• A little too late, Britney Spears regrets allowing her misdemeanor charge for driving without a license to go to trial. Maybe because the jury started deliberating on Friday and Brit realized if found guilty, she faces a maximum of six months in jail. The $1,000 fine? Not that big of a deal. [MSNBC]
• The Spears jury is presently deadlocked. They're split 10-2, but whether they're leaning toward guilt or innocence is not known. [CBS News, People]
• Britney! Live! On Good Morning America! December 2! [Page Six]
• Brit's hired Wade Robson to choreograph her new world tour. He's the one who did the Slave 4 U moves and can't wait to get started. Plus, he says of Brit's problems: "When you exist in a warped world, warped things are going to happen to you." [The Sun]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty are on vacation in Italy. Again. They were just there in July. [People]
• Chevy Chase was not impressed by Sarah Palin on SNL: "Quite frankly, it's a big mistake to let her go on," he says. "What was brilliant about Lorne [Michaels] was that he had nothing written for Sarah and that apparently she cannot improvise herself out of a paper bag!" He also says: "If anything, you just want her to be seen just from a distance. I'm sure she's very bright. But so is the Butterworth woman." [UPI]

• Gwyneth Paltrow on Madonna: "You know, she's a dear friend, and I'm supporting her in all [the] ways that I can. I'm just here for her. I'm just here on the other end of the phone, really. I speak to her a lot." [Us Magazine]
• Trudie Styler on Madonna and Guy: "They're both dear friends of mine and all good things sometimes come to an end. Obviously they've been struggling for a while. I think they're destined to become great pals." [The Sun]
• Guy Ritchie thinks Madonna spies on him. A source says he thinks of the split as "something concocted by the KGB," and told her: "This is a divorce, not the Cold War." [The Sun]
• Meanwhile, Alex Rodriguez was seen in Miami with his wife and daughter. [The Sun]
• The latest is Madonna wants to raise her kids in NYC. [People]
• Do pictures of Tea Leoni hanging out with Billy Bob Thornton prove anything about the state of her marriage at the time? [TMZ]
• Wow, David Duchovny plans to sue Britain's Daily Mail for claiming he cheated on wife Tea Leoni with 28-year-old tennis instructor Edit Pakay. Pakay says she hasn't seen Duchovny since last November and never had a romantic or sexual relationship [with him]." [Rush & Molloy]
• A 19-year-old hacker who published provocative snaps of Miley Cyrus was raided by the FBI Monday morning in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. He'd gained unauthorized access to her Gmail and her MySpace. The guy's also made about $50,000 exploiting an advertising scheme on MySpace. The moral of the story: Change your passwords often! [Wired]
• Scarlett Johansson will host the Nobel Peace Concert on Dec. 11 due to her "compassion and influence." [Yahoo News]
• Prosecutors in the Raffaello Follieri case are urging the judge to give him more than the four years in prison agreed to in his plea deal. They say he "committed crimes out of greed and a desire to live a lifestyle like the rich and famous." [AP]
• Joe Biden was on Ellen and called Proposition 8 "regressive" and "unfair." [SF Gate]
• Tom Cruise took son Connor (member him?) to see Tina Turner in concert last week, and after the show, Tom went to a dinner for Tina. Private dancer! [Page Six]
• Victoria Beckham, wedding planner! Melanie "Sporty Spice" Chisholm has asked Vicky to help plan her ceremony to fiancé Thomas Starr. Expect crisp white everything. [Pop Dirt]
• Kristin Cavallari of Lauguna Beach is hooking up with hot hottie Chris Evans of Fantastic Four. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton hearts London. "I love the Brits, they rock! Everything from their personalities, style and of course the accents. I'd love to live here one day." Don't let us stop you! [Daily Mail]
• Venus and Serena Williams are posing in evening gowns on a tennis court for November's Bazaar. Click for pix! [Concrete Loop]
• Hugh Grant has dropped out of a romantic comedy called Lost For Words. He would have played a British actor approached to star in a movie by a Chinese director with whom he falls in love after a brief flirtation with her translator; Ziyi Zhang was cast in the role of the director. Hugh Grant will be replaced by a cocker spaniel, who promises to be as floppy and charming. [UPI]
• Eminem on that 2002 MTV Awards where he was seated in front of Moby and had a showdown with Triumph The Insult Comic Dog: He was drunk. [Rush & Molloy]
• Pamela Anderson was seen leaving a plastic surgery center with a bandage on her chest. What does it mean? [Perez Hilton]
• Gillian Anderson gave birth to a son last week, whom she named Felix. Her first son's name is Oscar. Her very own Odd Couple. Gillian also has a daughter named Piper. [Reuters, ET]
• The driver of a car in which Mary-Kate Olsen was riding backed into an an El Pollo Loco delivery vehicle in West Hollywood. M-K was out furniture shopping at the time. [TMZ]
• Teen Dream Zac Efron will be in Pirates Of The Caribbean 4. Disney's got to "groom" a successor for Johnny Depp. Not that you can replace Johnny Depp. Especially not with a dude from a teen musical. [The Sun]
• Here's a video of a Faberge egg that belonged to Princess Grace. It's making its first public appearance at the Clevland Museum. [Forbes]
• A burger restaurant in New York has a huge Andy Warhol hanging by the takeout window; guess who is pissed off? The Campbell's Soup people. They say the art makes it "seem that the restaurant is affiliated with or sponsored by Campbell in some way." [Page Six]
• Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora were together Saturday night — for the sake of daughter Ava, who was celebrating her 11th birthday. [TMZ]
• Here's a story all about the drug habits of the Rolling Stones. (Mick Jagger's been clean for years; Ronnie Wood and Keith Richards, on the other hand, were "permanently fuelled by a combination of cocaine and alcohol.") [The Sun]
• Sting received a kiss — described as a "terrifying snog" — from Little Britain transvestite character Emily Howard; aka David Walliams. [Mirror]
• Bond Girl Ursula Andress has suffered from osteoporosis for the last eight years: "My doctor told me that I had to take medication to save my way of life. I find it so strange because I had no pain, no warning. But that is the nature of the disease. You carry on as normal and you don't realise that your bone is becoming like glass." [Daily Mail]
• John Cleese: Baffled by the curtains in his California hotel room. [The Sun]
• Hmm, a blogger accused of leaking songs from the long-delayed Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy has pleaded not guilty to violating federal copyright laws. He could get three years in prison if convicted. Does this mean the album may actually get released??? [AP]
• Fergie, the Duchess of York, probably won't get married again: Her daughters don't want her to. She also says of Prince Andrew: "He said I must never say this, but he said, 'We are divorced to each other, not from each other.' We are the happiest unmarried couple." [Daily Mail]
• Ricky Gervais has an idea for an Extras Christmas special. He misses Extras more than The Office and says: "Andy Millman was more real than David Brent by the end of the show and I loved Maggie Jacobs - she was the best character we've ever come up with." [The Star]
• Katy Perry, whose single "I Kissed A Girl" has more than five million worldwide sales, says she really has kissed a girl. "Of course. I think I was 19. I kissed a girl and it was great." [The Star]
• Tim McGraw has co-written a book about a dad and his daughter, just hanging out. He says dads should bond with daughters, but not by getting pedicures or shopping: "Do what you have to do in your regular routine and take them with you. It makes all the difference in the world." [Yahoo News]
• Robert De Niro's hotel got a bad review. You talkin to me? [Jossip]
• Jamie King has been dealing with a stalker, and had to get protection from the cops. "It's very real and he was very aggressive," says a source. "He had recently escaped from a mental institute. It was scary." [E!]
• Apparently the cover of OK! with Jordan breaking up with husband Peter Andre was a trick/joke. [Perez Hilton]
• Daniel Craig is backing a £2 million campaign to fund a new lifeboat station near his childhood home. [Telegraph]
• Hulk Hogan's son: Out of jail. [AP]
• "You can’t ignore divorce rates. Every friend of mine has parents who are divorced. I didn’t go into it with Max thinking, 'This is going to last forever.' But I did go into it thinking, 'I love him right now and I know that I will continue to love him for a long while.'" — Peaches Geldof, 19, on her quickie marriage to Max Drummey. [Perez Hilton]
• "She said that small towns, that's the part of the country she really likes going to because that's the pro-America part of the country. You know, I just want to say to her, just very quickly: Fuck you." — Jon Stewart on Sarah Palin. [Perez Hilton]
• "In writing my memoirs, I have made a great many observations about myself and my sister Madonna. I will not be commenting on her divorce as that is a private matter between her and Guy Ritchie and would consider any commentary on my part dishonorable and disrespectful." — Christopher Ciccone. [MSNBC]
• "I’d never work out and lose weight if the part called for it. I’d say, 'that’s not the film for me.' It’s not real life, it’s ludicrous. If you fall for someone because they’ve got a jawline and a chest and they’re brain dead it won’t last! In life, real people fall for nice people all the time and Hollywood denies that a bit. That’s what I brought over from Britain." — Ricky Gervais. [The Sun]

• Lindsay Lohan will appear on SIX EPISODES of Ugly Betty, including the season finale. LL will play an old classmate of Betty's who is down on her luck. Naomi Campbell, Christian Siriano, Victoria Beckham and now Lindsay? It's official: Ugly Betty is the new Love Boat. [TMZ]
  
• Oooh, Lindsay's mugshot is being used in a drunk driving ad. [Reuters]
  
• Courtney Love was in the hospital over the weekend; homegirl has strep throat! Stay away. (Not that you needed a warning.) [Mirror]
  
• Thirty guests attended Jamie Lynn Spears's baby shower in Kentwood, LA on Saturday and big sis Britney was one of them. The ladies sat in a circle and opened gifts and nothing scandalous happened, yawn. [People]
  
• Britney hadn't been in her hometown since early 2007. Bet she misses some Southern cooking. [People]
  
• Miley Cyrus appeared at the Disney Channel Games concert Saturday night and thanked fans, saying: "Thank you guys for all your support. Without you, none of this would be possible. I love every one of you and I could not be more appreciative. God bless you." Then she took her top off. Kidding! [People]

• Boo! Amy Winehouse has backed out of recording the theme for the new James Bond flick because she's not ready to work. Also: Nothing rhymes with Quantum of Solace. [Variety]
• But! Amy will duet with Pete Doherty at a gig at Royal Albert Hall. Which sounds um, healthy? [Mirror]
• The nanny who is accusing Rob Lowe of sexual harassment also babysits for Shanna Moakler, whom you may know from the MTV show Meet The Barkers, as she is Travis Barker's ex-wife. [People]
• Oscar nominee Judy Davis is suing a Sydney newspaper over an article that implies she is a child-hating selfish hypocrite. The thing is, she doesn't want floodlights on a soccer field near her waterfront home. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Dina Lohan to Jill Zarin of The Real Housewives of New York: "I don't watch TV. Especially reality shows." Haha bet you will when yours starts airing! [Rush & Molloy]
• Kim Kardashian: Seen going for a laser cellulite treatment... With camera crews in tow, of course! A butt that famous needs lots of attention and tender loving care. [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which newly minted TV star is a pushover who already looks ready for rehab? At an L.A. party, the actor was mocked into doing a bunch of shots, despite protesting numerous times that he had to drive that night." [Rush & Molloy]
• Lily Allen spent £300 at a nail salon last week but neglected to tip her technician, tsk tsk! [Mirror]
• Sean "Diddy" Combs was honored with a star on the Walk of Fame in Hollywood on Friday; his mom, kids and baby mama Kim Porter were all in attendance — and dressed to match. [Concrete Loop]
• Avril Lavigne has laryngitis and has canceled or postponed most of her tour. Get a refund, people! [People]
• Dinner with Erykah Badu is up for auction! The proceeds go to the African American Museum in Dallas. [UPI]
• Gary Dourdan is "embarrassed" about his arrest situation. But the luggage in his car with all the drugs wasn't his and the reason he pulled over and cops found him sleeping in his car was because he didn't want to drive while drunk. So there's that. [People]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes gave the Beckhams a wine tasting trip to Napa Valley for their birthday; Seal and Heidi Klum and Kate Beckinsale and Len Wiseman also came along. Hot couples wandering through the grapevines? Sounds like the opening scene of a very classy porn film. [Mirror]
• A woman is scheduled to testify at R. Kelly's upcoming child pornography trial, and will reveal that she had a threesome with R. and the allegedly underage girl in the infamous video. Wait, wouldn't that be a crime, too? Oh, the woman was also underage when she had the threesome. Great. And by great I mean awful. [TMZ]
• A Sting charity concert was meant to raise money for the rain forests, but less than half of the show's profits actually went to the cause. "What are they doing with the money?" the Better Business Bureau asked. Good question. [UPI]
• Orlando Bloom: Seen out drinking sake with a buddy instead of attending a fashion show where his girlfriend Miranda Kerr was in the front row. [News.com.au]
• Elle Macpherson is moving from London to her homeland of Australia. [News.com.au]
• Country star Gretchen Wilson, 34, passed her GED exam in April and will don a cap and gown and finally graduate from high school on May 15. Better late than ever! [AP]
• "I came to grips with my bum. Before, I always tied a shirt around my waist when I went for a run. It was ridiculous. I finally told myself, 'I'm not doing this anymore — I have nothing to hide.' I've got some curves, I've got a bubble butt, but I don't mind, because it's what powers me forward when I run." — Elisabeth Hasselebeck. [Page Six]
• "Unfortunately for certain media outlets, you will never be able 2 'Michael Jackson' me. That means 2 make it seem like everything I do is so weird or out of place... they always try 2 make it seem like everything is about my ego! That joke is getting old. At a certain point you have 2 respect that I'm one of the last artist that still cares about the fans having the best time of there lives!" —Kanye West. [Perez Hilton]
• Iron Man made $100 million? This country confuses me. [E!]

• Uh-oh... Tracie Rice, the woman who was in the car Lindsay Lohan chased at high speed right before her DUI arrest last July, claims she has spent upwards of $3,500 on therapy since the incident (and lost her job). Guess who she wants to pay for the shrink? Papers have been filed! [TMZ]
  
• Lindsay is also being sued by the busboy who was injured when her car smashed into his vehicle in 2005. Raymundo Ortega is also naming The Ivy restaurant in his suit; he claims the hotspot supplied LL with booze before the accident. Linz had better quit shopping and start working. [TMZ]
  
• The cancellation of the Golden Globes means no movie studio parties, no magazine parties, no hotel room reservations, no limos, etc. The Los Angeles economy will reportedly take a $100 million hit. [Page Six]
  
• The LAPD issued a restraining order to Britney Spears last Thursday night during her custody standoff. The emergency protective order is enforced for five business days and dictates that the person it's placed on stays 100 feet from the other person or face arrest. Sick of this story yet? [People]

• Rapper Eminem was rushed to the hospital over the holidays for pneumonia and a heart condition. Sources say his weight has "ballooned" to 212 lbs. Thick Shady? [TMZ]
• Preggo teen Jamie Lynn Spears: Loves the soundtrack to Juno. No, really. [Page Six]
• Zoey 101, Jamie Lynn's Nickelodeon show, is experiencing its highest ratings ever. Nothing says "hot teen entertainment" like a knocked-up star. [E!]
• And hey, Jamie Lynn is attending parenting classes with her mom, so that could be good. [MSNBC]
• Dita Von Teese is suing an L.A.-based dominatrix who allegedly stole the proceeds to a film Ms. Von Teese made in 2001. Not sure how you get a dominatrix to back down... maybe Dita needs a "safe word"? [Page Six]
• Blind-esque item! "Which former presidential daughter is on the 'Anna Wintour facial refreshment plan'? Before she went on a book tour last year, she paid a visit to her dermatologist to get Botox, restalyne and collagen injections so she could face the public looking like her old self." [Page Six]
• Will Smith: Loving Scientology! He gave the crew of a film gifts when the movie wrapped: cards good for a personality test at any local Scientology center. Which, incidentally, you can get free. From the Church of Scientology. [Gatecrasher]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: Getting drinks even after the bar was closed at the Critics Choice Awards. Sucks not to be them. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which distinctively named member of a chart-topping pop group swings both ways? He surprised his male talent escort at a recent Hollywood red-carpet event with an invitation back to his hotel room." [Gatecrasher]
• "I'm not going to tell her to go to rehab. She's not an idiot, she knows what her problem is." — Kelly Osbourne on Amy Winehouse. [Mirror]
• Right before the new season of American Idol begins: Paula Abdul had a "nervous breakdown that lasted 10 minutes" at the Continental Airlines terminal at LAX, says a source. "One minute she was hyperventilating and on the verge of passing out; the nest she was yelling into her cell phone in this deep, rage-filled Poltergeist voice." [MSNBC]
• An anchor on the Golf Channel (?) said that other golfers should "lynch Tiger Woods in a back alley." Absolutely unconscionable. [Perez Hilton]
• Sopranos star James Gandolfini has asked his girlfriend, former model Deborah Lin, to marry him. She said yes. [Perez Hilton]
• Jennifer Lopez says there was "massive pressure" from her family to get knocked up. "When Marc and I first got married, my mother rang me every day asking if there was any news," she spills. "I come from a Latino family where it's all about children." Surely her mother will be doubly psyched when J. Lo gives birth to twins? [People]
• A carbon footprint organization has rated green rock bands and Pete Doherty is greener than Sting. And not green as in he smokes green. [Mirror]
• Jude Law's ex-wife Sadie Frost, 42, has been shagging men in their 20s. "It's not a conscious thing but dating a younger man seems to work," she says. "They're not so intimidated by the fact that I've got a family." (Sadie's got four kids!) [Daily Express]
• Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil is "falling apart" in prison. He's had to receive medical attention for self-inflicted injuries; he's been slashing his arms and breaking down in tears. [TransWorldNews]
• Jessica Alba on teen heartthrob Zac Efron: "He looks like a child with a lot of makeup. I was like, My God, you're just a little kid." [News.com.au]
• Fergie is a sex freak. Yeah, didn't need to know, but there it is. [The Sun]

• American Idol finalist and sex-tape star Jessica Sierra, whom you may have last seen smoking naked in a bathtub, is pregnant. The father is a "rapper." Sierra remains in a Florida jail, though she is now in the infirmary on a "pregnancy diet." [TMZ]
  
• Hey, have you heard the rumor that the father of Jamie Lynn's baby is rapper and fellow Nickelodeon star Lil' Romeo? Yeah, we hadn't either, until now. But here it is! So... yeah. [The.Life Files]
  
• Meanwhile Casey Aldridge, the reported babydaddy, has been avoiding the spotlight and gone into hiding. "He doesn't want to say the wrong thing to the media," a pastor in his hometown said. "At the right time he will speak." Casey was class president and campus favorite at his high school and the principle says "He was just a super dude." Well okay then. [USA Today]
  
• Also, Casey is 18, not 19, so no statutory rape. Apparently. [CelebTV.com]

• And Casey wants to marry JLS, says the same pastor. (Though in OK! mag, JLS said she had no plans to get married.) [NY Post]
• Nickelodeon, the network on which JLS is a star, is considering airing a special about sex and love. Uh, how about condoms? [CNN]
• And, not that anyone asked, but Facts Of Life star Lisa Welchel has applauded JLS for keeping the baby. "I'm so proud of her for stepping up and being courageous and taking responsibility for her choices," she says. [ABC News]
• Britney Spears bought her sister a tank top bedazzled with the phrase "Hot Mama 2 B." Sigh. [MSNBC]
• Heather Mills' lawyers may sue her for £2 million in unpaid fees, ugh. [Telegraph]
• Sting and wife Trudie Styler have pictures of half-nekked ladies in their bedroom! Oh, they're Helmut Newton prints. Classy! [Daily Mail]
• Is there trouble in paradise for Kelly Ripa and hubby Mark Consuelos? Sources say she's pissed that he had "goo goo eyes" for co-star Nadine Velazquez on the set of his cable movie Husband For Hire. [MSNBC]
• Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon may have fought because she was a "cozying up" to illusionist Criss Angel while Rick was at a poker tournament. A friend says, "Their relationship is so volatile [that] I'm sure this won't be the last time she files [for divorce] but nothing happened with her and Criss; they were just hanging out." [Page Six]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's 3-year-old daughter Apple Martin walked into a store in the West Village and started "speaking a mile a minute and telling the clerk that her dad was taking her to see the new Alvin And The Chipmunks," says a source. Dad Chris Martin was a few seconds behind her and ushered her out. [Page Six]
• Once, Moby was in Kiev and it was so hot that he called the front desk and asked for a fan; the concierge replied that he was sorry but there were no women in the lobby. Badumbum. [Page Six]
• The Spice Girls' Sunday show was less than full and some ticket agencies were selling seats at slashed prices. Is the girl powah gone? [Page Six]
• Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart are heading back to work: Their shows will both resume production January 7, without the writing staffs. Should be interesting! [E!]
• The L.A. County Sheriff's department has investigated whether Mel Gibson and Paris Hilton received preferential treatment after their arrests. The verdict? Yes. Obvs. [ET]
• Leonardo DiCaprio says he got beat up by drug dealers when he was growing up. Yikes. [Mirror]
• Eva Mendes on learning that Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant: "It's an epidemic, I hope I don't catch it!" [The Sun]
• Vanessa Redgrave is helping two suspected Al -Qaida operatives: She paid half of their bail and says, "Guantanamo Bay is a concentration camp. It is a disgrace that these men have been kept there all these years." Their lawyers argue that there is "not a shred of evidence" against them. [Telegraph]
• Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, wanted to boycott the Royal Family's Christmas celebrations because she is not being shown enough respect. She believes junior royals and members of the Queen's household look down on her. Eh, they probably do. [Daily Express]
• A toy and flower shop owner prayed for a miracle to save his struggling business and poof! Brad and Angelina showed up. Christmas miracle! [TMZ]

• Oprah's not a hairdresser, but she did chop about nine inches off of Hilary Swank's mane — which was then donated to Pantene Beautiful Lengths. The segment will air on Oprah's show Friday. Wonder if either of them read about how sometimes writing a check is better? [People]
  
• Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen: Still at it. The couple had dinner at New York's Waverly Inn, owned by Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter. [Page Six]
  
• Was Gisele Bundchen a witch for Halloween? She cut the line at a haunted house in New York. [Page Six]
  
• Paul McCartney's soon-to-be-ex-wife, Heather Mills, is so upset about being branded a "whore and a gold digger" that she has thoughts of suicide. "I considered killing myself because I thought, if I am dead, [Beatrice] can be safe with her father," she says. [Page Six]

• Dog The Bounty Hunter star Duane "Dog" Chapman has apologized for making racist slurs. Dog was recorded while on a phone call with his son — dropping the N word several times in a rant about his son's girlfriend, who is black. [People]
• Owen Wilson pees with the stall door open. [Page Six]
• Sting was seen in the Champagne Lounge of a strip club, probably not singing "Don't stand so close to me." [Page Six]
• Kelly Klein is a mom! Lukas Alexander Rector was born to a surrogate in California on Oct. 25. He'll be raised in New York, and though he has his mother's maiden name, Kelly's ex, designer Calvin Klein, will be involved in his life. Ah, the modern family! [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which designer who's gone 'round and 'round the revolving rehab door gets his fix from a model - who's been in rehab herself, though for a different problem?" [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which famously un-single hip-hop powerhouse recently had a booty call with three women in a private third-floor room of that very trendy restaurant on Greenwich St.?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Rocker Joel Madden says of his situation with pregnant girlfriend Nicole Richie: "Having a baby is the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me, and to us." [People]
• It's a little late, but if you wanted to be Posh Spice for Halloween, the key is: "Don't smile at all. You have to look really miserable. Like really miserable. Annoyed," says Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [People]
• Speaking of Posh, she's back to dark hair, you know. [The Sun]
• And Posh's hubby? David Beckham? His new best friend is Snoop Dogg. Their kids play soccer together and Snoop says, "I love soccer just as he loves hip hop." [Mirror]
• An Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty duet??? Please please please let this come true. [The Sun]

• OMG. This is amazing. Sex-tape star Kim Kardashian was seen "making out" with Terrence Howard! And he was seen "rubbing her butt"! Does she know about the baby wipes??? [Page Six]
  
• Jennifer Lopez's mom told a Daily News reporter she didn't hear about Jennifer being pregnant. "You know more than I do. I don't talk to her very often." Ouch! We're totally calling our mom later. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Lindsay Lohan's rep says the rumor about LL shagging married dude Tony Allen in rehab is "mean" and "untrue." Because that's her job. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Have you seen Beyoncé's new dark hair? [StereoHyped]
  
• Mary-Louise Parker's adoption of an African girl is "a great idea" says Angelina Jolie. Inside she was thinking, "Copycat!" [Page Six]

• Whoopi Goldberg seen giving Sherri Shepherd fashion advice? How very troubling. [Page Six]
• Today in the Charlie Sheen custody drama: Denise Richards claims Charlie got engaged to fiancée Brooke Mueller to get on the cover of People. [People]
• Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds want a "fun and casual" wedding. You know what would be fun? If Scary Spice showed up! [People]
• Brad Pitt: where he's from in the Midwest there's a "congenital sadness" but he's happy to have kids and their mother is "amazing." Same old same old. [People]
• Brad's next project? Playing a disgraced boxer in a flick based on a true story. We like that the documentary about the fighter was called High On Crack Street. Kind of says it all. [E!]
• For last year's transgression — trying to enter an airport with a collapsible baton in his luggage — Snoop Dogg was sentenced to community service in a location that does not involve children, games or football. Boo! [TMZ]
• Sharon Osbourne says Ozzy is always up for sex. "He's like a rabbit. Every song gets him in the mood." Ugh, too early for this! [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse and hubby Blake Fielder-Civil had a spat before her MOBO performance, which might have been why it was kind of a mess. A source claims Blake told her he was going to slit his wrists, and that Amy's toilet was covered in vomit. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Did you hear about Sting visiting a brothel in Germany? Apparently his wife doesn't give a damn. They were nuzzling in public last night. [Daily Mail]

• The Eva Longoria nupti-news continues: Ryan Seacrest wept and everyone got huffy (heh) when Teri Hatcher showed up mugging for cameras in a dress tailored to look exactly like the bridesmaid dress. Um, if succeeding at undermining someone requires wearing a bridesmaid dress when you don't have to we would normally call it a Pyrric Victory but it was Eva Longoria, so, go Teri! [Gatecrasher]
  
• Madonna demands eye contact during interviews. We can't wait to see the contract her lawyers drew up for sex! [Huffington Post]
  
• Aw. Sean Preston is only three years old and already he is carrying mommy's cigarettes like a good boy. Baby knows it's hard to fit everything in mommy's bikini bottoms! [The Sun]
  
• New word we just made up: Fauxbriety. It's what guylined Ashlee Simpson boychick Pete Wentz is into when he's not practicing sobriety. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Brandon Davis should maybe look into it! [Page Six]

• Live Earth-athon: The Police kiss Al Gore's ass, Kanye kisses Sting's ass, Alicia Keys kisses Keith Richards' ass, everyone gets along! [Rush & Molloy]
• A Senator showed up on the DC Madam's list but he's from Louisiana so it doesn't actually count. [Washington Post]
• Jamie Lee Curtis: I have a terrorist's mind. [Huffington Post]
• Memo to Jamie Lee: Then please do something about this. [TMZ]

I wanna give you something better
Than anything you've ever had
A stronger and a faster lover
The world, it disappears so fast
Sweet kiwi
Your juices dripping down my chin

Yeah, so the song is called "Kiwi," which we hope means her lady secretions were, ha ha, green. But the real head-scratcher here is: Why does Mr. Whiny "She Wiiiiill Be Loved" want to get the sex over harder and "faster"? See, we've long been under the impression that there were two types of sex: "Slayer Sex" and "Sade Sex." Turns out there's a third way! Which brings us to our poll:

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So dating blogger Alyssa Shelasky — catch up on how she dangled those participles all the way into our hearts here — finally comes clean about why shitty she dumped the product abusing jam band listening "honest" "innocent," "loving" banker she once called "The One" the Observer. (Pictured above, drowning his sorrows for the legions on MySpace). And the answer is: she met a man who listened to Sting.

Then someone — who I barely knew, but somehow trusted (to put his tongue to her snatch, we presume?} — slapped me across the face emotionally. If you love him, you have to let him go. He said it over and over and over. (As he probed his way to a slow, shoulder-shuddering climax.) (We presume.)If you love him, you have to let him go.

Ok, so, she either met Sting and she is misquoting him, or she met a dude who got away with paraphrasing Sting, but either way, Alyssa, we understand. In high school we totally made out with some dude who liked The Cure, until we got finger banged by some other dude who liked Portishead (don't judge! it was 1996!), until we finally gave away the big V to a Wu-Tang fan...and....learned to get our own taste!

But baby, we feel bad about how bad you felt. I mean, if you truly were engaged to a "banker" who was both "honest" and "innocent", he wasn't very good at banking.

When the Relation-ship has sailed [Glamour]