sweet talk - Jezebel

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Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
Social Awkwardness, Long Odds & Sarah Palin: A Chat With Curtis Sittenfeld
Pussy, Parents And Puppies: A Q&A With Comedian Margaret Cho
This Is Not Chick Lit: A Q&A With Writer Janelle Brown

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CloudsInMyCoffee
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
I just did my first marathon last weekend and did really well, better than I expected. I was so happy about it until I got the pictures emailed to me -- I look huge and grossly pale in all of them! I don't want my concern over the way I look to override the pride I feel in my body when I run. It fucking sucks.

I'm also trying to rid myself of the sneaking suspicion that the man I was seeing decided it "wouldn't be right" for him to date me because I am a size 8/10 and he is hipster skinny. Maybe not? Maybe because he's 11 years older than me and we make each other really fucking angry sometimes? Bleh.
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ellaesther
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
Oh my goodness. I keep reading this and re-freshing and replying and not working and then reading this some more. I keep tearing up, I keep thinking about our baby girls, I keep wishing - I don't know what. That I could make it all better, I suppose.

I hope Jessica's post and all the commenting is healing. I hope all this talking and truth-telling and listening is healing.
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labeled
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
In other news, I don't know that I've felt the age gap as strongly on Jez as I do within this thread.

We are one diverse group, ladies.
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theorchidthief
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
I don't know if anyone will get to this comment but it will make me feel better to type it. I was just telling my BF this weekend how my family gave me a "piggy" placemat when I was a kid and I was always the "pig." Meanwhile I was rail-thin as a child. I spend so much time beating myself up about my body now. It is CONSTANT. My therapist has asked me several times to keep track of these negative thoughts but I can't even begin to imagine how I would do that.
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ellaesther
11/03/08

@theorchidthief: I got to it, too!

Maybe just start by making notes over the course of, say, an hour -- just one hour, and maybe not writing down the thoughts themselves, but just make a tally mark each time you have one. And then stop the clock and stop the counting. Because I can totally imagine that just the notion of having to think about it that closely could be overwhelming.
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Chimpasaurus
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
Isn't it awful that no matter what size she is a woman will find something wrong? And guys sure don't help. Growing up, I was the ugly-smart one, and my older sister was the pretty-dumb one. I was very underweight and my grandma was always trying to get me to eat more. Now that I'm 26, pretty, and pretty normal weight, they tell me I'm too fat. Now I don't consider myself fat by any means, but everyone else thinks I'm "medium thick." (I'm 5' and 115 btw). I don't wanna come off as the not fat girl who complains about 10lb--but it's so awful to have all the guys around you go on and on about how all these normal-sized girls are overweight--and I know they put me in that category. My own boyfriend who couls also lose some love-handles sometimes pokes fun at mine (until i have a breakdown and he says "no ur not fat").

It's just awful that a guy can be 30lb overweight and no one will care, but if a girl is even 5lb overweight she goes from anorexic to big girl in no time.
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TheGuvnah
11/03/08

@Chimpasaurus: please stop hanging around guys who spend their time snarking on women's bodies. that will help.
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LaFemme
11/03/08

@Chimpasaurus: Yeah, I have never ever had a guy say anything to me about my body. Women, sure, but men? Nope. If I have heard them say anything about women's bodies, it has always been in a really
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LadyPants
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
I have struggled with body issue and disordered eating patterns for years. Finally, I decided (at 30) that I've never been able to fix things on my own, so it was time to get some help. Luckily, I have health insurance so I went and found myself someone to talk to. It has only been a few months and nothing huge has changed, but I am starting to put the pieces together on some of my habits and tendencies and the reasons behind. It is difficult and scary, but absolutely worth it.
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shewar
11/03/08

@LadyPants: I hope that works out for you, really. I plan on doing the same if I ever get insurance.
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nothing_new
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
My weight is my best friend and my biggest enemy at the same time. I am a very unhealthy eater and as a result I am a very thin and very miserable girl. Being thin is comforting to me on some levels because when I walk into a room I know I will not be the smartest, most interesting, or the most socially aware person in that room but I know I am one of the thinnest and it makes me feel a little ok about myself for that moment.

I know the way I think is warped but I cannot give it up yet because if I did gain weight part of me thinks I would lose the one thing that distinguishes me from people around me. It also doesn't help being told how tiny and cute I am by shop girls and boys throughout the city. It just reinforces over and over again my thinking that the only thing people notice about me is my size.
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ellaesther
11/03/08

@nothing_new: Oh sweetie! I don't know what to say, other than I really wish I could hug you like I hug my girl. Look at all the sorrow and the pain in these comments. Think about how much you admire and love these women. Think about what you would want to tell someone you love about all this, and then try to find some way to believe it for yourself. I don't know you, you don't know me - but I know you have more to offer than your size.
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rokenrolzombie
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
I wish I could magically make everyone in this thread feel better.
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ellaesther
11/03/08

@rokenrolzombie: You and me both, sister.

And the thought that my perfect 5 year old daughter, who is Amazonian in attitude and body type, may some day be saying/writing/thinking similar things about her own perfectperfectperfect body makes me want to weep.

We were all somebody's perfect little girl once. Oyoy. I'm literally tearing up as I think about this.
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Mellu
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
((((((((((((hugs to Shewar)))))))))))
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shewar
11/03/08

@Mellu: :)
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shewar
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
I was going to avoid this post because I would only concentrate on how I hate my body. Then I got tagged in some Halloween photos on Facebook, promptly untagged myself because I looked fat, and acknowledged that there's no way to shelter myself from these feelings.

I will never stop punishing myself with crash diets, fasting, laxatives, diuretics. I will never feel full without wanting to crawl out of my skin. I dropped 13 lbs in October, I'll drop another 10 or so in November, and then it will come piling back on the minute I attempt to let me guard down. Never ending cycle.

And I am so completely envious of women who are able to accept their physical bodies. It's just not going to happen for me.

Sigh sigh sigh, end rant.
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ellaesther
11/03/08

@shewar: Oh honey, oh honey. A very big piece of me wants to say: "no, no, you will!"

But I don't want to deny your knowledge of yourself, and I don't want to deny your experience. So I will say this: It is possible. It's not easy, but it's possible, and I so, so wish you luck as you continue your struggle to find that place.
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PilgrimSoul
11/03/08

@shewar: The sad part is that I read your comment and feel only jealous of your weight loss.

But! am in month two of no longer weighing myself, but caring for myself in other ways - eating mindfully, finally getting some back problems treated, etc.
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shewar
11/03/08

@ellaesther: Thanks :) At this point it's probably going to take quite a bit of professional help to find any semblance of clarity, so let's hope Obama comes through with that lovely little health care plan of his.
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shewar
11/03/08

@PilgrimSoul: I would probably feel the same if I read someone's comment who lost 20 lbs. A little voice says "You only lost x amount, not good enough! Try harder!"

That's awesome you're finding ways to make your body feel good without the self-inflicted torture of dieting. I should probably destroy my scale as it always determines whether I'm going to have a good day or a bad day.

One thing I have managed to do is allow myself "free days" where I don't count calories. Election Day will be one of those days!
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ellaesther
11/03/08

@shewar: Fingers crossed, knocking on wood, salt over my shoulder! For you, for us, for everybody. Go Obama! (And go shewar!)
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CrankyOldBroad
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
All I can add to this thread is my profound heartbreak that so many of the Jezzies, whose comments are beautifully scathingly insightful and give me so much joy on a daily basis, are in so much personal pain about their bodies. When I log in each day, I look forward to visiting with women (and men) who are real-sized, real smart, and really challenge me to keep up on an intellectual level. I don't always feel as though I rise to the challenge, but I'm always glad I showed up.
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SarahMC
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
Another thing that nags at me and makes me feel bad about myself is the fact that I was a beautiful, beautiful baby. When I look at pictures of myself as a youngster I obsess about when and how it turn a turn for the worst.
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Princess Leela
11/03/08

@SarahMC: Was going to say this on the other thread, but it got kind of long. Anyway, as messed up as many of us are about our appearances, the beauty of this forum is that because we are for the most part physically invisible to each other, that's not what matters here. So I take what you ladies think to heart, because it means something. Sarah, I don't know why idiotically tactless people are asking you if you are pregnant, but what I DO know about you is that you are brilliant, well-spoken (or should I say well-written), and passionate about politics and the things that matter in life. I don't know if that helps, but I do strongly believe that those are the things that matter.

I'm sure you were a cute kid and all, but it's much more important that you've clearly grown up into a beautiful adult, whatever your tummy looks like.
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Wit is periodically disensouled
11/03/08

@SarahMC: I confess to having done that too. I don't know why I need to look at those old pictures of myself, but it can be downright painful at some points if I keep going until you can see everything change and worsen. I also suspect it isn't all that good for me, so I try to keep it to a bare minimum and remember how far I've come from the lowest point and what I think is pretty about me now.

No multicolored braces, for one thing. Coke-bottle glasses replaced by contacts, too, and my mom stopped dressing me a long time ago (thank God!) I still have bony elbows, but they've turned out to be relatively useful in correcting the behavior of certain male friends. Perhaps that's the unnaturally rosy version, but it's good to think about when I'm feeling the old insecurities gnaw away at me.
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hortense
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
Hey, everyone? It's probably best if people don't post numbers(height/weight/BMI) in this thread, as they are triggering to many people. Thanks!
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tscheese
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
I have no idea why I embarked on a whirlwind of disordered eating in my teens and early twenties. I don't know if it was really about control. I kind of feel like it was just for the hell of it. I wanted to see how far I could push my body because...I'd always been a chubby kid? I realized my body was like a toy I could play with, to stretch and squeeze and whittle? I liked the attention?

To this day I have no clue. How do you deal with that underlying problem if you don't even know what the problem is?
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returnofthemac
11/03/08

In reply to Body Image, Beauty Mags And The Biggest Loser: An Interview With Valerie Frankel
*Cried, WEEPED whatev
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