The sperm, created by exposing stem cells to "a special cocktail of growth factors, nutrients and retinoic acid, a derivative of vitamin A," have a head and tail, a special combination of proteins needed for fertilization, 23 chromosomes, and the ability to swim — just like ordinary, ball-produced sperm. However, sperm biologist Allan Pacey (who obviously got his job by losing a game of MASH) is skeptical. He says,

The quality of the images is not of sufficiently high resolution and I would need more data. They are early sperm, but functional tests would be needed to know exactly what has been achieved.

But the most obvious "functional test," using the sperm to fertilize an egg, is exactly what journalists and scientists alike assure us will not happen. Apparently identifying a deep-seated fear triggered by this research, four different news outlets report that the sperm breakthrough doesn't mean scientists will soon be creating human beings in a "dish." EurekAlert quotes lead researcher Karim Nayernia, who says,

While we can understand that some people may have concerns, this does not mean that humans can be produced 'in a dish' and we have no intention of doing this. This work is a way of investigating why some people are infertile and the reasons behind it. If we have a better understanding of what's going on it could lead to new ways of treating infertility.

Despite Nayernia's assurances that the sperm will be used to study male infertility and not to create a race of dish-people (and the fact that UK law prohibits the created sperm from being used in actual fertility treatments), critics are concerned. Josephine Quintavalle of Comment on Reproductive Ethics says,

This is an example of immoral madness. Perfectly viable human embryos have been destroyed in order to create sperm over which there will be huge questions of their healthiness and viability.

It's taking one life in order to perhaps create another. I'm very much in favour of curing infertility but I don't think you can do whatever you like.

The idea that curing male infertility is okay but producing embryos "in a dish" is not may speak to an anxiety underlying much of the coverage of this breakthrough: what if artificial sperm meant women could reproduce without men? Though they are quick to quote Nayernia's "dish" reassurances, none of the articles mentioned this anxiety explicitly, perhaps because of a lucky loophole: at this point, only male stem cells can be used to create workable sperm. So men are safe, for now. But as soon as we figure out how to make sperm from our own lady cells, we're going to send all the men to Siberia and use "dishes" to create what we really want — babies!

We expected Slate's William Saletan to be all over this issue, and he probably will be. But today his column deals with a more important question: "Does God want you to masturbate?" The answer: hell yeah, but only because it improves men's "sperm quality" — perhaps protecting them from stem-cell-induced obsolescence.

Scientists Create Human Sperm from Stem Cells [Time]
Scientists Claim Sperm 'First' [BBC]
Human Sperm Created From Embryonic Stem Cells [EurekAlert]
Scientists Claim Breakthrough In Growing Human Sperm From Stem Cells [Guardian]
Experts Query Sperm Creation Claim [Mirror]
Wank Thyself [Slate]

• New data shows that almost half of the whales harvested last summer in the Antarctic by Japan were pregnant, and several were lactating. The report also contained information on the whale fetuses, which were dismembered for "genetic studies." • In other whaling news, a report released at the International Whaling Commission reveals that countries could make more money if they switched from whale hunting to whale watching, but the delegate from Iceland says he would rather see the two industries grow together. • A new study from the Children's Hospital & Research Center in Oakland indicates that the placenta of healthy newborns may be a viable source for harvesting stem cells, which can be used to treat chronic blood-related disorders. • A religious nurse from the UK recently quit her job after hospital officials asked her to stop wearing her crucifix, which they said "could harbor infection." "I've always worn my cross and I've always been a Christian. It is important to me. I've worked here for 15 months and if it was an issue, why didn't they let me know in the interview?" she said. • Joseph Brooks, the Oscar-winning director and songwriter behind "You Light Up My Life," has been charged with rape and sexual assault. He has been accused of luring young actresses auditioning for roles back to his home where he proceeded to force himself on them. • A recent doctoral dissertation from Sweden has found that a good partner relationship can provide a buffer for work-related stress. • One of Banksy's famous murals was defaced by paintballers last night in an "attack" that left residents of Bristol "disappointed" and annoyed. • Presumably reacting to the advice of, like, everyone, the "Craigslist killer's" ex-fiancee is now "planning a life without him," and has said, "it would be quite a long period of time, if ever, before she saw him again." • The International Gymnastics Federation is now investigating whether it should cancel the results of women's gymnastics events in Sydney due to the possibility that two Chinese gymnasts were underage. • In Ontario, women, and especially poor women, are more likely to suffer from chronic health conditions than men. A majority of Ontario residents have at least one chronic condition. • Researchers report that women with anorexia have lower levels of a brain protein called BDNF, which is associated with poor self-image, anxiety, and depression. • French winemakers attended a "speed-dating" event in which they try to impress US wine writers. Sample pickup line: "You can drink the sunshine." • Kimberley Vlaminck now admits that she asked for all 56 of the stars tattooed on her face, and initially said she had asked for only three because her dad was mad at her. • A group of Mormons called the Committee for Reconciliation is asking the Mormon Church to reconsider its ban on gay marriage. One member says, "I know that there are hundreds, thousands of families sitting in Mormon congregations that have a gay kid or brother or sister, and they are being torn apart inside." • Bear Grylls, the badass host of Man vs. Wild, served as inspiration for a nine-year-old boy who found himself stranded in the Utah forest. Grayson Wynne tore up his yellow raincoat and left pieces tied to trees as clues to his location, followed a creek to safety, and used the remains of his slicker to wave at a helicopter for help. •

The embryos in question came from Saddleback Memorial Hospital in Laguna Hills, where a fertility clinic was shut down in 1995 after revelations that it had repeatedly impregnated women with the wrong embryos. Anderson was the only one who stepped up to take the now-homeless embryos — he says, "I thought it was the right thing to do." That meant he was saddled with the task of tracking down the owners of each embryo, and giving them a choice: keep them frozen for a fee, donate them to medical research or to an infertile couple, or discard them.

More owners are choosing to donate to research now that stem cell issues are receiving more attention. Donating to another couple is the least popular option. Many embryos, however, remain entirely unclaimed — since Saddleback had many international clients, lots of embryo owners have been impossible to track down. Anderson says,

At some point, it just gets ridiculous. In a perfect world, when a couple is done with having all their children, they would make a decision. The farther and farther we get from that, the less likely they are to make a decision. I wish there was a way of making a disposition on a lot of these embryos that have been abandoned.

It is legal to destroy embryos abandoned for five years or more, but doing so would be "a public relations nightmare" according to bioethicist Lori Andrews. She says, "we have no agreement over the social or moral status of the embryo. We need to be more forward-looking in terms of the policies and regulation."

Dr. Anderson's quandary highlights the difficulty of knowing what to do with something that isn't a child, but that people feel deserves more consideration than a vial of blood or a clump of skin. It's fortunate that we have the technology today to create embryos like the ones Anderson is storing, but unfortunate that we haven't quite figured out how we should treat them. Also unfortunate: frozen embryos aren't the only issue to inhabit this still somewhat uncharted moral middle ground.

One of these issues is egg donation. Though women can make a fair amount of money donating their eggs to infertile couples, they couldn't be paid to give up their eggs for research — until now. New York State has decided to allow payment for research-destined eggs, opening the door for more study into cloning stem cells for individualized therapies. The move may help people with currently untreatable diseases someday get well, but due to many people's discomfort with cloning, at least one bioethicist is already predicting a backlash.

Then there's the issue of surrogacy, which is apparently becoming more popular among single men in India. The Times of India tells this story:

A 28-year old expat Gujarati, who stays in the US, met with a serious accident and was hospitalized for two years battling paraplegia. Left with a certain disability, the young man expressed his feeling that he did not want to marry as he was too conscious of his handicap but would love to become a father.

"His parents approached us and using his sperms a surrogate just delivered a boy. Fatherhood has given the young man a new purpose in life," said Dr Patel. Infertility specialist Dr Falguni Bavishi of Ahmedabad has also been approached by a single man from Canada to help him become a father. He had got his sperms frozen and will get a baby with the help of a surrogate.

The wording of the article is somewhat off-putting (the headline is, "Single men hire wombs in Gujarat to become fathers"), and it's sad that the young man's disability (it's possible that the paper is coyly referring to impotence) makes him feel he cannot marry. At the same time, it's good to be reminded that men, as well as women, sometimes want to have a child without a partner. And while surrogacy gives rise to a whole set of moral and economic questions (will it, for instance, create an underclass of poor women bearing rich people's children?), it's hard not to be happy for the man who can now realize his dream of being a father. All three stories reveal that we still have a lot to work out when it comes to reproductive technology. At the same time, one reason we have these problems is because people are able to have children who never would have before. And this, despite all the difficulties attendant on it, is exciting.

Life On Ice [Newsweek]
Single Men Hire Wombs In Gujarat To Beecome Fathers [Times of India]
New York Approves Controversial Egg Donor Payments [New Scientist]

[Image via Citizen Skein]

In a study published in the journal Nature Cell Biology, Chinese researchers performed experiments on mice, showing for the first time that a mammal can produce new eggs as an adult that lead to healthy offspring, reports theWashington Post. Scientists from Shanghai Jiao Tong University identified female germ line stem cells in ovaries removed from mice. After coaxing the cells to multiply, they were injected into sterile mice. Some of the cells matured into eggs, and another group of mice was able to produce healthy offspring.

While men produce new sperm daily, for at least 50 years scientists have believed that female mammals are born with all the eggs they will ever have and the supply is depleted over time, leaving them infertile after menopause. The new study raises new possibilities for the treatment of infertility, as freezing stem cells may be more efficient than freezing eggs and there may be ways to stimulate the cells to produce eggs in older women. The cells may also have a use in stem cell research by producing embryonic stem cell lines specific to individual patients.

Several recent studies have suggested that women may generate more eggs during adulthood, but this is the first time scientists have obtained the cells that can produce healthy new eggs from a mammal. "If you are looking to disprove that females cannot make new eggs, this paper proves it. It's a really significant paper," said Harvard Medical School professor Jonathan L. Tilly, who published some of the earlier research. "This is the smoking gun."

Other scientists say more research needs to be done on humans, not mice, and question if the mice used in the experiment were really completely sterilized. "The aging process of the human egg differs fundamentally from that of the mouse egg," said David L. Keefe, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of South Florida. "Except at Disney World, humans are not large mice."

Still, doctors hope that the cells could lead to new procedures someday, especially since treating infertility has become a lucrative, multibillion dollar business. The L.A. Times reports that the competition became so intense at the Huntington Reproductive Center in Pasadena, one of the biggest fertility practices on the West coast, that it has spurred a series of lawsuits. After founder Dr. Joel Batzofin's business grew to make a $5 million yearly profit, his five partners took a secret vote and ousted him from the business. The former partners sued each other in a six year legal battle that led to private detectives posing as patients. A female detective submitted to an ultrasound of her uterus and ovaries, and one of the doctors gave his own sperm sample to a rival doctor, pretending to be a patient, all in an effort to show that Batzofin was violating a non-compete agreement at his new practice. "It's a cutthroat business," said Batzofin. "There is a lot of greed."

But according to another new study published this week, even more women may be turning to fertility treatments, as having a high-powered career has supposedly been linked to lowered fertility. The Times of London reports that University of Utah anthropologist Elizabeth Cashdan found that women with stressful careers experience a hormonal shift that replaces estrogen with male androgens that are associated with strength, stamina, and competitiveness.

Cashdan analyzed the waist to hip ratio (WHR) of women from 37 different populations and cultures, and found the average WHR to be above 0.8. She says that due to a hormonal shift, the women had a more straight-up-and-down figure that is less conducive to child-bearing. Previous studies have found that women with an hourglass figure, with a WHR of 0.7 are the most fertile.

"Although the hormonal profile associated with a high WHR may favour success in some stressful and difficult circumstances where women must work hard, there are well-known costs," said Cashdan. "Women may suffer lower fertility and possibly lower attractiveness to men who may have an innate preference for curviness."

A Possible Step Toward Setting The Biological Clock [The Washington Post]
Fertility Doctors' Competition Spawns Lawsuits [The L.A. Times]
Is Your Career Making You Infertile? [The Times of London]

• Playboy Enterprises has announced that their website is getting a conservative makeover to attract mainstream advertisers. • Broke consumers are eschewing traditional medicine in favor of vitamins in attempts to save a few bucks, the New York Times says. •  Researchers believe that sex could be the cheap new way to cure hay fever. • Aw: 45 people volunteered several nights ago in New Haven, VT, to help carry salamanders, newts, and frogs across the road during their annual migration. These so-called "bucket brigades" are common throughout the Northeast. •  Click here to see wax sculptures of Barack and Michelle Obama. • And if that doesn't creep you out, here is a video of a Japanese robot that has been programmed to mimic baby behaviors. •  A California man stabbed a woman in front of Toys 'R' Us, immediately laid down on the ground, and when confronted, claimed that "God made me do it." •  Indian men living in the U.S. are having a harder time finding brides willing to make the move to America since the economy has tanked. Many Indian women feel that it is safer to stay in India, where layoffs are not as widespread. •  Annoyed by Madonna's adoptions but unsure why? This article by Robin Givhan may help you figure it all out. •  Not everyone loves April Fool's pranks: the Taipei Times has received complains from the Taipei Zoo about their misleading "fake panda" story. •  Now that Obama has lifted the ban on stem cell research, scientists are looking for donations of excess embryos to help them find cures for debilitating conditions, such as Alzheimer's disease and Parkinson's. • Newsweek examines the gay love for Grey Gardens, and argues that gay icons may actually be kind of a bad thing. • Walgreens has pulled the "Chia Obama," saying that the presidential house plant is not appropriate for sale. • New data shows that Nebraska is the "happiest" state, financially, with Iowa close behind. •  And now for some truly terrible news: Researchers have identified a certain kind of yeast that can mutate rapidly, rendering anti-fungal medications ineffective. Ugh. •  Atomic games is working on a new video game based on the Iraq war, currently titled "Six Days in Fallujah." •  More than 1 in 10 Britons say they would cheat if they could get away with it, according to a recent survey. •  In India, soaps that focus on women's issues are gaining in popularity, especially those about "girl child issues." • 

• Young women who have undergone breast reductive surgery may have been screened for cancer without their consent, according to a recent report. • Doctors hope that a new type of screening for ovarian cancer will help decrease the number of cancer-related deaths among women. • Ugh: the Caylee Anthony "tribute" dolls are back. • Mormons are up in arms about an upcoming episode of HBO show Big Love that plans to depict a sacred Mormon temple. The church has not called for a boycott, believing (rightly so) that it would only give Big Love free publicity. • According to a new study, the high incidence of child marriage in India could lead to "poor fertility outcomes" among women. • Click here to watch a video of a turtle humping a shoe. • A preacher in rural Alabama is under fire for his "sexy sermons". The sex-positive sermons received negative attention after the church sponsored billboards that read "Great sex: God's way." • A baby boy born in Russia has just undergone surgery to correct his birth defect: he was born with two penises. • A Maryland woman was seriously injured (and probably embarrassed) from an incident involving a sex toy attached to a power saw. • Fertility patients are pleased with Obama's decision to lift the ban on stem cell research, since their donated embryos can now be put to good use. However, Scientists have some doubts. • New research from the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia indicates that many doctors don't really understand the emergency contraception pill, and because of this, they don't often suggest it. • Studies performed on rats have found that children whose mothers drink alcoholic beverages while pregnant may find the taste more palatable than those born to teetotalers. • And for those of us who may be predisposed to loving the booze, there is a new website that can help monitor alcohol consumption. • More Filipinos are beginning to question the Catholic Church's teachings on birth control. "The influence of the Catholic Church has steadily weakened, just like in other countries," says Congressman Edcel Lagman. • According to a poll from 2007, 54% of Icelanders don't deny the existence of elves, and many believe that elves could be to blame for building disasters. • While women in Saudi Arabia are restricted from many activities, horse riding is not among them. • Protesters of the Miss University London pageant chained themselves to the entrance with bike locks and set off stink bombs. • The Scottish Prison Inspector has announced that many female inmates are living in "dismal and damaging conditions. • A new study shows that women expect men to do "masculine" chores, like taking out the garbage and mowing the lawn. • Film company Target Entertainment has bought the rights to a feature-length documentary titled "Monster: The Josef Fritzl Story." • Katie Couric has received a Walter Cronkite Award for Excellence for her coverage of the 2008 campaign. • A 17-year-old gunman dressed in military gear entered a high school in Germany and murdered fifteen of his classmates. Out of the fifteen, fourteen were female. • Firefighters in the UK have gotten multiple calls about this dwarf pony's stumpy legs. • Last night Congress passed a bill that will help provide cheap birth control for college women. • And if you don't like hormones, a new, cheaper, female condom has been approved for sale in the U.S. • A total of 43 people in norther Nicaragua have fallen ill with "crazy sickness." • Female Guardian writer tries boxing, realizes it's an intense workout. • Men are shelling out big bucks for hair plugs to combat society's prejudice against the bald. • Salt may be addictive, says a new study on the evolutionary reasons for human's taste for salt. • 

• A choir teacher in San Diego called a student an "ugly brat," then literally kicked her out of the classroom. • Disturbing fertility news: even half a serving of soy a day can lower a man's sperm count — effects are more pronounced if he's overweight. • Disturbing adoption news: DNA tests show an abducted Guatemalan baby was adopted by a US couple. Several more abducted babies have been found in Guatemalan orphanages, leading some to believe the practice is widespread. • And some reassuring news: belly and thigh fat is a great source of stem cells, which could cure disease and even remove wrinkles. So eat that donut — unless you're a man, you want a baby, and it's made of soy.

That's not the only women's health news in the New York Times today. Researchers are looking to menses as a new source of stem cells. Yep! They're gonna sort through your old tampons for potential stem cells because the lining of the uterus regenerates every month. But you might not want to start saving your diva cup runoff just yet: Dr. Hugh Taylor, chief of reproductive endocrinology at Yale, tells the Times: "I think it's premature to start telling anyone to go in and save their menses...A woman can come in and have endometrial biopsy all the time and get those cells in a fresh, pure form."

Finally, some breast cancer news, both good and bad. The bad? The rise of insurance co-pays for mammograms is deterring women from taking the test. A new study shows that even when factors like income and education are taken into account, women are still loathe to pay the extra $12 it requires to get their breasts checked out. It's a shame, because the good news is that a new imaging device is being developed that will be able to spot tumors that are half the size of the ones that current imaging devices can spot. Get those breasts checked early and often, ladies!

New Insights Into Genital Pain in Women [New York Times]
Menstruation as a Source of Stem Cells? Maybe Not [New York Times]
Screening: Co-Pays Seen as a Deterrent to Getting Mammograms [New York Times]
Device Zeroes In On Small Breast Tumors [EurekAlert]

• Jennifer Aniston just says no to that more rotund Vince Vaughn and picks herself up a male model named Paul Sculfor (who we show you almost-nudie, to the left) to date instead. [People.com]
  
• A new development in stem cell research allows for cells to be removed without the destruction of human embryos. We assume Republicans will still find some reason to be against it. [ABC News]
  
• We don't know about you, but we sure won't be sleeping soundly tonight knowing that The Rubber Band Bandit's been freed! [ABC News]
  
• Our suspicions are confirmed: Only a man would think to put a woman in sequined hot pants. [ELLE.com]

• The Price Is Right's Bob Barker will announce the Showcase Showdown no more. [USA Today]
• But don't worry, Alec Trebek still digs doing Jeopardy. [Yahoo]
• Researchers in England have found new ways to identify the most common serious diseases through DNA analyses. Our hypochondriac hearts just did a little dance in our chests. [BBC]
• Now that's our kind of justice! A former judge was rigging divorce proceedings in exchange for boxes of Cubans. [CNN]
• This Iraqi gallery owner has a better peace strategy than any other we've heard proposed yet. [NYT]
• We really don't want to see Tony Blair naked, even if it is part of an art piece protesting the war in Iraq. [Yahoo]
• A day in the life of a house cat... through the eyes of a house cat. [Boing Boing]
• 11 U.S. casualties identified today. [DoD]