This Week In Tabloids: John Travolta Took Tom Cruise On a Sex Retreat
Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we melt our brains down to a thick, soupy liquid, load it into squirt guns, and chase our crush around the park until we pass out.
This Week in Tabloids: Scott Disick Wants Kendall to Be His Teen Bride
Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we cry and cry and cry and mix our tears with grenadine and put it in a ziploc bag and mail it to Selena Gomez so she can serve it to her enemies as a signature cocktail at her next Bachelor viewing party.
This Week In Tabloids: Rihanna Says Leo Is 'The Best She's Ever Had'
Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we open our tiny beaks as one to accept a regurgitated gluten-free salad of Lisa Rinna's discarded saline injections. This week: Amal and George are DUNZO YOU GUYS, Scott dumped Kourtney for booze & pills, K-Stew is settling into a "funky" lesbian lifestyle with her future wife, two…
Kris Jenner Goes HAM On InTouch Over Transphobic Bruce Jenner Cover
Sound The Alarm: "Kris (Jenner) has cut off contact with In Touch, Life & Style and all Bauer publications" in light of the recent Bruce Jenner-reimagined-as-Stephanie-Beacham-from-Dynasty cover controversy, a source informed the New York Daily News. THIS IS WAR, Kris bellowed at an unnaturally high pitch for a woman…
This Week In Tabloids: Bruce Jenner Photoshopped Into Contoured Lady
Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we frantically shovel the crumpled up pages of inTouch, OK!, Life & Style, Star, and Us Weekly into our gaping food-holes until, ink-stained and up-to-date on human stuff, we are sated. This week: InTouch grabbed some pals of Bruce Jenner to crowdsource a photoshopped image of what he…
This Week in Tabloids: The Queen to Kate: 'Bitch Y Aren't U Fat Yet'
Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which a monkey who lives behind a dive bar in a tourist town in Costa Rica makes a Zen garden out of cigarette ash in the parking lot and rakes it back and forth very slowly until he dies. This week, Pitbull tryna get it in with J.Lo, Scarlett Johansson likes to have sex in cars, Scott…
This Week in Tabloids: Taylor Swift & Karlie Kloss in Super Sexy Love
Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which a goat wearing novelty sunglasses climbs to the top of the Empire State Building and whispers "CELEBRITY" before plummeting down to the ground. This week, Miley Cyrus made her wedding rings out of rolling papers; Kendall Jenner is getting ready to play The Most Dangerous Game;…
This Week In Tabloids: Ariana Grande Makes Staff Carry Her Like a Baby
In this week's Midweek Madness, Angelina Jolie is in love with someone who is not Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston is reaching out, Miley Cyrus is pregnant with a Kennedy baby and/or the coke bloats and Justin Bieber's former pet monkey is not in a forgiving mood. Onward and downward, chums! Straight into the fiery pits…
This Week In Tabloids: Miley's Coke Parties Have Offended the Kennedys
Welcome back to Midweek Madness where each week we dip a toe into the shit pool known as Hollywood! Today, Kim and Kanye are headed towards ruin, Channing Tatum is trying to Magic Mike his way into another baby and Kate Middleton has exposed herself as a psychic and possible Grand Supreme. Cut with the hesitation,…
This Week in Tabloids: Taylor Swift and Harry Styles Are BFFLs Again
Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which a small blue choo-choo train gets halfway to Los Angeles and is like, "You know, I'd rather not." This week, Kim Kardashian's ass is as wide as 9 Big Macs, JLaw worries that someone's going to leak a sex tape, and Amanda Seyfried's dog won't stop taking dumps.
This Week in Tabloids: Rihanna Is #1 on Cara Delevingne’s Fuck List
Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which we line up our collective fantasies like so many bowling pins and roll a heavy ball of disappointment down the alley at the end of the world. I'm your host, a sleepy Pomeranian, and I urge you to join me this week, in which Amanda Bynes is living off gift cards, North West is on a…
This Week in Tabloids: Is Lionel Richie Khloe Kardashian's Real Father?
Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which you and I take our mortal clay to the Lord's pottery wheel and gently shape a glittery turd to pass back and forth between our butts forever. This week, Ariana Grande refuses to shower after the gym; Lionel Richie created Khloe Kardashian out of his very own sperm-buddies;…
This Week's Tabloids Were the Worst of the Year
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we wearily turn the pages of Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch in an attempt to glean some knowledge. This week was so bad: Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are "getting divorced," Jennifer Aniston is pregnant again and every tabloid is filled with really boring…
This Week in Tabloids: Everyone Is PREGNANT and/or DUMPED
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which in which we we struggle vainly to make meaning of the vast abyss contained within the pages of Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week: BEYONCÉ PREGNANT, MARIAH DUMPED, and KIM both PREGNANT & DUMPED.
This Week in Tabloids: InTouch Runs Truly Vile Robin Williams Article
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which in which we take a mental vacation to the land of celebrity gossip, via the pages of Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week: InTouch wrote a disgusting and disgraceful article in which they fabricated Robin Williams' suicide notes; OK! put the phrase "Kim:…
Angelina Jolie Sues the Daily Mail Over Heroin Video
Angelina Jolie joins George Clooney in openly hating the Daily Mail.
George Clooney Rejects Daily Mail's Apology, Deems It 'The Worst'
Earlier this week, editors at the Daily Mail removed a story from the paper's website after George Clooney pointed out that the "article" was complete and total fiction. The Britloid issued an apology; and today, Clooney has rejected that apology, in writing.
Week in Tabloids: Bachelorette Andi Got Pregnant in the Fantasy Suite
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous gossip and "read" the tabloids so you don't "have" to. This week: Beyoncé and Jay Z visit Gwyneth's "conscious uncoupling" marriage counselor; Jenna Dewan and Channing Tatum are on the rocks; and the Bachelorette got knocked up in…
No, Casper Smart Sexting Trans Women Doesn't Make Him Gay
The horrendous tabloid coverage of Jennifer Lopez's supposedly "cheating" boyfriend Casper Smart's communications with transgender women is reaching a fever pitch, and of course, they're pulling out the usual bullshittery when it comes to any story involving trans women or the possible transition of a celebrity.
This Week in Tabloids: Casper Smart's Trans Crush 'Curvier Than JLo'
Welcome back to Midweek Madness! Every Wednesday, Callie Beusman heads to the newsstand to pick up the brand-new, just-off-the-truck issues of In Touch, Life & Style, Us, Ok!, and Star, so that together we may "read" the gossip so you don't "have" to. This week was slow. SO SLOW. But we do have a "scandal" involving…
