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Close To The Heart
New York, 10:25 PM
Wed Dec 16
63 posts in the last 24 hours
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Close To The Heart |
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10/09/09
10/09/09
Was your mom good about talking to you when it came to your feelings about your dad? If so, what would she say?
10/09/09
So...what was hard for me growing up was that my mother almost never talked about my dad at all, and neither did any of his relatives. I think it was too painful for them to deal with, and maybe they thought that I wouldn't remember or have any issues to deal with because I was too young. The times I did hear anything were only these weird passive aggressive little comments, like, "Oh, you're so anti-social, just like your dad was." It became very hard for me to separate out what was really true about me and what was weird projections.
Also, I think that my mother kept things inside because she felt like it was her own, private grief, and she couldn't share it. Honestly, it is very complicated between us, with both of us dancing around issues and always feeling we are protecting each other, but also resentful of each other.
I also learned very early that the world is unsafe and unfair, and that can be pretty devastating for a child. It messes you up in terms of faith, trust, big picture stuff.
So, I would do my best to be honest about the real person who died, and not let them turn into a caricature of either pure good or pure bad. It is very easy for a child to idealize someone who isn't there, so the adults in their life can suffer by comparison. But let it be natural, like if a holiday comes up, you can mention things you used to do, or movies he liked, or what sports he played or watched. Just don't put up a wall, because that will hurt everybody.
Sorry to write so much, but this is the central story of my whole life. There's a lot there.
10/09/09
We've lost quite a few family members in recent years and we've tried really hard to meet our kids where they are. Many times when kids ask a tough question they already have an answer in mind, so (if it's appropriate) you can say, "Wow, that's an interesting question. What do you think about that?" it's often a great conversation starter and a way to take your kids' emotional temperature, so to speak.
I wish you and your little guy comfort and peace.
10/09/09
I feel so much compassion for that little girl, because I've been her. It's going to be really hard.
10/09/09
This picture is all kinds of lose. And I'm sad this occurred. Not the picture, which is worthy, but the death.
Jews are persecuted for thousands of years. They get a country after WWII. That land came from the remnants of the Ottoman Empire, which chose to side with the losers of WWI. The U.S. supports Israel, causing enmity among some Arabs and Persians. Al-Qaeda chooses to go medieval on the U.S. and hijacks planes. The U.S. launches a "War on Terror," part of which consists of handing non-compete contracts to barbarians like KBR, Halliburton and Blackwater. We manage to get some countries to go along with us. They are rewarded with the London bus and Madrid train bombings, among others. We are in Afghanistan ostensibly to deny Al-Qaeda a base of operations. But we're playing global whack-a-mole. They'll increase their presence in Sudan, Somalia, Yemen, or other places if Afghanistan isn't working out.
"You've said you don't like us and have proven it in the past, so we will fly to the other side of the earth to bomb you." How ethical is this pre-emptive strategy? It's certainly deadly, to them and us.
It makes me envy Aborigines, living in the Dreamtime thousands of years ago, isolated from the rest of the world, not owning any of the earth, just living on it.
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10/09/09
I would be glad to never see a picture like this again.
10/09/09
10/09/09
All you jezzies with family and friends in the service -- bon courage.
10/09/09
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10/09/09
Honestly though, I couldn't be prouder of my Papa.
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