• Elin Nordgren isn't leaving Tiger Woods, but she is revising their prenup. A source claims she's "being paid a hefty seven-figure amount - immediately transferred into an account she alone controls - to stick with her husband."

• Elin has reportedly demanded a total rewrite of the couple's prenuptial agreement. Others say they're in marriage counseling, and a friend of the couple adds, "She and Tiger have had problems in the past, this is obviously as bad as it's ever been, but she's not leaving as of now." [MSNBC]
• Elin Nordegren reportedly called Jaimee Grubbs, Tiger Woods' alleged mistress, to confront her about her affair with her husband on Friday after his car crash. Grubbs told her co-workers that a woman called from an unidentified number and when she asked who it was, the woman said, "You know who this is because you're fucking my husband." [TMZ]
• Jaimee Grubbs told Us: "Elin has never called me as far as I know. I did get a call from an unknown number last Tuesday (the same day as Tiger left me a message), but I never picked up." [Us]
• A "friend," who claims Jaimee Grubbs told her all about the affair, says she asked her about Woods being married, "and she said that she just put a blind eye to it... She just played the dumb card and whenever it came up she just changed the subject or never let on that she knew he was married." [E!]
• Jaimee Grubbs told all of her co-stars on Tool Academy that she was having an affair with Tiger Woods. "We all knew about Jaimee's affair with Tiger Woods because she told us," said her castmate Aida Menaska. She also talked about the affair on camera. " I guess they cut it out because VH1 didn't want to cause problems for Tiger Woods and his wife," said Menaska. [Radar Online]
• Us editor Bradley Jacobs says that before the magazine posted the voicemail Jaimee Grubbs claims is from Tiger Woods it was vetted by the Us legal team. "It's very clear that this is Tiger's voice," Jacobs said. "He's a very recognizable figure. He's a billion dollar brand. We all know his voice. As soon as you hear it, you know it's Tiger." [CBS News]
• An attorney for Tiger Woods' neighbors says they saw him after his accident on Friday and his injuries were "consistent with a car wreck and inconsistent with him being beat up... The scratches on his face were consistent with someone who maybe was in a minor car accident and hit his head on the windshield. ... None of his injuries looked like he was beat up by his wife." [ESPN]
• Rachel Uchitel (Tiger Woods' other alleged mistress) and her lawyer Gloria Allred have been complaining about the paparazzi hounding them... so they had lunch at Spago and fed the photographers cookies afterwards. [TMZ]
• Roman Polanski will be placed under house arrest at his Alpine chalet on Friday. He will have to wear an electronic bracelet and stay in the house as officials decide whether to extradite him to the U.S. [AP]
• Michael Lohan gave a two-and-a-half hour deposition today against his former BFF Jon Gosselin for TLC's lawsuit against Jon. "They asked questions regarding my involvement on a business level with Jon Gosselin; deals that were negotiated, transactions that did occur and basically my deal with Michael Heller," said Lohan. "I think they have a very, very strong case, one that I definitely don't think they'll lose. So good luck to Jon." [Radar Online]
• Four people accused of breaking into the homes of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and other celebrities pleaded not guilty to felony burglary charges today, including alleged ringleader Nicholas Prugo. [AP]
• A judge has thrown out a defamation lawsuit filed against the Dixie Chicks by the stepfather of one of the three 8-year-old boys killed in Arkansas 15 years ago. The man says Natalie Maines accused him of being involved with their deaths because she made statements supporting the "West Memphis Three," the teenagers convicted of the crimes. [AP]
• BREAKING: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie held hands at a party hosted by George Clooney and Brad asked people how their Thanksgiving was. [Us]
• According to USA TODAY's Celebrity Heat Index, which measures media exposure, Angelina Jolie is this month's hottest celebrity, followed by Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Kourtney Kardashian is the most popular reality star, to which we say, "Her?" [USA Today]
• Lily Allen has confirmed she's going to take "one or two years off from recording and performing music" after a concert at the O2 in London in March. She says she's going to start a record label, set up a fashion shop with her sister, and "spend some time in the home I've built for myself." [BBC]
• Sad news: David Beckham's 83-year-old grandfather died today of lung cancer. He and Becks were very close. [The Mirror]
• British Prime Minister Gordon Brown referred to Reese Witherspoon as Renee Zellweger when she visited Parliament to promote Refuge and Avon's global campaign against domestic violence. It wasn't just a slip of the tongue either. He said, 'I'm very grateful that Renee Witherspoon is leading this campaign. She spoke movingly at the funeral of Anthony Minghella and I welcome her to the House today," but Zellweger spoke at the memorial. [Daily Mail]
• Kate Hudson said of the pictures of her kissing A-Rod at the AMAs, "There's a guy that's shooting probably 60 frames a minute. That was a sideswipe on the cheek. That wasn't even a kiss. I quickly kissed the cheek. And I remember one of the headlines the next day said, MAKEOUT SESSION. What is wrong with people?" [People]
• Redmond O'Neal appeared in court today for a progress report and told the court, "I have been doing treatment awhile your honor... I want to do something different. I want to stay clean." The judge said, "I told you to turn it around, and it looks like you did." [Radar Online]
• Ugh. In the TV special Psychic Hollywood: The Search For Truth, which airs next week, Alana Stewart asks medium James Van Praagh to contact Farrah Fawcett. He says, "She (Fawcett) wants to thank you... and she's bringing these beautiful flowers." [Daily Express]
• Camila Alves, Matthew McConaughey's girlfriend, will hose the new season of Shear Genius. [People]
• Stevie Wonder broke down and nearly cried at the Rock and Roll 25th Hall of Fame Anniversary Concert while performing Michael Jackson's "The Way You Make Me Feel." John Legend gave him a hug. [TMZ]
• Pamela Anderson is being sued for $5,000 by a contracting company for allegedly refusing to return tools and other supplies to one of the people who worked on her Malibu estate. [Radar Online]
• American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino is starring in a new VH1 reality show called Fantasia For Real, which debuts on January 11. [N.Y. Post]
• Sara Rue, the new spokeswoman for Jenny Craig says, "My weight has fluctuated my whole life, and because I've been on television since I was 11 years old, everyone has seen it." [People]
• A judge denied a request from Verne Troyer's ex-girlfriend to make her temporary restraining order against him permanent. [TMZ]
• Kimora Lee Simmons may return to judge America's Next Top Model next season. [E!]
• Kimora Lee Simmons would like you to know that, "Djimon Honsou and I enjoy discussing anything from politics to wine, and we have enriching, private, happy, balanced lives together... That's probably the thing that would shock people most: We do things like go to the grocery store and have fun with our kids. We're a normal family, doing the best we can." [People]
• "I don't want my children to feel they have a sense of entitlement," says Sarah Jessica Parker. "I want them to work hard and be challenged. That's hard to do when you have everything you need and want, so I am working on those values all the time." [People]
• When asked what she thinks of White House party crashers Michaele and Tareq Salahi, table-flipper Teresa Giudice of The Real Housewives of New Jersey said, "It's a little crazy... I wouldn't go to any place I wasn't invited to. It's poor etiquette. It's not my style." [Us]
• "It's just so natural for me to be married," says Khloe Kardashian. "I was never somebody who was a serious relationship person. Now I'm all in and it's so easy. It's so comfortable for him and I both." [People]
• "I would not advise any actor necessarily, if he was really thinking of his career, to come out," says Rupert Everett. "It just doesn't work and you're going to hit a brick wall at some point. You're going to manage to make it roll for a certain amount of time, but at the first sign of failure they'll cut you right off. And I'm sick of saying, 'Yes, it's probably my own fault.' Because I've always tried to make it work and when it stops working somewhere, I try to make it work somewhere else. But the fact of the matter is, and I don't care who disagrees, it doesn't work if you're gay." [The Sun]
• Will Ferrell says, "I would love to play Simon Cowell in a movie - heck, I would love it. It would be my dream role. He's become a legend in five years, nobody knew who he was five years ago and now he's one of the most famous people on TV. It wouldn't be that hard for me to play him because I see a lot of Ron Burgundy in Simon Cowell." [Daily Express]

• The Tiger Woods case may be closed, but a Los-Angeles based cocktail waitress, Jaimee Grubbs, is telling Us Weekly that she had a 31-month fling with Tiger. And:

Another woman from a nightclub in Las Vegas is expected to be named any minute now. Can of worms, you guys. Can of worms. [MSNBC Scoop]

• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Us Weekly has voicemails from Tiger Woods in which he says: "Hey, it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye." You can listen at the link. [Us Weekly]
• Jaimee Grubbs, the alleged recipient of the voicemail, allegedly bragged about her relationship with Tiger at work and played the voicemail for coworkers. Allegedly. [TMZ]
• Jaimee Grubbs also says she has photos and hundreds of "racy" text messages from Tiger Woods. [NY Daily News]
• More on Tiger's sexting here. One message reads: "I will wear you out... when was the last time you got [bleeped]?" [Radar Online]
• This report claims that Tiger Woods booked and paid for Rachel Uchitel's trip to meet him in Australia in November. [Radar Online]
• Lindsay Lohan was out Monday night, hanging with John Mayer and Samantha Ronson, and was "totally sober and well-behaved." No, really. [Page Six]
• According to this column, John Mayer was "playing relationship counselor" to Sam and Lindsay — getting Sam to talk to Lindsay, whom she initially ignored. The two ended up spending much of the night talking and laughing! John Mayer is magic! [Gatecrasher]
• Caaaaaaashmere sweaters! Oprah's "Favorite Things" episode may be back next year! [CNN]
• Like Taylor swift, Bon Jovi and Gwen Stefani, Jay-Z is suing an establishment for playing his music without paying. [TMZ]
• What's this? Justin Timberlake's new hair looks like his old hair? You don't say. [Gatecrasher]
• Adam Lambert is hoping one of his songs will be in the Twilight movie Eclipse: "It's kind of about vampires," he explains. "It's a great song. It's very theatrical ... very campy." SHOCKING. [Gatecrasher via MTV]
• Tragic times we live in: Britney Spears, Rihanna, David Beckham, Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom were all seen at LAX Monday — and they all few commercial. [Gatecrasher via X17]
• George Clooney's frequent flier tip: Wear slip-on shoes. "The shoes you have to tie, they take forever." But: "I never wear those goofy masks on my eyes. I am too worried about the guy in the next seat taking a picture of me. That is one photo that you can't live down." [People]
• Kim Kardashian has finally reached her "goal" in terms of her body, and you can see what that looks like in a pic at the link. [NY Daily News]
• Another amazing Twitter pic: Tyra and her real hair! [NY Daily News]
• The Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie promises to be "epic" and those involved are looking to "recreate that Gladiator magic." Production is "massive," claims Ridley Scott. Russell Crowe says: "I don't think there is a satisfying Robin Hood and that's one of the key reasons for wanting to make another one." Expect to see Robin with cropped hair and a beard, much like Maximus. [News.com.au]
• Clint Eastwood, who directed the Nelson Mandela film Invictus, says he finds Mandela "Christ-like." "There are just no people like this on the planet." [Showbiz 411]
• Stevie Wonder has been named a United Nations Messenger of Peace, which is a brilliant idea. [UPI]
• Rah rah ah ah ah: Barry Manilow hearts Lady Gaga. "I really think she's got something going for her," he says. [Reuters]
• Barry should know that a teen panel has declared that Lady Gaga and Jamie Foxx songs are the musical equivalent of junk food with "unhealthy relationship ingredients." But: "We aren't telling people what they should or should not be listening to," Barbara Ferrer, of the Boston Public Health Commission, said in a statement. "We are giving them a tool that will help them make an informed choice about what they put in their bodies." Fourteen teens attended a seven-week commission-sponsored institute on healthy relationship promotion and teen dating violence prevention, where they were taught to evaluate music based on themes of power, control, equality and gender roles. [USA Today]
• Sting was asked: "Do you feel uncomfortable travelling between various homes in various continents at enormous carbon cost?" by Newsnight's Jeremy Paxman, who added: You're not being blamed for the global crisis, you're just being called a hypocrite." Sting "squirmed in his seat." [Guardian]
• OMG OMG OMG: Joan Collins is hoping to take her makeover TV show Joan Does Glamour to the US! Hairspray, diamonds and shoulder pads for everyone! [Mirror]
• "Customers who buy a diamond at Ivanka Trump's Bridal Bar, where rings start at $15,000, will get a three-course dinner with champagne and a night in a Trump hotel in Manhattan." Get engaged — get a room. [Ny Daily News]
• Corey Feldman's going through a divorce and wants joint custody of his son and doesn't want to give his wife spousal support. [TMZ]
• Little Richard is out of the hospital after hip surgery and wants to work hard at recovery so he can "get back on the road as soon as possible." Let's hope he's feeling Tutti Frutti ASAP. [AP]
• Norah Jones has won her battle to transform the windowless side wall of her Amity Street mansion in Brooklyn's Cobble Hill by punching out 10 windows. [Brooklyn Paper]
• "Oscar-nominated actor James Woods has settled a lawsuit against a hospital in Rhode Island where his younger brother Michael died in 2006." [Mirror]
• Whatshername and Whatshisname reunited… To watch their son's nativity play. [The Sun]
• "I did show my line at Bryant Park, which is not in this season, but I knew that I had to really prove myself as a designer more than anybody else out there. There are so many celebrity lines and there are so many reality show lines, actually, that haven't really done well and haven't shown much design sense. So I had to prove myself even more, that I really did take this seriously. I think no one ever expected me to put so much heart and soul into it. I guess the verdict is still out regarding what they think of my talent." — Whitney Port. Lots more at the link. [LA Times]
• "We as a family are under a lot pressure. [People want] to make us look bad and wants us to fail. [With the Melrose Place firing, the world], again, always want to make it look like we're failures but we're really just a family that works hard. My children look at ups and downs and rise up above it all and remain strong...We're just normal people, and we always try to be who we say we are." — Joe Simpson on his daughters Ashlee and Jessica. [Us Magazine]
• "They are all different. I have died with my eyes open, which is more interesting than dying with your eyes shut. I can't remember how I died as Tolstoy, but I have done Cyrano de Bergerac on stage and I died with my eyes opened. I think that's marvelous, because in the theater the lights hold to your open eyes and it's kind of marvelously frightening for a second." — Christopher Plummer, who plays Tolstoy in his latest film The Last Station. [LA Times]
• "I think we should say something about class in America. It's the dirty little secret nobody wants to talk about… What about the people at the top who are evil and corrupt and don't want to change and don't want to give up the positions of power that they inhabit to make other people suffer and to make actual real horror in the world? They don't want to change. What do we do about them?" — Roseanne Barr tries to be the voice of the disappearing American middle class on her radio show, "The Tipping Point." [LA Times]
• "I think she's probably quite nervous... She's smart but make no mistakes, this will be a very different kind of show than what you're used to. Obviously everyone wants to sit next to me. I am thinking about pulling names out of a hat." — Simon Cowell on Ellen DeGeneres joining the judging panel on American Idol. [Mirror]
• "You can still contribute even if you are not as fortunate as I am. I've been blessed and I've been over-rewarded for what I do and I'm trying to give my time and my resources but you know, I'm a rich rock star, so shoot me." — Bono, urging people to buy products from the (RED) brand, which funds aid projects in Africa. [Telegraph]
• "A lot's changed since I was on TV. We have a black president now. Actually, Obama called me and asked me to help him with his campaign. He said he had two rules for me — don't use the 'N' word, and stay off TV. Figures the first black president would run on a platform of only taxing the rich, and now I'm rich!" — Dave Chappelle, in a surprise visit to Caroline's comedy club. [Page Six]
• "OK, so I didn't really go to high school parties. I didn't touch pot 'til I was in my 20s. I didn't get flat-out drunk until I went to college [Harvard]. But I think that's a good thing in many ways." — Natalie Portman. [Page Six via Marie Claire]
• "Not only is my performance raw in this film, but through most of the film I am naked from the waist down. So not only am I raw, I'm chafed." — George Clooney, joking about Up In The Air. [People]

Although, this was weird:

It was part of some montage that ran on the jumbo screen.

Hey, did you know that Michael Jackson is the reason that Obama was elected into office?

Did he even ever vote? Jehovah's Witnesses usually don't. (According to Prince.) Sharpton also said, "It was Michael Jackson that brought blacks and whites and Asians and Latinos together." Literally, all I could think was "What about Native Americans?" This dance was in my head all weekend:

Maya Angelou wrote a long-ass poem about Michael and then didn't even go. She had Queen Latifah read it.

Berry Gordy was the first to get up there and really eulogize Michael. He talked about the later singer's good and bad times, and then implied that we're supposed to start calling Michael "The Greatest Entertainer That Ever Lived" from now on. I don't know…"King of Pop" is a lot catchier. And easier.

Magic Johnson talked about Kentucky Fried Chicken.

And Al Sharpton wanted his three kids to know that their father wasn't strange.

Brooke Shields gave a touching eulogy in which she pretty much blew her cover as his beard.

She also said that he was "undoubtedly perched on a crescent moon." But I highly doubt that if he is on the moon that he's "perched." He's moonwalking. Doye.

Then a Congresswoman got up there and ranted and raved for the longest time about the legal system.

As for the performances, there was the big singalong to "We Are the World," for which family and close friends got on stage with a bunch of nobodies holding the mics.

There was also the good:
Stevie Wonder

Usher: I didn't like how "showy" he was, singing to the casket and stuff.

The bad:
Mariah didn't sound good.

Jennifer Hudson and the Arm-Motion People. She sounded great, but what is the deal with interpretive dancing? Also, I totally thought they were singing the song from Working Girl at first.

And the ugly:
John Mayer and his O faces.

Wesley Snipes

Earvin "Magic" Johnson; Miko Brando

Martin Luther King III; Brooke Shields

Jennifer Hudson; Usher

Chris Brown

Mariah Carey

Joel Madden; Nicole Richie; Lionel Richie

Queen Latifah

Mickey Rooney

Smokey Robinson

Al Sharpton; Louis Farrakhan

Lionel Richie; Mike Tyson

Stevie Wonder

The Kardashian Klan

Corey Feldman

[Images via Getty.]

And so are we. (Well, I am.) From now until the service ends, I'll be liveblogging the circus (and it will be a circus, or more literally, the warm-up act for the circus: the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus will be opening tomorrow at the same venue). For those who want to "follow" along but are unsure which channel to tune into — ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, MSNBC, CNN, CNN Headline News, Fox News Channel, E!, TV Guide, TV One, MTV, VH1, VH1 Classic, VH1 Soul, BET, Telemundo or Univision — you can get a breakdown of the coverage here.

3:55 I'm closing the show with this:



3:40 Paris closed the show by saying that she had "the best father."

3:35 Back-to-back singalong of "We Are the World" and "Heal the World."
Paris, Prince, and Blanket joined in.



3:30 What the hell is this guy's deal?



3:25 Shaheen Jafargholi is singing "Who's Loving You." Anyone else think it's weird that an unrelated prepubescent boy is there?



3:15 Usher sang "Gone Too Soon." He's the first to get down and actually sing to the casket. He cried at the end and it was touching, but the thunderstorm warning in NYC kept fucking up the mood. (Video to come.)



3:00 Martin Luther King Jr.'s daughter said, "If faces can smile…"
We imagined Michael's response, "Faces can smile, silly!"



2:59 Jermaine is singing "Smile."

2:56 Brooke Shields is basically talking about having Michael Jackson as a gay best friend. I like it though. It's really touching. "When we were together, we were two little kids, having fun. We never collaborated together or performed together." But seriously, she is ubiquitous.

2:45 People are chanting "Michael, Michael, Michael!" And then John Mayer stepped out instead. He's performing "Human Nature." But without singing—like Kenny G-style. This will be playing in dentist office waiting rooms around the country soon.



Video to come. Lots of "O" faces.

2:39 He just told Michael's kids, "There was nothing strange about your daddy. What was strange was what your daddy had to deal with." That got a standing ovation.



I think Blanket has an MJ doll with him.



2:36 Al Sharpton is being himself…loud.

2:28 The arm-motion choir behind Jennifer Hudson gives MJ two thumbs up.



They aren't signers right? I took American Sign Language as my foreign language in college, and this is not what it looked like:



2:12 Stevie Wonder is performing "Never Dreamed You'd Leave in Summer." It's pretty awesome. Video to come.

2:08 Now there's a montage of dancing and songs.

2:07 Mariah singing "I'll Be There."



2:04 Berry Gordy is giving the eulogy. He said mostly glowing things but also, "He had some bad, bad times and made some questionable decisions…" But he ended with, "I think he's simply the greatest entertainer that ever lived." That brought the house down.

2:03 The Jackson men are wearing matching suits and sparkly gloves.



1:55 Lionel Richie is singing now. It's a religious song I don't recognize.

1:52 Queen Latifah is reading a poem that Maya Angelou wrote for the occasion called "We Had Him."

1:49 Mimi:



Video to come: Her voice sounded…not great. But Trey Lorenz was there!

1:43 The casket:



1:40 The pastor giving the sermon keeps peppering his speech with song titles ("Remember the Time," "Heal the World," etc.).

1:38 Someone screamed, "I love you, Michael!" And the crowd cheered. Then someone else screamed, "We ALL love you, Michael!" And then the crowd cheered again.

1:36 A choir is singing (the same one that did back up on "Man in the Mirror") and the stage is set up just like a church. There are rolling clouds behind the windows.



1:25 I like Coop's Rhythm Nation-style mic.



1:19 Martin Bashir is on ABC talking about how he feels demonized for his documentary Living with Michael Jackson. People are so hung up on this demon talk.



1:15 OK, now it's totally dark and silent:



And it's going on for a long time. None of the anchors on any of the stations know what order anything will happen.

1:13 Smokey Robinson is reading statements written by people who couldn't attend, like Diana Ross and Nelson Mandela.

1:06 Informal poll:
What will Stevie Wonder sing?
A.) "Never Dreamed You'd Leave in Summer"
B.) "You Are the Sunshine of My Life"
C.) "Part-time Lover"

1:04 Informal poll:
What will Mariah sing?
A.) "I'll Be There"
B.) "One Sweet Day"
C.) "Bye Bye"

I hope it's "Bye Bye" but that she changes the lyrics up to include: "This is for my people who just lost somebody/ A best friend/ An icon/ A dancer/ [fill in the blank]…"

1:02: The service should be starting any minute now.

1:00 Some of the pages of the memorial service program are online now. Missing: the first page, with LaToya's message. I wanna know what she said!

12:56 This girls is pumped about seeing MJ's coffin.



12:50 You guys, guess who's gonna be there!



12:43 E! is approaching this like it's red carpet coverage, but instead of former models or comedians hosting, they have serious journalists, like the guy who used to work at Us and had his own sex scandal.



12:27 Channel Hopping:
MTV: Playing videos in between Sway and Kim Stolz talking at the Staples Center. Also, the network ID marker has turned this into a black ribbon event. Elizabeth Taylor is gonna need a Girl Scout sash to hold the rainbow of badges she's amassing.



VH1: Showing the same packages as MTV.
BET: Kevin from the first Real World is talking:



Fox News: Following the casket on screen as it drives to the memorial.
Telemundo: Same as Fox News, but sexier.
E!: Longest Proactive commercial ever. It seems like they're front loading with the ads so they don't have to cut away.

12:08 Now it's being reported that the mood inside the Staples Center will be "somber," with no "pomp and circumstance."

11:53 Check out the program for the memorial service:



Also, CNN will not let up on talking about Michael "overcoming his demons." They must've said it like 20 times already. It makes this picture—from the program—have a lot more meaning. Actually, I don't care how big of a deal "Thriller" was. Zombies are too scary for a funeral.



11:45 CNN said that MJ's coffin will be placed in the empty space between these flower arrangements at the foot of the stage:



That means he'll have front-row access to Mariah's performance, possibly even an up-skirt view.



11:30 This is the scene outside the Staples Center right now. It's a little reminiscent of Lollapalooza. All it needs is a game of hacky sack and an herbal ecstasy kiosk.



11:38 OK, so now CNN is saying that the body will be there. The family is bringing it with them in a procession, and then another private service will be held after the Staples Center memorial.

11:27 The Jackson family is at the Forest Lawn cemetery right now for a private service. Helicopters are swirling overhead, grabbing footage. So is his body going to be at the Staples Center or not? Are they going to drag him all over L.A. today?

11:18 Has anyone heard from Oprah, regarding MJ's death? I'm curious to know what she thinks.



11:04 The View has not been preempted, as of yet. Barbara Walters just called in from L.A. and said that the Jackson family has asked her to sit with them at the service.

Pre-show: We've never experienced a goodbye like this for an entertainer before, and we may never again. We've also never seen people so psyched for a funeral/memorial. Last night, Dateline featured the excitement of some lucky fans who managed to score tickets for the Staples Center event through the public lottery.

• Lindsay Lohan is being sued by a Florida chemist named Jennifer Sunday, who claims the actress stole the formula for Sevin Nyne tanning mist.

Lindsay says she co-created the formula with Lorit Simon, a Las Vegas businesswoman who air-brushes tans for celebrities. But Simon had signed a confidentiality agreement in January with Sunday's company. By the way, Sevin Nyne is named after Lindsay's lucky numbers. [St. Petersburg Times]

• The Real Housewives Of New York want more cash before they'll return to the show next season. We're talking six figures, a clothing allowance and money for hair and makeup. Bravo is responding by interviewing replacements, haha. [Gatecrasher]
• Are Countess LuAnn de Lesseps and Count Alex on the verge of a reconciliation? [Page Six]
• "Rihanna's Risqué Fashion Choice Of Pasties Ensures No One Looks At Her Hairstyle." [NY Daily News]
• In a ceremony yesterday, Prince William was made an honorary barrister. He says: "I play football, rugby and water polo, not very well, but particularly pride myself in being a quite magnificent armchair centre-back at football and flanker at rugby... and now you have made me a barrister — I promise not to practise, except for the odd speeding ticket." [Telegraph]
• Barack Obama on Michael Jackson: "There are certain figures in our popular culture that just capture peoples' imagination, and in death they become even larger. I have to admit that it's also fed by a 24/7 media that is insatiable." [CBS News]
• The Michael Jackson memorial is today, and Mariah Carey, Stevie Wonder, Usher and Lionel Richie will be taking part. [Reuters]
• Debbie Rowe, biological mother of Michael's children, will not attend. [NY Post]
• Will Michael Jackson's son, Prince Michael Jackson, perform today?!?!?! [MSNBC Scoop]
• The Jackson family was at Forest Lawn Cemetery in Los Angeles last night, viewing the body. [TMZ, People]
• Michael Jackson's mother, Katherine, has turned his bedroom into a shrine, with life-size wax models from Madame Tussauds and his old report cards. [The Sun]
• Word on Michael Jackson's kids — who have not been seen since his death — is that they are with their grandmother, Katherine, and are "doing as OK as can be expected." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Uh-oh: A Liz Taylor-Michael Jackson drug link? This piece details "How Taylor's pill habit fed Jackon's addiction, how the two shared the same doctor, and the warnings they both received." [The Daily Beast]
• In this interview, Brooke Shields — who first met Michael Jackson when she was 13 — says as Michael grew up, "the more asexual he became to me." She also says: "He was like a little kid who talked about the bases - what first base was, what second base was," Shields said. "It sounded very odd to the outside, I can imagine, but to the inside, to someone who's never really left his bubble, you can understand how he would be curious." [AP via Rolling Stone]
• Robin Leach has a blog (!?!) where he writes: "Just 48 hours before his death, Michael Jackson was 'in a high state of stress and emotional drama, fearing that he would never be able to complete the 50-concert run in London, and it would kill him.'" [Vegas Deluxe]
• Ugh, every funny or crazy thing the poor man said is now coming out as a headline. For instance: "Michael Jackson Wanted To Clone Himself." [Mirror]
• In a police report from 2004, five doctors are named as continually prescribing drugs for Michael Jackson. [The Wrap]
• Congressman Peter King — who ranted about MJ over the weekend — has more to say. He calls the coverage of the singer's death an "orgy of glorification." [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson news = huge traffic for TMZ. [AP]
• When Megan Fox went to Michael Bay's house to audition for Transformers, "He made her wash his Ferrari while he filmed her." Apparently this footage is now missing. [Page Six]
• Madonna is in talks to perform on Simon Cowell's X Factor show; Lady GaGa and Rihanna may also make appearances. [The Sun]
• By the by: Madonna has plans to do a concert in Warsaw, Poland on a day celebrating the Virgin Mary; Lech Walesa calls this "Satanic provocation." [Reuters]
• The Office's Jenna Fischer: Engaged! [People]
• A Brit paper claims Kelly Osbourne called Lady GaGa a "butterface": Kelly responds, "I have a big mouth and that's no secret… BUT when words are being put into my mouth and things are being printed that I did not say it really makes me really mad. I am a huge fan of Lady GaGa. If anything i'm slightly jealous of her wardrobe and I am definitely in no position to be calling anyone a butter face." [Perez]
• Diddy's White Party is being called "B-list" because Tila Tequila, Tara Reid and Tom Green were there, but what about Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Russell Brand, Jonah Hill and Lindsay Lohan? [Page Six]
• Twilight star Kellan Lutz and 90210's AnnaLynne McCord are so totally on, but don't want people to know. Luckily, you don't even care, do you? [Page Six]
• Scores, a "gentleman's club" in New York City, has offered Heidi Montag $25,000 to strip. [PopCrunch]
• Paula Abdul calls the American Idol panel a dysfunctional family of sorts." To wit: "I'm the nurturing mom, Simon's the disapproving dad, and Randy's the cool brother." Oh, and forgotten stepsister, whatshername? [AP]
• Here is a sentence from a story about Agyness Deyn's love life: "Agyness Deyn is now all loved up with cheeky Scouse musician Miles Kane from The Rascals, who is also one half of The Last Shadow Puppets." Got it? [The Sun]
• Well, this should be insane: Kathy Griffin will host Comedy Central's roast on Joan Rivers. "I will be roasting Joan with more gentleness and tenderness than her latest chemical peel," quips Kath. [Variety]
• Bruce Willis' Idaho ski lodge burned down earlier this year, and the actor is planning on rebuilding bigger and better. [USA Today]
• Ooh la la: Kristin Scott Thomas will star in a production of A Little Night Music on the stage in Paris. [Variety]
• My übercrush Benicio Del Toro visited a prison in Puerto Rico Monday, telling inmates in a theater group: "I believe everyone needs a second chance… I am here to help reaffirm that as long as there is life, you can still help society in some way, you can improve yourself." [AP]
• Even though Winona Ryder has said a Heathers sequel was "in the works," the film's director, Michael Lehmann, says: "Winona brings it up every once in a while and [writer] Dan Waters and I will joke about it but as far as I know there's no script and no plans to do the sequel. I never thought it made sense to see a sequel to a movie which took place in a specific time and specific place and in which many of the characters got killed off." Well. Fuck me gently with a chain saw. [Daily Express]
• Anna Kournikova was seen with a huge diamond ring on THAT finger but tried to hide it and refused to elaborate. [AP, Page Six]
• Blind item! "Damage control! Which hard-partying actor rushed back to his local AA chapter when he was caught drinking, but is actually still on the sauce?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Quidditch is right up there with the least fun things I've done in Harry Potter. It's not a pleasant experience, it does hurt quite a lot and it's not something I would rush back to." — Daniel Radcliffe. [Telegraph]
• "I've had a cross tattooed over the tattoo I got of his name. I won't get his name removed because he was part of my life but I just want to get on with the divorce now." — Katie "Jordan" Price on estranged hubs Peter Andre. [The Sun]
• "I would like to think I haven't been influenced by him too much just by playing him for so long. I am thrilled to have this in my life, but it is separate from my life, you know? It's nice to be called Dan. And actually I started correcting people now. You do feel like a bit of an idiot doing that, but at the same time, in the long run it is better for us. I know it's better for me." — Daniel Radcliffe, who would like to remind you that he is not actually Harry Potter. [LA Times]

• Harry Potter starRupert Grint recently came down with a "mild" case of the swine flu, but has since recovered, thanks to a quick healing potion whipped up by Professor Snape a few days of rest.

• "It has just been confirmed that Rupert Grint has taken a few days out of filming due to a mild bout of swine flu," says Grint's rep, "He has now recovered and is looking forward to joining his fellow cast members at the junket and premieres this week and will then return to filming directly afterwards." The Scourgify charm was then placed on the entire set to ensure that no one else would come down with the illness. You probably don't believe that last bit. Pfft. Muggles. [People]
• Meanwhile, Grint's castmate, Daniel Radcliffe is coming to terms with being Harry Potter: "I would like to think I haven't been influenced by him too much just by playing him for so long. I am thrilled to have this in my life, but it is separate from my life, you know? It's nice to be called Dan. And actually I started correcting people now. You do feel like a bit of an idiot doing that, but at the same time, in the long run it is better for us. I know it's better for me." [LA Times]
• And as for Radcliffe dating Emma Watson? "I'm sorry guys, it's not happening. It's just not. There's something really incestuous about the idea of it."[ShowbizSpy]
• D'oh! Brad Pitt had to be rescued by paparazzi after his motorcycle broke down during one of his rides around L.A. [DailyMail]
• In an example of when keepin' it real goes wrong, Courtney Love trashed a hotel room in true rock star fashion, causing over $5000 in damage and leaving "dirty needles and used feminine hygiene products behind." Yikes. [PageSix]
• Prince will be playing the Montreux Jazz Festival on July 18: tickets are $180 to stand and $443 dollars to sit. No word yet on if you'll get tickets just by singing "but all I can do is just offer you my looooove." [Reuters]
• Allen Klein, who managed such high profile acts as Sam Cooke, The Beatles, and the Rolling Stones, has died at the age of 77. [EW]
• "I've found throughout my career, that sometimes when you share things like that, that you've gone through, it can be very inspirational to other people. And there's times when people inspire me. When there's disillusion about the business, or certain things. Someone says because of you, my daughter loves her body now, and she's a big girl and she looks at you and she says she can do it because you do it. And those stories make me feel good about myself. It makes me not afraid to share certain things."- Queen Latifah [LA Times]
• Pauly Shore is reportedly considering suing Sacha Baron Cohen for "stealing" his idea of "of adopting an African baby as a plot device." [Shakesville]
• Alec Baldwin says he's been urged by an Ohio law firm to consider relocating to the state and running for governor. [UPI]
• "Obviously we have very different personalities - he was a lot more shy than I am. That's because I was allowed to have a normal childhood and he wasn't, so there was a vulnerable side to him that made you want to take care of him and protect him. He was a real paradox, one of the world's greatest performers and obviously very confident on stage, but in real life he was very shy and you really felt for him."-Madonna on Michael Jackson [ShowbizSpy]
• Madonna played tribute to Jackson last night by having an impersonator join her on stage at London's O2 Arena to perform some of Jackson's most famous dance moves and telling the crowd, "Let's give it up for one of the greatest artists the world has ever known." [AP]
• A reader has sent in a clip of the Madonna performance; you can view it here. [YouTube]
• Stevie Wonder plans to sing at Jackson's memorial service at the Staples Center in Los Angeles on Tuesday. [Mirror]
• Jackson will be buried at Forest Lawn Cemetery on Tuesday; his body will be laid to rest without his brain, which will be studied by a forensic neuropathologist in order to provide more clues on what, exactly, led to his death. [Mirror]
• "I just wanted to hear him deal with a romantic relationship with a human being rather than a rat. I'm saying that facetiously, but it's true. I saw him at the Oscars very emotional about "Ben." I wanted to hear him get in touch with a real human relationship. "She's Out of My Life" was written by Tommy Bahler from a very bad ending to a marriage. So it was very real. I was saving it for Sinatra. But I gave it to Michael. And Michael cried during every take, and I left the tears in."- Quincy Jones on Michael Jackson [Details]
• Ian Barkley, Jackson's personal photographer, says that Grace Rwaramba, former nanny to Jackson's children, was also "Jackson's secret girlfriend." [Mirror]
• Barkley also claims that Jackson was an "extremely protective" father: "His kids totally love their dad and he was extremely protective over them. Even when we were just around his staff, he was protective. We would babyproof everywhere, like really expensive suites. They would tape up every corner with cardboard and make sure the kids couldn't hurt themselves, and they were very strict on what the kids would eat to make sure they didn't have allergies." [E!]
• Jackson had a cancerous lesion removed from his nose just days before he passed away. [USWeekly]
• "We seemed to spend most of the time playing around and having a laugh. He became very friendly with my family and we had lots of great times. Although we drifted apart in later years, I will always remember fondly the fun we had working and playing together. My family and I send our deepest condolences to his family. We know that his great talent will never be forgotten." -Paul McCartney on Michael Jackson [TheSun]
• Over 1.2 million people have registered in order to obtain tickets to Jackson's memorial service; only 17,500 tickets are actually available. [Reuters]
• Major television networks, including ABC, CNN, and MSNBC, plan to run live coverage of Jackson's memorial service, starting Tuesday morning at 10am PDT. [Yahoo]
• Matt Damon, who handed off his "Sexiest Man Alive" title to Hugh Jackman, says he hopes Jackman wins again this year: "Maybe he can be the first to do it back-to-back. I'll start campaigning for that." [People]
• Azharuddin Ismail, who played Salim in Slumdog Millionaire, has finally moved into a new home thanks to the Jai Ho Trust, a fund set up by the film's producers. Ismail's earlier home, "a tarpaulin and sheet hut" was demolished in May. [Reuters]
• After 10 years together, David and Victoria Beckham have been named "the perfect married couple" in a survey taken by Wedding TV. [Telegraph]
• Mia Michaels, the choreographer who is helping Katie Holmes prepare her charity performance on So You Think You Can Dance says Holmes is a "brilliant" dancer. "She's really blossoming into a gorgeous triple-threat star," Michaels says. [People]
• Blind Item: "This male Celebrity Musician has an addiction. It's not what you think. Not drugs, or sex or even rock'n'roll, no, his addiction is to the internet. That's right, this Celeb is probably part of your online community. He loves celeb gossip, loves computer games, and even allegedly writes some steamy fan fic! The guy is online all the time, reading what you write, reading about himself and his loved ones, reading about his enemies and posting comments and pics, just like us!" [BlindGossip]
• Seth MacFarlane entertained 600 guests at his housewarming party by performing a medley in front of a 45-piece orchestra, garnering "polite applause" from his audience. [Page Six]
• "I am very flattered my gay friends enjoy my work. Gay, straight, I'll take anybody at this point, hermaphrodites."- Katie Couric [PageSix]

• Time magazine will release a commemorative issue honoring Michael Jackson on Monday, featuring interviews with celebrities such as Stevie Wonder, Whitney Houston, and Tina Turner. It will be the magazine's first commemorative issue released since 9/11. [Time]

• "He had a childlike heart. And that was very very impressive to me. At the end of the day we're all human beings, and for those who can't see that it is possible for a man who's an adult to have a childlike spirit, it doesn't mean that they're weird, it doesn't mean they're a freak, or whatever ridiculous things that people say. We have all kinds of people in the world. The most important thing is that your heart is in a good place."- Stevie Wonder [Time]
• Aretha Franklin took a moment of silence at her performance at the Hollywood Bowl on Friday in order to honor Jackson: "We do thank you, Michael, for every performance, for every kind thing you did, and we do want to take a moment in remembrance of Michael Jackson."[LATimes]
• "I did meet him one time, and it was amazing. He was just an awesome dad, great with his kids. His kids were so smart and attentive. They were there in the conversation as well. We had a great time. We threw around paper airplanes his son was making – like these really cool ones that were just brilliant. It was just beautiful to meet him. I'm glad I got the chance."-Alicia Keys. [People]
• President Obama has also sent a note to the Jackson family to express his condolences. [WashingtonPost]
• A replica of Michael Jackson's planned "This Is It" comeback tour will be held in September, with high profile artists such as Madonna stepping in to perform in his place as a tribute of sorts.
• Kenny Ortega, director of the "This Is It" tour says that at Thursday night's rehearsal, "There were a couple of times when Michael stood at my side and we looked at the stage together and were just beaming with gladness that we had arrived at this place. And he was happy."[LATimes]
• Dr. Conrad Murray, the last person to see Jackson alive, has hired an attorney. [LATimes]
• Murray's spokeswoman insists that he is "in no way a suspect," and is merely being investigated as a witness. [USAToday]
• At the request of the Jackson family, a second autopsy has been performed. According to NY State Police chief forensic pathologist Michael Baden, "The second autopsy will give the family a lot more information than they have right away, within a few days." [LATimes]
• Joe and Katherine Jackson claim that they are being left in the dark, as far as Michael's will is concerned, but they "really want the children," says a source. [People]
• However, a source claims that if Debbie Rowe wants to see her children, the Jackson family "won't stand in the way." [TMZ]
• "Michael's whole life was a mess except for those kids. He loved them. They didn't have a 'normal' life but Michael was always there for them," says a source, "When you talk to them, they are extraordinary people. They are not at all what you'd expect. They are very innocent, quite naive, in fact. They are good kids. Michael was a good father. He was always with them. They are lost now. They have lost the only father they've ever known." [DailyMail]
• "Please do not despair, because Michael will continue to live on in each and every one of you. Continue to spread his message, because that is what he would want you to do. Carry on, so his legacy will live forever."-Joe Jackson [CNN]
• Grace Rwaramba, who was a nanny for Jackson's kids for many years, paints a pretty tragic picture of his life, claiming that she had to pump his stomach several times and that he was not aware of how bad his financial situation was. [TimesOnline]
• Did Jackson leave a "secret library" of unheard music behind? [TimesOnline]
• Bob Dunn, the trainer who now cares for Jackson's chimpanzee, Bubbles, says that Bubbles misses Jackson: "Bubbles definitely missed him when they parted and will miss him now. Chimpanzees are intelligent. They remember people and stuff. Bubbles and Michael were close friends and playmates. The last time Michael visited, Bubbles definitely recognised and remembered him." [Telegraph]
• "What [Michael] taught me is that you always have to be nice to your fans and always treat them with love and respect. Even if you don't remember the moment, they are always going to remember that moment. That's something that I carry with me." -Corey Feldman [People]
• "Michael was great. He had a sense of humor. He worked hard. People talk about how hard Kobe Bryant works; he didn't work harder than Michael Jackson. This is what I've come to learn. You know, I did a documentary on Kobe, I know him; Michael Jordan, I worked with him a little; Michael Jackson - when you love what you do that much, it's not work. So you can go longer and harder and faster and quicker because it's not a burden. You love what you're doing."- Spike Lee [Time]
• In non-MJ news: Mel Gibson is expecting a baby girl with his girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva; it will be the eighth child for Gibson. [DailyMail]
• A private funeral for Farrah Fawcett will take place on Tuesday. [Reuters]
• Eddie Van Halen married girlfriend Janie Liszewski on Saturday; Liszewski walked down the aisle to Van Halen's "When It's Love," which I'm pretty sure is the wedding equivalent of wearing the band's t-shirt to the concert. [People]
• Chris Isaak says that nobody will ever measure up to his high school sweetheart, who passed away from cancer 10 years ago: ""If I had a magic wand and I could go back in time I wouldn't have been a musician if I could have married my first girlfriend. I'd have done anything for her." [DailyExpress]
• Bad news for Russell Brand fans: Brand's second book has been shelved because he's been "too busy to finish." [Telegraph]
• "And why, oh why, is it that Bravo housewives feel the need to wax poetic on all of the charity work they do? If we were all that charitable, would we need to validate ourselves by bringing it up?"-Bethenny Frankel [E!]
• Hugh Hefner was happy to see his ex-girlfriend, Kendra Wilkinson, marry Hank Baskett on Saturday: "I could not be more delighted. This is one of the happiest days in one of the happiest places on Earth." [E!]
• "I think people are struggling with the concept of how much do you let go and age gracefully. How much do you try to, you know, fight it and stave it off?"-Michelle Pfieffer [WashingtonPost]
• Kate Hudson was in the stands as her boyfriend, Alex Rodriguez hit his 564th home run. [People]
• "It's always at the back of my mind that acting might come to an end for me when Harry Potter finishes. I don't know if I'm good enough to have a long career."- Rupert Grint [Telegraph]
• Bradley Cooper swears that he's just friends with Jennifer Aniston: "In America, its not like it is here. She's someone who is super, super known. Famous. If someone says 'hello' to her, it's given that he's fallen in love with her. So, no. No. She's a very, very interesting woman, but she's simply a friend." [People]
• "When I lived in New York I tried really hard to ditch the British accent to fit in. I went to classes and everything. I ended up putting on this terrible 'Nu Yawk' accent and hid behind that for a while. Now I don't try to hide it so much, but my accent slips all over the place. It's a mess - I don't sound like I'm from anywhere any more."- Mischa Barton [DailyMail]

• Kate Winslet tells Allure that when filming The Reader, she had to regrow her pubic hair:

"Because of years of waxing, as all of us girls know, it doesn't come back quite the way it used to. They even made me a merkin (wig) because they were so concerned that I might not be able to grow enough." [MSNBC Scoop]

• Jon Gosselin speaks! He's on the cover of People, saying, "Eight Enough Is Enough!" [People]
• Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez: It's getting serious. How do we know this? A source says: "He introduced her to a bunch of his friends." [People]
• In case you were wondering what Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou named their baby boy, it's Kenzo. Kenzo Lee Hounsou. Has a nice ring to it. [Page Six]
• Uh-oh: Stevie Wonder's son busted for domestic violence? Love's in need of love today. [TMZ]
• Steve Dennis has penned a book titled Britney: Inside The Dream and writes about the pop star shaving her head: "The head-shaving had little do with self-loathing, more a loathing against the public persona that had defined her until then. What few people knew was that Britney was rowing with her mom, Lynne, who seemed to be incessantly reminding her of her motherly duties and responsibilities… The head-shaving moment was the culmination of an escalating rebellion, heightened by heartbreak over her divorce and custody battle, that can be traced back to 2004 when Britney decided she no longer wished to conform, be controlled or take instruction." [The Sun]
• Lindsay Lohan is in London, and her hotel is right down the street from Samantha Ronson's hotel. What a coincidence! Anyway, LL's Twitter said: "Missing a certain someone after a massage and chicken noodle soup... U (she) knows. Cuddle time soon I hope - fly safe." [Daily Mail]
• This was in Midweek Madness three weeks ago, but here it is again: Rihanna has "less than flattering" nude pix of Chris Brown. And plans to leak them. [World Of Wonder]
• Whoops! Melissa Joan Hart was overheard last week saying she hoped Farrah Fawcett wouldn't die — cuz then MJH would get bumped off the cover of People. [Page Six]
• A woman is claiming she was attacked and left "crippled" by Sacha Baron Cohen (as Bruno) at a Bingo hall in 2007. [TMZ]
• This paper is restrained and not at all sensationalist when it prints the words: "CANCER-stricken MICHAEL JACKSON is shunning food and now weighs less than nine stone (126 lbs.)" [The Sun]
• Leonardo DiCaprio got carded at some bar in NYC. Guess they didn't hear he's king of the world? [Page Six]
• Taylor Lautner, who gets all werewolfy in Twilight sequel New Moon, says the flick is heartbreaking: "There is heart break and, oh it's horrible. New Moon will rip your heart to shreds. So get ready!" [Mirror]
• Is Audrina Patridge dating Star Trek's Chris Pine? And does that mean their relationship will be on her new reality show? "There's always romance, she says. "We haven't started filming it yet, but it will be mostly my life. I'm really opening up in everything that I have going on in my life right now-everything." [E!]
• LOL: NBC wants to replace Heidi and Spencer on I'm A Celebrity with someone else from The Hills, but Audrina's manager said: "Not in a million years. Audrina is moving in a completely different direction than those two ... she's a star." Again: LOL! [TMZ]
• Slumdog Millionaire director Danny Boyle may return to work in Mumbai; he has purchased the rights to another book set in the poorest section of the city. [Times of London]
• Paul McCartney will play the first concerts at Citi Field, "inaugurating" the Shea Stadium replacement. He says: "As years go by, I think, 'This is when I thought I'd retire,' but I'm having too much fun. When you say to me 'Citi Field,' I go oooh inside. I'm hungry for that. If you like cheesecake, it doesn't matter how many you've had. You're still going to have the next one with relish." [USA Today, USA Today]
• Eminem had thousands of dollars worth of items stolen from his L.A. hotel room on Sunday night, including a $60K diamond necklace and his personal laptop. Hmm, it's not like he has any enemies… [Gatecrasher]
• If you'd like to relive some of Eminem's most controversial moments, by all means, check out this slide show. [CNN]
• Maya Rudolph, who plays a thirtysomething, six-months-pregnant woman in Away We Go — and is now expecting her second child — says the movie deals with the way people treat expectant women: "It's about people's feeling of wanting to be connected. It just doesn't come out the way it's supposed to: 'Oh, God, you're huge.' I think the last person who wants to hear they're huge is a pregnant lady." [USA Today]
• Susan Boyle could need weeks of psychiatric care. [Daily Mail]
• "Susan Boyle is to Britain's Got Talent what the kids of Slumdog Millionaire are to director Danny Boyle. In both cases, a machine bigger than any one person got these unknowns into the mess that comes with worldwide fame. Wouldn't it seem wrong for Cowell (or Danny Boyle) to stand by as the dreams of the performers they discovered were beaten to a pulp and left on the side of the road to die?" [MSNBC Scoop]
• R. Kelly has a new track called "Tip The Waiter, which you can hear at the link. It's not about leaving cash for the server — it's about sex. Obviously. [NY Mag]
• Jude Law is playing Hamlet on the stage in London, and one of his costars — the skull he holds when he gives the "Alas, poor Yorick" speech — comes from Salt Lake City, Utah and dates back to 1800. [Telegraph]
• American Beauty's Wes Bentley is divorcing Jennifer Quanz, his wife of seven years. [TMZ]
  
• Sanaa Lathan, James Earl Jones and Phylicia Rashad will star in an all-black production of Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, to be staged on London's West End. [Variety]
• Jack Nicholson is in talks to join the cast of an untitled romcom with Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon and Owen Wilson; Bill Murray had also been considered for the part. [Variety]
• DMX: Almost always in jail! Eight days after he was released, he pled guilty to another crime, so he may be headed back. [TMZ]
• "Trista Sutter Blogs About The Bachelorette: Foot Fetishes, Unicorns & the Closet?" [E!]
• Recently married former Bachelorette Jen Schefft to single ladies: "For all those people who are discouraged, you can meet the right person. Just don't settle." [People]
• Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos are producing a TLC series, Masters Of Reception, which focuses on a New Jersey family-owned catering business trying to top themselves each week. [Variety]
• Kelly Ripa's dad is being sworn in as Camden County clerk in New Jersey today. [AP]
• Phil Spector's wife, Rachelle, insists that he in innocent, and plans to stay with him even though he's in jail for shooting another woman. [UPI]
• "Peter Falk's dementia means he no longer remembers Columbo." [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which macho A-list actor was annoyed to find pressat a recent gala because he hadn't "put on [his] makeup yet'?" [Gatecrasher]
• "In a strange way, I don't have a job, so I have a lot of time on my hands. When I do work, it might be very concentrated, and it might be months where you're not really doing anything except maybe playing the banjo or writing something. You know, there's a lot of time in the day if you're not working 9 to 5. […] I use the Internet a lot to find music. I always download it legally — especially my own songs." — Steve Martin. [CNN]
• My most memorable scene? I have to say I'm still proudest of the stuff I did on "Fight Club," mainly the opening title sequence. It's a 95-second pullback through the brain. It starts inside a synapse inside the amygdala, the fear center of the brain. It goes through various structures, a forest of neurons and dendrites, passing through various outer layers, the surface of the brain, layers of skull, then skin and a hair follicle and out to the barrel of a gun, essentially following Ed Norton's character's thoughts." — Visual Effects Supervisor Kevin Mack. [LA Times]
• "Emma and I are creatively married. It's an extraordinary feeling when we work together. I don't think we – or, I'll speak for myself, I – have ever done anything closer to myself than the work I do with her. Marriage should be this easy! Right?" — Dustin Hoffman on Emma Thompson. [Telegraph]
• "This is a huge honour. I am both thrilled and slightly mystified, but very grateful." — Michael Sheen, who played Tony Blair in The Queen and just was made an officer of the Order of the British Empire (OBE). [Daily Express]
• "When Obama's story is ready to be told I'll be too old to do it. And if it were made now, he has too much to do to have me asking for tips on how to play him." — Denzel Washington seems a little sad, no? [Daily Express]
• "I'm trying not to think of it as big or meaningful in any way. I find the whole celebration of approaching death a peculiar thing… I remember, I made a pact with some friends when we were 18 that we'd kill ourselves before we got to 40. It just seemed such a ludicrously distant prospect. I think I'd say that you'll never think you know more or feel more acutely or have any clearer an insight into existence than you do right now. From now on it's a gradually descending mist of confusion and doubt. I've never known less than I know now. You hope that your teenage self would like and forgive your 50-year-old self. It would be awful to think that they'd be ashamed and appalled – that you were a betrayal of everything they thought they'd become." — Hugh Laurie, who is on the verge of turning 50. [Telegraph]
• "Feminists don't have a sense of humor/They have a tumor on their funnybone." — from a song by Nellie McKay. [Page Six]
• "I don't think about that. That's beyond what I can control, and who the hell knows? I'm getting ready for another movie now." — Christian Bale doesn't want to talk about Terminator sequels. [Mirror]
• "The vampire is the ultimate bad boy. The vampire is the ultimate anti-everything. I haven't read Stephenie Meyer's books; the last encounter I had with the romantic vampire was with Anne Rice, and it was essentially 'beautiful people of the night.' But the line between attraction and horror is very, very thin. When you see footage of a polar bear walking in the snow, your heart melts. And then seconds later when you see the same polar bear mauling a baby seal, you can be horrified. And I don't see why these aspects of life cannot be reconciled." — Director Guillermo Del Toro, who has written a vamp book called The Strain. [Time]
• "I don't think I look particularly fantastic. I know you're not supposed to drink caffeine and I know you're not supposed to drink wine but I do both. I could be much thinner if I really worked at it. But there was a time when I was exercising a lot and then I realised that the person I was spending the most time with was my trainer. I thought: 'I don't have time to see my friends!"" — Julianne Moore. [Daily Express via Vogue]

• Madonna and Jesus Luz are reportedly planning a "commitment ceremony" in front of a rabbi at the Kabbalah Center in New York. Oooh, and a source says:

"Lourdes mocks him by calling him The Babysitter, because he is so young. She likes him, but also likes winding him up." Hee hee, "get off the babysitter!" [Mirror]

• Robin Wright Penn talked to Gotham magazine for the June issue — obviously before Sean filed for divorce — and said: marriage is "real work, but that's what you sign up for. And it pays off beautifully, it really does. The outcome, the reward is so great because then your love grows out of those hard times." Now Sean Penn is allegedly seeing Natalie Portman. So. [Page Six]
• Oprah! At Duke! Doing a commencement speech! And getting an honorary degree! She told students to "stand proudly in your own shoes while you help others stand in theirs." And! "One of the best ways to enhance your own life is to enhance somebody else's." [Breitbart]
• Oprah sent a film crew over to Blackburn, Scotland, to Susan Boyle's house. In the interview, which will be broadcast today, Boyle says: "I am not lonely. Everyone has been so nice. I've got millions of new friends now." [Telegraph]
• Paris Hilton spent a romantic week in Anguilla with boyfriend Doug Reinhardt, and updated her Twitter page constantly, with messages like "Love being in Love :) Best feeling in the world" and "Playing some golf together :) Golfing is fun" and "Loving life with my love" and "Lovers in paradise" and "My smooches from a secret island." Lots of pix of her kissing the dude, too. [Daily Mail]
• Christian Bale's part in Terminator Salvation was originally much smaller; the film's main character is not actually John Conner, played by Bale, but Marcus Wright, played by Sam Worthington. Director McG said the script had to be adjusted to "integrate" Bale more. [Hollywood Reporter]
• When Jennifer Lopez's daughter Emme was about three weeks old, she discovered a lump on the child's head. "We both got very nervous, very very nervous, and I just remember my heart sinking to my feet," Lopez says. "I looked at [Marc] and I said, 'You know if anything happens, I'm not going to be okay, you know that right?'" Emme was fine but Lopez was inspired to work with Childrens Hospital Los Angeles to help medical services to the less fortunate. "I started to wonder," Lopez said, "what if I couldn't afford a doctor, or receive the medicines, the procedures?" [Yahoo News via E!]
• Who were the stars at the White House Correspondents Dinner? Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Eva Longoria Parker, Owen Wilson, Donatella Versace, Stevie Wonder, Alicia Keys, Kerry Washington, Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick, Kenneth Cole, Jason Wu and "a smattering of mayors, diplomats and ambassadors." Donatella went in 2008 and says ths year "was much better." Then she told everyone to "get ooooout." [WWD]
• More from the WHCD! Rahm Emanuel seated next to Barbara Walters! Jon Hamm was there! Donatella Versace was hanging out with Jonathan Rhys Meyers! Political pundit Craig Crawford asked Jason Bateman a question! Ludacris had a "long talk" with Bill O'Reilly! [Politico]
• According to this report, at the WHCD, "No matter who's in the room, the Obamas outshine all challengers." [MSNBC]
• Noted political junkie Ben Affleck missed the WHCD! He was sick. [mediabistro.com]
• New York Mag: How did you deal with everyone in the room eating steak?
  Kate Hudson: Oh, I ate it.
  Stella McCartney: If you just give up meat one day a week, it has, like, the biggest impact environmentally.
  Kate: Well, I'm interested in change.
  Stella: You can do that! Unless you're like some kind of caveman carnivore...Or are you a cavewoman?
  Kate: Uh, me? I don't eat meat every day! Are you out of your mind? I'd have a heart attack!
  Stella: Jolly. So she's fine. She's good. [NY Mag]
• Re: Rihanna nude pix: This paper points out that she has many tattoos, none of which are see in the images purported to be her. [NY Daily News]
• Chris Brown says he didn't leak the Rihanna pix. [The Sun]
• All that cardio pays off between the sheets! A stripper says Michael Phelps "should get another Olympic gold for marathon love-making!" because "the sex lasted for about three hours." [NY Post]
• Miss California Carrie Prejean's lawyer sent a cease and desist letter to the website hosting her underwear pix saying she was underage and that one shot is a Photoshop manipulation; the site has responded: "Your client's publicity rights are substantially inferior to the right of the public to consider, discuss, agree and/or disagree with Ms. Prejean's actions and views. This is not conduct for which your client's consent is required." Oh snap. [TMZ]
• By the by, Carrie Prejean has recorded a phone message for National Organization for Marriage, asking people to donate money and sign a petition against gay marriage. [TMZ]
• And! Those "topless" pix? Taken well-after Carrie Prejean turned 18, not when she was 17, as she claims. [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse had a crappy performance at the St. Lucia Jazz Festival, but the tourism minister says: "It's a shame it did not go better but we will bring her back in the future. We fully support her and hope she can get well. We have a lot of admiration for her." [The Sun]
• Swine flu be damned! Hugh Jackman will head to Mexico to promote Wolverine. [Mirror]
• Quentin Tarantino talks Inglourious Basterds, 70% of which is in French or German. "When you see the Germans speaking English with a German accent or sounding like British thespians, it just seems very quaint," he says. "That's one thing I don't want this film to have." Execs at the studio are not worried about the heavy use of subtitles: "Tarantino is a universal language," said one. [NY Times]
• Rachel McAdams has an environmental website, green is sexy, and says: "It's funny because when people come to my house they think everything is broken because I don't have anything plugged in. Guests are always saying things like: 'You need a new light bulb here' and I go around to the lamp and say: 'You've got to just plug it in!"' [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "WARNING: This may hurt your eyes... Beth Ditto strips down to her Spanx." Eh, fuck you, Daily Fail. [Daily Mail]
• Kim Kardashian is getting married! Eventually. "So many people rush into it and it's all this pressure because they see we've been together for a while," she says of beau Reggie Bush, whom she has been dating since 2007. "But, we're heading there. When we're ready, we'll know." [People]
• Boy George has been released from jail — early — and lost a few pounds during the four months he was in the slammer. [Daily Mail]
• This report says Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell are secretly engaged but don't want to make a formal announcement lest Heather Mills make some kind of scene; McCartney's rep is quoted about the rumor, saying, "There is no truth in it whatsoever. They have not become engaged in any shape or form. It is utter nonsense." [Daily Express]
• Jerry Hall was writing an autobiography — being called an "explosive, tell-all account" of her life with Mick Jagger — but the book has been abandoned. Apparently the publishers were "disappointed" with the lack of Jagger dirt. In JERRY'S autobiography. There was, however, a lot of gossip about Carla Bruni… [Daily Mail]
• Bjork sang with the Dirty Projectors at "her smallest gig of the year" Friday night in a bookstore in NYC, in front of 300 people. [NY Times]
• "Serial dater Geri Halliwell's relationship gets serious as she meets aristocrat lover's parents." [Daily Mail]
• Nineteen year old JoJo Simmons, son of Rev Run Simmons of Run-DMC, was caught rolling a joint in his BMW and has been arrested and charged with a bunch of stuff. [UPI]
• Awww, on Mother's Day, Florence Henderson, aka Carol Brady, says, "I get mail from all over the world, 122 countries." [UPI]
• Shirley Jones, 75, who was the mom on The Partridge Family, may pose nude for Playboy. Her husband/manager says, "Mature women are relevant." [Page Six]
• Is Kylie Minogue gonna get hitched to her hot hot Spanish boyfriend? [Daily Mail]
• Nia Vardalos talks about becoming a mom of a toddler — overnight. She adopted a 3-year-old from a foster family agency and says her daughter "arrived without an instruction manual. I didn't know if she had a sleep schedule, food allergies – there wasn't even a note pinned to her shirt. She just walked in and looked up at me, like "got lunch?" [People]
• Barbra Streisand's personal assistant: Busted on drug charges in Malibu on Wednesday. Cops found cocaine, methamphetamines and a weapon in her car. Sometimes people who help people who need people need a bump. [LA Times]
• Label exec Irv Gotti says he is dropping Ashanti from The Inc. They haven't been on speaking terms for some time; in 2007 Gotti told Wendy Williams he and Ashanti had sex even though he was a married man. [MTV]
• Jane's Addiction frontman Perry Farrell tore his calf muscle during the first song in a concert in Atlanta. He finished the show and then took an ambulance to the hospital; doctors are telling him to stay off the leg for a few days. [AP]
• If you have £500,000, you can buy David Beckham's "modest" childhood home in east London. [BBC News]
• Blind item! "Which married TV actor used the Correspondents Dinner as an excuse to meet up with his occasional mistress?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I wasn't familiar with rugby league beforehand and I don't profess to be an expert now. But everything I do know about rugby league, I know from Russell Crowe." — Rachel McAdams, who became friends with the Aussie while shooting State Of Play and even watched a game with him via satellite at three in the morning. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I wanted audiences to think, ‘This guy could easily rip someone's head off', so I worked hard to achieve that physique. I ran and had to lift very heavy weights. Every morning I'd get up and there was a part of me that just wanted to collapse, but you just have to keep going, it's full-on testosterone. When I'm training, I'm fairly obnoxious, I really make a big thing of it and there is a lot of noise. I play driving music like Metallica that I would never otherwise listen to. I consulted a bodybuilder and what I realized is that how you look is 30% how you train and 70% how you eat. No carbs after lunch. Six to eight chicken breasts a day, two at each sitting, 4,000 calories in total. I really enjoyed eating pizza at the end of the movie, trust me, and I had half a dozen beers on the final day of shooting." — Hugh Jackman, on achieving the look of Wolverine. [Mirror]
• "I knew I had to build a body, and I ate a lot of wheat and chain-smoked. That will do it! The woman had to feel like she really had been drinking for 25 years. Now, I have not been drinking for 25 years. I'm a relatively healthy individual, so the first thing I had to do was make myself look like I was super-wrecked, which took a bit of time." — Tilda Switon, on playing a "ferociously dedicated alcoholic" in Julia. [USA Today]
• "I see Amelia as that fast-talking, Katharine Hepburn type of woman. She's powerful and authoritative with some chutzpah. I am much more cautious, I don't take as many physical risks as her. I see her as a woman who's ahead of her time but also having fun, embracing that sense of adventure; it's about believing in yourself and your passions and making the most of the time that you have in life." — Amy Adams, on playing Amelia Earhart in Night A The Museum 2. [Daily Mail]
• "Jack is gun crazy. Over here you can buy real guns. I have this horrible thing: I can see this movie in my head where he's messing around and shoots himself in the foot. Sharon goes to me, ‘Oh darling, he's been surrounded by guns all his life.' But there is a difference between an air rifle and a 45-calibre pistol. I said to Jack, ‘If someone got into your house would you be willing to use the gun?' He said, ‘Sure.'" — Ozzy Osbourne. [Daily Express]
• "We visited Panzi Hospital where IMC is training doctors and which has become world-renowned because of its incredible work with thousands of women who are in need of surgical repair for a condition called 'fistula,' a severe gynecologic rupture. It's a frighteningly common condition in eastern DRC because of lack of obstetric care, and the epidemic of rape. Panzi Hospital's Founder and Director is Dr. Denis Mukwege, often referred to as "the savior of women " and was named by a prestigious Nigerian newspaper as African of the Year in 2008. He shared some of his experiences with us and as you can imagine, they are horrific. The youngest rape victim he has had to treat was a three year old girl." — Sienna Miller, who is in the Congo, working with International Medical Corps. [Huffington Post]

[Image by Steven Klein via W Magazine]

[Washington, D.C., February 25. Image via Getty]

• At an Oscar party, Madonna congratulated ex-husband Sean Penn on his win. Penn reportedly gestured at Jesus Luz and said: "Thanks. Another kid already?" [The Sun]

• Sean Penn skipped the Milk party, by the way. Why wouldn't you go to the bash for your own damn flick? [Page Six]
• Was Ben Stiller's Joaquin impersonation the only amusing part of the Oscars? [NY Post]
• Kate Winslet was psyched at the Vanity Fair party: she "cradled" her statue and shouted "Wooo!" at all who congratulated her. [Gatecrasher]
• Since receiving it, Kate Winslet has not put her Oscar down. [Daily Mail]
• Jennifer Aniston wouldn't let John Mayer pose for a picture with "backstage beauties" at the Oscars. Or, you know, people want you to think she is keeping a tight grip on this one. [E!]
• Sienna Miller was at Montblanc's/UNICEF dinner in Hollywood and came out of the men's room followed by a "short, straggly haired gent whom she didn't speak to again that night." [Gatecrasher]
• Are Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson back on? She was seen with him right before the Oscars. [Page Six]
• Prince's Oscar party: A "disaster." [Page Six]
• Will Billy Crystal host the Oscars next? Fox's Roger Friedman thinks so, since Crystal isn't working on anything else. [Fox 411]
• Madonna who? Gwyneth Paltrow is becoming BFFs with Jay-Z and Beyoncé: Her kids call him "Uncle Jay." [Page Six]
• Eminem is suing Universal Music Group — the world's largest music company — over how much he is entitled to when his tunes are sold to third-party distributors. [The Wrap]
• There was a hearing in the Britney Spears restraining order case yesterday; Dad Jamie Spears claimed that Britney has been talking to Sam Lutfi and Adnan Ghalib on a pre-paid cell phone. Danger, danger! [TMZ]
• Victoria Beckham's carbon footprint? Huge. [Guardian]
• Three words: Kathy Griffin memoir. [NY Observer]
• Parker Posey is a big tipper. [Page Six]
• Lily Allen wants to star in Miss Marple. She also wants to sing for and appear in a Bond film. She's a lady with dreams! [The Star]
• Stevie Wonder is in Washington to receive the Gershwin Prize for Popular Song from the Library of Congress; the ceremony will happen later this week at the White House and Barack Obama will present the award. Signed sealed delivered, it's his! [USA Today]
• Pix of the Slumdog cuties at Disneyland! [Extra]
• Here's a story about how the Slumdog kids are hometown heroes. "The whole country is happy about this. They are very happy that a boy from the slums is also now a star. I'm also very happy," said Mohammed Ismail, the father of a 10-year-old who appeared in the flick. [NY Post]
• A Tennessee teen who got raided last Fall for hacking Miley Cyrus's Gmail account also hacked other celebrity accounts and MySpaces for a spam scheme that earned him $110,000. [Wired]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt is so obsessed with Audrey Hepburn that she dressed up as the actress for her 30th birthday. Nice tiara. [E!, IDLYITW]
• Some dude in Seattle collects celebrity-autographed yarmulkes, and 32 of them will be displayed at the University Of Washington. [UPI]
• Charles Barkley was sentenced to 10 days in jail yesterday, stemming from a December DUI in which he told cops he was speeding because he was on his way to get a blow job. (Note: That excuse does not work.) [E!]
• Kate Beckinsale has some instant noodles named after her: Steak and BeckinsALE. What an honor? [The Sun]
• The author of gay comic book Hair-Raising Adventures of Jayms Blonde says Adam Sandler ripped off his idea and turned it into You Don't Mess With The Zohan. No one should be claiming credit for Zohan, though. [NY Daily News]
• Is U2 getting £1million in free advertising from the BBC? [Daily Mail]
• Regis Philbin's son Danny tried to kill himself with a pill overdose after splitting with his wife. [Perez Hilton]
• New couple: Elle Macpherson and Brit designer Oswald Boateng. [Gatecrasher]
• A martial arts instructor is suing Tito Jackson over unpaid debt. Is that family a magnet for trouble? [Mirror]
• Blind item! " Which billionaire's son is a scary misogynist? When women balk at his less-than-gentlemanly pickup lines, he calls them bitches and shouts a threat or two." [Gatecrasher]
• More blind items! "Which actor snorted cocaine in the bathroom during an Oscar after-party, while a slimmed-down stoner actor smoked pot outside with his pals? Which morning cable TV show hostess took off a week recently to get her eyes done and her breasts enlarged? Which aviation honcho is trying to knock down rumors he shacked up with a young hottie who works for him while his pregnant wife was back home and clueless?" [Page Six]
• "It's not up to me, but I'm sure we would (have him on SNL) if he had another hit single. We don't care about scandal. We just care about what brings us ratings!" — Kenan Thompson on Chris Brown. [MSNBC]
• "Possession of pouty lips and carefully contrived tousled hairdos doesn't exempt them from associating with the reporters and fans who made them famous." — from a rant against Angelina and Brad snubbing interviewers on the red carpet. [NY Post]
• "It doesn't cost $500 to cut my hair. Have you seen my hair? I don't even have that many strands. If for some reason i decided that I was going to throw $500 away on a hair cut I would pay for it myself, however - I have a great exchange going with my hair dresser - I make him cds - he cuts my hair. Yay! cheap and cheerful!" —Samantha Ronson, shutting down a report that Lindsay Lohan pays for Sam's $500 hair cuts. [MSNBC]

Barack Obama's poll numbers are still sky-high, despite his potential nominees' tax issues, Commerce withdrawals and Republican carping about the stimulus plan, which, by the way, passed on Friday night. In the end, the Senate got a little tougher on executive pay packages than even Obama wanted, limiting bonuses to one-third of their capped salaries and requiring that the bonuses be given in stock that can't be sold until the government's investment has been repaid. Obama's planning on signing the thing tomorrow, so lots of people are readying their shovels even on a holiday when most people get the day off, even as David Axelrod is saying that the administration going to look for ways around the caps the Senate stuck in, despite the fact that most people think they sound pretty reasonable. Might as well test the firmness of those poll numbers, eh, David?

Axelrod was also dispatched to defend Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, whose unveiling of the new bank bailout plan caused stock markets worldwide to tumble, traders to hurl themselves from their multi-million dollar penthouse apartments and bankers to speculate about Geithner's parentage. Axelrod said: "They would have preferred that Secretary Geithner wheel a wheelbarrow down the center of that room with cash in it and say, ‘We're going to take care of all your problems.' That wasn't a practical answer." The worldwide financial community agreed that it had visions of restriction-less cash, but had pictured Geithner at the wheel of a cash-filled Hummer, not pushing a wheelbarrow like one of their lesser household staff. So they're basically going to lobby the fuck out of the Administration, raise the interest rates on your credit cards, and hope to dear God that whatever they do, no one lets Lindsey Graham nationalize them.

And while Obama was back in Chicago for Valentine's Day and looking forward to chilling with Stevie Wonder this week, his replacement, Roland Burris, was quite busy noisily digging himself a new hole to climb out of. Despite his earlier testimony, Governor Rod Blagojevich's people totally did hit him up for cash in exchange for the appointment but he totally didn't give them any, so it's supposed to be cool but it's not. Mostly because his defense is that his first answers were answers to questions he thought he was being asked, so if the questions had been what he thought they were, his answers were, like, totally honest.

In the meantime, Hugo Chavez has set the stage handily for his own re-election in Venezuela, we're not getting a freaking Car Czar because y'all wouldn't stop calling the position a Czar despite repeated entreaties, Axelrod thinks Dick Cheney can go fuck himself, and Hillary Clinton's off to do a series of official state visits in Asia and will be pressing China on human rights more than the valuation of their currency. That's some change we can believe in.

Apparently she has been notifying friends that she is with child. And her boyfriend, Jamie Hince, was overheard telling her to "calm down, especially in your state." [News Of The World]

• This report claims that at a recent shoot for Roberto Cavalli, Kate Moss showed up late and then "proceeded to finish off beer after beer after beer while she was getting her make-up done." Maybe not pregnant? [Page Six]
• Not pregnant: Angelina Jolie. [Gatecrasher]
• In case you missed it, Chris Brown issued a statement yesterday which read: "Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired… I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones. I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person." And! "Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say." [NY Daily News]
• Salma Hayek married her baby daddy, French businessman Francois-Henri Pinault. On Valentine's Day. There were reports that they'd called off their engagement, but the nuptials were announced in a paper his company owns. (He is worth about $16.9 billion.) Congrats! [People]
• Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson had a fight on the streets of New York on Valentine's Day! Lindsay called Sam by her full name ("Samantha Judith Ronson, why are you doing this to me?") and Sam mumbled something which made LL say, ""What are you talking about? I've been with you all night!" This "first hand account" of the spat comes to you from journalist Justin Rocket Silverman and a paparazzo. [NY Post]
• In this video, Project Runway's Christian Siriano says that Rihanna "must have done something" to provoke Chris Brown to hit her. Then he recants, "No, you should never hit a woman." But! He does say that Rihanna is "kind of a diva." [TMZ]
• It's a boy for M.I.A. and fiancé Ben Bronfman; she announced that her baby is "healthy, fine and beautiful" on her MySpace page. [AP]
• Speaking of babies: The company that did public relations for Nadya Suleman, the mother of octuplets, has quit. Death threats are to blame. [MSNBC via AP]
• Hugh Jackman will be hosting the Oscars, and he hopes that fellow Australian Heath Ledger wins Best Supporting Actor. "I can't hide the fact that I would really love for that honour to be bestowed upon him. It would be fitting and I think he deserves it." [Mirror]
• Is the "truce" between Madonna and Guy Ritchie over? This report claims that Ritchie isn't happy about the custody arrangement and wants the boys in British schools instead of New York establishments. [Daily Mail]
• Hmm, this says that Madonna and Guy are looking to make their current custody arrangement legally binding. [The Star]
• Meanwhile: Madonna took new man Jesus to a Kabbalah meeting on Valentine's Day. Her son David and daughter Lourdes also attended; Madonna and Jesus left separately, possibly to avoid being photographed together. [Daily Mail]
• And! Will Madonna play Wallis Simpson, the American Woman who caused Edward VIII to turn down the throne? [Guardian]
• Jennifer Lopez interrupted her husband's concert by walking on stage with with twins, Max and Emme. Max was wearing a tuxedo and Emme was wearing a pink gown; they turn one this Sunday. [Daily Mail, Just Jared]
• Miley Cyrus's label spent £150,000 flying her to the UK to sing on a Saturday night variety show, only to have Miley forget the words to her own damn song. [The Sun]
• Love's in need of love today: The White House is planning a concert to honor Stevie Wonder, and Barack and Michelle Obama will present the singer with a Library of Congress award on Wednesday. [The Star]
• Amy Winehouse was in the hospital in St. Lucia, but has been released. Too much fun in the sun? [TMZ]
• Has newly engaged Mandy Moore gone totally domestic? She's the new spokesperson for Gain detergent. The campaign is called "Love At First Sniff." Not a joke. [AdAge]
• Beyoncé and Muhammad Ali embraced for pictures at the NBA All-Star game over the weekend. [Daily Mail]
• Fashion week gossip: Diana Ross was in the house at the Diane von Furstenberg show. [WWD]
• Kanye West attended a few Fashion Week shows over the weekend and was moody. [Gatecrasher]
• Benicio Del Toro will walk in the G-Star fashion show on Thursday. Chances are, he will scowl. [Page Six]
• Jessica Simpson threw a party at brother in law Pete Wentz's bar last week, and Tony Romo bought the room a round of shots. [Gatecrasher]
• Conan O'Brien is packing up his office in preparations to replace Jay Leno as the Tonight Show host; he says: "Men don't like to say goodbye. My wife told me about six months ago: 'I think you have to admit that you have mixed feelings about leaving this late-night show, it's very emotionally charged for you. That's OK.'" [AP]
• Lily Allen's apartment is super organized: In her walk-in wardrobe, every pair of shoes is boxed and has a Polaroid of the contents stuck on the outside; in her kitchen cupboards and in the spice rack, all the labels face the front. "This is what I'm really all about," she says. "It's control. I have to be in control. Even when I'm out of control I'm still sort of in control. I know the point I'm going off the rails. But it's my decision to go off them." [Daily Mail]
• Here are pictures of Peaches Geldof, 19, showing off her "bizarre" tattoos as she sunbathes topless while on vacay in South America. Note: They aren't that bizarre. [Daily Mail]
• Freida Pinto called off her engagement to her boyfriend of four years after Slumdog Millionaire started taking off; she is now single and ready to mingle… at the Oscars. [Mirror]
• Katy Perry and Benji Madden: It's on! They were each other's dates on Valentine's day in Las Vegas. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which celeb chef's wife mans his reservation stand while he secretly slips out the back door with his girlfriend?" [Gatecrasher]
• Doug Reinhardt and Paris Hilton spent V-Day together; he gave her an Andy Warhol print of Marilyn Monroe. What do you think she gave him? [Yahoo News via E!]
• Salman Rushdie's new girlfriend is a "32-year-old actress of Amazonian proportions." Read: Tall. She says: "I think he is a genius, genius novelist and he thinks I am smart and that's the biggest thing, the aphrodisiac. With other men, I have had to hide that side of myself because I felt if I came off too smart, I'd be ostracised. This is a good old-fashioned romance but the attraction started as a meeting of minds." [Daily Mail]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt hints about the new season of the Ghost Whisperer: "There's lots going on. I think the audience will be very, very happy. There's an unexpected reunion and there's maybe the pitter-patter of tiny feet." [E!]
• A man suspected of stalking Celine Dion was arrested outside the gates of her home on Friday. [CTV]
• Johnny Knoxville's new show, Nitro Circus, is responsible for a bunch of injuries: "We've shot 12 episodes and there's been about that many surgeries... There was three of the guys who went to the hospital in one day," says Johnny. One 60-year-old "jumped off the back of a boat, going 60 (miles per hour) and it went bad... It broke his pelvis and cut his urethra." [Daily Express]
• Farrah Fawcett is suing companies who have used the iconic photo of her in a red swimsuit without permission. [Daily Mail]
• Is Steven Cojocaru about to get kicked off of Entertainment Tonight? [Page Six]
• American Idol's Ruben Studdard says he overcame stage fright at the age of 12, if you care. [The Star]
• Michael Jackson's brother Marlon is involved in a plan to develop a billion-dollar slavery memorial and luxury resort in Nigeria. Yes. Slavery tourism. [BBC News]
• Kenneth Branagh was not nominated for an Olivier award, but was named best actor in the only stage awards decided entirely by the public. [Guardian]
• "Three of my very best girlfriends flew into town and wanted to meet Brad Pitt. So I was like, 'Brad, come over. My girlfriends are going crazy over you.' He comes over, and he's so cool. He has a way of being very warm and making people feel welcome." — Taraji P. Henson of Benjamin Button. [USA Today]
• "On the first day I was really nervous, because I felt like I was walking on someone's set, and it was no longer my set. But I found Donna inside [me]. Donna's still there! Seeing Jennie [Garth] again and all of a sudden we were two giggly school girls." — Tori Spelling, on returning to 90210. [People]
• "Wow, [in] 10 yrs I'll be 24, almost 25... I hope to still be acting, I really do. I hope to have gone to college and be enjoying my life… I kind of follow my own path and don't really look at others... I have my close family, my close friends and the people that I've worked with that are always there for me, and you have to just kind of stick to yourself." — Dakota Fanning, when asked to predict her future. [The Star]
• "I remember the instant I fell in love with her. One night on board a small boat I owned, she looked at me with love, her dark brown eyes lit by a table lantern. That moment changed my life. […] I never saw Natalie dead - not at the morgue, nor at the funeral home. I wanted to remember her alive. After the funeral I went to bed and stayed there for seven, maybe eight, days. […] Did I blame myself? If I'd been there, I could have done something. I wasn't, but ultimately, a man is responsible for his loved one. Yes, I blamed myself." — Robert Wagner, on the death of Natalie Wood. [Daily Mail]
• "Parents should say, 'Drugs might seem fun, but they do funny things to your brain. Some people react to it good, some don't. Try it and see what you think.' The only story is that drugs are bad and they will kill you — you will become a prostitute, a rapist or a dealer. But that's not true. I know lots of people that take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work everyday, no problem at all. But we never hear that side of the story. I have no statement to make, I just wish people wouldn't sensationalise this thing that just exists." — Lily Allen. [Daily Mail]
• "I think Simon [Cowell] has actually got a wee bit nicer over the past couple of years. He's always been pretty nice to me and I think it's really good that somebody will give you a dose of reality even if it might be said in a harsh manner… As soon as I took a step back and realized that everything he said was constructive, as mean as it might be, we got along fine. So if anybody asks me who my favourite judge is, I'm always going to say Simon." — Carrie Underwood. [The Star]
• "She might not be a feminist, but Lily Allen is that rare thing: a star who offers the usually unspoken female perspective on relationships, in songs with which women can identify intuitively." — From a review of Lily Allen's new CD. [Independent]
• "I've only ever played one truly evil character, Cruella De Vil in 101 Dalmatians, and she really was the devil. But that was high comedy. The meaner she got, the more the audience laughed. But to play someone who is always considered mean and manipulative? It's boring. And I don't do it. What's more interesting is playing characters with light and shade. The problem is that some people don't want to see female characters with light and shade. They want us black and white, easily put into boxes. Good. Evil. All that stuff… I read a survey which said that both men and women find very aggressive women who are sure of themselves the most difficult to relate to. Certainly, when a woman is in power, the more feminine and conciliatory she can be, the more people will open up to her. So a woman who is acting like a man gets negative reactions from both sexes." — Glenn Close. [Daily Mail]
• "I did this photo shoot with a big name fashion photographer and he said, 'Just so you know, if you don't like anything about yourself I can fix it afterwards — like that, for example' — pointing to my face. I was like, 'My chin? ' 'Yes, that cleft on your chin, ' he said, to which I replied, 'I wouldn't mind keeping it, as it's part of my face, you know.'" — Emily Blunt. [Daily Express]

[Washington, D.C., January 18. Image via Getty]

• Aretha Franklin is getting ready to sing for Barack Obama at the inauguration. She met him in 2005 at the funeral of Rosa Parks and says: "I think they expect between three and five million people at the swearing-in. Although I have sung for many, many people - hundreds of thousands - I have never sung for that kind of number, but I am absolutely looking forward to it." [Times of London]
• Kerry Washington, who was the national co-chair for the Vote for Change initiative, is in D.C. for the inauguration and has already attended an Essence magazine lunch and hit some cocktail parties. [USA Today]
• Yesterday's "We Are One" concert at the Lincoln Memorial featured Beyoncé, Stevie Wonder, Bruce Springsteen, Jon Bon Jovi and U2. Watching in the VIP section: Blair Underwood and family; Jay-Z, Angela Bassett. [MSNBC Scoop, Washinton Post]
• In D.C.: J.Lo, Marc Anthony, Shakira, Rosie Perez, Wilmer Valderrama, George Lopez, Geraldo Rivera, Rosario Dawson and others at the Latino Inaugural Ball. Lopez and Anthony were seen kissing. [Politico]
• At the Declare Yourself event: Jessica Alba, Ben Affleck, Jamie Foxx, Hayden Panettiere, Rick Schroeder, Sarah Silverman, John Legend and Lindsay Lohan. [Politico]
• Oprah's best friend Gayle King is in D.C. too, she went to the BET Honors VIP reception. She's got her own XM radio show. [WaPo]
• By the by, J. Lo and Marc are showing "no visible signs of marital distress" despite the tabloid headlines. [MSNBC]
• Picture this: 50 Cent was performing at a Vitamin Water party at the Sundance Film Festival and it was Jim Carrey's birthday, so Fiddy invitved Carrey onto the stage where he busted out some dance moves. [Gatecrasher]
• Mariah Carey got wasted at a Sundance event her husband was DJing. [Gatecrasher]
• Kate Winslet says of The Reader and Revolutionary Road: "I've been very lucky this year. It's extraordinary playing two such wonderful women." Understatement! [Telegraph]
• Leonardo DiCaprio says of filming with Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes: "It felt like a kind of a family — a sort of weird twisted family." [Mirror]
• Ashton Kutcher's blog on The Huffington Post is about a Presidential Pledge. He writes: "We have gathered a group of individuals who share the courage to pledge to our president, and the world at large, what it is that they are willing to do, give, or sacrifice, in an effort to help their fellow man. Our hope is that this effort will inspire others to do the same, with individuals posting their initiatives within their communities. This is not a selfless utopian action. In fact it is a very selfish one. By improving the lives of those who surround us we will in effect improve our own." [HuffPo]
• If you haven't already seen the sad spectacle that is Joaquin Phoenix rapping, click for video. [E!]
• Also a sad spectacle: Joaquin's beard. [People]
• Jeremy Piven's publicist is upset that the producers of Speed-The-Plow have filed a grievance against Piven and says it's outrageous. "He withdrew from the play due to medical necessity on the advice of his doctors, Samantha Masts insists. She also notes he hasn't even been paid for his Broadway stint yet. [UPI, E!]
• This long, long story is about how, with all of her projects, Victoria is beating David and emerging as the "winner" in the Beckham marriage. [Times Of London]
• Any chance Tina Fey's Sarah Palin character will show up on Amy Poehler's new TV show? "No, no, no." [E!]
• The death of Mark Ruffalo's brother, Scott, has been ruled a homicide. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which odd couple better hope their mutual spouses don’t discover that they shared a recent night of passion in Las Vegas?" [Gatecrasher]
• Christina Aguilera and husband Jordan Bratman threw Where The Wild Things Are-themed birthday party for their son, Max, on Saturday. [People]
• Is Kate Middleton, Prince William's ladylove, coming to New York? She's spoken with Anna Wintour and Tom Ford and is thinking about working at a major fashion house. [Daily Express]
• Paris Hilton really is BFFs with the winner of her MTV show, Brittany Flickinger: "I love her. She’s slept at my house every night for the last four weeks." But! Paris's dream best friend? Angelina Jolie. "She’s strong but gorgeous and uses her fame for good to make a big difference in the world. That’s a great quality. I’d have a lot in common with her." Um, LOL? [Pop Dirt]
• Isla Fisher is trying to plot her wedding to Sacha Baron Cohen: "[It] has been difficult to plan," she tells Allure. "It is very important to me to have a beautiful ritual celebrated with all my family and friends… when you are in the public eye, to keep that private and to make it happen without it being really visible is really difficult." Plus, Bruno could show up! [SMH]
• Kate Moss's birthday party was a "monumental medieval bash," but the young lady at the door accidentally let some random people in and got yelled at by Kate. [This Is London]
• Jamie Hince has purchased some unconventional artwork for Kate Moss's 35th birthday: A Parisian graffiti artist will spray the pieces directly on the walls of Kate's house. [The Sun]
• Whoops! Katy Perry was accidentally given the International Song Of THe Year award in Cannes, due to an error in the vote-counting. The real winner? Rihanna. [News.com.au]
• Boy George is in prison, where, says an inmate, "He’s not been crying but seems to be in another world and sleeps a lot. They’ve put him in a cell with a Rasta guy to protect him and there is always a guard close by." [The Sun]
• The Jonas Brothers are getting their own TV show, and it's inspired by the Beatles… and the Monkees. The concept: The bros play boys in a band trying to live normal lives at a regular school, despite being trailed by throngs of ardent fans. A hard day's night? [Reuters]
• By the by, Nick Jonas lost a ping-pong game to Sasha and Malia Obama. [UPI]
• Uh-oh: Three buses carrying this year's 52 Miss America got lost on the ladies' first night in Las Vegas. [UPI]
• Sexy spoiler alert: This season of Lost will be extremely Sawyer-centric. And! Oh! New video sneak peek! [E!]
• Here's an interview with Lost's Michael Emerson, aka Benjamin Linus. [E!]
• Hmm, Jay Jopling, the dude that Lily Allen's been hanging all over, is actually married to edgy British artist Sam Taylor-Wood, and now she's facing a £100m divorce. [Daily Mail]
• Even though Guy Ritchie and Robert Downey Jr. have become friends while shooting Sherlock Holmes, Downey is angry that Ritchie is making him wear four-inch platforms in his shoes to give his character some height. A source says: "Rob is stumbling around a lot and cursing Guy over the silly shoes." [The Sun]
• ZOMG, Courtney Love is trying to set up Frances Bean with Twilight's Robert Pattinson! [Daily Mail]
• Portia de Rossi says marriage has changed her life. "It's legal, and it's real, so there's that kind of formality to it that makes it very valid," she says. "I think the emotions that went with that as a gay woman kind of surprised me – that I would be that relieved to have my mother be present at the ceremony to bless the union, and to call [Ellen] her daughter-in-law." [People]
• Congrats to Brothers & Sisters star Rachel Griffiths, who is pregnant with her third child. [UPI]
• The Michael Jackson musical, Thriller Live, has hit the boards in London's West End, but doesn't reference Jackson's backstory. Plus! Producer Paul Walden speaks of MJ in the past tense, saying, "Here was an artist who had an amazing career." [Wall Street Journal]
• FYI: In NYC's horse carriage battle, Liam Neeson is all for them and Alec Baldwin is against. [Page Six]
• CNN's Soledad O'Brien lives in a NYC apartment building where one of her neighbors has a mastiff. Apparently O'Brien is not a fan of the dog due to its "size, slobbering, shedding, drooling, gassiness and odors" — and got the animal — and its owners — kicked out of the building. Sad face! O'Brien has a cat. [ Gothamist]
• Brody Jenner and his Playboy Playmate girlfriend like to stay home and bake cookies. Her Christmas gift to him was a custom surfboard emblazoned with a photo from her Playmate of the Year spread and the Playboy Bunny logo. Classy! [People]
• Alex Trebek is hosting something called Canada's Next Prime MInister. Is that how they do it up north? [Yahoo News]
• Eliza Dushku is developing a biopic about the late photographer Robert Mapplethorpe, and her brother, Nate, will star. Keeping the homoeroticism in the family! [E!]
• John Cleese, 69, has a 27-year-old girlfriend named Barbie, and she's telling this paper about seeing him naked and having sex with him and says he has the "package of a 19-year-old." [Mirror]
• Look for Cher to star in a comedy in which Johnny Knoxville is her love interest. She's 62; he's 35. Fox 411]
• Madonna's new promo shot in which she is wearing thigh-high bondage boots and white fishnet tights, a thong and a top that resembles a surgical bandage is really not that raunchy, considering. [Telegraph]
• Check out Eddie Murphy getting friendly with a blonde on the dancefloor. [Concrete Loop]
• Apparently what the world needs now is another Gordon Gekko movie. [Telegraph]
• "They photoshopped the crap out of me! I don’t care — whoever she is, she looks great!" — Kelly Clarkson, commenting on the photograph on the cover of her new single. [Gatecrasher]
• "When I started filming Lost I was 24 and I’ll be 30 this summer… When you’re in your 20s, men tend to see you as a piece of ass, and women will probably regard you as young and cute. But once you reach your 30s, suddenly people are going to take you seriously and women are more like, 'She’s reached maturity and she’s going to start sagging like the rest of us!'" — Evangeline Lily. [Mirror]
• "I always wanted to kill Hitler, I hated him. As a child studying history and looking at documents, I wondered, why didn't someone stand up and try to stop it?" — Tom Cruise. [Reuters, USA Today]
• "This is me saying this is who I am. This is my story. After all the years of reading scripts and reading lines, this is my chance to do something straight from the heart and put it out there. When I was young I liked punk rock music but then I discovered rap. I love the storytelling aspect of hip-hop." — Joaquin Phoenix. [People]
• "Obama's a unique figure in history. The fundamental American-ness of his story and the fact that he represents for many, many people an image and a view of the country that felt like it was so long missing in action…This place we've been talking about, singing about... it's alive. It isn't dead. It exists… There's always tomorrow and, hopefully, you can use the word 'hopefully' now. You can live here, and use the word 'hopefully'. So that's pretty nice." — Bruce Springsteen. [Guardian]

• Sources say Paula Abdul is basically done with American Idol. Just like when she sees a mediocre contestant, it's all: "Thank you, but no." [MSNBC Scoop]

• Former American Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe says maybe it was the producers' fault that "stalker" Paula Goodspeed ended up in the same room with Abdul on the show: "We've seen over 700,000 contestants. And one has made a terrible, terrible mistake." [People]
• Macaulay Culkin's sister Dakota died yesterday in a terrible traffic accident in L.A.; she stepped off a curb and was struck by a car. [TMZ]
• Scarlett Johansson talks about hubs Ryan Reynolds: "Getting married is a huge moment in anyone's life, and the few months leading up to it were a little crazy. But Ryan and I are in love, and we're enjoying evolving our relationship together. I feel that my life and my work are heading in the right direction." Also? They're both very romantic. Just so you know. [Perez Hilton]
• Holy sunglasses! Stevie Wonder might be the next contestant on Dancing With The Stars. Stevie sez: "It'd be fun. It's not impossible, but right now it's just a thought… Come on. You've got to think. If I have 7 children, I've got to be able to dance right?" [Perez Hilton]
• Oooh, a book exposing secrets about Martha Stewart? Written by a member of her own family? Intimate details of Martha's boozing, eating and crying binges… the stars she hates, what really happened in prison and her "special" lady friend. A good thing? [Jossip]
• Tom Cruise's new flick, Valkyrie: Reviews are meh. Not good for a $90 million picture. [Fox 411]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty are still going strong; they were seen checking out some rock show in Hollywood. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Watch Sienna miller act like a mental patient as she wanders around in a hospital gown and smears blood on a wall in this video by UK band The Hours. Deep. [Just Jared]
• Mariah Carey's world tour is canceled. Bun in oven? [Perez Hilton]
• Britney's kid burped while she was wishing people Merry Christmas in a video or her site. Charming! [People]
• Heath Ledger's family is "so proud" the actor got a Golden Globe nomination for The Dark Knight. [People]
• There's a London couple being sentenced for supplying drugs to a "hit list" of celebs including — wait for it — Amy Winehouse. [The Star]
• "Of the 90 or so actors to grace the Saturday Night Live stage since its first show in 1975, only eight have been African-American." Boo. And ridiculous. [Gatecrasher]
• Here's everything you never wanted to know about how Samantha Ronson is suing the lawyer she hired to stop Perez Hilton from spreading rumors about her and how the lawyer is suing her right back and how blogs are writing about the whole thing. [LA Times]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are joining the cast of Classic Stage Company’s production of Uncle Vanya. Pretty daamn cute, being in a plaay together. [NY Times]
• Ugly Betty's Ashley Jensen is suing the host of Bravo's Flipping Out, Jeff Lewis over "aggressive threats and outrageous behavior." [TMZ]
• We've heard this one before but here it is again: Seal says Heidi Klum told him she was pregnant after their first date. "I laughed and said, 'Already? That’s amazing!' She said, 'Not with you stupid.' There was a pause of about 10 seconds," Seal says, "and I said, 'It doesn’t change the way I feel about you because the fact that you are here tells me that you think a lot about me.'" [Mirror]
• Enrique Inglesias groped a 17-year-old girl on stage in London while singing to her. Well, he put his hand on her heart. But that is kind of close to some other stuff. The young lady in question, Maria from Essex says: "I had such an amazing night. I'll never forget it. It felt like a dream. He's so hot." [Mirror]
• Gilmore Girls star Lauren Graham is coming back to primetime! Look for her in an ABC comedy from writer Alex Herschlag (Will and Grace) about a self-help guru who teaches women how to live a stress-free life — but struggles to follow her own advice when her boyfriend dumps her. [Variety]
• Eminem and Dr. Dre are back in the studio, and Em says he and his mentor are "up to our old mischievous ways." Good news. [Reuters]
• Real estate drama between Nicolette Sheridan and former fiancé Michael Bolton: Dude is homeless! [Page Six]
• Did Gwyneth Paltrow have a boob job? [Page Six]
• Axl Rose is anthropophobic — afraid of people. Some people are probably quite Axlphobic. [Page Six]
• If you smell the pungent scent of marijuana, know this: Willie Nelson cannot be far away. [Page Six]
• Kim Raver's heading to Ethiopia for UNICEF. [Page Six]
• Whitney Port has finally discovered that L.A. guys are trolls and New York guys are "more confident and know what they want." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which rehabbed starlet convinced a group of college kids to bring her a big bag of powder? She hoarded all the drugs for herself before kicking the kids out of her hotel. But the crew had the last laugh - they stole her entire liquor stash as they left." [Gatecrasher]
• Rihanna and Kelly Osbourne are coaching Nicole Richie as she prepares to release her debut album? Does this mean corsets and "Papa Don't Preach"? [Daily News]
• ALL 13 streets on a new £400million estate are being named after Rolling Stones hits. [The Sun]
• "I've heard stories from my aunts and uncles and my dad, I had an attitude about Germans, a prejudice about them. I speak several languages and I'm interested in languages. I can read a German paper slowly and can almost figure it out, yet I don't speak German and I realize I don't want to speak German. I don't like the way it sounds and I don't like being in Germany. By playing a German and trying to be honest about it I sort of got past that prejudice and judgment... Germans are people too!" — Viggo Mortensen. [Daily Express]
• "Mental disease is the only thing you can be diagnosed with and get yelled at for having. Why is that? From the moment I was diagnosed there was a certain sense of euphoria and 'Thank God' we figured this out. I thought that I'd become such a curmudgeon." — The Sopranos' Joe Pantoliano, who was miserable despite the success and family he'd always wanted. (He was diagnosed with clinical depression.) [AP]
• "I loved her, no question, in the proper platonic sense but, yes, I loved her. We were filming one day and I kept her waiting on set because I was still in my caravan, playing cards. She stormed in and shouted: 'You are a real nut and I've met some nuts in my day.' And then she hit me. A couple of hours later, I went to see her and gave her a present to say I was sorry for keeping her waiting. She said: 'Don't worry, pig. I only hit the people I love.'" — Peter O'Toole on Katharine Hepburn. [Daily Mail]
• "Some people believe that if you date a person from another race you are somehow denying who you are. They believe that dating someone with a different skin color somehow makes you a self-hater, loathing that which makes you yourself. They believe that it's an insult to your parents, ancestors, heritage and community. I find this view much more telling about the people who say this than about those who do find a physical, spiritual, mental and emotional connection with someone who looks different than themselves. Choosing someone who I am physically attracted to and who also inspires, uplifts, educates and keeps me interested is my first priority- not their race." — Russell Simmons. [ONTD]
• "I've never played super-dark in a film. I think I'd be curious to do it. If a character comes along that I find really compelling and it works out that the director wants to go that direction with me, I'm totally willing to try. I've actually auditioned, but I think people have a hard time making the leap from — I don't want to use this as a cop-out, but my energy is not dark, my being is not dark. Oh, gosh — I can be very dark… I become very Eeyore." — Amy Adams. [Washington Post]
• "WHAT I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day" - Phyllis Diller in Bruce Littlefield's book, Merry Christmas, America!. [Page Six]
• "I have excellent facilities for ablutions, should you ever tire of the sweating and such. I'd be happy to scrub your back - from a safe distance." "We could meet early evening and bolster your rightly damaged ego with orgasms." "Come and see me in the daytime. We could generate a satanic infant." — text messages to ladies from Russell Brand. [Gatecrasher]

• Sarah Palin's spokespeople say she is not snubbing Oprah Winfrey by refusing to appear on her show. Palin's flack says it's "nothing personal" and that Palin has just been too busy. "The governor was invited to appear. She was also invited to appear on Letterman, Leno, Stephanopoulos, The Daily Show. She passed on a vast majority of these requests," Palin's spokesdude, Bill McAllister, says. Uh oh. Now Palin has really done it. You can slight Letterman; you can kick Stephanopoluos to the curb. But you never, ever mess with the Oprah. [CNN]
• Katy Perry is publicly apologizing for calling herself a "skinnier version" of Lily Allen last year. "I was just kind of joking and trying to be funny," Perry tells Us. "I didn't mean anything by it. Comedians are not necessarily to be taken super seriously." Hmm, Lily's not so amused! Quoth Ms. Allen: "She's like, 'Aha, I'm like a fatter version of Amy Winehouse and a skinner version of Lily Allen!' It's like, you're not English and you don't write your own songs, shut up!" [Us]

• Jessica Biel is lamenting the lack of good roles for women in Hollywood. "Your face and your body can get your foot in the door, obviously. And I'm thankful for that…But I think it's almost historical in Hollywood that there just aren't so many good parts for women as they are for men. I think as long as you're playing the wife or the girlfriend to the lead then you're always playing second fiddle to the guys." [People]
• With one failed starter marriage behind her, Kate Hudson says she's not sure she'll wed again, not even if it involves a kooky scenario in which she competes with her bff for bridezilla honors. "I don't know if I'll ever get married again…I don't know. ... It depends on who you end up with." [People]
• Kid Rock is telling PETA to suck it. "I want to go to war with PETA. My biggest extravagance is fur coats — I've got every kind of animal in my wardrobe," says Kid. We're sure this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that his ex, Pam Anderson, is a fur-hatin' PETA spokeswoman. No, nothing at all. [US News & World Report]
• T.R. Knight's press folks say that despite rumors, he will not be leaving Grey's Anatomy. [UPI, EW]
• Um, now they're telling People that he is leaving. [People]
• Police were called to Stevie Wonder's house in the San Fernando Valley after his cousin "reportedly began unloading items including a fridge onto the property." Apparently the fridge was neither signed, sealed, nor delivered appropriately. [Daily Express]
• Check out O.J.'s booking photo here if you want a new image for your dart board. [TMZ]
• Kate Moss knows how to keep help. The diminutive model allegedly took her nanny, Mary Davidson, on a shopping spree at Topshop in London. "Kate kept insisting that she ‘buy buy buy’! She was shouting: ‘Come on girls!’ to their pals and seemed keen to get them some fantastic clobber. Pretty soon Mary perked up and began tearing clothes off the racks. Shoppers looked shocked to see Kate running round the store," a source says. [The London Paper]
• We interrupt our regularly scheduled hating on Gwyneth Paltrow to congratulate her on her fifth wedding anniversary to Coldplay crooner Chris Martin. You can now go back to your Goopenfreude. [Daily Express]
• Speaking of Chris Martin, he and the rest of his Coldplay bandmates are denying that they plagiarized one of guitarist Joe Satriani's songs, releasing a statement that read, in part, ""Joe Satriani is a great musician, but he did not write or have any influence on the song 'Viva La Vida.' We respectfully ask him to accept our assurances of this and wish him well with all future endeavors." [Yahoo]
• Clay Aiken's got a booooyfriend: he's been linked to Broadway dancer Reed Kelly. The pair met when Aiken was doing Spamalot. Heh. Doing. Spam. A Lot. [Star]
• Common thinks that Barack Obama's election will make hip hop more hopeful. "I think hip-hop artists will have no choice but to talk about different things and more positive things, and try to bring a brighter side to that because, even before Barack, I think people had been tired of hearing the same thing." Hip Hope Hooray? [CNN ]
• Jimmy Fallon's web shorts, a precursor to his forthcoming late night show on NBC, have debuted online. Everyone thinks they suck. [Perez]
• Speaking of Weekend Update refugees, next week's SNL will unfortunately be Amy Poehler's last. "Amy was excited to return to SNL for a surprise visit and will also appear on next week's show before officially departing to focus on her new NBC sitcom," says a flack. The Weekend Update desk will not be the same without her adorable face. [CC Insider]

• Sam Ronson is mad at the animal-rights protester who threw flour on LiLo's fur stole! Blogged the DJ, "the girl who threw [the flour] acted like an animal herself...I take that back, it's an insult to animals to group her in with them, my dog is FAR more civilized than that person." [ElleUK]
• Meanwhile, Natalie Imbruglia is not "torn" about fur! In a new ad for PETA, the Aussie "is seen covering her breasts with a live rabbit, called Topsy." Of course she is! [Daily Express]
• "'Please don't write that I'm eccentric,' says Vivienne Westwood, who is dressed in a holey black dress with what looks like bits of flesh-coloured tights woven in and out of it, a pair of scruffy old trainers and a knitted hat pulled over her hair, which is the colour of clementines. She has drawn her eyebrows on in red pencil." [Guardian]
• Just in time for the recession! Gaultier launches a line of children's wear! [WWD]
• "Karl is hilarious. As serious and scary as he looks, he tells the best jokes." We'll take your word for it, Talluleh Harlech. [WWD]

• Oy. The October sales drop was the worst in 16 years. [WWD]
• Even Target is down! [WWD]
• Kai Milla, Stevie Wonder's designer wife, wants to make the inaugural gown for Michelle Obama. If wishes were trees... [Washington Post]
• The Michelle bump is still buoying J. Crew. [NY Times]
• Meanwhile, a bag favored by Carla Bruni is being sold to benefit Cape Town slums. [Times of India]
• Model Carol Alt starts a raw-food beauty line. Good for her! [WWD]
• Ford Models goes all digital. [AdAge]
• Sonia Rykiel hosts retrospective of, um, herself in "her spunky and insouciant style." It'll feature 200 ensembles. [WWD]
• More Vivienne Westwood: the designer opens "Anglomania" boutique in Manchester, for her younger, "marginally less expensive" Anglomania line. [Daily Mail]
• "Art of Dior" show in Beijing brought together "fashion luminaries and executives mingled with Chinese celebrities and stars of the art world." No, we weren't there. [WWD]
• The Bangladeshi garment industry is stronger than ever. [Global Voices]
• In deference to economic climes, Prada's new bag line is under a grand. [Nylon]
• Moschino designs truly grotesque dress for Barney's "Hippie Holiday"/EarthPledge. [VogueUK]
• Daisy Lowe will indeed be frontin' Marc by Marc Jacobs. [ElleUK]
• Fast fashion's courting the men's market now. [DNR]
• Family birthday parties, Roitfeld-style: "Among the 30 guests at the intimate dinner were Stavros Niarchos, model Lara Stone and Genevieve Jones." [WWD]

• Daniel Radcliffe tells Details magazine that he lost his virginity at 16 with an older woman! He says the age difference "wasn't ridiculous" but "would freak some people out." What age would freak you out? 21? 31? 41? [Daily Mail]
• Also from Details: "I think part of me would love to play a drag queen, just because it would be an excuse to wear loads of eye makeup." — Daniel Radcliffe. [MSNBC, UPI]
• Joe Francis has had a new assistant since his release from jail in March: She is Holly Montag, Heidi's older sister. Apparently she is running his life. Joe says: "Holly is fantastic, probably the best assistant I have ever had." The Montag family, so classy. [Page Six]
• Holy crap! OK! magazine has a double cover for the first time ever. Democratic on one side, Republican on the other. Obama and Palin are the new Britney and Lindsay. [MSNBC]
• Us Weekly has a Sarah Palin cover too. More on this in a verrrry interesting Midweek Madness. [Us]

• Two men from Malibu have been charged with misdemeanor counts of battery for attacking a paparazzo who was snapping pix of Matthew McConaughey surfing in the Pacific Ocean in June. Officials say the two dudes threw the photog in the water from where he was taking pictures on the beach. They each face up to six months in jail and a $2000 fine. [Reuters]
• Hilary Swank is set to "pack on the pounds" to play the lead in French Women Don't Get Fat, the adaptation of Mireille Guiliano's best-selling book, which Swank is also producing. Even though the book is um, nonfiction, a story is being crafted! Hilary will play the manager of a champagne company dealing with French ladies who eat bread, wine and pastries and never gain an ounce. Fun. Lemme guess: She learns to slow down and enjoy, thereby losing weight? [E!]
• Remember how Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright were arrested in Shreveport, Louisiana for allegedly keeping cops from breaking up a bar brawl? Seems like the whole thing is getting swept under the rug. The police department supposedly has tapes of the incident, but they have never been released. Could it be because cops maybe called Wright the N-word and he was hit with a taser? [Radar]
• A friend of Lily Allen's was abducted at gunpoint and held hostage for a week. He's been released and Lily has thanked the police: "We were all terrified and from what I hear you guys did an amazing job." [Daily Express]
• Scene: Lily Allen and Elton John on stage at the GQ Awards. Lily: "And now to the most important part of the night-" Elton: "What? Are you going to have another drink?" Lily: "Fuck off Elton. I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!" Elton: "I could still snort you under the table." Lily: "Fuck off. I don't know what you are talking about." [The Sun]
• The new movie The Women might suck, despite its secret new age-y message. [Fox 411]
• Cameron Diaz and Paul Sculfor have been all over each other at the US Open. Is it Love? [The Sun]
• Oh, but when Cameron shops, Paul gets bored. [Page Six]
• Blistex polled 3,000 women and Keira Knightley was voted as having the "perfect pout." [The Sun]
• Tiffani Thiessen, who played Valerie on 90210, doesn't seem that into the new 90210. [E!]
• Jon Bon Jovi is teaming up with the State of New Jersey to build homes that will cater to homeless people with special needs, like AIDS patients. Oh, we're halfway there. Oh. Oh! Living on a prayer. [USA Today]
• Wow, haven't heard from this guy in a while: Howard K. Stern is suing the man who used to be Larry Birkhead's bodyguard. And! He also has a $60 million libel suit pending against the company (and woman) that published Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death. He's not happy about the gay allegations. [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Simpson almost quit singing but Dolly Parton helped her with letters of encouragement, aww. [Yahoo News]
• Some idiot paparazzi was harassing Chris Brown, asking him if he was going to sing with the Jonas Brothers; Chris responded, "No, I'm doing a duet with your mom." [TMZ]
• Heath Ledger's estate has sold his Hollywood Hills home, nicknamed The Treehouse, for $2.5 million. It is unknown if Michelle Williams and Matilda will get part of the money from the sale. [News.com.au]
• Does Hugh Grant have a new 27-year-old ladyfriend? He was seen hanging with former model Catherine Fulmer in The Hamptons recently. Catherine, by the by, was wearing a vest, shorts and no shirt: Toplessness! [The Sun]
• Morrissey has split with his management firm after just three months. Please please please: Let me get what I want this time. [Reuters]
• A poster for Angelina Jolie's film Wanted was banned in the UK because it "glamorizes gun crime" and is "likely to provoke violence." It's the one where she's lying on the hood of a car holding a shotgun. [The First Post]
• Blind item! "Which hip-hop mogul had a hidden video camera installed in a light fixture in his bedroom? He likes to record his sessions with unsuspecting ladies for future replays." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which closeted actor who once dated an actress 'beat the hell out of her,' according to her friend?" [Page Six]
• The Library Of Congress will honor Stevie Wonder with the Gershwin Prize for Popular Song. This is only the second time this prize has been awarded: The first was in 2007, to Paul Simon. The award recognizes a musician's lifetime of work and Wonder will receive it on Feb. 23, 2009. Love's In Need Of Love Today, you guys. [AP]
• Rock band Great White, whose pyrotechnics sparked a nightclub fire that killed 100 people in 2003, will play $1 million to survivors and victims' relatives. [Newser, via AP]
• Who is Philip Olivier? He used to be on Hollyoaks or something. It doesn't matter: He is smoking hot. Click here to see. [The Sun]
• "Am I gay? If you want to know the truth, ask the people who go to bed with me." — The late Dusty Springfield, in a 1999 interview. [Page Six]
• "I have auditory hallucinations, I hear voices saying derogatory things, like I'm terrible and I'm going to die, and they're usually worse in the afternoon" — Brian Wilson. [Page Six]
• "I had the hot iron in my hand and he had a handful of my hair. He grabbed the hand with the iron in it and was pushing [it] toward my face. He ended up pressing that hot iron against my other arm. I heard my flesh sizzling, and the smell was sickening. I started screaming from the pain. He dropped the iron and I turned to run, and his nail swiped across my eyeball and shredded my cornea." — Sandy (Pepa) Denton of Salt-n-Pepa, on her abusive boyfriend, a man she calls "Brad." She is celibate now. [Rush & Molloy]