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In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
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loubatie
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
Maybe it's just me, but I didn't find much wrong with this column. Yeah, the writing is not super-sophisticated, but I thought that it came across as really honest and upfront and a bit humorous. She was curious about the whole open-relationship thing, thought she could explore it, but got freaked out when she realized just how "open" the dude and his girlfriend are. Honestly, I would have been hella freaked too. One girlfriend, perhaps I could handle. But the primary gf's husband and his gf too, and the other gfs, and all the bodily fluids swimming around? It's not about maturity, it's about what we want from our relationships, and no effin' way for me!
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boxspelunker
01/19/09

@loubatie: Open relationships aren't for everyone, and I think she was pretty disrespectful of their choices. If it wasn't for her, she could have asked a few questions to make sure, then skedaddled. She didn't. Instead, she wrote a column about these people's personal lives and made it seem like they were CRAZYSHITHONOES and that was really it. It could have been a good read had she not tried so hard to make it shocking. It was a surprise, sure, but it wasn't like people were dying.
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sequined
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
I'ma admit it: this line cracked me up: "I hadn't been anyone's playmate since fourth grade."

I've been lots of people's playmate, and let me tell you, it is not a bad deal.
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mythago
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
1) How old is this person? Fourteen? I think my teenage daughter has less angsty mental whiny drama than she does.

2) If you find yourself inexplicably and repeatedly drawn to fucked-up men, you need therapy, not a relationship.

3) I know of at least one movie not to bother seeing next year, as Ms. Screenwriter has exactly one co-writing credit to her name:

[www.imdb.com]
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DangerMouse
01/19/09

@mythago: I love IMDB sites for movies that have not--and may not ever--come out. I'm just going to call myself a screenwriter on facebook. I hear that calling myself that makes it true.
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
Modern Love. Really? Like, modern as in, "teenage"? I ask because that's what this sounds like. "OMG, a new relationship *didn't work out???* Life is SO unfair and mens are evil and why won't anyone love/marry/have babies with meeeeee???" Pleh. Come on, I just ate.
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tscheese
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
1) Lady has had bad luck with dashing, charming types. (Well, okay.)

2) Lady looks for something else. (Right. I'm with you so far.)

3) "Oh look," says the lady, "a nerd! He'll totally love me and things will be rad because goodness knows a nerd could never bother me and engineers are totally safe and there's no way in hell he could ever surprise me! Hell, I probably surprise him with my glamorous lifestyle!" (Uh, have you ever MET an engineer? They are humans, too, and it's quite possible that they're more knowledgable than you about something, or interested in things you're unfamiliar with, or--)

4) "OH GROSS HE IS TOTALLY INVOLVED IN SOMETHING I AM NOT COMFORTABLE WITH," says the lady, "EWWWWWWW. LIFE IS BAAAD." (Well, uh, okay, if you're not comfortable with open relationships--I'm personally not comfortable with it either--that's okay, but uh, do you really have to assume you're the first person to whom this has ever happened? I mean, you don't have to like it--if it bothers you, break up with him and move on!--but why do you get your own piece in the Times about it!?)

5) "WHY DON'T I HAVE FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATES AND PARIS AND CASTLES AND ROMANCE AND THINGS THAT ARE PERFECT BAWWW", says the lady. "THIS SHOULD BE A ROMCOM BECAUSE IT IS SO ORIGINAL AND UNUSUAL."

Um, it's not. This happens to everyone. You get romantically involved with someone, they turn out to not be compatible with you, you move on. Yeah, it sucks when a person you've been casually dating turns out to be into things you're not comfortable with, but holy shit, it is not the end of the world. And it's not really original or cute, either. It's the same vapid claptrap nonsense that chickflicks are always built on.
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LindsayC: doctoral hilarity ensues
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
Hilarity? Rom-com? I didn't find it funny in the slightest. Did I miss some subtle humor? Was this over my head?
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Jello Mix
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
I don't want to sound vain, but I think it was about me.

She sure doesn't write like somebody who doesn't want to sound vain.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
01/19/09

@Jello Mix: Yeah, anyone who says, "I don't want to _______________" is usually doing exactly that.
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NefariousNewt
01/19/09

@Jello Mix: But she does write like some who rips off Carly Simon and hope no one notices.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
I have to admit that I sympathize with her pathological curiosity about these people. I doubt I'd have been able to help stringing him along myself, if it meant getting more information.
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Little Green Frog (Wise Latina)
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
Who was this Jezebel? She was brilliant!

All right, girls. Fess up. Which one of you was the engineer's girlfriend?
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boxspelunker
01/19/09

@tscheese: I love it when people use the word "BAWWWW" to show dismay. I imagine a cow face. On a person.
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NefariousNewt
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
"adventurous, charming, yet fatally flawed boy-men"

That sounds like a category on Jeopardy.
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the once and future estrojen
01/19/09

@NefariousNewt: Uhhh... Who is George Clooney...?
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emilyanne
01/19/09

@NefariousNewt: who is Colin Farrell? Or should that be unintelligible, fatally flawed boy-men?
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Eyebrows McGee (now with more baby!)
01/19/09

@NefariousNewt: yeah, the whole "Ruppe has bad luck with men. She's drawn to "adventurous, charming, yet fatally flawed boy-men"" thing makes it hard for me to feel bad for her. But maybe I'm just a little worn out with friends who are making the same disastrous dating choice OVER AND OVER again and then moaning about how it keeps working out the same.

(friend with two broken engagements to crazy women he had just met on his belt is about to leap feet-first into engagement #3! With a crazy woman! He's just met! She's different! It's love! They can't wait!)
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KittyKittyCat
01/19/09

@NefariousNewt: It reminded me of the discussion we had on here a while back about Michael Cera's characters. The male counterparts of the manaic pixie girls.
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the once and future estrojen
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
After reading this, I need to

a) eat a pint of ice cream
b) go shoe shopping
c) call my wackiest sidekick gal pal (preferably African-American) for some advice couched in trite rhetoric (preferably a shopping, shoe, or ice cream analogy)
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vulvateen
01/19/09

@estrojen: the part of item c will be played by Whoopi Goldberg, or perhaps Wanda Sykes. Also there will be a montage scene of you two shopping, eating ice cream/drinking white wine/ or coffee together,laughing and then high-fiving each other after you find your perfect new look/haicut/outfit in time for your date with the hot new guy in town.
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the once and future estrojen
01/19/09

@vulvateen: "We're gonna need a montage!"
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boxspelunker
01/19/09

@estrojen: MONTAGE

Show lots of things, happening at once

To show it all would take too long

Each new scene shows a little improvement...

MONTAGE
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NefariousNewt
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
...or such thorium-weight dialogue.

Sadie, you sure know how to excite a word nerd.
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sportz.star
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
No wonder newspapers are losing ground to blogs. Bloggers often write without editing and publish quickly. Newspaper features are edited, and this is what they come up with. Bleh.
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emilyanne
01/19/09

@sportz.star: probably true and yet part of me thinks that the issue is that newspapers are trying to be like blogs and thus throwing the basic principles of writing and reporting out of the window in favour of 'honest to blog' immediacy. Even ten years ago something like this probably wouldn't have been published but journalism is increasingly solipsistic and I cannot help but think that the internet has played at least a partial role.
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Chatsworth
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
I kind of enjoyed this one, after the many recent hateful and self-hating ones. Sure it was cutesy, but this is "Sunday Styles" after all. I read it as a woman showing up a man as an idiot and a manipulator and being caught out in his game, and I felt it reflected badly on men rather than women.
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lilbobbytables
01/19/09

@Chatsworth: I personally think that he was upfront with his relationship situation. Granted, he could have perhaps brought it up sooner, but I dont know what the exact timeline was for these two cats hanging out, or whether other factors were coming into play. I can understand that an open relationship is not attractive to everyone, but I thought it was unfortunate that she became so judgemental and overwrought about the situation.
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LaLixa
01/19/09

@Chatsworth:@ agreed. Open relationships and the like are unfortunately stomping grounds for manipulative people in general, male and female. They are dangerous for people who don't have strong personal boundaries and/or have been abused.
Sounds like she was curious and wanted to use the experience and that she was honest, something the male was not. Didn't read as funny to me, more like a warning.
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boxspelunker
01/19/09

@LaLixa: Having been in an open relationship myself, I have to agree. It takes very specific kinds of people to make it work, and sometimes, it just doesn't.

It was the one relationship in which I was cheated on. I consider it cheating because my partner hid things from me, despite us deciding that it was fine to sleep with others. This was also the relationship in which I discovered my partner had no idea that STDs can be transmitted through oral sex and wasn't getting tested. And hadn't been for over two years.

You need people to come right out and be like, "Yes, I am in an open relationship. This is how it works. I am interested in you. Does this work for you?" I felt the man in the story wasn't really that forthcoming right away - being in one of these kinds of relationships, I think, means you have to come out pretty quickly and let the person know.
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cantstopwontstop
01/19/09

In reply to In Which "Modern Love" Makes Us Embarrassed To Be Women
Someone published this shit? It reads like a 3am facebook note written by a Adderalled-out undergrad who REALLY considers herself a Carrie and would only do anal in highschool to keep herself "pure". She probably makes more money than I do, is prettier than I am and has been published (albeit this shit) in The Times. Excuse me while I go vomit and sob at the unjustness of it all. "I mourned this new blow to my trust in people." SERIOUSLY? Cue the Pulitzer people, we have a winner....

Oh man, I AM cranky today....
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JessicaLovejoy: Laughing, riding, cornholing!
01/19/09

@cantstopwontstop: You are so pissed. I kind of love it.
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lilbobbytables
01/19/09

@cantstopwontstop: I dont understand how the fuck this was a blow to her trust. He was honest about the situation. Perhaps he could have brought it up sooner, but it is hardly an egregious breach of trust. Even if the hallowed Moby invitation was extended.
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DangerMouse
01/19/09

@Jessica Decapitatey Lovejoy is now on Facebook! Friends, p...: Forget kind of love it, I friended that.
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