Susie Bright, sex-positive feminist and author, was gracious enough to help with your most troubling sex questions. All week, she and her daughter Aretha will be providing us with their sage advice. After the jump!

BF SAYS HE'S "MESSY"
My BF really wants to come in my mouth. I'm nervous about this because he says he's very messy. What should I be expecting? Is it a shooting feeling? A squirt-from-a-water-bottle feeling? I want to give him this experience but I'm afraid I'm going to end up choking or something equally disastrous. I've already gagged a couple of times after being a bit too adventurous. I do want to try it but I'm so scared!
Claire

Aretha: Are you SURE you want to try it? [Laughing] I think your boyfriend could be reassuring you a bit more. Does he know this is how you feel about it?

Susie: "Very messy?" Compared to what? I think guys exaggerate, ‘cause most of them haven't seen a lot of other guys come!

Aretha: Okay, FIRST-he could come earlier in the day, before you see each other, so that there isn't as much to deal with. The force isn't bad.

Susie: We're not talking about a fire hose; this is like a couple tablespoons at most

Aretha: Just a couple splats. Now, the taste is probably not going to thrill you-that's the thing that might make you gag, not the force of the ejaculation. Get ready to not like it. (Although there are exceptions!)

Susie: It isn't ice cream. Here's the exciting part: If you like the feeling of having someone lose control with you, you're going to love this! You won't know until you try it. It can be a real rush if you understand how much power you have. Have at least one hand on his cock so you can control it. If you start to choke, just pull back.

Aretha: Yeah- and just because he comes in your mouth, you don't have to swallow… although that will get it out of your mouth the fastest. Not too big a deal and if gets messy or whatever you can laugh about it. Have fun!

HOW MANY TIMES MUST A WOMAN BEND OVER?
I just started having anal sex with my boyfriend. We did it once. He is gentle and slow-going at it, because he doesn't want to hurt me. Although it was a bit uncomfortable, I enjoyed the sensation of it. But I didn't come. If we have anal sex as little as once every couple months, will I get used to it-and maybe come from it someday?
Jasmine

Aretha: Well, if you want to come from anything new, you're going to have to try it more than once every couple months. The first time was probably uncomfortable because it was unfamiliar to you.

Susie: I've glad he's gentle and slow…that means you can talk to him while it's happening. I like this guy already. He obviously has control of his erection, which makes a big difference! He'd love it if you talked to him. I know this is the sex educator mantra, but anal sex is about lubrication and communication-each one of those ideas is going to make a lot more sense the more you try it.

Aretha: You're not likely to orgasm from backdoor alone. Touch yourself, use a vibrator or something, so you can maximize your pleasure, which will make the whole thing go into a different dimension. Good luck!

HOORAY…YOU'RE GAY?
I've been dating a transman for a while now, who lives as a male, but has not yet undergone any hormone or surgical transition. In the beginning, he loved sex between us and made it clear he identified as a straight man, exclusively. Then, out of nowhere on our last vacation, he got drunk and kissed another GUY at the bar, which he blamed on booze. Last night, drunk again, he said he thinks he might be into guys, but wants to be with me. So, do I call it a day, not being a guy and all? I'm pretty old-fashioned and if he was a bio-dude, I'd say "sayonara" (and probably throw a "Hooray, You're Gay" party to be supportive). Or, should I wait for him to bring this up when he's sober since he keeps blowing off the drunken gay-ness the next day when I ask about it?
Allyson

Aretha: He was loving the sex with you? Do you mean that after he kissed a guy it all changed-or did your sex life get bad before that?

Susie: People get drunk and kiss other drunks all the time. But did it mean more to you at this stage because your sex life was in the toilet? It's only natural that things are going to get sloppy every once in a while, especially if your lover hasn't hashed everything out yet with his sexual feelings. Of course, he doesn't want to get "divorced" from you! You sound like his best friend. Did you witness the kissing or did he tell you about it? That's an important difference.

Aretha: If he'd kissed another women, would you have a problem with that? Is this a jealousy thing or are you starting to feel like he's not into women anymore, period? I agree with Susie, it's too early in the game to for either of you to decide whether he's "gay" or not. To the point, if the sex is sucking, who cares if he's gay, bi, or just naughty? Maybe it's time to leave.

Susie's newest book is X: The Erotic Treasury. She blogs at susiebright.com and podcasts about sex and politics weekly on: In Bed With Susie Bright.

Susie at Happy Ending Lounge, photo by Stacie Joy.

Earlier: Sexpert Susie Bright Answers Your Burning Questions
Sexpert Susie Bright Answers Your Burning Questions, Part 2

Susie Bright, sex-positive feminist and author, was gracious enough to help with your most troubling sex questions. All week, she and her daughter Aretha will be providing us with their sage advice. After the jump!

A lot of Jezzie readers asked yesterday, "Where does Susie Bright get off saying a woman can't come from intercourse alone?"

I think we have a "word" problem. When I say that penis-vagina intercourse can't make a woman orgasm, I mean that the sensation of a phallus sliding against vaginal walls is not sufficient. If our vaginal walls were sensitive enough to spark orgasm, we would all suffer horrible deaths during childbirth. It's our birth canal!

When I insist, "There's got to be some clitoral stimulation, or there's no female orgasm," I'm talking about a very big understanding of the clit. It is a lot bigger than most people think. And you can't see most of it from the outside! There's certainly more than one way to make it happy.

Let's think about men's anatomy-everyone knows what a man's cock and balls look like. If you told a man that his "penis" was nothing more than the head of his cock-his "glans"-he would laugh in your face. If he pitied you, he might tell you that there was an important aspect to the penis called the shaft, also the frenulum, and perhaps a foreskin. His scrotum and balls are part of the essential package as well.

Women's anatomy education, on the other hand, has been a giant exercise in vacancy.

Until recent times, we've been schooled that the clitoris-the female analog to the penis-is nothing more than the small glans one can see on the outside of the vulva. Start laughing. Women have a big, big, clitoral body-but it's nearly all on the inside, instead of the outdoor plumbing that's viewed so easily on men. The reason you hear so much about the "G-spot," and controversies over whether women are excited by internal anal or vaginal pressure, is because those areas are all means to massage, and stimulate, the internal clitoral body. The G-spot isn't some extra accessory; it's just one of many inches on the clitoral map. Remember: the whole clit, and nothing but.

Of course, the female clitoral glans is the super-sensitive part, just like a man's. But in the same way that men like to have their entire penises taken into account when they're aroused, women are favored by attention to their entire clitorises.

When I present this information in public, I am hampered by my lack of rendering skills. Now, finally, I have the genius of Betty "Quick Draw" Dodson to show you what's it's all about. The next time someone asks you, "Where's the clitoris? What does it look like? How do you know where to find it?" you simply come over here, and press play.

And now, for our next question:
THE BOY WHO DIDN'T LIKE DOGGIE
I like being fucked from behind, but my boyfriend refuses to even try it. He says it's gross, that it's for dogs, not people. What can I do to persuade him that it's fun, and not an insult?
Alessandra

Aretha: He's the problem. What's the matter with him?? Ummm…watch Snoop Dogg.

Susie: JESUS CHRIST! I don't want to hear about what you watch…

Aretha: Well, I didn't want to hear you answer that other masturbation question!

Susie: Okay, let's start over. We agreed we could both say "TMI" whenever we wanted to. How do we get this boyfriend to not be so uptight?

Aretha: I'd probably get a little evil.

Susie: You mean, trick him?

Aretha: Yeah, lay down and say you want a back massage, "Just a back massage." So then he has to straddle you, so he can do it right. That gets him used to being relaxed on top of you. Look back at him, give him lots of eye contact and encouragement. Ask him to bite your neck. He's just got to get comfortable being back there. You'll feel his comfort level coming up, and then you just make it happen. If all fails, just sit on him backwards, and slip it in.

Susie: You make it sound so simple. But you're probably right. I have to guess this is a young man. I don't think this phase of his is going to last very long. He probably thinks all kinds of things are gross, like green vegetables, but pretty soon he's going to grow up.

THE SLUT FACTOR
At what point is promiscuity self-destructive? At what point is it empowering?
Carrie

Aretha: It depends on the people you're sleeping with! No jealous jerks, psychos, disrespectful people. Keep a standard. Know what you're attracted to, and don't fuck just anybody.

Susie: Well, that would be easy if you could tell all of that ahead of time. What about the other side, how do you know if it's empowering?

Aretha: Having as much sex as you want is empowering when you're having fun, you're eating, sleeping, working, getting on with your life.

Susie: I love that you always put sleeping on your "Top 5" list. I have a problem with that word, "promiscuity." It implies sluttiness, which is used to shame women, not men. It's not what the town prude thinks about you that's the issue, it's whether you're having satisfying reciprocal sex with people who respect sex itself.

GROSS FOR SOME PEOPLE
Okay, this may be gross for some people, but I have to ask. My boyfriend has expressed an interest in being peed and shat on. I'm totally curious to try this out but I have no idea how to do it at all, I know how to go to the bathroom, I obviously mean in a sexy, clean, fun way for both of us and also with minimal clean-up if possible. Any suggestions? Also, I am wondering where this interest comes from for people? Is it Freudian or is it as simple as just wanting to try new and different things sexually?
Rose

Aretha: OH MY GOD! No way! It's always a shocker when a young man "expresses" himself…most of them hardly say anything. Mom, I DON'T KNOW! What happens to the shit? Do you do it in shower? What is the right setting?

Susie: The bathroom is the right place; you've got that right. The pee is not really that big of a deal, it's sterile, you've probably peed in the shower before and never even thought about it.

Aretha: My default answer to all sex questions is light some candles and it'll be a lot sexier. Bubble bath!

Susie: Dealing with scat makes things a lot more medical, you have to put on your nurse hat and really plan things, to avoid infection. I would treat these two things apart, 'cause the pee could be an easy experiment without a lot of risk, and then you could see how you felt about his fantasy, and the whole psychological side of it, with him. Here's a couple of highly informative books: Anal Pleasure and Health, and Intimate Invasion: The Erotic Ins & Outs of Enema Play.

You could ask where his fantasy comes from…you could ask that about anything. Why do people who want to do it in the missionary position, aside from peer pressure? Why do people make porn out of anything and every subject? Fetish usually comes from memories like every part of our unconscious. The hidden issue behind your question is that he wants you to dominate him and revel in humiliation…you have to find out how you jibe with that, regardless of the bodily fluids.

Susie's newest book is X: The Erotic Treasury. She blogs at susiebright.com and podcasts about sex and politics weekly on: In Bed With Susie Bright.

Susie at Happy Ending Lounge, photo by Stacie Joy.

When Jezebel sent me all these juicy sex and relationship questions, I had a feeling my daughter Aretha would want to get in on it. Aretha's cramming her "Statistics" homework-her last community college requirement before she transfers to university. It was pretty easy for me to interrupt: "Do you want to put in your two cents on these?" I knew she couldn't resist.

I am almost 51. She is almost 19. She made me do all the menopause questions by myself, but I made her listen to the answers. We took turns typing and dictating.

HUSBAND WANTS TO PUSH WIFE OFF CLIFF
My wife gets to the peak during intercourse and will not go over the edge. She'll beg me to keep going, don't stop, keep going-but even during those times when I can, in fact, keep it going-she never orgasms from intercourse alone. But I swear, she is on the edge of that orgasm. How do I get her over that edge? -Peter

Susie: Of course she doesn't come "from intercourse alone." No woman does. I'd love to strike that phrase from the English language.

Aretha: Put your hand down there! Or one of those vibrators that slip on your finger like a ring!

Susie: It's as if she licked your balls and the bottom of your shaft for hours…you'd be screaming for relief, too. You probably need some serious attention to the head of your cock, just like virtually every other man in the universe. You know, the answer is a lot closer than you think. How does your wife masturbate? How does she make herself come? Does she use something dildo-like inside her? How does she get over the top? She knows. Ask her sometime when you're nowhere near the sexual tension bubble.

THE FIRST PANCAKE
I am about to have sex with someone and it is his first time. He is very nervous and loses his erection every time we begin to put a condom on. Help! -Kitty

Aretha: A girl after my own heart! First, on the condoms-make sure they're the easiest, roomiest, most user-friendly you can buy. Like, "Twisted Pleasure Trojan," or "Her Pleasure."

Susie: I swear by the "P"-shapes, like the "Pleasure Plus," or the "Lifestyle Dual Pleasure."

Aretha: They don't have those at Long's Drugstore! Trojan is everywhere. The point is, no "Kimono Micro Thin" or that cheap crap they hand out at the college nurse's office. Tell him, however you want to say it: "You're going to masturbate with condoms." You get him to "Jack and Edge," that's the homework.

Susie: Did you make that up? "Jack and Edge"? I mean, I know what you mean, instantly, but I never heard that before.

Aretha: Yeah, that's what I decided to call it.

Susie: Everyone else calls it "stop and start" or something clinical, but this is much better.

Aretha: Yeah, but we have to keep going here, Mom. I have to leave in 15 minutes. Once he gets the good ones, he needs to learn he can come with them on, so he can put "condom and coming" together. That won't take long. The next part is: whatever gets him off, before intercourse, you have to do that a lot. If you haven't already, say all the reassuring stuff like: "It's going to be fun, good for me, fun for you, etc." The first pancake, it's like that. You're going to make a lot more. It doesn't matter if he comes right away-it's like, "Don't worry, we'll do it again and again."

Now, depending on his type, you might have to be the girl who gets him hard, puts the condom on him right then, sits down on him, and starts moving. That's if he needs to be pounced on. But if he has to make the first move, then you have to start out really relaxed, no rush-pretend like you could be doing anything. You have an open invitation to have sex, but no focus on, "We're going to have sex in the next five minutes." One time, in this situation, I even took a "little nap." Once my attention was off of the guy, he recharged and went for it.

But then there's you, how you get ready. You better masturbate that day beforehand, because the deflowering is probably going to be about him, not you. Take care of yourself so you can relax. This could take more than one date. It's real important not to get focused on one night. If it's a holiday, or one of those "special occasions," make it easy and romantic, nothing too difficult to put together, 'cause that's too much pressure. Three candles, some good food, whatever‚but just keep trying.

Susie: Okay, but what if you do all that, and his erection fails when he actually is about to enter you?

Aretha: Take the condom off immediately. Start jacking or touching him; say, "I'm so glad you have a lot of condoms, we're going to go through a lot!"

HIGH SCHOOL (PORN STAR) CONFIDENTIAL
A girl I went to high school with is a porn star now. She was always stunningly beautiful and nice to everyone then- and she's still both of those things. She loves what she does and is successful. I'm happy for her. It makes me feel bad, though, when I come across her videos and see captions calling her derogatory names. What steps are being taken so that more movies where girls are having fun and are in charge are made? What other steps are being taken so that porn stars can be viewed as human beings? Do you think it is possible for porn to evolve in this direction? -Patsy

Aretha: Uh, I think it already has. For a long time! I mean, there are women directors and feminist porn…if she were working with different people, they wouldn't be like that. (Check out Cathy Winks' Guide to Adult VIdeos).

Susie: Have you talked to her about it? Why do you keep watching? I don't know what the deal is with you two. If you're close, you talk about this stuff. If you're not, you're a voyeur. But here's something to remember: If she were in Hollywood movies or prime-time TV, you would also be shocked and disgusted at all the sexist degrading things that she was put through. It's not any different just because you're naked and screwing.

Aretha: That's a good point. I mean, take "Kim Bauer"!

Susie: You mean, from 24? [Falls off bed laughing] Yeah, it doesn't get worse than that.

Susie's newest book is X: The Erotic Treasury. She blogs at susiebright.com and podcasts about sex and politics weekly on: In Bed With Susie Bright.

Susie at Happy Ending Lounge, photo by Stacie Joy.
Susie & Aretha, photo by Jon Bailiff.

Susie, the OG sexpert, will be answering reader-submitted questions, so please ask away, emailing them to tracie@jezebel.com, with "Susie Q's" in the subject line.

We're pumped about this because Susie's longtime approach to sexual discourse has paved the way for the kind of candid conversations we post on the topic today. As she says in the trailer for her book, "A lot of my motivation comes, believe it or not, not because I'm such an incredible nympho or great in bed, but I want to talk about the things that people try to keep secret…Secrecy makes people unable to be themselves."

She's also in NYC this week, making a bunch of personal appearances, so catch her if you can:

Susie's Essential Erotic Lit Library
Wednesday, February 18, 7:00 PM
Babeland Brooklyn
462 Bergen St.
She'll be reading from and talking about her new book, X: The Erotic Treasury, and also be giving a talk about the craft and classics of erotic writing.

Susie Bright Night: In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series
Thursday, February 19th, 7:30 PM
Happy Ending Lounge
202 Broome St.
She'll be celebrating X: The Erotic Treasury with authors Paula Bomer, Ernie Conrick, Martha Garvey, Nicholas Kaufmann, Tsaurah Litzky, Maxim Jakubowski, Marcelle Manhattan, Lisa Montanarelli, Chelsea Summers, and host/curator Rachel Kramer Bussel.

But the most exciting aspect-at least for me, anyway-is that Susie will be joining us for an episode of Pot Psychology! So please send in additional questions to potpsych@jezebel.com.