The suspect, Kat McGrath, was reportedly celebrating the results of her A-Level tests at a house party on the night Alyn Thomas, 22, was killed. Thomas and McGrath, who had been dating for a year, according to the DailyMail, allegedly had a fight during the party, and Thomas was found dead in the basement of McGrath's home hours later. "‘It is terrible, just terrible. Alyn loved Kat to bits. She did fine in her A-levels and went out with a lot of friends from school later to celebrate. It was a big day for them all," says a friend of the couple, "We don't know exactly what happened later but Alyn is dead and the police have got Kat for it."

This story is unfortunate on many levels; a 22-year-old is dead, an 18-year-old has been accused of murder, and the story itself is already being played up as a Lifetime movie in the making: much attention is already being paid to McGrath's A-Level student status and the fact that her boyfriend, Alyn Thomas, had listed "I love Kat" twelve times in his MySpace profile while McGrath's interests were "music, party dressing, reading and acoustic guitar." It's a strange method of attempting to determine a motive (or, in this case, to presume McGrath is guilty) by scouring online profiles and making sweeping judgments based on MySpace pictures and test scores, but it's the norm whenever a story like this comes about, as I suppose nobody wants to believe that violent crime can strike, and come from, just about anyone. In any case, I suspect we'll be hearing much more about Kat McGrath in the coming weeks: the story is sad, and it is terrible, and perhaps worst of all, it's the kind of thing that sells.

A-Level Student Accused Of Killing Boyfriend After Party To Celebrate Results [DailyMail]

Adeola Matanmi, a high school sophomore, says she's heard plenty of people placing the blame on Rihanna. "People said, 'I would have punched her around too,' " she says, "And these were girls!" Kriana Jackson, also a sophomore, admits that her peers tend to make light of serious situations as well: "There was a girl at school this week with a scratch on her eye," Jackson says, "She was talking openly about her boyfriend hitting her, but she was smiling and saying it was funny."

A lack of education and proper information regarding the signs of abuse may be to blame for the rise in abuse in romantic relationships amongst teens. As Esta Soler, president of the Family Violence Prevention Fund, notes, "This incident has brought the issue into sharp focus. This type of education is not happening in any broad or consistent way. We need to take it to scale, to make sure it's happening in every community."

In Chicago, the group Between Friends seeks to educate teens to recognize the signs of unhealthy relationships: "When we first get there, it's not unusual for kids-both boys and girls-to say it's OK to hit your girlfriend or boyfriend," says director Kathy Doherty,"By the time we're done, they say, yes, it is abuse, and, no, we shouldn't do that."

Even if teens are able to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship, they may downplay them or turn the blame on themselves, as escaping from said relationships is extremely difficult when one has to attend the same school with their abuser on a daily basis. The rise of text messaging, cell phones, and constant communication also makes it easy for abusers to retain tight emotional control over their victims. The difficulty lies in teaching teens to recognize the difference between love and obsession. It's a tough lesson to learn for many young people embarking on their first serious relationship: the notion that "this is just how things are" is something that needs to be broken down and disproved. If we don't teach children how to recognize unhealthy relationships, they might not realize when they are in one, or know how to get out.

Many Teens Blame Rihanna, Say Dating Violence Normal [Chicago Tribune]

Earlier: Lawmakers Attempt To Stop The Rise In Dating Abuse Amongst Teens

Shannon, who was last seen after an argument with her parents regarding her social circle, had been missing for several months before her body was found in a drainage ditch, less than a mile from her home in Broomfield, CO. Alexander Paul Pacheco, Shannon's boyfriend, denied that he had any knowledge of Shannon's whereabouts, and even helped out during the search efforts, going door-to-door to try to locate Kelsey. "My fianc? has ran away wake up every day wondering if your okay I don't know where you are or if your near or far there is no withdraw as bad as this . . . she made me straight when I was bi now I cry all by myself completely alone without my spouse my one true love my gorgeous swan my graceful dove," Pacheco wrote on his MySpace page.

"Her parents disagreed with her hanging out with him," said Stephanie Kostur, a friend of the Shannon family. Pacheco and Shannon were allegedly involved in the Juggalo scene, meaning that they were fans of the band Insane Clown Posse who like to paint their faces who have reportedly been "associated with gang activity and violence across the nation and in Boulder County," according to the Boulder Daily Camera. One hopes, however, that the focus here will not be on the music these kids listened to: there are plenty of people who listen to darker music who don't end up killing their friends or loved ones. While there are plenty of legitimate criticisms to be made about Juggalo culture, it does not alone explain Pacheco's alleged behavior, but rather points to the fact that someone with violent tendencies may just be—shock!—attracted to dark, violent music.

Perhaps the focus should be shifted to Pacheco's blog posts, which display the mind of someone who is extremely emotionally troubled, referring to a 13-year-old girl as his "fiance" and noting that he'd kill himself if she never returned: "I would never think twice about doing something so hertfull and selfish . . . she would always tell me that she would kill herself if I for some reson stoped seeing her . . . If she dosent come home befor chirsmas. Im going to top myself some time after new years," Pacheco wrote.

Pacheco, who was arrested in September for underage drinking and theft, refers to himself on said MySpace page as "Tha Widowmaker, and wrote in a recent post, "We would always talk about how we were going to get mirred and grow old together. Shes my everything."

Boyfriend Arrested In Broomfield Teen's Death [Boulder Daily Camera]
Boyfriend Held After Girl's Body Found [UPI]
Missing Girl's Beau Held After Body Found [Denver Post]

Elizabeth Olson of The New York Times explores the recent push toward raising awareness and creating laws that protect juveniles who may be trapped in an abusive relationship, and sadly it seems that the states that are finally moving to protect young people are the same states where brutal attacks had to occur in order for lawmakers to really recognize that abuse amongst young daters is, in fact, a serious problem.

Olson notes the changes in Texas, which "recently adopted a law that requires school districts to define dating violence in school safety codes, after the 2003 stabbing death of Ortralla Mosley, 15, in a hallway of her Austin high school and the shooting death of Jennifer Ann Crecente, 18, two years ago," and goes on to detail programs in Indianapolis and Rhode Island which were similarly set into place after a young woman lost her life to an abusive partner. Olson also provides some startling numbers regarding the rise in teen violence over the past ten years; in New York state, lawmakers changed current domestic violence laws to allow teenagers to obtain restraining orders in family court "after a survey by the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene showed that dating violence had risen by more than 40 percent since 1999, when the department began asking students about the problem."

So what's to blame for the rise in abuse amongst teen daters? Technology may be part of the problem; with cell phones, internet profiles, and text messaging, obsessive partners have the ability to track their mates at all times, leaving little privacy or escape for those who feel trapped in an unhealthy situation. Dr. William S. Pollack of Harvard University explains the obsessive need to text as such: “usually when adolescent boys get involved with girls, they fall into the societal model which we call ‘macho,’ where they need to show they are the ones in control.” The overbearing "Where are you? Who are you with?" calls and texts, therefore, are a means to grasp that sense of control.

Kayla Brown of Indianapolis was trapped in such a relationship. Her former boyfriend was "calling me every hour to see where I was and what I was doing,” Brown says; he eventually ended up raising his fist to her in an argument. Brown followed her mother's advice (her mother had also suffered from domestic violence) and began ignoring the boy, which seems to have worked, yet other young women aren't so lucky. Heather Norris also had an obsessive boyfriend; her mother recalls that he would text her constantly: "When he would call or text her, she had to answer right away or there was trouble,” Deborah Norris says, “She became quiet and withdrawn around him, and that wasn’t like her.” The alarm bells were set off for a reason, sadly: Heather was brutally murdered in 2007 by her former boyfriend, Joshua Bean, who was convicted in September.

As a result, Heather's mother has created a website called HeathersVoice.net, which is designed to help young women spot signs of an abusive relationship. The Indianapolis police department has also had extensive training on how to spot the signs of abuse in relationships. Yet one can't help but feel heartbroken that young women have had to die in order for lawmakers to recognize that domestic violence and abusive relationships have no set age range. Perhaps the best we can do for our younger sisters, our friends, and our daughters is to give them the proper tools to recognize the difference between a boy who loves them and a boy who simply wants to control them. Knowing how to tell the difference may make all the difference in the world.

A Rise In Efforts To Spot Abuse In Teen Dating [NYTimes]
[Heather's Voice]

Just start carrying a small stuffed animal as a conversation piece and spilling your drink on attractive men and you'll never be stuck at home watching Dallas reruns by yourself again!

The Art Of Meeting Men [Videogum]