Those are the words of Keith Lewis, the pageant's executive director, who also says this year's competition, "will change the essence of Miss California USA from a bathing suit beauty contest to the style of a runway show during fashion week." I'm not sure that "a runway show during fashion week" is actually more "progressive" than a "bathing suit beauty contest," but Lewis's statement does seem to imply that the pageant wants to move far away from everything last year's Miss California, Carrie Prejean, stood for.

From the emails they exchanged, it's safe to assume that Lewis is no big fan of the deposed Prejean. And I'm willing to bet that more than one pageant organizer was unhappy with an "opposite-marriage" advocate representing California (as a transplanted Californian myself, I thought the combination of Prejean and Prop. 8 made "our forward- looking state" seem pretty backward). Carrie Prejean only added to the existing stereotype that beauty pageants are for hyper-conventional women with reactionary values, and Miss California may be trying to de-pageant itself in order to escape this perception. The organization also plans to name two winners at its November 22 competition — if they really want to change their image, maybe they should crown a couple.

Miss California USA Strips Away Swimsuits [MyDesert.com]

[Miami, July 16. Image via Getty]

MIAMI BEACH, FL - JULY 16: A model prepares backstage at the Marysia Swim 2010 fashion show during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Swim at Oasis at The Raleigh on July 16, 2009 in Miami Beach, FL. (Photo by Michael Buckner/Getty Images for IMG)

[Beijing, June 8. Image via Getty]

BEIJING - JUNE 08: Model walks on the runway during 2009 HOSA CUP the 6th China Swimming Wear Design Contest at the National Aquatics Center on June 8, 2009 in Beijing, China. (Photo by Feng Li/Getty Images)

While the colors and the patterns on these swimsuits are fun — and there's certainly more fabric here than in the entire Lucky shoot — the bloomer-ish bottoms make me think of "full" diapers.

I definitely had a windbreaker like this as a kid. And hey, look! An Asian model! Is the 1972 Sears catalog more diverse than Vogue?

Is it the insanely long crotch, the slight flare, or the sea-sick colors that make these jeans "nautical" ?

The Asian girl seems to be saying, "How come everyone here looks like Jan Brady except for me?"

Wow, strawberries! On pockets! Far out!

The young lady with the megacollar purple shirt is saying to her friend with the apple belt, "Mary Jo is always opening her skirt. What a slut."

"Hahaha, anyone know any good sailor jokes?"

Did you know that 1972 was the Year of the Dress? Apparently, it was also the year of red, white and blue. And gingham. And hideousness.

SOMEONE ALERT KANYE WEST!!!1!!!! Yeezy: The gauntlet has been thrown. It's your move.

Ah, "The Rugged Ones," for roughing it, out there in the harsh terrain of the strip mall.

"No way, Jose, my dad sells way more used cars than your dad."

I'm just going to go ahead and point out the fact that the kids with brown skin are not, repeat NOT in the hero cowboy gear. Instead, they get some sad buckskins they probably traded some land for. Really, though: It's not the '70s unless there's a dude with an Afro in a Native-American-influenced getup. See: Jimi Hendrix. And Cochise from The Warriors.

So, which drugs were popular in 1972? Marijuana? Shrooms? LSD? Is there another explanation for these pants?

Check out the saucy minx in the middle, exposing her yellow leg for all to see! Slow down, you move too fast.

"Special" is a good word for it. A '70s-PC way of saying, "more likely to get beat up on the playground," no?

"Elementary, my dear Watson. And by 'elementary,' I mean 'elementary school.' Where I will be going… someday."

Finally! A situation in which jumpsuits are appropriate. The pink "bubble" sunsuit on that little girl, however, still brings to mind dirty diapers.

And look! Speaking of poop: While she tries to hold it in, the elephant just lets loose!

Earlier: The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

The Best & Worst Of 'International Male,' Summer 1986
The International Male 1986 Holiday Catalog: The Recockulous Jackpot!

Yes, the string bikini is a "classic." That cannot be disputed. But does this one fit? Do the strings need to be tied a little tighter on that top? Do I sound like my mother?

Please to be explaining how this is "sporty." Also, will someone please help this woman? She is clearly stranded on some sharp rocks, and the hat won't be of service.

Just in case the swimsuits haven't been small enough for you, or haven't shown enough skin, here we have some cut-outs.

This is alright. But isn't it funny how the suits in Glamour, which offered more coverage, seemed more flattering to the body and less strained?

The single one-piece shown in this feature seems to lack both lining and support. It does offer boobsquash! Is this a desirable look?

Frankly, these cups could be a smidge wider.

This is a heavenly little suit, which is maybe why we only see one set of footprints.

Earlier: Lucky's "Month Of Outfits" Breaks The Bank
Lucky Editor Ponders Purchase Of $225 Sweat Shorts
Recessionistas: Lucky Will Help You Spend What Little Money You Have Left
Lucky Promotes "Nude" Shoes, But For Whom?
You'll Need Gold Bars To Afford Lucky's "Loose Change"
Lucky Magazine Brings Outrageous Fortune To The Less Fortunate
Ali Larter: Lucky Girl

There's pear-shaped!

There's small-boobed!

There's "has a belly"! (The copy reads: "But feel free to keep doing crunches!" Yukyuk! And I do mean yuck.)

There's giant rack!

And, what do you know? Big all over!


Of course, these are not models but "real women," so it's okay that their bodies are shaped kinda funny, right? That's why after this uplifting series of shapes and sizes, the VERY NEXT PAGE is:


Hey, lose weight! That is a command! Whether or not you need to lose weight, you should probably take off say, 8, 10 or 12 pounds. We'll show you how! Feel free to keep doing crunches, LOL.


But it's the main feature well where a plus-sized model is used. And this, friends, is a Big Deal. High-profile photographer Patrick Demarchelier. One model, getting all the attention. On a beach, which means plane tickets, which means $$$. And the results are pretty glorious. We're not saying this is a full-on trend, but the Australian edition of Harper's Bazaar just did a plus-size shoot as well. But back to Glamour: Is it odd that the magazine refrains from using the word "plus sized" and makes no note of the fact that its model is not the usual size four? Let's take a look at the language (and the pretty awesome pictures):

The hed and deck use great words like "sexy" and "goddess," but the caption? "Got curves? Ruched fabric (that's fashion for those pleats) cinges them while camouflaging lumps and bumps ." Emphasis ours, clearly.

I have no problem with this and may even frame it.

No language issues here, either, though she looks a wee bit uncomfortable.

This copy reads: "Love the retro red! We already know men are into it (duh!). But really, when you want to smolder, there's no better color." Yes, friends, we put on swimsuits not because we're going to SWIM but because we have to please THE MENS. Never forget.
Also, while there are no prices listed on these pages, so as not to distract you from the pretty, pretty pictures, in the back you'll find that the first suit is $325; the pastel bikini is $232; the black suit with the plunging neckline is $260 and this red one is $350. Happy recession!


‘Harpers Bazaar' Showcases Plus-Size Model Love [BlackBook]

• Slut Machine finally revealed her makeup secrets by painting the tender, bearded visage of Gavin McInnes.
• Sadie debunked the art of the Facebook photo, and proved that every last one of us is a loser.
• Technicolor Kiddie Swimsuit EXTRAVAGANZA!
• Moe is a Jezebel no moe. But don't worry, she'll be sticking around these parts in spirit and in Crap.
• In our dream world, all insane divorce cases would be tried in the court of Judge Judy.
• LOLHillz!
• LOLVogue! Week of 10,000 LOLZ!

• Teri Garr reminded us that there are still many funny, funny ladies in modern film who we'd like to befriend.
• Estelle Getty is a friend who will be missed.
• Even though working during a beautiful summer's day is the pits, it's the weekend, y'all! So enjoy your damn selves.

(Click on an image below to start the gallery view)

Becoming a lifeguard involved no small amount of courage for me, as I was a really big dork, and lifeguards tend to be Abercrombie people, something I vaguely aspired to be, until I realized they thought Dave Matthews was really good. Becoming a pool operator also involved some sort of basic chemistry test, where I learned boys really do think you're stupid if you're blonde (lifeguarding involved becoming very blonde) and will be utterly shocked if you outperform them on a science test, even if they are incredibly incredibly dumb. (Boys never realize how dumb they actually are.)

Being a lifeguard involved a lot of swinging around a whistle and accidentally hurling it into people's eyes and such, and being stalked by kids in crappy condominium complexes off Route 1. No one liked to work those pools — they wanted big middle-class country clubs, with social lives and shit — but they paid better. So you'd periodically find yourself wheedled into a few shifts at, say, Meadow Woods — "Ghetto Woods," it had been so cleverly nicknamed — thrust into the disturbing position of keeping company to kids who clung to lifeguards with the sort of immediacy reserved to kids who know you will abandon them. As I grew bored of Dave Matthews, I grew fonder of those kids.

The summer job is supposed to instill in high schoolers a deep-seated sense of the imperative of a college eduction. Working minimum wage jobs is so taxing, the legend has it, that you'll never want to drop out having worked one. But a part of me — uh, probably the lobe that houses caffeine addiction — wanted to stay at my most taxing summer job, at a busy Starbucks, forever. It was enforced laziness that made me want to get out. And I am a fucking lazy person.

But laziness is a double-edged sword. I might have liked the The Iliad had I read it in a more controlled climate; I should have read more when my brain was not so damaged. Instead lifeguards taught me new ways to damage it, and I got my last tan and learned a little about how fucking depressing life is when you slow it down a few speeds.

Sink Or Swim [WSJ]

Teens Face A Tough Market For Summer Jobs [MSNBC]
Related: Economists React: "Teen Angst" Or Playing "Catch Up" In Jobless Rate? [WSJ]

Earlier: Jesus Died On The Cross So You Would Tip Your Damn Barista, Fox News

Anyway, it just reminded me that the one time I didn't mind my swimsuit was a period during which I worked as a lifeguard and the style was to layer swimsuits: a new tight Speedo underneath, with the chlorine-loosened uniform Speedo over that — bringing back layering could be cool — but even then the only reason I could stand it was that I had enough time, what with lifeguarding being the world's laziest job, to apply enough sunscreen and self-tanner to be actually somewhat tan. So yeah, those days are over, and the swimsuit is dead to me now. But I'm open to suggestions!

Out With Vegas, In With Vamp [NYT]
Golly! Be a Hot Tamale In Kamali [Observer]