• Jon Gosselin's having the worst week ever. Earlier, a judge ended his reality TV career and in his divorce from Kate Gosselin today, she got the house and most of the money, while he'll be making huge child support payments.

• An arbitrator decided Jon should pay five figures a month in child support and the $235,000 he withdrew from their joint account was deducted from his settlement (all of the money Kate withdrew really was spent on the kids). Maybe it's time to get a real job. [TMZ]
• "I am very relieved that our divorce has been finalized, and I look forward to the New Year, focusing on the children," said Kate Gosselin in a statement. "On behalf of myself and my legal team, I want to express my deep appreciation to the Judge and his staff, as well as to the arbitrator, for resolving this case. This has been a challenging transition for all of us, but I am confident that we will move ahead with the important task of restructuring our lives." [Radar Online]
• Beyonce's mother Tina Knowles has filed for divorce from her husband Matthew Knowles. A paternity suit was recently filed against Matthew and the documents say they "ceased to live together as husband and wife on or about January 5, 2009," the day of their 30th wedding anniversary. [TMZ]
• Gisele Bundchen revealed that she and Tom Brady named their son Benjamin in a post to her fans on her website. She thanked them and wrote: "I am living a very special moment in my life, Benjamin is a blessing and I could not be happier." [People]
• The Wayans Brothers' former assistant is suing them because he claims they stole their literary masterpiece You Know You're A Golddigger from him. [AP]
• Gross: During a trip to Universal Studios, Michael Jackson's children spotted browsing near the Magnet Max store, which sells pictures of them mourning at their father's funeral for $1.99 each. [Radar Online]
• The Michael Jackson tribute concert in Vienna that Jermaine Jackson was organizing has been cancelled. They couldn't find anyone willing to perform in the show after acts including Mary J. Blige, Chris Brown, and Natalie Cole pulled out. [Reuters]
• Lily Allen was supposed to perform at the charity show Mencap's Big Noise Session on Saturday, but she cancelled because she has a "severe recurrent throat infection." [The Mirror]
• As Keira Knightley predicted, her debut on London's West End stage drew mixed reviews. [AFP]
• Jessica Simpson's extremely drunk makeup artist was arrested early this morning for disturbing the peace and sources say Jess went to the jail to bail her out, but police said the woman was still to drunk to be released. [TMZ]
• The YouTube channels on teen stars including Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, Ashley Tisdale, Vanessa Hudgens, and the Jonas Brothers were hacked today so that the front page showed a black screen with a letter on it that collectively spelled out "fuck you." Miley Cyrus' page has the message "I hate Asian." [Radar Online]
• Sources say Tiger Woods' mom Kultilda Woods is "hurt, angry and disappointed in Tiger. She wants to know how he could do this to his family.... She loves him and will support him through anything, but she needs some time to work through this... It was devastating to her. She likes Elin, and adores her grandchildren. She's worried about them. She doesn't want to see them hurt." [People]
• Thursday on The View, Elisabeth Hasselback asked Stanley Tucci if his wife, who died of cancer in May, had seen The Lovely Bones. She Tweeted today: "It was an honest mistake with stanley tucci today & i called him to apologize," she wrote. "He forgave me (such grace)- if only i could forgive myself..." [Radar Online]
• Rescue Me executive producer Peter Tolanbring says the show will bring back Maura Tierney, who had to leave the show after having surgery for breast cancer. He said her episodes will be shot in the spring, "so she can take care of herself and come back then." [People]
• Shane Sparks, one of the judges on the MTV show America's Best Dance Crew, has been arrested and charged with eight counts of child molestation. There is only one victim, a woman who says the "oral copulation and other acts" started in 1994 and continued for several years. Earlier this year Sparks co-star Alex Da Silva was charged with rape. [TMZ]
• Morrissey wrote on a fan site: "I am sorry that [his latest album] Swords was such a meek disaster. It was proposed and accepted as a budget-priced CD, yet emerged everywhere as the most expensive CD in the racks. It was poorly distributed and didn't stand a chance, and ranks as the lowest chart position I've ever encountered." [NME]
• Diddy says his 3-year-old twin girls are "Talking a lot more and they're very demanding... 'Sit down. Don't go anywhere, stay here, do this.' They give me a lot of orders. When they tell me to sit down, everything else gets put to the back burner." [People]
• Sophia Loren says of her famous quote, "Everything I am I owe to spaghetti," "It's not true! I never said it. 'I owe everything to the spaghetti?' It's not true. They put it in my mouth and it still goes on. It's not true. So silly. Can you imagine?" [CBS News]
• Emily Blunt says that while researching Queen Victoria for The Young Victoria, "The thing that shocked me was the required hand-holding down the stairs and Victoria's mother's sleeping in the same room as her daughter until she was 18. How suffocating that must have been, and not being allowed any friends or to read books - basically to be deprived of anything that could be inspiring or influential in any way." [WSJ]
• Sigourney Weaver says, "I changed my name when I was about twelve because I didn't like being called Sue or Susie. I felt I needed a longer name because I was so tall. So what happened? Now everyone calls me Sig or Siggy." [Esquire]
• "I love well-made clothes and its fun and it's a delight to get to borrow them and wear them. I love fittings as part of an actress' life, but it's not a preoccupation for me and I think that's the difference. I have tremendous respect for designers. ... I'm very fond of the world, but I'm not preoccupied. That's a big difference between myself and Carrie Bradshaw." — Sarah Jessica Parker [AP]
• Q: What do you think of Donald Trump? Rue McClanahan: I think of him as little, as infrequently as possible. But I do think he has a very bad hairdo." [N.Y. Magazine]

• Jersey Shore stars The Situation and Pauly D are going Hollywood: They're looking for a condo in L.A.

Snooki is not. "I'm an East Coast girl," she says. But Ronnie is hoping to go Hollywood as well: "Hopefully, I'll get a comedy career out of this," he says. "Just do something. Ride it out. There's a lot of opportunities out there, you know. I'd like to be a part of them." If these people end up having some kind of showbiz longevity what does it mean for our culture as a whole? [E!]

• Mandy Moore and her flat flat tummy are on the cover of Shape, and inside, she says: "I need to be more consistent about taking care of myself no matter how busy I am." Apparently she wants to change her eating habits and go on vacation. (That makes two of us.) Mandy claims: "The last time I took a real break was two years ago with my girlfriends in Costa Rica… This year Ryan and I want to go somewhere that's just for us – no work!" [People]
• Yesterday on The View, when talking to Stanley Tucci about The Lovely Bones, Elisabeth Hasselbeck asked him if his wife had seen the movie. Tucci's wife died last year. [Page Six]
• In a video at the link, Emily Blunt is completely charming as she talks about Young Victoria. And! She sort of does the "Single Ladies" hand wave! [Pop Wrap]
• "Here's the cougar who claims she taught Tiger how to be an animal in bed." No thanks! [NY Post]
• Tiger Woods has "been spending his days in seclusion — eating cereal and watching cartoons." [NY Post]
• Tiger Woods' wife Elin Nordegren is telling friends that a "divorce is 100% on." [Mirror]
• Jaimee Grubbs, whom this column refers to as "Tiger's gal," just posed for Maxim. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Tiger Woods' other ladyfriend, Jamie Jungers, has naked pictures of Tiger passed out drunk. Allegedly. [Radar Online]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin's divorce should be final before the end of the year. [Mirror]
• Kid Cudi is leaving Lady Gaga's tour? Who will open for her now? [Gatecrasher via Billboard]
• Oliver Stone loved shooting Wall Street 2 in New York so much that he bought a condo downtown. His neighbors? Amy Poehler and Will Arnett. [Page Six]
• NYC celebrity hotspot the Beatrice Inn closed in April but could reopen in a new location, says owner Paul Sevigny, aka Chloe's brother… According to a source. [Gatecrasher]
• 2005 ANTM contestant Nik Pace is suing the father of her child — New York Jets wide receiver Braylon Edwards — for child support. [Page Six]
• Russell Crowe is threatening to sue a guy who wrote a "funny" book about cricket. [News.com.au]
• Here's video of LaToya Jackson shopping at Target and picking up a Rihanna CD instead of a Chris Brown CD. [TMZ]
• Mark Salling, aka Puck from Glee, is dating Audrina Patridge and they're "really into each other." [Gatecrasher]
• The Wayans brothers have a book called 101 Ways To Know You're A Golddigger, and a former assistant says it was his idea, only his book proposal was called You Know You're A Golddigger When…. [NY Daily News]
• Pamela Anderson is playing the Genie of the Lamp in a UK stage show of Aladdin. A critic says her performance is "crushed by the weight of expectation, limited technique and a truly dazzling lack of effort." [NY Daily News]
• Ugh: Here, details from the trial of the man who is accused of stalking Ashanti and sending disgusting messages to her cell phone. Ashanti's mom/manager testified that she was "terrified" and: "I'm thinking, in my mind, rape." [NY Post]
• Country music legend Loretta Lynn was battling the flu but now she "feels great," and is planning on visiting the Bahamas over the holidays. Be well! [AP]
• "The last time I was at [the restaurant] 21 was when I was 12 and nominated for a Tony for High Society. It was around the same time as the Belmont race and all the women had on big hats and I thought, 'Wow!'" — Golden Globe nominee Anna Kendrick, at a 21 Club luncheon honoring Up in the Air. [Page Six]
• "It was very important for me to be a mom." — Padma Lakshmi. [Gatecrasher]
• "It began 17 years ago, and [it's like] the loud sound of an unoccupied radio station or television station … but there is a harder element to it. I think of it as an evil sound. I'm listening to it now. It's like a fuse … SHITCH-ssssssssssssssssss … going on and on and on and on, and you LIVE in the anticipation of the explosion that fuse is crawling toward." — Yikes, William Shatner has tinnitus, a persistent, incurable ringing of the ear. [MSNBC]
• "We were at dinner once with Tom [Cruise] and Katie [Holmes]… and everyone was like, "Let's start a singing game!" [Singing in public is like my] worst nightmare. I was texting [a nearby] friend, saying 'Please, invite me to your table!'" — David Beckham. [Gatecrasher via Us]

[Image via MTV.com]

The Lovely Bones is the story of Susie Salmon (Saoirse Ronan), who is murdered in 1973 by her neighbor George Harvey (Stanley Tucci), after he lures her into his underground den. After her death, Susie, stuck in "the InBetween," watches as her father (Mark Wahlberg), mother (Rachel Weisz), grandmother (Susan Sarandon), sister (Rose McIver), brother (Christian Thomas Ashdale), and a detective (Michael Imperioli), cope with her death and try to solve her murder.

Reviewers say director Peter Jackson, who wrote the film adaptation along with Lord of the Rings screenwriters Fran Walsh (also Jackson's wife) and Philippa Boyens, doesn't do the book justice. While the novel allows readers to create their own image of the afterlife Susie creates for herself, critics dislike Jackson's tacky, overly-saturated CGI vision of heaven. Most of the performances are strong, especially Ronan's, but frequent interruptions by Jackson's fantasy world and a preachy, "Oprah-esque tone" undermine the emotional story of how each family member deals with their grief.

Though the film tones down the more disturbing aspects of the book by having Susie murdered off screen and only hinting at her rape, critics are still offended by how Susie's story is handled. While Jackson's early horror films and Lord of the Rings' work demonstrated that he's fascinated by gory details and Heavenly Creatures revealed an ability to tell a more delicate story, in The Lovely Bones critics say there is too much fantasy and horror, and Jackson shies away from the heart of his source material. Below, the reviews:

NPR

Sitting through Peter Jackson's film of Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones is an ordeal. I'm not talking about the subject. The book opens with the rape and murder of a 14-year-old girl, so even a good adaptation would be an ordeal. But Jackson's adolescent New Age computer-generated fantasyland is an excruciating fusion of the novel's primal trauma and his own sensibility, which is more at home with juvenile, male-dominated Lord of the Rings epics. There isn't a second that rings true - on any level.

Rolling Stone

The novel never flinched, the movie does. But Jackson, who builds jolting suspense when Susie's sister enters the killer's lair, is drawn to a spiritual dimension. He may oversaturate the Claritin-ad colors in Susie's in-between place, but he infuses the film with a sense that what lies beyond may have the power to heal. All this is conveyed in the remarkable performance of Ronan, an Oscar nominee for Atonement. She and Tucci - magnificent as a man of uncontrollable impulses - help Jackson cut a path to a humanity that supersedes life and death.

Time

Tucci plays the killer not with a madman's sneers and cackles but with a quiet malevolence; he's never more ice-shivery than when he's pretending to be normal. Such a performance could have upset the movie's balance if Wahlberg hadn't provided the solid foundation of parental devotion. The center, of course, is Ronan, the Irish teen best remembered as the girl whose lie set lives tumbling in Atonement. As the dead girl hovering over her family like a guardian angel, Ronan makes Susie seem an ordinary child whom catastrophe has made otherworldly-wise. Through Jackson's art and Ronan's magic, the obscenity of child murder has been invested with immense gravity and grace. Like the story of Susie's life after death, that's a miracle.

The Los Angeles Times

Other elements, including The Lovely Bones' imaginative notion of what Susie's afterlife looks like, are strong, but everything that's good is undermined by an overemphasis on one part of the story that is essential but has been allowed to overflow its boundaries. That would be the film's decision to foreground its weirdest, creepiest, most shocking elements, starting with the decision to give a much more prominent role to murderer George Harvey. Expertly played by Stanley Tucci, so transformed by makeup as to be almost unrecognizable, Harvey is such an unsettling, toxic individual that the actor says he came close to turning down the role. It's not only Harvey that we see in sometimes grotesque detail, it's the bizarre decorations of the underground murder site that we watch him ever so carefully plan and build, as well as the realistic bodies of his previous victims. And there is of course the chilling time the family spends trying to solve Susie's murder.

Entertainment Weekly

Jackson reduces his Lovely Bones, in the end, to the dramatic contrast between the menace of a hateful killer (will he be caught?) and the grief of a loving father (can he avenge his daughter's death?). Sebold's Lovely Bones, on the other hand, is fleshed out with the perilous, irresistible power of sex - the author acknowledges a real world of extramarital sex and sex between young lovers in addition to the heinous rape from which moviegoers are shielded. The filmmaker handled the sexual power of girls beautifully in 1994's Heavenly Creatures. But here he shies from the challenge, shortchanging a story that isn't only about the lightness of souls in heaven but also about the urges of bodies on earth. Jackson forfeits depth for safe, surface loveliness.

The A.V. Club

The Lovely Bones is often moving, almost in spite of itself. Jackson draws excruciating tension out of scenes where the audience knows exactly what's coming but the characters don't, and his dreamlike, allusive handling of Ronan's murder is stunning. The afterlife scenes are gorgeous, even though they often seem to be ultra-glossy updates of sequences he managed with more heart back in 1994 with Heavenly Creatures. And Ronan remains a tender, touching performer, though Wahlberg edges perilously close to his bug-eyed sincerity mode from The Happening. But for all its successes, Bones remains more crafted than sincere, more meant to look achingly pretty on the screen than to resonate in the heart.

The New Yorker

The book was brought off with considerable delicacy-it's really an affectionately detailed portrait of a suburban girl's life. Literalized in the movie, the material is closer to a high-toned ghost story. Jackson intermingles family goings on with Susie's gossamer interventions, and some of the brushed-with-ether imagery verges on the uncanny. Yet Jackson has become an undisciplined fabulist: the movie is redundant and undramatic. Heaven is notoriously harder to make interesting than Hell, but Jackson has outdone other artists in cotton candy-there are luscious hills and dales, and gleaming lakes and fields of waving grain, and sugarplum fairies with music by Brian Eno rather than by Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky. The Lovely Bones has been fashioned as a holiday family movie about murder and grief; it's a thoroughly queasy experience. The lesson that Susie has to learn is that she must "let go" of her past life. Meanwhile, skilled, opportunistic artificers like Alice Sebold and Peter Jackson won't let go of a chance to mingle life and death.

Newsweek

Onscreen, however, The Lovely Bones is a hybrid of unmatching parts-shuffling between thriller, police procedural, family melodrama, and mystical fantasy. There's even a section-when Susie's madcap grandmother (Susan Sarandon) shows up to help the grieving family-during which the movie verges on becoming Auntie Mame. How do you literalize heaven? It's a problem moviemakers have struggled with forever, and Jackson hasn't solved it. Sebold's notion was that everyone creates a heaven to fit her fantasies and wishes. Jackson creates the afterlife of a 14-year-old raised on '70s teen life and pop culture-a kitsch universe of greeting-card imagery and Renaissance Faire clothes. The tackiness, intentional or not, is jarring. Even worse is the vision of Susie and the other murdered girls as a happy, gamboling clan of free spirits. At such moments, the story's willful wish fulfillment seems downright cuckoo.

The New York Times

We all like children, and - at least in our capacity as moviegoers, book-club members and consumers of true-life melodrama - we seem to like them best when they're abused, endangered or dead. Nothing else is quite so potent a symbol of violated innocence, a spur to pious sentiment or a goad to revenge as a child in peril.

[Susie] is, in any case, obsessed with the lives that go on without her, in particular with the ways her siblings and friends and father (Mark Wahlberg, agonized) and mother (Rachel Weisz, narcotized) deal with losing her, something the audience never has to endure. We are always in Susie's company, soothed by her voice-over narration and tickled by her coltish high spirits. This puts a curious distance between us and most of the characters in the film - it makes us, in effect, Susie's fellow ghosts - a detachment that Mr. Jackson's stylish, busy technique makes more acute. His young heroine, played with unnerving self-assurance and winning vivacity by Saoirse Ronan, cares desperately about the poor living souls left in her wake, but it is not clear that Mr. Jackson shares her concern.... the problem with this Lovely Bones is that it dithers over hard choices, unsure of which aspects of Ms. Sebold's densely populated, intricately themed novel should be emphasized and which might be winnowed or condensed.

Slate

The Lovely Bones also exists in the in-between, located somewhere in the interstices between thriller, fantasy, crime procedural (Michael Imperioli, The Sopranos' Christopher, plays the detective who tries to catch Susie's killer), and family-in-dissolution drama. Mark Wahlberg and Rachel Weisz play Susie's grief-addled parents (they also have two younger children, played by Rose McIver and Christian Thomas Ashdale). There are moments that remind you what a master craftsman Jackson can be, like a pulse-pounding suspense scene in which Susie's sister ransacks the killer's house for evidence. But as Susie learns that avenging her death may matter less than giving her family a chance to heal, the movie takes on a weirdly Oprah-esque tone, as if determined to turn child murder into an occasion for personal growth. Scene by scene, the movie alternates between prurient violence and sentimental uplift. If it weren't for the luminous performance of Saoirse Ronan (who, I've said it before and I'll say it again, is going to be a huge star), this would be the kind of movie you'd give up on halfway through.

Variety

With reddish hair, brilliantly alive eyes and a seemingly irrepressible impulse for movement and activity, Ronan represents a heavenly creature indeed, a figure of surging, eager, anticipatory life cut off just as it is budding. Less quicksilver and more solidly built, McIver's Lindsey properly begins in her live-wire sister's shadow only to grow gradually into an impressive figure. Chain-smoking and depleting the liquor cabinet, Sarandon camps it up for a few welcome laughs, while Ritchie seems a likely candidate for teen idolhood. Mainly, it's Wahlberg and Weisz who are shortchanged by the film's divided attention between earthly agony and astral accommodation. Both thesps are OK as far as things go, but that's not nearly far enough.

The Wall Street Journal

And at this point in his working life he can use the prodigious digital resources of Weta, his production facility, to conjure up infinite worlds of special effects. Which, heaven help us, is exactly what he's done to visualize the Inbetween. The result is dumbfounding and ludicrous in equal measure, a too-muchness that makes the excesses of What Dreams May Come seem downright spartan. If Reader's Digest did music videos they might look like this. The screen pulses with bathos and swirls with surreal images, some of them shamelessly intercut with the life of Susie's bereaved family on earth-giant ships in giant bottles, fields of daisies, butterflies, cute dogs, cherry blossoms, baobab trees out of The Little Prince, a hot-air balloon, ice sculptures, snow-covered mountains, a gazebo in a lake, the same gazebo in a corn field, the same field lighted by a lighthouse. By the time Susie finally ascended to the highest realm, I was not only aghast but so exhausted by her surfeit of experience that I heard, as if touched by magic myself, those deathless lyrics from Talking Heads: "Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens...."

The Village Voice

In Jackson's hands, The Lovely Bones is doubly appalling. Part Disney's Alice in Wonderland, part Fritz Lang's M, the movie is horrific yet cloying, alternately distended and abrupt, sometimes poignant and often ridiculous... As the novel suggests a form of talk therapy, Jackson's adaptation is a misguided tribute to the magic of the movies-which have always specialized in reanimating the dead. But there is something to be said for representing the actual world and there are some things that can only be visualized in the mind's eye. What heaven could have been more radiant than a child's view of her suburban neighborhood-what spectacle more divine than Susan Sarandon's wig?

Salon

The Lovely Bones is a fiercely delicate and often funny piece of writing, a work of fantasy with a solid footing in reality, and it wouldn't be an easy book for any filmmaker to adapt. Jackson (aided and abetted by frequent collaborators Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens, who co-wrote the screenplay with him) has reinvented Sebold's story in the most facile and heedless way imaginable: He's turned it into a supernatural thriller.

The Lovely Bones is a perfect storm of a movie disaster: You've got good actors fighting a poorly conceived script, under the guidance of a director who can no longer make the distinction between imaginativeness and computer-generated effects. The result is an expensive-looking mess that fails to capture the mood, and the poetry, of its source material. David Byrne once sang, "Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens." There's way too much going on in Peter Jackson's heaven — and yet it isn't nearly enough.

• Angelina Jolie has a "secret family" she's "kept hidden for years."

She's been paying to support seven orphans — three girls and four boys — at the SOS Children's Village in Amman, Jordan. During her recent visit to the Middle East, she took Brad to see the kids, who live together in one house with a foster mother. Image at the link and, as always, consider the source. [National Enquirer]

• Beyoncé threw a star-studded 1920s-themed birthday party in the Dominican Republic for Jay-Z's 40th; Kanye West, Amber Rose, Diddy, Alex Rodriguez, Kate Hudson, Alicia Keys, Lyor Cohen and Tory Burch were in attendance. [Mirror, Page Six]
• As seen in a Snap Judgment, Lady Gaga met the Queen of England last night; the former wore a modest latex gown. On stage, she wore an Elizabethan collar, and played a Dali-esque piano 30 feet in the air from a cushion suspended by chains. The very definition of restraint! [Daily Mail]
• A woman was rushed to the hospital from Tiger Woods' home in Florida this morning. All we know is that she is blonde, and that the ambulance was followed by a car with another blonde woman driving. [Newser, People]
• The assumption is that the person in the hospital is Elin Nordegren's mom. [TMZ]
• TMZ has a random blurry pic of Tiger Woods chatting up a waitress at a Las Vegas nightclub. [TMZ]
• Tiger Woods will not be the best man at Byron Bell's wedding this weekend — Tiger's not even going to the event. [TMZ]
• TMZ saw the admissions chart when Tiger was in the hospital the day after Thanksgiving and paperwork says Tiger was there because of an "OD." [TMZ]
• A Florida trooper tried to get Tiger Woods' blood results from the hospital — suspecting DUI — but was denied. Preferential treatment? [CBS News]
• Tiger's wife Elin Nordegren has purchased a mansion in Sweden; it's on a small, secluded island reachable from Stockholm only by ferryboat. Will she move there? [NY Daily News]
• Tiger Woods' mistress Jaimee Grubbs was given a VIP table next to Lauren Conrad and near Leighton Meester at an LA club. Why? That's unclear. But this column is titled "Tiger's Tails Live It Up." [Page Six]
• FYI: George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis are still dating, though you may have heard a rumor that they broke up. Her dad says: "My daughter is happy and at peace… There is genuine affection between my daughter and Clooney." [UPI]
• 50 Cent says: "Susan Boyle is hot right now. I got to get her on a track, for real." OMG that could be awesome. Fiddy adds: "She's cool. I'd love to take her clubbing, show her around my world. She'd have a great time." [PopEater via Mirror]
• Lindsay Lohan is headed to India, where she's filming a BBC documentary about impoverished kids. [Page Six]
• LOL: "Madonna stayed away from Courtney Love at the bash for Tom Ford's movie, A Single Man." [Page Six]
• Just when you thought that Tiger Woods had knocked these fools out of the news: Hailey Glassman calls Jon Gosselin "a monster" in this video. She says Jon and Kate Major and told her that Kate Major was going to "pretend" to be Jon's girlfriend to take the tabloid heat off of her. "Stupid me," Hailey says. She explains that then she found out that Jon slept with Kate Major. Hailey also says: "I was with a liar. I loved a liar. I was lied to constantly." [Radar Online]
• Um... Hailey Glassman is still living with Jon. And: "I'm not on speaking terms with my mother because of Jon. He's thrown a huge fork in my family. That's the saddest part about all of this. When all the cheating accusations came out I'd catch him lying, he'd call my mother and tell her 'I love Hailey, I would never cheat on her. Those other girls are whores and they're trying to extort money from me.' At that point I would break up with Jon and tell him to leave me alone. My mom would then come to me and say, 'Jon's a great guy.' He would manipulate my mother because he knew my mother and I were best friends. He would manipulate my mother to get back to me and I would forgive him." For the love of God. [Radar Online
• Jon Gosselin was named the "most provocative" person of the year by HLN. "Jon Gosselin was the tabloid train-wreck gift who just kept on giving!" says Showbiz Tonight senior executive producer David Levine, with glee. [CNN]
• Alexa Ray Joel is recovering at her father's estate in Long Island. [NY Daily News]
• This columnist notes that Alexa Ray Joel is "a piano woman in an age dominated by Beyoncés and Rihannas, a torch singer with a taste for Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald, writing her own music, booking her own gigs, and distributing her CDs independently. The fact that she has skills and a couple of famous parents didn't necessarily make her artistic life easier… what happened this weekend was also a poignant reminder of just how dispiriting it can be to be a young artist at a time when record deals only seem to go to reality-show contestants, and radio consolidation has made it harder for niche artists to find an audience." [The Daily Beast]
• ABC may have had issues with Adam Lambert, but not Fox — he'll be singing on So You Think You Can Dance. [Page Six]
• Mickey Rourke will marry his girlfriend Elena Kuletskaya in Moscow in April; his thrid marriage and her first. Mickey and Elena met when she was coaching him in Russian dialogue for Iron Man 2. [Page Six]
• Kate Bosworth will star in Lost Girls & Love Hotels, written by Nadia Conners and directed by Young Victoria's Jean-Marc Vallee. She'll play a woman who tries to forget her past by living in Tokyo, where she's a flight attendant trainer by day and "sex- and drug-addled" by night. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Tori and Candy Spelling are communicating, says Dean McDermott. "Candy has seen the kids, which is what this is all about." Does this mean that they're no longer using the media as voicemail? [People]
• Peeps in LA: Prepare yourselves for a Pee-Wee comeback! He is doing a new stage play — The Pee-Wee Herman Show — with puppets and all of the original characters: Chairry, Genie, Conky, Magic Screen, Miss Yvonne and Cowboy Curtis. All the original actors from the TV show will play their parts on stage, except for Laurence Fishburne, who has a previous commitment. But Fishburne says if there is a movie, he'll get a Jheri curl and be there. [CNN]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Amy Adams would like to know the sex of her fetus. "I thought about waiting and I just don't think that's really my personality," she explains. "It's not about planning a nursery, it's more about I just want to know. I want to be able to relate in that way. That's what works for me, but I totally believe in whatever works for the individual." [People]
• On a German TV show, Hugh Grant embraced a comedian named Anke Engelke, and she recoiled, cringed and made a face. Why, yes, there are pix at the link. [People]
• Joely Richardson says: "I cannot imagine that there will ever be a day when I don't think of [my sister] Natasha." [Daily Mail]
• Russell Brand has returned from a four-day retreat in which he studied the art of transcendental meditation. Now he can stop contemplating the universe and go back to focusing on Katy Perry's assets. [The Sun]
• Leona Lewis was flown to Monte Carlo over the weekend, where she was paid six figures to sing for "one of Romania's richest men." Maybe she changed the lyrics? Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding cash. [The Sun]
• Porn star Janine Lindemulder lost her request for expanded visitation rights for her 5-year-old daughter with ex-husband Jesse James (who is now married to Sandra Bullock). [LA Times]
• A nude photograph taken by David Bailey of Roman Polanski and wife Sharon Tate — taken shortly before she was brutally murdered — sold for $11,250 at an auction on Monday. [Reuters]
• No weasel jokes: Pauly Shore is suing his brother, accusing him of elder abuse against their mother, who has Parkinson's. [Radar Online]
• "Two physicians accused of over-prescribing addictive medication to Anna Nicole Smith will fight efforts by the state medical board to bar them from practicing medicine," [LA Times]
• The Dallas remake: Coming to a TV near you. [NY Daily News]
• "A judge has dismissed a misdemeanor domestic violence charge against gospel singer BeBe Winans after determining he had seen a counselor as required by prosecutors." [USA Today]
• "On my first day [on the set of Space Cowboys], he came into the hair and makeup trailer, and the 13-year-old girl in me took over. I flung myself across the trailer and hugged him — and I hugged him hard. I said 'Hi, I'm Marcia Gay Harden!' and he said, 'I know, I cast you.'" — Marcia Gay Harden, on meeting Clint Eastwood. [Gatecrasher]
• "[Many young American actresses] have a Nickelodeon quality to their acting, like they're goofing. We needed a girl who looked like she was from 1973 and who got the reality of the story. Saoirse is fiercely courageous. In a way, I like to think that Susie Salmon found us." — director Peter Jackson. He and Stanley Tucci both sing the praises of Lovely Bones star, 15-year-old Irish actress Saoirse Ronan — whom you may have seen in Atonement — at the link. [USA Today]
• "[A bully] calls up my phone and he's like, 'Is Taylor there?' and I just handed it to my bodyguard and I was like, 'John, give him a talking to.' So he's like, 'Yo, you don't ever call this number ever again. I put my fist through your face.' It was really great. It was effective." — Taylor Swift. [MSNBC]
• "If I have to go out on stage and, you know, jump around in a pair of hot pants I better look good, and also when I perform I'm like an athlete, I have to be in good shape. I'm not panicked, I just know what my job is, and I know that if I want to be able to wear whatever I want to wear on stage, then my body better look good." — Madonna. [MSNBC]

• Ian Halperin, who is pushing his book, Brangelina : The Untold Story, claims that Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston had a "heated confrontation" at a deserted Hollywood restaurant after Brad and Jen's 2006 divorce. Halperin says:

"Jen was upset and shouted at Angelina . . . There was an altercation, it got pretty heated . . . It reduced Jen to tears." Um, he also claims that before meeting Brad, Angelina was "interested" in other married men: "She said she wanted to go after either Bill Clinton or Johnny Depp." But for business reasons, no? Anyway: Grain of salt. [Page Six]

• Dumb/untrue headline of the day: "Only Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Would Take An Eight-Year-Old To See A Film About Nelson Mandela." [Daily Mail]
• Roman Polanski began his house arrest in an Alpine chalet in the luxury resort of Gstaad today. [AP]
• Miley Cyrus's tattoo allegedly says "Just Breathe," but the rumor that she got her boyfriend's name inked probably started since she dated a dude named Justin. Just, Justin. Just saying. [Daily Mail]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller: So back on? Or just friends? [Page Six]
• "Sources" say that the reason Rachel Uchitel canceled her press conference about Tiger Woods is because Tiger gave her $1 million. [MSNBC]
• TMZ says Tiger didn't pay Rachel, but that she canceled her press conference because she was "scared for her safety" and fears"all the other people caught in what is becoming a very large net." What the hell does that mean? [TMZ]
• According to a report, Tiger Woods' mom and mother-in-law were at his house the night of the incident and came outside after the cops showed up, with Tiger's mom asking, "What happened?" [USA Today}
• "Sources say Bryon Bell, a childhood friend and President of Tiger Woods Design, bought a plane ticket for Rachel Uchitel to go to Australia in mid-November to secretly spend time with Tiger. The ticket was purchased by Bell using a credit card. He also booked a room for Uchitel at the Crown Towers Hotel in Melbourne." The trip, of course, was booked to coincide with the Australian Masters, which Tiger won. [TMZ]
• TMZ has emails between Byron Bell and Rachel Uchitel. [TMZ]
• Tiger Woods is allegedly offering his wife Elin $80 million to stay for seven years in a revised prenup. Worth it? [NY Daily News]
• Destiny's Child is reuniting — in court for a lawsuit over the song "Cater 2 U." A source says: "Matthew [Knowles] has a long history of trying to get songwriters to add Beyoncé's name to songs she didn't compose, just so she gets publishing royalties." Kelly Rowland is pissed, apparently, that she is even involved. [Gatecrasher]
• The usually conservatively dressed Taylor Swift wears a bikini in a new video clip. [NY Daily News]
• WTF headline of the day: "Kim Kardashian: I'm Back to My Ninth-Grade Weight." Next goal: 3rd grade! Then sexy as a fetus! [E!]
• This picture of some of the kids from Glee about to sing in Bryant Park = awesome. [Gatecrasher]
• Hollywood kids in love! Patrick Schwarzenegger is seeing Tallulah Willis. [Page Six]
• Naomi Campbell went to Art Basel in Miami and a source says: "She was pretty rude, didn't bid on anything, and spent the whole time clinging to her boyfriend. Who shows up to a charity event with a bodyguard?" Is she obligated to bid on anything? What if the bodyguard was for her wealthy Russian beau? This story reeks of sour grapes. [Page Six]
• Rihanna told some radio station DJs that she likes a tall guy with a big dick. Audio at the link. [TMZ]
• In an unrelated incident, Rihanna was the subject of a random search at LAX. [NY Post]
• The other Real Housewives of NYC don't like new housewife Sonja Morgan. "I had never watched the show before I joined, " she says. "If I had, I probably wouldn't be on it." [Gatecrasher]
• It's Britney's birthday! Celebrate with this "28 Years In 28 Pictures" column. [Pop Wrap]
• Busta Rhymes was fined $75,000 because a man claims he was assaulted by the rapper at a concert. [NY Post]
• Steve-O has been clean and sober and criminal violation-free for 18 months, earning him dismissal of a cocaine-possession charge. [E!]
• "There's 16 different licenses that I do; I do acting, music and TV. It's a lot of fun, so right now we're creating some different TV shows which I'm going to star in as well as produce and I'm just finishing up my new album." — Paris Hilton has a new perfume and a bunch of other projects and she is not going away. [Mirror]
• "It's hard for me. My wife passed away seven months ago and I don't want to think about the afterlife. I don't believe in that sort of thing. It'd be nice, if it were there. Woody Allen has that great quote where he says he doesn't believe in an afterlife, although he's bringing a change of underwear. That's how I feel." — Stanley Tucci, who plays a pedophile in The Lovely Bones, which deals with life after death, in a way. He shot Julie & Julia afterward, and says: "That film was the antidote to this one, and was exactly what I needed to do. I stayed at home, worked with Meryl, laughed a ton and made martinis every night. We're like two children together and laugh all the time, which is why we get along so well." [WSJ]
• "Of course, we feel like for us to put out an album titled Greatest Hits would maybe insinuate that we've got nothing left. I look at it as the end of Chapter 1—the first 15 years. I never thought we would last more than two albums. It wasn't meant to be a band. I would've called it something else if it were meant to be a band. Something other than Foo Fighters, I swear." — More great quotes from Dave Grohl at the link. [Time]
• "I'm getting my child a mortgage. She split time between New York and L.A. growing up, but she's a New Yorker. It's a house in the West Village, which is all she wants in life." — Courtney Love is giving Frances Bean property for Christmas. [Style.com]
• "There were a ton of paparazzi in the café with their huge cameras and laptops. I was like, 'Peter, oh my god, they are so into us. They're swarming us. We are so important.' It turns out Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise were living on that street. It was the winter, so the photographers would go into the café to download their pictures."— earlier this year, Maggie Gyllenhaal thought she and Peter Sarsgaard were the toast of New York. [E!]
• "I feel the consequences of that every day. I was going to put the hose in the most noxious of the cars I own, a Jeep, take some sleeping pills and take a nice nap in the front seat of my car in the garage." — Alec Baldwin, on calling his daughter a "rude, thoughtless little pig" in a voicemail. [Daily Express via Men's Journal]
• "It's been amazing [to have twin daughters] but complicated because of my current work schedule, which I have enormous regrets about… One would prefer to be held 24 hours a day, and the other is already suffering from type A issues. It is the eternal conflict of every working woman. I've done this to myself. And I have a wonderful, wonderful nanny who allows me to be a working person. The great challenge for me is to be all things to all people; I want to be a great mother, and I want to feel good when I'm at work. But it is hard." — Sarah Jessica Parker regrets filming Sex And The City Part Deux. [NY Daily News via Glamour]

The film, which comes out today, was written and directed by Nora Ephron and cuts between scenes based on Julia Child's memoir My Life in France and Julie Powell's 2005 book Julie and Julia: 365 Days, 524 Recipes, 1 Tiny Apartment Kitchen. Both Julie and Julia are happily married, but not sure what they want to do with their lives. The film depicts Julia's life in France in the late '40s and '50s, as she enrolls in Le Cordon Bleu, discovers her passion for cooking and publishes the seminal cookbook Mastering the Art of French Cooking. About 50 years in the future, Julie Powell lives in an apartment in Queens and works in a government job she hates, tending to the families of victims of the World Trade Center attacks. In 2002 she decides to cook her way through every recipe in Mastering the Art of French Cooking and writes about it in a blog originally published on Salon.com.

Julie & Julia is a rarity: A movie about the mentoring relationship between two women that doesn't focus on them trying to find a man. Both Julia's husband Paul Childs (Stanley Tucci) and Julie's husband Eric Powell (Chris Messina) are supportive of their wives' pursuits. Paul Childs accepts his wife's need to find her calling at a time when that was not considered a necessity for women. Eric Powell has to learn to take his wife's cooking seriously when many people consider cooking oppressive housework rather than a liberating activity. As one critic notes, the film makes "deboning a duck a feminist act."

Every review said the scenes featuring Julia Child were far better, as a modern day woman cooking in her apartment and blogging can't really compete with the iconic cook, her odd but passionate marriage, and the romance of post-war Paris. While critics said Amy Adams performance was good, they found her character Julie Powell hopelessly whiney and narcissistic. Or, as the Wall Street Journal review put it, her scenes were "dollops of margarine that barely hint at butter." (As noted on the blog Humor Slays Me, the reviews were teeming — or maybe boiling over — with bad food puns.) Many thought the film would have been better as just a Julia Child biopic, and one reviewer even suggested someone should make a bootleg edit excising all the Julie scenes. Below, we check out the reviews for Julie & Julia.

Salon

Streep isn't playing Julia Child here, but something both more elusive and more truthful — she's playing our ideaof Julia Child. When Streep's Julia nearly loses that omelette on TV, she pooh-poohs the possible dangers of dropping food on the floor: "You're alone in the kitchen. Whoooooooo's to see?" The line, and the way Streep draws it out, is just one measure of the intimacy of this performance. We're not observers here, but conspirators: We know exactly where the food has been, and we're not telling.

New York Magazine

That's the case with Meryl Streep as the middle-aged Julia Child in the comedy Julie & Julia: What begins as a great impersonation becomes a marvel of sympathetic imagination. The performance is transcendental. Streep's voice is deeply musical, starting in the chest and erupting into that burbling falsetto with its trills and diphthongs. The voice is Streep's way into Child's pleasure centers, and the body-stiff-shouldered, sloshing around like an ocean liner-follows along in a kind of daffy interpretive dance. Streep isn't tall, but she's photographed carefully and projects height; she understands that the six-foot-two Child learned not to be ashamed of her size but to go with it. Her Julia is a force. At one point, she falls into bed with her husband, Paul (Stanley Tucci), and one's instinctive response-"Julia Child having sex … Ewww …"-gives way to, "Julia Child having sex … Awesome!" Anything to hear that voice in full, happy throttle!

But when Ephron cuts between Paris in the fifties and Queens in 2002 to show Julia and Julie as they both achieve autonomy through cooking, The Godfather Part II this ain't-the connection is strained. (The Child material is based on her memoir My Life in France, written with her nephew, Alex Prud'Homme.) Julie's character doesn't even track. She's referred to as a "bitch," but all we've seen is the patented Ephron adorable klutz. (Adams is too good to waste on Meg Ryan parts.) Ephron should make a film about the person she herself is (smart, acid) instead of the cutie-pixie of her dumb fantasies.

Associated Press

The Julia parts in Julie & Julia are a delight. The ones about Julie? More like an annoying distraction.,,,Julie, by contrast, isn't so well-defined; it isn't so easy to connect with her. The deeper she delves into her cooking project and the more she withdraws from her enormously supportive husband (Chris Messina), the more whiny, narcissistic and unlikable she becomes - which is surprising given Adams' seemingly boundless charm. Working her way through Julia's groundbreaking tome (co-written by Louisette Bertholle and Simone Beck) feels more like a tedious chore or a source of wacky slapstick than a proud accomplishment, as Ephron focuses on Julie's culinary screw-ups. Despite the clever idea of juxtaposing both women's lives, this really should have been a biopic of Julia Child, if only to hear Streep say more things like "beurre blanc" in that distinctive, high-pitched voice. Now that would have been a meal worth sinking your teeth into.

Hollywood Reporter

Powell's story about her single-minded engagement with Child's cookbook has an almost unpleasant taste of self-absorption. And by sharing that story with Child's, Ephron throws the wrong emphasis on Child's delightful memoir of the early years in her ideal marriage to Paul Child. True, the movie shows that Paul — played with modest self-effacement by Stanley Tucci against Streep's larger-than-life Julia — encourages his beloved wife's every experiment in the kitchen and the writing of her seminal book. But by contrasting that memoir with Powell's, the movie somewhat distorts the life the Childs share as they revel in their love for la belle France and each other....Adams' Julie is more of a lost soul. She lives with a "saint," as she often calls her husband, Eric (Chris Messina), in an iffy apartment above a pizza parlor. She works in a federal government office overlooking the World Trade Center crater and laments that she has never finished anything in her life. Thus her determination to complete the cookbook marathon. She suffers for her blog. She drags herself to that cramped kitchen whether sick or well. She refuses to quit because it has become her identity. Without the "Julie/Julia Project," she'd revert to a frustrated wife with a dead-end job and another unfinished project. No joie de vivre here.

The San Francisco Chronicle

The movie just assumes that Powell is a sympathetic figure. Then it goes about justifying the juxtaposition of the two women by finding shallow parallels between them. In fact, their differences in moral stature and achievement are staggering: Julia Child passionately applies herself in an effort to do something worthwhile and finally achieves a foothold in success after 13 years of hard work and setbacks. Meanwhile, Julie, piggybacking on the efforts of a great woman, tries to get famous by writing a blog - and succeeds inside a year. On the way to her book and movie deals, she whines, throws tantrums and puts her poor husband (Chris Messina) through utter hell.

The Village Voice

The tome is an absolutely delightful read in which Powell uses Child and, in particular, Child's 1961 cookbook Mastering the Art of French Cooking, to discover "what it takes to find your way in the world," as she wrote. Yet all Ephron saw in that tale was just another dreary romantic comedy about a woman, played by a slow-simmering Amy Adams, who hates her job (tending to the families of people killed in the World Trade Center attacks-Powell's office was perched over the gaping wound), hates her friends (climbers as self-obsessed as she), hates her apartment (in Queens, over a pizzeria), and escapes into cooking and writing about cooking till she leaves behind her supportive husband, Eric, played by Chris Messina, but only briefly, whew. The book, originally shopped as a stand-alone project, could have made for a scrappy, scrumptious indie-all the outer-borough funk and main-course "fucks" of the book left intact, Bridget Jones doused in Béarnaise sauce and vodka gimlets. But Ephron has excised the heart (and gizzard and liver and so on) from Powell's tale. How could the writer-director not see that she had rigged this patently unfair game of Compare and Contrast?... Perhaps someone will do forJulie & Juliawhat one enterprising Star Warsfan did for Episode I: The Phantom Menace, when he released a bootleg shorn of that annoyance named Jar-Jar Binks and titled it The Phantom Edit. Surely there's room enough in this world for two Meryl Streep movies named Julia.

The Wall Street Journal

The remarkable thing about the Julia segments, given Ms. Streep's daring flirtations with caricature, is how full and affecting they prove to be. Yes, Julia's windmill arms are outlandish; so is her awkward, stentorian French and her religious belief in the miracle of butter. Yet she's an endearing figure, a woman who digests the life around her with enormous gusto while she's breaking the gender barrier at a Cordon Bleu cooking class or, much later, after fame has struck, digests with incredulity her husband's advice that she ought to be on TV. Mr. Tucci's Paul plays a subordinate role in the story, but his dry wit and calm love are perfect counterpoints to the intensity of Julia's enthusiasms.

Entertainment Weekly

Amy Adams nails the obsessiveness of Julie's devotion to her muse, Julia. She also captures the tactile pleasures, and challenges, of cooking (how in God's name does one bone a duck?). And Ephron gives us nothing less than the first full-scale Hollywood portrait of the life of a blogger, in all its creative fire and solitary, caffeinated, how many comments did I get?midnight narcissism. Yet the movie wants to make Julie an edgy ''bitch'' and soften her at the same time, which doesn't exactly jell.

The Los Angeles Times

Though both women have loyal and encouraging husbands (played by fine actors Stanley Tucci and Chris Messina) who are crucial to their success, this is the rare Hollywood film where it's the men who are the support team, not the women. Julie & Julia is very much a female coming to power story, which is one of several reasons why the producers were fortunate to get Ephron to write and direct.

Though a bit overshadowed by Streep (who isn't?), the gifted Adams is essential in making this two-part story work. Playing a character that is more ordinary than the actress' past efforts (think the princess in Enchanted) but still a tad eccentric, Adams turns Julie into someone we always care about no matter what shenanigans she is going through.

The New York Times

Julie & Julia proceeds with such ease and charm that its audacity - a no-nonsense, plucky self-confidence embodied by the indomitable Julia herself - is easy to miss. Most strikingly, this is a Hollywood movie about women that is not about the desperate pursuit of men. Marriage is certainly the context both of Julia's story and of Julie's (about whom more in a moment), but it is not the point. The point, to invoke the title of a book whose author has an amusing cameo here (played by Frances Sternhagen), is the joy of cooking.

The conceit of parallel lives is undone by the movie's condescending treatment of Julie and also by its ardent embrace of the past at the expense of the present. From the very start, Paris in the late '40s and early '50s is - well, it's postwar Paris, a dream world of fabulous clothes, architecture, sex, food, cigarettes and political intrigue. And New York in 2002 is made, a little unfairly, to seem drab and soulless by comparison. Queens, demographically the most cosmopolitan of the five boroughs and something of a foodie mecca, is treated with easy Manhattanite disdain, as a punch line and punching bag. The unevenness of Julie and Julia is nobody's fault, really. It arises from an inherent flaw in the film's premise. Julie is an insecure, enterprising young woman who found a gimmick and scored a book contract. Julia is a figure of such imposing cultural stature that her pots and pans are displayed at the Smithsonian. The fact that Ms. Ephron, like Julie herself, is well aware of this gap does not prevent the film from falling into it. All the filmmaker's artful whisking can't quite achieve the light, fluffy emulsion she is trying for.

The Boston Globe

People who knew or worshiped Child will question some of the movie's details. Did she and Paul, for instance, really have this much sex? Was he this romantic? ("Where's my big sprig?'' Paul says to his wife.) But that misses the larger point of these scenes. When in an American movie do regular people have that much sex? Plus - and this is important - Stanley Tucci is very sexy.

A few people have worried that Adams's half of the movie isn't as lively or as brightly lit as Streep's (it isn't) - or that Adams isn't Streep. But it isn't that the Adams half suffers from Adams not being Streep. It's that Julie suffers (as all American cooks do) from not being Julia. And this is why the Powell parts of the film work. It's Ephron's way of coming to terms with a real consequence of post-feminism. Powell is a woman in a job she hates who finds a source of liberation doing something certain liberated women still see as oppressive housework. She turns to Child's book partly as therapy, partly as anthropology. Cooking used to be about cooking, but in so many ways it's became about politics, and the politics loosely start to take their toll on Powell's marriage. Powell's loving husband, having been trained to accept her as a professional equal, now has to learn to take his wife's kitchen work seriously. Paul Child is just as fully evolved, but free of any angst over his wife's success. He's rooting for her.

Slate

Because the movie turns on plot points no bigger than "Will my book be published?" and "Is the boeuf bourguignon overdone?," Julie & Juliamay be dismissed as insubstantial fluff, a ditzy "women's picture." And it's true that Nora Ephron doesn't rank among our nation's deepest thinkers, though she shows a surer directorial hand here than she has before. Still, the relationship at the heart of this movie-between a female mentor and pupil who never meet but who share a common passion and a drive to reinvent themselves-is one you don't often see depicted in the movies. Julie & Julia makes deboning a duck a feminist act and cooking a great meal a creative triumph.

The Worst Julie & Julia Puns [Humor Slays Me]

• Kiefer Sutherland may be looking at a minor assault charge in NYC for headbutting designer Jack McCollough. The real problem?

He may have violated the probation of his L.A. DUI conviction. If so, it's back to the slammer. [People]

• According to this report, Kiefer Sutherland will surrender today and be charged with with third-degree assault for his "attack" on Jack McCollough. [NY Daily News, TMZ, E!]
• Kiefer will get a desk ticket for the headbutt — meaning he won't be jailed and he's free to travel. [NY Daily News, NY Post]
• Donald Trump intends to make a decision about Miss California Carrie Prejean very soon; additionally, the guy from the website which has been releasing "controversial" photos of her says he has more, and he intends to post them. [E!]
• The Carrie Prejean semi-nude pictures will "roll out" slowly. [CNN]
• Chris Brown's lawyer, Mark Geragos, has filed legal papers asking the LAPD to state how the picture of Rihanna was leaked to TMZ. If there was misconduct by law enforcement, Geragos will file a motion to have the case dismissed. [TMZ]
• Oprah wrote her Time 100 essay about Michelle Obama on her BlackBerry: "And then I went to hit the wrong button and the whole thing deleted! I went to hit 'Save' and instead I hit ... 'Oh my God! Oh my God! It's gone!' That ever happened to you? And then you can't remember - not one sentence you wrote." What did she do? "I couldn't even think for two days… I couldn't even, like, think of a sentence. I stared at the BlackBerry, then I hit every button trying to make it come back. I hit 'Options.' I did everything!" Then she started over. [New York Mag, Gatecrasher]
• Lindsay and Sam: Romantic relapse? A source says Sam might take LL back. They've been texting and "having visits." But another source says: "Lindsay plays stupid mind games saying she is being pursued by major celebrity actors. She has a lot of free time to play all these childish games. Sam knows in her head, life is truly better off without Lindsay." [People]
• This paper claims that Lindsay Lohan "chased her ex-lover across LA yesterday before finally tracking her down at 2am and demanding one of those horrible late-night discussions." [Daily Mail]
• Steve Zahn had to touch Jennifer Aniston's ass for the new flick, The Management, and says: "We had to do it so many times. It's so weird, very awkward and bizarre. [But] she's a pro, a gifted actor, humble, modest, a genuinely kind person. She has no agenda. She's just a really beautiful person." So wait: she's not desperate and lonely, sobbing over an empty uterus? Huh. [People]
• Jennifer Aniston says if there's gonna be a Friends movie, "they should hurry up." [Mirror]
• Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper: Flirting??!?!?!?! [Page Six]
• In the new Marie Claire, Beyoncé says that when she was singing for the Obamas in January, she was almost overcome: "I had to tell myself, 'They asked you to do this. You have to do a great job. This is their history. Calm down. Calm down… I barely made it. Literally seconds before the song started, I was crying like a 5-year-old." [People]
• In this video, some dude who works security at a Pennsylvania motel says Jon Gosselin from Jon & Kate Plus 8 shows up frequently and was seen "romantically kissing" a woman who was not his wife. [Radar Online]
• "Twilight fans fell in love with Robert Pattinson as a vampire who makes girls swoon. But in Little Ashes, which opens on Friday, the actor explores a relationship that could reshape his heartthrob image." No one wants you to forget that he sexes a dude in this flick. No one. [Reuters>]
• Another day, another Michael Jackson lawsuit; this one involves a former publicist who claims, "Mr. Jackson has elected not to honor the financial obligations of our contractual relationship." She wants $44 million. [TMZ, Reuters]
• Reese Witherspoon is thought to be connected to a man named John Witherspoon, who left Scotland in 1768 and went on to witness the signing of the Declaration of Independence. A BBC series, A History Of Scotland, will tell his story. [Daily Express]
• Guess who's started working out with Tracy Anderson — Gwyneth and Madonna's trainer? Emma Thompson. [Daily Express]
• Are cops in Massachusetts targeting celebs in Massachusetts? What's with all the searches on Tom Brady and Matt Damon? [E!]
• Dr. Phil has fired 15 members of his staff. "It was a bloodbath… People who had worked together for years suddenly were unemployed," says a source. Ouch! Someone call Oprah. [Perez]
• WTF headline of the day: "When Harry Met Tranny." (Daniel Radcliffe had dinner with a drag queen.) [The Sun]
• JJ Abrams says of the original TV series Star Trek: "I remember appreciating it, but feeling like I didn't get it." He was not a Trekkie! "I had no idea there had been 10 movies! I still haven't seen them all." [Guardian]
• Speaking of Trek, Zachary Quinto couldn't do Vulcan fingers while filming and JJ Abrams had to glue his fingers together. [Page Six]
• Director Robert Rodriguez was working on an adaptation of Barbarella — with Rose McGowan playing the Jane Fonda role, naturally — but the project is now dead. No orgasmatron! [MTV]
• Jennifer Aniston, Holly Hunter, Elizabeth Banks, Catherine Hardwicke and cinematographer Petra Korner will be honored at the 2009 Crystal + Lucy Awards, presented by Women in Film. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Katie Holmes will star in a thriller called Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, scripted by Guillermo del Toro. Xenu knows she could use a hit flick. [Variety]
• Robert De Niro and Edward Norton will star in an indie psychological thriller Stone, about a a correctional officer (De Niro) who is seduced by the wife of a convicted arsonist (Norton) up for parole. [Variety]
• Susan Boyle is now in the top 5 list of most watched viral videos, right under Soulja Boy and something called Achmed the Dead Terrorist. [NY Daily News]
• Megan Fox wants to be like George Clooney: "He's sarcastic, and he has a different girlfriend constantly. It's considered charismatic. He's like this James Bond, sexy dude. The older he gets, the better he gets. It's a double standard. To be outspoken, or different at all, is a problem for women. As soon as you curse or, God forbid, make some sort of sexual reference that's a joke, you're (labelled a party girl). They don't do that with men, so I feel it would be a lot easier." [Mirror]
• This was in Midweek Madness, but here it is again: Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate is a "tattooed bisexual." The horrors. [The Sun]
• Liz Hurley thinks people look sexier in the country than in the city. Also, she likes to have sex on sheepskin rugs in front of fireplaces. [Daily Mail]
• In 2000, Jemima Khan's plane was hijacked; she says her hair turned white after the incident and she's had to dye it ever since. [Daily Express]
• A new biography reveals that Stephen King "spent most of the Eighties on an extended drug and alcohol binge which so fogged his mind that even today he cannot remember working on many of the books he wrote during that period." [Daily Mail]
• Ryan O'Neal says Farrah Fawcett has "lost her famous hair" from battling cancer. [Daily Express]
• Ryan O'Neal also says: "It's a love story. I just don't know how to play this one. I won't know this world without her." [People]
• Trent Reznor is pissed at Apple, because a Nine Inch Nails iPhone app was rejected for having 'objectionable content." [NY Daily News]
• RIP Stanley Tucci's wife, Kate. [Page Six]
• Olympic silver medalist Sasha Cohen is returning to competitive figure skating. Will we see her in Vancouver for the winter Olympics? [AP]
• Stephanie Tanner Jodie Sweetin is being sued for not paying her Home Owner's Association fees. How rude! [Perez]
• James McAvoy, Elizabeth Banks, Laura Linney and Anna Friel will star in The Details, a flick about a a couple who discover an infestation of raccoons in their back yard. [Variety]
• Rare Marilyn Monroe photographs for sale — on eBay. [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which film director could give Robert Pattinson a run for his money in the odor department? The big-time movie man smelled so badly during a recent shoot that even his actors couldn't stand to be around him!" [Gatecrasher]
• "Would I run for public office? A delegation of Democrats from Ohio asked me if I wanted to run for a Senate seat in 2004, and I said it was a tempting offer, but no. We already had an old actor in national politics, and it didn't work out so well. He shall remain nameless." — Martin Sheen. [Mirror]
• "The rumours aren't true. We aren't moving. So many people come up to me and say 'I hear you're moving.' We love America. We've been very happy here." — Victoria Beckham. [Mirror]
• "I've never changed my name officially. I never have and I never will. In my heart, I am still Ramon. I love the name. I would never give it up." — Martin Sheen. [Mirror]
• "I'd like to see Benson and Stabler get together...but I can't let that happen. Mariska [Hargitay] and I have been a wonderful, solid married couple now for 10 years-we see each other more than our families. It's just nice to get a different dynamic in there every once in a while." — Chris Meloni. [E!]
• "I'm looking for an encyclopaedia and a dictionary. A bit of the Boy Scouts Handbook. A person who is conscientious about the trail he leaves behind him. I'm attracted to intelligence and creativity and passion — and not necessarily the romantic kind. I want to learn from someone who is greedy for information and light and laughter and the whole world." — Renée Zellweger, on what she looks for in a man. [Mirror via Glamour]
• "We know the people whose lives are on the line-those who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender-will be there. But we need everyone there. Especially straight people." — Charlize Theron, who is encouraging Californians to attend a Meet In The Middle For Equality rally in Fresno. [E!]
• "I'm a big fan of Tyra's! She is sexy. I mean, I don't really get obsessed with anyone, but Tyra is definitely hot." — Idris Elba. [Gatecrasher]
• "I'm not fiddling about with myself. We're in this awful youth-driven thing now where everybody needs to look 30 at 60 . This is the law of diminishing returns. The trick is to age honestly and gracefully and make it look great so that everyone looks forward to it." — Emma Thompson. [Daily Express]

The Good:
Stanley Tucci needn't be so glum, he looks lovely! The pop of color in his shirt stripe is great.

Lorraine Bracco looks sleek and chic. Love her.

Christy Turlington's dress might be better with delicate shoes instead of boots, but she looks beautiful and comfortable.

Helena Christensen's dress is super sweet.

The Bad:
Petra Nemcova: Beautiful woman; ugly, cheap-looking dress.

Susie Essman plays Susie Greene, wife of Larry David's manager on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm. She's funny! But this ensemble isn't flattering or vibrant enough for her.

Crossing Jordan star Jill Hennessy's shapeless dress is almost saved by her cool necklace. Almost, but not quite.

Ed Burns seems uncomfortable, perhaps because his suit is ill-fitting?

The Ugly:
Gah, Rachael Ray. The hose! The shiny, absurd, freakin' hideous pantyhose. Terrible.

Mario Batali can rock his signature orange Crocs all he wants, but I don't have to like them.

[Images via Getty.]

The Good: Aw, Alison Till — you're one of the normals! Yay for looking normal and cute while in stupid movie people land. How did someone as cool as Blythe Danner spawn someone like Gwyneth Paltrow ? I saw Danal Gurira and started singing "Lady in Red" in my head. Dear Patricia Clarkson: You can do no wrong, on the silver screen or sartorially. Xoxo. I can haz yur awtfit, Sherri Saum? Stanley Tucci and Steve Buscemi: If only there were a bromance here.

The Bad: Ay this is just Bebe Neuwirth's finest hour. Congrats to Jennifer Missoni, the night's token "came-dressed-looking-like-baby-sitter" attendee. I don't know: I think Irina Panataeva looks a little Ramona from Real Housewives of New York in this one.

The Ugly: Griffin Dunne: Looking douchey.

[Images via Getty.]