Sookie was discovering, with the help of nutty bride Maryann, that she might not even be human. Sookie is at her best when she is strong; "What the fuck are you?" is the kind of stuff she should be asking more often.

Zombie Layfayette was discovering that he likes being a bridesmaid.

Hoyt's mama was discovering that being a crazy black-eyed zombie is a whole lotta fun.

Question: if a demon forced you to be her maid of honor, would you lick the egg?

Queen Sophie-Anne was also dropping hints about Sookie's non-human qualities; there's definitely something going on that's making her attractive to vampires. And those of us who have not read the books are left wondering why the Queen has Eric selling blood for her, and what Sookie's cousin Hadley has to do with anything.

The wedding seemed to be, in part, a send-up of "Bridezilla" clichés, only more gory. Lafayette saying "Worship him, bitches!" ought to be a ringtone.

Like many nuptials where the ceremony is a bigger deal than the relationship between the bride and the groom, the wedding turned out to be BULL.

And Maryann turned into a Corpse Bride.

To be honest, I am glad to be done with her. It was interesting to see the town in the grips of blind faith, and there were many metaphors there — the black-eyed masses doing things without even knowing why could be applied to politics, religion, race issues, etc. In addition, the idea that because of Maryann, these people — who usually kept things like sex, drinking and hate undercover — were letting it all hang out was also a nod to the '60s counter-culture and sex clubs and the concept of freedom. That said: Happy to move on.

Sam's self-discovery had many different levels. He sacrificed himself for the town; allowed his nemesis Bill to save him; but was also mourning the loss of Daphne, the only one like him he's ever known. At one point during the episode, he said to Bill, "It took me this long to realize that you suffer in life more hiding something than you do if you face it," which is probably one of the lessons Sookie will have to learn as well, what with her telepathy and non-human powers. In any case, Sam looked up his adoptive mom, who apologized to him, and his adoptive father — on his deathbed — gave Sam some info on how to find his "real" parents. (Question: Does Sam have more powers, now that he's drunk Bill's blood?)

Eggs' self-discovery had the gravest consequences. He basically begged Sookie to help him remember what he'd done, but living with the knowledge that he'd been Maryann's assassin proved too much for him to take. Personally, I didn't like the way he died. I didn't like that it was Jason's fault, and I didn't like Andy covering up for Jason. The whole thing rubbed me the wrong way. I am glad that Andy is back on the police force, and that the sheriff has newfound respect for him. (He said: "You might have your faults, Andy, but at least you've got your pants on.")

Jessica The Teen Vamp's truck stop attack: WTF.

Lastly, Bill proposed to Sookie, throwing in plane tickets to Vermont, keeping up the vampires-are-like-gays analogy. Instead of immediately saying yes, Sookie was filled with questions and doubts, and this Sookie — the one who uses her heart and her mind is the one that makes the show more interesting. Since Bill's apparently been kidnapped, we'll be waiting a while to see how all this self-discovery plays out.

Overall, I'm not sure I liked this season as much as the first. While this finale was big and noisy, it lacked emotional depth, for me. The major plots this season: The Fellowship of The Sun and Maryann — meant that storyline, for the most part, revolved around non-vampires doing non-vampire things. Eric makes an excellent baddie. Lafayette needs more screen time. Hoyt and Jessica's relationship was a delight; and Hoyt's mama was a joy to watch, but orgy after orgy? Tedious. Here's hoping that the show focuses on a bloody good plot next season.

"Never underestimate the power of blind faith." Bill was looking for some help in defeating Maryann the Maenad; Queen Sophie Anne was just bored and teasing — but the Truth, as a theme, came up again and again. (Plus, she told Bill the Truth: A maenad can't be killed.)

Just a note: Lafayette with furry handcuffs and a shotgun is someone you want on your side. But while Tara was being held captive, she, also started spilling the Truth: Telling her (formerly drunk) mother that she'd never been a true woman of God.

Jason Stackhouse, in his own misguided way, attempted to deal with the Truth, telling Sam: "Sometimes you need to destroy something to save it. That's in the Bible. Or the Constitution." The question is, are traditional weapons the best way to defeat what's invaded his town?

Here's another Truth: Eric in Tara's mom's dress was freaky, yet awesome. Are Lafayette's hallucinations PTSD, vampire-related, or something else? And why haven't we been able to see his "nasty" and "fantastic" sex dreams about Eric? Boo.

With Bill out of town visiting the Queen, Sookie had to stand up for herself and be strong. Thank the Lord she's not the damsel in distress anymore! She actually threw some kind of kitschy ashtray at Tara's mom; rescuing Lafayette from gunpoint. Plus: She told Lafaytte to shoot Maryann if he had the chance, saying: "I mean it! Shoot her in the head!" This is the kind of Sookie you can root for! Poor Lafayette, he just seemed to have something else on his mind.

More Truth: Hoyt's mama lied about how Hoyt's daddy died. Also, perhaps Hoyt has been lying to himself about what it means to date a vampire; since Jessica bit his mother. And maybe Jessica has been lying to herself about how well she can control her urges. She is a new vampire, after all. And she was a young human when she was turned. The Truth is, she has a lot of growing to do. Another Truth: Actress Dale Raoul really just electrifies the screen playing Hoyt's mama, I just can't stop loving/hating her.

There are plenty of gory, bloody and disgusting moments on this show, what with people chopping off their own fingers and so on, but for some reason, Sookie having to lie on the kitchen floor where her grandmother died with some smelly possessed guy was one of the most disturbing things in the entire episode. A few moments earlier, she'd wondered, "How come there's so much wrong in the world?" She's dating a man who drinks blood; her grandmother was murdered, and Sookie is still disappointed that evil lurks. The truth hurts. Of course, elsewhere in her wold, Sam was making a deal with Eric and Sookie's boyfriend was turning down sex with a Latvian boy. Plus, Jason was saying: "This town might be full of crazy rednecks and dumbasses, but they're still Americans." Some good deeds to balance out the bad.

Toward the end of the episode, Bill was fed up with playing Queen Sophie Anne's games and she told him the Truth: the "God Who Comes" never actually comes. "Gods only exist in humans minds like money and morality," she explained. Something an immortal would say.

Lastly: What the hell is this? Is Lafayette making a big omelette dinner? The truth, please!!!

Earlier: True Blood: "She Wants To Cut Out My Heart While A Bunch Of Naked People Watch"
True Blood: Sookie's Dreamy Nightmare
True Blood: The Church Showdown & The Perma-Virgin

Sam finally figured out that Maryann is a maenad, and he and Andy Bellefleur — some of the only people in town not under Maryann's spell — teamed up to try and figure out what to do. How do you kill an immortal? As devotees of the books have mentioned, the maenads were the female followers of Dionysus, and reveled in dancing, uncontrolled sexual behavior and drunken intoxication. It sounds great in theory, but Maryann's black-eyed mob shows that such soulless behavior can lead down a dark, frenzied path and involve intense physical sacrifices.

But let's back up a little bit. Let's just say you went away for a little while, and when you came back, this bullcrap was in your front yard:

Maryann's construction of bones, raw meat, flowers and feathers. Charming, no?

When Sookie, Jason and Bill returned to Bon Temps, they found that the townspeople had gone cuckoo, and Hoyt's mother was one of the black-eyed under Maryann's spell.

It's interesting that Hoyt's mother, Maxine Fortenberry, already had a heap of hate in her heart before falling under Maryann's spell — seems like she didn't have far to fall. I thought Dale Raoul, the actress playing Ms. Fortenberry, really seemed to relish acting like a brainwashed wacko. "Playing Wii gets her to focus" was a nice touch.

Discovering that his town, his "home turf" was under attack spurred Jason Stackhouse into action. It's such a perfect redemption plotline for him, since his time with the anti-vampire Fellowship of the Sun Church seemed so misguided. But he's grown, and with his training and courage, he set out to get to the bottom of the problem, saying, "This is the war I've been training for."

Meanwhile, Sookie went back to her house, which Maryann had been using as her base. I've been complaining about how frequently Sookie has needed to be rescued this season, so it was a welcome twist to see her exhibit some moxie, strength and courage. And that was before she zapped Maryann with powers neither Sookie (nor we) knew she had, leaving Maryann to ask, stunned and amazed: "What are you?"

Poor Lafayette was busy making zero progress with a possessed Tara. Luckily, Bill and Sookie helped get through to Tara — delving into her mind and rescuing her from the clutches of the demon. Again, Sookie proved that she is strong, and capable, and fearless when it comes to protecting her friends.

As is her brother, Jason: He saved Sam Merlotte from a black-eyed mob! Only to be foiled by an extremely efficient Terry Bellefleur. Terry, who suffers from PTSD, became a natural leader while under Maryann's spell — thinking fairly clearly and acting with military precision. His previous experiences in the armed forces seem to have prepared him for being taken over by a demon spirit. One type of brainwashing replaced the other. Check out his bravado:

The mob's single-minded focus on catching Sam Merlotte was, in the end, their downfall: Once he gave himself up to them, they weren't entirely sure what to do with him. Which made it easier for Jason and Andy to distract them, pretending to be "The God Who Comes."

Of course, Jason wasn't really the god the townspeople were waiting for. But between his theatrics and Sam's shapeshifting, the mob backed off and dispersed. But Maryann is still very much in the picture, which means Sam is still in danger.

At the end of the episode, Bill went to visit the Queen, to get some help to defeat Maryann, so we'll see how that pans out. It's notable that the town had been in the grips of vampire prejudice, and now may need help from a vampire. It's also interesting that all of the boozing, sex and gluttony the mob has been indulging in while under Maryann's spell are just the kind of things they like to accuse vampires of. Ever since the first episode of True Blood, much has been made of the vampire's plight being parallel to that of gay rights (even without the Fellowship Of The Sun plotline, the "God Hates Fangs" sign in the opening credits keeps that theme alive). But really, when the vampire characters (like Bill and Godric) act humanely, and the human characters (Rene; the whole town) act like animals, it speaks to deeper truths about what it means to be human, dead or alive.

But it was also confusing to see him smitten with Sookie, and I was confused about the dream/fantasy/hallucination: Did Eric get into Sookie's brain, or were Sookie's desires bubbling up from her subconscious? Also, I like Eric and Sookie together better than Bill and Sookie right now. Should I feel bad about that? Anyway. The episode started out with a bang, when Luke suicide bombed himself inside the lair. Lots of blood and Luke's severed hand, with the Honesty Ring still on it. Eric protected Sookie from harm, but tricked her into sucking silver shrapnel from his body, and now that she's tasted his blood, they are linked. She's the heroine of the show. Why is she so dumb?
Additional highlights:

• Jessica musing, "I can't be the only vampire virgin."
• Arlene to Terry: "Quit being so much more peculiar than you usually are."
• Hoyt's momma's potato chip and grilled cheese sandwich, followed by Hoyt telling off his momma. (Plus, it seemed like there may have been some foreshadowing; I wouldn't be surprised if Hoyt's momma had a heart attack.)
• Sam turning into a fly to escape from jail (and Maryann).
• Lafayette stealing Tara away from the clutches of Maryann and Eggs.
• Bill saying, "We have a score to settle," and punching Eric, which is what you do when a dude tricks your girlfriend into sucking his blood.
• Godric's resignation as sheriff.
• Godric about to meet the sun, with Eric on his knees, sobbing "please."

For instance:

• Sam was anonymously called to Merlotte's only to find Daphne's dead body in the freezer. And yes, Daphne's heart was missing. Just like Miss Jeanette's was, earlier.
• Guess who sliced up a heart and served it to Tara and Eggs for dinner as a "hunter's souflée"? Maryann.
• Andy Bellefleur told the truth and no one believed him. Wait, that always happens.
• Jason and Sookie reunited.
• Definite sensuality between Eric and Godric. Seriously, when Eric dropped to his knees in front of Godric early in the episode, I was basically done. That's all I ever needed. Well maybe some nuzzling would have been nice, like if Eric had ever so gently laid his head on Godric's stomach and Godric had stroked Eric's cheek and, um, AHEM. Moving on.
• Definitely "something" between Eric and Sookie.
• Lorena got schooled. Twice.
• There was a giant showcase showdown at the church, involving everyone who's anyone. Props to Jason Stackhouse for shooting Reverend Newlin in the head (with a paintball gun), and for saying: "I've already been to heaven… I was inside your wife."

In the clip above, Godric stops what would have been a blood bath at the church showdown. I like when he says, "I'm actually older than your Jesus" all humble and calm.

The other major development involved Jessica the teen vamp attempting to lose her virginity and realizing, to her dismay, that because of her super-fast vampire healing ability, her hymen grew back after Hoyt broke it. Talk about teen angst!

And here's a question: If Godric is such an old and powerful vampire, how is the Fellowship of the Sun keeping him captive? Why doesn't he just slay mothertruckers left and right? Maybe he wants to die? And why would he give a crap about Gabe raping Sookie, since he's a Death monster and doesn't even know Sookie (clip above)?

Anyway. Among the things we witnessed, overheard and learned:

• Sam, who usually turns into a dog, turned into an owl when being chased by Beasty Maryann.
• Hoyt is a 28-year-old virgin.
• Jessica's way of dealing with Hoyt's virginity: "Just take off your pants."
• Eric cried blood tears over Godric. Romantic!
• In a fight between Jason Stackhouse and Gabe the burly bodyguard, Jason wins.
• Tara to Arlene: "Are you telling me you date-raped Terry Bellefleur?"
• At least we finally saw Godric, the vamp who made Eric a vamp, and who will hopefully inject some much-needed life into this draggy season.

So, in things are not what they seem news: When Andy was yelling at him, Lafayette saw Eric's face instead of Andy's. Is it just post-traumatic, or something Eric is doing to Lafayette? Terry comforting Lafayette was pretty great, though. (Clip above.)

Other notable moments:

• Flashback to the 1920s; Bill in a tuxedo speaking French.
• Hoyt's mom canceling his cell phone.
• Hoyt showing up at Jessica's hotel room.
• Luke calling having sex with a vampire dude the "cream de la cream of sins."
• We thought Daphne was a deer, but Daphne is a pig. Not just any pig. The pig.
• Pam to Lafayette: "You're back in business."
• Sarah Newlin to Jason Stackhouse: "How can this be wrong if it's what God's commanding me to do?"
• Sookie was a damsel in distress. AGAIN. Yawn.

Godric made Eric. Which is why Eric is so intent on finding Godric. And Godric is a vamp who looks like a tattooed, emo little boy, so we're obviously looking forward to that. What else?


A few things:

• Doe, a deer, Daphne is a deer.
• Arlene and Terry. Did they or didn't they? Are they or aren't they?
• "You didn't say not to order off the menu. You are going to be so sorry when I get an eating disorder." — Jessica.
• The thing that Maryann did to Tara to make her life miserable while she was working at the bar? I'm pretty sure Maryann has done that to me once or twice.
• Sarah Newlin giving Jason Stackhouse a soapy handjob in the bath: "God wants you to have a reward."

The vampire leaders are voracious and vain; in one of this season's most darkly funny scenes, one of them dismembers a man while getting foil highlights, then frets about the blood in his hair.

Underlying much antigay literature is the unspoken assumption that homosexuality, while disgusting, is also unbearably tempting. And so, in True Blood, is sex with vampires. Sookie aside, those who crave it are somewhat pathetic-they're referred to, derisively, as fangbangers. Human-vampire carnality is often rough and humiliating. When there is love involved, it's laced with darkness, tragedy, and pain.

Although it's true that the show has a camp quality, so do many types of entertainment. None of the characters are all good or all bad; all of the characters vacillate between making wise and poor decisions. But as for the idea that the hedonistic world is some kind of ring-winger's nightmare, my response is: I'd much rather watch that than a right-winger's dream.

Vampire Conservatives [The Daily Beast]

Although, truly, Sookie's constant need to be rescued can be overlooked, when you have the following:

• Daphne telling Sam, "I know what you are."
• Lafayette sucking from Eric's wrist.
• Lafayette humping the furniture and saying, "I just want to fucking dance." (Eric replying, "How nice for you.")
• The orgiastic party at the Stackhouse place, complete with sploshing and the sculpted, naked buttocks of Eggs.
• "Evil is making the premedicated choice to be a dick." — Jason Stackhouse.

With A Little ‘True Blood,' HBO Is Reviving Its Fortunes [NY Times]

Props to Jessica for bringing the guy home and making the first move and just generally being more entertaining than anyone else in this otherwise very lame episode. Although seeing Jason Stackhouse have homoerotic nightmares about a naked vamp in his bed and hearing the Reverend say, "Sarah doesn't whip out her pudding for just anybody" were also highlights. Still: Lafayette is not a vamp. Foaming-at-the-mouth Sookie is as annoying as naggy Sookie. And Maryann's Bacchanalia complete with pig, booze and gratuitous nudity was, in fact, boring. The only intrigue? The bullheaded-thing that scratched Sookie, and Jessica and Hoyt's budding romance (clip above).

In this interview, Stephen Moyer, who plays Bill, talks about how dating Anna Paquin in real life makes helps with love scenes:

I think we're able to do things that perhaps a couple that weren't together would never dare try. It certainly makes those moments much easier on the crew knowing that we feel comfortable. I'm so used to having them on set when Anna and I are having a love scene that when we get home and we're in bed by ourselves, I kind of miss them.

That said, seriously? Lafayette is the most interesting character on the show. Last night, he clawed through a dead man's bloody and viscous severed leg to find an artificial joint, which he then used to bust out of the damp basement where he'd been chained to a wheel. Once out of the dungeon, Lafayette was shot in the leg by a bartender, but still managed to sass and school his undead captors, trying to convince them that instead of killing him, they ought to turn him into a go-go dancing "bad-ass vampire." (Clip above.) Please, Eric and Pam. Make it happen.

This episode also featured:

• Jason Stackhouse and friend getting all Abercrombie homoerotic competitive on each other at Fellowship of The Sun's Light Of Day camp
• A girl at the camp singing "Jesus Asked Me Out Today"
• The shirtless chiseled six-pack of Eggs
• Police officer Andy describing his dancing as looking like "an epileptic on meth"
• Sookie crying and apologizing to Jessica for inadvertently making her a vamp
• Sookie apologizing to Bill for taking Jessica to see her parents
• The quote: "Muslim Buffy with a dick"

Next week looks very Maryann-centric, which is fine, but when will we find out what happened to Miss Jeanette? And will Eric get to use Sookie to find a missing vamp in Texas?

A Candy Q&A: 'True Blood' star Stephen Moyer answers your questions [USA Today's Pop Candy]
Earlier: True Blood Recap: Questions About The Teen Vamp & Mysterious Maryann

First, Sookie and Bill had a little glitch in their relationship: Bill let time pass before he told Sookie that he'd sired a 17-year old vamp named Jessica. As a young vampire, Jessica needs supervision, and Bill takes looking after her quite seriously. So basically, it's like Sookie's boyfriend has a new teenaged daughter. Surprise! (Great moment: When Sookie asked if Bill and Jessica had had sex, and Jessica said, "Ew, old?" Clip at left.)

Other revelations from last' night's ep: Lafayette is alive! Miss Jeanette is dead. Sam and Maryann have a past; he totally had sex with her when he was a puppy. Sookie knows her Great Uncle Bartlett — a pedophile — was killed by Bill. Jason Stackhouse is going to join the anti-vampire Fellowship of the Sun church. The televised conversation between Rev. Steve Newlin of the FOS church and Nan Flanagan, of the American Vampire League, included a "blood on your hands" accusation — just like when Joan Walsh faced Bill O'Reilly.

Still, intrigue abounded in this season premiere, most of it involving the supporting cast. Some big questions:

• Who would kill Miss Jeanette? Why would her heart be ripped out?
• Will Jessica the teen vamp be able to live on True Blood, or will she have to kill?
• Has Jessica killed already?!?!?
• What does Maryann want from Sam the dog?
• Who — or what — is Maryann?
• Why does Maryann want Tara to hook up with that hot black guy so badly?
• Is the hot black guy real? Or just some kind of trick? (If he's a glamour, or something, then: Boo.)
• Why is Lafayette being held in Eric's basement?
• Who does Eric's highlights?