remember, this is a 16 year old audience, so things that might seem obvious to you aren't necessarily obvious to that audience.
I honestly think that when you go to register your kid for their first year of school, and the school gets your contact info, they should send out letters and emails every year and be like "Since the government won't let us talk to your children about sex, YOU need to talk to your children about sex. Here's what's age appropriate for your child."
@Triana Orpheus: The only problem with that is what is age appropriate now a days? My parents sure didn't think they needed to have the condom talk with me when I was in grade 9 but I can tell you a lot of the girls needed it. Instead, people figured 14 year olds can't possibly be having sex.
Just hearing how early kids are starting sexual activity or are progressing towards it is truly frightening these days. I mean do 11 year olds really need to be making out?
@Bar Belle: I think that it's going to ultimately be up to the parent to decide what is age appropriate. The letters should read as more of a reminder that "Heads up, your child may be having sex! Here's how to get the conversation started according to age range."
@Bar Belle: When I was 14, my mom talked to me about birth control and condoms. It was early enough for me, but would have been too late for plenty of my peers (and I guarantee their parents didn't know they were having sex, and thought it wasn't yet time to discuss contraception).
@Flackette Goes Retro: With my mom I always knew I had the option to ask any sex related question I wanted and she would answer as honestly as possible. I felt totally okay asking her about condoms and birth control.
However, some parents are in such denial. I realize it would be very hard as a mother/father to have the same talk with your 11 year-old. But I think that, honesty being the best policy, is the only way younger kids will be protected from STIs. Who knows, they may even come to realize that at 11 you aren't (in my opinion) emotionally ready to be having sex.
I live in Oz so our sex ed is more detailed as in the teachers tell you to use condoms. I work with teens 13-15, one day one of the girls comes to me asking about sexual health. She thought she had a STI I asked if she used protection and she said yes when its "time" turns out she would get her boyfriend to put on a condom when he thought he was going to Ejaculate. They were basically having sex unprotected until he felt as though he was going to ejaculate.
Now I know she recieved the same sex education I did and I know she was told to put the condom on before you put that penis anywhere near your parts. Somehow it was translated into "only when the boy is ejaculating". The worst part this was the general view of all her friends. It was a good thing most of them were on the pill too or there could have been serious damage.
@TakeADeepBreath: Oh God, me too. I know that we should be all for prevention and screening and education and all that, but at -14 I was scared out of my mind of doing anything more than kiss a boy, and I didn't know anyone my age who wasn't. I'm 23 now, and young teens seem even younger to me than they used to. It just kind of breaks my heart that this is something we need to worry about.
@TakeADeepBreath: I'm not sure what the parents really have to do with it. My husband is a ped, and he talks to his teen patients about sex when their parents are out of the room. If a kid reveals they're sexually active, they get an STI/safer sex talk and an STI screen.
@funnyface: I don't know, I used to lie to my doctor about all kinds of things - I was terrified that my mom would find out and didn't trust any adults to keep secrets.
Also, if you're 14 - I wonder how you get prescriptions without your parents knowing? (physically getting to the pharmacy/insurance claims and/or paying for the cost of pills). Does your husband have a system?
@alwayswrite: If you're 14, you don't get prescriptions without your parents knowing. It usually comes down to the teen having to tell the caretakers, or the caretakers knowing when they get their orders at the end of the visit. So yeah, I guess there are incentives to lie, for sure, and I'm not sure what can be done about that. I know that a big part of his sex talk involves telling kids that they need one adult they can trust to talk about these sorts of things with.
@alwayswrite: When I was in high school I got my birth control through Planned Parenthood. It was free and they gave it directly to me in the office I just had to go pick more up when I ran out. I never needed STI medication but they give that out there too
Of course, not everyone lives in places where they can get to a Planned Parenthood, in which case I guess it would depend on what type of insurance you have if you can get them without your parents knowing.
In my house, we have a big ballpit! Like at Chuck E. Cheese!! It's so fun and people love jumping in it, even though there are lots of snakes around. I thought about offering my friends snake protection suits when they come over, but I thought that would just encourage them to jump in the pit, which they really shouldn't be doing until they are much older.
So I've decided to turn all the lights off in the main hall! Out of sight, out of mind. I also prevented access to my snake suits, to prevent people from getting the wrong idea.
@KookyMonster: Our Title V money covers part of it, but I also accept donations from Focus on Family and the Ballpit Abstinence Advocacy Association (BAAA).
Seriously dudes, the minute I got my first Gardasil shot I was all "oooh, gotta go get me some teen sex!" and then my doctor reminded me that I was 26 and too old to have teen sex, which was rather disappointing. #hpvvaccine
Okay crazypants social conservatives, what if I bought your argument, despite this study, and my own common sense. Now, you only need to convince me why teen sex is worse than cancer. #hpvvaccine
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That is some of the worst sex ed advice I've ever heard. And from a teacher no less! How do these people get teaching jobs? Were people aghast that s/he said that, or did the students believe it? Could you imagine trying to give a blow job through Saran Wrap? I feel like that would be an excellent way to inadvertantly choke on it or asphyxiate yourself. Yeesh. It's the adult version of playing with dry cleaning bags! lol.
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I was proud of my 13 year old niece, though, when she told me she knew you could get an infection from oral sex. I know plenty of adults who don't realize that.
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You have to remember, this is a 16 year old audience, so things that might seem obvious to you aren't necessarily obvious to that audience.
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Just hearing how early kids are starting sexual activity or are progressing towards it is truly frightening these days. I mean do 11 year olds really need to be making out?
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However, some parents are in such denial. I realize it would be very hard as a mother/father to have the same talk with your 11 year-old. But I think that, honesty being the best policy, is the only way younger kids will be protected from STIs. Who knows, they may even come to realize that at 11 you aren't (in my opinion) emotionally ready to be having sex.
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Now I know she recieved the same sex education I did and I know she was told to put the condom on before you put that penis anywhere near your parts. Somehow it was translated into "only when the boy is ejaculating". The worst part this was the general view of all her friends. It was a good thing most of them were on the pill too or there could have been serious damage.
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This wont happen because so many parents are in denial or wont even talk about their child's sexual activity.
Although, its hard for me to come to terms with the fact that kids under the age of 15 need to go to the doctor for treatment or prevention of STI's.
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Also, if you're 14 - I wonder how you get prescriptions without your parents knowing? (physically getting to the pharmacy/insurance claims and/or paying for the cost of pills). Does your husband have a system?
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Of course, not everyone lives in places where they can get to a Planned Parenthood, in which case I guess it would depend on what type of insurance you have if you can get them without your parents knowing.
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So I've decided to turn all the lights off in the main hall! Out of sight, out of mind. I also prevented access to my snake suits, to prevent people from getting the wrong idea.
People keep falling in though. I don't get it.
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