Jezebel: susie essman

Curb Your Enthusiasm: 7 Seasons Of Susie Screaming

Tracie — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:40:00 EST

Last night was the season finale of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and there's no telling when it will return. In honor of its ending, we compiled a montage of every single obscenity-laden Susie Greene (Essman) outburst from the series.

Character Study

Sadie — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 14:30:00 EDT

Susie Essman on her famously self-confident alter-ego: "Susie Greene thinks she is drop-dead gorgeous and everything she chooses to put on is drop-dead gorgeous. Imagine being like that." [NYT]

Jennifer Lopez's Alter Ego; Ellen Page's New TV Show

Dodai — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 09:00:00 EDT

The new single from a singer named Lola is actually a track by Jennifer Lopez.

The song, titled "Fresh out the Oven," features Pitbull and is something La Lopez did "for the streets." [NY Daily News]

Mary-Kate Olsen could have played a socialite teen vampire on TV, except the CW failed to pick up the show Blue Bloods, based on the book by Melissa de la Cruz. [Gatecrasher]
Ellen Page will produce and write an HBO comedy called Stitch N' Bitch with Alia Shawkat and Sean Tillman. "The show follows two painfully cool hipster girls as they relocate from Brooklyn's Williamsburg neighborhood to Los Angeles' Silver Lake enclave in hopes of becoming artists — of any kind." [Reuters]
The Russell Brand/Katy Perry romance is heating up: He texted her a love poem; she replied with a topless photo of herself. [Page Six]
An Australian variety show has apologized for a skit involving singers parodying the Jackson Five and performing in blackface. Harry Connick Jr., who was a judge on the show, called the skit "disgusting." [AP]
Carla Bruni claims she is in a never-ending "beauty contest" with the spouses of other world leaders; and considers Michelle Obama and Princess Letizia of Spain her rivals. [NY Daily News]
All Hail Barbra Streisand, who beat Mariah Carey on the Billboard chart. [Ny Daily News]
An "insider" tells the National Enquirer that Mackenzie Phillips worked as a "jet-setting call girl" in her late 20s — when she was pregnant with her son Shane. [Daily Express]
Madonna's buying Jesus Luz a £1.7 million apartment; she's not ready to move him into the house with her four kids, but she's looking for something in walking distance of her Upper East Side townhouse. [Telegraph]
Conan O'Brien and Newark Mayor Cory Booker have been feuding over the last two weeks, but Booker is ready to "bury the hatchet." In a written statement, O'Brien said he may not be ready to abandon Newark as a joke topic: "I want to again reiterate, I have only the highest respect for Mayor Cory Booker and the city of Newark, New Jersey — one of America's oldest, greatest, and most enduring punchlines." [CNN]
R. Kelly has revealed that he suffers from illiteracy. "When I was trying to make it out here, I already knew, and I was stubborn about it," he says. "I don't even read really and I'm not afraid to say that. My cousins and brothers used to tease me 'you can't even read right. How you think you're going to come up?' The only reason I graduated from grammar school is because I had a great jump shot. I went to high school and [my teacher] told me 'you will one of the greatest writers of all time.' I believed. You [have to] believe it. You can't believe [anything] if you're hating. You can't achieve [anything] if you're hating." [AOL Music]
Gloria Allred is accusing David Letterman of "sexual favoritism." [MSNBC]
Remember when Joe Francis attacked Jayde Nicole in a club? Apparently the incident was caught on a security cam video. You definitely see him drag her off of a barstool by the hair. [Radar Online]
Michael Vick is getting his own show on BET. It's a "docu-series" spotlighting his comeback in football and also his difficult childhood and dog-fighting ring bust. [MSNBC Scoop]
Kate Gosselin made fun of her mommy image in a skit on Jay Leno's show last night, telling photographers, "Leave me alone. Hey, what did Mommy say? I asked you to stop taking pictures and you continued… Go to your room," [ET]
"Jon Gosselin: Kate is 'trying to prevent me from seeing my kids on their birthday.'" Eyeroll. [NY Daily News]
Sponsors don't seem to give a shit that David Letterman hooked up with employees — there was a Disney commercial during his Tuesday show. [NY Times]
Beastie Boy Adam Yauch had a cancerous tumor removed from his left parotid gland and says, "I'm taking Tibetan medicine and at the recommendation of the Tibetan doctors I've been eating a vegan/organic diet. I'm feeling healthy, strong and hopeful that I've beaten this thing, but of course time will tell." [TMZ]
Julia Stiles and Bill Pullman are in the Broadway production of David Mamet's Oleanna. Stiles says: "I feel like Carol is one of the more well developed female parts he's written. There's something so interesting to me about how relentless and confrontational Carol is. For better or worse she's a force to be reckoned with. David Mamet is really good at writing characters that are flawed. There's something so fascinating about them in their bluntness." [NY Times]
LisaRaye's new reality show will tell unflattering stories about Star Jones, Vivica A. Fox, and more. [Gatecrasher]
"Prosecutors have declined to press charges against the sheriff's deputy who arrested Mel Gibson three years ago, citing a lack of proof he leaked details about the case." [AP]
Alicia Keys is starting a new company, featuring a range of products; first up is The Barber's Daughters, handcrafted jewelry engraved with messages of hope. [Mirror]
Stephanie Seymour's going through a divorce, and husband Peter Brant says she spent $50,000 a month on new clothes alone. [Gatecrasher]
Matt Lucas's ex, Kevin McGee, who hanged himself Monday, had recently confessed his suicidal thoughts to a stranger at a gay bar. [The Sun]
In the entertaining piece at the link, Phyllida Law — Emma Thompson's mother — talks about her daughter's struggle to have children, her adopted son from Rwanda, and her hoarding habit. [Daily Mail]
Is Antonia Kidman getting married at her sister Nicole Kidman's estate in Sutton Forest, New South Wales, Australia? [News.com.au]
Michael Sheen (The Queen, Frost Nixon, Underworld) plays legendary self-destructive soccer manager Brian Clough in a film called The Damned United, which is being called Sheen's "best performance of his big-screen career." [USA Today]
Oh, yeah, and Michael Sheen also plays an Italian vampire in New Moon. But you already knew that. Twihard. [USA Today]
Whatshername, the cagefighter, crossdressing, etc. [The Sun]
"I love Susie Greene - she is so freeing. I analyze things from every which way. She just reacts without any kind of censor. Everything is an indignity, and she is absolutely sure of herself in every single response. All those doubts held me back for years: I wasn't good enough, I wasn't pretty enough, is this the right dress to wear? Susie Greene thinks she is drop-dead gorgeous and everything she chooses to put on is drop-dead gorgeous. Imagine being like that." — Susie Essman on her Curb Your Enthusiasm character. [NY Times]
Q: What's your take on the Letterman sex scandal? Many people feel it's hypocrisy for him to throw darts at other's sexual misconduct when he's apparently been no better.
A: "Here's the difference. A — it's his job to do that. And B — it just shows people don't really know what the story's about, which is the extortion. It has nothing to do with sex. And we're idiots when it comes to sexuality. We still think if you're single, you're a slut, you're awful! You should get married. People have sex! That's it. It's not the end of the world. It's really no big deal." — comedian Lewis Black. [Reuters]
"Heath was just so full of ideas and fresh dialogue and so unbelievably fast and inventive. He was still, in some sense, speeding from playing The Joker, which had liberated him in a way that he had never experienced before. He was always telling me 'I am doing things in scenes that I didn't know was inside me. I cannot believe it.'" director Terry Gilliam, who cast Heath Ledger in The Imaginarium Of Dr. Parnassus. [Mirror]
Check out Heath in a trailer at the link. [NY Daily News]
"We gave our blessing. We decided that it was so touching and that it should go on the air. It was a wonderful testament to the work Adam did. I only wish he were here to help so many more." — DJ AM's mother, Andrea Gross, who decided that his show should go on the air on MTV. [TMZ]
"I don't know how to swim. So, I never spent any time on a beach. That's the good news. The bad news is that if you are drowning, I cannot rescue you." — Bernadette Peters, at a skin cancer event. [Page Six]
"I would do 20 Vicodin in a night. I was on my way out. I might have been 24 hours away from dying." — Robbie Williams. [The Sun]
"She's a manifester, if there ever was one. First-rate manifester. Madonna makes things happen. Put Madonna up against any 23-year-old, she'll outwork them, outdance them, outperform them. The woman is broad. And, of course, here you go: I still love her. But she's retarded, too." — Guy Ritchie, to Esquire. [MSNBC Scoop]

Night Of Too Many Stars? Or Night Of Too Many Bloated Dudes?

Jennifer — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 10:30:00 EDT

Aw, comedians who care! Or so was the premise of last night's "Night of Too Many Stars," the Comedy Central-backed benefit show which brought the big names in funny together to help children with autism. Only some of these pros brought the hotness however. (See Tina Fey at left.) But the men — Kelsey Grammer, Matthew Broderick, and even Robert Kennedy, Jr — all looked bloated in both face and ego. Thank goodness Jonah Hill was there to make up for it! The full Good, Bad and Ugly of "Night of Too Many Stars", after the jump.

The Good: Will Arnett and Amy Poehler: Please adopt me. Go ahead and call me crazy, but I think this is a great look for Rosie O. Aw, Susan Sarandon. Jonah Hill never fails to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Susie Essman's dress proves that funny always triumphs over fashion.

The Bad: Eh, take that back. See: Kelsey Grammar and his scary-looking wife Camille. Dear Sarah Silverman: 1) I'm over you. 2) Get a new outfit.

The Ugly: Can someone tell me when Matthew Broderick morphed into a puffy alien? Um, yeah same for Robert Kennedy, Jr. And Maroon 5, whose egos are bloated.

[Images via Bauer-Griffin.]

Some Stars Looked Good Enough To Eat At The Food Bank NY Event

Dodai — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 10:30:00 EDT

Gwyneth Paltrow (pictured) was honored at the fifth annual Can-Do Awards dinner given by Food Bank For New York City. She told a reporter, "I grew up in this city, and I worked in soup kitchens throughout high school, so being back here is like a full circle. I'm just thrilled to be here and to help in any way I can." Yeah, yeah, but what about the outfits? Gwynnie looked divine in a graphic patterned wrap dress, and Helena Christensen — who was also honored — looked gorgeous in a sugary pink dress. But not every star was good enough to eat. Stanley Tucci, Lorraine Bracco, Christy Turlington, Petra Nemcova, Rachael Ray and more in the Good, the Bad and the Ugly, after the jump.

The Good:
Stanley Tucci needn't be so glum, he looks lovely! The pop of color in his shirt stripe is great.

Lorraine Bracco looks sleek and chic. Love her.

Christy Turlington's dress might be better with delicate shoes instead of boots, but she looks beautiful and comfortable.

Helena Christensen's dress is super sweet.

The Bad:
Petra Nemcova: Beautiful woman; ugly, cheap-looking dress.

Susie Essman plays Susie Greene, wife of Larry David's manager on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm. She's funny! But this ensemble isn't flattering or vibrant enough for her.

Crossing Jordan star Jill Hennessy's shapeless dress is almost saved by her cool necklace. Almost, but not quite.

Ed Burns seems uncomfortable, perhaps because his suit is ill-fitting?

The Ugly:
Gah, Rachael Ray. The hose! The shiny, absurd, freakin' hideous pantyhose. Terrible.

Mario Batali can rock his signature orange Crocs all he wants, but I don't have to like them.

[Images via Getty.]

Gwyneth And Helena Bag Can-Do Gongs [Press Association]

Vanity Fair Celebrates Funny Girls

Slut Machine — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:30:00 EST

Just a little over a year after it published an essay in which Christopher Hitchens asserted that women aren't funny, Vanity Fair has come out with an issue acknowledging the current generation of female comedians, actresses and writers who are proving that women are actually quite hilarious. (Hitchens has a rebuttal here.) The video above, taken during the photo sessions for the issue, is like girl crush central, and includes Sandra Bernhard, Susie Essman, Tina Fey, Jenna Fischer, Chelsea Handler, Leslie Mann, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, Amy Sedaris, Sarah Silverman, Wanda Sykes, and Kristen Wiig. Unfortunately, the lineup is a little too white. Where's Mo'nique? Or Margaret Cho? Jenna Fischer beat out both of them?

Chicks With Schticks [Vanity Fair]
Who Says Women Aren't Funny? [Vanity Fair]

Is Susie Essman onto something? The Curb...

Jennifer — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 14:45:00 EST

Is Susie Essman onto something? The Curb Your Enthusiasm actress has told Animal Fair magazine: "You want a guy that's good in bed? Find a guy with a Shih Tzu or a Pomeranian or a little Yorkie. Because if he's secure enough in his sexuality to carry around a fru-fru little dog like that, that is a guy who's a keeper. Never go out with a guy with a beagle. I know they're cute, cute, cute, but they're dumb, dumb, dumb, and they have no attention span, so you're with the guy and he might not know what to do - the next night, you have to tell him all over again." [Page Six]

Martha Stewart On Dating Larry David: Money Is No Object

Jennifer — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 16:00:00 EDT

Larry David's divorce from Hollywood environmentalist Laurie David has left many bereft: She was a do-gooder! She softened his coarseness! She provided so much material for Curb Your Enthusiasm! And while some might sit and dwell on secret clues into the unraveling of the David marriage vis-a-vis recent episodes of Curb, others simply look to the future... and that future may be Martha Stewart. Martha had Larry David's Curb co-star Susie Essman on her show today, and after much subtle hinting, she finally came out and confessed it: Now that Larry's single, she's hoping he'll curb her enthusiasm. Clip above.