<![CDATA[Jezebel: spike]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/jezebel.com.png <![CDATA[Jezebel: spike]]> http://jezebel.com/tag/spike http://jezebel.com/tag/spike <![CDATA[Top 10 Reasons Not To Visit Spike.com]]> According to Spike.com's "Top 10 Actresses Past Their Expiration Date," Drew Barrymore's "just another talking chubby face attached to a chubby body that should know better than to be projected on a giant movie screen." Guess misogyny never expires. [Spike]

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<![CDATA[7 Vampires Better Than Twilight's Edward Cullen]]> Did you see Twilight this weekend? You must have: The vampire flick raked in $70 bloody million at the box office, the top debut ever for a film directed by one woman. And it's official: Women love vampires. The folks at iVillage interviewed a professor who claims it has to do with "the erotics of anticipation," controlled passion and the "deferral of any type of sexual consummation." Sure, sure. But also: Something about blood and danger taps into the primal part of us and whispers, "sexy." Or at least: "Cool." But Edward from Twilight isn't the only undead game in town: After the jump, find seven bloodsuckers that make him look like a mosquito.

Ratings are out of a possible five bulbs of garlic.


Bill Compton, True Blood. While he's rather morose and generally humorless, at least he has fangs and doesn't glitter in the sunlight.
Rating: Three garlic bulbs



Claudia, Interview With The Vampire.
Forget Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt: The creepiest bloodsucker in the adaptation of the Anne Rice book was Kirsten Dunst's child monster, all curly hair and demon thoughts. Remember when she brought home the twins for Lestat, and they were poisoned? Evil!
Rating: Three garlic bulbs



Eli, Let The Right One In. You want awkward tweenage love story? You want blood? This Swedish art film delivers, beautifully. Eli is the mysterious girl-next-door; Oskar's a bullied kid who could use someone in his corner. This large-eyed little vamp is simultaneously sweet and unsettlingly menacing. (Check out the trailer here.)
Rating: Four garlic bulbs



David, The Lost Boys. Keifer Sutherland makes it look so cool. He's got chicks, a posse, and a cave hangout. He may or may not make you eat worms and drink blood — but that's the price you pay for hanging with the right crowd! Look, that's Bill, from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure on the far right! See how connected these vamps are?
Rating: Five garlic bulbs



Blade. So maybe he's half vampire. But Wesley Snipes was a badass VOC (that's vampire of color) with a Buddhist outlook, sharp weapons and the advantage of being a daywalker.
Rating: Three garlic bulbs



Selene, Underworld. Since she and her vamp vicious circle were so busy hunting werewolves, they weren't much of a threat to humans, and therefore not very scary. Kick ass and gorgeous, but not scary.
Rating: Two garlic bulbs



Spike, Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Many BTVS fans worshipped Angel, Buffy's brooding first love, but Spike, the devilish, quippy, smart-ass, black nail polish-wearing vamp who once said, "I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it," was actually the better character. Part Billy Idol, part Bowie, part rabid dog, Spike's cuckoo mate, Drusilla, once asked him, "Do you love my insides? The parts you can’t see?" Answered Spike: "Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet!" This is how a vampire thinks: He loves you so much he may dine on you. We never quiet get that from Edward Cullen.
Rating: Four garlic bulbs




Special mentions
: Laddie from The Lost Boys, The Count, Dracula, and, of course, Blacula.
Update/Addendum:


Box Office Report: 'Twilight' Sinks Its Teeth Into A Blockbuster Debut [EW]
Why Do We Love Vampires? [iVillage]
Earlier: Twilight At Midnight: Smells Like Teen Spirit
I Was A Teenage Trend-Hater: Despising Twilight Is Big For Fall
Twilight: "Questionable Casting, Wooden Acting, Laughable Dialogue And Truly Awful Makeup"
Breaking Dawn: What To Expect When You're Expecting... A Vampire

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<![CDATA[ Thanks to the reader who introduced us to...]]> Thanks to the reader who introduced us to MANswers, a show on Spike that answers trivia questions of interest to men, assuming those "men" are Joe Francis and some particularly repugnant 14-year-old boys. Having already answered the questions, "Can you freeze your farts and smell them later?" and, "Who's easiest, straight girls, bi chicks, or lesbians?" a video posted this month poses the question, "Where can you find babes who are best in the sack?" According to MANswers, the "perfect poon poaching paradise" is a feminist rally!! Two studies found that men report being more sexually satisfied when they are "banging a feminist." Damn it. Now men know that all of our feminist gatherings devolve into the stripping down to bikinis and slapping of asses! [Spike]

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