I know this post is from yesterday, but I witnessed something disgraceful this morning on my ride to work. Picture an extremely crowded metro car because of massive train delays and numerous men sitting in the too few seats. Also picture a woman and her infant and no man offering his seat. I was far enough back that I didn't realize she had the baby with her until I was almost at my stop. I was going to say something but then she got off.
#1 is my pet peeve! I take the bus to/from work every day and the men (mostly 20's and 30's) don't give up their seat for those truly in need, much less an able-bodied woman (heels or no).
I've taken to offering their seats on their behalf (while I stand nearby) to old ladies and women with small children. The recipients are always appreciative, and the men are, I hope, at least a little bit shamed.
Man, am I not getting a joke or something? I don't understand why, and this isn't only on here I think I've seen it crop up on one or two other feminist focused sites, there's an expectation voiced that it's the guy's job to pay for dinner. I don't understand how that could possibly be justified. Like, shouldn't stuff like that be based on a case by case basis (contingent on salary, whose turn it is, special occasion, sudden windfall)? I've heard the argument that it's because women take so much longer to get ready. But, isn't that also a sex based generalization?
@AlabamaWorley: Yes, it is a sex-based generalization and, like everything, is true for some people and not for others. I mean, I take longer/put more effort into/spend more money getting ready than my dude does when we go anywhere, but I'm absolutely baffled as to how anybody would think that entitles me to anything.
I think everything should be determined on a case-by-case basis, which is why I think lists of "rules," even if joking, are lame if not potentially dangerous. Hell, I disagree with the entire list above -- I don't want anyone's seat and if my shoes hurt it's my problem; I rarely take cabs and don't give a rat's ass who gets in first; I like to split expenses reasonably equally; don't "cum" on me at all but if you do (WTF?) I'll take care of it myself; manicures are lame. To each her own, you know? If a dude is into you, he can figure out what you like or YOU CAN TELL HIM. Groundbreaking!
@MrsChuckBass: Imagine my shock on finding out that I have a wife and she does not wish to experience the manly deluge of Chuck Bass on her great golden acreage. What a day!
i want the guy to pay for dinner because it costs more money to be me than it does to be him. clothes, tights, bras, tampons, facials, manicures, haircuts, makeup, handbags, shoes, face cream, waxing. i know i don't NEED to buy all these things. but if a guy wants to go out with me he NEEDS to subsidize that with food.
I have one word: Amen. Am I a crappy feminist? So be it. I work bloody hard every day, am a great mom, and am like Rachael freaking Ray in the damn kitchen. Yes, I expect to be treated like a lady and as if I'm special.
Not to say that my way is better or whatever -- it's just how my brain works!
I'm conflicted about the concept of chivalry. On one hand it's a nice concept. On the other, I feel like men might use this list as a "playbook." Instead of "be chivalrous," maybe we should just tell men to be genuinely nice people.
Case in point - my ex. He was all about chivalry as far as holding the door open, and he always insisted on me walking to his right so that he would always be on the outside (according to him, to protect me from danger on the street - WTF?). This same person also cheated on me with a countless number of women, was jailed for not paying child support, and lives off of his grandma's Social Security.
I'd rather someone like my best guy friend (who I wish was my boyfriend). He is genuinely kind and concerned about me. He opens the car door for me and waits for me to get settled before he goes around the other side to get in. He always holds doors for me. When I cooked us a big dinner a couple weeks ago, he stayed here until almost 3 a.m. and insisted on washing all the dishes, pots, and pans because he didn't want to leave me with a mess.
#1? I'm sorry, the only time one would need to give you their seat on a subway is rush hour. If you are on the subway at rush hour, you are probably going to work. If you are commuting in uncomfortable shoes, you deserve to be standing in those them. Put your heels in your bag or *A* bag and change them at the office. Flats on the commute, ladies. You owe it to your tootsies.
And before you say I'm being judgmental, YES, I myself have commuted in impractical shoes. I accept responsibility for my decision to be uncomfortable from Washington Heights to the Battery.
I think this might have been mentioned before, but I don't so much like the concept of chivalry between the sexes as common courtesy to other human beings, regardless of sex. If someone's coming up to a door I'm going out, I try to hold it open until they get there. Or if someone has a full bag of groceries and needs help, it's only polite and courteous to help them. This likewise applies to #4: the person who can get up should provide tissues (or whatever else) to the person who has cum/other fluid on them.
TSCHEESE'S RULES OF BEING A HUMAN GODDAMN BEING FOR MEN AND WOMEN
Here's the only rule: Your actions affect others, so think of how they feel.
That means: manage your own personal space in crowded areas. Don't sprawl all over and keep other people from sitting down on mass transit. Keep moving on busy sidewalks. Apologize if you inconvenience someone. Be considerate of friends, loved ones, and total strangers. Pick up the check sometimes, sure, but go Dutch sometimes. You're not made of money. Don't expect special treatment because you put on nail polish or high heels. If you see someone in obvious discomfort or exhaustion, give up your seat. Say please and thank you.
It goes on and on! Think of things that you do-things that directly affect others-and then take responsibility and be considerate! That's all! And these are things that both men and women can do for men and for women. There, see? Easy!
It is very obvious that you are a fellow New Yorker. :)
I hate it when people of either gender don't mind their bodies and how they can invade your personal space. Like on the sidewalk: Stick to your lane! Don't swerve around like a pinball! And all people, mind your bags. Stop hitting me with them as you rush by.
#1 has nothing to do with being a woman, or even high heels. If you're sitting and someone exhausted-looking, older than you, or more feeble is standing, get up and give them your seat.
I rarely wear heels so I often give up a seat to someone who is wearing them. Or to someone with a lot of bags, or an older person (male or female)
BUT. If a guy is gonna pick up the check, pick it up and be done with it. Don't keep a tally and don't talk about how expensive it was and blahblahblah. If you're put out by it, tell me to pay half.
11/19/08
11/19/08
11/18/08
I've taken to offering their seats on their behalf (while I stand nearby) to old ladies and women with small children. The recipients are always appreciative, and the men are, I hope, at least a little bit shamed.
Manners: ur doin' it wrong.
11/18/08
11/18/08
I think everything should be determined on a case-by-case basis, which is why I think lists of "rules," even if joking, are lame if not potentially dangerous. Hell, I disagree with the entire list above -- I don't want anyone's seat and if my shoes hurt it's my problem; I rarely take cabs and don't give a rat's ass who gets in first; I like to split expenses reasonably equally; don't "cum" on me at all but if you do (WTF?) I'll take care of it myself; manicures are lame. To each her own, you know? If a dude is into you, he can figure out what you like or YOU CAN TELL HIM. Groundbreaking!
11/18/08
Or in (re: the mouth, b/c I always use condoms whilst having intercourse so it doesn't matter)
Who's with me?
11/18/08
11/18/08
Hee.
11/18/08
11/18/08
1. Open jars for me.
2. Carry heavy furniture for me.
3. Reach things that are on the top shelves.
4. Occasional sex and backrubs.
Everything else I can do myself.
11/18/08
works for female tall, strong friends too:
4. Occasional sex and backrubs.
As a tall, strong female, all I gotta say is this: sigh. if only.
11/18/08
11/18/08
If we know you and don't offer you a seat (i'm assuming you're talking about the subway) then yes, we're acting like a schmuck.
If we don't know you then you're on your own. you chose to wear heels. you can vulture for a seat to free up just like the rest of us.
I only give seats to the elderly.
11/18/08
11/18/08
Not to say that my way is better or whatever -- it's just how my brain works!
11/18/08
Case in point - my ex. He was all about chivalry as far as holding the door open, and he always insisted on me walking to his right so that he would always be on the outside (according to him, to protect me from danger on the street - WTF?). This same person also cheated on me with a countless number of women, was jailed for not paying child support, and lives off of his grandma's Social Security.
I'd rather someone like my best guy friend (who I wish was my boyfriend). He is genuinely kind and concerned about me. He opens the car door for me and waits for me to get settled before he goes around the other side to get in. He always holds doors for me. When I cooked us a big dinner a couple weeks ago, he stayed here until almost 3 a.m. and insisted on washing all the dishes, pots, and pans because he didn't want to leave me with a mess.
Sorry for the novel.
11/18/08
And before you say I'm being judgmental, YES, I myself have commuted in impractical shoes. I accept responsibility for my decision to be uncomfortable from Washington Heights to the Battery.
11/18/08
11/18/08
11/18/08
TSCHEESE'S RULES OF BEING A HUMAN GODDAMN BEING
FOR MEN AND WOMEN
Here's the only rule:
Your actions affect others, so think of how they feel.
That means: manage your own personal space in crowded areas. Don't sprawl all over and keep other people from sitting down on mass transit. Keep moving on busy sidewalks. Apologize if you inconvenience someone. Be considerate of friends, loved ones, and total strangers. Pick up the check sometimes, sure, but go Dutch sometimes. You're not made of money. Don't expect special treatment because you put on nail polish or high heels. If you see someone in obvious discomfort or exhaustion, give up your seat. Say please and thank you.
It goes on and on! Think of things that you do-things that directly affect others-and then take responsibility and be considerate! That's all! And these are things that both men and women can do for men and for women. There, see? Easy!
11/18/08
11/18/08
11/18/08
11/18/08
I hate it when people of either gender don't mind their bodies and how they can invade your personal space. Like on the sidewalk: Stick to your lane! Don't swerve around like a pinball! And all people, mind your bags. Stop hitting me with them as you rush by.
Don't get me started on the trains....
11/18/08
I rarely wear heels so I often give up a seat to someone who is wearing them. Or to someone with a lot of bags, or an older person (male or female)
It's just the polite thing to do.
11/18/08
I love chivalry. It makes me feel special.
BUT. If a guy is gonna pick up the check, pick it up and be done with it. Don't keep a tally and don't talk about how expensive it was and blahblahblah. If you're put out by it, tell me to pay half.