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South Park

clips

South Park: "Rich, White Girls Get Ahead In Life Because They Get Abortions When They're Young"

This week's episode of South Park parodied the film Stand and Deliver, the true story of high school math teacher Jaime Escalante (played by Edward James Olmos), who taught calculus in East L.A. In a turn of events, Cartman was hired to teach a class at an inner city school and — dressed like Mr. Olmos — he taught the kids that the only way to get ahead in life is to follow the example of white people and cheat. At one point, a female student breaks down and cries because she's pregnant, and Cartman consoles her by telling her he'll take her for an abortion, because that's just what young white girls do when they get pregnant! Clip above.

clips

Sci-Fi For Women: Marrying Your Vibrator

Remember that South Park episode that spoofed that sci-fi, fanboy-jerk-off-material movie Heavy Metal? Here's a clip from the original, in which a woman has sex with a robot and decides to get married to it after "experiencing ecstasy with mechanical equipment." It's kinda NSFW due to naked cartoon breasts.

Earlier: South Park Takes A Trip To Heavy Metal

clips

South Park Takes A Trip To Heavy Metal

Last night's episode of South Park was a take on Salvia, that legal drug that kids can take that make them freak out and fall over, only to wake up and find that their friends had immortalized their trip on YouTube. In the episode, the kids learn they can get high from inhaling cat urine, so Kenny tries it out. He quickly becomes addicted when he discovers that tripping on cat urine brings him into the universe of the 1981 movie Heavy Metal, where everything is pretty much boobs. The song from the movie, "Heavy Metal (Takin' a Ride)" might be our favorite new track. Clip above.

tree trouble

It's Hard To Be A Jew On Christmas

Tomorrow's Christmas, or, as I knew it throughout my childhood, that day when I'm bored and nothing is open. I'm 100% Heeb, and my mother was so anti-Christmas that we didn't even do the stereotypical Jew things like eat Chinese food and go to the movies. Doing those things would be a tacit acknowledgment that Christmas existed, and my mom wasn't about to kowtow to the status quo. I've elided all my severe Christmas envy into one mental image: me, at eight, pressing my hooked nose against the window panes of our Christian neighbors' houses as they embraced around the tree, tearing the wrapping paper off their brand new Nintendos in some sweater-clad, ritualized, yuletide orgy. More »