Jezebel: sur la table

Sur La Table: Expensive, Accidentally Sexy Cookware

Slut Machine — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 15:40:00 EST

Yup, it's a second Today In Catalogs. (We couldn't resist). Now up: Sur La Table, the culinary/cookware retailer that likes to think of itself as the "Art And Soul Of Cooking." We just got the holiday edition of the catalog, and after taking a quick glance, began to notice that the company is shilling kitchen items that could easily be confused for sex toys. (So it's all the funnier that Sur La Table is a fave of Oprah, and on a few occasions, her audience members were even "treated to gift bags filled with products" from the company.) After the jump, our dirty minds assign different, ahem, uses to upscale cookware.

Cuisanart Smart Stick Stainless Steel Hand Blender or Electric, rechargeable vibrator with clit tickler and vulva-caresser attachments!

Crystal decanter or G-spot stimulator glass dildo!

Cookie press or Suction pump (for him)!

Barware set or Over-sized bullet vibe with various attachments!

Crystal decanter or Double-penetration glass dildo for anal and vaginal insertion!

Holiday spatulas or Holiday spanking paddles!

Pears, Pumpkin Cakes, & Homegrown Pecans

Anna — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:00:00 EDT

The first one came in last Wednesday. It was followed by another on Saturday, then another on Monday. And when the fourth food-porn catalog came in yesterday, it finally hit me: the stuff-your-face-with-food season has officially begun! No matter that Halloween is 47 days away or that the difference between now and Thanksgiving is a good 40 degrees (at least in the Northeast United States). It's time to fuck all the fresh fish and salads of summer and get down to the business of calorie-laden autumn eatin'. After the jump, a wish list of all the tasty (and somewhat expensive!) shit my massive stomach would love to handle, if not for, well, my meager bank account.

Harry & David: First of all, pears. Duh. (The Giant Royal Rivieras, $49.95) Then, some Moose Munch in a Party Drum ($39.95). The Pumpkin Spice Log ($39.95) looks like it would probably be nasty (too much cream-cheese icing) but I'd still try it. Same goes for these Christmas Tree Cheesecakes ($32.95). And oh shit, these Cinnamon Swirls ($26.95)? Yeah, I'd hit that. On a healthier note, the Super Fruit Buffet ($37.95) looks delectable. Tasty Shit: $227.70

Williams-Sonoma:
I'm not as into the filled-pancake pan ($35.00) as the spiced apple-filled pancakes themselves. And Halloween caramel apples? Yum. ($16.50) Although aren't caramel apples usually a lot prettier to look at than to eat? No matter, I'll settle for the adorable, $15.00 Halloween truffles (owls! a ghost!) and mini iced cookies ($19.50). Tasty Shit: $86

Sur La Table: If I had a yard, lots of money (and knew how to, uh, cook), I'd consider this outdoor terra cotta oven ($2,000). But I'd settle for these adorable terra cotta chimenea votives...on sale! ($14.99). Yum, Italian lemonade? But I'd use this Italian lemonade jar ($69.95, plus $16.95 for metal stand) as a terrarium. Or these glass cloches ($64.85 for one of each size). Cute shopping totes! And last but not least, something for Halloween: A pumpkin cake, although the catalog doesn't sell it ready-made, only the pans ($27.95). Tasty Shit: $2,194.69

Sunnyland Farms: If you aren't getting this catalog, sign up right now. In addition to offering up the most amazing pecans ever to touch my tongue, the nut farm's print edition is the direct-mail highlight of fall: Owner Jane Willson sprinkles her pages with updates on her family, loyal employees, far-flung travels (the woman is in her 70s or even 80s and, this year alone, visited Africa and Tibet), and a fascinating step-by-step of how pecans are "made". She's a neat-sounding lady. Anyway here's what's on offer: Mammoth Pecan Halves (toasted and salted) in a 3lb. home box. ($38.15). Then, a 3-lb. box of Sugar 'N Spice Candied Pecan Halves ($39.85). A tin of half dark, half milk-chocolate pecan pralines ($28.40). Tasty Shit: $106.50

Total Tasty Shit: $2,614.89
Total Pounds Gained: Incalculable

Today in Catalogs: Sur La Table

Anna — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 21:25:00 EST

We tend to disagree with this yuppie retailer's self-congratulatory description of itself as "The Art and Soul of Cooking" — we'd save that moniker for our favorite baked-Triscuits-with-cheddar recipe — but, hey, they've got a catalog, we've got a studio apartment with no kitchen to speak of, and a girl should dream, shouldn't she?

This is totally unoriginal on our part, but we're way into the idea of having a terrarium in our home. Thing is, there's no place online where we can find instructions on how to buy one ready-made (we're lazy that way). And then there's the problem of cost: most glass-domed containers by themselves are ridiculously expensive. How does Sur La Table figure into this? Here's how: we're intrigued by the tabletop-jungle possibilities in these glass cloches, which are not only gorgeous, but inexpensive as well ($15-30). If we can get off our fat asses and learn how to grow moss, we just might be getting somewhere.

We were also taken with this Breville Juice Fountain Elite; it's a nicely-designed stainless-steel appliance without a four-figure price tag. But who are we kidding. We're not making fresh juice anytime soon; we can hardly make oatmeal.