In a flurry of bill-signing yesterday, Schwarzenegger approved a measure to make the taking or selling of unauthorized photos a crime punishable by a $50,000 fine. The bill also allows lawsuits against media companies that publish such photos. As the ABC News clip above points out, Schwarzenegger himself has been the victim of paparazzi pursuit, and he signed another bill a few years ago that tripled the damages stars could receive if they sued paparazzi for assault. But of course, paparazzi are still chasing people, and it's doubtful whether this new bill will make much of a change either.

Parade editor Jeanne Wolf (who rocks a pretty impressive Kiss of the Spider Woman look above) tells ABC,

Everyone would applaud this law if in fact it did teach paparazzi how to be dignified in their treatment of celebrities and public figures. I don't see that happening right away. What I do see happening is a bunch of court cases.

Maybe said court cases will make paparazzi a little more careful — for a while. But as long as there's significant money to be made in the "undignified treatment" of celebrities, paparazzi are going to be as undignified as they have to be. And the truth is, they are only a very small part of America's fucked-up relationship to its actors, especially female ones. The publicity actually sanctioned by celebrities — the airbrushed covers and tedious interviews and faux-inspirational weight-loss photo shoots — is just as big a problem as paparazzi photos. The only difference is that such publicity asks us to look up to celebs, while some paparazzi pis ask us to mock them. The latter is more fun, especially given the boring, self-serving content of most celebrity profiles, but both contribute to the idea that we should be watching actors' every move. If said actors really wanted to combat this, they could stop giving interviews, posing in bikinis, and selling exclusive photos to favored magazines. Until they do, they send the message that fame is okay as long as they control every aspect of it — which is more than a little hypocritical.

Schwarzenegger Signs Tougher Anti-Paparazzi Law [AP]
Gov.'s Surprise Bill Signings: Harvey Milk Recognition, Paparazzi Restrictions And Ammo Tracking [LA Times]
Governor Signs New Anti-Paparazzi Law [ABC]

Havrilesky writes of the aforementioned personalities, "even the most ambivalent uncelebrity still seems unable to resist feeding themselves into the treacherous and soul-crushing gears of the new uncelebrity branding machine."

People love characters. The popularity of reality television has brought us all kinds, from "real" "housewives" to young ladies from the Hills. Andy Warhol once said, "Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes," and while it may be true, it's not necessarily a good thing. The fame-seekers, narcisissists and megalomaniacs in the spotlight "entertain" us, but never for very long. And, as Raina Kelley writes for Newsweek, "reality TV hates women." While we would never stand for a network drama or sitcom in which women are, in Kelley's words, "weak, shallow, vain, stupid, gold-digging, desperate delusional bitches," that's pretty much the standard casting requirement for reality shows like Bridezillas or Real Housewives.

Kelley says shows in which the women are horrible, bratty, dumb or catty have a motive, but it fails:

I think these shows are trying to raise our self-esteem, but simply showing us women who are crazy is a quick fix. It's like eating candy bar when you're exhausted. It raises your blood sugar, but in the long run, it just makes things worse. I want the kind of self-esteem that comes from my abilities and potential, not from other folks' shortcomings.

And Havrilesky asks an excellent question: "Where are the real celebrities in all of this?" (She answers her own query by noting that exhaustive magazine coverage has made us weary of A-listers like Jennifer Aniston and Lindsay Lohan: "celebrities got pretty boring, once we got to know them a little better.") Havrilesky continues:

The paid professionals who polish celebrity images to a high gloss while spackling over every unusual or unrelatable quirk that might limit a star's ability to move the maximum volume of product off the shelves have effectively retouched themselves out of a job. Because, as it turns out, seconds after celebrities began inviting us into their recently redesigned kitchens, we no longer cared. We were warmly welcomed into Tom Cruise's Colorado ranch house and shown framed photos and leather couches and Suri's little playhouse under the stairs, and we understood it all to be exactly as interesting and authentic as a meticulously constructed movie set. As far as we could tell, celebrities spent all of their time doing the same thing: shopping at Barney's while talking to their managers on their cellphones, then dashing home to bleach their teeth. These days, the headlines may try to make stars look more ordinary, and therefore vaguely interesting ("Brad Pitt Keeps Fresh With Baby Wipes, Reveals Costar"), but we know better.

But just thinking about the word "star" — a heavenly body out of this world, untouchable — makes me nostalgic for a time I maybe never knew, when people were famous for their talents; when a certain mystery enveloped an actress or singer, when we weren't privy to unsolicited uterus updates, didn't know about baby wipe habits, and no one from a reality show claimed to be "too famous" to do a different reality show.

The Triumph Of The Uncelebrity [Salon]
Reality TV Hates Women [Newsweek]

As the NY Times would have it, commissions for enormous vanity portraits are on the rise in La-La Land. Salma, Angelina, George Hamilton (who, oddly, has eight portraits) and a slew of producers and directors have exercised the rich person's time-honored prerogative of having an artist slave for hundreds of hours over a life-sized likeness of themselves. Many cited in the article claim to have "agreed" to have themselves painted to help out an artist friend, several of whom are described as the wives of big execs. It must also be said that the portraits appear to generally be cheesy and awful. But it's not all fun and vanity!

Still, even for those used to being trailed by a crowd of photographers and sized up in every waking moment, living with a portrait can cause a certain amount of angst. What, after all, does hanging a life-size portrait of yourself in your living room or bedroom risk saying to others about the depth of your narcissism? Even in a town famous for ardent self-love, isn't there a real possibility that your portrait will make you the butt of jokes at the Grill?

Many, after all, face the narcissist's dilemma of not wanting to appear narcissistic while still, you know, owning life-sized portraits of themselves. Where, after all, to hang it? This begs the question: what's the point of having these done? Is it just the irresistible, ancient allure of making an artisan slave for you? Is it not enough to have the objective record of a camera: you need the trappings of classic wealth, and the carefully orchestrated proof that someone was forced to view and portray you a certain way? I've seen some beautiful portraits of people's children, and in these cases it's clear that there is a more timeless quality to a piece of art than a standard baby picture. But there's also something far... weirder.

There is a six-foot portrait of me and my ex-boyfriend that hangs over his bed, which is...strange. I have never seen the painting, which a friend did based on an old photograph and delivered post-breakup. The ex has explained that the placement is purely a subject of geography: there is no other wall in his studio big enough to accommodate it. I don't know how his girlfriend feels about my staring down from the wall judgmentally all the time; I know I feel weird having a Dorian Gray-style representation of myself hanging out in South Brooklyn. Which, I guess, sheds a little light on Hollywood's mania: with so much manipulation out of their purview, it's got to be comforting to have one representation they can totally control, own and display when - and if - they see fit. A literal and figurative reclaiming of their images. Or am I giving them too much credit?

Enough About Me. Like My Portrait? [NY Times]

• Oh dear: Lindsay Lohan's Ugly Betty episodes were cut from six to four. A source says: "It was a mess. Lindsay would show up every day with an entourage of people. She smoked 24/7, and after she left, they had to repaint her dressing room it was such a mess." Plus! in a scene where Betty is supposed to pull down Lindsay's pants, America Fererra did and LL wasn't wearing underwear. But! A different source says "America was mean to Lindsay. Producers give her too much power. Lindsay didn't do the last two episodes because America didn't like her and got her kicked off." Drama! [Page Six]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham is on the cover of Vogue India dressed as an Indian bride in a sari. There's a joke here about currying favor, right? [The Sun]
• Beyoncé would like for you to call her Sasha Fierce. Her new double album will be called I Am… Sasha Fierce. She explains: "I have someone else that takes over when it's time for me to work and when I'm on stage, this alter ego that I've created that kind of protects me and who I really am. Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I'm working and when I'm on the stage." It's call compartmentalization. Look into it. [Reuters]
• Ali Lohan didn't go to her grandfather's funeral because she didn’t have time to get her hair extensions done the day before and didn’t want anyone to see what horrible hair she has. [ONTD]

• Madonna may give Guy an extra £5million if she can dictate when he gets to see the kids. [Daily Mail]
• Guy Ritchie was "in pieces" after seeing that picture of Rocco Ritchie in a Yankees T-shirt. "He's actually been crying over it," says a source on the set of Sherlock Holmes. "He's in a terrible state but is doing his best to be on form at work." [Us]
• Some model named Tania with 37 inch legs has claimed she continued seeing Guy Ritchie after he dumped her for Madonna... Plus, some say Madonna never got over her fear that Guy secretly liked Tania better. [The Sun]
• Michael Madsen was removed from his home Monday after a family member became frightened of his behavior. He was taken to the hospital on a 5150 (involuntary psychiatric hold, the same as Britney, back in January). [TMZ]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley were on Oprah talking about boys. They support each other's choices, Mary-Kate explains. "If she doesn't like him, I won't like him. If she likes him, I'll like him." [People]
• Adrien Brody bought a motherfucking castle. There are pictures. The poster describes girlfriend Elsa Pataky, whom he blindfolded and surprised the castle with on her birthday, as a "lucky bitch." Agreed. [ONTD]
• Matt Lucas of Little Britain got a quickie divorce from partner Kevin McGee. The first celebrity gay divorcee? [Daily Mail]
• Ellen DeGeneres has stuff to say about Sarah Palin: "Basically, she wants to change the Constitution. I don't like it. I don't agree! And maybe it's because I'm gay that I think we should all be equal." [People]
• Bare tires and debris on the runway could be the cause of the plane crash that killed four people and injured Travis Barker and DJ AM. [People]
• Jessica Alba shows off her kid- and eco-friendly house in In Style magazine. [People]
• Justin Timberlake teamed up with the Jonas Brothers, Rihanna, 50 Cent, Leona Lewis and others for a fundraiser for the Shriners' Hospitals for Children. How did he get everyone to participate? "I actually wrote letters," Justin says. "I was old fashioned. I didn't have to stalk anyone." The benefit raised more than $1 million. [People]
• George Takei calls William Shatner's YouTube rant "silliness." Takei says he did invite Shatner to his wedding, but that Shatner never replies or shows up for stuff. [ET, Daily Express]
• Julianne Hough was rushed to the hospital on Tuesday after Dancing With The Stars but she says "I'm fine." She just had a bad stomach ache. Before going to the hospital, she changed out of her Lucy costume but forgot to take off her over-drawn lipstick. "I was like whatever; I’m sure they see a lot worse there.” [People]
• Dominic Monaghan will be on Chuck, in his first major TV gig since Lost. Click for an interview with Charlie from Drive Shaft! [EW]
• Halle Berry bought a house in St. Hippolyte, Quebec, for her, the baby, and boyfriend Gabriel Aubry. It's a humble abode on 63 acres overlooking the Molson Lake. And peut-être le bébé will speak Français, oui? [Perez Hilton]
• 50 Cent has finally reached an agreement over visitation rights for his 11-year-old son. He gets one weekend a month and one month in the summer, plus half of spring and winter breaks and alternating holidays. [Perez Hilton]
• Prime Minister Gordon Brown had to explain to Nelson Mandela who Amy Winehouse was at Mandela's 90th birthday. Harder to explain: Why Amy was singing "Free Blakey, my fella" instead of "Free Nelson Mandela." [Telegraph]
• Eminem's memoir delves into his personal struggles: "Rap is one big Fantasy Island," Eminem writes. "It’s the place I always retreat to when things get too hectic in real time… If you go back and look at the abuse that I took, it’s no surprise I became who I am. Someone I don’t really want to be." [NY Times]
• Is Cloris Leachman "sucking the life" out of Dancing With The Stars? [TMZ
• Lil Wayne is the father of a new son, Dwayne Carter III. The identity of the mother is not known. 26-year-old Wayne also has an 8-year-old daughter [Us]
• Harrods owner Mohamed Al Fayed (father of the late Dodi) has been questioned by police over allegations of a sexual assault on a girl under 16. He vehemently denies the claims. [BBC News]
• Gavin Rossdale says Kingston's been bullying baby Zuma: "It’s mainly a one-sided fight right now because Zuma’s pretty defenseless. But he’s not a small baby, so I think that Kingston’s got a couple years left and then he’s gonna get in trouble." [Just Jared]
• Benji Madden was seen hugging a random blonde and kissing her on the cheek; the headline is "Benji Cheats On Paris!" [Star]
• Despite reports that Zac Efron would be in the fourth Pirates Of the Caribbean movie, he has not been cast. Zac says: "It's just a rumor." [People]
• As reported in Midweek Madness, Mandy Moore has stopped speaking to her mother, who left Mandy's dad for a woman. "When Mandy's mom came out as a lesbian… Mandy felt betrayed," a source says. "[She] feels as if she's been lied to her entire life." [Star]
• Peaches Geldof has been "hard at work" refining her American accent. "Her conversation is littered with the words 'dude' and 'like.'" Plus! She told people she was married in "Nevada, Texas." [Daily Mail]
• Usher will perform at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, which will be taped at Fontainebleau Miami Beach and broadcast Dec. 3 on CBS. Expect to see Heidi Klum, Alessandra Ambrosio, Selita Ebanks, Doutzen Kroes, Adriana Lima, Marisa Miller, Miranda Kerr and more strut in skimpy, ridiculous lingerie. [UPI]
• Speaking of Usher, word is his marriage on the rocks. [StereoHyped]
• Ouch, Jack White pulled out of the MTV Europe Music Awards after slipping a disc in his neck. A source says, "Jack’s still in a lot of pain. He hoped it would have cleared by now but the injury is refusing to heal." This could affect his plans to promote his Bond theme with Alicia Keys, boo. [The Sun]
• Annie Leibovitz says that when she shot the Queen a while back, "We were all very nervous. The Queen came down the hall and she looked a little perturbed. I knew something was up." She also notes: "We have to remember her age and she was wearing a 75lb cloak." [Telegraph]
• Spotted having lunch at New York media's fave restaurant, Michael's: Heather Mills and Page Six's Richard Johnson. [mediabistro]
• Pretend to be Daniel Craig with the Quantum Of Solace video game. [Independent]
• Former Atomic Kitten singer Kerry Katona slurred her words and had a "meltdown" on live TV earlier this week; now this paper has videos of the "Top 10 Celebrity Meltdowns." [Mirror]
• Rosie O'Donnell will star and executive produce a Lifetime Original Movie called America: the powerful story of one boy's emotional struggle through the foster care system. [PR Newswire]
• Curb Your Enthusiasm will be back for a seventh season. [Ain't It Cool News]
• Speaking of Larry David, he's written an essay for HuffPo about how he can't wait for November 4th. "I'm anxious all the time and taking it out on my ex-wife, which, ironically, I'm finding enjoyable… Five times a day I'll still say to someone, 'I don't know what I'm going to do if McCain wins.' … I'm paranoid, obsessive, nervous, and totally mental." [Huffington Post]
• "I feel like they tolerate me... like when you're burdened with something unpleasant and you cope with it. There's always, 'Oh, look at you — you don't like to wear dresses!' But they say it in such a nice way that, for the first 10 years, I guess I was like, 'Oh, how nice, even though I don't dress like them, they still like me.' It's good to be dumb because you don't get hurt. They are nice, they're honest. You know where you stand. And I do appreciate that. But (when they said) 'Oh, you have your own style,' I think after that one (comment) I was like, 'Oh, I get it now - you don't like anything about me.'" — Lisa Kudrow, on her French in-laws. [Daily Express]
• "I have been in relationships that can make you doubt who you are and what you are capable of, and doubt what you deserve. It took me a bit little longer to get it right." — Jennifer Lopez. [People]
• "We've met a couple times and he is good-looking, yes. But personality? Hmmm. He could work on it." — Susan Francia, Olympic rower, on Michael Phelps. [Page Six]
• "I've reached the time of life where father roles are coming my way and they're a hell of a lot more interesting than young lovers." — Colin Firth [The Star]