crappy hour

North Korea To Eat Again!

Yo citizens! North Korea was just about to celebrate its 20th anniversary on our State Sponsors Of Terrorism list when Condi Rice went and pulled them abruptly off it. Now she's telling everyone we'll be sending them food and shit!! Megan is skeptical about this, but with food prices where they are right now and all the international finance institutions tipped off to North Korea's phony money and the lid blown off their whole deal with Syria, maybe Kim Jong Il himself started feeling hungry. I don't know, he's been hiding from he paparazzi lately, but it's a thought. Anyway, so you think ending the Cold War was a good idea? How do you chemically castrate someone? Why do some polls say Obama is like 29 points ahead and others say it's a tie? Now that the Supreme Court is starting to look like they're sort of "over" killing people, how'd they rule on the DC handgun ban? And now that he's dissed Scarlett Johansson, what beautiful and lofty thing will Obama sell out next? Those questions (and many dumber ones) answered after the jump. More »

crappy hour

Paging Jeremiah Wright: There's A White Guy Stealing Your Show!!!

And in the end, it was a white Catholic guy who drove Barack Obama to quit his radical, black Muslim separatist Church of Latter-Day Erstwhile Standup Comedians. Anyway, meet Father Michael Pfleger. He doesn't even preach at Trinity Church, he's just a regular on their "You Can't Do That On The Vatican" open mic nights, and dude. Here's the clip of Father mocking Hillary's sense of white entitlement climaxing with a showy display of a handkerchief and a plaintive wail of: "THERE'S A BLACK GUY STEALING MY SHOWWW." Now, a lot of you are going to be offended by Pfleger, and I would be too, if I hadn't watched it directly after checking out his fellow YouTube sensation and Hillary-turned-McCain supporter Harriet Christian whoa-viating about Obama being an "inadequate black male." Anyway, the Christian-Catholic showdown continues after the jump, where I Nexis Pfleger to learn about of his white-hating ways and briefly digress on Pakistan, Puerto Rico, Tatum O'Neal, Geraldine, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and more, with Megan after the jump. More »

crappy hour

PA. Kids Punished For Choosing Obama Over Nothingness

Aw, look at the cute boys from Scranton who got suspended for cutting class to see Obama! They missed a quiz on The Stranger. "Existentialism is dead," one said. If only we could say the same for killing the Arabs, kids! So yeah, we really, really wanted to play hooky today. It's hot in my house and most of the "news" today consists of different ways of saying "Barack Obama is fucked and can't win and has alienated every typical white person he has ever encountered blah blah, blah blah and oh yeah Eliot Spitzer fucks whores; stop me before I kill my laptop without remorse etc." So yeah, Megan and I decided to talk instead about Syria and North Korea and all the other places we could totally obliterate, plus who bought the securities backed by mortgages in Gaza, but we don't really find any answers. Click or don't click, it doesn't really matter. More »

crappy hour

Sure, Hillary Won Pennsylvania, But Barry Nabbed The Hateful Ignorant Fratboy Demographic!

They are known to let dead people come back to vote for ward leader in Philadelphia, but when I arrived at my polling place of the last two elections yesterday, I found my name mysteriously removed from the rolls. My friend and South Philadelphia homeowner Ryan, meanwhile, got turned away for not being a Democrat, even though he changed his registration the last time he realized the Green Party was lame during last year's mayoral primary. Look: the last machine still running in Pennsylvania runs its voters. Hillary was going to win that. No one on Crappy Hour ever predicted Barack was going to carry this, or even get close, or if we did it was a joke or we were too hungover to know what we were doing, obvi. So I'm not really that mad about Barry's inability to "close the deal." I am, however, kind of baffled by the Abercrombie & Fitch thing. From blind gayvotion to NAFTA to centimillionaire executive pay packages to endemic racism to bland pointless predictability Abercrombie is the epitome of everything about the America that is not "ready" for a black Muslimy Marxist freethinking president. Were those the best white kids you could find, Axelrod? That and more minutiae with me and a very hungover Megan after the jump. More »