Jezebel: tampons

Leave It To Beaver

Maria — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 10:40:00 EST

Despite complaints from prudish consumers, Kotex will continue using its Australian Kotex U tampon commercials, which feature a woman hanging out with her animated beaver. Although some view the ads as inappropriate, they've helped Kotex gain two share points in the $250 million market and overcome the perception that they are a lower-tier brand of menstrual products. Click the image at left to see the commercial. [AdAge]

Question Marks Surrounding Our Periods

Tracie — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 16:40:00 EDT

Vaginas are confusing, even for those of us who have them. There's so much going on that we can't see…actually, there's so much going on period. And speaking of periods, that's an entire category of vaginal confusion. Sure we know the ABCs, and we certainly know more than most of the people who watch Tyra (or maybe even Tyra herself), but there are more specific inquiries—taboo ones that involve poop and ejaculate—that we can't really find in books or on Wikipedia, and that we don't want to ask our moms about, for fear that she'd die of a different kind of toxic shock. But maybe we can answer each others' gross questions based on personal experience. We get the party started with three of our own questions regarding tampons.

1.) If you have period sex, and then the guy cums in you, how long should you wait to put a tampon in? This is something that never even occurred to me until two months ago when the situation presented itself for the first time. Ejaculate is really thick, and i know when I wipe it off me with paper towels, it just kinda smears around. If paper towels don't really absorb it, how can compacted cotton? And then what happens if you can't get all of the semen out of you, but you put a tampon in, and it doesn't get absorbed? Does it just hang around inside you, stinking up the joint? There were a lot of questions in this one question, I know.

2.) What should you do when you realize you have to poop immediately after you put in a new tampon? I've been mulling over this one for years. Luckily (or, actually, unluckily) for me, my poop opportunities are few and far between, and usually, I empty out right at the beginning of my period. But there are those rare instances when I do get caught with a tampon in and then get the urge to purge my bowels. It's so confusing because I don't know whether to pull out the new tampon, and risk getting all scratched up, or keep it in and risk "delivering" it in the toilet. I usually just spazz out, grimace and remove the scratchy tampon.

3.) Exactly how long do you have to leave a tampon in to get Toxic Shock Syndrome? One of my friends left her tampon in for 10 friggin' days, and even had sex with it up there, and she's just fine. Do women even get TSS from tampons anymore?

Earlier: Ten Days In The Life Of A Tampon
Jezebel Crashes The Tyra Show's Vaginas Episode

Feminine Hygiene Commercials Are Rarely Genius

Dodai — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Over on AdAge, there's a commercial for a company called Libra. In the spot, a woman on a rooftop rocks out on guitar as video game shapes fall from the sky. The licks are hot, the chick is cool, and the tagline is: "Play with patterns." The product? Tampons. Because having your period rocks! Actually, the ad's not bad — at least there's not blue mystery liquid being squeezed from an eyedropper or a beaver involved. As AdAge's Charlie Moran points out: "We like rock 'n roll as a source of female empowerment, but doesn't such a contrived packaging gimmick like this play into stereotypes about the frivolity of those same young girls?" Ugh. Why is "feminine hygiene" such a tough product to sell? Women menstruate. They need tampons. So how come tampon commercials rarely hit the mark?

As Tracie wrote in her post about period dramas, blood makes people uncomfortable. TV commercials are gleaming, clean shiny things where no one bleeds or poops (ever see the All-Bran commercial where bricks stand in for crap?) Especially not women. The new Tampax commercials feature "Mother Nature" giving a woman her "monthly gift," which is a red present. Not bloody jelly blobs coming from her uterus, but a neatly wrapped box that might as well have a cashmere sweater inside. I'm not saying that I want to see blood in tampon commercials. I don't know what I want to see. And it seems like the ad execs don't know either. When it comes to period ads, what would you like to see? Have there ever been any ads that you thought were well done?

The Libra commercial:

A Touch of Feminine Hygenius [AdAge]
Earlier: The Importance Of Being Able To Change Your Period Products In "Public"
Leave It To Beaver

The Importance Of Being Able To Change Your Period Products In "Public"

Tracie — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:00:00 EDT

Sharing experiences of certain bodily functions are milestones in intimacy with significant others, like pooping while they're in the house, vomiting on them when you're sick, or farting in from of them. Once you can do that shit (literally), you know that you're comfortable in your relationship. But there's one final frontier of unpleasantness that means you're really close: changing your pads and tampons in front of your boyfriend. (I say "boyfriend," because I'm assuming this isn't as much of an issue in lesbian relationships.) Some guys are apparently squeamish about this sort of thing, probably the same ones who are weird about period sex. But can you really have a lasting relationship with someone if you have to hide bloody cotton from them?

Of the dudes I polled for this post, most of them had the same answer: "If I'm into her, that stuff doesn't bother me." Which is the right attitude to have, although when asked if it was more intimate to insert a tampon or remove it, they all said they'd be less bothered by witnessing insertion. One guy actually said, "You know I'm a little crazy about blood and HIV and all that." HIV!!! On a tampon!!!

So when in a relationship do you cross that barrier? For some of us, it's not really a choice. When I was 17, I changed my pad at my boyfriend's house and his dog found it and tore the shit out of it and got it all over the upstairs in his house. We were at the movies at the time, so his brother-in-law had to clean it up. I was mortified and actually, looking back on it, they were kind of asses for telling me about it, just to embarrass me. The silver-lining to that is that period stuff has never embarrassed me at all since then.

Anyway, I've always thought it is bizarre and unacceptable when guys who like anal sex are weird about when girls talk about pooping. It's like, you know what? That hole was actually made for poop to come out, not for your dick to go in. And I think it's equally bizarre and unacceptable when guys are weird about their girlfriends changing their period products in front of them. I understand that the need for a level of mystique to keep things sexy, but it's almost impossible to sustain throughout the course of a relationship: it's exhausting. It's also damaging: trying to mask the reality of our bodily functions from men simply reinforces the idea of women as sex objects, not human beings.

Earlier: How Do You Break The Poop Ice With A New Paramour?

Tampax has announced that it will launch ...

Maria — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 10:20:00 EDT

Tampax has announced that it will launch a group called the "MonthlyGiftClub" (as in a menstrual period is a "monthly gift") for the tween social networking community Stardoll. For those of you over the age of, oh, 13, Stardoll is basically just a really watered-down version of Second Life, where girls can create avatars and join clubs. Anyway, the MonthlyGiftClub will provide members with white clothing (taking a "visual cue" from tampon ads that signal that a brand's products are "safe and absorbent") and members can sign up to receive free samples of Tampax Pearl tampons. Sounds okay, but maybe a better "visual cue" would be to give non-members sweatshirts to wrap around their waists and eventually have one girl run to the locker room in tears after some idiot boys point out spots on her backside? [Brand Week]

This Week We Loved Our Moms, Our Undies, Ourselves

Jessica — Fri, 09 May 2008 18:20:00 EDT

We agreed we would lie to our kids about our debauched pasts. There will be fewer than eighteen of them, trust.
You could do a lot of debaucherous damage with these crazy underoos from the International Male folks.
We didn't just talk about International Males, we discussed international and race relations, and vowed to try harder.
We also gave some real talk about sex writing.
More real talk: forgetting there's a tampon in your twat.

We got to know virgin-hoarding cult leader Michael Travesser and his band of wack jobs.
We got some LOLs out of douchefessionals John Fitzgerald Page and Paul Janka.
We said goodbye to our own Jennifer, who is departing for greener Polo pastures. She will be missed!
This weekend, pour one out for all the white wine drinking, on-the-toilet phone talking, track suit wearing mommas out there. Happy Mothers Day, moms; we love you!

Girl After Our Own Drunken, Period-Sexed Hearts Crashes Tyra

Tracie — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:00:00 EDT

A bunch of "party girls" went on Tyra to talk about their heavy drinking and late nights out, but Tyra turned it into a therapy session of rehab, with counseling from Dr. Drew and reformed porn star Mary Carey, acting as sponsor. We were supposed to view the three party girls as having serious problems, but one girl, Shay, seemed so upbeat and good natured and young that we're thinking that she's not so much an addict, but just someone who's a lot of fun and making mistakes in her youth. (Or maybe it's just that she particularly spoke to us, because she unapologetically divulged stories about getting totally shit faced, sleeping around, and having period sex but forgetting that a tampon is in there.)

Earlier: Period Sex: A 'Do' Or A 'Don't'?
Ten Days In The Life Of A Tampon

Reader Roundup

Jessica — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 16:45:00 EDT

Best Comment of the Day, in response to, Sex And The City Lingerie: I'm Just Not That Into It: "They going to brand the hell out of this. Now: SATC tampons: super slim Charlotte for your light days, Miranda for medium flow, Carrie for heavy flow, and super size Samantha for when you can't quite cram a whole roll of paper towels in there." We say: It's not Samantha's fault she's got a wide-set vagina. • Worst, in response to Is "Sex Addict" Memoirist Kerry Cohen Even Actually A Slut?: "go suck a fake dick fake slut." We say: hey punchyourself. Go punch yourself.

[Image via Oh! My God! I Miss You]

Ad Libs

Dodai — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 14:30:00 EDT

When you first see this woman walking down the street with her fuzzy pet rodent, her cheerful disposition set to upbeat music might fool you into thinking this is just another cute Australian commercial. But! Even though the woman and the Castor canadensis get their hair did, nails painted and hit the beach, she's not actually hanging out with a beaver. The critter is a symbol. Because as the voiceover explains, "You've only got one. So for the ultimate care down there, make it U." The ad is for U brand tampons. Have there been complaints? Yes. Has the ad been pulled? No. Is it offensive? You be the judge. Click the picture to see the clip. [AdFreak, News.com.au.]

This Week, Serena Van Der Woodsen Gave Us A Shout-Out

Jessica — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 18:20:00 EST

The official Gossip Girl blog declared Jezebel as heroine Serena van der Woodsen's special friend.
35% of you would not ask a man to marry you! 40% say you wouldn't rule it out, but it's not at the top of your to-do list. Only 15% would ask in the future, and 9% already did. Fascinating!
Who cares about marriage?! We made chocolate penises!
We liveblogged the snoozy Oscars and declared fishy to be fabulous when it comes to red carpet fashion.
We snooped with Harriet M. Welsch.

We learned that 74% of women in their 30s are very or extremely willing to marry for money, and that Lindsay Lohan wears a diamond-encrusted cross.
We discovered that Bret Michaels and George Bush have a lot in common. No word on how George Michael fits into the military industrial equation.
We giggled at black hairstyles from back in the day. Jheri curl!
We did not take dumps in front of dudes.
But we did flush our tampons down their toilets.
So go get your seven-year-old a a mani-pedi and enjoy your freedom, you fucking dykes!

Flushing Your Tampon Should Be An Inalienable Right, Period.

Moe — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 16:40:42 EST

I dated a guy once who cared a lot about the environment. "I hope you don't use those awful plastic applicators," he told me once when I was on the rag. And I don't, because you can't flush plastic applicators, but I broke up with him anyway, and I would probably extend this policy to anyone who told me not to flush my tampons because of the environment or the pipes or whatever. In modern society our sewage systems should be equipped to handle whatever fluids we secrete on a regular basis, in addition to whatever amount of paper is required to absorb said fluids, and if that isn't the case, well, that is why it is great to be a plumber during a recession. The whole point of tampons is that you can flush them, and there is nothing more irritating to me than the male housemate who exclaims, once the first backup occurs, "Oh my god you've been FLUSHING YOUR TAMPONS?!"

Like, yeah motherfucker, that is what you do. I didn't choose to have a motherfucking period every month, but I was sufficiently blessed to be born in a country where most citizens have televisions and access to cars and the toilets are evolved many stages beyond the outhouses and holes in the ground used by our ancestors. So WHATEVER. I refuse to buy into this "don't flush tampons" crap when there are people who still can't pick up their dog shit and also people who charge their companies to fly around their own private jets and people slaughtering crippled cows and people mutilating other people's genitals...anyway, you get the idea.

Oldies But Goodies

Dodai — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 14:40:00 EST

This tampon ad is either refreshingly honest or vaguely crass. The copy reads, "If men were shaped like most tampons, the human race would have died out by now." And by "men" they mean "penises." Click the picture to see the complete two-page advertisement, including an illustration of a grumpy, square tampon. [Vintage Ads]

Tampires: Tampons That Want To Suck Your Blood

Slut Machine — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:00:00 EST

Tampires

Above is a clip of a commercial for a fake line of tampons called Tampires. The entire idea is so genius and the headline writers/horror enthusiasts in us can't believe we never thought of the pun before. Oh, and BTW, Tampires totally uses red liquid in the commercial instead of the standard aqua-blue.

5 Things Every Female Virgin Should Know (And No One Will Tell Her)

Slut Machine — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 18:00:00 EST

The other day we were informed about a young man who didn't lose his virginity until he was in his 20s and created a website on which he writes really obvious — but also valuable — relationship and sex advice for guys who are inexperienced with women. I even learned something from his post about basic stuff no one ever told him about sex! ("If the girl gets too wet during sex it can reduce the friction to the point where you don't really feel anything." I had no idea!) Anyway, inspired by his work, I decided to write a primer for female virgins. Because although women usually learn the basics through friends (or magazines like Cosmo), there are still aspects of sex that we're forced to learn the hard way. After the jump, the five things about sex most other women are too prudish or ashamed to share.

1.) It Feels Better Without a Condom
You know, people really get on their high horse when it comes to using condoms. Here's the thing: You know those PSAs or HBO Families in Crisis movies about the importance of safe sex? And there's always a guy who's like slimy and tries to sweet-talk his girlfriend into having sex without a condom because "it feels better." Well, he's right. It totally does feel better. I know, know! Condoms are important for many reasons and you should wear them. But for me, it feels way more natural without one and I'm much less likely to get a UTI. And if he re-ups and is able to fuck you again, and you guys go through with foreplay again, it doesn't taste as gross when you go down on him.

2.) Queefing
We've been over this. But in addition to what was already discussed, I'd like to add that you probably won't need to worry about queefing the first time, because most likely, you're so new down there that you're pretty much airtight.

3.) Location, Location, Location
Your pussy is prime real estate. If your body were a Monopoly board, your clit and vadge would be Boardwalk. A lot of guys don't know what the hell they're doing, and sometimes they just poke their dick around blindly. Make sure you guide them to the front hole, 'cause If he accidentally jams it in your butt or your taint, and you're not ready for it, you're not gonna like the way it feels. Trust! Which brings me to number four...

4.) Lube, Lube, Lube
This is seriously the most important thing for D in the V. (Or B...but no butts yet, I said!) Ideally, you want to be so turned on that your vadge is naturally wet, but that might not happen the first few times, for whatever reason (nervousness, fear, etc.) So just make sure you have a bunch of lube on hand. However, if you got a lot of bottled lube down there, you shouldn't attempt doggy style, because all that stuff will get in your pee hole and it will give you the mother of all UTIs.

5.) Tampons Will Fit Better After
No joke. They really will. I was never able to get tampons up there before I lost my virginity, probably because I was too tense whenever I tried. But the weekend after I did it for the first time (and the second, and third, and fourth, and so on), I decided to try to insert a slender/regular, even though I didn't have my period. Not nearly as much resistance and I was able to get the entire thing up there.

So there you go! Now, if you ever get around to it, you won't be so lost when you actually try to fuck. Just remember to be safe and wear a condom. (Even though, yeah, it feels better without it.)

For Guy Virgins: Basic Things No One Told Me About Sex [Dating Groundwork]

Earlier: Queefs: What's The Etiquette For Dealing With Air Up There?

Reader Roundup

Jessica — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:50:00 EST

Best Comment of the Day, in response to Period Dramas, "Now I'm scared some poor girl is gonna get something stuck up her hoojie on my advice. Ask your gyno before doing anything dumb with your cooter. That is all." We say: those tepid, dubbed-over birth control commercials could use a jargon shakeup: "Nuva Ring may not be right for you, so always consult your doctor before doing anything dumb with your cooter." • Worst, in response to Period Dramas: "After two kids even the supers don't work through strenuous bending when it's really coming. So I use two [tampons] on day two. One goes in after the other. Maybe this is for post-birthers, only, but I've never had a problem." We say: the childless whores here at Jezebel are now terrified of potential tsunami-style flows. Yikes!

[Image via Oh! My God! I Miss You ]

Is Anyone Still Scared Of Toxic Shock Syndrome?

Jennifer — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 16:30:00 EST

Helena Holmes, a 17-year old girl from Hull, England, came down with a devastating case of Toxic Shock Syndrome and subsequently went bald. But while bald, Helena was spotted by a modeling agent, who then signed her to a 3-year contract. (Thanks, Tampax!) Here's a question: Although most of us born before 1985 were duly warned about the dangers of TSS with regards to tampon-use, we haven't heard about it in years, nor known a woman who has suffered from it. (Apparently there was an outbreak of cases in the 80's, but things cooled down after that.) Anyway, in the interest of public service — and because, well, today is a reeaalllly slow news day — we've decided to ask the question: Does the fear of Toxic Shock Syndrome send you running to the Always aisle? (Side note: Maybe the easiest way to avoid TSS is to acquire a fashion-industry-mandated eating disorder and stop menstruating altogether!) Let us know after the jump.

Bald Toxic Shock Girl's Misery Turns To Joy After Winning Three Year Modelling Contract [Daily Mail]
Toxic Shock Syndrome [Kids Health]
Toxic Shock Syndrome [Mayo Clinic]

Happy Turkey Day!

Slut Machine — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 19:00:00 EST

We're not gonna be blogging tomorrow, because our hands will be too busy shoveling food into our mouths, but we'll be back for a half-day on Friday. In other news, wanna really freak out your family this year? Make a Thanksgiving Day centerpiece entirely out of tampons! What you'll need: About 6 dozen tampons (regular size), paint, "wiggly" eyes, a glue gun, newspaper, cardboard, tape, and a sick sense of humor.

Turkey [Tampon Crafts]

Girls in sub-Saharan Africa miss as many ...

Jessica — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 17:45:00 EST

Girls in sub-Saharan Africa miss as many as four days of school each month because they don't have the necessary supplies to staunch their period blood. As a result, Always and Tampax are launching an awareness-building and fundraising program in the U.S. and Canada to help the situation. Um, did Always and Tampax ever think that maybe just giving African girls pads and tampons would be more cost-effective than spending millions of dollars making North Americans aware of the problem? Just saying. Also, yes, this is another excuse to use that creepy anime period cartoon. [MediaPost ]

The French are always comparatively so much ...

Tracie — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 19:45:00 EST

The French are always comparatively so much more progressive about sex and nudity and all the sort of stuff that Americans are all prudish about, so it's not surprising that this French print ad for Tampax is so in-your-face about the fact that vaginas actually, you know, bleed. Where as in the U.S., our tampon commercials warn against "spotting," the dangers of white pants, and use blue liquid to demonstrate the fluid retention of pads, this ad just puts it out there: Tampax will stop the bleeding, thus save your life. (Click tag for full-size image.) [Copyranter]

There are more uses for tampons than plugging ...

Tracie — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 15:45:00 EDT

There are more uses for tampons than plugging up bleeding orifices. [Jesus, Tracie. -Ed.] You can make a bouquet of fake flowers, or a gun, or a pan flute, or a wiener dog. [Crabmommy, Tampon Crafts via Strollerderby]

New Tampon Reduces Risk Of Toxic Shock, Bacteria

Tracie — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 09:30:00 EDT

Scientists have developed a new tampon that reduces the risk of toxic shock syndrome. What the hell took them so long? The new 'pons contain a fiber finish — called glycerol monolaurate — which decreases the production of the toxin that causes TSS. Supposedly this new miracle tampon also makes for a healthier vagina overall, as that fiber finish creates a protective bacterial balance. Johnson & Johnson, makers of Tampax, hope to have the new, safer tampons on store shelves soon. TSS came to the forefront in the late 1970s and early '80s, when several girls died from leaving their tampons in their bodies for too long. But it hasn't been much of a big deal since then. Like, have you ever heard of anyone getting TSS? It's almost like an urban legend at this point. Still, we're glad some scientists care enough about our vaginas to try and keep them healthy.

New Tampon May Cut Toxic Shock Risk [CBS News]

Oprah Winfrey Once Lost A Tampon

Anna — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 15:15:34 EDT

Once a week, our friend Slut Machine (link NSFW) presents her take on the week's girlie gabfests. Inside: Barbara Walters talks about her cruise-ship experience with Judge Judy. (Cruise ships? Ugh. Didn't they read that Harper's piece by David Foster Wallace?); Tyra trills over lesbian sex; and Oprah's "friend" loses a tampon. Plus, after the jump, see stills and commentary on the week's other best bits.

One of the best Tyra episodes this week was when she interviewed families raising conjoined twins. And even though it was a whole show packed with biological anomalies, the biggest freak of all was Tyra, natch. One of the guests was a Spanish-speaking woman, and although they had a translator on the couch, Tyra insisted on speaking pigeon Spanish to her, going into an elaborate explanation of why she can speak more than one language. Typical Tyra—always turning the interview back on herself.

As for Oprah, well, the woman loves her regulars. You know, first it was Dr. Phil, then Nate Berkus, Dr. Robin Smith, and of course, our favorite shit talker, Dr. Oz.Dr. Oz was on to talk about poop for the third time this year. This time they were discussing color more than shape. Although they did get into the shape issue. Turns out that s-shaped is the best, but comma-shaped crap is cool, too.

Speaking of, I almost made and exclamation-shaped poop in my pants when I saw that Judge Judy was on The View this week.OK, I know this is like incredibly faggy of me, but what I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall of that cruise Babs took with Judy and the New York Post's Cindy Adams. Seriously, and here I was thinking that Rosie's "R Family" was the gayest cruise ship you could go on. Wrong!

The View also did a little summer fashion service-y segment of cheap shoes.
I know that they meant "inexpensive" shoes, but "cheap: certainly works a lot better. Check out the latest innovation in footwear: Church key soles. Am I the only one grossed out by the concept of taking the bottom of my shoe to the mouth of my bottle? This one is even more bizarre:I know that this is supposed to function so that you don't have to carry around a wallet or a purse with you, but for real, think about the situations in which one would need a single key, a rolled up dollar bill and a credit card/form of I.D. That shoe is one baggie and syringe away from being the awesomest, police-eluding drug kit.

Protect Yourself With Playtex!

Anna — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 15:45:04 EDT

A stun-gun that looks like a Playtex tampon? If only finding a tampon in the bottom of our bags wasn't so goddamn difficult, we'd actually be into this. [Feministing]
A travel industry is sprouting up around the new trend of couples who go on vacations specifically to conceive. Guess alcohol is out of the question. [ABCNews]
Speaking of babies, mothers nowadays are telling their daughters to focus on their careers before having children. Hey, considering the news about a possible new anti-menopause pill, that might actually be a pretty realistic suggestion! [Telegraph]

What really constitutes porn for women? [Huffington Post]