Keith Urban Says Nicole's Not Pregnant; Funeral Plans Set For Michael

• Keith Urban says the rumors that wife Nicole Kidman is pregnant again are not true, but rather, "A little bit of tweaking [of photos] does that..."

Supermodel Assaulted By Husband's Hired Guards; Chloe Sevigny Wants Hermes

• Stephanie Seymour's divorce from Peter Brant just got ugly: security guards hired by Brant to protect the family home allegedly assaulted the model and pushed her through a screen door. Police have been called to the house twice. [E!]

One Fish Two Fish Green Fish Orange Fish

[Pacific Palisades, April 30. Image via INF]

Chris Brown Has New Girlfriend; Angelina To Adopt Again?

• Chris Brown has reportedly moved on. His new ladyfriend is actually an ex. She attends University of Mary Washington and they met in Virginia, which is where he's from. His reps deny everything. [Gatecrasher]

Sam Begs Lindsay To Get Help, Roger Federer Weds

• A source claims that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are still talking after their breakup late last week, but that Sam has "begged Lindsay to get help." Lohan is reportedly "heartbroken" over the split. [People]

Gunfire At Gisele & Tom's Wedding

• Gisele Bundchen married Tom Brady again, this time in Costa Rica. They first got hitched in the U.S. in February. These days you can't be a celebrity and not have two or three ceremonies. [Breitbart, Mirror]

Dating Madonna Is A Religious Experience; Kimora Lee Simmons & Djimon Hounsou Married?

• Madonna took Jesus Luz to a Kabbalah service. Again. This paper calls her "the world's most boring date." [Daily Mail]

Suri Cruise Is Getting Sick Of This Shopping Thing

[Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; February 3. Image via INF]

Tom, Katie & Suri: Garden Party

[Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; February 2. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Madonna Gets The Kids, Jessica Gets Support, And DMX Gets 90 Days

• Guy Richie will not fight ex-wife Madonna's plans to move their children to the United States, claiming that he would rather keep his children together than tear them apart with a nasty custody battle. [Mirror]

Prince Harry Gets Royally Dumped

• Prince Harry and his girlfriend of nearly 5 years, Chelsy Davy, are dunzo: Davy initiated the break up and has already made the breakup official by changing her Facebook relationship status to "single." Oh, snap!

Tom Cruise Talks About All His Children On The View

Suri Cruise Has A Stylish Snack

[New York, January 8. Image via INF]

Lindsay Lohan & Sean Penn Spend The Night Together

• Lindsay Lohan and Sean Penn: Hung out all evening. For real. And! Is LL in denial about the fact that Samantha Ronson has broken up with her? [Page Six]

Suri Cruise Is Surprised To Go Feet First

[New York, December 29. Image via Flynet]

Lindsay And Sam: Crying At Christmastime?

• Did a knock down, drag out fight with Lilo land Samantha Ronson in the hospital for "exhaustion"?

Blythe Danner Says Gwyneth Is Not Divorcing

• Gwyneth's mom Blythe Danner says Gwyn's marriage is a-ok, despite rumors of a split. “They don’t take pictures together if they can avoid it. It’s a strategy. They don’t want the pandemonium.” [Fox News]

Katie & Suri's Bodyguard Gets The Goods

[New York, December 16. Image via x17]

Katie & Suri: Silver Belles

Lindsay Lohan & Sean Penn: Spotted Snuggling!!!???

• Wow, Lindsay Lohan and Sean Penn nuzzled at a private dinner for Milk last week. Samantha Ronson was not present. What does it all mean? [Fox 411]
• Photographs of Jennifer Aniston in a wet T-shirt with a "visible breast" are in a calendar, but a spokesperson says, "I don't think this is legal." [Times Of India]
• In this interview to promote Marley & Me, Jennifer Aniston gets pissy about her personal life, and when asked about the "difficult times," Owen Wilson walks out. [USA Today]
• Oh, dear: Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, wants $1.6 million to walk away from the marriage and not write a tell-all book. All together now: What kind of fuckery is this? [Perez Hilton]
• Another divorce payout: Madonna will reportedly give Guy Ritchie about £32 million in cash and prizes. [Telegraph]

Suri Gets Carried By The Wizard Of Odd

Britney Spears: "I Feel Like An Old Person Now"

• Aww, lookit: BritBrit on the cover of Rolling Stone, looking healthy and happy. She says: "I feel like an old person now. I do! I go to bed at, like, 9:30 every night, and I don't go out or anything." Oh! But Britney did go on a date recently, and took her assistant and a manager's friend with her. "Right when we got there, we just knew it was just bad," she says. "He looked like an older version of Harry Potter, but skinnier. So I had to get dessert first." Plus! Her kids "are starting to learn words like 'stupid,' and Preston says the f-word now sometimes. He doesn't get it from us. He must get it from his daddy." [ONTD, USA Today, The Sun]
• With good news must come bad: Amy Winehouse was rushed to the hospital after screaming fight with Blake Formerly Incarcerated. [The Sun]
• Why is Kate Moss all scratched up and bruised? [Daily Mail]
• Click to see Lindsay Lohan sneak vodka into her drink: Caught on camera! [The.Life Flies]

Katie's Mad For Plaid; Suri's A Shady Lady

Suri Cruise Knows There's No Place Like Home

Jennifer Hudson Smiles… In Gap Ads

• Despite mourning her family tragedy, Jennifer Hudson is in the Gap's holiday ad campaign, wearing a bright red sweater and smiling. Gap gave J.Hud the option to back out, but she wanted to go ahead and have the ads run. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Jennifer Hudson writes on her MySpace blog: "I want to thank each and every one of you for your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. Thank You All." [People]
• Beyoncé is on the cover of Seventeen and she certainly appears to have her wits about her. She says she would never get married before the age of 25. "I feel like you have to get to know yourself, know what you want, spend some time by yourself, and be proud of who you are before you can share that with someone else." Plus! She's super critical of herself: "I have my YouTube days, when I watch every performance," she says. "I listen to my music, and I watch my videos to figure out what I need to do, what I need to fix, and how to become a better singer." [People]
• Kate Winslet on her Vanity Fair pix: "The whole shoot was about doing the character. I feel like I was playing the part and not me — it doesn't feel like me. It took six hours to set up the lighting and the hair and make-up, because I obviously don't look like that all the time." [Daily Mail]
• The brother of the American Idol reject who killed herself outside the star's L.A. home is blaming Abdul for crushing his sister's dreams. "[Abdul] didn't speak up for her. She let everyone take her down," Charles McIntyre says. [NY Post]

Suri Summons Xenu On City Streets

Suri's Ladybug Picnic Gets Rained Out

Katie & Suri Eat Cold Eels, Think Distant Thoughts

Loose Lips

Katie & Suri Go Where The Grass Is Greener

What Will Become Of Mad Men?

• Even though AMC has "formally exercised" its option for a third season of Mad Men, Producer Lionsgate and network AMC not only have no contract with series creator Matthew Weiner, they have not made deals with the cast, either! What will become of Don Draper? [Fox 411, Variety]
• Oh, Mad Men star John Slattery was overheard trashing other actors while having dinner in New York: "De Niro's a jerk!" he said. And! "I was thinking about doing something with [Al Pacino], but I was told to run - not walk - away from him, he's so unbearable." [Rush & Molloy]
• Angelina Jolie plans to adopt another Ethiopian baby in the New Year, to "bond" with daughter Zahara. [Mirror]
• John Mayer is winning Jennifer Aniston back with "soppy texts." A source says "He has even written a song about their time together and played it to Jennifer who, naturally, was incredibly touched." [Mirror]

Victoria Beckham, Jamie Lynn, M.I.A.: Knocked Up Or Not?

• "I'm not pregnant, and I'm not trying to get pregnant at the moment." — Victoria Beckham, always quick to keep us informed on the state of her uterus. [People]
• Not pregnant: Jamie Lynn Spears. [Daily Star]
• M.I.A.: P.R.E.G.N.A.N.T.! We assume the baby daddy is fiance Ben Brewer, from the band The Exit, to whom she is engaged. Anyway, she performed at the Diesel party in Brooklyn Saturday night with a big ol' baby belly. [Perez Hilton]
• Angelina Jolie was asked if she would vote for Barack Obama because of his international background. She said: "Obama fights for international justice, he wants to militarily intervene in cases of genocide, and close Guantanamo Bay. These are the things that could move me to vote for him, not his roots." Then she tried to adopt him. [AP]
• More images from that W photo shoot if Angelina Jolie — including pix of the kids — can be seen here. [ONTD]
• Louisiana taxpayers funded $27 million of Brad Pitt's $167 million dollar movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. [NY Times, Perez Hilton]

Katie & Suri Hoist Matching Hermès

No, You Can't Have Suri Cruise's Shoes

• Suri Cruise's custom Roger Vivier flats: Cute, or creepy and decadent? "Bruno Frisoni, the creative director of the French luxury label and pal of Tom and Katie, made Suri her very own pair of iconic buckle flats (made famous by Catherine Deneuve in Belle de Jour)." Oh, and if you want your own toddler to look like a Parisian hooker? Sorry, they were a one-off. [People]
• Paris Hilton continues her career as political satirist with some advice for Sarah Palin: "You've got a hot bod; don't keep it to yourself...Why wear a pantsuit when you can wear a swimsuit? Welcome to the Lower 49, girlfriend." Or maybe that wasn't satire. [New York Post]
• Media reports that Gisele sends moola to her family in Brazil so now the fam are at risk for kidnapping. [Daily Express]
• That Van Cleef & Arpels suit against Heidi Klum's jewelry line has been dismissed. [Sassybella]

Tom Cruise Corralls His Mini-Björk

Halloween Preparations Scare Suri Cruise

Katie Holmes Juggles A Bushel Of Babies Off Broadway