I grew up a swimmer; I spent 10 years on competitive swim teams, six of which were spent on co-ed teams, so to me, Speedos are uniforms, meant to be worn while racing. And though Speedos as beach wear for men aren't as popular in the States as they are in Europe, the ol' "Oh, dude, I saw this guy in a Speedo," story comes up nearly every time someone I know goes to the beach. But upon reflection I've realized that this is a bit messed up: saying something like, "He should not have been wearing that Speedo" is akin to saying, "She doesn't have the body for a two-piece," is it not?

Fashion retailer Alan Kelly tells O'Connell that Irish men prefer Bermuda shorts at the beach "because this type of shorts covers a multitude: if you are tall and skinny, then it covers your knees; if you are big and stout, then it will cover stocky legs. So it suits all shapes and sizes, which is important for Irish lads!" A sign that though it isn't reported nearly as often, men struggle with their body image when choosing swimwear as well; they just don't have a Cathy representing them on the comics page, I guess. Tom Julian, a stylist, tells the Houston Chronicle that men shouldn't wear Speedos because if they "are you're of a certain age, it looks like you're trying too hard. Some men actually think if they dress like a surfer or a swimmer, they'll get the hot girl. In most cases, it doesn't work." In other words, men have to deal with "age appropriate" swimwear choices, too.

However, this doesn't really answer the main question: outside of racing, should anyone really be wearing Speedos? Or is it a fashion faux pas, like socks with sandals? I guess my take on it is this: if you are comfortable enough with your body to rock a Speedo, and you're not being that creepy guy at the beach who sits a certain way to give the ladies a view they did NOT ask for, then good on you, man. However you want to spend your time at the ocean is your biz. But if the men of the world get a pass on wearing Speedos, then they need to back the fuck off whenever a woman who doesn't look like Adriana Lima dares to wear a two piece. We should all be working towards a culture where it's not what we are wearing, but how comfortable we are wearing it, and maybe that starts with both sexes finally giving a little credit to those who are comfortable enough to show their bodies at the beach without really giving a damn what anyone else thinks.

My Irish boyfriend, however, answered O'Connell's question with a big ol' "Ah, no. For fuck's sake."

Advice For Male Shoppers: Speedos Not For Everybody [Houston Chronicle]
Should Irishmen Wear Speedos? [Irish Times]

The "Game Girl" layout in the May issue — shot by Inez Van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin, whose work we have gushed over before, features tableaux of Daria Werbowy "beating up" guys in the desert. It's a little Death Proof and Thelma & Louise and kinda silly, but also unexpected and visually arresting.

The caption reads, "Daria vs. Greg Bonnet, Plumber."

Here, Daria has her way with cinematographer/photographer Blair Madigan.

Seeing a female model be "aggressive" and physical with these men raises so many questions: Is she on a rampage? What made her snap? Did these guys do something to "deserve" an ass-kicking?

Obviously, because of Rihanna, issues of male/female violence are in the air right now. Certainly, were the tables turned, and a male model were striking out at random women, it would not be acceptable.

And yet… Isn't that the point? Aren't women usually the mistreated props? This guy is identified as a truck driver, a profession often stereotyped as being insensitive to women.

This is Dewitt Cannon, a champion skateboarder — a pro in something thought of as a boys' club.

Here, Daria is pictured with Josh "the Baby Faced Assassin" Barnett, a heavyweight MMA fighter. And while we can question whether this entire photo shoot is about male/female power struggles, clichés regarding what's really "tough" and turning violence or subjugation of women on its ear, the truth is, it's just an interesting idea for a swimwear layout, and one of the asses kicked is Lucky's.

Earlier: French Vogue: The Wind Beneath Our Wings
French Vogue: All Lara Stone, All The Time
French Vogue And Ambivalent Modern Motherhood
Cindy Crawford In French Vogue: 42, Half-Naked & Smoking Hot
Gender Bender: Agyness Deyn Mans Up For French Vogue
Kate Moss In French Vogue: Biker Chic(k)
Bon Joor, C'est Paris LOLVogue Encore!
What's The Message Behind A Black Man In Heels On The Cover Of Vogue?
French Vogue: Now With More Bearded Drag Queens
Olivier Theyskens Totally Naked in French Vogue: Hot or Not?
Mon Dieu! C'est French LOLVogue: Shoulders, Champagne and Cigarettes
French 'Vogue': Devil Worship Is The New Black!

Yes, the string bikini is a "classic." That cannot be disputed. But does this one fit? Do the strings need to be tied a little tighter on that top? Do I sound like my mother?

Please to be explaining how this is "sporty." Also, will someone please help this woman? She is clearly stranded on some sharp rocks, and the hat won't be of service.

Just in case the swimsuits haven't been small enough for you, or haven't shown enough skin, here we have some cut-outs.

This is alright. But isn't it funny how the suits in Glamour, which offered more coverage, seemed more flattering to the body and less strained?

The single one-piece shown in this feature seems to lack both lining and support. It does offer boobsquash! Is this a desirable look?

Frankly, these cups could be a smidge wider.

This is a heavenly little suit, which is maybe why we only see one set of footprints.

Earlier: Lucky's "Month Of Outfits" Breaks The Bank
Lucky Editor Ponders Purchase Of $225 Sweat Shorts
Recessionistas: Lucky Will Help You Spend What Little Money You Have Left
Lucky Promotes "Nude" Shoes, But For Whom?
You'll Need Gold Bars To Afford Lucky's "Loose Change"
Lucky Magazine Brings Outrageous Fortune To The Less Fortunate
Ali Larter: Lucky Girl

There's pear-shaped!

There's small-boobed!

There's "has a belly"! (The copy reads: "But feel free to keep doing crunches!" Yukyuk! And I do mean yuck.)

There's giant rack!

And, what do you know? Big all over!


Of course, these are not models but "real women," so it's okay that their bodies are shaped kinda funny, right? That's why after this uplifting series of shapes and sizes, the VERY NEXT PAGE is:


Hey, lose weight! That is a command! Whether or not you need to lose weight, you should probably take off say, 8, 10 or 12 pounds. We'll show you how! Feel free to keep doing crunches, LOL.


But it's the main feature well where a plus-sized model is used. And this, friends, is a Big Deal. High-profile photographer Patrick Demarchelier. One model, getting all the attention. On a beach, which means plane tickets, which means $$$. And the results are pretty glorious. We're not saying this is a full-on trend, but the Australian edition of Harper's Bazaar just did a plus-size shoot as well. But back to Glamour: Is it odd that the magazine refrains from using the word "plus sized" and makes no note of the fact that its model is not the usual size four? Let's take a look at the language (and the pretty awesome pictures):

The hed and deck use great words like "sexy" and "goddess," but the caption? "Got curves? Ruched fabric (that's fashion for those pleats) cinges them while camouflaging lumps and bumps ." Emphasis ours, clearly.

I have no problem with this and may even frame it.

No language issues here, either, though she looks a wee bit uncomfortable.

This copy reads: "Love the retro red! We already know men are into it (duh!). But really, when you want to smolder, there's no better color." Yes, friends, we put on swimsuits not because we're going to SWIM but because we have to please THE MENS. Never forget.
Also, while there are no prices listed on these pages, so as not to distract you from the pretty, pretty pictures, in the back you'll find that the first suit is $325; the pastel bikini is $232; the black suit with the plunging neckline is $260 and this red one is $350. Happy recession!


‘Harpers Bazaar' Showcases Plus-Size Model Love [BlackBook]

These are a few "casual" ensembles by Victoria's Secret. Cleavage is a focus in half of them, while the green number on the far right seems designed for immobility.

How Athleta does "casual": This woman is ready to walk Barcelona, hike Machu Picchu or have a glass of rosé in Rome. (A wee drab but functional.)

Vicky's workout routine: Pose like you know he's watching.

Athleta's workout routine: (Yoga) Pose like you know what you're doing.

Victoria's Secret swimwear: Barely covers the breasts; designed to expose. Note how the ladies do not get wet but just hover near the water.

Athleta's swimwear: Designed to fit. Infers that a woman can actually enter the ocean in the garments.

Another swimsuit shot: Vicky's ladies enter the water. Wearing sunglasses and bangles. But they still offer to thrust their breasts in your face and maybe even take off their bikini bottoms.

Another Athleta swimsuit shot: These women are too busy having fun to give a shit about you.

[Athleta]
[Victoria's Secret]

Anyway, it just reminded me that the one time I didn't mind my swimsuit was a period during which I worked as a lifeguard and the style was to layer swimsuits: a new tight Speedo underneath, with the chlorine-loosened uniform Speedo over that — bringing back layering could be cool — but even then the only reason I could stand it was that I had enough time, what with lifeguarding being the world's laziest job, to apply enough sunscreen and self-tanner to be actually somewhat tan. So yeah, those days are over, and the swimsuit is dead to me now. But I'm open to suggestions!

Out With Vegas, In With Vamp [NYT]
Golly! Be a Hot Tamale In Kamali [Observer]

See? There's an isty bitsy floral two piece for EVERY body type under the sun. Unless you are athletic. Then you'd better cover up a bit.