• Hillary Clinton has not agreed to be Obama's Secretary of State even if she is officially offered it. [Politico]
• She has, however, been asked to head Ted Kennedy's health reform task force next year. [The Hill]
• Mr. Jowls will remain the Chairman of the Committee on Homeland Security. Jane Hamsher and others say, in so many words, fuck that guy. [Politico, Firedoglake, Politico]
• Chuck Norris might be able to defeat ninjas, cowboys and anyone who talks back, but what he's really, really scared of is boys who like to kiss other boys (we assume that, like most raging homophobes, he furiously masturbates to girl-on-girl porn). Chuck Norris, I have watched gay bear porn and survived with nary a scratch. I double dog dare you. [Queerty]

• In the mean time, Eric Holder appears poised to become this country's first African-American attorney general. Some people have their panties all in a bunch that he might or might not have had something to do with the 11th hour pardon of Marc Rich in the Clinton Administration. [Newsweek]
• Beau Biden, on the other hand, will not accept an appointment to his father's Senate seat and will likely deploy to Iraq as planned. [Washington Post]
• Less gracious is outgoing Representative Marilyn Musgrave (R-Colorado) who has yet to officially concede the race she lost in a landslide to Democrat Betsy Markey or thank her staff, but what would you expect from the woman who staked her legislative career on trying to pass a Constitutional amendment to forever prohibit same sex marriage? [Politico]
• Speaking of controversial pardons, apparently Ted Stevens wants one. [Politico]
• Republicans are trying to decide whether to try and trample people's rights in order to regain some semblance of political relevance, or whether they'd like to try doing stuff for the Real Americans they so desperately swear they represent. [Huffington Post]
• Chuck Hagel pretty much said that Rush Limbaugh can go fuck himself during a speech. I say that all the time, Chuck! Want to grab a drink and make fun of him sometime? [CNN]
• Diane Sawyer conducted her interview with Ashley Alexandra Dupre, originally famous for fucking former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer for money, who, if this picture is any guide, will heretofore be known for sneaking into Sarah Palin's tanning beds one too many times and stealing Jane Fonda's steez from 9 to 5. It's unclear whether she actually says anything to make the interview worth watching, but since she's probably not going to dish about whether Spitzer really tried to fuck her up the ass without a condom while wearing his socks and singing show tunes, I'm guessing not. Fine, I never really heard rumors of show tunes. [Huffington Post]

• Officials are confirming that Hillary Clinton met with Barack Obama in Chicago to talk about a potential Cabinet slot. Two "senior Democratic officials" confirmed to the Huffington Post that Clinton was offered Secretary of State and asked for time to consider it, but she didn't admit to anything at a press conference in Albany. [NY Times, Huffington Post]
• Barack Obama and John McCain are going to meet this weekend to talk about how they might be able to work together on something once Obama is President. It was arranged by Senator Lindsay Graham, McCain's Number One Fanboy. [Washington Post]
• Vermont Senator Pat Leahy became the one who broke the seal, announcing today that he's not going to support Connecticut Senator Joe "Turncoat" Lieberman's efforts to hold onto his committee chairmanship in the Democratic-controlled Senate since Lieberman isn't a Democrat, campaigned against the incoming Democratic President and endorsed a Republican. Glad someone has more of a spine than Harry Reid. [Washington Post]
• Speaking of backbones, thousands of people are expecting to protest the passage of Proposition 8 tomorrow, in California and around the country. [Huffington Post]

• Other things coming to Washington include: Barack Obama's favorite pizza in Chicago, which is not Chicago-style but is, I guarantee, better than all but about 5 pizza outlets in the D.C. Metro area. [Huffington Post]
• FDIC Chairwoman Sheila Bair (a contender for the Treasury Secretary slot in an Obama Administration, if the rumors are true) unveiled her $25 million plan to stop 1.5 million foreclosures next year by offering incentives to financial institutions to reduce homeowners' monthly payments. Current Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson reportedly hates the idea, preferring to spend the money buying stock in banks and encouraging addition lending, let alone that he doesn't want to have to cede 3.5 percent of his Congressional spending authority to a girl to, like, help struggling Real Americans instead of banks. [Washington Post]
• California Congressman Dan Lungen is planning on challenging Ohio Congressman John Boehner for House Minority Leader. I wonder if he knows the perma-tan isn't one of the perks? [CNN]
• Former Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele wants to take over the Republican National Committee. He faces a mass of other people that didn't have prime time speaking roles at the Republican National Convention. [Politico]
• McCain campaign manager Rick Davis took responsibility for not paying how much attention "a gal from New York" they hired to shop for Sarah Palin spent on her wardrobe since they didn't give her a budget or look at the bills. That only took until after your guy lost, dickwad. Nice timing. [CNN]
• Outgoing corrupt Republican Congressman Rick Renzi of Arizona (who will be replaced by Democrat Ann Kirkpatrick) will face racketeering and other new charges when he eventually goes to trial on being a corrupt bastard. [Huffington Post]
• Renzi's colleague-in-corruption Alaska Senator Ted Stevens has fallen behind in his bid to win re-election to the Senate seat he'd be forced from once he had to report to the clink. [LA Times]
• Joe The Motherfucking Plumber has a motherfucking book deal. I, on the other hand, do not. I can ask stupid questions! I swear! Call me, publishers? [Huffington Post]

MEGAN: Hey, Spencer, long time, no see!

SPENCER: So when last we met, you were on your way to the Planned Parenthood party, where I suddenly opted not to pretend to be the guest-listed Adam Conner from Facebook. Speaking of Adam, I see he Twittered last night that he was at the Rock The Vote thing just in time to miss N.E.R.D. but catch Fall Out Boy. There is simply no way Planned Parenthood could have been worse than that.

MEGAN: Let us just say that when I did get in, the DJ decided to play Poison, which is great if it's late and everyone's drunk and happy, but it wasn't that late and I wasn't that drunk. I did get free condoms though. I snagged Jason Linkins' for you since he's married. The package says "Protect yourself from John McCain (in this election)." It's like he's a venereal disease!

SPENCER: When we at FDL thought we couldn't get in to the PPFA party, Jane Hamsher hatched a plan where she would promise to get me in by saying I knocked her up and was super-supportive during the abortion. Yes, during.

MEGAN: Dude, I don't think the girl with the list would've cared. She was harsh, for real. I saw her neg three guys from the Washington Post for being "only bloggers."

SPENCER: And yeah I have a bunch of those McCondoms. They handed them out to me at the Red Rocks Amphitheatre and I thought at first that they were either a) emblazoned with McCain on the shaft of your cock or b) for use on McCain.

MEGAN: I feel like novelty condoms with things written on them get as much use as light up vibrators.

SPENCER: Speaking of other things you wrote that I liked, good livebloggery last night. A lot less pissed off than mine. I thought Michelle was fantastic, but there's a really ugly undercurrent to her speech/bio/video.

MEGAN: My ass stayed cold for a good 30 minutes after I finally stood up, stupid concrete floor!

SPENCER:

Her brother Craig is introducing her. It’s a disgrace that this country has to be taught not to fear an accomplished African-American woman.

If i may quote myself...

MEGAN: Actually, that's totally true, so quote away. I mean, it was so cute last night with the kids that my uterus ached a little when Malia was all "I love you Daddy!" but then I ignored it. And drank.

SPENCER: That's the Planned Parenthood way!

MEGAN: I know! I was the perfect audience! But give me the scoop on Kennedy's speech, as I was stuck in the security line from hell.

SPENCER: I got really maudlin about it. He came out of the gate bounding to the podium, pumping his fist, conjuring up that old Kennedy-family vig-ahhh. Proceeded to speak for 7 minutes, frail but defiant, about redeeming the dream: health care, education, anti-poverty, liberal internationalism. The big closing flourish was "The Dream Lives On" in Barack Obama, a beautiful reference both to MLK and to Teddy's famous "The dream shall never die" speech from the 1980 convention. But WTF we can't be done talking about Michelle.

MEGAN: Sorry, I'm just still regretting missing it! It's not the same on TV. Okay, let me admit here that, from my vantage point, all I saw was the rear view of Michelle. And someone who I will allow to remain anonymous said, "Was her dress any less matronly from behind? Because how am I supposed to fantasize about her tonight?" And I was forced to admit that her ass looked amazing.

SPENCER: Please tell me that there were white girls next to you like, "Oh. My. God. Becky. Her butt is so. big." Speaking as a white person, do you fear Michelle Obama less now? Did the speech work on you?

MEGAN: God, I wish someone had thought of that. Unfortunately, I already loved Michelle Obama. I loved her when she was making fun of Obama for his morning breath and giving Ann Romney the infamous "Bitch, please" look at the wives' forum. So, I wanted her to be that Michelle. This one was fine, and I understand why she had to be this one, but I miss the other one.

SPENCER: Megan I am trying to have a serious discussion with you about race in America.

MEGAN: Oh, sorry. It's early.

SPENCER: Look, we still live in fucking Nixonland here. Operation Rescue's Randall Terry is handing out flyers in Denver talking about solutions to "the Negro Problem". There's a grace and a power to how conspicuously inclusive Michelle Obama's speech was, and how Barack Obama's candidacy is, but the frustration must be overwhelming. If it was me, I'd be in a clocktower opening fire, saving only the last bullet for myself. But that's my white privilege talking. She has to say that she loves America?

MEGAN: Honestly, by the end of it, I was like, Chicago! Hope! Change! Drink! But it was a little depressing that she had to be like, I have parents and I grew up like you, America, and married an awesome guy who loves me in order to help him get electred.

SPENCER: andBegorrah has it right: "Yes, but has she ever been a prisoner of war?? HAS SHE??!??!"

MEGAN: Well, luckily, neither has Cindy McCain!

SPENCER: That should be the theme of each day of the convention: Chicago (Michelle). Hope (Mark Warner). Change (Biden). Drink (Barack, with a Springsteen chaser).