stay-at-home moms

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The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
Anime Lenses Promise Wide-Eyed Look • Stay-At-Home Moms Hurt By Economy
Public Opinion Down On British Working Mums
Some Career Paths Just Don't Work For Working Moms
Stay-At-Home Motherhood Will Make You Pine For Corporate Jargon, Crap Pay

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Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
What's the big deal here? It's not like, if the mag had a chance in hell of succeeding (and continuing to employ writers and staff), someone else wouldn't have bought it up. I liked the mag but it was a bit, uh, 'busy,' layout-wise.

I'm not even sure you can really fault people for critiquing her decision since, based on her tone, she seems to have some preconceptions about stay-at-home moms, too.
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ellaesther
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
Oh, jeez, and one more thing:

"Get a fucking nanny?" Who does that commenter think the nannies are? Ducks?

Nannies are, by and large, women. And when they're good, they are, themselves, doing something very positive.

As to the suggestion that caring for one's children is not something "positive," I'm at a loss.

The unthinking privilege and elitism on display in some parts.... Sheesh!
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ellaesther
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
Here is my day, today:

- Wake up early, to check my email re: a writing project.

- Get kids ready for/to school (with husband).

- Work for two and a half hours in my wee home office, writing about the Bush Administration torture issue.

- Run to school to put sunscreen on my kindergartner, before the class picnic. Slather it on two other kids, too, as long as I'm there.

- Work for two more hours, this time writing about Israel/Palestine.

- Go to the skin doctor to have a mole removed.

- Work for 1/2 an hour, re: Israel/Palestine.

- Set up for pre-Talent Show practice for my daughter and four friends.

- Go to school to collect said daughter and friends; facilitate practice, send them outside to play in the sunny day while I clean up our messy backyard a bit.

- After posting this comment, I'll be collecting my son from his drum lesson; he was brought to said lesson by the husband/dad, who came home early to do so, so that I could facilitate the practice.

- Then I'll make dinner and we'll eat. Husband will do dishes.

- Then we'll go pick up the foster child I tutor in reading for an early summer ice cream break.

- Then bed time, and a little more writing for me.

I write all this because I can't honestly say which of these moments is the most meaningful for me. (Well, not the mole removal). I think it might have been the moment that my hand was on my daughter's skin, rubbing sunscreen into her beautiful arm, and I was laughing with her and her round-faced, multi-hued friends.

But the professional stuff comes a close second to those lovely kid moments, and that's just the truth.

I am a lucky, lucky, insanely lucky woman. I hope that Moeller feels that she is too, and entirely ignores the people who would tell her otherwise.
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mommy_dearest
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
I don't want to reclaim the word "housewife." That's like a house cat, unable to leave. Other than that, I don't have much to add to his conversation. Well, I do, but I have to get my nails done, and I ran out of bon bons, so I'm in a pissy mood.
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Mama Penguino
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
"Get a nanny!" is the new "Get a job!"
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morninggloria
05/21/09

@Mama Penguino: Get a nanny job!
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morninggloria
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
I would think that blogging would be an ideal profession for someone who desires to stay at home with their children.
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susanconfusion
05/21/09

@morninggloria: I'm going to guess you don't have kids.
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Penny
05/21/09

@morninggloria: Maybe she will keep blogging. Although, I hope she changes the name.
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emilyanne
05/21/09

@morninggloria: well yes. I am a freelance journalist and until recently I managed to earn a good salary by writing in the morning before my daughter work up, writing during the time she was asleep, writing in the evenings for a couple of hours and writing at the weekends. Then I realised I needed a bit of balance so now she goes to day care two days a week. But really it is do-able, because my salary varies month to month on how good my pitches are I couldn't afford a nanny or full time day care but it didn't mean that i couldn't work while my daughter was there. I thought I was pretty lucky to be honest.
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morninggloria
05/21/09

@susanconfusion: Nope! But my mother was a journalist when I was small, and I remember her being home a lot. She'd tell me to go outside and play when she had to write, and she'd write while I was napping. Anyway, she wasn't totally "stay at home," but she had a job that allowed her to spend more time with me than a traditional 9 to 5 would have.
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emilyanne
05/21/09

@morninggloria: precisely. @susanconfusion: no but i do and it's not impossible, it's a choice certainly but freelance journalism is actually far more flexible than many other professions.
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susanconfusion
05/21/09

@emilyanne: Sorry if that sounded snarky, guys. She's not doing freelance stuff though, she was running the entire blog. I don't think she got a choice of what time during the day she could take care business. Your job sounds terrific!
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emilyanne
05/21/09

@susanconfusion: no it's cool - I do get your point actually as I said I think I have it pretty lucky because of not having to be in an office as such.
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maemae
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
@GirlSailor: yep, that's exactly what i'm saying. grrr stay at home moms suck grrr (sarcastic voice) I just think that she also "choose" to treat her employees like crap and seems like a neocon, regardless of if she's staying home with her kids or not.
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GirlFailer
05/21/09

@maemae: Okay, I'm sorry I misinterpreted your comment. I have no clue what kind of person she is, I was just asking for clarification on your comment above. It seemed like you were implying that her "choice" to stay at home was dumb.
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seejanerun
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
I don't understand this being a problem. Is this a rich people thing? If I had the opportunity to quit my job, I'd do so in a heartbeat. I don't even need a kid as an excuse. My excuse would be like "my job was cutting into my drinking". Work is for suckers (unless you're my doctor or hairdresser or something, in which case, as you were).
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TheLittlestChicken
05/21/09

@seejanerun: I'm with you. That "Would I be more fulfilled working?" questions is a Rich/Elite Lady question, because anyone else has a crappy-ass service job that's not worth fighting for. I had a fancy office job that I liked and maybe would have done the working mom thing, but my contract ended, I'm knocked up, and I'm grateful to God that we can live on my hubby's salary + what I've saved. 'Cause I can't even get a job right now.
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Flackette Goes Retro
05/21/09

@TheLittlestChicken: It is totally a question of privilege. Although it's a little different for people who do the math and realize that daycare costs more than their actual job, and thus choose to stay home. But that still isn't really a choice as it's economically forced. I work not because I love my job (would I be on Jezebel so much if I did?) but because I need money and health insurance. For 99% of the world, work and childcare arrangements are dictated by necessity.
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Gumbina80
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
On the Republican Women thread, somebody commented that the Democratic party sucked because only 25% of congressional reps are women.

How do feminists reconcile this with the "go girl!" rhetoric directed toward a woman quitting her job and becoming a full-time mom? Is it rational to celebrate "choosing your choice (to be a housewife)" and lament the lack of women in boardrooms and congress?
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Penny
05/21/09

@Gumbina80: Well, personally, I don't care what she does either way. She's in a position where she can stay home, she wants to stay home, so....she will. Most women cannot do this. For me it's more about choice than the action or what it does or does not do for the "cause."
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Kali Mama
05/21/09

@Gumbina80: Infants are only infantile for a short period. Give a chick some grace period to chill out and get them potty trained, and back in the work force.

Why does choosing your choice get equated with wiping their ass until they're 18?
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laureltreedaphne
05/21/09

@Gumbina80:

The lack of women in boardrooms and congress, though, is not because women are choosing to quit their jobs to be stay at home moms. It is because it is harder for women to get promoted to higher positions, or elected to office.

The "go girl" attitude is because feminism means that everyone should be able to do with their life what they choose to - whether that means staying home with your children, or being CEO of a Fortune 500 company. They deserve the chance to do that without being restricted by their gender.

Basically, the two have nothing to do with each other, and yes, it is logical.
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GirlFailer
05/21/09

@Kali Mama: I really appreciate you saying that. So what if a woman wants to stay home and raise her kids until they can be shipped off to school? That's what 3-4 years for many kids... It's not the end of the world for a mom to stay out of the workforce for a few years. Being a stay at home mom does not = a lady of leisure.
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MizJenkins
05/21/09

@Gumbina80: I hear you, but yes it's rational. The lamentable thing about the fact that there are so few women in Congress is that there isn't enough access to women at that end of the spectrum.

"Stay home with your babies or spend years butting your head against a glass ceiling to accomplish something that is statistically highly improbable" is a really loaded choice.
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Laulau
05/21/09

@Gumbina80: Personally, I think it would help feminism if more women made choices that involved staying in the workforce and changing the professional systems from within. I have various reasons for thinking this, and I could clearly be mistaken, but I am sure as hell not going to ask any particular woman to compromise what she wants out of life to help the movement. Having small children is a very short but amazing part of life that not even everyone gets to experience. If you want, or need, to be at home during that period, have a blast. That is all.
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Flackette Goes Retro
05/21/09

@laureltreedaphne: Also, feminism wants to create a system of equality of opportunity (and pay). If men and women were truly equal in the workplace, women would be less likely to have the lower-paying job in a couple. Then, all things being equal, either parent (or neither) could choose to stay home (when my mom chose to stay home, she had to be the one to do it because she made significantly less $$ than my dad...because they were both in very gender-stereotypical occupations for the time). Then women wouldn't fall behind as much while taking time home with the kids, because some of their male colleagues would be doing the same thing. Then there might be more parity in promotions for those who want a corporate career. As it is, only women really shoulder the burden of having to choose either career success or being closely involved in the lives of their children.
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Penny
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
I highly recommend reading the comments with the angry ex-employee. It's quite entertaining for a Thursday afternoon.
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Jessi Ramsey
05/21/09

@Penny: I'm reading those too. Cray-zee! E- employees coming out of the woodwork and such.
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Jessi Ramsey
05/21/09

@Jessi Ramsey: ex-employees*
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nessalicious
05/21/09

@Penny: Totally, I like Baby Sinead's extremely NSFW blog but the minute I heard 'angry ex employee' I knew it'd be her...
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stoprobbers
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
Just do something positive, instead of being stuck in the goddamn fifties.

It's backwards, outdated, and insulting to want to raise your own kids? Fuck, man, if I don't want to raise them I'm sure as hell not going to have them!!
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Penny
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
Also, I think she means "ho," no?
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vanka-vstanka
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
I guess what confuses me is why Missbehave had to end just because the founder didn't want to work on it anymore. Like if she just wants to stay at home with her kids and her headspace isn't into Missbehave anymore, that's cool, but isn't that normally when you pass the torch to someone else--not just be like, "Oh hi people who used to have jobs; I'm gonna be at the playground--peace out!" I mean, couldn't she have chosen a successor? Or was is that Missbehave's financial situation was too precarious to even carry on a web-only entity?
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Flackette Goes Retro
05/21/09

@vanka-vstanka: My uninformed impression was that the whole thing was tanking (not an unusual thing these days, for magazines to shutter).
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hej hej
05/21/09

@vanka-vstanka: Like Flackette said above, the ship was sinking anyway. They let their editor-in-chief Lesley Arfin go after a couple of other staffers, which was the beginning of the end for them.

I really liked Missbehave though. The two issues Lesley edited were really great, and funny as hell.
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hej hej
05/21/09

@hej hej: I should clarify--they fired the EIC after letting go a couple of other popular people on staff.
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Scout
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
waht? she cant do EVERYTHING???!!! run a business, be a wife, a mother, a boss et al?

at least this woman knows her limitations

ahem
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MizJenkins
05/21/09

In reply to The Mommy Wars Hit Missbehave Magazine
Dude, all I'm saying is don't go to Park Slope. That shit is contagious.
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greengrey
05/21/09

@MizJenkins: I avoid Park Slope because I don't lie getting hit in the shins with strollers. You're telling me now that this is also CONTAGIOUS?

:shudders:
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vanka-vstanka
05/21/09

@greengrey: The strollers infect you with BABY ENVY. One of us! One of us!
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emilyanne
05/21/09

@MizJenkins: haahahahaa - that is so so true, although where i live is actually nearly as bad. I am on anti-those stupidly big strollers that don't collapse mission. Why do they have them why? What's wrong with normal efficient, small strollers. Or later on with walking?
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