• Jennifer Aniston has agreed to do a weekly talk show for Oprah's new cable channel, OWN. A source says:

"She is doing this for one reason only; she absolutely wants to do it.." [NY Post]

• Madonna has arrived in Malawi to visit the girls school she is building there; a groundbreaking ceremony takes place today. [AP]
• "Lindsay Lohan has a new addiction." Shopping! Specifically: Shoes. [Gatecrasher]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin's lawyers will be in court today regarding the money missing from their joint bank account. [People]
• On November 19, Rihanna will perform in a very special location: On the Oasis of the Seas, the world's largest cruise ship, operated by Royal Caribbean. Wonder if she'll sing, "Love… Exciting and new... come aboard… We're expecting you…" [USA Today]
• Courtney Love has moved to New York because her home in Malibu has been the target of raids by people claiming to be LAPD. She says: "I tried to be charming. But one of the guys points a gun at me. My daughter, Frances, ran and hid under the house." And! "My biggest problem is that I'm Courtney Love." [NY Daily News]
• Lady Gaga's dad had heart surgery on Thursday, and she's been spending time at the hospital giving him footrubs and so on. She Tweeted: "He's my hero." [Daily Express]
• Lady Gaga is a sad little Harlequin in French Vogue. [The Life Files]
• Ivanka Trump married New York Observer publisher Jared Kushner over the weekend; pic at the link. [NY Post]
• Nick Prugo, the 18-year-old suspected of stealing from Lindsay Lohan and Audrina Patridge, had his computer seized, and it shows Google searches like "can a stolen mac be traced" and "if i register a mac can it be tracked." In addition, the computer was full of searches for the addresses of a number of celebrities whose houses were burglarized and photographs of jewelry worn by those celebs. [TMZ]
• Nick Prugo's computer also had the address of Dr. 90210 (Dr. Rey), though his home was not broken into. [TMZ]
• A source says that Nick Prugo wore Paris Hilton's heels: "He could fit into her shoes… He put them on and got into a dance and said, 'Don't I look good?'" Also, the "ring leader" of this teen thief gang is Rachel Lee, 18; she's described as a kleptomaniac. [NY Post]
• Lawyers for Jennifer Lopez have sent a cease and desist letter to shut down production of a movie about her life with her first husband, waiter and model Ojani Noa. He's claiming How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J-lo and and Ojani Noa Story is a mockumentary and "100% parody." [The Wrap]
• Emily Blunt will wear custom John Galliano when she marries John Krasinski , in case you weren't already ridiculously jealous. [Gatecrasher]
• Sean Penn is in Cuba to interview Fidel Castro for Vanity Fair. No, really. [AFP]
• Recently divorced Amy Winehouse and Blake Formerly Incarcerated have both changed their Facebook status back to married. [Telegraph]
• Morrissey collapsed on stage and was rushed to the hospital on Sunday; he's since been discharged. [Independent]
• Susan Boyle was at a soccer match on Thursday, waving a scarf over her head, and everyone saw that her pants were undone. [MSNBC Scoop]
• A song in True Blood sparked Stephen Moyer's marriage proposal to Anna Paquin. [People]
• Jackie Jackson saw his brother Michael Jackson's movie, This Is It. He says the film is "truly riveting" and: "We get a glimpse of a true genius at work." [TMZ]
• Here's a partial set list of the songs in the Michael Jackson movie. [NY Post]
• Seventy unreleased songs created by Michael Jackson after 2004 are up for grabs; Sony Music and Universal Music may bid against each other. [NY Post]
• The man who is accused of punching Leona Lewis in the face has been sanctioned under the Mental Health Act and is not fit to go to court. [The Sun]
• In the play After Miss Julie, Sienna Miller grabs the scrotum of Jonny Lee Miller. Or at least appears to. She reveals her acting secret at the link. She also admits that ex flings Jude Law and Daniel Craig — who are also on Broadway right now — have not yet come to see her play. [NY Daily News]
• By the by, Jude Law thinks it's okay to smoke in NYC bars. [Page Six]
• As for Samantha Burke, she sold baby pix and an interview about her fling with Jude Law to a Brit mag for about $300,000. [Gatecrasher]
• In this interview, Carrie Fisher touches on bipolar disorder, doing acid, Laurence Olivier, Cary Grant, and Agnes Of God. She also pulls out her iPhone and watches her audition tape for Star Wars. [The Daily Beast]
• Shauna Sand's sex tape should be out any day now, since a handwriting expert proved that she had, in fact, signed off on it. [TMZ]
• Interesting: Paul Haggis, the Oscar-winning writer-director whose credits include Crash, Million Dollar Baby and Letters From Iwo Jima, has left the Church of Scientology. In a letter, he writes that the Church's "public sponsorship of Proposition 8, a hate-filled legislation that succeeded in taking away the civil rights of gay and
  lesbian citizens of California – rights that were granted them by the
  Supreme Court of our state – shames us." [Showbiz 411]
• Patrick Swayze's widow, Lisa Niemi, will speak publicly for the first time tomorrow at a women's conference in Long Beach, CA on a panel on loss and grieving with Elizabeth Edwards and actress Susan St. James, both of whom lost children in accidents. [NY Post]
• A man named Robert George says Glee hates women. [NY Post]
• "Fatboy Slim was 'too drunk' to have a baby." [Daily Express]
• Nadya "Octomom" Suleman's Halloween costume is horrifying, but maybe not in the way you think. [NY Post]
• Andrew Lloyd Webber has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. His rep says he is "now undergoing treatment and expects to be fully back at work before the end of the year." [AP]
• James Gandolfini and Al Sharpton seem to be having a bromance. [Page Six]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Jenna Elfman talks about how her second pregnancy is harder than her first. [E!]
• In a random online poll, Twilight's Edward Cullen has been named favorite vampire. [Mirror]
• A Run-DMC musical on Broadway? It's tricky. [Gatecrasher]
• "[I was] freaking out. Dying inside. But then when the towel dropped I was like, 'fuck that.' You just have to relax, and it's just like you're taking a shower at your house. There is no one around, you are taking a shower, it's very simple. I literally took a shower the way I take a shower." — Gilles Marini, on his Sex And The City nude scene. [BlackBook]
• "I was still showing up to work but I wasn't nearly as good as I should have been. Jon and the guys said, 'Hey, you've gotta take care of this and you've gotta take care of this now.'" — Richie Sambora, on his Bon Jovi bandmates staging an intervention and urging him to enter rehab. [Daily Express]
• Q: If you could have been born in a different century, which would it be?
  A: "Roman times. You never had to leave the couch." — Ozzy Osbourne. [Telegraph]
• "The nude scenes never felt magical. They felt like a pain in the arse." — Eric Bana on The Time Traveler's Wife. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "We didn't have trailers. That's unheard of. After Season 2, for two seasons we had a communal trailer that we all shared — me, Larry [David], Jeff [Garlin], Cheryl [Hines], any of the guests stars, we were all in the same trailer. Changing together, using the same bathroom. You think those Sex and the City girls didn't have trailers from day one? Oh yes they did!" — Susie Essman on the early days of Curb Your Enthusiasm. [Page Six]
• "I remember thinking, 'I don't know if I can do radio.' I never even listen to it. [But] There's no censorship. That's why I said yes. I couldn't imagine doing a show where I'd once again have to answer to corporate interests." — Rosie O'Donnell, on her new radio show, which she can do from home. She adds: "I don't even have a bra on! That's the best part of this job." [USA Today]
• "I take pride in saying I'm a fat girl, fabulous and thick, fluffy and tender, full and tasty. Don't it just make you happy to say that? Big from birth. Nine pounds, 13 ounces. They told my mother it was baby fat and I would grow out of it. At 41 years old, I am now 217 pounds. I didn't grow out of it. I grew into it… Am I wrong for not saying that beauty has to be blonde hair and blue eyes and a size zero? Now, that is beautiful. But beauty is also black with nappy hair, and it could be a size 52. Beauty comes in everything. It's what your eyes perceive to be beautiful. I just don't choose to buy into the foolishness of what this country says we deem is beauty. Who are you?" — Mo'Nique, who also talks about losing weight for her health, at the link. [CBS News]

• Kate Gosselin says her kids have been misbehaving lately and, "I'm trying to give them the grace to see, if they're acting out of line, I'm trying to look deeper into why that is, why the kids are acting out..."

• She continues, "Cause it's all inter-related. I mean, they don't see it, but it's all interconnected." [People]
• This can't be good: Nadya Suleman says, "I kind of have a crush on Jon Gosselin," adding, "I think he's hot!" [Radar Online]
• Michael Kamrava, the fertility doctor who implanted Nadya Suleman with six embryos, has been kicked out of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. The organization does not have the power to strip him of his medical license. [TMZ]
• Michael Lohan has announced he's going to meet with a judge and ask to put Lindsay Lohan under a conservatorship. A source says, "Lindsay is actively getting a restraining order, her lawyer have already been contacted. She's scared. This is really serious."
  [People]
• Roman Polanski was transferred from prison to a hospital on Friday for medical examinations. He'll remain in the hospital for several days being treated for an undisclosed condition. [People]
• Is Ashlee Simpson going to appear in an upcoming issue of Vogue? She was spotted recently at a"glamorous photoshoot for Vogue magazine at the Hilton hotel in Beverly Hills." [Socialite Life]
• The Heene family posted a note on the door of their Colorado home that reads, "Thank you for all of your support. We are not taking any interview any more. We are tired. Thank you. Heenes" [Us]
• Richard Heene's lawyer says he expects he'll be charged by Wednesday and when that happens Heene will plead not guilty. [TMZ]
• About two weeks ago Richard Heene posted a profile on RealityWanted.com advertising himself to casting agents and producers to be a reality star. [TMZ]
• Richard Heene was arrested in April 1997 in Los Angeles and charged with misdemeanor vandalism, vehicle tampering, and disturbing the peace. He plead no contest to the vandalism charge and was sentenced to 30 days in jail and 2 years probation. [TMZ]
• The FAA is investigating whether Richard Heene released the balloon without authorization. [TMZ]
• Shree Silver, who co-starred with Richard Heene on Wife Swap says he "had the mind of a mad scientist." Though he once threw milk on her she says, " I don't think he would be physically abusive." [People]
• David Hasselhoff may do a reality show. An A&E rep confirms, "We are discussing a possibility of doing a documentary series with David and his kids." [TMZ]
• After showing up 90 minutes late to a charity concert in Colorado Springs, DMX was told he couldn't perform. DMX, his bodyguards, and his fans got into a fight with concert security. There's video here: [TMZ]
• Simon Cowell is stepping up Leona Lewis' security since she was attacked at a book signing last week. "I was stunned anyone would want to attack her. We need to make sure she is protected," he said. [The Sun]
• Bethenny Frankel announced over the weekend that she's engaged, but is she pregnant too? A source says, "Bethenny premeditated all of this! She got pregnant and got engaged all for her own show." [Perez Hilton]
• Boy George says in prison, "You've got the classic picture of the balconies and the banging cups. I knew what to expect. I was quite hostile. Very hostile. And very grumpy. Not because I felt that way particularly, but because I felt it required that. The situation required me to be a bit feisty, a bit don't-fuck-with-me." [Daily Express]
• Randy and Evi Quaid didn't attend a court hearing in Santa Barbara this morning to settle their fraud case. The DA is giving them another chance to show up next Monday, but if they don't appear he'll have them extradited from Texas. [TMZ, Radar Online]
• Laura Dern has been cast as the headmistress of an elementary school in the Meet The Fockers sequel Little Fockers. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Michelle Obama will appear on The Jay Leno Show on Friday via satellite. [Entertainment Tonight]
• Stephen Moyer is walking with a cane after tearing his meniscus while playing with his kids. "I'd like to say it as some kind of thrusting, sexy injury," he said. "But it really isn't." [People]
• Jenna Fisher, who fell down a staircase and broke her back in four places says, "Before the accident, I wore size 26 jeans! I was truly in the best shape of my life. Afterward, I gained 10 lbs. and got flabby." But now, "I went shopping with my girlfriends recently, and I fit into my old-size jeans." [People]
• Jordan says, "Do you want to know the truth why we're not divorced? It's because it looks like Pete's still after my money. I texted him the other day and said, are you sticking to the pre-nup or are you after my money?" [The Sun]
• The Brits have nominated Jordan for Bounty Celebrity Mum of the Year. [The Mirror]
• The Tate Modern may have to destroy 12,000 catalogues for the Richard Prince exhibit Pop Life because they contain a nude picture of Brooke Shields taken when she was 10. [N.Y. Times]
• Wilmer Valderrama will star in a half hour sitcom based on the escapades of Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan. [People]
• Penn Badgley says dating Blake Lively may not have been the best idea. "Having a relationship with someone you work with might not always be the smartest move," he says. "But it's been wonderful to be in a relationship where we can both identify with what the other is experiencing." [Entertainment Tonight]
• Victoria Beckham will guest star on an episode of Gossip Girl A source says that at Posh's New York fashion show last month Blake Lively, "pleaded with her to guest star in an episode and ran the idea past producers." [Mirrow]
• Chris Kirkpatrick believes there may be an *NSYNC because, "You never know what the future holds. Anything could happen... We're all just being ourselves for a little while." We guess that Justin Timberlake will keep "being himself" for quite a long time." [People]
• "I've had some absolutely great relationships and some not so great relationships," says George Clooney. "I've been in some relationships where I've felt terribly alone. Just because you're with someone it doesn't mean you're incredibly happy and complete." [People]
• While accepting the Spike TV sci-fi actress award for Transformers 2 Megan Fox said, "I don't usually do this, but I wanted to say something,... There have been a lot of false reports about how I feel about this movie. I just want to be very clear that I've always felt I'm a very ordinary part of an extraordinary film." [Us]

• Justin Timberlake's grandmother has confirmed his split from Jessica Biel. Sadie Bomar says they broke up because, "Jessica was keen to marry, but Justin isn't ready..."

• She added, "The girlfriends come and go, but we believe nothing has ever been serious." [The Mirror]
• Elizabeth Taylor announced on her Twitter page today that she's about to undergo heart surgery. She wrote: "It's very new and involves repairing my leaky valve using a clip device, without open heart surgery, so that my heart will function better... Any prayers you happen to have lying around I would dearly appreciate. I'll let you know when it's all over." [People]
• Chris Brown is planning to tour again for his remaining fans. He Tweeted: "BOUT TO START A SMALL TOUR SOON.. 15 TO 20 DATES.. MY FAN APPRECIATION TOUR. just for yall.nothin bigger than 4,ooo seater." [TMZ]
• A private investigator and celebrity lawyer Mark Geragos (who defended Chris Brown) were seen entering Nicole Richie's estate. Could it have something to do with one of the paparazzi rear ending her car yesterday? [TMZ]
• Lindsay Lohan looked "out of it and gaunt" at the Ungaro runway show on Sunday and Michael Lohan says, "I'm going to get her off the prescription drugs that she's on." He continues, "You know why Lindsay's not acting in feature films right now? Because she can't. Because the girl with all the talent is hidden and buried deep inside this fungus that's grown because of the prescription drugs. She can't be herself. When you hug her she's like, vacant inside. When she kisses or holds me I get chills, and not in a good way-in a bad way." He says everything was fine before he and Dina got divorced and now Lindsay is being taken advantage of by "enablers." [Radar Online]
• Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi survived a minor plane crash on Friday. They were parked on the landing strip at Hearst Castle and the Cessna they were in rolled into an SUV when the pilot forgot to put on the parking brake. [TMZ]
• Usher has delayed his divorce from Tameka Raymond by not signing the divorce papers. "Tameka thinks that it's ironic that "Papers" is his comeback single when she just wants him to sign the paperwork and finalize the divorce," says a source. "The terms and conditions have been agreed on for around a month but he keeps stalling on them and she's the one that wants to move on with her life." [Radar Online]
• Kate Gosselin filed court paper yesterday demanding that Jon Gosselin return $230,000 to their bank account and sell his luxury cars. She also wants Jon to produce a complete record of all the money he spent in the past two months and to be held in contempt of their Interim Arbitration Award. [Radar Online]
• Mel Gibson's lawyers are asking a judge to expunge Gibson's DUI conviction for the "sugar tits" incident from his record. He's completed three years of probation. [TMZ]
• ...aaaand Judge Lawrence Mira granted their request and expunged the DUI. [TMZ]
• Tom Cruise slipped into the back of a Harvard Law class to watch his lawyer Bertram Fields lecture. Fields asked Cruise to comment on issues about tabloids and privacy, and how films are rated a few times. Cruise stayed after class to talk with students and sign autographs. [Harvard Law Record]
• City National Bank is suing Toni Braxton for breach of contract for falling behind on payments of a $900,000 promissory note. [Radar Online]
• Miley Cyrus, who canceled three shows last week because of a severe throat infection, Tweets: "Gotta get up at 6:30! Its my first day back for goodness sakes! You'd think they'd learn their lesson and take it a little slower but noooo." [Daily Express]
• Michael Crichton's widow has filed a creditor's claim against his estate for $7 million. Her prenup entitled her to $1 million a year for nine years, but she had only received $2 million when he died. [TMZ]
• Sources say Tom DeLay will withdraw from Dancing With The Stars tonight due to stress fractures in both his feet. DeLay danced last night even though doctors told him not to. "They're starting to tell me I shouldn't have done this," he said, "I ice [my feet]. I've got a bone stimulator machine that I put on them."[People]
• ZOMG: The November 9 episode of Gossip Girl will feature major characters in a threesome. [EW]
• Kenny Goss, George Michael's partner of 13 years, left him this past Christmas but they've been trying to keep the split quiet. A source says "Kenny had given George many chances. But after the Hampstead Heath incident he said he couldn't take any more. Everyone knew George wasn't just in there to do drugs - the place is well known as a place to pick up men." [Daily Express]
• George Michael's rep says, "There is no truth in the matter at all. Kenny has been away in Dallas where he owns a gallery but is scheduled to return home this Friday. They are planning a lovely weekend together." Daily Mail]
• CBS Television Distribution wants to turn Nancy Grace into the next Judge Judy. The syndicator is developing a half-hour daytime show with Grace described as "a new take on the court show." [Broadcasting Cable]
• Martha Stewart says her biggest regret is "Not having a dozen offspring." [Vanity Fair]
• David Letterman's apology last night was watched by 4.2 million people, a higher rating than anything NBC had on in prime time. [Variety]
• George Clooney's parents, Nick and Nina Clooney, went to the Kentucky State Capitol today to receive the 2009 Kentucky Governor's Awards in the Arts on their son's behalf. Clooney was born in Lexington, Kentucky. [CBS News]
• Helen Hunt was in talks to replace Maura Tierney on Parenthood, but now the role has been offered to Lauren Graham. [Entertainment Weekly]
• A man had a seizure at a screening of Lars von Trier's Antichrist during the scene in which Charlotte Gainsbourg attacks Willem Dafoe's genitalia. [N.Y. Observer]
• Padma Lakshmi says, "One thing that happens when you're pregnant is that as your stomach starts to stretch [and] it itches! So I have to keep my belly really lubricated... Every morning, there's a buttering ceremony after I get out of the shower. It's really like basting a turkey with body butter." [People]
• Bethenny Frankel says none of her RHONY castmates have congratulated her on getting her own show. "What's funny is nobody on my cast has said a single word to me about it," Frankel says, "It must be a giant elephant [in the room]." [People]
• Anna Paquin says she and Stephen Moyer are planning a low key wedding. "I wasn't the girl who spent hours dreaming of my wedding," she says. "It's more about being family than becoming bridezilla overnight and wearing some big meringue wedding dress. That would scare the shit out of me." [Ok]
• There were rumors that Mad Men's Bryan Batt and his longtime partner Tom Cianfichi were getting married in Vermont this Christmas, but his rep says it isn't true, explaining, "Their goal is to eventually marry, but the time has yet to be determined and will not happen this year." [TV Guide]

• Lindsay Lohan will host concerts coinciding with the Singapore Grand Prix this weekend because Nicole Scherzinger had to cancel. Linds says she's qualified because, "I studied NASCAR for almost a year for Herbie. It was very hot inside those cars..."

• She adds: "I like to drive. I like cars. I like fast cars." When asked about the rumors that she knows Nicholas Prugo, the man arrested for burglarizing her apartment, Lindsay said, "I don't really want to get into the details of that. That's for the detectives to do."[AP]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall are feuding on the set of SATC 2 and refusing to speak to each other. "While the cast is all smiles on the outside, the level of dislike is unbelievable. No-one is having a good time on this shoot," says an insider. "The crew have taken to calling her ‘Carrie Sadshaw'. When she doesn't have to be ‘on' in her scenes, she looks so sad." [Ok]
• "I have great balance and co-ordination," says John Mayer. "Inventiveness. I am a very inventive lover - that's the secret to my success." [The Sun]
• Clive Owen says his new film about fatherhood, The Boys Are Back, is "A different kind of film... Parenting's a big part of my life, so it felt very natural to me." [Style.com]
• Last weekend David Hasselhoff's 17-year-old daughter Hayley called an ambulance because she believed he had alcohol poisoning. He patched thinkgs up by taking her to a lingerie launch party at a sex shop last night. [TMZ]
• In his tell-all memoir Behind the Bell Dustin Diamond claims his Saved By The Bell castmates smoked pot and hooked up. He claims Mark Paul Gosselaar used steroids and "suddenly exploded with manliness, loading 25 pounds of muscle on his once-scrawny frame in, oh, about a month." Gosselaar dismissed the allegations, joking: "We weren't in rehab and Mr. Belding wasn't my crack dealer." [Us]
• MTV will probably air DJ AM's drug-intervention reality show Gone Too Far. A final decision hasn't been made but sources say the network has been talking to his family about airing the show. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Pamela Anderson owes creditors more that $1.2 million after failing to pay various contractors who remodeled her Malibu home last year. [Star]
• Khloe Kardashian met her fiance Lamar Odom on August 27th when she hosted a party at a bar for new Laker Ron Artest and he picked up the $3,000 tab for unknown reasons. [TMZ]
• Today Kirsten Dunst testified against a man charged with stealing her $2,000 Balenciaga bag and $2,000 from a New York City hotel suite while she was on a movie set in August 2007. [AP]
• An arrest warrant has been issued for Randy Quaid and his wife Evi. They have been under investigation for the past week for allegedly stiffing the San Ysidro ranch hotel after running up a $10,000 bill. [Radar Online]
• They are expected to be charged with three felony counts each: Defrauding an innkeeper, conspiracy, and burglary. Bail will be set at $20,000. Sources say they also owe the Hotel Bel-Air $17,000 and stole a Hertz Rent-A-Car. [Radar Online]
• Randy and Evi Quaid were arrested this afternoon. Sources say there was a struggle and Evi had to be wrestled to the ground. [TMZ]
• In his upcoming memoir The Time of My Life, Patrick Swayze reveals that when he first read the script for Dirty Dancing he thought "It seemed fluffy - nothing more than a summer-camp movie." [AP]
• Ashlee Simpson says she's excited that Heather Locklear is guest starring on the new Melrose Place. "We're all really thrilled that Heather is coming back!" she said. "Of course we are - she was kind of the heart of the show. It's been great to have a lot of the original cast, and to have Heather join is really incredible. I'm excited!" [People]
• Sacha Baron Cohen will play a "pretty angry but funny" Israeli tour guide on an episode of The Simpsons that will probably air in March. [News.com.au]
• Whitney Port said MTV is letting her work on her fashion line and have a fashion show on The City while they always made Lauren Conrad hide her real life on The Hills because, "They saw how passionate I was about designing my clothing line and I really told them, 'This is what I want to do - I don't want to work in public relations and what I want to do is design. So please allow me to do this and please show my reality.'" [N.Y. Magazine]
• When Vampire Diaries star Ian Somerhalder was asked if he's worried audiences are suffering from vampire fatigue he said, "Yes. Yes. Yes. But - there is a but - and I think that is that Twilight is a feature, a big franchise. True Blood is HBO. Vampire Diaries is prime-time network. They're all so different as far as their medium. When you're a young teen, you can't sit in a room with your mom and watch True Blood - it would be very uncomfortable for everyone involved. And Twilight you get once a year. This show is every week, and it's fun, it's smart, it's sexy, it's witty, and it's now - and those characteristics slip perfectly into this crazy sort of vampire jigsaw puzzle we all find ourselves looking at. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Is Variety editor Peter Bart trying to stir up a girl fight between Jane Campion and Kathryn Bigelow? The Women & Hollywood blogs asks if this is how he's describe two male directors: "Jane Campion, 55, made a quintessentially romantic picture in Bright Star, but in person she is cerebral, somewhat severe, leans toward post-hippie attire and seems perplexed by the rigors of the award circuit. Kathryn Bigelow, 57, is tall, model thin, a one-time art student whose gracious manner belies her proclivity for tense, even violent films – The Hurt Locker is her contender." [Women & Hollywood]
• Stephen Moyer says when he marries Anna Paquin his dog "Splash, my alpha, will be the ringbearer... My son [Billy, born in 2000] might be unhappy about that." [People]
• Gerard Butler says of his Ugly Truth co-star Katherine Heigl adopting, "She will be an amazing mom... She's incredibly responsible, smart and loving. This is a huge deal for her and she's going to take to it like a duck to water." [People]
• Last night Leonard Cohen performed in Israel for the first time in 30 years. Some Palestinian activists were calling for a boycott of the show. His manager said, "There are a lot of people who don't want us here, and anything done here invites controversy, but we believe freedom of speech is very, very important." [AP]
• Mary J. Blige, who has an adult daughter and two step-children says, "I don't think I'll do foster care or adopt, to be quite honest," at a New York event honoring her for her work with New Yorkers for Children. "I barely have time for my own children. To adopt more children and not have time for them, that [would be] poor parenting on my [part]." [People]
• Drew Barrymore says of her mother, "I believe she will see the film [Whip It]. I believe she does feel pride in me. I used to pull a lot emotionally from all the stuff with my family, but I did not do this movie to cleanse myself of the mother/daughter debacle that happened in my life. I have been much more objective about my childhood and my relationship with my mother in these last few years. I used to be more attached to all that. I won't deny that the baggage was there at one point." [Just Jared]
• "Some days I want nothing more than a brilliant mask so I could look like someone else and go wander the streets and be free," says Drew Barrymore. "I'm very peeved that Halloween only comes once a year." [CNN]
• Rich Sommer, who plays Harry Crane on Mad Men says of last week's episode [spoilers ahead], "When I got the script, I read that foot scene, and I thought it was kind of crazy, and I couldn't really see how it fit in. So I was surprised at how well the episode turned out. I was a little nervous about that scene. For the past few weeks, the writers and the editors have been saying, 'Oh my God, just wait until the lawnmower episode - it's unbelievable! It's unbelievable, it's a great episode,' and I was just like, "Oh, great! Good.' And then I saw it and I was like, "Wow! It is a really good episode." [N.Y. Magazine]

• Oh Christ: Jennifer Aniston "burst into tears in her trailer" while filming in New York.

The "unlucky-in-love actress" was late coming out of her trailer while filming The Bounty a few weeks ago, and allegedly tearfully said to an assistant: "I need a moment. This scene reminds me of Brad and me." A source says: "While she enjoyed flirting with Gerard on set and put a brave face on every day, privately she is still very fragile." Eyeroll! (Note: Her rep says this story is "ridiculous… it never happened.") [Page Six]

• By the by, Jennifer Aniston went to see Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig in A Steady Rain on Broadway on Tuesday. [Gatecrasher]
• Samantha Burke, who had a dalliance with Jude Law, gave birth yesterday in Florida. [Page Six]
• What the what? Renée Zellweger is not going to gain a bunch of weight for the third Bridget Jones flick? A source says she will wear a fat suit, out of concern about the health effects of quickly putting and then losing 30 lbs. [MSNBC]
• Katherine Heigl made the news of her adoption public the same day Ellen Pompeo gave birth to a daughter of her own, and a source says: "It looks like they were trying to one-up one another." There's something very Penelope about this: "Well my kid was born earlier than yours, and is already at Harvard, so…" [Page Six]
• John Travolta took the stand yesterday, admitting that his son Jett was autistic and suffered from a seizure disorder — having seizures every five to 10 days. [MSNBC]
• Travolta also said that the ambulance took 40 minutes to reach his son, and by the time his son got to the emergency room, he was not alive. [NY Post]
• The alleged extortionists in the John Travolta case have been caught on video haggling over money; their lawyers will try to get the videotape thrown out of court on the grounds it was illegally recorded. [TMZ]
• Lily Allen: Quitting the music biz. She blogged: "Just so you know, I have not renegotiated my record contract and have no plans to make another record (applause). I do however remain a fan of new music, so this is not some selfish crusade. The days of me making money from recording music has been and gone as far as I'm concerned, so I don't (at this point) stand to profit from legislation… If you can't sell your music, you can't go on. It's that simple." [Digital Spy]
• Lily Allen will concentrate on acting; she will be in a production of Neil LaBute's play Reasons To Be Pretty in London's West End. [Daily Mail]
• Photos of Kelly Bensimon will be in Playboy. A source says: "Kelly is telling everyone that she might be on the cover." The snaps were taken years ago by Kelly's ex, Gilles Bensimon, but a source says: "They're sexy, but they won't set the world on fire." [Page Six]
• Mackenzie Phillips has revealed shocking details of her relationship with her father, and John Phillips' ex wife, Michelle Phillips (who was in the Mamas & The Papas), says: "Mackenzie has a lot of mental illness. She's had a needle stuck up her arm for 35 years. She was arrested for heroin and coke just recently… The whole thing is timed. Mackenzie is jealous of her siblings, who have accomplished a lot and did not become drug addicts." But Michelle Phillips daughter, Chynna Phillips, who is Mackenzie's half sister, says: "After long nights of heroin use, (Mackenzie is) claiming that she once woke up and that my father was on top of her having sex with her. Was he actually raping her? I don't know. Do I believe that they had an incestuous relationship and that it went on for 10 years? Yes." [MSNBC]
• Christina Aguilera recently traveled to Guatemala with the World Food Programme to see the impact of hunger; . Guatemala has the fourth highest child malnutrition rate in the world. Christina says: "WFP urgently needs donations to keep feeding some 150,000  women and undernourished children – I want to raise awareness and open people's eyes so they can get the funds they need to keep on working… One of the biggest lessons I'm taking away from this trip is the importance of healthy food. If a child under two doesn't get the nutrients they need, we can never fix the damage later on." [WFP]
• Kirsten Dunst will testify today against a man accused of burglarizing her hotel room. [NY Daily News]
• Kanye West is being prosecuted for breaking a paparazzi's camera at LAX last September; last Friday, his lawyer went to the judge and pushed back the hearing until late October. Is he still trying to keep a low profile? [TMZ]
• Hmm: Kanye West has posted a video promoting his "Fame Kills" tour with Lady Gaga. So maybe the tour is on after all. [KanyeUniverseCity]
• "First new Michael Jackson song set for release; posthumous single 'This Is It' to hit airwaves" [Gatecrasher]
• Macy Gray was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars and was too distraught to go on Jimmy Kimmel Live afterward, like most eliminated contestants do. Her partner, Jonathan Roberts says: "She put her whole heart into the show. She feels like she let her fans down." [ET]
• Real NYU students find Gossip Girl's version of NYU laughable. [NY Post]
• Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan: Still on. [Page Six]
• Eva Longoria Parker says she wants to go back to school and enroll in a master's program in Chicano studies and political science to learn more about her Mexican roots. She's a Texas native, but her family is originally from the northern Mexican city of Monterrey. [AP]
• In the Anna Nicole Smith case, search warrant affidavits suggest Howard K. Stern put his name on prescriptions for drugs that were given to Smith, and claim that a total of 44 different medications were prescribed for Smith under a number of other names, including Stern's. [NY Post]
• Remember how Suzanne Somers said that Patrick Swayze should have fought his cancer "nutritionally"? Whoopi Goldberg didn't like that, and says: "Patrick did everything and went everywhere to try and stay healthy as long as he could. That he's been gone a week and this statement came out is bad timing and bad taste and Suzanne, you should know better." Now Suzanne says: "In a casual conversation at a private party (with someone who never identified himself as a reporter) at the Toronto Film Festival last week, I was asked about this beloved actor. It was never my intention to make an official statement about his passing. I was not informed or aware I was being interviewed. I would never have been so insensitive as to offer a public statement so close to his untimely passing. I sincerely apologize if my comment has caused any additional pain to his family during this difficult time. I send my deepest condolences for their loss." [Perez]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Jennifer Jason Leigh is pregnant; she and director husband Noah Baumbach (The Squid and the Whale) are expecting a baby in March. [ONTD via National Enquirer]
• Michael Moore stirred up trouble on Good Morning America yesterday, exposing the stripped rights of permalancers. [NY Post]
• Survivor winner Richard Hatch was denied his request to serve the remaining weeks of his sentence for tax evasion in home confinement. He'll have to stay in jail. [USA Today]
• "Phyllida Law, mother of the actress Emma Thompson, has had her stolen gargoyles returned two years after they were stolen after announcing she had put a curse on the thieves." [Telegraph]
• Q: How traumatic is it for you to not be wearing tights and poofy britches?
  A: "It's very easy. I do miss sliding off the back of a horse, but apart from that it's all good. It's actually rather wonderful running around, blazing a Glock on my hip." — Joseph Fiennes on his new show, FlashForward. [Washington Post]
• "I'm a bit scared of being single and scared of getting into another relationship, but I'm married to my work right now." — Natalie Imbruglia, who split from husband Daniel Johns in January 2008. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I took a couple years off and, during that time, I felt like I wanted to know what was important to me, what I really loved and what I was interested in. And if I even wanted to make films anymore. I felt I had done what I had to do. I contemplated being a hermit. I went to a distant mountain top that you could only walk to. No electricity. No water. I spent about five days there and thought, 'This is fantastic. Maybe I am a hermit.' " — Jane Campion, on life after her 2003 film In The Cut, which critics panned. [USA Today]
• "Once I got the part, I did some work with a coach. Everybody else in the show is doing a modern Southern accent and I wanted something old-fashioned. There are no contractions. Bill never says can't or won't. It's always, 'I did not want you to do that,' which is funny because you then find yourself doing it in everyday life, saying things like, 'I cannot stand pains aux raisins.'" — Stephen Moyer on his True Blood character. [Telegraph]
• "I am fine — happy and healthy. It's irresponsible when people obsess about my shape and size. I appreciate there are young girls and women who look at me as a role model and it is untrue to say I do not eat and I am unhealthy. 'I have a healthy diet, a healthy lifestyle and plenty of energy to run after my three energetic boys and travel the world managing my fashion business." — Victoria Beckham. [Daily Mail]
• "We did have a few moments of friction when we were tired or after a long day of shooting. [Jennifer Grey] seemed particularly emotional, sometimes bursting into tears if someone criticized her. Other times, she slipped into silly moods, forcing us to do scenes over and over again when she'd start laughing. I was on overdrive for the whole shoot - staying up all night to do rewrites, squeezing in dance rehearsals, shooting various scenes - and was exhausted a lot of the time. I didn't have a whole lot of patience for doing multiple retakes. It was horrifyingly, hypothermically cold in that lake, and we filmed that scene over and over. And despite the fact that Jennifer was very light, when you're lifting someone in water, even the skinniest little girl can feel like 500 pounds." — Memories of making Dirty Dancing, from Patrick Swayze's memoir. [Gatecrasher]

• One of Jessica Simpson's "friends" claims she's at her lowest point ever after losing her dog because, "Daisy was her baby... It's going to put her into a tailspin. It will put her into the worst place ever."

• Tabloid editors must be salivating over her losing her dog, as they usually claim that heartache makes Jess eat and never tire of critiquing her weight. [People]
• Amy Winehouse has launched her own record label, Lioness Records. According to a statement on her website, "Amy wanted to create a label where she could sign and work closely with a small roster of artists she really believed in. The first release on the new imprint will be "Introducing Dionne Bromfield", the debut album from thirteen year old Londoner Dionne Bromfield." [AmyWinehouse.com]
• Khloé Kardashian and Lamar Odom, who met over the summer and got engaged last week, will get married on Sunday, according to sources. [E!]
• Kate Gosselin taped her new talk show Mom Logic over the weekend. A source familiar with the taping says, "It went extremely well. Everyone there loved it. And Kate did great. There's no question that she was a hit." [Radar Online]
• At the Southern Women's Show in Charlotte, North Carolina, Kate Gosselin said, "I miss Jon, the Jon I used to know." She also confirmed that she's filming a talk show, saying, "I've been given the gift of gab, so why not use it?" [People]
• Paramedics were called and David Hasselhoff was taken to the hospital yesterday after his daughter Hayley called her mom and said he'd been drinking. Hasselhoff's reps say he was just taking Antivert for an ear infection, which mixed with Antabuse, a drug that prevents alcoholics from drinking, and made him feel ill. [TMZ]
• David Hasselhoff's lawyer says, "He lost his equilibrium and it left him dizzy. This was not an alcohol relapse. David was taken to Encino Hospital on Sunday and released within the hour. He's fine now and looking forward to doing his jury duty this week." [People]
• More This Is It concert/movie footage has been released — does Michael Jackson "wobble" during one of the dances in the video at the link?. [TMZ]
• Archway Amusements bought the Ferris wheel from Neverland Ranch when it was auctioned last year because they needed a new one, not because it belonged Michael Jackson."We ourselves really didn't advertise it," said Theresa Noerper, the company's co-owner. "When he died, it kind of blew up. There's no keeping secrets then." It's currently touring the Midwest. [AP]
• Harrison Ford wrote an article on The Huffington Post urging people to join Team Earth, which is "teaming up with the Prince's Rainforest Project to call for swift action and funding to reduce tropical deforestation — and create incentives for a new approach to environmentally friendly economic development." [Huffington Post]
• Mandy Moore wrote an article for The Huffington Post about her trip to Sudan as an ambassador for the child survival program Five & Alive. She says: "My experience in Sudan has convinced me that solutions do exist, and the people most in need are eager to be part of them. There are simple and cost-effective tools out there that can help people living in the poorest communities in the world, and my role is to talk about those solutions, encouraging support and involvement." [Huffington Post]
• Kara DioGuardi on adding Ellen DeGeneres as an American Idol judge: "I think it's a genius decision... I wish I had thought of it." [People]
• Tori Amos' holiday album Midwinter Graces will come out on November 10. [Billboard.com]
• Jay-Z joined Coldplay onstage at Wembley on Friday and gave Chris Martin a bear hug. An onlooker said: "It was a strange moment, Everyone went wild when Jay Z joined the boys on stage but seeing him grab Chris away from the piano and on to the floor was a bit weird to say the least." [Ok]
• Lady Gaga and Kings of Leon lead the nominations for the MTV Europe Music Awards with five each. [Reuters]
• In the video at the link, Mariska Hargitay says of the new season of Law and Order: =SVU, "A lot of making out this year... [our executive producer said,] this is the year. If we don't make out once per episode they're not even going to air it." [Entertainment Weekly]
• When asked about what she thought of the Eric Dane/Rebecca Gayheart nude tape, Chandra Wilson said, "My whole maternal thing comes out and I just [want to] take care of my baby. That's it." [Access Hollywood]
• Yet another Dancing With the Stars contestant is injured. Mya Tweeted: "Went 2 the hospital late last night 2 get stitches . Deep cut from glass. Only caught 2hours of sleep but feel great. Must be adrenaline." She added later that it was just a cut on her finger and she'll be fine. [TMZ]
• John Krasinski says of his engagement to Emily Blunt, "She's a wonderful girl. Someone had to do it...it was a tough gig, but somebody had to do it... So many people are angry at me." [Us]
• Serena Williams has signed an endorsement deal with Tampax and will appear in print and TV ads with the company's Mother Nature character. [Brandweek]
• Alec Baldwin says he wants Paul McCartney to guest star on 30 Rock and, "We're working on it." His daughter Ireland says she'd rather see Robert Pattinson on the show. [People]
• Christina Aguilera says while growing up with her abusive father, "I witnessed a lot of unpleasant things - a lot of pushing and shoving and fighting and quarrelling. Growing up I did not feel safe. Feeling powerless is the worst feeling in the world. I turned to singing as an outlet. The pain at home is where my love for music came from." [Contact Music]
• Dave Matthews says he agrees with President Carter that a lot of the animosity toward President Obama is race related: "Of course it is! I found there's a fairly blatant racism in America that's already there, and I don't think I noticed it when I lived here as a kid. But when I went back to South Africa, and then it's sort of thrust in your face, and then came back here — I just see it everywhere. There's a good population of people in this country that are terrified of the president only because he's black, even if they don't say it. And I think a lot of them, behind closed doors, do say it." [CNN]
• Jeff Foxworthy says, "I had kind of resigned myself to the fact that that was what I was going to be the rest of my life. If I pulled into a gas station, somebody would go, 'Hey! You might be a redneck!' But for the last three years if I'm in the grocery store, invariably, 10 people will walk past me and go, "I'm not smarter than a fifth grader." And I'd say, "Well I'm not either." [Time]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal says of filming Nanny McPhee and the Big Band, "It's funny because in the movie I have an English accent and sometimes I keep it going... Peter and I were saying that we are going home and we are going to say little English things and our friends are going to think we are super pretentious!" [Telegraph]
• True Blood's Ryan Kwanten was the last to realize his co-stars Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer were in a relationship. "I'm always the last to know. My ear is not very close to the ground," he said. "Stephen actually had to come up to me and tell me. He said, 'Ryan I know you're not really up with the gossip side of things. but before you hear from anyone else, we've been dating for the last 10 months.'" [People]

• Courtney Love "went nuts" when a guest at a party opened an unlocked bathroom and saw her on the toilet with her skirt around her ankles.

Apparently she launched herself at the dude, and though people tried to calm her down, a security guy told the man: "It's best you get away as fast as possible." [Page Six]

• Backstage at the Emmys, Paramedics were called for Kristin Chenoweth, who complained of a migraine headache and then said she couldn't open her eyes. [Access Hollywood]
• More backstage Emmys drama: A fight between Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Karina Smirnoff got "kind of loud." Apparently they were "screaming at each other"after he said she took too long in hair and makeup. [E!]
• Mad Men and 30 Rock were big winners at the Emmys last night. [NY Daily News]
• Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs won the weekend box office; Jennifer Aniston's Love Happens came in fourth — one of her worst openings in years — and Jennifer's Body placed fifth. [Ny Daily News]
• "Mr. T's Chance of Meatballs character fits him to a T." [USA Today]
• Kate Gosselin taped her Mom Logic TV show pilot over the weekend, and even though guests Mel B and Christie Brinkley were nixed, a source says the taping "went extremely well" and "Kate did great." [Radar]
• Congrats! Zooey Deschanel married Death Cab For Cutie singer Ben Gibbard Saturday night near Seattle. [People]
• Did you know that Susan Sarandon has been a member of a Ping-Pong society for years? [NY Magazine]
• From a profile on Madonna: "Scented Christian Dior candles fill the air in a space so dimly lit, it seems both slightly theatrical and quasi-religious. A huge telephone with multiple extensions bears labels such as M study, M dressing room, M bathroom, Laundry, Music Room, Kitchen, Mews." And: "A lot of people are just really confused by me… They don't know what to think of me, so they try to compartmentalize me or diminish me. Maybe they just feel unsafe. But any time you have an overtly emotional or irrational, negative reaction to something, you're fearing something that it's bringing up in you." [Times Of London]
• Paula Abdul almost refused to co-present with Kathy Griffin at the VH1 Divas concert because of all the insulting jokes Kathy had made. [Gatecrasher]
• Amy Winehouse was leaving a nightclub recently when a passerby shouted "Oi Amy, where's your crack pipe?" [The Sun]
• Heidi Klum and Seal can't decide on a name for the baby girl they are expecting. Seal says: "It has been the topic of debate for the last month. We can't quite figure it out. I'm a firm believer that she will pop out and will tell us what she wants to be called." [Mirror]
• Charlize Theron's nude scene in The Burning Plain — in which she smokes a cigarette while standing at a window in full view of passersby in Portland, OR — was shot at 6 a.m. to avoid paparazzi. [Page Six]
• Oprah had a block party in Chicago and paid more than $54,000 for city services. [Ny Post]
• Joy Behar would love to get Sarah Palin on her new show on HLN and talk to her about the "real America." "It's insulting to men like my father, who fought in World War II, whom she doesn't think are real Americans because we don't agree with her." Joy also says: "Look, it's not that I'm contentious; I'm uncompromising. I'm friendly, but I can't let things go unchallenged. And I intend to give my opinions quite profusely. I might even have to interrupt myself." [New York Magazine]
• New couple? Kid Cudi and Amanda Bynes??? [Gatecrasher]
• They're saying Mischa Barton's a mess in the morning and needs someone to "fix" her coffee, but who isn't and who doesn't? [Page Six]
• So what is up with that Taylor Momsen record contract that allows her singing on Gossip Girl and the "Runaways Project"? She's not in the Runaways movie! Was she was supposed to get Dakota Fanning's part? Or does she have a secret cameo? [TMZ]
• Beth Ditto has banned her girlfriend from touring with her: "[It's] not because I don't think she can handle it, but because that's my life. Say what you want about me. Say it to my face, say it behind my back, write it on the fucking bathroom mirror, I don't care. But do not talk about the people I love. I will lose my mind." [NME]
• An ambulance was called to David Hasselhoff's house yesterday; apparently his 17-year-old daughter, who was home with him, called her mother, saying that David was extremely drunk. A friend of Pamela's called 911. [TMZ, TMZ]
• January Jones, aka Mad Men's Betty Draper, has purchased a lovely home in the Los Feliz neighborhood of L.A., and you can see the pix at the link. [The Real Estalker]
• The Guinness World Records board has refused to let the White Stripes into their record book for playing a one-note concert, due to insufficient interest. Twelve hundred people showed up to a gig in Canada where Jack White played an E. [Mirror]
• Stephen Moyer on his engagement to Anna Paquin: "It was very intimate and quite surprising for her, I think, and we were by ourselves at dinner in Hawaii and...I surprised her. But it was something that surprised me probably more than it surprised her." He also says: "She is very funny and very frank and very direct and beautiful… She doesn't take any of my nonsense." [E!]
• David Arquette and Ben Harper have a clothing line called Propr, and Arquette says: ""We love the idea of chivalry and going in an old-school barber… There's a quality that's in the finer details, like they really thought it out a step further." More from "A Night Out" with the duo at the link. [NY Times]
• Ryan O'Neal visited Farrah Fawcett's grave after their son, Redmond, was ordered to leave jail and go to rehab for a year. [Daily Mail, USA Today]
• Nicole's sister Antonia Kidman is engaged to Singapore-based banker Craig Marran. [News.com.au]
• Terry Gilliam got Johnny Depp to tango for The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus even though Johnny allegedly said "Men don't dance." [Mirror]
• Oy: Sacha Baron Cohen will play an Israeli tour guide on The Simpsons. [UPI]
• From a piece on John Malkovich's new film, Disgrace, set in post-apartheid South Africa: "[Malkovich's character] Lurie appears the virtual embodiment of white male arrogance, an English professor who views himself through the prism of Romantic poetry and who pursues an exploitive, obsessive affair with a much younger, mixed-race student. You can't say that he rapes her, but the issue of consent between an inexperienced young woman and a practiced seducer — one with direct power over her academic future — is complicated, to say the least." [Salon]
• Will Diddy switch record labels? [Page Six]
• Scott Weiland had a seizure on a plane while en route from Los Angeles to Florida, causing the plane to land in Dallas-Fort Worth; he is "doing great" now. [E!]
• Larry King hates frivolous lawsuits. [TMZ]
• John Travolta may be a witness at the trial for two people accused of trying to extort $25 million from him after his son died in the Bahamas. [AP]
• John Travolta says if he is called to testify, he will do so. [ET]
• Sources say John Travolta's testimony will be dramatic and emotional. [TMZ]
• Ozzy Osbourne's new memoir describes appearing on the MTV show The Osbournes as "terrifying" and like being "strapped to a rocket and being blasted through the stratosphere at warp factor ten." [Mirror]
• Leonard Cohen is recovering after collapsing on stage during a show in Spain; he reportedly had food poisoning. [UPI]
• James Blunt is accusing internet service providers of "handling stolen goods" by allowing file sharing and illegal downloads. [Telegraph]
• Anoushka Shankar, Ravi Shankar's daughter, had been the victim of a blackmail plot; an arrest has been made. [Independent]
• District 9 is not welcome in Nigeria. [NY Post]
• "Frustrated cops probing Jordan's claim to have been raped by a celebrity said yesterday they could do no more unless she co-operates." [The Sun]
• "You're not going to be successful. You're not going to be millionaires (with the exception of MAYBE Kris and Adam). No one will care about you. Those fans who've been asking for your autograph all tour long - 98 percent of them don't give a flying poo about you once next season of Idol starts. In other words, your days of being a star are over. But that's all right - so are mine… The music business, for the most part, will treat you like an outsider… You are just a game show contestant who still needs to prove why you should be here. Move to a music city. L.A., New York or Nashville Leave home and live WAY below your means." — Chris Sligh, former American Idol contestant, to other Idol singers, on his blog. [NY Post]
• "I was never in the high, high fashion industry. I was never one of those superskinny, supertall waif girls who goes from show to show. When you do more commercial things, your weight is allowed to fluctuate a bit. Not every inch counts. It's hard for the girls. How old are they? Fifteen, 16? Some girls are naturally thin and can eat whatever they want. When I was 15, 16, there was not one ounce of fat on me, but some other girls have to work hard to stay like that. But the rules are not made by the models. To be part of this, they have to be the size the designer wants them to be. I'm not that skinny, and I never was, but I can pretty much eat whatever I want." — Heidi Klum. [Page Six Magazine]
• "My dream was always to work in a candy store. It was because of my obsession with candy; I don't have it any more, now that my teeth are all rotten. I did go to a university for a year, as shocking as that might sound to people, and there was a candy shop that I used to go to all the time, an old-fashioned one where all the candy was in these big glass jars. I used to go in there and look at all the candy and think, ‘God, it would be really cool to work in here; I could have candy whenever I wanted.' So I did want the keys to the candy store, but I had different keys." —Madonna. [Times of London]
• "At first, I didn't know whether I'd be healthy enough to film a full season of an action-packed drama series. But soon I realized there was nothing I wanted to do more. We got in touch with the network to let them know about my diagnosis and I sent this message: 'Don't count me out. I can do this.' All I could think was: 'If I'm going out, I'd rather go out on a high note, doing quality work I believe in.'" — From Patrick Swayze's memoir, on doing The Beast with a cancer diagnosis. [Daily Mail]
• "We need to be the example of respect, of tolerance, and just how to be civil, can we do that? Even though I didn't win the crown that night I know that the Lord has so much of a bigger crown in heaven for me. I never asked to be thrown into politics… but you know what, I'm proud of the stance that I took and I'm glad that God upheld me for such a time as this." — Carrie Prejean. [NY Daily News]
• "Forget about playing Tony Blair. When I told her I was definitely playing vampire Aro in Twilight, she cried. She was so overwhelmed and annoyed that I muscled in on something that was hers. She's already told me she'll be my date for the premiere." — Michael Sheen's 10-year-old daughter, Lily is excited about his career for once. [Page Six]

Sookie was discovering, with the help of nutty bride Maryann, that she might not even be human. Sookie is at her best when she is strong; "What the fuck are you?" is the kind of stuff she should be asking more often.

Zombie Layfayette was discovering that he likes being a bridesmaid.

Hoyt's mama was discovering that being a crazy black-eyed zombie is a whole lotta fun.

Question: if a demon forced you to be her maid of honor, would you lick the egg?

Queen Sophie-Anne was also dropping hints about Sookie's non-human qualities; there's definitely something going on that's making her attractive to vampires. And those of us who have not read the books are left wondering why the Queen has Eric selling blood for her, and what Sookie's cousin Hadley has to do with anything.

The wedding seemed to be, in part, a send-up of "Bridezilla" clichés, only more gory. Lafayette saying "Worship him, bitches!" ought to be a ringtone.

Like many nuptials where the ceremony is a bigger deal than the relationship between the bride and the groom, the wedding turned out to be BULL.

And Maryann turned into a Corpse Bride.

To be honest, I am glad to be done with her. It was interesting to see the town in the grips of blind faith, and there were many metaphors there — the black-eyed masses doing things without even knowing why could be applied to politics, religion, race issues, etc. In addition, the idea that because of Maryann, these people — who usually kept things like sex, drinking and hate undercover — were letting it all hang out was also a nod to the '60s counter-culture and sex clubs and the concept of freedom. That said: Happy to move on.

Sam's self-discovery had many different levels. He sacrificed himself for the town; allowed his nemesis Bill to save him; but was also mourning the loss of Daphne, the only one like him he's ever known. At one point during the episode, he said to Bill, "It took me this long to realize that you suffer in life more hiding something than you do if you face it," which is probably one of the lessons Sookie will have to learn as well, what with her telepathy and non-human powers. In any case, Sam looked up his adoptive mom, who apologized to him, and his adoptive father — on his deathbed — gave Sam some info on how to find his "real" parents. (Question: Does Sam have more powers, now that he's drunk Bill's blood?)

Eggs' self-discovery had the gravest consequences. He basically begged Sookie to help him remember what he'd done, but living with the knowledge that he'd been Maryann's assassin proved too much for him to take. Personally, I didn't like the way he died. I didn't like that it was Jason's fault, and I didn't like Andy covering up for Jason. The whole thing rubbed me the wrong way. I am glad that Andy is back on the police force, and that the sheriff has newfound respect for him. (He said: "You might have your faults, Andy, but at least you've got your pants on.")

Jessica The Teen Vamp's truck stop attack: WTF.

Lastly, Bill proposed to Sookie, throwing in plane tickets to Vermont, keeping up the vampires-are-like-gays analogy. Instead of immediately saying yes, Sookie was filled with questions and doubts, and this Sookie — the one who uses her heart and her mind is the one that makes the show more interesting. Since Bill's apparently been kidnapped, we'll be waiting a while to see how all this self-discovery plays out.

Overall, I'm not sure I liked this season as much as the first. While this finale was big and noisy, it lacked emotional depth, for me. The major plots this season: The Fellowship of The Sun and Maryann — meant that storyline, for the most part, revolved around non-vampires doing non-vampire things. Eric makes an excellent baddie. Lafayette needs more screen time. Hoyt and Jessica's relationship was a delight; and Hoyt's mama was a joy to watch, but orgy after orgy? Tedious. Here's hoping that the show focuses on a bloody good plot next season.

• Chris Brown, currently on his National Bow Tie Apology Tour, says he's ready to meet with a counselor: "I want to understand my feelings. I want to find out what really transpired as far as me that night."[People]

• "Sometimes when you're young you don't know how to express [your emotions]," Brown says, "so I think it actually would be helpful to talk to a counselor or to somebody who has an expertise in what those [feelings] are." [People]
• Kim Kardashian is busy planning her sister, Kourtney's baby shower: "
  "The baby is coming," Kim says, "All this stuff is going to take so much time, and it's going to be exciting at the same time." The sisters will no doubt spend most of the party discussing the baby, who will most likely be named Klara or Korin or Kashlee or some such. [People]
• Lori Petty has pled no contest to DUI in connection with a drunken driving arrest from last May and currently has completed 30 days of her court-ordered 60 day outpatient alcohol-treatment program. [TMZ]
• "Scientology is something that's been in my life for 18 years. It's so greatly helped me. Helps me keep the stress down, the happiness up and gives me tools for living a better life. I kind of ignore all the craziness in the press."- Jenna Elfman [LATimes]
• In awesome news: Tim Gunn is set to star in his own Marvel comic book storyline titled "Loaded Gunn," wherein he will fight "crimes against fashion." The comic is part of Marvel's reintroduction of the 60's series "Models, Inc." Maybe he'll use his superpowers to find out whatever happened to Andrae? [AP]
• "We don't target the kind of people who wear money, you know, those that would kill to have the latest designer handbag. We are more for the disenfranchised. We have a punk attitude, I guess."- Boy George on his new clothing line, B-Rude. [People]
• Anna Paquin enjoys working with her boyfriend, Stephen Moyer: "It's great to have the freedom to enjoy your work and not feel like you're leaving your other life behind. It's a pretty sweet setup." [People]
• Susan Boyle's dream appears to be coming true: her album, which doesn't even hit stores until November, is currently #1 on Amazon's best-seller list. [E!]
• Rev. Al Sharpton apparently forgot about the "private" aspect of Michael Jackson's private memorial service and Tweeted his way through the entire ceremony. [E!]
• "We would like to thank all of Michael's loving fans for their tremendous support, and ask that in Michael's memory give of yourself to the charities he believed in, and keep the magic going!"-LaToya Jackson [People]
• Just in case you care: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are totally "hanging out" again. [People]
• "Wonderful. One of the absolute best I've worked with. For me, it's her and Jodie Foster. You just don't get any better than that."-Anthony Hopkins on his The Wolf Man co-star, Emily Blunt. [DailyExpress]
• The Edge was quite embarrassed when he realized that a song he'd written sounded a little too close to the a White Stripes tune: "I went back and listened, and it wasn't exactly (Seven Nation Army), but it was way too close," he says, "I played it for Jack [White], and he was like, 'Mmm, it's a bit close, isn't it?'" [DailyExpress]
• Jack Tweed the widower of British reality star Jade Goody, has been arrested on charges that he raped a 19-year-old woman. [DailyMail]
• Apparently, the new female Saturday Night Live hires were replacements, not additions, as Casey Wilson and Michaela Watkins won't be returning to the show this season. [TheComicsComic]
• Screen legend Gary Cooper will be honored with his own postage stamp. [UPI]
• Mark Wahlberg and wife Rhea Durham who already have three children together, are expecting their fourth. [USWeekly]
• "I, in no way, support the destruction of Israel. I am for the two-state solution. I have been to Israel many times and love the country and its people."-Jane Fonda, in response to accusations by Rabbi Marvin Hier that her signature on a letter stating that Tel Aviv was built on destroyed Palestinian villages is a sign that she supports "the complete destruction of Israel." [TMZ]
• The paparazzi is making life tough for Robert Pattinson: "It's a nightmare," says a source, "He almost never leaves the hotel except to go to the set. And when he does, the crew has to go great lengths to find ways to transport him from one location to another undetected. Because of the paparazzi, Rob has been unable to interact with his many fans." Sleep with one eye open, paparazzi. The Twihards do not take kindly to being blocked from their sparkly vampire dreamboats. [ShowbizSpy]
• "The film should be on airlines in two months and off everyone's resume within three. No animals including the horse were injured making the film, so "Steve" counts as no great crime. Bit it does leave one question: Why did anybody think an attractive female star should wear red boots in every scene of a movie?"-Kirk Honeycutt on the Sandra Bullock.Bradley Cooper film, All About Steve. [Reuters]

"Never underestimate the power of blind faith." Bill was looking for some help in defeating Maryann the Maenad; Queen Sophie Anne was just bored and teasing — but the Truth, as a theme, came up again and again. (Plus, she told Bill the Truth: A maenad can't be killed.)

Just a note: Lafayette with furry handcuffs and a shotgun is someone you want on your side. But while Tara was being held captive, she, also started spilling the Truth: Telling her (formerly drunk) mother that she'd never been a true woman of God.

Jason Stackhouse, in his own misguided way, attempted to deal with the Truth, telling Sam: "Sometimes you need to destroy something to save it. That's in the Bible. Or the Constitution." The question is, are traditional weapons the best way to defeat what's invaded his town?

Here's another Truth: Eric in Tara's mom's dress was freaky, yet awesome. Are Lafayette's hallucinations PTSD, vampire-related, or something else? And why haven't we been able to see his "nasty" and "fantastic" sex dreams about Eric? Boo.

With Bill out of town visiting the Queen, Sookie had to stand up for herself and be strong. Thank the Lord she's not the damsel in distress anymore! She actually threw some kind of kitschy ashtray at Tara's mom; rescuing Lafayette from gunpoint. Plus: She told Lafaytte to shoot Maryann if he had the chance, saying: "I mean it! Shoot her in the head!" This is the kind of Sookie you can root for! Poor Lafayette, he just seemed to have something else on his mind.

More Truth: Hoyt's mama lied about how Hoyt's daddy died. Also, perhaps Hoyt has been lying to himself about what it means to date a vampire; since Jessica bit his mother. And maybe Jessica has been lying to herself about how well she can control her urges. She is a new vampire, after all. And she was a young human when she was turned. The Truth is, she has a lot of growing to do. Another Truth: Actress Dale Raoul really just electrifies the screen playing Hoyt's mama, I just can't stop loving/hating her.

There are plenty of gory, bloody and disgusting moments on this show, what with people chopping off their own fingers and so on, but for some reason, Sookie having to lie on the kitchen floor where her grandmother died with some smelly possessed guy was one of the most disturbing things in the entire episode. A few moments earlier, she'd wondered, "How come there's so much wrong in the world?" She's dating a man who drinks blood; her grandmother was murdered, and Sookie is still disappointed that evil lurks. The truth hurts. Of course, elsewhere in her wold, Sam was making a deal with Eric and Sookie's boyfriend was turning down sex with a Latvian boy. Plus, Jason was saying: "This town might be full of crazy rednecks and dumbasses, but they're still Americans." Some good deeds to balance out the bad.

Toward the end of the episode, Bill was fed up with playing Queen Sophie Anne's games and she told him the Truth: the "God Who Comes" never actually comes. "Gods only exist in humans minds like money and morality," she explained. Something an immortal would say.

Lastly: What the hell is this? Is Lafayette making a big omelette dinner? The truth, please!!!

Earlier: True Blood: "She Wants To Cut Out My Heart While A Bunch Of Naked People Watch"
True Blood: Sookie's Dreamy Nightmare
True Blood: The Church Showdown & The Perma-Virgin

• Gerard Butler had to shoot a wedding photograph with Jennifer Aniston as a prop for their characters in The Bounty. Gerard says:

"It was quite romantic. We were joking about it: 'We might as well make this real. Keep everybody happy.'" As Gerard slipped the ring on Jen's finger, his phone rang. It was his mother. "I have to call you back. I'm getting married," Butler deadpanned — on speakerphone, so the crew could hear. "She goes, 'What?' " Butler clarified: " 'I'm marrying Jennifer Aniston!' and she's like: 'Oh, good. Well, I'm glad you made the right choice.'" [USA Today]

• Lindsay Lohan feels "scared" and "violated" after the break in at her Hollywood Hills home. She Tweeted: "I know it was not a ROBBERY. electronics weren't taken... just things that a certain old friend knew meant a lot to me. It really makes me sad, and well, obviously-scared. :( and I'm sorry i haven't been on in a bit... my life has been kind of in shambles considering my house was broken into and i feel really violated." [The Sun]
• Uh-oh: The "real reason" Lindsay is upset about someone stealing the safe from her house? She had some "very incriminating" videos, photos and legal documents inside. Will they go public? [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Oh Lord. Britney Spears is "still madly in love" with Adnan Ghalib, the paparazzo she dated for a few months early last year. Notes this column: "The pap-turned-celebrity-by-association was later charged with assault, hit-and-run and battery stemming from an incident in which he allegedly attempted to run over a court official who was trying to serve a restraining order on him." A catch! [Fox News]
• Britney has been catching shows while in New York: Wicked and The Little Mermaid, for instance. But her lawyer Larry Rudolph is with her, not alleged boyfriend/manager Jason Trawick. What does it mean? [Page Six]
• MSNBC Scoop columnist Courtney Hazlett went to the Britney Spears concert in NYC and reports: "When Spears wasn't changing from one fabric swatch to another, her time onstage could be summed up in one word: walking. There was walking from one side of the stage to the other. There was walking from one backup dancer so she could be flung toward another. Sometimes you could find Spears walking to a cage, entering and having another person push it, so the cage could do the walking for her." [MSNBC Scoop]
• The 53-year-old man charged with stalking Miley Cyrus told an investigator he planned on visiting her movie set and "finishing things." [AP]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin are accusing each other of financial deception. Prediction: It will get uglier than an Ed Hardy T-shirt. [Radar Online]
• The real reason Kate called the cops on Jon recently? She heard Jon was going out drinking and leaving the kids with babysitter Stephanie Santoro. [Radar Online]
• Jon was spotted wearing a shirt with the words "Lies lies lies lies." [Gatecrasher]
• On August 13, Jon and Kate's plus 8 — the children — staged a rebellion, refusing to be videotaped for the show. "The kids staged a sit-in — a revolt," Jon tells Life & Style. "They didn't want to work." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Now it comes out: Documents released by the court show that Chris Brown and Rihanna had a history of violence. She had slapped him during an argument three months before the February incident in which he assaulted her; his response was to shove her into a wall. A second fight, in January, involved an argument inside of an SUV in Barbados. Chris Brown "exited and broke the front driver and passenger side windows of the car. No one was injured during the incident." [People, TMZ]
• Before Chris Brown was sentenced, his record label CEO, a lawyer who has worked with Oprah and Brown's pastor all wrote letters to the judge. [TMZ]
• Chris Brown has been "depressed" since the assault on Rihanna. [TMZ]
• Court documents also show that in June, Chris Brown said that he was "ashamed and embarrassed" about the Rihanna beating. He wanted to plead guilty, but his lawyer, Mark Geragos, would not let him. Brown also told probation officers that he wanted to attend domestic violence counseling and "do it right." [TMZ]
• An official transcript of the incident between Chris and Rihanna is at the link; it is detailed and disturbing. Just a snippet: "As he drove, he continued to punch the victim in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand…
  [Brown] looked at [Rihanna] and said 'I'm going to beat the shit out of you when we get home! You wait and see!'" [TMZ]
• Kari Ann Peniche, whom you may have seen topless in Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane's nude video, says that she is a sex addict but not a madam. She says her hard drive has pictures of reputed madams because she once wrote a college paper about prostitution. She also says: "My biggest concern is my family. My brother is saying he wants to change his last name now. He goes, 'You're not my sister anymore.'" [E!]
• Six words: Neal Patrick Harris on American Idol. [Gatecrasher]
• Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer got together during the pilot of True Blood, but kept it very quiet. Costar Carrie Preston says: "They were very cool and professional about it." [People]
• John Mayer and Taylor Swift will be making music together, and that is not a euphemism. [Gatecrasher]
• Beyoncé has been named Billboard's Woman of The Year. [AP]
• Paula Abdul has gotten the boot from Ugly Betty "over her outrageous demands" — including a private jet. This report claims she will host a VH1 show called Divas instead and Kristen Johnston will take Paula's part on Ugly Betty. [The Sun]
• Danielle Staub from Real Housewives Of New Jersey needs a cover shot for her upcoming memoir, and is trying to get photographers to take a picture of her for free. A source says, "It's embarrasing and tacky!" [Gatecraasher]
• A "skripper" pal of Amber Rose claims that she got illegal injections from a "hood doctor" to make her butt bigger. [Media Takeout]
• Chelsea Handler and her boyfriend have broken up. But as you may know, her boyfriend is Ted Harbert, CEO of Comcast, aka her boss. He's moved out of the house and into a hotel. [Gatecrasher]
• Joe Francis is facing a criminal trial, and his defense team will try to legitimize Joe by linking the Girls Gone Wild mastermind to stars like Jennifer Aniston, Vince Vaughn and Jack Nicholson. Too bad Jen's name is misspelled in the presentation slide. [The Smoking Gun]
• Curious about Martina Navratilova's love life? Want to see the word "galimony" used in a sentence? Click the link! [Page Six]
• A&E is planning a reality series about the Jackson brothers. The network had already ordered a show before Michael Jackson died, but now the series will be expanded and focus on the band as they reunite as brothers — "underneath a cloud of tragedy." [NY Times]
• Comedy Central has been doing research on its fans and finds that viewers say that "people think I'm cool because I watch" Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. [NY Times]
• Drag performer Erickatoure Aviance went to a taping of the Wendy Williams show, but was told that she could not appear on camera or ask any questions because she was "in violation of the no-costumes dress code." Aviance said: "This is not a costume." And someone connected with the show said: "Well, it's a costume to us. We don't want the show to turn into Let's Make a Deal, where everyone comes in crazy costumes." Aviance was stunned: "So you're comparing me to a man in a gorilla suit?" Aviance notes: "I was wearing a ponytail piece and a bang piece. It was much less hair than Wendy was wearing and, p.s., much less hair than any of the other black women in the audience." Now Lonnie Burstein, the VP of the company behind the show, has issued an apology to Aviance and to GLAAD. [Advocate, Advocate]
• Susan Sarandon: Joining the cast of Oliver Stone's Wall Street 2: Electric Boogaloo. [Variety]
• Redmond O'Neal, son of Farrah Fawcett, has signed a reality show deal — brokered by his dad, Ryan O'Neal — that will chronicle hus strugle with addiction. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "Eddie Cibrian and Wife 'Both Happy'...Now That They're Getting Divorced." [E!]
• The Who's Pete Townshend has written a new musical, Floss, about the aging process. It's like, "Tommy can you hear me? Turn up your hearing aid!" [AP]
• Whatshername's new boyfriend tells her he loves her 50 million times a day, which seems excessive. [Daily Mail]
• "It was exhilaratingly humiliating. But I completely became giddy in a strange way the moment I put on the dress. Vanity quickly set in, and I thought to myself, 'I wish my belly was flatter.' Let's face it, I don't look great in a dress, but it's nice to hear I have nice legs." — Liev Schreiber on playing a transvestite in Taking Woodstock. Click for pic! [People]
• "The Runaways is absolutely not a biopic. It's not fact-for-fact. What they did was basically take elements from the Runaways story and created a parallel narrative. We're hoping it will be great. They exceeded our expectations with the casting. ... Even if it's not a huge movie, it's going to have a colossal effect on young girls playing rock 'n' roll, for sure. Kristen [Stewart] was so into it, into the whole vibe of doing this. I think she felt a weight and a responsibility to interpret it correctly. She was really serious about it and was watching me and asking me all sorts of question, from speech aspects to watching my body language, watching where I stood, watching my guitar playing. She really worked hard to get it right." — Joan Jett. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• "Everything in our movie, it's such a heightened version of reality. People don't just break up [in the films] – they break up and it literally kills you. It's not like you just say, 'Oh, I'm really depressed and crying.' I always had a really hard time figuring out, 'Am I doing enough? Do I look like I'm going to die?' My favorite line in the book is when I have to say to [Jacob], 'It's him; it's always been him!' Yeah, it killed me. It killed me." — New Moon star Kristen Stewart. [People]
• "I do get men trying to pick me up and it's funny because a year ago, when I was dressing like this, with a very avant-garde fashion sense, I think I intimidated men much more. It was funny the other day when I was wearing my cone head and this radio DJ was saying, 'Oh you're so sexy', when the mic was off. I thought, 'I can't believe that after a whole year, they finally think my cone head is sexy." — Lady Gaga. [Mirror]

• Melanie Griffith's rep confirmed that she has checked into a rehab facility saying, "This is part of a routine plan that was designed between her and her doctors years ago." But sources say husband Antonio Banderas demanded she get sober.

• "Melanie's struggling right now, but Antonio has been checking in on her as much as he is allowed, making sure she gets back on her feet. Without Antonio in her life, I honestly believe Melanie would be dead," says the source. [Star]
• A law enforcement official told the Associated Press that the L.A. County coroner has ruled Michael Jackson's death a homicide. The report hasn't been released to the public yet, but forensic tests found that MJ died when propofol mixed with at least two sedatives in his system. It's now even more likely that criminal charges will be filed against Dr. Conrad Murray. [MSNBC]
• According to a search warrant affidavit, Dr. Conrad Murray told the police he had been giving Michael Jackson propofol every night to treat his insomnia. Murray said he only left the room for two minutes to go to the bathroom and when he came back MJ wasn't breathing. [TMZ]
• The law firm that did work for Michael Jackson during his child molestation trial claims the estate still owes them $200,000. [TMZ]
• Katherine Jackson says Michael Jackson would have loved next month's global tribute concert in Vienna. She says, "An event of this dimension not only keeps Michael's spirit alive, more than that: It gives millions of fans the opportunity to experience his music and celebrate the life of my son." [AP]
• In the video at the link Jasmine Fiore's mother and Robert Hasman, the ex she was texting on the night she was murdered, talk about Ryan Jenkins' suicide. Hasman says, "I was happy that Ryan, that he killed himself." [TMZ]
• Though Ryan Jenkins was found dead in a hotel room in Canada yesterday, police are still looking for the women who allegedly drove him to the hotel, checked him in, paid for three days, and left 20 minutes later. [TMZ]
• At the link are pictures of the hotel room where Jenkins was found, which were taken after the room was cleaned. He was hanging from the coat rack but his feet were touching the ground. [TMZ]
• Police say they have identified the woman but won't reveal her identity. The hotel manager says he's "100% sure" it's Paulina Chmielecka, Jenkins' former fiance, but police say it isn't her and her agent says, "There is no way it can be her because on Friday she was doing a fashion show and Saturday she was filming a cooking show... She's grieving the loss of someone she used to love." [TMZ]
• Police say they are investigating whether the woman could face charges of being an accessory after the fact to a border violation and evading police. [AP]
• At V Festival Amy Winehouse said of ex Blake Fielder-Civil, "He's my man." During a magic show Amy held up an ace and said: "You see this ace card right here, this one is for me and Blake - it's our lucky card, he's my man, we can make it, we're so strong together." [The Mirror]
• Brad Pitt's manager says he was misquoted by a German magazine that reported he called Valkyrie "ridiculous." His manager explains, "Brad has never even seen Valkyrie." [UPI]
• OMG, Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler were totally holding hands! "Jen and Gerry went out on Saturday night," says a source,"[they] had cocktails and … They were hand in hand." Does this mean Jen like likes him? [People]
• This latest step in their high school romance makes sense according to another source because "Jennifer won't date a normal guy... She goes after the hottest thing of the moment, what she knows will get her the most time in the spotlight." [Us]
• Britney Spears' ex, Adnan Ghalib, has pled not guilty to hitting a process server who was serving him papers regarding her conservatorship with his car. [TMZ]\
• Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart took a trip on Friday, driving from L.A. to Santa Barbara. An eyewitness said, "Rebecca looked tired and upset." [People]
• "I have cellulite. I admit it," says Cindy Crawford. "Sometimes I just say, 'Screw it, I am going to wear a bikini.'" [People]
• Ugh. An MTV executive says that next season on The Hills, "Heidi and Spencer are entering some interesting new territory of considering parenthood." [People]
• Martina Navratilova is engaged to Russian beauty queen and model Julia Lemigova who was in the news in 2005 when her former lover, Edouard Stern, was murdered by his mistress during sadomasochist sex. [Daily Mail]
• A new Jay-Z song called "Off That" was released this weekend. It includes the lyrics: "Please tell Bill O'Reilly to fall back. Tell Rush Limbaugh to get off my balls. It's 2010, not 1864." [Politico]
• Wanda Sykes says she doesn't regret telling jokes about Rush Limbaugh at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. "I missed the flak because I wasn't even watching television over the next few days. ... But I wouldn't change anything," she says, "I just know a lot of people were in the room, and they were all laughing, so I think there's a little hypocrisy there - people covering their ass." [Politico]
• The View has announced a few more celebrities who will guest host next season while Elisabeth Hasselbeck is on maternity leave, including Meghan McCain, LaToya Jackson, Victoria Beckham, and Kathy Griffin, who apparently isn't banned for life. [The View]
• A&E is being sued over the network's new Steven Seagal reality show because a production company claims the idea was stolen from an idea they pitched for a reality show about Seagal, Chuck Norris, and Jean-Claude Van Damme living together. [TMz]
• Tyra Banks will be in the fourth episode of Gossip Girl this season and will play the late singer and actress Josephine Baker. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Denise Richards says of sending her daughter Sam to school in the fall, "It's bittersweet... Sami starts kindergarten, which I cannot believe, in a couple of weeks. I'm so sad about it." [People]
• "I will always love Chanel and I am completely irrational when it comes to their clothes. I will see a dress and not like it. But then, when I hear it's Chanel, I suddenly have to have it!" — Anne Hathaway [New!]
• Christopher Reeve's son, Matthew Reeve, is training to run the New York City marathon in honor of his father. He says, "I'm constantly grateful and appreciative of being able to do the simplest, most basic functions, and the fact that I have good health and can move normally. That's something I've been more aware of and grateful for since the age of 15 than most people. There is a sense of, well, I can and I should." [N.Y. Times]
• "I don't think a naked body is particularly shocking or interesting. It's not the culture I was raised in. I was not brought up in the United States. I don't share the [attitude] that you can have graphic violence, but – God forbid – you see someone's nipples." — Anna Paquin [People]
• "The thing about vampirism is that it taps into a female point of view – you have an old-fashioned gentleman with manners who is a fucking killer… it's an interesting duality, because in our present society it would be an odd thing for a woman to say, ‘I want my man to be physical with me.' How, as a modern man, can you fucking work that? It's one thing to be polite and gentle… But when do you know it's OK to crawl out of the mud and rape her [as Bill does in one scene]?… It's difficult stuff for a bloke, but a vampire gets away with it…. I think that's the attraction of the show – it's looking back at a romantic time when men were men, but they were still charming." — True Blood's Stephen Moyer [Just Jared]

Sam finally figured out that Maryann is a maenad, and he and Andy Bellefleur — some of the only people in town not under Maryann's spell — teamed up to try and figure out what to do. How do you kill an immortal? As devotees of the books have mentioned, the maenads were the female followers of Dionysus, and reveled in dancing, uncontrolled sexual behavior and drunken intoxication. It sounds great in theory, but Maryann's black-eyed mob shows that such soulless behavior can lead down a dark, frenzied path and involve intense physical sacrifices.

But let's back up a little bit. Let's just say you went away for a little while, and when you came back, this bullcrap was in your front yard:

Maryann's construction of bones, raw meat, flowers and feathers. Charming, no?

When Sookie, Jason and Bill returned to Bon Temps, they found that the townspeople had gone cuckoo, and Hoyt's mother was one of the black-eyed under Maryann's spell.

It's interesting that Hoyt's mother, Maxine Fortenberry, already had a heap of hate in her heart before falling under Maryann's spell — seems like she didn't have far to fall. I thought Dale Raoul, the actress playing Ms. Fortenberry, really seemed to relish acting like a brainwashed wacko. "Playing Wii gets her to focus" was a nice touch.

Discovering that his town, his "home turf" was under attack spurred Jason Stackhouse into action. It's such a perfect redemption plotline for him, since his time with the anti-vampire Fellowship of the Sun Church seemed so misguided. But he's grown, and with his training and courage, he set out to get to the bottom of the problem, saying, "This is the war I've been training for."

Meanwhile, Sookie went back to her house, which Maryann had been using as her base. I've been complaining about how frequently Sookie has needed to be rescued this season, so it was a welcome twist to see her exhibit some moxie, strength and courage. And that was before she zapped Maryann with powers neither Sookie (nor we) knew she had, leaving Maryann to ask, stunned and amazed: "What are you?"

Poor Lafayette was busy making zero progress with a possessed Tara. Luckily, Bill and Sookie helped get through to Tara — delving into her mind and rescuing her from the clutches of the demon. Again, Sookie proved that she is strong, and capable, and fearless when it comes to protecting her friends.

As is her brother, Jason: He saved Sam Merlotte from a black-eyed mob! Only to be foiled by an extremely efficient Terry Bellefleur. Terry, who suffers from PTSD, became a natural leader while under Maryann's spell — thinking fairly clearly and acting with military precision. His previous experiences in the armed forces seem to have prepared him for being taken over by a demon spirit. One type of brainwashing replaced the other. Check out his bravado:

The mob's single-minded focus on catching Sam Merlotte was, in the end, their downfall: Once he gave himself up to them, they weren't entirely sure what to do with him. Which made it easier for Jason and Andy to distract them, pretending to be "The God Who Comes."

Of course, Jason wasn't really the god the townspeople were waiting for. But between his theatrics and Sam's shapeshifting, the mob backed off and dispersed. But Maryann is still very much in the picture, which means Sam is still in danger.

At the end of the episode, Bill went to visit the Queen, to get some help to defeat Maryann, so we'll see how that pans out. It's notable that the town had been in the grips of vampire prejudice, and now may need help from a vampire. It's also interesting that all of the boozing, sex and gluttony the mob has been indulging in while under Maryann's spell are just the kind of things they like to accuse vampires of. Ever since the first episode of True Blood, much has been made of the vampire's plight being parallel to that of gay rights (even without the Fellowship Of The Sun plotline, the "God Hates Fangs" sign in the opening credits keeps that theme alive). But really, when the vampire characters (like Bill and Godric) act humanely, and the human characters (Rene; the whole town) act like animals, it speaks to deeper truths about what it means to be human, dead or alive.

• Lindsay Lohan's Hollywood home was burglarized over the weekend. Dina Lohan says:

"The safe was ripped out of the wall, and the door was off the hinges and door handles removed. Bags, shoes and jewelry were taken too. Thank God she wasn't home." Well, if she'd been home, they might not have broken in? Anyway Dina says Lindsay is "Okay, but upset." [People]

• A source says that surveillance video caught the men who broke into Lindsay's house on tape, and cops are investigating. Michael Lohan thinks it's an inside job, since the people that work for Lindsay didn't turn the alarm on. [TMZ]
• Ryan Jenkins, 32, the reality star suspect accused of killing his ex-wife, was found dead in a motel room in a Canadian town called Hope. An unidentified woman checked in for Jenkins and paid cash; cops have seized the slip of information she filled out for the room. [Vancouver Sun]
• An employee at the Thunderbird Motel says Ryan Jenkins was not recognizable: "In no way shape or form did he look like the man on TV. He looked spent." [AP]
• Before she hit the stage with her Miss Universe performance, Heidi Montag said: "I think people don't know what to expect, and how can they? It's my first performance live and it's in front of a billion eyes. So I'm very excited to show everyone what I'm coming with. I'm very excited for everybody to see this." And: "I think a lot of people are expecting something very different." If by "different" you mean "stilted" and "bad" then, yeah. [AP]
• Oprah wants to throw a giant party for the 10th anniversary of her magazine, and she'd like to shut down portions of the West Side Highway in NYC for the bash. [NY Post]
• "After Alec Baldwin told Playboy he might run against Joe Lieberman, the Connecticut senator replied, 'make my day.'" [Politico]
• Michael Jackson's kids spent the weekend in Las Vegas at the Palms Casino Resort, drinking virgin strawberry-banana daiquiris and playing in the pool. Grandma Katherine Jackson watched pool-side, with a friend and a nanny. [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin snapped up the house next door to theirs in London and are creating a "£7million superhouse with 33 rooms." [Daily Mail]
• Sophia Bush was trying to hail a cab yesterday when she "accidentally flung" her arm into a woman passing by on a bicycle, knocking the woman to the ground. Sophia apologized and helped the woman up; the woman rode away. [UPI]
• Amy Winehouse performed with The Specials on Saturday night and it seems to have reinvigorated her! She says: "It's great to be back. I absolutely loved it out there. The fans and the atmosphere were great. It wasn't planned at all. I just went out and did it. I want to do my own gigs now." Video of Amy singing with the band at the link. [The Sun]
• Milla Jovovich married director Paul W.S. Anderson in Beverly Hills on Saturday, walking down the aisle of the backyard of the couple's Spanish-style house. The reception included cuban music and cake. [People]
• You can peep Milla's dress here. [E!]
• Prince William's girlfriend Kate Middleton will resign from working at her parents' internet party supply business at the end of the year and concentrate on photography. She'll head to New York for 2 weeks in January to work with Count Nikolai von Bismarck, who has trained with Annie Leibovitz. A source says: "It wouldn't be fitting for a future Queen to run a party website." [Daily Mail]
• Emma Roberts' boyfriend's neck is covered in hickeys. [Page Six]
• Khloé Kardashian is guest blogging for Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth while Ted is on vacation. [E!]
• Terrence J, the dude Khloé Kardashian kissed one drunken night, says: "We are just friends. Neither one of us remembers the kiss. We were trying to remember who kissed whom first and we have both agreed to agree that it was just a long night where we both had some drinks and shared a good time." This lapse in memory could be due to booze or the fact that Terrence is in a relationship and is "very much in love." [People]
• Sources claim that Doug Reinhardt has been "begging" MTV producers for a contract and wants very badly to be on The Hills, but the network is not interested. [Page Six]
• Oasis cancelled their appearance at V Fest over the weekend because Liam Gallagher had laryngitis; Snow Patrol stepped in. [The Sun]
• Joan Jett is suing Jacqueline Fuchs, former bassist in The Runaways, who is trying to have the movie about The Runaways stopped and has demanded to see the script — even though there is no character based on her. [UPI]
• Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos cheered on 8-year-old daughter Lola, who was riding at the 34th Annual Hampton Classic Horse show on Sunday. Kelly says: "She's so dedicated that she misses everything else in the summer so she can go riding!" [Gatecrasher]
• Spotted: Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer, househunting in Santa Monica. [Gatecrasher]
• Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig are in rehearsals for the Broadway play A Steady Rain, and the author, Kevin Huff, can't believe his good fortune: "These guys are in the prime of their careers," he says. "It's my understanding they're turning down movies to do this. I'm very lucky." [NY Daily News]
• The Rachel Zoe Project returns tonight, and this review says it "remains reliably bitchy television." [NY Daily News]
• Diablo Cody is on the cover of Inked magazine, and admits that she once was at a party with Robert Pattinson and didn't recognize him: "He's a beautiful man and I would certainly recognize him now… He wouldn't remember this happening. I honestly just went up and borrowed a light from him and I couldn't understand why there was this vibration in the crowd like, You're talking to him! I thought, You mean that guy with the cigarettes? Aw, this sounds terrible." [Inked]
• Shed a tear on your bearskin rug: The Burt Reynolds Museum may be closing. [UPI]
• A Texas blogger being sued by the mother of Anna Nicole Smith faces contempt of court for not turning in her computer. [UPI]
• Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullum have chosen their wedding date and location: July 2010, at Hunton Park estate – a mansion set in 22 acres of parkland in Hertfordshire. Looks lush and amazing! [Daily Mail]
• "Rehab, drinking, Courtney Love, Owen Wilson's 'overdose': Steve Coogan confesses all." [Daily Mail]
• Former KISS guitarist Vinnie Vincent is suing the band and A&E television network for using his image without his permission. [TMZ]
• "'I want to marry again because I miss the sex' — Jerry Hall reveals she's on the lookout for love." [Daily Mail]
• Messy divorce news: David Alan Grier is seeking joint custody of his one-year-old daughter and looking to deny his estranged wife Christine Kim any spousal support. Christine was sole custody. [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which reality TV women party so hard every night that reporters gripe the ladies don't get out of bed to do phone interviews in the day?" [Page Six]
• "I was born on December 13, I was 13 when I got my first record deal and my Twitter name is taylorswift13. My first single, Tim McGraw, had a 13-second intro, and every time something good happens, 13 is involved. If I ever get a tattoo it will be '13.'" — Taylor Swift. [Daily Mail]
• "When Ally McBeal started, I went 'Oh, my God,' it's like what I was doing. Bridget Jones was in the same vein. I identify with all of them. We all can." — Melanie Mayron, who played a redheaded photographer, an "independent, creative, quirky and funny" single woman in her 30s on thirtysomething. [LA Times]
• "After two dance sessions, I can tell you Cheryl Burke is the most patient person I have ever met." — Dancing With The Stars contestant and former Republican House Majority Leader Tom DeLay. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I wouldn't want to be 20 again for anything. I am much happier now than when I was younger. You have to discover who you are, who you are going to be, there are so many insecurities. Today, I know the things that I need, the things that I can live without." — Monica Bellucci. [Daily Mail]
• Q: So you're not getting married any time soon? A: "No, we're not into that. I think we have some sort of thing in California? What's it called? The civil equality or something. Domestic partnership! They sent us a piece of paper and it's like, oh, now what? She has her health insurance, I have mine. I'd put her on mine, but you know it's too much paperwork. We'll get around to it." — Sandra Bernhard on her girlfriend, with whom she's been with for 10 years. [LA Times]

[Los Angeles, August 20. Image via INFDaily.]

For instance:

• Sam was anonymously called to Merlotte's only to find Daphne's dead body in the freezer. And yes, Daphne's heart was missing. Just like Miss Jeanette's was, earlier.
• Guess who sliced up a heart and served it to Tara and Eggs for dinner as a "hunter's souflée"? Maryann.
• Andy Bellefleur told the truth and no one believed him. Wait, that always happens.
• Jason and Sookie reunited.
• Definite sensuality between Eric and Godric. Seriously, when Eric dropped to his knees in front of Godric early in the episode, I was basically done. That's all I ever needed. Well maybe some nuzzling would have been nice, like if Eric had ever so gently laid his head on Godric's stomach and Godric had stroked Eric's cheek and, um, AHEM. Moving on.
• Definitely "something" between Eric and Sookie.
• Lorena got schooled. Twice.
• There was a giant showcase showdown at the church, involving everyone who's anyone. Props to Jason Stackhouse for shooting Reverend Newlin in the head (with a paintball gun), and for saying: "I've already been to heaven… I was inside your wife."

In the clip above, Godric stops what would have been a blood bath at the church showdown. I like when he says, "I'm actually older than your Jesus" all humble and calm.

The other major development involved Jessica the teen vamp attempting to lose her virginity and realizing, to her dismay, that because of her super-fast vampire healing ability, her hymen grew back after Hoyt broke it. Talk about teen angst!

• Chris Brown was supposed to be sentenced today for pleading guilty to felony assault, but the sentencing was postponed to August 27 so the judge could review his full community service schedule, which she wants to include hard labor. [TMZ]

• Rihanna's mom Monica Fenty said she's worried her daughter is "playing Russian roulette with her life" after hearing rumors that she secretly met up with Chris Brown at a Manhattan hotel last week. Fenty added, "I'm devastated. Chris has power over her. She still loves him." [The Mirror]
• Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer are engaged. The True Blood co-stars have been together since February. [People]
• For the first time Forbes has released a list of Hollywood's top earning women. The top five in order are Oprah Winfrey, Madonna, Celine Dion, Beyonce Knowles, and Twilight author Stephenie Meyer. Judge Judy and Britney Spears are tied for numbers 6 and 7. [Forbes]
• Marc McLeod, the 53-year-old man who claimed Miley Cyrus was sending him "secret messages" through her TV show has been arrested for a second time for stalking her. He was spotted hanging around the Georgia set of her new film. [TMZ]
• Ryan Seacrest said on his radio show this morning that he was shocked to find out Paula Abdul won't be returning to American Idol. "She's a dear friend. I love her to death and am really sad that it came to fruition," Seacrest said. "I'm just bummed because we've worked together for so many years. It's sad." [People]
• Paula Abdul may have been kicked off American Idol because of a passionate Tweet. She and the producers were still in the middle of negotiations when she Tweeted a goodbye, which the producers took as an official declaration that discussions were over. [TMZ]
• This article says by leaving Paula is acting out a "celebrity cliche," and is titled "Abdul turns back on show that kept her relevant." Ouch. [MSNBC]
• Here's People's "inside story" on why Paula left: she asked for a raise and got a much smaller offer than she expected. Also, an NBC executive says, "Paula is an exceptional piece of talent." [People]
• Adam Lambert says the tabloid story that he lashed out at a fan for smudging his nail polish isn't true. "That never happened," he says, "Oh my god, I love it! I love how they always go with a 'very reliable source,' 'a close friend of Adam.' I'm like, 'Who?' " [E!]
• Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith have fired the head of their private school The New Village Leadership Academy because she didn't agree with the school's practice of Study Tech, a curriculum devised by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. [Radar Online]
• Timberbrit, a modern opera about Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake, was written by a Yale doctoral student and is being adapted into a fully staged version. The songs were inspired by slowed down versions of Brit's songs, which tell, "a tragic tale that imagines Spears' last concert, in the final hours of her life. Timberlake returns after a long absence to win back Spears' love, but in the end she chooses the audience's love above all else." [NPR]
• Saturday Night Live head writer Seth Meyers says, "If Justin Timberlake was so stupid and hated money so much that he would work for us permanently, we would love to have him... But he would really have to hate money." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Kevin Federline has been offered $2.5 million to endorse a weight loss supplement called EP-2 (Extreme Physical Performance). [Radar Online]
• Brooke Hogan says of her singing career, "It's hard to crossover. First, I was doing the singing, and because I was Hulk Hogan's daughter, everyone was like, "Oh, it's handed to her. Oh, she looks like a wrestler herself." I mean they were hard on me from all angles, you just couldn't win. And then I started doing the TV show to kind of have a platform and get people to know me and stuff like that. But I did the TV show to help my singing, and people think that I'm a TV star that's trying to sing now, like Heidi Montag or something. I'm like, "No. It's different." The singing is the permanent thing, the TV show's what's going to come and go." [AP]
• 2.1 million viewers watched the episode of Kendra in which she married Hank Baskett, making it the high rated first season finale for E! since The Anna Nicole Show in 2002. [Broadcasting & Cable]
• Kourtney Kardashian says her sister Kim Kardashian is still house hunting even though she broke up with Reggie Bush. "You go see this amazing house that's, like, a family house," says Kourtney, "and she's like, 'Wait, where does Reggie fit into all of this?' That's what, I think, she's struggling with." [People]
• Have you seen the new T-Mobile ads which are basically about horney guys drooling over Catherine Zeta-Jones? You can check one out here: [AdWeek]
• Tony Griffin, is suing the people running his father Merv Griffin's companies, claiming they squandered much of Merv's fortune. But sources say Merv Griffin Productions was actually handled pretty well, but has suffered due to the recession. [TMZ]
• Rosie O'Donnell and partner Kelli Carpenter-O'Donnell haven't split, according to her rep. "This is ridiculous," she says. "I get this rumor every time Rosie travels for work. Right now she is on tour with Cyndi Lauper." [People]
• Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys, who recently announced that he has cancer sent an e-mail to fans thanking them for their support. He said he's recovering from surgery but, "no sooner am I on the mend from this first torture than are they lining up the next one." In a few weeks he will begin radiation treatment, which he said, "involves blasting you with some kind of beam for a few minutes a day, 5 days a week, for about 7 weeks." [N.Y. Times]
• Idina Menzel and Taye Diggs' baby boy is due on September 6, but they haven't picked out a name yet. "We have a couple [names] in the running," says Diggs. "But part of us wants to see what he hits us with when we see him. We'll see what he looks like." [People]
• Leighton Meester says of the allegations that she made a sex tape, "[The tape] is not real, so it makes me sort of sad. It's unfortunate that it got carried as far as it did.... I definitely understand the nature of people better now and that the mere allegation of something like that could be headline news. People think it's real because somebody says it is... I've never been crazy. I'm a very good girl, to be honest. I don't do anything to hurt anybody. Honestly, all I ever do is work." [People]
• "I have love in my life, a soul mate–absolutely. When someone asked me why Angie and I don't get married, I replied, ‘Maybe we'll get married when it's legal for everyone else.' I stand by that, although I took a lot of flak for saying it–hate mail from religious groups. I believe everyone should have the same rights. They say gay marriage ruins families and hurts kids. Well, I've had the privilege of seeing my gay friends being parents and watching their kids grow up in a loving environment." — Brad Pitt [Just Jared]
• "Would it bother me if a child of mine turns out to be gay? No, not one bit. Listen, I want my kids to live the lives they want to live. I want them to be fulfilled. I hope I teach my kids to be who they really are." — Brad Pitt [Parade]

And here's a question: If Godric is such an old and powerful vampire, how is the Fellowship of the Sun keeping him captive? Why doesn't he just slay mothertruckers left and right? Maybe he wants to die? And why would he give a crap about Gabe raping Sookie, since he's a Death monster and doesn't even know Sookie (clip above)?

Anyway. Among the things we witnessed, overheard and learned:

• Sam, who usually turns into a dog, turned into an owl when being chased by Beasty Maryann.
• Hoyt is a 28-year-old virgin.
• Jessica's way of dealing with Hoyt's virginity: "Just take off your pants."
• Eric cried blood tears over Godric. Romantic!
• In a fight between Jason Stackhouse and Gabe the burly bodyguard, Jason wins.
• Tara to Arlene: "Are you telling me you date-raped Terry Bellefleur?"
• At least we finally saw Godric, the vamp who made Eric a vamp, and who will hopefully inject some much-needed life into this draggy season.

[San Diego, July 27. Image via Getty.]

So, in things are not what they seem news: When Andy was yelling at him, Lafayette saw Eric's face instead of Andy's. Is it just post-traumatic, or something Eric is doing to Lafayette? Terry comforting Lafayette was pretty great, though. (Clip above.)

Other notable moments:

• Flashback to the 1920s; Bill in a tuxedo speaking French.
• Hoyt's mom canceling his cell phone.
• Hoyt showing up at Jessica's hotel room.
• Luke calling having sex with a vampire dude the "cream de la cream of sins."
• We thought Daphne was a deer, but Daphne is a pig. Not just any pig. The pig.
• Pam to Lafayette: "You're back in business."
• Sarah Newlin to Jason Stackhouse: "How can this be wrong if it's what God's commanding me to do?"
• Sookie was a damsel in distress. AGAIN. Yawn.