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parenting
Is The Jamie-Lynn Spears Story Giving Bonnie Fuller A "Soul"?
Every Midweek Bonnie Fuller writes a column for the Huffington Post about ha ha ha, celebrities are such dysfunctional and amoral people, and how great it is for momanity that celebrities are such bad mothers so we don't have to feel guilty etc. etc. And every week the thing is so offensive — Bonnie Fuller, so you know, veritably invented celebrity tabloids and if I had any power I'd see that she was tried at the Hague for the ritual slaughter of sextillions of American brain cells — that we feel compelled to actually send it hits. But today's column is different. Clearly rushed to press and free of Bonnie's typical cross-promotional links to the results of online polls in Star, it seems that Lynne Spears' probable sale of the story of Jamie Lynn's pregnancy to OK! has touched a nerve with Bonnie Fuller.Lynne Spears, what were you thinking? Or not thinking and not doing? Did you never sit down with either of your daughters—Britney, now just turned 26, and the divorced mother of two toddlers or Jamie Lynn, 16 and now three months pregnant—and give them The Talk?Um, maybe it just didn't stick? More »
fuller of shit
Holidays Got You Down? Be Thankful You're Not Breaking Bread With Brangelina!
It's that time of year, so let's give thanks to Bonnie Fuller. She's the editorial genius who brought us Us Weekly in its current incarnation and now brings us Star. Without her, we would arguably have no a menagerie of well-styled, wealthy people with flexible workweeks to pointlessly follow in the pages of US and Star. Why'd she bestow upon America this "gift" in the first place? We'd always figured, you know, "money." But last week she wrote about how the relentless coverage of Britney and Angelina's questionable parenting choices actually serves a useful societal purpose: it makes merely neglectful parents feel a lot better! And just in time for the holidays, she offers this salve to people who merely loathe getting together with your families: At least you're not Brangelina! More »
midweek madness
Our Weekly Roundup Of Celeb Tabs Reveals: Most Celebs Still Thin; Heidi & Spencer Still Offensive
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, the Wednesday refresher course in all the week's most important news we provide you free of charge so you don't fail the exam. In which we (and our trusty TA who does all the work) Intern Maria "read" the Wednesday celebrity tabs. So you don't "have" to.
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midweek madness
It's A Paris-Free Zone For The Tabloids, Which Can Only Mean One Thing For Heidi Montag And Spencer Pratt...
Welcome to Midweek Madness, our weekly binge on the sort of celebrity content we usually try so fastidiously to avoid every other day of the week. In which we "read" the Wednesday tabs. So you don't "have" to.
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midweek madness
Jennifer Aniston's New Boyfriend: A Bigger Prick Than Vince Vaughn?
Welcome to Midweek Madness, wherein we ruminate on how celebrities are just like us, in that we hate them commensurately to the degree we hate ourselves. In which we "read" the Wednesday tabs. So you don't "have" to.
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midweek madness
Brangelina And Billary Go Head-To-Head At The Newsstand
Today is Wednesday, which means we actually left our homes thinking that the celebrity tabloids would be there and we'd have to post about Lindsay Lohan yet again. Curiously, however, that did not happen. In fact, something about a national holiday and Bonnie Fuller being Canadian resulted in a newsstand devoid of new non-news with the lone exception of Star and something pink ["Salmon-colored!" -Ed.] called the New York Observer, which is like Star in that it has Lindsay Lohan gossip but is printed on cheaper paper because its readers are richer and its premises are slightly more, uh, "meta". Anyway, we soon realized that both rags were chock-full of unhappy marriage dissections and so we decided to investigate further. More »
midweek madness
Hollywood Has Been Eating Its Egg-White Omelets
Welcome to Midweek Madness, our Wednesday roundup of the antics of the rich and rehabulous. In which we "read" the celebrity tabs. So you don't "have" to.
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midweek madness
Hips May Not Lie, But 'Star' Magazine's Standard Of Integrity Probably Best Described As "Truthiness"
It goes without saying that we try to defend Jessica Simpson in all she does and wears so you knew we were going to take issue with Star magazine's decision to run these side-by-side shots of her now and back in slightly svelter (a word? who cares!) days, especially since you know how we believe on principle that it's just really mean-spirited and toxic to make fun of celebrities who cannot lose weight despite VIP access to cocaine, Rachel Zoe, and all those veterinary drugs that give you the metabolism of a horse. But seriously, guys! We just took some pictures of intern Maria, who has anorexia AND a tapeworm, at the same "after" angle in the above "after" picture of Jessica and we had to get into some crazy, like, tantric Cosmo position to do it! Have you tabloids lost all sense of decency and/or propriety? Any girl looks hippy when shot from the angle of a dirty floor! More »
midweek madness
MIDWEEK MADNESS: 'InTouch' Says The VA Tech Killer Was Angry About A Girl; Tabs Still Mad At Brangelina, Kissing Britney's Lipodissolved Ass
Welcome to Midweek Madness, our weekly orgy of ill-fated hookups, grand philanthropic gestures and other celebphemera. In which we "read" the Wednesday celebrity tabloids. So you don't "have" to. More »
midweek madness
Midweek Madness: Britney Still Planning On Becoming Thin! And Other Celeb Non-News
Welcome to Midweek Madness, our weekly orgy of celebrity tabloid gossip, weight fluctuations and bad outfits. In which we "read" the Wednesday celeb weeklies. So you don't "have" to. More »
midweek madness
MIDWEEK MADNESS: Paula Abdul Mistakes Church For Frathouse; 'Star' Wins Our $3.49
Welcome to Midweek Madness, our weekly orgy of celebrity dysfunction, botched romances and weight fluctuations. In which we "read" the Wednesday tabloids. So you don't "have" to.This week's glossies are a testament to the fact that we don't actually care about celebrities because we know or care who they are; we care about them for the same reason we care about Amy Fisher, or the diaper-wearing astronaut: because they they're hot crazy messes, which may be why the beleaguered hot crazy mess of a magazine Star wins this week's newsstand smackdown despite its lame attempt to pull the old "WALKS OUT!" — ha ha! of the house, silly! — trick on us poor consumers again. And the reason is someone we have never cared and will never care about, Paula Abdul:
Just after noon on March 25, Paula Abdul and a guy who looked a lot like beau Tony Schiena "were carrying on so much I thought they should get a room," says an eyewitness who spotted the duo. "She was rubbing his chest and kissing him," and whispering so loudly that"people were moving away from then because they were so much of a distraction." what's even more shocking is where this make-out episode took place: inside St. Cyril of Jerusalem Roman Catholic Church in Encino, Calif., during High Mass!
After the jump, Paula passes out, then regains consciousness and stumbles out of church in about the same amount of time we spent tabulating our preliminary, completely superficial assessment of the Wednesday tabs. More »
wednesday magness
Wednesday Magness: US Weekly Turns Against Angie, Katie Holmes Looks Pretty Fucked
Welcome to Wednesday Magness, in which we "read" the celeb tabloids. So you don't "have" to. More »
penelope cruz
When bad clothes happen to beautiful women.
We like Penelope Cruz, even if she was Tom Cruise's beard, because she's very beautiful and stylish and wouldn't know size zero if it came up behind her and started sucking all her curves away. More »
We read 'em so you don't have to.
Who's fat, who's feuding and who caught what from Paris Hilton this week, after the jump with our celebrity weekly round-up.
Who's fat, who's feuding and who caught what from Paris Hilton this week, after the jump with our celebrity weekly round-up.
jennifer aniston
Machiavelli couldn't have planned it better.
We salute you Jennifer Aniston - you truly know how to fuck with the celebrity weeklies! More »
ok! magazine
Amazingly, now that OK! has learned to look and sound just like all the other kids in the playground, it appears to be gaining popularity, hitting the 500,000 mark at last.
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Everything's gonna be OK!
Amazingly, now that OK! has learned to look and sound just like all the other kids in the playground, it appears to be gaining popularity, hitting the 500,000 mark at last.
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