From: Mark Sanford

To: Maria

Date: Fri, 4 Jul 2008 03:09:44 +0000

Dearest,

You are glorious and I hope you really understand that. You do not need a therapist to help you figure your place in the world [1]. You are special and unique and fabulous in a whole host of ways that are worth a much longer conversation. To be continued ... [2]

Have been having a few email problems as I am getting email through an aircard at the farm, where access to computer world is more than tough [3]. Please let me know if you have gotten my last two eamils (sic) [4]so I know it is working in getting to your part of the world ...

Another glorious day outside. Hope you are doing well, and am anxious to hear about your week. Know that I miss you. Unbeleivably (sic) hard to imagine it has been a week [5]. Please also send your mailing address as I want to send you an insignificant something next week when I am back in civilization that I think you might find interesting given our conversation.

Want to write an indepth note with some thoughts on our visit when I know you are getting these emails. Hugs and much love. M

1. Here the speaker asserts himself as an expert in mental health, an assertion rendered highly dubious by the rest of the text.
2. Perhaps a reference to a phrase commonly displayed at the end of a variety of contemporary television program known as the "soap opera," a type of program which this text resembles in other ways.
3. The speaker attempts to make himself sound "rugged," an impression belied by the fact that he knows what an aircard is, and has one on his "farm."
4. The State's decision to draw attention to every one of the speaker's misspellings with the use of the word sic is both a source of humor in this text and a reminder to the audience to spellcheck e-mails lest they be made public as part of an international sex scandal.
5. The speaker's distorted concept of time foreshadows other cognitive distortions.

From:

To:

Subject: RE:

Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2008 01:42:46 -0400

Beloved back to you...

Got back an hour ago to civilization and am now in Columbia after what was for me a glorious break from reality down at the farm [6]. No phones ringing and tangible evidence of a day's labors. Though I have started every day by 6 this morning woke at 4:30, I guess since my body knew it was the last day, and I went out and ran the excavator with lights until the sun came up. To me, and I suspect no one else on earth, there is something wonderful about listening to country music playing in the cab, air conditioner running, the hum of a huge diesel engine in the background, the tranquility that comes with being in a virtual wilderness of trees and marsh, the day breaking and vibrant pink coming alive in the morning clouds - and getting to build something with each scoop of dirt [7]. It is admittedly weird but one of my more favorite ways of escaping the norms, constant phone calls and formalities that go with the office - and it probably fits with my weakness in doing rather than being - though you opened up a new chapter last week wherein I was happy and content just being [8]. Last point worth further discussion. Afternoon projects had me outside and by days (sic) end I pretty much looked like a homeless person ... but in this case a very content one. Enough about my love of heavy equipment and woods at sunrise ...

While I was getting exhausted with one project after another at Coosaw work week, you were basking (I'm certain gloriously) on the beach..

Sounds great, hope to hear more about what sounds a great spot.

Will now finally get some sleep and write you a longer note with a few more profound thoughts tomorrow or Wednesday. In the meantime I send my love and hope you know I am thinking of you.. M

P.S. I do not want to raise expectations, when I say I will send something insignificant I promise I will do as I say! It wont (sic) be worthy of bedside placement ... was just going to find the movie the Holiday as we had spoken of it last Thursday. Its music was pleasant and made me think of you - its mood and the notion of a holiday (wrapped up in our case over two days) certainly fit as well [9] ... (though our visit in some ways for me was as well less of a holiday than it was uncovering and realization of some things and feelings that again are worth longer conversation)

Had also hoped to find the cd of a song that played as I was flying home and also20made (sic) [10] me think of you. Who knows if I can find the music ... so all you may be stuck with is a long released movie - and if you put it by your bed I really be worried! Love you, good night and kisses back to you ...

6. The speaker repeatedly refers to the dichotomy between civilization/reality and the "farm," revealing his ignorance of the fact that rural environments are, metaphysically speaking, "real."
7. More "ruggedness" (see [3]). The "country music," the "excavator," the "scoop of dirt" are all signifiers of a particular group of conservative American values. Interestingly, these values include marital fidelity.
8. Psychobabble. Perhaps related to the speaker's earlier assertion of psychiatric expertise. Studies show that the use of such psychobabble is inversely proportional to the actual mental health of the user.
9. The comparison with the movie The Holiday appears to be a variant on a phenomenon usually found in adolescents, commonly known as "thinking every song is about your love."
10. In numerology, the number 20 means "I am about to throw away a promising political career for an ill-advised extramarital affair." This may be significant.

From: Mark Sanford

To: Maria

Subject: RE:

Date: Thu, 10 Jul 2008 00:24:54 -0400

Sweetest,

It was indeed a long day. I am most jealous of your salad under the palm tree [11].

Three thoughts in one note now that I have a moment [12]. One the travel schedule is about to get real busy (and this distresses me for the way it may well make it more difficult to get your notes over the next few weeks), two unfortunately all the feelings you describe are mutual, and three where do we go from here?

One, tomorrow leave at 5 am for New York and meetings. Will think about you on its streets and wish I was going to be there later in the month when you are there. Tomorrow night back to Philadelphia for the start of the National Governor's Conference through the weekend. Back to Columbia for Tuesday and then on Wednesday, as I think I had told you, taking the family to China, Tibet, Nepal, India, Thailand and then back through Hong Kong on world wind tour [13]. Few days home then to Bahamas for 5 days on a friends boat for the last break of the summer. The following weekend have been asked to spend it out in Aspen, Colorado with McCain - which has kicked up the whole VP talk all over again in the press back home.

Two, mutual feelings. I have been specializing in staying focused on decisions and actions of the head for a long time now [14] - and you have my heart. You have oh so many attributes that pulls it in this direction. Do you really comprehend how beautiful your smile is? Have you been told lately how warm your eyes are and how they softly glow with the special nature of your soul. I remember Jenny, or someone close to me, once commenting that while my mom was pleasant and warm it was sad she had never accomplished anything of significance. I replied that they were wrong because she had the ultimate of all gifts - and that was the ability to love unconditionally. The rarest of all commodities in this world is love. It is that thing that we all yearn for at some level - to be simply loved unconditionally for nothing more than who we are - not what we can get, give or become. There are but 50 governors in my country and outside of the top spot, this is as high as you can go in the area I have invested the last 15 years of my life - my getting here came as no small measure because I had that foundation of love and support so critical to getting up in the morning and feeling you could give and risk because you already had a full tank of love in the emotional bank account [15]. Since our first meeting there in a wind swept somewhat open air dance spot in Punta del Este, I felt that you had that same rare attribute. Above all else I love that inner beauty about you. That gift of yours is going to make a tremendous difference in (The State deleted sons' names) life - and in anyone's life who is blest to be touched by yours - you need to rest very comfortably in that fact. As I mentioned in our last visit, while I did not need love fifteen years ago - as the battle scars of life and aging and politics have worn on this has become a real need of mine. You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that is so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) [16] in the faded glow of night's light - but hey, that would be going into the sexual details we spoke of at the steakhouse at dinner - and unlike you I would never do that!

Three and finally, while all the things above are all too true - at the same time we are in a hopelessly - or as you put it impossible - or how about combine and simply say hopelessly impossible situation of love. How in the world this lightening strike snuck up on us I am still not quite sure [17]. As I have said to you before I certainly had a special feeling about you from the first time we met, but these feelings were contained and I genuinely enjoyed our special friendship and the comparing of all too many personal notes (and yes this is true even if you did occasionally tantalize me with sexual details over the years!) - but it was all safe. Where we are is not. I have thought about it and in some ways feel I let you down in letting these complications come into a friendship that I hope will last till death. In all my life I have lived by a code of honor and at a variety of levels know I have crossed lines I would have never imagined. I wish I could wish it away, but this soul-mate feel I alluded too is real and in that regard I sure don't want to be the person complicating your life. I looked to where I often look for advice and counsel, and in I Corinthians 13 it simply says that, " Love is patient and kind, love is not jealous or boastful, it is not arrogant or rude, Love does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice in the wrong, but rejoices in the right, Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things" [18]. In this regard it is action that goes well beyond the emotion of today or tomorrow and in this light I want to look for ways to show love in helping you to live a better - not more complicated life. I want to help (one of Maria's sons) with film guys that might help his career, etc. I also don't want you walking20away (sic) [19] from some guy (I take it the younger guy you mentioned a t dinner) because of me - and what we both have to see as an impossible situation. I better stop now least this really sound like the Thornbirds - wherein I was always upset with Richard Chamberlain for not dropping his ambitions and running into Maggie's arms. The bottom line is two fold, my heart wants me to get on a plane tonight and to be in your loving arms - my head is saying how do we put the Genie back in the bottle because I sure don't want to be encumbering you, or your options or your life [20]. Put differently, given I love you, I don't want to be part of the reason you are having less than an ideal week in what sounds like a cool spot.

Lastly I also suspect I feel a little vulnerable because this is ground I have never certainly never covered before - so if you have pearls of wisdom on how we figure all this out please let me know ... In the meantime please sleep soundly knowing that despite the best efforts of my head my heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul. I love you ... sleep tight. M

PS. I will make it a point in NY tomorrow to drop by a store and get that movie I promised to send your way ... I am encouraged to know you will not keep it beside the bed least we have tangible evidence of two pathetic figures missing each other far too much to live a few thousand miles apart!

11. A lesser-known sex position.
12. Many more than three thoughts are expressed in this "note." Interestingly, none of these thoughts involve the imprudence of sending said note at all, or the possibility that it could fall into the wrong hands.
13. Presumably the speaker means a "whirlwind tour," and not a tour of the world's winds. The State did not mark this mistake, probably due to fatigue.
14. The content of the text calls into question whether the speaker was ever truly a specialist in this area.
15. Here the speaker reveals he is also not a specialist in metaphor. Readers should be warned of the dangers of putting gas in one's bank account, or love in one's gas tank.
16. It is tempting to assume that the speaker is referring to his lover's breasts, but he may also mean her ass and her elbow, or her duodenum and her spleen. All these body parts are involved in the "salad under the palm tree" position.
17. The speaker is referencing a common South Carolina weather phenomenon, "sneaky lightning." It occurs in mid-summer, during drops in barometric pressure, and "when you least expect it."
18. It is telling that the speaker chooses to reproduce this Bible verse, and not Exodus 20:14, " Thou shalt not commit adultery."
19. Another numerological interpretation of the number 20 is "I write really long rambling e-mails."
20. At this point the number of props and characters in this text has grown so large as to be almost unmanageable. No doubt the effort of mentally juggling an excavator, the Bible, John McCain, his lover's breasts, his mother, The Holiday, the characters in The Thorn Birds, a bank account full of gas, and a genie caused the speaker to commit errors in judgment that he, with his avowed concern for the mental health of others, ordinarily never would have committed.

Exclusive: Read E-mails Between Sanford, Woman [The State]
Maria [Politico]

(Photos annotated with Governor Sanford's own words.)


"In so doing, let me first of all apologize to my wife Jenny and our four great boys, Marshall, Landon, Bolton, and Blake, for letting them down.

One of the primary roles, well before being a governor, is being a father to those four boys who are absolute jewels and blessings that I've let down in a profound way. And I apologize to them."


"I would secondly say to Jenny, anybody who has observed her over the last 20 years of my life knows how closely she has stood by my side, in campaign after campaign after campaign and literally being my campaign manager, and in raising those."


"I would also like to apologize to my staff because, as much as I did talk about going to the Appalachian Trail (ph) — that was one of the original scenarios that I'd thrown out to Mary Neil (ph) — that isn't where I ended up.

And so I let them down by created a fiction with record to where I was going, which means that I had then in turn, given as much they relied on that information, let down people that I represent across this state. And so I want to apologize to my staff and I want to apologize to anybody who lives in South Carolina for the way that I let them down on that front."



I — I want to apologize to good friends. Tom Davis came over to the house. He drove up from Beaufort. And he has been an incredibly dear friend for a very long time.


"On the ride over here, I called the house, and in the background, I could hear my parents-in-laws, who had come up to be with Jenny, and I've let them down.

I had the most, you know, surreal of conversations a number of weeks ago with my father-in-law, laying some cards on the table.

And he was incredibly gentlemanly, as you cannot imagine, in saying here were some things that I was struggling with with regard to where my heart was, where I was in life — those different kinds of things.

And I let him down. I've let down a lot of people. That's the bottom line. And I let them down, and in every instance I would ask their forgiveness."


"And so, oddly enough, I spent the last five days, and I was crying in Argentina so I could repeat it when I came back here, in saying, you know, while, indeed, from a heart level, there was something real."


CQ Transcript: Gov. Mark Sanford Admits Extramarital Affair [CQ Politics]

After midnight
I got caught up in other threads, but the panel continued apace.

JASON: God. What were you thinking about when you woke up this morning. Doesn't it seem a decade ago?
SPENCER: What seems like a decade ago was the most despicably corrupt and abusive and ignorant and destructive and cynical and amoral administration in history, and yet it won't end for almost three months.
JASON: Picking through it's entrails will take even longer.
SPENCER: "...we may not get there in one year or in one term, but America I promise you, we as a people will get there." HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.
[ Latoya has entered the room]
SPENCER: LATOYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAA
LATOYA: Hell yes we can!
What's up y'all. Sorry so late, we got to drinking and crying...you know how it goes
SPENCER: Have you heard these MLK cadences and references in the victory speech?
MEGAN: Um, all the Lincoln stuff?
LATOYA: Yes, but I'm a bit too overwhelmed to process right now. I keep getting text messages from people who never wanted to vote, who never voted before, who felt so disengaged from politics - they feel a part of this too. It's sensory overload.
SPENCER: YES — WE — CAN. The return of it, through redemption.
MEGAN: It really is, I'm not processing anymore
SPENCER: This is even better than the Denver speech. How do we not become inured to this?
JASON: About five years ago, I was sitting at Tonic with my wife and a couple of friends, and I had had a few, not a lot, and I don't know how I got onto the topic, but I remember distinctly going off on a long lamentation about what it was like to be alive in the time of my life. Because it seemed to me that so many frontiers had been reached before I was born. And it seemed like so many frontiers would be denied by an overall mean-mindedness and smallness. And I wondered that night if I would ever live to see anything in this world that truly made me feel like there was a reason for me to be alive. And I lamented the lack of faith I had in those possibilities. All I can say tonight is that I never should have doubted, and I should have kept the faith, and I feel like the luckiest person in the world for having been proven wrong.
LATOYA: It is redemption, Spencer. This blowout was the end of an era. I really feel like I am waking up to a new America tomorrow. (Now, old America could be back next week, but still.) We're all lucky, Jason.
JASON: And with that, my editor tells me that he just got invited to the Mitt Romney in 2012 Facebook group. Seems our work is never done.

11:46 ET
As they call states, I will update here, but check Barack Obama's speech in a live thread, starting when he does: around midnight.
SPENCER: The largest presidential victory since Reagan 84. For the most liberal candidate since Lyndon Johnson.
MEGAN: LBJ may have been arguably less liberal.
SPENCER: INSHALLAH! Gergen and CNN are like the victory speech will tell us how Obama will govern. And yet I recall Bush's eloquent, bipartisan and conciliatory speech from Dec 12, 2000.

11:44 ET
Arizona went for McCain, Hawai'i for Obama. Obama has 338 electoral votes to McCain's 156 at this point.

11:37 ET
Nevada went for Obama, according to MSNBC. This is really turning into a blowout. Eugene Robinson on MSNBC keeps choking up and it's making me teary. I recommend watching him.

11:33 ET
SPENCER: Guys, Obama is up by 5000 votes in North Carolina with 93 percent of the vote in.
MEGAN: Fuck yeah.

11:30 ET
SPENCER: What is that music they're playing at McCain HQ? It's like the background theme to the scene in Braveheart where William Wallace gets drawn and quartered
JASON: That could be exactly what it is, you know.

11:27 ET
John again mentions that America chose Barack Obama and Joe Biden, and his crowd boos again and McCain says, "Enough." Someone then shouts out "Sarah!" For real, this is an extremely, extremely classy speech. His supporters can't ruin that, thankfully, mostly because, for once, he won't let them.

11:25 ET
When he mentions Sarah Palin, the crowd goes wild. Jason points out that someone shouted out "Palin 2012!" at McCain's concession speech. Really?

11:21 ET
Overall, an extremely classy speech by John McCain. He shot down people booing, shouted out Madelyn Dunham, and asked his supporters to support the next President. Someone in the background is shouting, "Nobama," like, dude, what the fuck. McCain is keeping it classy. If he had been this John McCain the last couple of months, seriously, I wonder what I'd be writing right now.

11:19 ET
McCain gives his concession speech. People boo the mention of Obama's name, and when McCain admits that Obama loves this country, people shout angrily.

11:18 ET
SPENCER: Fuck this I'm going to say it. Who here can really say they felt this American since 9/11? Last time from fear, this time from hope. All after this dark night of being told we were somehow less than American. And we're WHITE.
MEGAN: Jesse Jackson is crying.
SPENCER: Jesse Jackson is crying
MEGAN: I don't know how to watch older men weep.

11:16 ET
MSNBC calls Florida for Ohio as well, and they've got Congressman John Lewis (D-GA). He's speechless, practically. I mean, for a Congressman.

11:14 ET
MSNBC gives Colorado to Obama. This is really turning into a landslide.

11:12 ET
MSNBC reports that McCain called Obama to concede.

11:06 ET
SPENCER: They said this day — say it with me — WOULD NEVER COME.
MEGAN: I don't know that I actually really, really thought it would happen until right now.

11:03 ET
Not that you were really worried at this point, but Oregon and Washington apparently went for Obama, too. Everyone is grooving to Stevie, obviously.

11:01 ET
SPENCER: THE 44TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
MEGAN: Wow.
SPENCER: The dirt is officially off of America's shoulder.

11:00 ET
California goes for Obama, which means that Obama has 275 electoral votes. HE WON!!

10:59 ET
Bill Hemmer admits what we all suspected was the Republican strategy while talking about the Virginia vote total: "This is a state that John McCain knew he had to keep the overall vote total down to beat Obama."

10:52 ET
SPENCER: Could it be that with VA, Obama wins the presidency even without the West Coast? Is Biggie's dream coming true? WILL CRAIG MACK COME OUT OF RETIREMENT????
MEGAN: According to Fox exit polls, 92% of African-America voters in VA went for Obama, but only 39 percent of us crackers did. 63% of new voters went for Obama. Bush won independents by 10 points in 2004, Obama took then by 1 tonight.

10:45 ET
Spencer says that while I was entranced by Chuck Todd, Fox called Virginia for Obama. America, fuck yeah!

10:44 ET
Chuck Todd points out that, given the current projections, Obama taking California and Hawai'i alone gets him to 266 of the 270 required electoral votes.

10:40 ET
Republican strategist Michael Murphy says, "I'm doing a little back-of-the-envelope math with my friend Dr. Smirnoff back here." My friend is Madame Guenoc Petite Sirah 2005.

10:37 ET
MSNBC calls South Dakota for John McCain.

10:36 ET
Virginia's Board of Elections shows that with 87% of precincts reporting, Obama just pulled away in Virginia and is now up by 31,000 votes. Jason says, "Yeah. I think they finally counted my vote." Mine, too.

10:28 ET
Howard Fineman on MSNBC says, "[McCain adviser] Mark Salter sounded like he'd been run over by a truck." Anna says "Please, someone, back that truck over him."

10:25 ET
SPENCER: ... remember how in 2003-4, there was all this talk about how the Democrats were in danger of no longer being a national party?
MEGAN: They're taking back the Midwest, bitches.
JASON: And the West. And, it's still possible to claim NC. I give Obama a slim shot at NC.

10:23 ET
Dana Bash on CNN says that Sarah Palin and John McCain are watching their loss together in the Goldwater Suite at the Biltmore Hotel. Um, I guess no one is superstitious? I guess I forgot to mention, but Mississippi recently went McCain.

10:12 ET
JASON: I am officially calling Virginia for Obama.
MEGAN: Ok, you are the new Chuck Todd!
SPENCER: Chris Shays concedes in CT. House GOP now officially extinct in New England. NO SLEEP TILL LIEBERMAN!
MEGAN: God, I wish. WTF happened to him? Did you see today he promised to filibuster with the Republicans?
JASON: Someone really should drop by Hillaryis44 and see what those idiots are saying about tonight. "A Wee Childe's Garden Of Retardation."
MEGAN: Most of them bailed out of the comment thread at 9:30, and are accusing Obama of fraud, the rest of us of not getting it and predicting the country is going to hell. Don't bother.

10:10 ET
SPENCER: [Republican strategist Alex] Castellanos on the GOP: "We broke our brand... We spread the impression, and rightly so, that what we came to Washington to end, we became."
MEGAN: Ouch. But right.

10:09 ET
Fox is calling the Georgia Senate race for Chambliss. But, you know, they did that for Wicker a minute ago. He does have to get above 50 to avoid a runoff.

10:06 ET
Fox News takes back its call for Wicker, decided to call it "too close" to call. They give Idaho to McCain, though. They say that Colorado's Senate race is too close to call, ditto for Louisiana's Senate race.

10:00 ET
MSNBC gives Iowa to Obama, Utah to McCain. Fox has Nebraska, Kansas for McCain. Texas' John Cornyn (R) will keep his seat, Carl Levin (D-MI), Tom Harkin (D-IA) and Max Baucus (D-MT) will keep theirs. Fox is projected Roger Wicker (R-MS) will keep his seat, which means that unless the Dems pull of a victory that no one expected, they won't get a filibuster-proof majority.

9:58 ET
JASON: Obama has taken the lead in Virginia. And they haven't counted my vote yet!

9:55 ET
McCain takes Texas. Whoo.

9:51 ET
Virginia's Board of Elections has 40% of Arlington County precincts reporting 66% for Obama. Not that we're Real Virginia. Sadly for McCain, our votes count like we are. HA HA.

9:45 ET
Louisiana went for McCain. There's your legacy of Katrina.

9:43 ET
KAY: If people care about the ballot initiatives, early results show both the SD ban and the CO "personhood" amendment as losing so far.
MEGAN: Good, now if we can just keep California from passing Prop 8...

9:41 ET
The Dems just picked up the New Mexico Senate seat. That's 4 Dem pickups, if you're counting. Also, Chuck Todd just said that calling it a "narrow" path to the Electoral College for John McCain is stretching.

9:35 ET
KAY: McCain FAIL.
MEGAN: Totally.
SPENCER: MSNBC has Obama winning Ohio & NH. And what Kerry state could Obama possibly lose to McCain? CNN just called Ohio for Obama. YES, I THINK WE JUST DID.
MEGAN: Karl Rove was on Fox saying McCain had to take WA, OR, CA or HI, which seems fucking unlikely.
JASON: McCain may as well shit himself a pantsload of gold doubloons.
SPENCER: I am cueing up "Dirt Off Your Shoulder."
JASON: Word. Gimme the Jay-Z/Verve mashup. ABC News now has the Old Dominion at 50/50 with 72% reporting. I think Amanda Mattos' mission of mercy may have made the difference.
KAY: I guess this was wildly inaccurate. Huh.

9:31 ET
Looking at my TV, I note that South Dakota has re-elected Senator Tim Johnson, who started 2006 with a massive brain bleed that almost killed him. At the time, I was friendly with some (Republican) South Dakota politicians, one of whom was short-listed for the appointment if he passed. So I called him and said, "Hey, wow," and he said, "You know, it's an honor to be thought of in that way, but I just hope that Tim Johnson pulls through." That guy was all class. He's out of office now.

9:27 ET
KAY: Nate Silver, hot or awkward? My friends are divided on this issue.
SPENCER: I have just emailed Nate with the promise of sex with 100 Jezebels.
MEGAN: Although not my type, I was prevailed upon/ordered to add him to the list of the 10 break-out election hotties. There was a lot of affirmation of this choice.
JASON: Hank Williams, Jr. is singing at the McCain party. Hey Hank! Are you ready for some gettin' your punk ass handed to you? Also: talent skipped a generation.
SPENCER: HAHAHAHA JAMAL IS ON THIS LIST. He goes to my gym.
MEGAN: Yeah, that one was all me.

9:24 ET
JASON: 538 is back up, which in no way should stop those 100 Jezebelles from comforting Nate Silver.

9:23 ET
MSNBC follows Fox's lead and calls Ohio for Obama (according to Anna). Fox is all but calling the election over, barring a miracle.

9:21 ET
JASON: WorryTrolls have apparently killed 538.com.
MEGAN: Aw, poor Nate Silver. I think at least 100 Jezebels would be happy to comfort him personally.

9:18 ET
Fox calls Ohio for Obama! It means that McCain needs to pick up a Washington or Oregon to get past 266 (he needs 270 Electoral College votes to win). Karl Rove sounds depressed: "No Republican has ever won while losing the state of Ohio."

9:16 ET
Republican strategist Mike Murphy on MSNBC notes that McCain isn't doing as well as he was polling in Republican counties in Florida and he's behind with the Democratic counties barely reporting. Harold Ford (former Democratic Congressman from Tennessee and Julia Allison shtupper when she was a Georgetown student with a different last name) notes what I just did about Arlington County not reporting a damn thing yet.

9:13 ET
Governor Jennifer Granholm (D-MI) is on MSNBC. She says, "Forget 'drill, baby, drill,' in Michigan, it's 'jobs, baby, jobs.'" She's sounding a little fabulously gloat-y about how Bush and McCain both pulled out. Love her.

9:09 ET
Chuck Todd reports that there aren't a lot of votes counted in the northern Virginia counties of Fairfaz, Loudon, Prince William or Arlington. Current VA Board of Elections data have a 35,000 vote difference between McCain and Obama.

JASON: SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS. Remember! It's LOUDON. My god, if you fuck that up, those sprawl-loving fucks won't let you forget it.
MEGAN: There has GOT to be 35,000 votes in Arlington alone.
KAY: At least.

9:00 ET
Fox News calls Wisconsin, New Mexico, Minnesota, Michigan and New York for Obama, North Dakota and Wyoming for McCain. North Carolina, Virginia, Florida, Indiana, Ohio and Missouri remain too close to call. New Mexico is the first Bush state to go for Obama so far... Obama is way up in Ohio, and although Brit Hume mistakenly read it as for Obama when they still consider it too close to call, Obama was whomping McCain in the early numbers.

8:54 ET
KAY: Something to remember about Minnesota (the polls close there in 6 minutes): they have day-of voter registration. This tends to boost turnout among young people, who lean Democratic.
MEGAN: Here's hoping they think Coleman looks like Lurch, too

8:49 ET
SPENCER: Megan, do we still not have Northern Va & Richmond returns?
MEGAN: Nope. Jason and I were discussing earlier that, at least in Arlington, they were offering paper ballots to every person and, at least in my district, people were really taking them up on it even though we've used these touch screens since 2004. But that means that the relatively quick results from 2006 are going to have to be later this year — and that the media has been successful in freaking people the fuck out about touch screens.
JASON: Remember, if you were standing in line at the polls in Virginia when they closed, your vote is going to be counted. Also, many key Democratic districts came in late in 2006. I'd expect the same thing.
MEGAN: Yeah, in 2006, I walked in at 6:59 pm. But, whoa, Arlington hasn't reported anything yet.

8:46 ET
Chuck Todd points out that nothing is different than 2004 yet, although it looks positive for Obama in Florida and Indiana, but Virginia is scaring him, too.

8:39 ET
Fox calls Georgia for McCain.

8:37 ET
SPENCER: NH for Obama. MAC'S BACK IS CRACK'D
JASON: Still got to poach a state.
SPENCER: Yeah, I just wanted to shit on the "Mac is Back" chant from the NH primary.
KAY: John Kerry won his re-election campaign for Senate by a wider margin than he ever could've hoped to in 2004's presidential election. I think the Senate is his true calling.
MEGAN: Brit Hume does NOT look happy about announcing PA
SPENCER: Kay, I wouldn't bet on that.
MEGAN: Megyn Kelly is saying that the only group in PA that sided with McCain is white Catholics. 81% of Hillary supporters went for Obama. Whoa, 51% of seniors went for Obama.

8:30 ET
Fox is calling Arkansas for McCain, but Ohio, Florida, Indiana, Georgia and North Carolina are still too close to call. They're just now calling Pennsylvania. In terms of Senate races, Democratic Senator Mark Pryor will keep his seat in Arkansas. Republican Jim Inhofe will keep his in Oklahoma according to MSNBC.

8:23 ET
JASON: I have to say, it would be bittersweet for me if Virginia wasn't part of an Obama victory. I'm of the belief, though, that as in 2006, the key Democratic districts are going to come in late.
MEGAN: God, I hope so because the Board of Election's numbers are freaking me the fuck out right now.
KAY: The wildly unreliable exit polls show Obama leading among men and women in VA. If they're right, the math is undeniable. And agreed on VA's BOE.

8:15 ET
Jason informed us, solemnly, that the New Hampshire Senate race has been called for former Democratic Governor Jean Shaheen. That's the 3rd Demoratic pick-up for the night, but they don't get Maine or Kentucky. Democratic Senator Dick Durbin won in Illinois but (sniff) lost his 44-year-old daughter to a birth defect last weekend. John Kerry keeps his seat in Massachusetts. MSNBC says that both Mississippi Senate seats are too close, and Alabama and Oklahoma races are too early to call. They are not calling North Carolina for Hagan. Yet.

8:14 ET
SPENCER: Take a drink every time Dana Bash blinks and you will be FITSHACED.
MEGAN: That will make it very, very difficult to live blog.

8:10 ET
Fox calls North Carolina for Kay Hagan! Fuck you and your "godless" commercial, Liddy Dole!

8:07 ET
Fox calls Kentucky's Senate race for McConnell, but Democrat Jean Shaheen appears to be way up in New Hampshire and ditto Kay Hagan in North Carolina.

SPENCER:I can't say I'm happy about the McConnell call, but the way that AFSCME gay-baited him was really repugnant and a betrayal of liberal values.
MEGAN: Repugnant and ineffective. Hopefully we can say the same thing about Liddy Dole's "Godless" commercials.

8:03 ET
Fox calls Senatorial wins for Democrats Joe Biden (DE), Frank Lautenburg (NJ). Republican Susan Collins is the projected winner in Maine. It's still too close to call for McConnell in Kentucky, Dole in North Carolina or Chambliss in Georgia. John Cornyn (R-TX), Lamar Alexander (R-TN), Jay Rockefeller (D-WV) will keep their seats.

8:00 ET
MSNBC calls Pennsylvania, Illinois, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Maryland, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Maine, Delaware and D.C. for Obama. McCain gets Tennessee, Oklahoma. Obama's got 103 and McCain's got 34 electoral votes based on those projections.

7:58 ET
This is what happens when America keeps us waiting.

MEGAN: Valerie Jarrett is on MSNBC and is wearing a shirt from the Ann Taylor factory store. I know because I own the same shirt.
JASON: I'm sure you wear it better, Megan.
KAY: But we all know that coverage of women's clothing is sexist.
MEGAN: I am a sexist, everyone knows.

7:53 ET
Our team seems to have lost focus, except for Kay who is steely-eyed in her resolve to keep us on track.
JASON: The only question so far this election is: How many CNN employees got laid off so Wolf Blitzer could talk to fucking holograms?
MEGAN: Damn, MSNBC just showed a commercial for Australia and I now want to see it so. bad.
SPENCER: It took a 2-mile walk, but I now have a 6-pack of High Life and a Wendy's bacon cheeseburger. I'd like to believe the fact that I scored the last BBQ sauce packet augurs well for Obama-Biden.
KAY: Obama appears to have won a significant county in Indiana.

7:48 ET
Taking one for the team, Jason is watching Fox and says they have called West Virginia has been called for McCain.
JASON: No surprises so far. McCain wins SC, KY, up in WV (Fox has already called it.)

7:46 ET
MSNBC calls South Carolina for McCain, and Olberman says that an AP poll shows that 1/3 of voters who voted to re-elected Republican Governor Mitch Daniels (former Bush OMB Director and Eli Lilly exec) in Indiana voted for Obama.

7:43 ET
Have become completely obsessed with the Fox/MSNBC scrolls of individual House races. Olbermann is showing vid of McCain's last speech on the Straight Talk Plane. Cindy's staring at him adoringly. She's wearing her "I Voted!" sticker. His cardboard cutout is staring at me from behind McCain's right shoulder. He's kissing the press's collective ass. Amusingly, Lieberman was standing directly behind him.

7:35 ET ET
Virginia's Board of Elections shows that with about 5% of precincts reporting, McCain is up by 13,000 votes about of 103,000 counted so far. It's mostly rural counties reporting, with some suburban, according to Michael Barone on Fox News.

7:32 ET
Fox News is reporting that the North Carolina Senate race is too close to call and Kay Hagan has a slight lead. McConnell has a very slight lead in Kentucky. Chambliss has a slight lead but it's too close (and he has to get about 50% to avoid a run off in December).

7:30 ET
MSNBC reporting it's too close to call in North Carolina; Ohio and West Virginia are too early to call. Virginia and Georgia are too early to call, still, and Indiana is still too close (about 15,000 vote difference with only 14% in). I miss when they just used to call shit.

7:23 ET
I hate doing this, but Fox News' standards for what they'll show is way lower. With less than 1% in, they've got McCain way up in Florida and Georgia, a little up in Indiana with 10% in and Obama waaaay up in Maine with less than 1% in. MSNBC projects the Dems to take 261 seats in the House, Fox has them taking far fewer. They are now reporting another stupid lawsuit against Brunner in Ohio. They really, really like suing there in Ohio.

7:16 ET
MSNBC says Virginia's too early to call. That's because the Virginia Board of Elections does not plan to start releasing data until 7:30 ET. MSNBC exits polls could be positive for Obama.

7:02 ET
MSNBC projects Mark Warner (D) will pick up the open Virginia Senate seat and Lindsay Graham (R-SC) will keep his. It's too close to call in Kentucky (incumbent: Republican Mitch McConnell) and Georgia (incumbent: Republican Saxby Chambliss).

7:00 ET
MSNBC projects Kentucky for McCain, Vermont for Obama. They are not calling: Indiana (too close), Georgia (too early), Virginia (too early), South Carolina (too early).

6:50 ET
JASON: I just need to say: Someone has got to knock down this rumor of a Kristen Wiig/Joe The Plumber tryst PRETTY DAMNED QUICK. Who do we have on this?
MEGAN: If I were really drunk, I would hit that, too.
JASON: All I can say, is that with the level of notoriety he's gotten for himself, I'd better tune in in about two years to discover that he's the motherfucking KING OF THE PLUMBERS. If Joe can't become the Rupert Goddamn Murdoch of Plumbing and HVAC Repair, then he needs to get kicked in the fucking nuts by the entire nation.
MEGAN: I'll take the first shot.
JASON: Yes you can.