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Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
Wedding Mockery: All's Fair In Love And Tulle

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Grim Reaper of the Forest
06/26/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
People mock to reinforce their own choices and bond with their community against others. Obviously it is fun to laugh with friends, but there always are the few arrogant or bitter people who take it just a little too far.
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SharonTaint
06/26/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
As if acknowledging how tacky it is makes it any better?

It would be one thing if she's just a fool, but she's pretty much being quite cavalier about her conspicuous consumption.
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quietgrrrl
06/26/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
I can't help but wonder how these comments would read if the post had just been the wedding pictures and not a commentary against mocking people.
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Hana Maru
06/26/09

@quietgrrrl: In that case, I would have steered clear.
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outsidevoice
06/25/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
If I'm like other Jezebels, the virginity-patriarchy tie-ins are a joke at this point anyway, so shouldn't we all be like Yanna and feel free to just have BAMF dream parties that express our wackiest inner desires when we jump into a boring taxable institution?

Mine will have a bouncy castle and a mariachi band.
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argle-bargle? or fou-ferraw?
06/26/09

@outsidevoice: can i come?
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itsonreserve
06/25/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
Honestly, there as a former wedding waitress I've never been to a wedding where there wasn't someone snarking about some "tacky" thing in the bathroom with another guest. Tacky is so subjective anyway, they could post a different type of wedding on that site every day and someone would hate it. Someone hates your parent's wedding, someone will hate your wedding if you have one, and some will hate every other wedding for some dumb reason until the end of time. I hate a lot of weddings, and I laugh at them openly. That being said, there is a difference between making sassy comments with your friends or looking at the pictures and giggling, versus posting nasty things on a stranger's facebook. That ain't snarking, that's basically trolling.
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queenieinmanhattan
06/27/09

@itsonreserve: Exactly. "Everyone thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor. But they couldn't possibly all have good taste."
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queenieinmanhattan
06/25/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
A wedding is a party, and it should reflect your personality. If you love fireworks, have 'em. Chances are you can't afford to do that at every party you throw, so why not do it once, and for an occasion for which people are willing to travel to join you for the celebration?

Every day I grow a little less comfortable judging people in a way that feels values-oriented when it comes to what are primarily aesthetic choices (the Hummer aside, perhaps). I'm done. Blah.
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lolacat
06/25/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
Personally, I think using the GNR November Rain dress is all sorts of awesome. The only thing that raises my eyebrows is that there are, in existence, three Huummer limos with furry interiors. Knowing what goes on in the back of rented limos, I'm getting a little OCD.
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clevernamehere
06/25/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
I'm not a huge fan of big, expensive weddings. I can't see myself ever having one, even if I had huge gobs of money. But I still have fun at them because, hey free booze and food with people I like (otherwise I wouldn't go).

I find it a bit ridiculous that people are so offended by how much some people spend on weddings. I might think its a bit silly and if they're going into debt a bit foolish, but they aren't harming anyone. In fact, those big huge weddings pump a lot of money into the economy, particularly into the service and retail sectors. Sure, they could give the money to charity instead, but its not like they're out killing baby seals.
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Hana Maru
06/25/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
Y'now, I have come to hate the whole backlashy hipster wedding thing, where you're supposed to eat barbecue off a bar floor in your duct tape dress or something. I grew up in a very liberal community and, though I wanted to have a personal, small, inexpensive wedding, the admonishments from everyone to do so drove me up the wall. I felt like people would be snickering behind my back if I went traditional or expensive. Plus everyone, even my family, kept warning me to not be "one of those Bridezillas" I got so much praise for saying that I wasn't having bridesmaids, that we were getting married outside in a field under a tree, etc. It's kind of a reverse snobbery.

And having gone through the work of planning a wedding(even a small simple one) I really see the sexism in the "Bridezilla" meme. You have to plan a big, important event which reflects on you as a couple and on both families. Most brides have no event planning experience and no help from the fiancee, and yet they have to manage and negotiate with site people who want to make you book the whole weekend, dressmakers, printers, caterers, florists, all looking out for themselves and their bottom line. Meanwhile, you have to get on people to R.S.V.P. when they want to just play it by ear, parents who want to let their kids run wild, guests who have beef with other guests, parents who want to do things their way, and you have to manage all this. Basically, you have to BE A BITCH to get your wedding. And that's okay. I don't at all regret the things I was assertive about. I do still regret having let people walk all over me about some things because I was afraid of being a bridezilla.
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clevernamehere
06/25/09

@Hana Maru: I have yet to actually see a friend of mine turn into a Bridezilla but I have seen them balance demands from their family, his family, the groom, and what is possible based on budget.

I'm sure some people out there go bridezilla, but I think a lot more are called bridezilla based on things like not allowing +1s.
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lolacat
06/25/09

@Hana Maru: You personalized the whole point of the post. The "modern" take on the wedding is for it to genuinely be the Bride's day. If she is a hipster, then she can wear plaid and have black nail polish. If she is a princess, then get the fluffy dress. Unfortunately, we have some wierd judgy thing going on where we get to lash out at any woman who actually gets what she wants. Why do we have to justify this? I think it is one of the few areas where a girl gets to celebrate her private ideal of femininity. I think it is all rather sweet.

P.S.- Bridezilla's are like porn- you know them when you see them.
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Hana Maru
06/25/09

@clevernamehere: Oh, I doubt there's a huge percentage of brides who are genuinely mean to people. There's all this condemnation of them, though. I think that's just because it's so galling when women are the boss of something, especially something that draws attention to them
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Hana Maru
06/25/09

@Hana Maru: *It's not the hipster weddings that I hate(I kind of had one), it's the idealization of them as being so much cooler and more ethical than something more traditional, along with the condemnation of princessy stuff. To each their own, I say.
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clevernamehere
06/25/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
What I find the most amusing is the number of people who posted on her Facebook page to tell her that her wedding was tacky, making themselves 1000x tackier than the bride.

There are many self-professed classy people out there who really have no idea what classy actually means.
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picassobear
06/25/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
I mean how is a website like tacky weddings any different from awkward family photos? Yet a lot of people see no problem with that site. If you have a Shrek wedding or a bright purple and red wedding dress and you put pictures online expect someone to notice. Obviously Elfes didn't deserve hurtful comments as she did nothing wrong, but she knew this was an out of the ordinary wedding so by putting the pictures online she puts herself at risk of getting attention for it.
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Hana Maru
06/25/09

@picassobear: I actually hate Awkward Family Photos. It seems excessively cruel for the same reason.
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Penny Farthing
06/25/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
I feel entitled to have an opinion on weddings that are engineered to be displays of something, to "show up" other women, to make people jealous or to make people think the couple or the couple's parents have a ton of money. I feel entitled to have an opinion about weddings that are overwrought and uselessly spendy because some spoiled brat thinks she "deserves" a coronation.

Actually, I feel "entitled" to have an opinion on any wedding, because I'm human. Jeez!
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clevernamehere
06/25/09

@Penny Farthing (the former MGB): Projecting much?

There are lots of wedding items I feel are silly (tiaras are high on the list), but I don't go around ascribing hurtful motives to them.

Last year I went to a wedding where the bride wore a tiara, did the bouquet/garter toss, and had a money dance- all of which I dislike. The wedding also cost more than any wedding I could imagine having. But it never even occurred to me that they were trying to show my single self up or show off how much money they have. I don't around looking for insults.
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Hana Maru
06/25/09

@Penny Farthing (the former MGB): EVERY wedding sends a deliberate message about the couple and their families. That's the nature of the public ritual. Whether it's a message about wealth, or understated tastefulness, or hipster ambivalence, there's a message to the community. I have friends who had lavish princess weddings and though they were expensive, they were done with the intent of showing their guests a wonderful, luxe time. I was thrilled to go and eat lobster and toast their future.
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icingsugar
06/25/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
I think it is unfair to make this into an issue. I enjoy sites that promote bad taste. I grew up on John Waters, so what do you expect? Suddenly I am not supposed to enjoy Sexy People, Cake Wrecks, or Tacky Weddings? I wouldn't call it girl-on-girl crime to enjoy pictures of things done in poor taste. I guess I understand that bad taste comes from good intentions, so I just enjoy it on its own merit. I think men and women are equal in their seeking out of tackiness on the internet, and I would further venture that I have seen male-dominated internet communities be the most vocal about being cruel about these things.

People who put things on to the internet are open to people looking at what they have put out there. If you post ANYTHING on the internet there are ways to track you down, no social networking profiles needed. If you have facebook profiles and tag your friends photos, your whole album is now open to not only your private friends, but now every friend of every person you tagged.

One of my good friends writes a column for an online paper about art. You would not believe the cruel things that people write about her and her writing. And if she makes the move to remove hateful comments she is further criticized.

I tell all my friends, there is a seedy underbelly to the internet. If you don't take steps to protect yourself you are vulnerable. But bigger than that, just be proud of whatever you are doing and don't pretend that it is anonymous and no one will know about it. If you post anything who cares what other people think. If you had fun and chose to document it, who cares what other people say?

That woman's wedding was a bit tacky (to me), but you know what? She looked happy, her family and friends looked happy, and you can tell everyone had some fun that day. They are nice photos and she shouldn't care what other people think. Isn't a wedding supposed to be about your own personal meaning, anyway? She had the day of her dreams and who cares if I giggle about it later?

(I do not in anyway think that tagging her photos with malicious comments is okay. I follow the hiking rule, enjoy it and leave no trace.)
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Hana Maru
06/25/09

@icingsugar: It's unfair to you because you like sites that mock ordinary people, but the bride who's actually been dragged through the mud by assholes in the internet should get a thick skin? Perhaps you should consider this article part of that "seedy underbelly" and toughen up, yourself.
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amowls
06/25/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
Um. Weddings are not sacred, sorry. The whole point of a wedding is to show off, anyway.
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NellMood
06/25/09

@amowls: I don't think that's the whole point, at least not to everyone.
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clevernamehere
06/25/09

@amowls: Weddings are a sacrament in the Orthodox and Catholic churches, on par with things like baptisms.
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Hana Maru
06/25/09

@amowls: The point for most people is to celebrate their commitment and the joining of their families with a fun party for their friends. And yes, they are sacred to many people. I would hardly put ordinary people having a wedding on par with say, famous people tipping of the tabloids to the location of their dinner date.
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vulcanized
06/25/09

In reply to Who Do We Feel Entitled To Mock Other Women's Weddings?
I find it amusing that this article seems to be condemning wedding mockery when this very website has collected and run terrible bridesmaid dress photos.
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NellMood
06/25/09

@vulcanized: Interesting point!
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clevernamehere
06/25/09

@vulcanized: But those are photos that people posted of themselves, which is a little different than posting photos of someone else's wedding. The people who sent in the photos hopefully know the bride wouldn't be hurt- a lot of people laugh over their wedding choices years later.
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