But first: Have you ever been convinced that technology from Europe will make you more beautiful? I haven't. But for some reason beauty companies think women will fall for that shit.

The instant facelift ones are the worst, because they really prey on the aging, as if there's anything you can do about aging. And Sarah's right: If you had money, you'd get surgery, but you don't! So you waste it on stuff that will never work. Sigh.

By the by: I saw this Rejuvenique commercial one night AND COULD NOT SLEEP FOR THREE YEARS AFTERWARD.

Kidding. Sort of. Anyway, Sarah Haskins was asked about all the crazy crap that's marketed toward women. She says:

A lot of people ask me like, how can marketing to women be better? And my default answer is, I don't want it to better, this is my job.

But seriously folks!
She also explains:

I think the big problem, though, stemmed from the fact that everything is - the products are very clearly divided into genders, either because of something with our gender roles, like laundry, or maybe, you know, they find the angle being weight loss, and that's a lady thing, so that goes to yogurt. I mean, that's what the yogurt ads are about, weight loss and, like, regularity.

And:

I was an American studies major in college and we learned about the cult of true womanhood, which was sort of what women were told in the media in like the turn of the century in the Victorian era at that time, which emphasized this piety and purity and submission and domesticity, and how the women sort of control the hearth. And from that, you know, they control the home. And I think the legacy of that has not changed. It's still with us in the media and we've just added to it. Certainly a lot of women's products are still like, do it for your man.

And now I think what's been added to it in a modern mix is this all sense of like, fem-powerment - like you go, girl. You are jogging, you know? And that shouldn't be our prime goal: jogging and going to yoga class without having cramps.

She also admits she likes the Geico commercial where a cash stack with little eyeballs sings to you. It's a gender-neutral idea! But, she says: "I don't think anything — when it's going after women particularly, in trying to frame them in a certain way to make you buy the product — is really going to not be ridiculous in some way." And the proof is in the Target: Women pudding.

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Beauty Contraptions [Current]
Why Marketers Are Wooing Women All Wrong [NPR]

Earlier: All Sarah Haskins posts
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

The 2LoveMyLips gloss is available in five different "seductive" colors. On the website, the product is described as "sasy (sic) zestful two-in-one lip plumping breath freshening lip gloss, cleverly packaged to include a drink spike detector testing kit!" Tracy Whittaker, managing director of 2LoveMy, says that the date rape kit is easy to use and requires only a single drop of the suspicious drink. "If they turn blue tell your friends immediately and get help from security and the police," she said.

The website describes the design more fully. It seems like the gloss is not actually attached to the drug testing strip, but instead comes with a separate card inside the box. In their mission statement, 2LoveMy explains:

Our primary goal is to promote 2 LOVE MY LIPS as a fashionable brand with a distinctive logo that is easily recognisable to women within our target age group of 16 to 50.

2 LOVE MY LIPS aims to bring safety and beauty to the finger tips of women of all ages. A revolutionary female concept, where women's beauty and safety blend together so transparently that the customer buys beauty and acquires safety almost subliminally.

Something about this rubs me the wrong way. It is great that they want to help women avoid creepy rapist assholes, but it seems a little odd that this is marketed as the merger of beauty and safety. Whittaker says she hopes to sell the gloss in vending machines and bar toilets, the very places, Cosmetics Design notes, that women will need it most. This just seems like an obnoxious way to sell their lip gloss to scared women, who are forced to buy their pricey ($16 plus tax!) product when what they really want is a way to tell whether or not they are in immediate physical danger. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but given all the restrictions stated on their website (you cannot use the test with wine, most fruit juices, and the test does not detect Rohypnol), it may just give women a false sense of safety while promoting sales of yet another beauty product we don't really need. In fact, the best thing about 2LoveMyLips is a paragraph on the company's website that advises women to buy their own drinks, throw out any beverages that have been left unattended, and trust their own instincts. But if we do all that, what's the use of the lip gloss?

Date Rape-Preventing Lip Gloss Debuts [Cosmetics Design]
2LoveMyLips [Official Site]

Burgers, cable, deodorant, hair dye… The ad agencies pitch these products to men with the promise of hot chicks, even if that premise is preposterous. Do dudes really think that if they order mini-burgers, a gaggle of gals will instantly appear? Probably not. But "sex sells" is the oldest trick in the book, especially for badvertising.

Sarah Haskins in Target Women How to Get Hot Chicks [Current]

Earlier: All Sarah Haskins posts
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Haskins says it's all about the "Mom-amorphasis."

Tracie's take? That her career has come full circle.

It is curious that Brooke has gone from Pretty Baby to talking about her babies, and that all kinds of companies (teeth whitening! Volkswagen!) think that she is uniquely qualified to reach out to American women. Is there something that makes her seem trustworthy? Likable? Is it because she's been in the business for such a long time? Maybe since we're used to seeing her face, we feel like we know her. She couldn't possibly lie to us — not about eyelash growth!

Target Women: Brooke Shields [Current]
Related: Why Is Brooke Shields In Every Commercial?

Earlier: All Sarah Haskins Posts
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

The answer? Of course not! Haskins breaks down the onslaught of coverage, in the clip below.

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Oscar Ex-Plosion [Current]
Earlier: Sarah Haskins Calls Out Jez Commenters
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins
Sarah Haskins Worries That Ann Curry's Life Is In Danger
New Year, New You: Sarah Haskins Teaches You How To Diet
Sarah Haskins Wishes You Happy Period Control
Sarah Haskins Targets The View
Sarah Haskins Has A Problem With Marketing Family Meals To Moms
Brides, Botox & Yogurt: Sarah Haskins Targets Those Who Target Women

"Why would you want to kill such a nice lady?" Haskins asks. Maybe because Ann Curry drives people insane? Kidding! There is no answer. Or, if there is an answer, it involves Meredith Vieira. Clip below.





Target: Ann Curry [Current TV]
Earlier: It's Official: The Today Show Is Making Me Crazy
New Year, New You: Sarah Haskins Teaches You How To Diet
Sarah Haskins Wishes You Happy Period Control
Car Commercials Drive Sarah Haskins Crazy
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Yes, the airwaves are full of helpful information on weight loss… even elephants are slimming down! Swap your Hot Pocket for a Lean Hot Pocket and check out the clip, below.

Plus! What did we learn in 2008? According to Sarah Haskins, women will dance for anything: Shoe insoles! Detergent! Chicken! Plus, we laugh so hard, sometimes we pee in our pants. Literally. Bladder leak alert! All this and more, in a bonus episode of Target: Women, below.

Target Women: Diets [Current]
Sarah Haskins Reviews 2008! [The F Word]

Earlier: Sarah Haskins Wishes You Happy Period Control
Sarah Haskins Has A Problem With Marketing Family Meals To Moms
Car Commercials Drive Sarah Haskins Crazy
Sarah Haskins Is A Sucker For RomComs
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Target Women: Cars [Current TV]
Earlier: Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Target Women: The View [Current]
Earlier: Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Target Women: Number Two [Current]
Earlier: Pooping: The New Hot Shit

Target Women: Chick Flicks [Current]
Sarah Haskins On Chick Flicks [Salon]

Earlier: Sarah Haskins Has A Problem With Marketing Family Meals To Moms
Brides, Botox & Yogurt: Sarah Haskins Targets Those Who Target Women

Target Women: Feeding Your F—-ing Family [Current]
Earlier: Brides, Botox & Yogurt: Sarah Haskins Targets Those Who Target Women