• A photo has surfaced of Jessica Simpson out with Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins on Friday night. A source says they're "officially dating... she has fallen hard and is smitten."

• Another source says her posse isn't excited about her latest beau. "He's just another in an endless string of Jessica's boyfriends," says the source. "They think he's too old for her. No one takes any of her boyfriends seriously anymore because she has had so many. They're sick of all of them being 'the one.'" [E!]
• Elin Nordegren's mother, Barbro Holmberg, was identified as the woman rushed to the hospital from Tiger Woods' home this morning. She's at home now, resting comfortably. [Extra]
• TMZ obtained the dispatch notes from the 911 call from Tiger Woods' home today, which contain nothing interesting. [TMZ]
• According to a source at the hospital, Barbro Holmberg was suffering from stomach pains. [TNZ]
• Gatorade is shutting down production of Tiger Woods Focus Gatorade, but a rep insists, "We made the decision several months ago... our relationship with Tiger continues." [TMZ]
• Star claims Elin Nordegren confronted Tiger Woods' mistress Rachel Uchitel twice before Thanksgiving. A friend of Rachel's says, "Rachel denied she had an affair with Tiger, and told her, ‘I've walked your husband to a table at [a NYC night club] Griffin, made sure everything was OK, and that's the extent of our relationship. It's ridiculous and crazy that people are saying that I slept with him.'" The second time she told Rachel, "I know everything," then threw her cell phone at Tiger. [Star]
• According to the dispatch log from Tiger Woods' SUV crash, Tiger's agent called the Florida Highway Patrol on the day after the accident to reschedule a meeting because, "He's still too sore from the accident." [TMZ]
• Dennis Rodman weighed in on the Tiger Woods scandal saying, "I think people expect me to do it, you know, it's just Dennis. But Tiger, that's a different story... People expect him to be this loving husband and this loving father, and this, you know, when you have that much money and that much power, of course all the hoodrats and everybody is just gonna come all out of the woodwork." [Ok]
• This article blames Alexa Ray Joel's alleged suicide attempt on her mother, Christie Brinkley. She had just come back from vacation with her mom and a source claims, "They have knock-down, drag-out fights regularly over issues relating to Billy Joel." A former family employee adds, "She would tell Alexa that her father was an alcoholic and that she had her father's genes and that she might be an alcoholic, too." [NY Post]
• Showbiz 411 insists that the Post story isn't true and points to an upbeat postcard from Turks and Caicos as proof that "Alexa had a great family holiday." Peter Cook, Christie Brinkley's ex-husband, may be the source of the negative stories. [Showbiz 411]
• Sources say Mickey Rourke will marry his 24-year-old Russian girlfriend Elena Kuletskaya in April. "They haven't booked a venue or made any solid plans. He just knows he wants to do it in April, and he's been asking what is involved in a traditional Russian wedding ceremony," says a source. [Daily Express]
• Though Elton John and his partner David Furnish are not allowed to adopt an HIV-positive Ukrainian toddler because the country does not recognize gay unions, they are working to make sure the boy and his brother "have the best health care, education and family options available to them." [AP]
• Madonna said she wound up giving her daughter Lourdes a bigger role in her "Celebration" music video because, "She's been doing rhythmic gymnastics for years and she's very flexible, she's a great dancer... it was one of those fluke things. We didn't intend for her to be in the video. We did intend for her to be in the part where she dresses up for the costumes, that we planned, but the other one where she was just dancing with the dancers... she's very friendly with the dancers and they kind of dragged her into it and you know, it was just a small little piece. It's great, she's a show girl." [Daily Express]
• Madonna says she doesn't know if her kids would rather have a "normal life," and "Anyways they don't have a choice, they're stuck with the mother they have and I think they realise there are pluses and minuses to it. I think sometimes they'd like to walk down the street and just feel like normal kids and that happens, and other times, you know, they get great bonuses and perks out of being my children and they know it and they're very grateful and appreciative for it." [Daily Express]
• Kate Gosselin says her kids are distraught over not being on TV anymore. Kate says: "They cried in the van on the way home from school the other day. I finally admitted to them, they kept asking, 'Where's the camera crew? Where's the camera crew? We miss them.' And I said, 'Our show is over.' ...Eight sobbing kids driving home from school." [Us]
• Kate Gosselin spent more than three hours serving food at a Raleigh, North Carolina restaurant as cameras filmed her. Her bodyguard Steve Neild told reporters to leave and said she was shooting a test segment for a future program. [WRAL]
• Pauly Shore is suing his brother and accusing him of elder abuse. Pauly claims their mother has been "rendered susceptible to unscrupulous behavior and other undue influence because of her condition," and says his brother improperly removed him from the board of directors as The Comedy Store in Hollywood. [Radar Online]
• Bryant Gumbel has lung cancer and had a malignant tumor removed from his chest last month. "We had told a few people, we told my family, obviously. I even kept it from my staff at Real Sports. So I'm okay for the time being," he said. "I'm hoping they greenlight me to play golf again." [People]
• Though former Geffen Records executive John Kalodner says Lenny Kravitz should take over for Steven Tyler in Aerosmith. Kravitz says, "As much as I am flattered that Aerosmith's camp would consider me to front the band, Steven Tyler is a family friend, and no voice could ever take the place of his. I hope the band stays together. They are classic." [Daily Express]
• David Guest just realized taking Michael Jackson's advice about cosmetic surgery was a bad idea. "I had surgery when I was very young and it was the stupidest thing I've ever done. Michael Jackson kept saying, 'You should have plastic surgery.' I got my nose done and he said, 'Do more, do more!' It was stupid," he said. "If I had my way, I'd go back to my original big nose with a bit of a hook in it. It looked great." [Daily Express]
• Ryan O'Neal has been visiting Redmond O'Neal every week in rehab. "Redmond and Ryan are working on their relationship. Both of them are working towards a positive and healthy father and son relationship," says a source. [Radar Online]
• In the 911 call David Hasselhoff's daughter Hayley made on Thanksgiving weekend she says: "My dad just ... he's collapsed. He's standing up but he keeps falling back down ... But then he got back up and he's fine. It's kind of scaring me." [People]
• Nicole Kidman says she likes to focus on her health rather than how much she weighs. "As Keith's a musician there are pitstops at Wendy's" she says, "But I'm six-foot tall, so it's not weight that's an issue for me, but things like cholesterol." [People]
• In the 911 call made when Brittany Murphy's husband Simon Monjack was taken to the hospital from LAX last month, the caller says he "stopped breathing" but they "revived him." [TMZ]
• Bob Geldof attacked the U.K. family court for conducting "state-sanctioned kidnap" by holding closed custody hearings, adding: "In the near future the family law under which we endure will be seen as barbaric, criminally damaging, abusive, neglectful; harmful to society, the family, the parents and the children in whose name it purports to act." [Daily Mail]
• Russell Brand says it was easy for him to win over Katy Perry's parents because, ''They love the old school Englishness. There's a thing where the mom said 'Nothing's impossible', and I went, 'well, of course, Nelson Mandela said that everything is impossible until it's done', and she went, 'Oh', and she really enjoyed that... Obviously when I heard that my girlfriend had preacher parents, I thought, 'well, this has got a huge scope for disaster' but it's actually been quite good so far." [The Telegraph]
• Justin Bobby, Speidi, Kristin Cavallari, and Audrina Patridge will be back for The Hills sixth season according to an MTV spokesperson. [People]
• Mel Gibson's estranged wife Robyn Gibson has filed court papers requesting to see copies of his Directors Guild and Screen Actors Guild health and pension plans. [Radar Online]
• Travis Barker has settled his lawsuit against defendants over the plane crash he was injured in. [TMZ]
• Celine Dion says she's going to keep trying IVF even though it turned out she wasn't pregnant this summer. "We have a wonderful child, we're extremely happy," she said. "It's not like, 'Oh my god, she's not pregnant and she's depressed,' " she continues. "You know how it works. We are great. We hope for the best, we hope to get pregnant. If it happens, it happens." [People]
• Shakira says she owes her success to her parents taking her to the park to show her kids worse off than her on the day they declared bankruptcy. "That day I made myself a promise," she said. "I promised that I would someday succeed to vindicate my parents' social and economic position. But I also wanted to do something about those kids I saw so abandoned by the state, abandoned to their own luck, without any chances to change their destinies." [CNN]
• When asked how she got into character as the grandmother of a dead girl in The Lovely Bones, Susan Sarandon said, "I drank and smoked and partied down. No, I didn't do that. I think I probably had the easiest job of anyone, because I was going against all the really difficult feelings and trying to keep everybody moving forward and remembering to live and letting the light in, literally. Plus, I was always drinking and smoking, so I have lots of props - so it was actually pretty fun." [NY Magazine]
• Sigourney Weaver says of her new film Avatar, "You won't have seen anything like it. This film is going to change the way we look at movies. The whole movie is in 3-D, even normal scenes between two people. So you feel you're in the room with these characters. You're always in the best seat in the house." [The Telegraph]
• Of being called the "Bear Jew" in Inglourious Basterds, Eli Roth says, "Well it's funny because I've always been compared to some sort of animal. On Cabin Fever they called me hair director. On Hostel one of the Czech extras saw me in a tank top and casually referred to me as Gorilka" which is Slovak for gorilla. So from that point on, it was over. Everyone was always, "Where's Gorilka? We need Gorilka on set! There was a girl who nicknamed me wolfie, so I've always been compared to some sort of furry animal. So I just embraced it — and Bear Jew felt like the natural evolution." [N.Y. Post]
• Viggo Mortensen makes a good point about why we shouldn't underestimate Sarah Palin: "I think it would be unwise to dismiss her because she is foolish and misinformed. People say there's no way she will hold any significant office, in Congress, or as president. Don't be so sure. I notice she's starting to sound relatively eloquent in that superficial way she has: ‘We gotta cut taxes and we can't keep penalizing small business'-that same old litany. She's not saying anything significant but she's stringing the words together and she's not just saying, ‘Aw shucks, I just killed a moose in Alaska.' She's stringing the words together as well as George W. Bush did in the beginning... They realized they couldn't make [Bush] sound like somebody who actually read books and cared about how he sounded-even though he had the benefits of the best possible education. It just wasn't interesting to him to sound like he made sense and to speak English anywhere near well. But what they did, very cleverly, is say, OK, he's just like us. He makes mistakes when he says stuff; he's a regular guy. And I can see the same thing happening with Palin. So do not underestimate her ability. She's not going away." [The Daily Beast]

• Rihanna made fun of Tila Tequila on a radio show, so naturally, Tila's only option was to claim that Rihanna has herpes and declare that she's now on "Team Chris."

• In a long rant on her website, Tila wrote: "Since you're still cascading around town like you're a prefect little princess, angel…..honey I hate to burst your bubbles…..but yes….yo shit really do stink, and even worse…..yo shit has STD's, known as HERPES, down in your private area." She added, "NOTE TO CHRIS BROWN: I honestly think that you have paid your dues, and I'm definitely on TEAM CHRIS NOW! GO CHRIS! YOU CAN MAKE YOUR COMEBACK AND I FULLY SUPPORT YOU! You have admitted to what you did, and apologized numerous times, You have learned from your mistakes and I think people should really leave that in the past now and let you do your thing." It's an even classier move when you consider that Tila is suing Shawne Merriman over an alleged domestic violence incident. [ONTD]
• Four photos have surfaced of Tiger Woods' alleged mistress Jaimee Grubbs wearing only a thong. She took the photos herself with a cell phone in a bathroom mirror. [Radar Online]
• Jaimee Grubbs' ex-boyfriend Richard Palermo claims, "Jaimee sent naked pictures to me. She has an iPhone so she just takes them and emails them to me. She sent them to me roughly three months ago." There's a description of what she's doing in the pictures here, if you must know: [Radar Online]
• Perez Hilton claims that people are shopping nude pictures of Rachel Uchitel taken on a cell phone. He probably got her confused with Tiger's other mistress, though there being two sets of nude cell phone pics isn't all that unlikely. [Perez Hilton]
• Rachel Uchitel told friends she did drugs with Tiger Woods before they had sex. A source calims Rachel told her, "You know you have crazier sex on Ambien - you get into that Ambien haze. We have crazy Ambien sex." [Radar Online]
• Hugh Hefner weighed in on the Tiger Woods scandal saying, "I think the only surprise in it, quite frankly, is that anybody would be surprised... If you're a good-looking guy and young and healthy, the notion that there would be something else going on, well, marriage is just a convenience. It's very nice for raising kids, but the notion that monogamy lasts forever is a wish!" Thanks, Hef. [E!]
• Jake Gyllenhaal referred to Reese Witherspoon as his girlfriend in an interview, sending all the tabloid reporters that insisted they had split up into a tizzy. "I've learned so much from the kids in my life, and somehow they just become the center of your life and the way you look at things," said Jake. "Obviously I exist in my girlfriend's world and my sister's world in a different way, but it's opened my heart and I feel much more grown up and want to be grown up as a result of it." [People]
• Tom Brokaw was involved in a fatal 3-car accident in New York today. Tom and his wife Meredith released a statement describing the crash that said: "Neither Tom nor Meredith were injured but tragically the driver of the SUV was thrown from her vehicle and killed. Tom and Meredith are greatly saddened by this loss of life." [TMZ]
• Rosie O'Donnell says she contacted Meredith Baxter after she came out earlier this week. "She's 62. She's the same age as Kelli's mother. When you think of that, that somebody at Kelli's mother's age came out... you know, that's big," said Rosie. "Good for her, man. Live your truth... Go in peace. It's not that hard. Fight the fear. Life in fear everyone's gonna find out you're gay... Have faith. Tell people it's going to be all right. The truth is the only way through." [Extra]
• A woman tried to serve Jennifer Aniston with papers requiring her to testify in a sexual harassment case against a Hollywood agent who has been accused of walking around naked in front of his former assistant and showing her woman-on-horse porn. Jen didn't take the document so the woman left it on her windshield and her bodyguards picked it up, which lawyers say still counts. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Aniston's yoga instructor Mandy Ingber declared that her client has the perfect body. "Women look to her as the perfect blend," said Ingber. "She's very natural. Who has a better body than Jennifer Aniston?" [Extra]
• Though Star claimed the cops came to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's house in L.A. to break up their "worst fight ever," the police were actually responding to their burglar alarm accidentally going off. "We went out and checked to make sure it's a false alarm, and if it's false, we leave. That's basic protocol. That one was a real basic false alarm," says LAPD Sgt. Kyle Kirkman. [Us]
• A source insists the reports that Lindsay Lohan hooked up with Cash Warren, Jessica Alba's husband, are "totally untrue... the rumors are hurtful but they're just so ridiculous." [People]
• Miley Cyrus got a new tattoo of the words "Just Breathe" under her left boob. [Daily Mail]
• Newlyweds Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom got into a fight at a L.A. restaurant. "Lamar caused a huge scene," said a source. "He got jealous because Khloe was texting at the table and he yelled at her to quit it. She refused, so he stormed off and sat alone at the bar. Khloe just ignored him." Khloe's friend was running back and forth between the two of them trying to make peace "but Lamar kept just saying 'I'm not talking to her. Let her talk to her phone. She can be alone with her phone.' It was bad." Are they in middle school? [Radar Online]
• Hulk Hogan's girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel has been wearing a giant diamond ring and sources say they're engaged. [N.Y. Daily News]
• Glee star Cory Monteith says he isn't dating his co-star Lea Michele. "We're great friends," he said. "We've become really close over the show, but we're just friends. We're not dating." [CNN]
• Gisele Bundchen continued flying planes in her eight month of pregnancy, but now she's put off the exam she need to become a helicopter pilot until next year. "She has stopped with her lessons. She stopped before Thanksgiving," says the president of Shoreline Aviation, where she's taking classes. "She's waiting to have the baby and then she's going to start up when things settle down again." [People]
• LeAnn Rimes got into another car accident. This time she backed into a security golf cart in a parking lot. [TMZ]
• Maya Rudolph gave birth tho her second child with director Paul Thomas Anderson on November 6. The baby's name is Lucille. [People]
• The feud between Al Roker and Speidi will never end! In a new interview, Roker said they "haven't done anything and still haven't done anything" to earn the fame they have. Then referring to Heidi saying she wants to be like Mother Theresa he said, "I don't know, maybe I'm wrong and I missed something but I don't think Mother Theresa posed nude in Playboy. I think she was known for good work, helping the poor, healing the sick, not showing her ta-tas off." [Popeater]
• Audrina Patridge put her own show on hold and signed on for the sixth season of The Hills. [Perez Hilton]
• MTV told Italian groups not to judge Jersey Shore until they saw last night's premiere... and now they're really mad. A rep from UNICO National said the organization "can't keep up with the volume of calls" from "outraged" Italian Americans adding, "I suffered through all 120 mins of that show and it was worse than I imagined." [TMZ]
• The Order of the Sons of Italy in America and the National Italian American Foundation have also condemned the show, for using "ethnic slurs, violence and poor behavior to marginalize and stereotype Italian-Americans." [UPI]
• Domino's has pulled their ads from Jersey Shore because "The content of this particular program is not right for Domino's Pizza." [TMZ]
• Twisted Sister guitarist Eddie Ojeda is recovering after emergency back surgery to repair a ruptured disc that forced him to miss a concert near Philadelphia. [AP]
• Pamela Anderson is recording a pop single called "High" — about "high" fashion, not drugs. Her friend Richie Rich says, "Pam says she wants to sing, but nothing too difficult, so she's just going to sing the word 'high' over and over." [Us]
• Kate Hudson said when she took her 5-year-old son Ryder to the set of Nine, "It was the first time I saw him in shock, recognizing what it is that I do. I really think it was the first time it hit him." [People]
• Simon Cowell he has one regret: doing a cameo in Scary Movie 3. He said: "I'll never forget going to that premiere and dying in my seat when the movie came on. I've never felt so embarrassed in my life. Lesson learned: Don't believe that you're good at other things. I might be okay as a judge, but I'm a lousy actor." [EW]
• "I was 211 pounds when I delivered my son, so I know what it is like to be obese and fat and miserable," says Jenny McCarthy. "I'm 5'6 so it was a tough thing to carry around; losing it is something I'm very proud of." [Fox News]

You know it's bad news when Maureen Dowd sinks in her claws, and that's exactly what the NY Times columnist did this morning to the glamorous White House social secretary, declaring archly,

The statuesque social secretary brandishing a Harvard M.B.A. and animal-print designer shoes is not any mere party planner. The old friend of the first couple from Chicago has the exalted and uncommon title of social secretary and special assistant to the president....Instead of standing outside with a clipboard, eyeballing guests as Anne Hathaway did in "The Devil Wears Prada," Desirée was a guest at the dinner, the center of her own table of guests, just like the president and first lady.

In sum, concludes Dowd, "Even before the Salahis swept in preening, the Obama staffers were there preening, standing around celebrating themselves. And of course, savoring the wonder of the Obama brand."

She's referring, of course, to Rogers' infamous WSJ interview, in which the social secretary (clad, as everyone mentions, in Viktor and Rolf, Prada and Cartier), "We have the best brand on earth: The Obama brand." And despite - or because of - her #28 ranking on Vanity Fair's power list, title as Best-Dressed Washingtonian and front-row seat at Fashion Week next to Anna Wintour, the White House thereafter clamped down on the elegant Rogers' public speaking. As the Washington Post explains,

In recent years, social secretaries had always quashed their own public profiles, demurred from seeking the limelight, in service to their position and in deference to the first lady. Indeed, the names of the most recent social secretaries — Cathy Fenton, Lea Berman and Amy Zantzinger probably ring no bells outside of Washington circles. Those who have more prominent profiles such as Ann Stock, who worked in the Clinton administration and now at the Kennedy Center, and Letitia Baldridge of the Kennedy years, waited until their post-White House years to step into the spotlight.

Arguably, people have been waiting for Rogers to get her comeuppance for some time, but the Salahi's opportunism seems a pretty weak pretext. As Time's Michael Scherer explained it,

Rogers' sin, if it can be called one, was apparently in making herself a guest at the State Dinner-a star not a clerk, you see-for which she wore a cream-colored Comme des Garcons number, which was so high fashion that it looked like she might have made it herself. She also did not assign a staff person to hover over the Secret Service gates checking off guests as they arrived. Security is not her office's responsibility, everyone agrees, but it was possible, some mused, that Rogers or her staff might have provided a second set of eyes to spot interlopers when the Secret Service failed to do its job. Both the Secret Service and the House Homeland Security Committee have promised investigations, but that has not stopped a chorus of conclusions.

Immediately, fingers were pointed at Rogers. Said Lloyd Grove, bitchily, "Where, oh where, was Desiree Rogers?...In the past, White House social secretaries have worked, not partied." Michelle Malkin, of course, jumped into the fray with a slideshow of the secretary's presumably Marie Antoinette-frivolous gowns. Always with the clothes! Said Washington Post fashion critic Robin Givhan, sagely, "It was the sort of attention-getting dress, with its translucent sleeves and strands of pearls encased in layers of tulle, that proclaimed the wearer a fashion savant."

When Bravo floated the D.C. Housewives franchise, the response was low-level incredulity. No self-respecting D.C. hostess would, it was said, countenance such a thing - and if they did, whither the drama? Well, here we go. This one, first incident has launched enough cattiness for a whole season of Real Housewives, and then some. That's what's so absurd: the objectively ludicrous Salahis didn't need to bring down the dignity of the occasion, or the city, when the tsuris was all there and desperate for any excuse to get out. Bravo's just figured out how to make this series the most dramatic of all - because this time, it's political.

Piling On Desirée Rogers—Is The Social Secretary To Blame For Two Ticketless Boobs At The White House? [Time]
Who's Sari Now? [NY Times]
Rogers's Unwanted New Guest: Scrutiny [Washington Post]
The New Establishment 2009 [Vanity Fair]

Desiree Rogers Voted Washington's Best-Dressed Woman (SLIDESHOW) [HuffPO]

Desirée Rogers' Brand Obama [Wall Street Journal]

[Los Angeles, August 20. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Love her or hate her — because Sienna Miller's one of those inexplicably polarizing stars — everyone can agree that she looks old Hollywood glam.


Jenna Dewan's motto: if a little leg's good, a lot's better.


Even though I kinda hate Ciara's new-wave tennis getup, and the necklace looks potentially lethal, she looks typically confident and amazing.


Ew. Every single one of these pictures of Heidi and Spencer shows them mugging with her Playboy. What this has to do with either their faith or the New World Order, I couldn't say.


Before you make your judgment of the stunning Rachel Nichols' gown...


...you should probably see the back.


For his sake, I hope young Leo Howard— or at least his mom — comes to regret this picture, in which he is dressed like a dad going through a mid-life crisis.


I dunno, gang. It just seems like if Aubrey O'Day wants to wear something crisp and structured, it should actually looks kind of...crisp. And structured.

[Images via Getty]

Salon's Thomas Rogers visits Conrad's book signing in New York, and opines that Conrad's success hinges on her blandness. He writes,

Much of the appeal of Lauren Conrad, like the Bella Swan character in the "Twilight" novels, is that she's a near-perfect cipher for young women. It's her very blankness that made her so well-suited for "The Hills" — and a much better choice of star than the woman who will replace her on the show, Kristin Cavallari — because she doesn't create drama. Drama happens to her. It's a feeling that many junior-high-age girls (and some grown-ups) can easily identify with: I'm just trying to be nice — so why is everybody being so mean to me?

Her book, LA Candy, tells the story of Jane Roberts, another nice girl who "just wants to live her life as honestly as possible — and plan celebrity parties, dammit — but is foiled by the producers' meddling and the distorting lens of the camera." It remains to be seen whether the two books that are slated to follow, and the related movie that may result, will help Conrad parlay her Hills experience into lasting fame. She has one big problem: if her appeal is her sheer reactivity, her status as a blameless girl who shit just happens to, then she risks wearing out her welcome she appears too savvy. People might buy that Jane/Lauren just kind of stumbled into a reality show, but will they believe that she stumbled into a book contract, a movie deal, and whatever lies beyond? And if they don't, will they still like her?

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, of course, don't need to worry about maintaining their image as nice people, since much of their fame relies on people totally hating them — and their nine-zillionth return to I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here! is unlikely to change this. In the past, they've seemed aware of the loathing they inspire (how can you say the things Spencer says and not know that you're an asshole?), which makes their recent decision to start talking about Jesus all the time sort of confusing. Jason Boyett catalogs their religious performances, including Heidi's no-doubt-inspiring prayer session with Patti Blagojevich. He also quotes non-reality-star Christians like magazine editor David Sessions, who says,

As far as I know, Heidi and Spencer haven't done anything but yell about Jesus on TV, which makes them look like tacky opportunists and makes religious people in general appear ridiculous. Most Christians would look at their prissy, entitled, hateful behavior-it's all right there on tape-and conclude that anyone who took their beliefs very seriously wouldn't behave in such a fashion.

See, everyone knows Heidi and Spencer are horrible. So why are they trying to associate themselves with a religion that's supposed to be about virtue, charity, and loving thy neighbor? Boyett offers a possible explanation. He says that 46% of non-churchgoers agree with the statement, "Christians get on my nerves." Is it possible that Heidi and Spencer are actually trying to annoy people more? Whatever the case, only time will tell which media strategy pays off better: Lauren's nice-girl schtick, or Speidi's manufactured evil. Until then, they remain locked in an epic struggle between kind-of-goodness and irredeemable obnoxion, a struggle as old as time itself, or at least as old as television.

The Unbearable Lightness Of Lauren Conrad [Salon]
The Gospel According To Speidi [Daily Beast]

[Los Angeles, June 2. Image via INF]

Women who fail to marry at "20 or 21," Regnerus implies, don't hesitate because they're not sure they've found the right guy or because they genuinely want to date a bit before settling down — instead, they're pressured by peers and parents who want them to focus on career first. This pressure is very very bad for their poor ladysouls, however, because early marriage is actually great for girls — it's boys who can't handle it. Regnerus writes,

According to data from the government's National Survey of Family Growth, women who marry at 18 have a better shot at making a marriage work than men who marry at 21. There is wisdom in having an age gap between spouses. For women, age is (unfortunately) a debit, decreasing fertility. For men, age can be a credit, increasing their access to resources and improving their maturity, thus making them more attractive to women. We may all dislike this scenario, but we can't will it away.

So girls should marry older men — and do it fast, otherwise nobody will want them. Like Lori Gottleib in last year's Atlantic, Regnerus thinks ladies should settle down before their "value" declines too far:

This is not just an economic problem. It's also a biological and emotional one. I realize that it's not cool to say that, but my job is to map trends, not to affirm them. Marriage will be there for men when they're ready. And most do get there. Eventually. But according to social psychologists Roy Baumeister and Kathleen Vohs, women's "market value" declines steadily as they age, while men's tends to rise in step with their growing resources (that is, money and maturation). Countless studies — and endless anecdotes — reinforce their conclusion.

See, women are commodities — rapidly rotting ones at that — and there's absolutely nothing they can do about this, other than rush to the altar. Girls are so lucky they have Regnerus to tell them what's what, without worrying about being "cool" — because nobody is talking about these issues. Before he stepped in, nobody had thought to make a woman feel bad about her declining fertility or her wrinkly, 26-year-old hag-face. He's so brave.

Seriously, for any pressure that tells women to wait and date around, there's a greater pressure to get hitched before they're all old and dried-up and nobody wants them (obviously older women are hideous, and the goal is to trick a man into marrying you before you get that way). A marriage that is based on either of these pressures is not going to be a happy one. Peter Suderman at The American Scene has it right: "decisions about marriage should be made on the basis of whether or not you think you and your potential spouse will be happy and successful." These decisions should probably include both love and mundane realities like whether a partner helps with chores — but they shouldn't be based on what Regnerus, or some notional crowd of evil, marriage-delaying harpies, thinks is best.

Say Yes. What Are You Waiting For? [Washington Post]
When To Get Married? [The American Scene]
Re: When To Get Married? [The American Scene]
Why Dating Doesn't Predict Marital Success [Scientific American]

The Good:
Poor Jewel's injury means she can't be on Dancing with the Stars! At least her LBD is cute.


Katie Cleary's little number is pure glam.


It's standard practice to put Heidi Montag and her Barbie togs in "Bad," but really, she looks pretty! Even if the Marilyn white is a bit much...


I'm no lover of purple, as we know, but Tamara Mowry's jersey is easy, breezy and cute.


The Bad:
The colors are a bit too wild, the cuts a bit too immodest, for "good" status...but Bai Ling is looking awfully demure!


Allie Gonino was clearly a Lisa Frank fan.


Anya Monzikova's confusing separates can't decide between peasant girl and geisha.


What Say You?
Kristen Cavallari: adventurous and cute, or a bridge too far?

[Images via Getty]

When Leno asked if the couple are going to make their marriage legal in the U.S., Spencer immediately answered, "absolutely," to which Heidi said, "really?" Throughout the rest of the interview, Heidi contradicted everything Spencer said or looked totally surprised by his answers. Why does Spencer bother to concoct all this ridiculous tabloid fodder if his partner in crime can't even remember her lines? Clip at left.

Corrie Loftin, AKA "Bikini Cory." She's known as "Bikini Cory" because she earned it.


John Edwards. Fake, phony, fraud. Whose wife had cancer.


Dimitri the Lover, Canada's Greatest Lover and Seducer. We wouldn't have thought it possible, but this ludicrous personage makes Mystery look like a catch.


Speidi: took aggressive mediocrity, flesh-colored beards and general asshattery to breath-stealing new heights.


Bernie Madoff. Made some questionable ethical decisions, like bilking charities, the world for decades, billions.


Megan Johnson. This Stylista took us all back to high school, an automatic fail.


Josef Fritzl. Father of the year - and not in the good way.

Vanity Fair’s Hall of Infamy, 2008 [Vanity Fair]

• "I was quoted saying I was a virgin, but I absolutely did not say that. That's nobody's business but my own," the Duffster tells Maxim in the most recent issue. Let's go to the wayback machine and see what she said to Elle: "It's harder having a boyfriend who's older because people just assume. But [virginity] is definitely something I like about myself. It doesn't mean I haven't thought about sex, because everyone I know has had it and you want to fit in. But when they talk about it, it doesn't sound special, like you would imagine it to be. It just seems like everybody has slept with each other – you know what I mean?" Oh yes, we know exactly what you mean, Hils: you wanted to appeal to tweens back then, and now you're trying to have a broader audience. It's loud and clear! [NYDN]
• Madonna is contradicting longtime publicist Liz Rosenberg, who on Monday announced that Guy Ritchie will get between $76-92 million as part of the couple's divorce settlement. Madonna and Guy released a joint statement saying that Rosenberg's declaration was "misleading and inaccurate." What's more, "We have tried to maintain a dignified silence regarding the details of our divorce for the last few months whilst accepting the obvious media interest…The financial details of the settlement will remain private, save to say that both of us are happy with our agreement. Our primary concern, like any co-parents, is the care and well being of our children." Whilst! The plot thickens!! [Reuters]
• Not all of the gay community is excited about Sean Penn's portrayal of activist Harvey Milk in Milk. Advocate writer James Kirchick is pissed because Penn was palling around with notorious gay-rights abuser Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chávez as well as Raul Castro. Human Rights Foundation President Thor Halvorssen tells The Advocate, "That Sean Penn would be honored by anyone, let alone the gay community, for having stood by a dictator who put gays into concentration camps is mind-boggling."[Page Six]
• Earlier this year, Clay Aiken's bff, music producer Jaymes Foster, had a baby after being artificially inseminated with Clay's lil' dudes. Word is that they were both so thrilled with the results that Foster is going to go through another round of IVF in the hopes of having another Claybie. [Perez]
• Blind Item! "Which still-sexy actress, who has a daughter now getting ingenue roles, is facing reality? She finally had her first face-lift last week." We are guessing her name rhymes with Moosan Morandan. [Page Six]
• Does Anthony Kiedis have kidney trouble? The former heroin addict allegedly was sick enough to discuss going on a transplant list for a new kidney, but has since been on the mend.[Sun]
• Fergie (the Duchess, not the Pea) had her laptop stolen, along with intimate digital photos of her family. In addition! Poor Princess Beatrice's Norfolk Terrier, Max ran off during a walk last week in Windsor Great Park , and she's apparently "desperately upset." London Jezebels get on the case! [Daily Mail]
• "We discussed—for about a second—the idea of Tom’s having a German accent. I remember that conversation very clearly. I was in the sitting room of his house, and I basically just said, 'I don’t want to do that. You don’t want to be listening to that.'" —Valkyrie director Bryan Singer on Tom Cruise's performance. [GQ]
• Wowza: the iconic Bert Stern photos of Marilyn Monroe, taken in 1962 right before her death, sold at Christie's for $146,500. [AP]
• Singer Duffy will be the new face of Diet Coke. Says the Sun, "They want to move away from typical Diet Coke ads with stick-thin models and chiselled hunks." Does that sound sort of like a backhanded compliment? [Sun]
• Gossip Girl star Kelly Rutherford is still nursing her 2-year-old son Hermés. "It's an amazing bond with your child," she says, before adding, "I was thinner after my pregnancy than before, and I think a lot of it was the nursing." [Page Six]
• Will Actor's Guild negotiations tear Hollywood apart? Page Six is reporting that negotiations were tense on Monday night, with Jack Nicholson, Meryl Streep and Warren Beatty in favor of a strike, and Alec Baldwin, Tom Hanks, George Clooney, Charlize Theron, Helen Mirren and Kevin Spacey against it. [Page Six]
• Harrison Ford has signed on to play a morning show personality in the film Morning Glory, and our beloved Rachel McAdams is in talks to costar. According to the Hollywood Reporter, "Aline Brosh McKenna ("The Devil Wears Prada") wrote the script about a grizzled old-school anchor in the Ted Koppel mold (Ford) who quits in disgust with the gossip-heavy direction of the evening newscast. He is then recruited by a hot up-and-coming producer (McAdams) to help revive a morning talk show, only to be paired with his rival." [HR]
• "She was drunk! I don’t know if she was drunk when they actually got married, but the night before she was. She just needed that little push — the Patron push.”— Lo Bosworth on the Speidi nuptials. [People ]
• Oprah's taking her production company from ABC to HBO in order to start making more feature films, documentaries and TV series. [AP]
• Is Lisa Rinna going to pose for Playboy? Sources say: probs.The daytime diva has also been pitching a reality show to cable networks with husband Harry Hamlin tentatively called I Love Lisa. [Extra, MSNBC]
• Macaulay, Keiran and Rory Culkin have all taken time off their acting projects to mourn the sudden death of their sister, Dakota. As noted last week, Dakota was hit by a car in Los Angeles while crossing the street. "They're heartbroken. That I can tell you. They're just absolutely heartbroken," says the Culkin boys' manager. [UPI]
• Diddy hosted a birthday party for his ex and baby mama Kim Porter at Murano restaurant in West Hollywood. "The evening's specialty drink, the K.P. Martini, featured a Ciroc vodka lemon drop with a brown-sugar rim," E! reports. Oooh fancy. [E! Online]
• The Brangelina clan is parking in France for the time being. "I've been dragging them all from continent to continent lately, so we're going to have to give them a break soon. For the long term, right now, we're choosing France. It's good living there, a really nice way of life. It's a place where the kids can run free and not be hassled – we have a good relationship with the locals, and it's a good base for the family," Brad says. [Perez]
• Click here for an online preview of Flight of the Conchords season two premiere! Squee! [Funny or Die]
• If you have a crush on any member of Coldplay check out these behind the scenes shots of Chris Martin and the crew. [Rolling Stone]

• K-Fed is opening up about his marriage to Britney in this week's People. " I never thought that I would get married but it wound up happening. That was a really, really, happy, exciting moment. I pretty much realized that I was giving my life to her, and I was doing it without question," the Fed says. [People]
• Are Kelly Ripa and longtime hubs Mark Consuelos dunzo? The National Enquirer says that the pair is separating. However, it is impossible to tell if Ripa is shedding silent invisible tears under that relentlessly perky facade. [Jossip]
• And get this: Ripa's rep denies all! The flack says, "There is no truth to the story. Their marriage continues to be quite healthy, and the National Enquirer should be ashamed for fabricating such an untruthful story." Isn't that what Madge's rep said six months ago? [People]
• Mark Ruffalo's brother, hairstylist Scott, was shot in the head in Beverly Hills earlier this week. He is in critical condition. [ET Online]

• James Franco is on the cover of this month's BlackBook wearing a leather jacket. He looks totally James Dean and not at all Jason Priestley. [Blackbook]
• Lance Bass thinks Britney is ready for a comeback, but adds, "I don't think she needs any advice from me." We concur! [People]
• Celine Dion was on CBS this morning, dishing about her frozen embryo. "Yes, we do have a frozen embryo," said the plucky French Canadian. "We'd love to extend the family," she continued. "I started to talk to Rene Charles about it. He said 'Can we have four and five?' So if we're blessed again, I will be very happy to come back and do another interview with you and talk about it. I will be the first one to be extremely happy." [CBS News]
• A-Rod will allegedly accompany Madonna on her trip to Brazil later this month for two performances in Rio. They're definitely Madariguez south of the equator. [Perez]
• So, Boy George is on trial for assaulting a male escort, and his lawyers are arguing that George was "too fat" to have perpetrated that crime. Could this case get any more tawdry? [Daily Mail]
• Bea Arthur will be inducted into the Television Hall of Fame on December 9th. I'm sure she'll thank us for being her friends, pals, confidantes, etc. [AP]
• The Gossip Girl producers loved Ed Westwick from the moment he read for the part of Chuck Bass. However, the network was not so pleased. "But he looks like a serial killer!" they protested. Lucky for us the producers won out. Also: the fictional GG kids will go to college next year in the show. [NYM]
• Speidi's wedding rings are literally the ugliest effing things we've ever seen. [TMZ]
• Pete Wentz says baby Bronx was a "happy accident." He tells Details, "I think that certain things happen for a reason in your life, and maybe it was time to put the wild child in a cage." [People]

• Before Blake and Amy had even hit puberty, Whitney and Bobby were acting completely bonkers in public all the time. And it sounds like the gruesome twosome is back together again!! They've been spotted on romantic dinners and their daughter is allegedly itching for them to reconnect. Resist, Whitney, resist! [TMZ]
  
• Joaquin Phoenix is filming a documentary to "showcase his transition from acting to music." More importantly, last night he was hanging out with Casey Affleck and Ryan Gosling, creating a triumverate of hotness. [People]
• Perez Hilton continues to be totally outraged about the fact that the Speidi wedding was a mere publicity stunt for Us and probably not legal. "The mag was very well aware of the wedding laws in Mexico for foreigners and they failed to even report if Speidi obtained a marriage license or not," he says. In other news, Perez is really angry that water is wet. [Perez]

• But don't worry, you'll be able to see extensive footage of the fake nuptials on The Hills, since the cameras were there to capture the entire heartfelt, intensely private ceremony. [People]
• Spencer continues to insist that the ceremony was 100% real. “We’ve never been happier. And, like other elopements that happen outside the country, we’ll take care of the legal details when we get home," he tells the AP. [AP via Just Jared]
• In other shocking Hills news, Whitney Port has a new vlog and it's spectacularly boring. [NY Mag]
• Ewan McGregor is selling one of his vintage motorcycles on Ebay to raise money for Unicef. "I collected this bike from the Moto Guzzi factory in Italy and rode it back to London and I've loved riding it ever since. Whoever wins this bike will not be disappointed," he says. Does he come with the bike? We would not be disappointed about that.
• Habitual rehab visitor Scott Weiland says he isn't completely clean. "I still drink, I'm not perfect ... you know?" [ TMZ]
• Hugh Jackman will play magician Harry Houdini in an as-yet-unnamed Broadway musical. We already knew he was a magician because he has us in a trance. Zing! [Perez]
• "I'm just blessed to have two very lovely children in my life, and health. It's something people don't think about a lot. I'm very lucky to be healthy and have healthy kids," says Reese Witherspoon. To read about what other celebs are thankful for, click here. [AP]
• Speaking of Reese, Ms. Witherspoon says she'd like to guest star on 30 Rock. "I love Tina [Fey]," Reese gushes, "and I think she does such a great job, and she really understands comedy for women." [A Socialite's Life]

In order to quench readers' insatiable thirst for gossip, we've decided to try an evening edition of the much-beloved Dirt Bag. Now you won't have to wait for morning to find out the latest celebrity news. Welcome to the swirling, sleazy disco ball of "Dirt Bag After Dark". 18 to enter and 21 to drink, ladies!

• Debra Messing was sad when tabloids were talking smack about her post-baby body. "On one page it showed all the actresses who got skinny in six weeks or less, and on the other page was me! I was so depressed and frustrated," she says. But now Debs is happy because she's skinny again! "I've finally taken ownership of my body." [People]
• Former sexiest man alive George Clooney is fake-sad about passing the sexy mantle Hugh Jackman. Hugh says George called him up at 2 am and "He goes, 'Shut up, Jackman!'…I know what you did! You started this big campaign that's been going on and [you] took the title away from me.'" Clooney vs. Jackman? That is one cat fight we would pay money to see. [People]
• Kim Ledger accepted GQ's actor of the year award in honor of Heath. He called Heath a "beautiful boy" and took the award on behalf "his little one Matilda and our family." [Daily Telegraph]

• Shock of all shocks, Perez Hilton is claiming the Speidi marriage was staged by Us and is probably not legal. You don't say! [Perez]
• Beyonce says that watching her sister Solange give birth made her reconsider having babies: "I was there in the delivery room and it kind of traumatized me. I said please don't have me in the room. And she said, 'You have to. I'm your sister. Stop being so silly.' Well, I was right!" [People]
• The always-humble Kanye West says his new album is "great art." He also said that his most recent trip to the bathroom resulted in "great fart." He's so grandiose! [AP via Yahoo]
• Those of you who wanted to download all your fave Beatles hits on iTunes may have to wait a little longer. According to the BBC negotiations between Apple and the surviving Beatles are stalled. "We are very for it, we've been pushing it. But there are a couple of sticking points, I understand," Paul McCartney says. [BBC]
• Despite their public feuding, Rosie O'Donnell says that Barbara Walters is welcome on her new variety show. Who wouldn't want to share a stage with Rosie and Liza Minnelli? [ETOnline]
• Do you love Amy Sedaris enough to sit through a 6 hour PBS documentary just 'cause she's in it? You'll find out after Christmas, when she and Billy Crystal helm the docu-series Make 'Em Laugh: The Funny Business of America. [Fishbowl LA]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will be on the cover of the next issue of T, the New York Times style magazine. [NYM]
• Kate Winslet is in Parade mag this weekend and she talks about watching herself in Titanic years later. "I just love seeing those things. I am enjoying my face changing, as well as realizing that at the same time, as you get older, the machine isn’t as well-oiled as it was," she says. [Just Jared]
• Pete Wentz dishes on the origin of "Bronx Mowgli Simpson Wentz." According to E!, "We came up with the idea Bronx, we'd been throwing it back and forth a while ago… [as for the middle name] The Jungle Book is something me and Ashlee bonded over. It's really cool." [E! Online via Yahoo]
• Bad news for the Gyllenhaal parents: their divorce proceedings have revealed that Naomi Foner and Stephen Gyllenhaal are pretty much broke. Naomi, a screenwriter, was so financially embattled during the WGA strike that she had to take out a loan. Can't Jakey spare a dime?

[Los Angeles, October 14. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Related:

Us Weekly Editor: 'I Care' About Celebrity News [ABCNews]