The career resuscitating Playboy issue has been done several times before, yet in Reid's case there seems to be something extra sad about it, as she's spent the better part of the past 10 years reconstructing her body after botched plastic surgeries and claims the shoot is her attempt to prove to the public that she's "got it fixed and now I'm OK, and I want people to know that I'm OK. I've been OK now for the last five or six years but people only show old pictures which is so unfair and that's part of the reason why I did the Playboy shoot – to show the world this is me and this is what I look like."

It's not surprising when Hollywood chews up young starlets and spits them out once they can't fit the mold of "hot girl" anymore, but it's still a bit depressing to watch the Tara Reids of the world fall to the pressures of the Hollywood beauty machine, with a topless spread in Playboy viewed as the only way to "prove" their bodies have been "fixed" and are once again ready for public consumption. It is understandable that Reid is upset that pictures of her botched surgeries are going around the internet, but there's something very "see? I'm perfect again! You can love me!" about the whole thing. It's not that Reid was ever a truly great actress, but it's a still a bit sad that her career has devolved to the point where her connection with the general public revolves around whether or not she looks good in without her shirt on, though that seems to be the case for many a struggling starlet who winds up on the cover of Playboy.

However, Reid claims she's in a good place, "spiritually, physically, and mentally," and after the ten years she's had, I hope that's true. And in fairness, the saddest part of the cover is the "Why We Love The 60s!" cover line. Let it go, Hef.

Tara Reid's Playboy Cover [ONTD]
Reid: Time Was Right For Playboy Shoot [IrelandOnline]

• According to documents filed by the FBI and U.S. Attorney's office today, an acquaintance of Cindy Crawford's former nanny threatened to sell a picture of her 7-year-old daughter bound to a chair in revealing clothing.

• Cindy Crawford's rep has issued a statement saying she and her husband Rande Gerber had no knowledge of the photo and that it was taken as part of a game. [Radar Online]
• As you'll recall, Michael Lohan just released a tape in which Dina Lohan talks about Lindsay Lohan cutting herself. The tape is from last year, but Radar Online found pictures of Lindsay with new cuts on her arms from this summer. [Radar Online]
• Before running out of Crown Bar on Thursday to cry in an alley, Lindsay Lohan ordered a bottle of champagne but when she was given the bill, "Lindsay pointed over at Kellan Lutz and told the waitress just to charge his card," said a source. [Fox News]
• Someone pulled the fire alarm at Dorchester in London in the middle of the night yesterday, forcing Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner to stand out on the street. [E!]
• "If I was friends with Bella I'd be like, 'Please make life easier and date Jacob,'" said Kristen Stewart. [People]
• Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke has confirmed that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are dating — sort of. "After I cast him, I told Rob, Don't even think about having a romance with her. She's under 18. You will be arrested," she said. Though she "didn't have a camera in the hotel room" while they were shooting Twilight, "In terms of what Kristen told me directly, it didn't happen on the first movie. Nothing crossed the line while on the first film... I think it took a long time for Kristen to realize, O.K., I've got to give this a go and really try to be with this person." [Radar Online]
• Balloon Dad Richard Heene has surrendered himself to authorities. You can check out his mug shot here: [Radar Online]
• Though Donald Trump denies Carrie Prejean's accusation that he rated Miss USA contestants back stage, audio has surfaced of him implementing "The Trump Rule," in which he and his staff select the women who will automatically make it past the first round. [TMZ]
• Carrie Prejean pulled out of a talk she was supposed to give today at the Capitol Hill Club in Washington, D.C. because she didn't want to be asked about the new allegation that she was actually 20, not underage, in her sex tape. [TMZ]
• Miss California USA pageant director Keith Lewis says, "The public is finally getting a glimpse of the real Carrie Prejean who lives in her own delusional world. The childish behavior, her negative attitude, the sarcasm and condescending tone, the disrespect and continual lying she is demonstrating now is only a fraction of what we endured during her reign and after... I sincerely hope she is able to get the psychological help I believe she has shown to clearly need." [TMZ]
• Many fans are selling their tickets to Britney Spears' upcoming Melbourne and Sydney shows because they're distraught over her Australian lip synching scandal. [News.com.au]
• Britney Spears worships Satan and is hoping the "new world order" will arrive soon... or her Twitter account was hacked. [TMZ]
• This was bound to happen eventually: Levi Johnston is reaching out to Jon Gosselin saying, "He's a good guy... He's kind of in the same situation I am right now. He's a good dad and he gets a lot of bad press. He's getting the same bad image as I am and it ain't true. I can relate to that." [People]
• When asked about the size of his penis Levi Johnston said, "A lot of people ask that, but you're just going to have to wait until next week when the magazine comes out. You will have to wait and see. I'm sorry, you're going to have to." [N.Y. Magazine]
• In the video at the link Chris Brown is posing with fans at Footaction in New York when a woman in the crowd screams, "fucking beater" and "I hope someone beats the fucking crap out of you." Chris smiles and walks past her, but one of his fans yells "Smack that bitch up." [TMZ]
• Rihanna says the new music video, which will be released tomorrow, is "kind of twisted but it's going to make people think. There's a great message and story behind it. 'Russian Roulette' is all about a fear, whether it be fear of love or a fear of getting hurt, whether it be emotionally or physically." [The Mirror]
• Nicole Forrester, the stripper who claims she slept with Josh Duhamel, has apologized to Fergie. "I thought, 'Nobody's gonna find out. It's not gonna hurt anybody," she says "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't think of it at the time like I think of it now." [Extra]
• Fergie's mom, Terri Jackson, defended Josh Duhamel saying, "My daughter's life is amazing and Josh is a great guy - that story is bullshit as far as I'm concerned... It was totally ridiculous and absurd and I'm confident their marriage will weather the media storm." [Radar Online]
• Two of Nicholas Cage's New Orleans homes were auctioned today because he didn't pay the mortgages. [TMZ]
• Joe Perry says he doesn't consider Steven Tyler a part of Aerosmith anymore even though he sang with the band on Tuesday. "[Tyler] wants to take two years off from the band. The rest of the band wants to keep on working. We have so many different options to fill up that time. Anything is possible at this point," said Perry. [Contact Music]
• Tara Reid has been wearing a new pink diamond ring. She says, "I got a beautiful ring from my boyfriend for my birthday last weekend, but we're not engaged ... yet!" [People]
• Extra claims Joe Torre said Kate Hudson is "relaxing" A-Rod, but all he said was, "Somebody is relaxing him, that's all I can say, because he certainly looked like he enjoyed himself this year." [Extra]
• Leona Lewis says she's getting over being attacked by a fan because, "I'm from Hackney, so I'm hard - I'm not going to let something like that bother me." She added, "When you grow up where I did you learn to move on. There was always some kind of craziness going on in my neighborhood. The boys were always fighting each other and there was loads of street crime. I know how to look after myself." [The Mirror]
• George Hamilton has joined the cast of the UK version of I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!" [AFP]
• Check out spoilers for Big Bang Theory, Grey's Anatomy, Glee, and a slew of other network shows here: [Entertainment Weekly]
• Stephanie Pratt says her recent DUI arrest was, "The worst thing to happen to me and, at the same time, it was the biggest blessing. I learned to not fall apart, which is something that I usually do when something goes bad in my life. I learned that it is all about temptation and that I am being tested." [People]
• Court officials in Arizona say Mike Tyson punching a paparazzo at LAX yesterday may have been a violation of his probation. If it's found that he broke the law he could do 2.5 years in prison. [TMZ]
• This Is It has taken in more than $200 million worldwide in the past two weeks. [Reuters]
• John Branca and John McClain have been named the executors of Michael Jackson's estate. [TMZ]
• Listen to Lady Gaga and Beyonce's Video Phone here: [Perez Hilton]
• Robert De Niro says he's glad it took him a little while to become famous. "I think it's important to have had at least a few years of obscurity, where people treat you like everybody else," he says. "Then it goes crazy, and all of a sudden people behave differently toward you, they're agreeing with you all the time, they're not telling you no." [Parade]
• Elizabeth Hurley has a new diet trick: "I don't miss having a glass of wine because I've switched to vodka," said the hawt momma. "I don't really like vodka that much but if I'm at a party I have a small one with a lot of fizzy water and a huge squeeze of lime. Initially it's like medicine but I've got used to it now." [Perez Hilton]
• James Franco's "frequent artistic collaborator" Carter is behind his guest appearance on General Hospital. "It's for several different things," says carter. "It was an idea that I posed to him, and it's tied to another film that he and I are working on now. It's not specifically for another project, because I know that he's really enjoying the challenge of working on a soap - it's a very taxing job, and an interesting thing for him to be doing - but it does have to do with another film that he and I are working on." [Movieline]

• Lindsay Lohan is speaking out about her dad. "I hate him so much," she told Gossip Cop. And:

"My father knows nothing other than how to sell stories for money instead of getting a real job like normal people do, including myself." [MSNBC via Gossip Cop]

• Dina Lohan called TMZ last night and said that Michael Lohan releasing these old phone conversations is "so hurtful" and that for him to use a moment of weakness of his own child is "inconceivable." She also said that all of the calls were before Lindsay went to Cirque Lodge for rehab, and that Lindsay thinks that the whole situation is sad. Dina pointed out that she was a victim of domestic abuse when she was married to Michael, and for her to see him hurting her daughter is "unforgivable." [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, there's new phone recording audio on Radar, courtesy of Michael Lohan. Dina says of Lindsay: "Time is running out with this kid." [Radar Online]
• For the love of blond. WHY? Why is Al Roker going to interview Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt again? As you may recall, Al talked to the two in June — video here — and afterward, Heidi accused him of sexism, when really he was treating them BOTH as vacuous nincompoops. Because they are. Gah. [Us]
• Lou Dobbs quit CNN abruptly last night. [NY Post]
• The Perry-Brands — Katy and Russell — have "secretly" recorded a duet of Edward Lear's 1871 poem The Owl And The Pussycat. Russell's part goes, "'Oh lovely Pussy! Oh Pussy my love, what a beautiful Pussy you are." A "source" says: "They often use the nicknames Owl and Pussycat. Russell is 'Owl' because he's wise and, well, it's fairly obvious that Katy's a sex kitten, isn't it?" [The Sun]
• Carrie Prejean was on Larry King Live last night, and when Larry King asked about her settlement with Miss California USA, she unplugged her mic and threatened to walk off the show. Her haughty self-righteousness makes me want to scream. [TMZ]
• Carrie Prejean's ex-boyfriend says that she called him last week and tried to get him to lie and say she was 17 when she shot her "solo sex tape." Maybe she was hoping it wouldn't get released if she was a minor? In any case, she was 20 when the footage was shot. [TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin is accusing TLC of violating child labor laws. He also claims that during filming, TLC wouldn't let him take pictures at home… meaning he "could not photograph or record his own family moments and hallmark events in his family's life." [Radar Online]
• Tara Reid has a German internet entrepreneur/billionaire boyfriend, to whom she may or may not be engaged. She is currently wearing a "massive" pink diamond ring and "was overheard" talking about her engagement. The ring is here, and it is indeed a whopper. [Daily telegraph, via E!]
• Mike Tyson has been detained on suspicion of battery after an incident and LAX — involving paparazzi. Few details at the moment, stay tuned. [USA Today]
• Oh wait here we go: Mike Tyson and a photographer made citizen's arrests of one another! The snapper was taking his picture in the terminal, and Mike allegedly punched the guy in the face with one hand, knocking him to the ground. The photographer suffered a laceration to the forehead and went to the hospital; Mike was booked at a nearby LAPD station and then released. He'd been traveling with his wife and 10-month-old baby. His rep says: "Mr. Tyson did absolutely nothing wrong, he was the victim in this case." [People]
• Susan Boyle has a stalker, "a middle-aged American woman who has become obsessed with her." Or maybe she dreamed a dream? [The Sun]
• Taylor Swift was named the Country Music Awards entertainer of the year and won all four awards for which she was nominated. [NY Daily News]
• Meryl Streep to a 9-year-old reporter: "That's the most sophisticated question that anyone in this entire press line has asked me. Really, really good." [Page Six]
• If you are interested in stalking Jared Leto, this list of his favorite places in New York should make the job a lot easier. [BlackBook]
• Ron Livingston and Rosemarie DeWitt were married November 2 in San Francisco. [People]
• Ashley Jensen, aka Christina on Ugly Betty, Maggie on Extras and Olivia on Accidentally On Purpose, has given birth to a son, Francis Jonathan Beesley — whose nickname is "Frankie Jack." [People]
• Eddie Murphy has had a long-term effect on ad agency diversity, and this piece explains how. It's kind of awesome. [Ad Age]
• Back in June, Gene Simmons said that coming out would ruin Adam Lambert's career; now Glambert is calling Gene "obnoxious" and a "hypocrite," adding "He's not the greatest singer. He's a good businessman, I'll give him that." [Gatecrasher via Rolling Stone]
• Joss Whedon's Dollhouse: Cancelled. [NY Daily News]
• Jay Leno's new show has "limp" ratings; David Letterman's ratings remain strong despite his scandal. [NY Daily News]
• The late Dominick Dunne outs himself in his autobiographical novel, which comes out December 15. The main character is "deep in the closet." Earlier this year, Dunne told the Times of London: "I call myself a closeted bisexual celibate… That's just the way I am. At 83, it's too late to start on a new path." [Page Six]
• Rumor has it Marc Christian, the lover of Hollywood icon Rock Hudson, has died of a drug overdose. More info to come, hopefully. [Michael Musto]
• "My grandmother once told me, you should be honest with your kids, but you don't bare your soul to them." — Jon Gosselin. [NY Post]
• "I used to drink an awful lot of coffee, but I was told after the age of 40 you have to be careful with coffee and wine. Apparently, that can be one of the reasons older women get bloated around their stomach… I don't miss having a glass of wine because I've switched to vodka. I don't really like vodka that much but if I'm at a party I have a small one with a lot of fizzy water and a huge squeeze of lime. Initially it's like medicine but I've got used to it now." — Liz Hurley. [Daily Mail]
• "I always said in my life that when it doesn't feel joyous any more, then it will be time to quit. But the joy is getting better and better." — Clarence Clemons, 67, who still tours with Bruce Springsteen and the E street band, though both knees have been replaced and he spent a long time in a wheelchair. He also says: "I'll be 70 years old in a couple of years. I don't know how much energy I'll have left. That energy, I want to spend with my family. [But] I really believe that this is something that is going to go on forever. When I say `retiring,' I don't mean `stop playing music.'" [AP]
• "At school when a teacher asked me a question I would almost pass out. I was terrible and I still can be. It overwhelms me. I can be having dinner with people and I find I can't say a word. So being an actress is kind of masochistic." — French bombshell Eva Green is super shy and hates being the center of attention. [Daily Express]
• "I was at a movie and a woman was whispering to a man the entire time what was going on-like 'Oh, he's walking through the door now, look, he's doing this, he's doing that.' And I got so mad that as they were rolling credits, I turned around and said, 'Thank you for the ongoing commentary.' And the guy said, 'I'm blind!' and I said, 'Well, then, sit in the back.' My friend who I was with was mortified. I don't know where that came from — my Sue Sylvester came streaming out. I'm telling a blind woman she can't sit up here with the rest of us who can see." — Jane Lynch. [Double X]
• "Everybody bitches about everything." — Stephen King, on the Internet. [Page Six]

• Avril Lavigne has officially filed for divorce from Sum 41's Deryck Whibley.

They were married 3 years and 1 month, and Avril cites "irreconcilable differences." She also doesn't want to have to pay him any money. If he does want spousal support, she'll be forced to ask, "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?" [TMZ]

• Interesting: The guy arrested for allegedly burglarizing Lindsay Lohan's house, Nick Prugo, is friends with Teen Dream Drake Bell. [TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin would like for you to know that he will "continue on television" and that he's "not worried about future employment." Great. [NY Daily News]
• Alex Rodriguez flew from New York to Miami for one night to "wine and dine" Kate Hudson, who was in South Beach. Romantic! Oh but A-Rod's ex-wife, Cynthia, and their two daughters live in Miami, and Alex also wanted to see his kids. Romantic? [Page Six]
• "Leona Lewis hit in the face by maniac who then screamed ‘I love you.'" Don't get it. [Mirror]
• Apparently the guy was at the bookstore event where Leona Lewis was signing autographs for 90 minutes. A witness says the man walked up with the book, she signed it, and as she looked up he punched her. People could hear the impact. Then security jumped on the man — who was laughing — and Leona was hustled out with her hand over her eye. Leona says she is "ok." [BBC News]
• Taylor Swift will host Saturday Night Live next month. Will there be a Kanye West sketch? Taylor says: "I've been thinking about skit ideas for a long time. There are definitely some hilarious things that have happened to me over the past couple of months that I think will be pretty substantial skits." The problem is that SNL needs more black people. Keenan would not make a good Kanye. Or Beyoncé, frankly. [AP]
• Love love love this 10 Questions With Tracy Morgan column. When asked, "What are the cast members for 30 Rock like to work with? Tracy answers: "I don't know what they do when they're at home. Tina - she's a mother and a wife. We don't hang out. But at 30 Rock, everybody pretty much gets along. Jack McBrayer, we're very close, and it was an honor to be nominated [for an Emmy] in the same category with him. If he would've won, that means we would've won. If I would've won, that means I would've won. I'm not sharing my award with nobody." Also, his healthcare advice is interesting. [Time]
• Kanye West is "thankful" that a law was named after his mother. The measure will protect people from "unnecessary bodily trauma" that could result from elective cosmetic surgery procedures, if they are not physically fit to undergo surgery. [Radar Online]
• As you may recall, Fox NFL Sunday showed a skit mocking Jessica Simpson's weight. Now Fox says: "Burger King Corp. did not have any editorial input in the creation of the animation that ran last Sunday, and no one from Burger King Corp. approved it before it aired. Upon reflection, our poor attempt at humor was insensitive and we deeply apologize to anyone who might have been offended." [Us Magazine]
• The shitty sound of this dumb video of John Mayer partying in a gay bar nearly blew out my speakers, so beware. [ Radar Online]
• "Howard K. Stern helped Anna Nicole Smith crush, cook, inject Valium, ex-bodyguard testifies." [NY Daily News]
• Maria Shriver has issued an apology for illegally using her cell phone while driving and will donate her favorite old cell phone to the HopeLine program that helps domestic violence shelters. [TMZ]
• Will the editors really choose to put Tara Reid on the December cover of Playboy instead of Kelly Bensimon? [Fox News Pop Tarts]
• Michael Jackson's This Is It is selling out all over the world. [NY Daily News]
• Ew, Mariah Carey calls Nick Cannon "DJ Sex Fingers." As the kids say: Vom. [Page Six]
• "Spike Jonze had ex-girlfriend Karen O of Yeah Yeah Yeahs record Where the Wild Things Are music." She says: "It's the best way to continue the relationship in a professional way." [Gatecrasher]
• Is Kids Incorporated to blame for Fergie's meth habit? She says: "What happens when you're a child professional is that you have to be, well, professional. You're taught not to have tantrums, to always people-please. That's part of how I got into (drugs) later." Hmm. [NY Post]
• So you know how Jimmy Kimmel's girlfriend Molly McNearney works for his show? "Staff members are said to troubled by the romance and the unfair promotions it's earned McNearney." [MSNBC via Radar and Gawker]
• In the David Letterman case, the prosecutor wants to keep search warrants sealed and for a hearing to take place behind closed doors. [E!, AP]
• It's CBS vs. CBS in the David Letterman investigation. [NY Post]
• "Stephen Gately smoked cannabis on the night of his death." [Telegraph]
• Jodie Foster, Mel Gibson and Mel Gibson's beaver were hanging out in a high school in White Plains. [Page Six]
• Jeremy London (Mallrats, Party Of Five) may default on his mortgage unless he pays $12,856.81. [TMZ]
• Andrew Keegan was accused of abusing a former girlfriend, but a judge rejected the woman's request for a restraining order after hearing evidence. [TMZ]
• The Beckhams were named "best modern family" in a random online poll. [Mirror]
• "And I think for Letterman to get up there and say ‘I'm the innocent victim and I had some consensual sex'-and he actually said some interesting things: He used the word ‘creepy'-well, the last time I tried it, consensual sex wasn't creepy." — defense attorney Gerald Shargel, who has represented John Gotti. [The Daily Beast]
• "If I see Brody Jenner, he is dead… [He] has the smallest penis I have ever seen." — Always classy Joe Francis, who apparently has experience with seeing Brody naked? [Page Six]
• "I'm afraid it's because they are good. When [co-star and ex-wife] Connie and I wrote them we took about six weeks to write each episode, which is unheard of. People who care a lot spend 10 days, most people do it in a week. But the fact is, we used to write 135 to 140 pages (per episode) ... There was so much in the shows that people could watch them a lot of times because they would forget the things that are in them ... And secondly, in the character Basil we nailed a certain kind of English lower-middle-class type who people are aware of and who, I think, does exist in quite a lot of people." — John Cleese, on Fawlty Towers. [Reuters]
• "Just as what you are feeling in your life affects your acting, what you act in definitely affects what you are feeling in your life. And whether you want it to or not, and even if you don't know it, it bleeds into your life. I made 'Heat' when I was 14 and played a girl who died. A year later, I got into a fight with my mother and cut myself. I had never done it before and I never did it after that, but I think having my wrists bloody in a movie definitely affected my psyche." — Natalie Portman, whose film New York, I Love You starts Friday. [LA Times]
• "People have told me, 'You could just go out there and play guitar and sing your songs like Paul McCartney,' but I'd be too bored. Most of the joy of the shows is the magic of creating them — theater. I'm a perfectionist. I like hard work. I like to sweat." — Madonna. [Page Six]
• "Listen, I would love to tell you that I was this wonderfully smart and full-of-integrity kinda guy. But at the same time, man, I wanted to get laid. That was a big part of it! This is why I wanted to be different and why I wanted to have power and fame and money: because I wanted to be attractive to the opposite sex. I'd be lying to you if I didn't say that was a big part of it." — Michael Bublé. [Telegraph]

The Fallen Starlet story is as old as Hollywood itself: drug addiction, drinking problems, and mental illness are all "exciting" story lines that capture the public's attention, if only because they poke holes in the glossy facade of celebrity, and provide proof that even the most beautiful, the most famous, the most admired can be just as screwed up—if not more so—than the rest of us.

And yet, with all of the cautionary tales, the Hollywood machine continues to suck young women in and spit them out once they're past their "peak." Our response, as an audience to all of this—and we are an audience, mind you, following these very real people through very real problems via secondhand reports, paparazzi shots, and orchestrated interviews with "friends" and publicists—is usually to blame the actress herself. She's an addict! She's wasting her talent! She's wasting her opportunities! She's replacable! She's an embarrassment! She's worthless! And so on and so forth.

I came across a particularly nasty article this morning written by a female college student at Michigan State University, who decided to use the very public career troubles of both Mischa Barton and tabloid punching bag Tara Reid to write a "humorous" post titled "Celebretard Showdown." The author begins by expressing her delight at Barton's recent psychiatric hospitalization: "I gotta admit, I really do enjoy watching a mediocre TV actress fall from grace (and she fell hard!)," she writes, before comparing Barton and Reid in various categories to determine which of the two is the ultimate "Celebretard." Ugh. Just a helpful tip: if you are going to write an incredibly nasty article about two actresses who have succumbed to the pressures of Hollywood in fairly depressing ways, it is probably best to avoid attacking them for their lack of "class."

The article goes on to determine that Barton, though a "fail" as an actress, has a shot at recovering her career. As for Reid? "Maybe if she worked more and spent less time romping around random beaches she'd be less of a whore. Maybe." As gross as this article is, it's also a pretty good representation of the types of articles written every time a young actress has a public breakdown. Instead of taking shots at the industry and the pressures placed on these young women to look and act a certain way, we go after the actresses themselves, with claws out and guns blazing, ready to punish them for having highly publicized problems.

This is not to say that we need to hold Mischa Barton Rallies around the country just because we happen to share genitalia. Nor do I think we need to light a candle for Lindsay Lohan every time she's photographed drinking or walking around without pants. I'm sure many of us have friends who have gone through similarly dark times with alcoholism or drug addiction, and have experienced the same kind of exasperation as the illness seems to swallow the person we knew, but with Lohan and Barton, two women who have been acting since childhood, the problems are magnified and handed out to the general public for judging and speculation, and we all tend to point fingers at the women for "screwing up," rather than the system for screwing them up.

Perhaps, in a way, we make jokes and write nasty pieces in order to distance ourselves from the reality of the situation. And perhaps it's easier to blame a select few than to blame society in general, or the way women are packaged, pushed, and ultimately disposed of in Hollywood. In mocking the sad stories, we find a sense of distance and peace; the more ridiculous the story becomes, the less real at seems. We're not attacking fellow women in that way, then—we're attacking characters that Hollywood has created and destroyed for our personal amusement.

It's easy for us to crack jokes about the soap-opera esque nature of these women's lives: Britney's pink wig days, Lindsay's drunk driving, and Tara Reid's sad drunken tours around the world have spawned millions of nasty zingers over the past few years. These were young women who, we believe, had everything: money, beauty, fame, and opportunities, and they squandered such things in favor of drugs, drinking, and shitty ex-husbands. But does anyone really believe that any of these women wanted to let go of such things in order to become a tabloid joke? Does anyone really think that the decisions these women have made were based on rational thought patterns? Probably not. And yet we still insist upon kicking them when they're down, just in case the fall from their pedestal wasn't painful enough.

Celebretard Showdown: Mischa Barton Vs. Tara Reid [College Candy]
Did Mischa Barton Try To Kill Herself? [NYDN]

• Tony Romo broke up with Jessica Simpson the night before her 29th birthday on July 10, which is especially tragic because she had planned a Barbie and Ken themed party.

• A source said Jess had to cancel the party but she's "ok." Did the Ken costume push him over the edge? [Us]
• Madonna's daughter Lourdes was spotted wearing a SpineCor back brace, which is commonly used to treat scoliosis. [Yeeeah]
• David Beckham says rumors that he's posing in a series of sexy Emporio Armani ads with Angelina Jolie are untrue. "She's an amazing person and so is Brad. They're an incredible couple — got an amazing family. You know she wouldn't do it and I wouldn't do it. At the end of the day, I wouldn't do it because I'm married," he said. [Extra]
• Ian Halperin's Michael Jackson tell-all is coming out this week, so expect to hear more salacious details from the book, such as his claim that MJ was gay. Halperin said he's interviewed two of MJ's lovers. "He met a construction worker and fell madly in love with him," claims Halperin. "Michael would leave the house in disguise, often dressed as a woman, and would go meet his boyfriend at a motel that was one of Vegas' grungiest dives. Michael was broke. He struggled to put food on the table for his children. That was all he could afford then." [UPI]
• Sources say Debbie Rowe made a deal with Katherine Jackson that she'd give up custody of Paris and Prince as long as Joe Jackson would have no part in raising them. "The last thing she wanted was for those kids to be looked after by Joe and go through what Michael went through," said a source. "When [Rowe and Jackson] were [married], Michael poured out his heart about how much he loathed Joe for what he had done." [N.Y. Post]
• Sheryl Crow says of being Michael Jackson's backup dancer, "I like to call it magic. It's really overused where he is concerned, but I like to call it magic and I got to watch that magic every night." [CBS News]
• Michael Jackson's production company MJJ Productions has confirmed the rumors that a Michael Jackson video game is in the works. Supposedly it included MJ's voice and will be in stores by Christmas. [Mirror]
• A New York art gallery postponed an Andy Warhol portrait of Michael Jackson from the auction block. It's value was estimated at $1 million to $10 million, but the gallery wants to offer the painting to "the greatest number of prospective purchasers." [Yahoo]
• Next month Alana Stewart, one of Farrah Fawcett's closest friends, will publish a diary she kept while Farrah was battling cancer. Some of the profits will be donated to the Farrah Fawcett Foundation. [Crains]
• A judge ruled Amanda Brunfield, Billy Bob Thornton's daughter, won't be released from jail until an expert witness testifies about why there were bruises on the skull of the baby who died in her care. [The Orlando Sentinel]
• Maura Tierney has a breast tumor. She released a statement saying, "I have discovered a tumor in my breast which requires surgery. I will not know either my exact diagnosis or course of treatment until that surgery is performed." Her new show Parenthood was supposed to premiere in the fall but NBC has postponed it until 2010 so she can receive treatment. [N.Y. Times]
• Artie Lange says he doesn't know why he was charged with DUI. He claims he blew a 0.0 Breathalyzer and passed every test the police officer gave him after he rear ended another car. He says he was on his way to pick up a prescription for his sick mother. [TMZ]
• Nas has filed legal papers in his divorce from Kelis claiming he didn't get a $11 million record deal and his income is actually declining. While she says he's offered no child support for their unborn child, he says he wants to be "fully involved" in parenting the child, has already bough two cribs and a stroller, and has offered to pay $5,000 a month in child support. [TMZ]
• Megan Fox is shopping for a home in the Hollywood Hills. This weekend she looked at homes in the $2 million to $3 million range. [The Daily Mail]
• Survivor winner Richard Hatch went to prison for failing to pay taxes on his $1 million prize and is serving out the last three months of his sentence on house arrest. He's asked the court to let him participate in a 10th anniversary editor of the show to help pay the $400,000 he still owes the IRS. [E!]
• Miley Cyrus was paid $10,000 a day for voicing Bolt, but if they movie had made just $11 million more at the box office she would have made tons more in bonuses. [TMZ]
• Neil Patrick Harris will host the Emmy Awards on September 20. [N.Y. Times]
• Matt Damon will guest star on Entourage next season to raise money for his charity OneXOne. You can read spoilers here: [People]
• Natalie Portman has been cast as the female lead in the comic book movie Thor. Chris Hemsworth will play Thor and Kenneth Branagh is directing. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Holly Madison and Jason Statham were spotted hanging out in Las Vegas over the weekend. Elsewhere in Vegas, Leighton Meester performed songs from her upcoming album. [E!]
• Also spotted this weekend in Vegas: Evangeline Lilly, Dominic Monaghan, and his parents. [Just Jared]
• After many teenagers were turned away from Bruno this weekend, a version has been created for teens 15 and older. Only 1 minute and 50 seconds are missing from the 15+ film, which marks the first time two versions of a film have appeared in U.K. theaters. [BBC]
• Michelle Pfeiffer says maintaining her figure means limiting herself. "I'm not allowed to do those fancy foods, especially while shooting. At that time, I'm given certain portions. Meted out quantities. Like when we filmed Chéri in Paris, I did not partake of those sauces." [The Telegraph]
• Molly Ringwald gave birth to her twins, Adele Georgiana and Roman Stylianos last week. [ONTD]
• Mira Sorvino gave birth to her third child with her husband on June 22. His name is Holden. She says, "He is my miracle baby. With everything that threatened this pregnancy and both of our lives, he came out of it completely unscathed: perfectly healthy, beautiful and wonderful!" [People]
• Kelly Bensimon is coming back for season three of RHONY, but it's unclear which of her costars will join her. "I am coming back," said Kelly. "But I actually don't know who else is coming back. They don't really tell me." [People]
• Dylan McDermott says he became an actor because of his step-mother, Eve Ensler. He says Ensler, who married his dad when he was 15, "instantly said that I should be an actor" because she "saw something" in him. [AP]
• "Now I've got this moniker that I'm the foot-in-mouth gal, and I keep thinking, In what way? Because I said something you don't agree with? Because I said something you don't like? I'm just telling you my opinion. I hate the idea that I can't be honest about how I feel about things because it's going to piss somebody off who feels differently. That seems preposterous to me." — Katherine Heigl [ONTD]
• Kathy Griffin beat out Lisa Rinna and Tara Reid to win a "Who's Got A Hot Bikini Bod" poll on People.com. "I voted for myself obsessively – I mean many hundreds of times," says Griffin. "Then I called my mother and had her vote, and then I had the staff drop all other work so they could do nothing but vote for me... Finally, at 48-years-old I am seen as a stupid shallow sex object," she says. "That's right: there are guys now that are not gay – well as far as I know – that want to [sleep with] me, who don't think I am funny, or even smart. They just think I have a hot body and I'm all for that." [People]
• "I wasn't trying to be a role model with The Dutchess," says Fergie, but after "seeing little girls in the audience with their moms. [It] made me think about what I do onstage a little bit more. I had to watch my mouth, because it can be filthy." [People]
• "If David Beckham had of spoken out about Iraq it wouldn't have happened, I honestly believe that hand on heart, or Britain certainly wouldn't have got involved... Beckham's cultural gravitas was as such in that period that if he'd have gone 'I don't want this war in Iraq, it's an awful thing, we should not do it', it wouldn't have happened, the public would've gone mad against it. But because he kept his gob shut, and everybody else did, it happened, we sleepwalked our way there." — Jon McClure of Reverend And The Makers. [The Mirror]

[Indio, California; April 19. Image via Flynet]

• Grey's Anatomy star T.R. Knight was in a three-car crash yesterday. He was not injured, but two other people were taken to the hospital by ambulance. [LA Times]

• The President Of The United States, Barack Obama, was on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno last night. He brought lulz (More later). [NY Daily News]
• Barack Obama made a joke about the Special Olympics and for that he is sorry. [NY Daily News]
• Here's a picture of Chris Brown getting off of a private jet and riding a bike around on the tarmac like he's having the time of his life. Raise your hand if it makes you feel stabby. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Aniston is narrating a children's book. Cue the ZOMG SHE WANTS BABIEZ headlines. [Gatecrasher]
• Are Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel on a fast train to Splitsville? [Perez, Chicago Sun-Times]
• When Beyoncé stopped at Patricia Field the other day, she spent $11,000 in 20 minutes. How come didn't get us anything? [Page Six]
• It's a big weekend at the box office, with lots of stars: Nicolas Cage, Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, Clive Owen and Julia Roberts. Plus, Amy Adams's Sunshine Cleaning will move into additional theaters. What to see? [Reuters]
• "Five Reasons Julia Roberts Is Too Old (or Not)." Wait, what? [E!]
• This article asks "Is John Hamburg (the writer/director of I Love You Man) The New Judd Apatow?" [LA Times]
• Actual headline: "Miley Cyrus Shakes Her Ass For Paps." And it's not on Perez! [E!]
• For some reason there is a feud between Chris Jericho and Mickey Rourke. Jericho says when Rourke comes to Wrestlemania, he will "get out of the ring, walk over to Mickey, and slap him in the face." Lame. [Gatecrasher]
• Someone is pregnant on The Office. [E!]
• Speaking of The Office, did you dig Idris Elba? He has a Twitter. [EW]
• A Sheryl Crow/Stevie Nicks tour? Maybe! [Gatecrasher]
• There's a new Facebook group called UCLA Students Against James Franco as Commencement Speaker. It's jut mean! [E!]
• Dane Cook's half-brother and former business manager was indicted Thursday on eight counts of larceny; he'd been funneling millions from Cook's business accounts. No joke there. [E!]
• Real Housewives Of Orange County star Gretchen Rossi was spotted making out with Slade Smiley. [TMZ]
• Nick Lachey pitched a reality show to MTV and they liked it! Taking The Stage is about kids at a performing arts school (his alma mater in Cincinnati). Kinda like Fame, if you're old enough to remember hot lunch. [LA Times]
• Debra Messing is named in a lawsuit involving a traffic accident in which her car struck a police officer, even though Messing wasn't driving the car. [TMZ]
• The cast of the new Star Trek flick is heading to Australia; the movie will make its world premiere at the Sydney Opera House on April 7. No word if that guy with the Kirk chair will get to go. [Yahoo News via Reuters]
• Not only is Vanessa Williams awesome on Ugly Betty, she is working on a new album. "I had been wanting to do a Latin-flavored album since I played a ballroom dancer in the (salsa) movie Dance With Me," Williams says. [USA Today]
• Ooh, Elle Macpherson on TV! The CW show is called Beautiful Life, and she'll okay the owner of a modeling agency, naturally. [Reuters]
• Hmm, Mary J. Blige is joining the cast if the next Tyler Perry movie. Love her; not sure about him. [Reuters]
• Gossip Girl fans: Check out this new clip that's popped up: Chuck vs. Dorota! [People]
• Whitney Port and actor Robert Buckley were seen making out all over Miami. Hopefully someday soon we can stop thinking about these semi-famous [E!]
• There is a new romcom in the works called Merman. Yes, it is about a man who is half fish. He "comes to land so he can win back his mermaid fiance, who has left him for a real man." I'm not lying when I say it's produced by the dude who brought you Splash. [EW, Variety]
• Tara Reid has a job! She's been cast in an untitled horror film, in which she will play a mother whose family is terrorized by an unsees presence. [Variety]
• Former Soul Train host Don Cornelius has been sentenced to three years probation after pleading no contest to misdemeanor spousal battery. [Reuters]
• Blind item! "Which engaged young couple shocked an entire film crew when they were caught having sex on set?" [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item: "Which hip-hop fashion team is taking more credit than it deserves? While most designers acknowledge their assistants do much of the work, this up-and-coming pair accept kudos but never mention the staff in the back who actually make it happen." [Page Six]
• "I remember a performance of The Fantasticks where a mom brought a teenage son with Tourette's syndrome to the show. It was explained to me that because he liked me a lot, it became especially difficult for him to control his outbursts when I came on stage. Every time I said or sang anything, he would snort, howl or bellow some expletive about bodily functions or female anatomy, [and drop] F-bombs." — Kristin Chenoweth, in her memoir, A Little Bit Wicked. [Page Six]
• "I like all the Wii games. Love Guitar Hero. Growing up, I liked Tetris. I even like BrickBreaker on the BlackBerry. [My first console was] a Nintendo. I would play Super Mario Bros. We weren't supposed to play it after nine o'clock, and I would sneak and play all night. I loved it." — Beyoncé. [Mirror]
• "I had my tonsils taken out [at age 13], and they gave me liquid Vicodin. I found, when I take this, people like me. I'm having fun, I'm not getting picked on. It became a confidence thing." — Kelly Osbourne, who says she is finally completely clean after a month in rehab. [People]
• "I am shirtless and I have back hair in Observe And Report, and it's glorious. They did have me shave my back for Knocked Up. Judd Apatow said, 'People are not ready for a hairy back in a sex scene. We're just not there yet as a society.'" — Seth Rogen. [Page Six]

• "Life poet" Joaquin Phoenix on his rap career:

"I want it to be big. Not big like popular. I want it to really try and be, for me, the culmination of my life thus far. I realize it's going to be for public consumption, so there are songs that are about - there are dance songs. Most of it, I think, is an internal exploration." Like a rectal exam? [USA Today]

• James Gray, the director of Joaquin's latest film, Two Lovers, says of JP's hip-hop thing: "If it's an act, it's the most committed act I've ever seen in my life. I mean, he built a studio [in his house]." ABC News]
• If you want to talk to Joaquin Phoenix, prepare to sign a release, because it's gonna be filmed for his documentary. [Gatecrasher]
• A Friday gift: Video of Clive Owen, talking about The International. Why is the way he says "shootout" so sexy? [WSJ]
• Madonna went on a date with Jesus Luz in New York last night; they dined at a steakhouse and talked about Kabbalah. [Daily Mail]
• Before "baby" Jesus left Brazil to hang out with her Madgesty, he had two different girlfriends. [Page Six]
• Nicole Kidman has donated £230,000 to help victims of the Australian bushfires. She says: "As Australians, I think the biggest thing is that, no matter where you are in the world, we support each other and we rally." [The Sun]
• This report says that teen fashion designer Kira Plastinina may have been the cause of the Chris Brown/Rihanna fight. [Extra]
• Chris Brown has left Las Vegas and is on his way to meet his mom; she lives in Virginia but it's unclear if he is headed there or if they are meeting somewhere else. [E!]
• Reports persist that Chris and Rihanna's right started with a text from another woman; Leona Lewis, Paris Hilton and Keisha Chanté were all suspected of flirting with Chris, but all deny it. [E!]
• Roger Friedman from Fox seems to think Paris Hilton is involved. [Fox 411]
• When Rihanna wore an eyepatch in concert last year, was it because Chris Brown had injured her eye? [The Sun]
• Chris Brown is seeking a "crisis-management expert." [EW]
• Oh no: Details of how the surgery of Tameka Foster Raymond — Usher's wife — went terribly wrong: She went to Brazil to get lipo and right after she went under general anesthesia, she suffered cardiac arrest. Of course, Usher's rep issued a statement on February 8 which read: "Tameka Raymond is in stable condition after suffering complications from routine surgery in Brazil." Bold ours, obviously. This may be a case of surgery too soon after childbirth: Their second son is two months old. [People]
• Speaking of surgery, a doctor who does not treat him says Michael Jackson's nose "will collapse" after a staph infection he may have contracted after a nose job. [The Sun]
• Grey's Anatomy creator Shonda Rhimes heard that T.R. Knight and Katherine Heigl were leaving Grey's Anatomy and says: "That was a very interesting rumor. And it's not true." [People]
• Boooo: Victoria Beckham was considered to be a judge on American Idol, but she was too busy. Wouldn't you love to see Posh take on the wacky kids? [Mirror]
• Dina Lohan owes $11,485.74 in taxes on her Long Island home, and today is the deadline to pay. [TMZ]
• Oscar-nominated film-maker Stephen Daldry is pondering a remake of My Fair Lady, with Keira Knightley as Eliza Doolittle. Asks this reporter, Wouldn't it be luvverly? [Daily Mail]
• Who will score an interview with post-bong-pic Michael Phelps? [Page Six]
• Even though Hugh Grant is supposed to be with Jemima Khan, he was seen making out with two women in New York Tuesday night. [Gatecrasher]
• Monday night, Hugh Grant made out with Drew Barrymore. [Page Six]
• Sienna Miller is ShoWest 2009's supporting actress of the year. This summer she'll be in the giant GI Joe flick. [Hollywood Reporter]
• News you can't use: Kimora Lee Simmons prepared for Valentine's Day by getting her armpit hair lasered off. [Page Six]
• Eminem's new track, "Crack A Bottle," featuring Dr. Dre and 50 Cent, set a new first-week record for download sales. [Reuters]
• What is going on over at Desperate Housewives? Eva Longoria and Teri Hatcher are going to kiss in an upcoming episode? Sounds like a desperate reach for ratings. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Did anyone know that Jennifer Hudson's fiancé is training with hopes to be a WWE wrestler? [Perez]
• Mira Sorvino is pregnant with baby number 3. [ET]
• Did Michael Stipe and his entourage once visit Mario Batali's restaurant after the kitchen was closed and keep the place open, ringing up a tab of $5,000? And then not tip or say thank you?!?!?! [Perez]
• Some dude bought a Blackberry on eBay and it had phone numbers for Jude Law, Natalie Portman and Kevin Spacey programmed into it, among others. [Telegraph]
• Kevin Costner's wife Christine gave birth to a baby boy, Hayes Logan Costner, on Thursday night. They have another son named Cayden who is almost 2. [ET]
• Living legend Jane Birkin has a new album, and she wrote all of the songs herself. You may know her as Serge Gainsbourg's love interest, as Charlotte Gainsbourg's mom, or as the inspiration for the Birkin bag. [Dazed Digital]
• The band Yes has canceled concert dates due to "unforeseen" medical reasons. [AP]
• Blind item: "Which disturbed loser is more of a cad than we thought? He's spilling the beans about his former flame's kinky sex habits to anyone who'll listen." [Gatecrasher]
• "[I wanted] to be named New York senator. I can't believe Paterson didn't ask. I even had a slogan: 'Make the switch, vote for the bitch.'" — Joy Behar. [Gatecrasher]
• "I realized partying is not what I am anymore." — Tara Reid, on her new sober life. [Daily Express]
• "I adored him, and I felt adored by him... he said to be a good parent, you never say no." — Emily Mortimer, on her father, who died in January. He was an author and created of a popular UK TV series. [Daily Mail]
• "It's one of those vampire movies. It's very funny. It's me with the beard." — Salma Hayek on her facial hair in her new flick, Cirque du Freak. [USA Today]
• "Toward the end of the shoot, he kept saying 'Oh I'm so tired, I'm so tired.' You hear that kind of thing and you think it's a joke. I just ignored it. I drove up to his house because his phone was disconnected. He said, 'I don't want to act anymore, I've been doing it for 30 years and if you did something for 30 years, you'd want to quit too.' That rap thing ... in the movie actually comes from something I played for him. I had an obsession with doing that sort of thing as a teenager. ... It turns out that Joaquin is imitating me in a lot of the movie. He said, 'I want to do that, I want to steal from that, I want to do the rap that you used to do.' I said, 'OK.' And now I'm seeing him do this thing, and I feel like I've ruined Joaquin Phoenix for the world. I don't want to be the guy that destroyed Joaquin Phoenix's acting career." — James Gray, the director of Two Lovers. [ABC News]
• "You drop some weight just by running after them." — Naomi Watts on her "body after baby." [People]
• "I'm 43 years old and I haven't ever really had a good relationship." — Moby. [NY Mag]
• "Seal always puts a smile on my face. We make each other laugh all the time. Laughing is good. I understand that life is not always just a smile all the time. But when you're facing problems, it doesn't make it better if you're kind of miserable. I always try to have a positive feeling. Every morning when I get up, I'm happy to be here. Even when I'm tired because the kids have been crying in the night, they come in and want mama and crawl into my bed. They look at you and they have that smile on their faces and life is good." — Heidi Klum. [The Star]
• "The pageantry of getting your hair curled and then all these beautiful clothes put on you — it was totally different. It was an escape. In Hollywood, you feel a responsibility to look less disheveled than you are. But I'm a mom and I'm not good at putting time into prepping. I tell my girlfriends — imagine if all the time you put into waxing and primping, you took all of that energy and put it into something useful." — Isla Fisher, on getting styled for Confessions Of A Shopaholic. [WSJ]

• So many questions about John Travolta's late son: Could Jett have been saved? Was he autistic? Is Scientology to blame? [Mirror]

• Before he died, Jett Travolta had been taken off of his anti-seizure meds. [TMZ]
• A friend of John Travolta's says, "The desire to protect Jett informed everything John did," including flying his own plane. [Daily Mail]
• And! Looky here: More people are blaming Scientology for Jett's tragic death; saying the religion is responsible for the "willful non-treatment of mental health and neurological disorders." [Hollywood Interrupted]
• A message from John Travolta and Kelly Preston: "We would like to extend our deepest and most heartfelt thanks to everyone who has sent their love and condolences. Jett was the most wonderful son that two parents could ever ask for and lit up the lives of everyone he encountered. We are heartbroken that our time with him was so brief." [TMZ, Perez Hilton, Daily Mail]
• John Travolta held his son's limp hand in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, begging, "Jett, come on, Jett, come on, come around!" [NY Post]
• Oprah has called her buddy John Travolta to offer her condolences. [ET]
• John Travolta's friend and Chief Counsel, Mike Ossi, says: "I will defer to doctors and medical experts, but I don't want anyone to think that John and Kelly did not utilize all available medical and non-medical experts in an attempt to protect the interest of his children." [ET]
• Holy crap: Katie Holmes has spent £10 MILLION since moving to New York six months ago. If she moves, the economy will collapse! [The Sun]
• Do we believe that Scientology helped Tom Cruise overcome dyslexia? [Yahoo News]
• Gwyneth Paltrow is on a detox diet which bans dairy, gluten, meat, shellfish, all processed food, fatty nuts, potatoes and other related vegetables, condiments, sugar, alcohol, caffeine or fizzy drinks. "Happy" new year! [Telegraph]
• For some reason this story is about Kate Moss pregnancy rumors, even though she is seen smoking and drinking beer and her "stomach bump" appears to be abdominal muscle. [The Sun]
• Britney Spears is supposedly dating choreographer Sandip Soparrkar, but his Bollywood actress girlfriend says: "I don’t understand why Britney would stoop so low as to claim someone else’s boyfriend for her own. Sandip and I are very happy together." Uh oh! [Mirror]
• On the subject of Spears: Remember when cops used a decoy for Jamie Lynn Spears at LAX? The woman in question, Adessa Eskridge, says she was plucked from JLS's flight and told, "you're going to help us." Not asked; told. She didn't know why they slapped sunglasses on her and marched her into a crowd of paparazzi until later; she's suing for $100,000. [ONTD]
• Of course Barbara Walters has landed the first TV interview with Patrick Swayze since the Dirty Dancer announced he can cancer last year: Nobody puts Baba Wawa in a corner! [Contact Music]
• Host Samantha Harris wants hot hottie Hugh Jackman to appear on Dancing With The Stars, which would be awesome but will never happen. He's an actual star, see. [People]
• Speaking of DWTS: Karina Smirnoff and Maksim Chmerkovskiy are engaged. [NY Post]
• Michael Jackson, who may or may not be dying, wants to leave his share of the Beatles catalogue to Paul McCartney in his will. McCartney was furious in 1985 when Jackson outbid him to win the rights to the Lennon-McCartney songbook; Jackson wants to make peace. Remember when Mac & Jack were old-tymey buddies? [Mirror]
• Criss Angel is still using his freak "magic" on Holly Madison: They were seen having dessert with Holly's parents in Las Vegas on New Year's Day. Apparently this is the first time Holly's had her mom and dad to meet a boyfriend; was there something embarrassing about Hef? Other than his age, wardrobe and other gfs? [E!]
• Soulja Boy's rep has confirmed that the rapper was indeed assaulted last week; six men came to his home and robbed him and his friends. No word on whether the 18-year-old attempted to "Superman that ho." [Perez Hilton]
• Celebs use Twitter! John Cleese likes Marmite! Britney Spears hearts Japan! Yawn. [Daily Mail]
• Madonna's daughter Lourdes wants to be an actress: She's enrolled at the Professional Children's School, alma mater of Macaulay Culkin, Scarlett Johansson and Sarah Jessica Parker. Hopefully she's seen Swept Away and can just do the opposite of whatever that was. [Daily Mail]
• Speaking of Madonna, her brother conducted an interview from in his bed, in pyjamas and striped silk gown, reclining on two enormous Versace pillows. Of his book, Christopher Ciccone says: "She probably thinks of it as a desperate attempt for attention and money. And, ultimately, a betrayal. I think of it as a thesaurus - it's different ways of defining people and myself - and also as another piece of art." Plus: "I was born my mother's son, but I will die my sister's brother." [Guardian]
• Playwright and actor Sam Shepard was arrested on DUI charges in the town named Normal, Illinois over the weekend. [Breitbart]
• Is Amy Winehouse trying to get her groove back? She was seen kissing Caribbean singer Shayne Ross in St. Lucia right before Christmas. Once you go black… (And remember this?) [Mirror]
• Amy can walk on her hands, btw. [The Life Files]
• Are Prince William and Kate Middleton on the verge of getting engaged? They're staying in some "fairytale log cabin" where some think he's about to pop the question. [The Sun]
• Prince William and Prince Harry are setting up their own private office, which is "a significant step for the two young princes in establishing some independence from their father." [Telegraph]
• Ew: David Spade and Nicolette Sheridan might actually be a couple. [E!]
• Fergie, the Duchess of York, now rules a business empire; in addition to designing jewelry and writing, she's producing an animated film of her children's book. Being royal just isn't enough these days. [Daily Mail]
• Heather Mills is pissed that her former nanny is suing her, claiming "sexual discrimination, intimidation and constructive dismissal." Poor Heather has already spent $14.5 million of her $35.3 million settlement, how can she be expected to live on what's left? [UPI]
• By the by, Heather Mills feels "betrayed" by the lawsuit. [Daily Mail]
• Gary Oldman got married on New Year's Eve — and his fourth wife — Alexandra Edenborough — is gorgeous, dammit. [ONTD]
• Breaking! Is David Beckham out of shape? [LA Times]
• Posh had better get used to a long distance relationship: Victoria and the kids won't join Beckham in Milan when he starts this weekend. [Independent]
• Kudos to you, Kylie Minogue, and your hot Spanish "toyboy" and your French Alps vacation, where you were seen acting like a "loved-up teenager." [The Sun]
• Rihanna's got a huge glittering rock on "that" finger so the rumor is that she's engaged to Chris Brown. [The Sun]
• Jermaine Dupri has written an essay about Barack Obama for The Huffington Post, in which he wails: "Obama hasn't even been sworn in yet and he's being pushed and pulled in all the different directions everyone else thinks he's supposed to go. Everywhere I look people are trying to steer Obama one-way or the other… Who's next in line to bitch?" [Huffington Post]
• Mickey Rourke relates to his character in The Wrestler: "Once you've been somebody, really, you have a career and you're a nobody anymore, and you're getting older, you're living what's called a state of shame. I went through that in the movie business, you know? You are alone." [CBS News]
• Michelle Trachtenberg will return to Gossip Girl, but the commenters over on ONTD are all, "do not want." [ONTD]
• If you like shabby chic, check out the "rock retreat" of Pearl Lowe, Gavin Rossdale's ex and the mom of Daisy Lowe. [Daily Mail]
• If you're dying to know who makes the clothes Whitney Port wears on The City, she has listed the designers in nauseating detail. [Whitney Port]
• Dan Clark, formerly known as Nitro on American Gladiators, says steroids gave him man boobs, shriveled balls and a "dull throbbing pain" every time he had sex. Good times. [Page Six]
• Stars like T.I., Adam Levine, Chace Crawford and Maria Menounos partied in Miami over the weekend. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which politico adulterer finds many normal objects to be too sexually suggestive, and has to have them removed from his sight while he’s making speeches? Word is he gets too distracted to focus on his notes!" [Gatecrasher]
• Ex-Danity Kane singer Aubrey O'Day will be on the March cover of Playboy, even though she exposed plenty of her epidermis already, on Complex. [Gatecrasher]
• Ranae Shrider, the woman who called Verne "Mini Me" Troyer her boyfriend, is still telling her weird and creepy story to whomever will listen. Now she claims he ordered her around "like a slave" and she ran all his errands while he spent the day Googling his own name. She also says she wanted to be his girlfriend but didn't want to have sex with him. Tsk, tsk. [Mirror]
• Oh, but Verne "Mini Me" Troyer is the favorite to win the UK's Celebrity Big Brother. So there's that. [The Star]
• Speaking of Celebrity Big Brother, apparently Coolio used the N word and caused a stir. [The Sun]
• Yesterday People reported that Tara Reid had checked out of rehab; this was not true. [E!]
• Tara Reid is still in rehab but "doing well." [People]
• Jeremy Piven is dating a black chick. [Page Six]
• Actor/director Richard Attenborough, 85, is in stable condition after a head injury after a fall in his home last month; he was in a coma but has regained consciousness. [UPI]
• "I would steal Kate Winslet’s roles. All her roles. Don’t talk to me about it because she can do no wrong in my eyes. Not only is she the most amazing actress in the entire world, she’s nude in a lot of her films which shows she’s just fearless. Her choices are impeccable. She literally can do anything. If she can just give me two of her roles, I’d be happy." — Eva Mendes. [Daily Mail]
• "People are so enamored of the character that when they see in a script, 'detective,' they think, 'let's bring Belzer in.' They did that on The X-Files, on Arrested Development, on Sesame Street. It's been so much fun." — Richard Belzer on being Detective Munch. [UPI]
• "Men come and go but there really is no relationship like the one you have with a dog — and then they don't live as long as they should. You have to say goodbye way too soon. It's just so sad. It makes me so sad. But their love is unconditional and I love that." — Jennifer Aniston, possibly explaining why she's dating noted dog John Mayer. [The Sun]

• Jennifer Aniston admits two things about that naughty nude GQ cover: that she was drunk when they snapped the pics and that they photoshopped her already perfect funbags. [NYDN]

• On the View on Wednesday, in reference to the GQ shots Barbara Wawa asked Jen, "What happened to the girl next door from Friends?" To which Jen cheekily replied, "She's there! Photoshopped!" Gotta admit the Aniston is growing on us. [NYDN]
• Speaking of the oft-discussed GQ cover, apparently the Hudson News chain in Grand Central covered Aniston's naked form in its window display with a piece of paper. Don't want those commuters getting too titillated! [NYDN]
• Eartha Kitt died on Christmas Day at the age of 81. There will be a more thorough post honoring the singer later today. [NYT]
• Certified mother of the year Dina Lohan was spotted at 1Oak with Lindsay's little brother Michael, celebrating his 21st birthday. What would the actual Oprah say about White Oprah's behavior? [Page Six]
• More missives from the Lohan clan, Lindsay wrote the following on her MySpace blog. "My father just let my family and I know, amongst others that he had another child after my little sister Aliana, or maybe he had it before Aliana?? Either way he cheated on my mother and that really sucks. Wow—do I sound like 'Debbie Downer' or what? Not trying to be." Poor Lindsay. Then she continues on to talk of brighter things, like Britney Spears's comeback. [E! Online]
• Ugh, this is so sad. Mark Ruffalo's family had to hold his brother Scott's funeral without his body, as Scott's corpse is still part of the homicide investigation. Police are still trying to piece together why hairdresser Scott was shot to death. Blerg. [Page Six]
• Congrats, Katie Couric! The news diva's ratings went up last week, to 7.4 million. [Fall Out Boy's website. He looks like every other baby. [E! Online]
• Did Tara Reid punk out on rehab? Someone claims they have snaps of her partying in Miami two days after she released a statement about entering promises rehab center. Also fishy: the photos are from her birthday party, and were allegedly taken on December 15. Her birthday is November 8. [IDLYITW]
• Ad man cum cable personality Donny Deutsch was caught cheating with a married woman earlier this year, but in his new book, he preaches faithfulness in marriage. "I'm not giving marriage advice," Deutsch claims. "I am, however, offering advice of the heart." A classic case of do what I say, not what I do. [Page Six]

• Actress Tara Reid has checked herself into Promises Treatment Center for unspecified reasons. "She checked in herself – it was her decision," says a friend. [People]

• Phylicia Rashad, who is perhaps best known for her role as Claire Huxtable on The Cosby Show, has signed on to be the next Jenny Craig spokeswoman. [People]

• Amy Winehouse has reportedly been serving meals to fellow patients during her stay at a London hospital "in a bid to avoid being kicked out."[TheSun]

• Is Scarlett Johansson the new face of Dolce & Gabbana? [StyleFile]

• Want to see a video of 9-year-old Britney Spears? Eh? Maybe? Click here. [People]

• Jennifer Hudson has cancelled a music video shoot for her next single. "The video was set up before the tragedy and she felt like she should finish what she started," says a source, "but she's realized that she's not ready to go back to work."[US Magazine]

• Hugh Hefner's sons are split on the idea of multiple girlfriends; his 18 year old, Marsten, isn't into it, but his 17 year old, Cooper, says: "I can imagine doing that. I don't think it's an odd thing to do. You date around to try to find a connection with some girl." [US Magazine]

• It's official: Hugh Jackman will be your Oscar host. [E!]

• Joel Madden won't be buying Nicole Richie diamonds for Christmas this year: ""She appreciates more of the creative rather than something like a diamond," Madden says, "She's not really into diamonds."[E!]

• Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo were married in a top-secret ceremony in Greenwich, CT last night; the bride, groom, and the Justice of the Peace who married them were the only people in attendance. [PageSix]

• Billboard has named Chris Brown 2008's Artist of the Year. [NYTimes]

• The recession is so bad that even American Idol doesn't have any cash to spare: the program's "Idol Gives Back" episode has been cancelled for this upcoming season. [NYPost]

• How rude! The Full House spinoff is a no-go after all. A source claims it's "completely dead." [E!]

• Sad news: 40's hearthrob Van Johnson has died at the age of 92. [NYTimes]

• Ouch: CNN calls The Day The Earth Stood Still a "a preachy, draggy blockbuster that espouses a radical message of Luddite technophobia at the same time as it conspicuously plugs Honda and LG Electronics, and dresses up its half-baked thinking in blinding (but not that brilliant) CGI wizardry." That was way harsh, CNN. [CNN]

• Brad Pitt must have read your comments about his creepy pornstache: "It's fashion. Who am I without creative facial hair? I consider it very brave." Yeah, well, that doesn't explain the bloody hats. [People]

• Remind the world to never buy a Duncan Quinn suit. Unless, I guess, you know someone who's about to strangle a scantily-clad woman on the hood of a fucking car. [Feministe, via NY Mag]

• Versace's being sued by the former assistant to a US executive, claiming she was subject to harassment based on her race and sex, forced to relay sexually explicit voicemail messages, and fired when she objected. [Reuters]
• One of the alleged messages: to tell her boss he'd given some guy an STD. Versace says it's "confident that . . . [it] will not be held responsible in any way." [New York Post]
• Beyonce's "style secrets" are less than explosive: "Some of the necklines and silhouettes, and even some of the fabrics they chose, [for Cadillac Records] look so appropriate for now. I love them! I feel that everything comes back, and since this is something so special to me we incorporated it in [my House of Dereon] line." [People]
• Want to see Karl Lagerfeld naked? No? What about Donatella Versace? They, plus Agyness and Galliano, have been drawn in the buff — okay, with fig leaves — for a new line of Henry Holland tee shirts. [New York]
• ID Models — apparently home to "models" Leelee Sobieski and Tara Reid — is closing, or merging, or something. [Fashionista]
• Ooh, stills from Audrey Tautou's new Chanel biopic, which we're totally excited about even though it will obviously airbrush out all Petainiste sympathies and anti-Semitism! Yay! Movies! [Fashionologie]
• Upon receiving an award from the Council for the United States and Italy, Miuccia Prada said...nothing. "After an ear-numbing string of speeches, Prada explained: 'I am not shy. I just don't like to be generic. I'm not able to speak in sound bites. So I don't do it.'" [Breitbart]
• Elle jumps on the slightly disturbing virtual bandwagon with some fake clothes. "The collection of short party dresses, leggings and sparkly tops, which debuted Tuesday, retails at a boutique on Stardoll.com, a virtual world for teens and young adults that has more than 23 million registered users globally." [WSJ]
• Kelly Cutrone hopes her new reality show will provide an "opportunity on TV for young women to see women in power.” What's she saying, that fake-working doesn't count? [New York]
• Lovely luxe bag-makers Mulberry's profits wane; they issue a profit warning. [Times of London]
• Moddle Lara Stone gets an entire issue of French Vogue. Says someone at the mag, cryptically: “Have you ever met Lara Stone? If you met her, you would know. She’s an amazing person.” [Fashionista]
• Lanvin's denim line for Acne debuts; jeans cost upwards of $500. [New York]
• Abercrombie's refusing to cut prices; suffering. [The Street]
• Page Six asks, "Which actress who plays a teen on a hit TV show incorrectly insists she's a size zero? Employees at a clothing line have to remove all the bigger-size labels from garments they send her to her to keep her happily deluded ." Yes, it's hard being a Size 2. [New York Post]
• Speaking of vague gossip! Everyone's a-twitter about this Wintour-Ralph Lauren luncheon sighting: "The fabulous fashionistas both arrived on the early side — 12:30 — and were still deep in conversation after much of the dining room had departed. Now that we've been assured by Si Newhouse that Anna's safe at the top of Vogue's masthead, we have to wonder why the pair looked downright anguished. We watched in fascination as the pair leaned over the table with their foreheads practically touching as Ralph propped his head up with his hands and rubbed his eyes. Tough times for the titan?" Or a bad oyster? [Media Bistro]

#15 Kathie Lee Gifford



Why she's ridic: She makes silly faces; she has managed to transform Hoda Kotb from an award-winning journalist of Egyptian descent into a yenta; she's not joking about that music career of hers.
That's what she said: "I don't think I should be held responsible for anything I don't know about." - In regards to employing sweatshop children for her Wal-Mart clothing line
Why she's fun:

#14 Diana Ross



Why she's ridic: She jiggled Lil' Kim's bare boob on live TV—'nuff said.
That's what she said: "Just because I have my standards they think I'm a bitch."
Why she's fun:

#13 Tara Reid



Why she's ridic: She repeatedly gets shitty, cheap plastic surgery; she is the go-to cautionary tale for party-loving starlets; 80% of the time, you can see where the extensions are attached to her head.
That's what she said: "I wish all the mean people, if you want to be mean to each other, just buy a country together and blow each other up. Then we’d have no terrorists left. Like, don’t kill innocent people for no reason. It’s not fair. We love everybody. We’d even like them if they said they’re sorry. It’s not fair that innocent people are getting hurt. It makes me sad." - Her thoughts on terrorism and world peace from her sorely-missed travel show Taradise
Why she's fun:

#12 Kathleen Turner



Why she's ridic: She sounds like the personification of an ashtray full of cigarette butts when she talks; she pissed off Nicholas Cage after she accused him of stealing a dog; she didn't correct rumors of being a drunk because she didn't think that being known as a drunk would hurt her career.
That's what she said: "I find the idea of today's icons being teenagers incredibly uninspiring."
Why she's fun:

#11 Bai Ling



Why she's ridic: She loves to sing; she loves to dance; she can spend the day crying, but be damned if she won't pick herself up by the bootstraps, go out to a porn star's birthday party and work the red carpet.
That's what she said: "My name is Bai Ling. That means white spirit, and I really feel like sometimes I'm not existing."
Why she's fun:

#10 Celine Dion



Why she's ridic: She doesn't seem to eat; she's very French Canadian; she tried to be fashion-forward once.
That's what she said: "I've never been cool, and I don't care." - Regarding her adult contemporary radio success
Why she's fun:

#9 Elizabeth Taylor



Why she's ridic: Larry Fortensky; Michael Jackson; pills — lots and lots of them.
That's what she said: "The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues."
Why she's fun:

#8 Keyshia Cole's Birth Mom Frankie



Why she's ridic: Frankie is a former crack addict who gave birth to Keyshia Cole. Keyshia was mostly raised by her foster mom and both women remain in her life and, thankfully, her BET reality show Keyshia Cole: The Way It Is. Frankie always speaks her mind, although some of might not make much sense. But she's relatable, since two of her favorite things are "eating Popeye's chicken and watching horror movies."
That's what she said: "I was smoking like a broke stove. Crack. For real." - In regards to why she was in prison, from this outtakes interview from the second season of Keyshia Cole: The Way It Is
Why she's fun:

#7 Mariah Carey



Why she's ridic: She met her much-younger husband at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards; she has likened herself to a mermaid on several occasions; a few titles from her discography are Daydream, Butterfly, Rainbow, Glitter, Charmbracelet, and E=MC².
That's what she said: "I don't mind being compared to Whitney, there are people miles worse to be compared to."
Why she's fun:

#6 Liza Minelli



Why she's ridic: She married at least two gay men; she had the most awesome bridal party ever assembled; she says her "esses" weird, making them sound like "shh."
That's what she said: "I feel like I haven't done my best work yet."
Why she's fun:

#5 Paula Abdul



Why she's ridic: She managed to get six #1 Billboard Hot 100 hits out of that excuse for a singing voice; she explained her "quirky" behavior by admitting she has a chronic pain condition; she continues to appear on live television despite being very unpredictable.
That's what she said: "When people expect me to go right, I'll go left. I'm unpredictable. "
Why she's fun:

#4 Courtney Love



Why she's ridic: She took heroin while pregnant; she had a crack bender a few years ago; she still manages to say some of the most intriguing, insightful, intelligent things.
That's what she said: "Drugs make you make bad fashion choices." - From her anti-drug PSA
Why she's fun:

#3 Janice Dickinson



Why she's ridic: She slept with her friend's boyfriend when she was a model; she won't let her beef with Tyra Banks die; she talks about her sobriety as though it's something she actually maintains.
That's what she said: "Without gay men, I am nothing."
Why she's fun:

#2 Anna Nicole Smith



Why she's ridic: Born in a poor Texas town, met her baby daddy fried chicken establishment, met her billionaire husband at a strip club, took off her clothes for money, fled the country with her slimy lawyer, and is now, in death, somewhat of a legend.
That's what she said: "It's very expensive to be me. It's terrible the things I have to do to be me. " - Testimony on the stand during the case battling for her dead husband's fortune
Why she's fun:

#1 Whitney Houston



Why she's ridic: In an interview, she told Diane Sawyer to produce receipts to prove she is spending money on crack, as though crack dealers provide that kind of documentation; she managed to stay married to Bobby Brown for a considerable amount of time; she hung out with Ariel Sharon in Israel and wouldn't shake his hand, for reasons unknown.
That's what she said: "Hell to the no!" - In regards to anything she's not in favor of
Why she's fun:

The Good:
I'm normally pretty tough on Eva L-P, but I think she's looking smokin' lately.


Jennifer Morrison's is not the best iteration we've ever seen, but this retro look (we're refusing to buy into the lame "blirt" a few souls are attempting) is still a better trend than many.


Daisy Fuentes is one of the few who could pull off this much dress and pattern.


I love how confident Constance Marie looks in her LBD.




The Bad:
Cristina Perez obviously doesn't listen to Nina Garcia.


Candace Fisher's cleavage is mesmerizing... but not in a good way.


Tara Reid has worn far worse, and is looking pretty wholesome, but unfortunatel,y large portions of this are see-through.


Maria Conchita Alonso obviously feels good in her outfit, which theoretically, is half the battle...




The Ugly:
It's always fascinating when garments like Ana de la Reguera's manage to be both revealing and frumpy.

[Images via Getty]

• Tara Reid looks like she has no longer been ridden hard and put away wet! The former winner of Miss Hot Mess 2002-2007 is dating fashion executive Julien Jarmoune and apparently fending off marriage rumors. A pal of the couple says, "It looks like she's finally gotten her act together!" [E! Online, AHN]
• Someone who has decidedly not gotten her act together: Amy Winehouse. She was spotted stumbling out of a Camden pub at 3:30 this morning, looking a fright. [Daily Mail]
• The Olsen twins are causing dramz in the West Village: their partying habits are bugging the neighbors near the W. 13th Street apartment they're renting for $12,000 a month."Plenty of other celebrities around this block [Sarah Jessica Parker, Liv Tyler, Gisele Bundchen and Julianne Moore] are good neighbors and blend in with the neighborhood - but these two are invaders," a source says. [Page Six]
• One half of the gruesome twosome, Mary Kate, was spotted at fashion week with a new boyf, artist Nate Lowman. [Perez]

• Even too-cool-for-school New Yorkers are gaga over Michael Phelps, who is currently in town to host the season premiere of SNL this weekend. At Blue Ribbon Sushi on Monday, "It was funny to see jaded New Yorkers, who always see celebs around town, act like excited schoolkids," says a witness. "People kept sending over bottles of champagne and sake! Never seen anything like it." [Page Six]
• Daily Show funnyman Rob Corrdry and his wife Sandra are expecting a second daughter! Rob says, "We have a short list of names that we are considering. My 2-year-old (daughter Sloane) is pretty set on the name 'Freeka.' She also likes 'Laurie Berkner,' but that sounds weird in front of Corddry. We may just go with 'Baby the Entertainer' in case she grows up to be a black comedian." [People]
• He said, she said, on their nude scene in the upcoming film The Duchess. Dominic Cooper: "I knew there was a scene in which I had to get naked. It wasn't gratuitous, but still quite overwhelming. There were a series of devices I was offered to wear which protect my [naughty] bits. And I gave Keira the choice in a very gentlemanly way, 'You can chose either the furry soft, the pink diaper or the Spandex." Keira Knightley: "I don't remember choosing. I think he's making that up. Unless I was feeling particularly malicious, I don't think I would have chosen to put a man in a skin-colored diaper. I could have been feeling particularly malicious, however, that's entirely possible." [ People]
• Oooh!! Britney might have a new album ready for Christmas! The plan right now is to release the single in November and then have the LP out in December along with some live shows. Don't pressure the girl, she's just getting her sea legs back! [The Sun]
• Matthew McConaughey: "When I'm lucky enough to be in a place where I don't have to wear a shirt and shoes, I don't." No, really? [People]
• Lynda Carter, aka Wonder Woman, had this to say about Sarah Palin being referred to as "the new Wonder Woman." "Don’t get me started. She’s the anti-Wonder Woman. She’s judgmental and dictatorial, telling people how they’ve got to live their lives. And a superior religious self-righteousness … that’s just not what Wonder Woman is about. Hillary Clinton is a lot more like Wonder Woman than Mrs. Palin. She did it all, didn’t she?" [Philly Mag]
• Um, so apparently, Viggo Mortensen is always being detained by airport security because the favorite tea that he carries with him looks like pot. "And it doesn't help that Mortensen, who grew up in Argentina, drinks his tea with a pipe." That isn't a joke. [Showbiz Spy]
• Ugh, Hugh Grant is such an old skeeze! He was spotted in London hitting on women at a club for 18-22 year-olds. [Perez]
• Oprah is atop the list of Most Generous Stars. Also in the top ten: trumpeter and A&M records co-founder Herb Alpert, Barbra Streisand, Paul Newman, Brangelina, Michael Jordan, Canadian ex-hockey player Eric Lindros, Lance Armstrong, and though it pains us to tell you, Rush Limbaugh, who gave $4.2 million to children of marines and law-enforcement officers killed in the line of duty. [Reuters]
• Queen Latifah on her status as Jenny Craig spokesperson: "If anything, I was worried about alienating my big girls. I didn't want them to think, Hey, she's leaving us. But if I can be an example of loving yourself regardless of what you look like, I can be an example of loving yourself and being healthier." [Reader's Digest]
• Rob Lowe's recent sexual harassment issues with his nanny have been hurting his wallet in more ways than one. “Since the headline that a second nanny sued me for sexual harassment, I have been passed over for at least three commercials, any of which could have ultimately resulted in income of over $1 million," he said. [MSNBC]

• I think we can all agree that there's a real dearth of trashy fashion lines by C-List stars. Thank god Tara Reid is filling the void with "Mantra." The new collection "includes t-shirts, dresses, bikinis, ponchos and hoodies decorated with beads and charms." [Perez Hilton]
• Which is good, because fellow I-don't-even-know-what-letter-Lister Kelly Osborne's reality show, Project Catwalk, was just dropped in the UK. [The Star]
• Janice on Tyra: "Nor did I ever get a note or call thanking me for helping to put her show on the map. Whatever. She’s not my favorite person." [NY Mag]
• Presses, stopped: "Barack Obama has a 33-inch waist, and his jacket is a 40 long." This info comes from his tailor! [Racked]

• This is how we want our birthdays celebrated from now on: "Rumor has it (Sonia) Rykiel’s daughter, Nathalie, has asked a host of international designers, including Karl Lagerfeld, Donna Karan and Jean Paul Gaultier, to design an outfit in the spirit of Rykiel to pay homage to the sweater queen as part of her jubilee." [WWD]
• Not surprisingly, French Vogue editrice Carine Roitfeld's Paris pad is huge, chic, less than cozy. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Just in time for alleged "Twilight vampire mania," black lipgloss is everywhere but on our mouths! [LAT]
• Both American Eagle and Chico's had better-than-expected profits, even though they had to slash prices/launch a "Debbie Phelps line" to do it. [NYT]
• Thanks to Nuclear Wintour, tennis has had the fashion seal of approval for a while now. No wonder Lacoste and Ralph Lauren can't keep tennis couture on the shelves! [WWD]
• Those of us getting nostalgic for the days when Madonna was awesome can check out icons of her sartorial career at a London exhibition next year. "Highlights of the 300-item show will include her iconic pink Material Girl dress, which she wore in the video to her 1985 hit, and the gown she wore playing Argentinian heroine Evita in the 1996 movie." [The Telegraph]
• Kate Moss talks dirty — or at least talks about talking dirty — in Interview, despite our specific injunctions to avoid speaking. Also does nude pictorial. (NSFW although it's "artistic.") [The Sun]
• And wanna see her in a Turkish bath? Knock yourselves out. [Fashionista]
• "Telephoning from his 152-foot navy-hulled yacht moored off the island of Capri,' Valentino acts exactly as one would wish an iconic Italian designer to. [BlackBook]
• Victoria's Secret model Doutzen Kroes: '"I always went over the top when I liked the guys! I would send flowers and love notes," the lovely blonde dished. "I'm sure they're laughing now, because they're like 'Oh, shoot!' But this was when I was 13. Men now send me flowers, and I like it that way,"' Oh, shut it. [Radar]
• Former model Carol Alt's novel: "I wanted to teach in an entertaining kind of way. I have a wealth of knowledge about the modeling industry and how to create a career, not just survive the season. I wanted to be able to teach the girls coming in to the business what it's all about and what to expect. Nobody tells them and they're shocked," [CBS News]
• "I Kissed A Girl" singer Katy Perry, and Betsey Johnson, who kissed Anna Nicole, love each other. [BlackBook]
• Lifetime piggybacks on its Runway coup with Blush: The Search for America's Greatest Makeup Artist. Two words, Lifetime: Top Design. [Variety]
• Olympic golden girls Nastia Liukin, Shawn Johnson, and Alicia Sacramone "will be the new faces of CoverGirl." Aren't they kinda young? [Chic and Untroubled via NY Mag]
• Elton John auctions deco brooch; apparently will fetch a lot of money. [The Star]
• J Crew's down; they're blaming "system upgrades" but I'm blaming "high prices." [WSJ]
• Mark Ronson's spinning at fashion week. I feel manipulated; why do I love them all of a sudden? [Fashion Week Daily]
• We're normally wary of fashion types co-opting lit cause they think it sounds cool or whatever, but the invites to Abigail Lorick (who does all the ghost designing for Gossip Girl's "fashion shows" nb) sounds genuinely rad: "it’s a battered copy of Virginia Woolf’s masterpiece “A Room of One’s Own,” all wrapped up in a silk scarf bow." [Style.com]
• London's Jewish Museum of Art launches an exhibit on "Schmatte Counture" that seems to have very little to do with either rags or fashion. [Telegraph]
• Free YSL bags! Well, sort of. "The limited edition cotton totes, designed by Stefano Pilati, are the latest wrinkle in the French house's ongoing "Manifesto" program, in which newspaper-style catalogues are handed out to women on the streets of key fashion cities. More than half a million copies of the catalogue will be distributed in Paris, New York, London, Milan, Tokyo and Hong Kong, with 5,000 in each city tucked into the black or white totes." [WWD]
• They're also hawking a $50-something bracelet. "For their latest fragrance and lip gloss (as seen on the cast of Gossip Girl, as well as model Coco Rocha), YSL did something major: They put both beauty items into tiny gold charms, attached them to a YSL bracelet, and sent them straight to Sephora." [Nylon]

[LAX, March 17. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Images via AP and Getty.]