[Italy, September 29. Image via INF]

• Mischa Barton's former friend Nicole Richie is helping her get her life back together after her recent meltdown. Nicole, "stepped in and talked to her about making changes in her life… basically doing a 360," says a source.

• "Mischa isn't even smoking anymore, thanks to Nicole... Nicole told Mischa that she has to straighten up because she has a lot riding on this new show," added the source. We hate to question an anonymous source, but it seems her math is a little off there. [Radar Online]
• Maybe the rumors are true: Mischa Barton is scheduled to return to work on The Beautiful Life later this week. Her rep says she "will be resuming production as planned with the rest of the cast in NYC. She's back to business as usual." [People]
• Jessica Simpson said she's not going to ask Tony Romo to return the $100,000 boat she got him for his last birthday. She explained, "I'm not an Indian giver." [TMZ]
• Joe Simpson says Jessica Simpson is "doing very good," since the breakup and she got a 5-carat diamond ring this weekend from a random jewelry designer at a party. What more could a girl want? [E!]
• "Jen romping with so publicly with Butler is like stabbing a knife through Brad's heart," claims a source, because as we all know the only reason Jennifer Aniston continues to pursue romantic relationships is to make Brad Pitt jealous. [ONTD]
• Just so you know, Brad Pitt bought another motorcycle. [The Daily Mail]
• Some are interpreting a reference Miley Cyrus made on Twitter to a John Mayer song to mean that she's going to break up with Nick Jonas for Justin Gaston... or something like that. We can't spend anymore time trying to make sense of a 16-year-old's Tweets. [People]
• Apparently Demi Lovato is still friends with Miley Cyrus even though she just broke up with her brother Trace Cyrus. Lovato says, "Recently [Miley] sent me this four-page text message encouraging me and telling me she has faith in me. It was so inspiring and made me feel great – because I do get a bit overwhelmed by the paps sometimes." [People]
• Amy Winehouse is shipping all of her equipment back from the Caribbean so she can set up a new studio and start recording her third album. [The Sun]
• Now that their divorce is finalized, Blake Fielder-Civil continues to spill details about Amy Winehouse. He says of the first time she tried heroin, "We had a bottle of pink champagne and had sex and were lying on the bed together talking. I'd been smoking heroin on my own before that, but never in front of her. I got a bit for myself, and she looked at me and said, 'Can I have some?' I was out of my mind on drugs and I said, 'Of course'. She inhaled the heroin and then just sat back, smiled and her eyes went a bit funny. She said, 'I can see why you take this'. Amy took to heroin like a duck to water, same as me." [The Sun]
• DEA agents raided Dr. Conrad Murray's home in Las Vegas today looking for Michael Jackson's medical records. An agent spoke to the press and said Dr. Murray was home during the raid. [TMZ, TMZ]
• A spokeswoman for Dr. Conrad Murray's lawyer said, "It's a waste of time responding to all these timed ‘leaks' from ‘anonymous' sources... I have no doubt they want to make a case – for goodness sakes, it's Michael Jackson - but things tend to shake out when all the facts are made known." [Radar Online]
• According to Brody Jenner he doesn't hang out with Lauren Conrad anymore. "I haven't seen much of her since she left the show," said Brody. It's almost like the producers of The Hills were forcing them to hang out. [E!]
• Apparently this L.A. Candy movie is all part of Lauren Conrad's master plan. "Lauren's goal is to get into producing – it always was," says a source, "It was always to make L.A. Candy into a film or TV show. She's been in talks about it." [People]
• Daniel Bark, the man who allegedly hit and killed American Idol hopeful Alexis Cohen has been charged with aggravated manslaughter by causing the death of another while fleeing from law enforcement officers, vehicular homicide and eluding police. Bark's attorney says he's on suicide watch. [UPI, Extra]
• Simon Cowell is dating Mezghan Hussainy, a make-up artist who works on American Idol. [The Daily Mail]
• Marilyn Manson wrote this threat to journalists on his blog: "I can, but do not need to defend myself And the absurd accusations that the average press has clinged onto. If we need a nude photo of me to prove that I am far different than the soon-to-be-murdered-in-their-home press has decided to fabricate, that is easy. But if one more 'journalist' makes a cavalier statement about me and my band, I will personally or with my fans help, greet them at their home and discover just how much they believe in their freedom of speech. I dare you all to write one more thing that you won't say to my face. Because I will make you say it. In that manner. That is a threat. Mm" [Perez Hilton]
• It seems Marilyn Manson's comments were a reaction to a recent L.A. Weekly interview that paints him as a paranoid cocaine addict and claims ex Evan Rachel Wood was nicknamed "Snowflake" because "when they played shows, she'd hold all the coke." [Rolling Stone]
• A few days before their split from Reggie Bush, Kim Kardashian said in an interview about their house hunting expedition, "I've always wanted to buy a big house myself and ... It is time for me to move. I wish my sisters could move in with me...I don't think I would ever live with someone unless I'm engaged. I'm really firm on that. I have done it before. I would tell all my friends, the best thing is to keep your independence. It feels really good to be able to buy a place by myself." Of course, People thinks this is "telling." [People]
• Hulk Hogan's divorce from Linda Bollea is nearing an end. This morning they agreed to a final settlement over their assets and Hulk told reporters, "I'm a free man." [TMZ]
• Supposedly just six months into their relationship Josh Duhamel and Fergie's relationship is on the rocks because he wants to start a family and she wants to pursue her career. "Publicly they're painting a picture of sheer bliss, but behind the scenes, cracks in their young marriage are beginning to show," says a source. [The National Enquirer]
• The Sun quoted Estelle, who sings "American Boy" as Tweeting "Rihanna just doesn't do it for me," but she says they were actually quoting one of her followers and she never insulted Rihanna. [The Daily Express]
• Ashley Jensen of Ugly Betty and her husband, actor Terence Beesley, are expecting their first child in the fall. [People]
• Ethan and Joel Coen's A Serious Man and Drew Barrymore's Whip It will premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival. [Variety]
• Warren Beatty's lawyer is arguing that it would be too expensive and inconvenient for him to travel to Delaware for the trial to settle a dispute about the movie and TV rights to Dick Tracy. [AP]
• A reporter on Good Day Scramento joked during an interview with Joan Rivers that her daughter Melissa Rivers was just riding her coattails. Joan replied: "I think we're going to end the interview right here. Don't be so fucking smart." [TMZ]
• Josh Brolin says sex with Megan Fox was "uncomfortable" ... on screen in their film Jonah Hex. [The Sun]
• Leonardo DiCaprio was spotted flirting with Ashley Roberts of the Pussycat Dolls. [The Sun]
• According to a press release from E!'s Daily 10, Kevin Federline says of his relationship with Britney Spears, "It's been really cordial, you know, thank God. We've had our rough patches, but you know, right now, we're doing great." And concerning the rumors that he'll star in a reality show about him getting back into shape, Kev says, "It would probably be pretty interesting, you know?"
• A reporter asked Nora Ephron if it's possible to achieve real happiness without butter. She replied: "I feel this way, but, you know, there are probably some people who have probably achieved happiness without it. But I feel sorry for them." [The L.A. Times]
• Dame Judi Dench was almost hit by a speeding taxi in London. The driver yelled, "You stupid cunt!" and she replied, " That's Dame Cunt to you!" [Perez Hilton]
• Diane Keaton has spearheaded a campaign to keep a developer from demolishing the Century Plaza Hotel, a curving glass and steel building made in the '60s that Keaton calls, "a sexy woman surrounded by ogling men – Sophia Loren in the 1960s". [The Independent]
• "Who's not Team Edward?" says Jennifer Love Hewitt of Twilight's Edward Cullen, "There is not a girl in the world who's not Team Edward! Have you met girls who are not Team Edward? Well, they are not girls! They're aliens from another planet who should not be allowed to exist... Listen, Edward can fly you through the forest. He's like Aladdin with vampire teeth - there's magic-carpet rides. He can sing. He can watch you sleep. He plays music. He sniffs your neck. I mean, please!" [MTV]

[Venice, July 15. Image via WENN.]

I mostly just watched E!'s red carpet coverage, but I had the TV Guide channel on my picture in picture, and was intermittently terrorized by phantom asshole pains when faced with the reminder of my occasional struggles with hemorrhoids.

Ryan Seacrest was slightly easier to look at, even though he was wearing more makeup than Jay Manuel. His hands are a totally different color than his face.

Hugh Jackman has some skin tone issues as well. Too much time in the Outback, mate. Or the spray tan booth. Whichevs.

Moving on from skin, let's talk hair. Alicia Keys' wig looked like a wig, much like that of Devyn's from The Real World: Brooklyn.

Those girls need to get in touch with Saaphyri. She makes and sells lace fronts.

And that reminds me: BOOBS! The boobs on this baby doll prop made me uncomfortable.

But not as uncomfortable as Sex and the Titty.

As for discomfort, Goldie had her birds on a wire.

And we could all see Reese's "invisible" bra.

As well as this dancer's "nude" bra, which perhaps made me understand the term "Jai Ho" a little better.

No discussion about boobs would be complete without mentioning Philip Seymour Hoffman's hat.

The actual setup of the stage was nice, despite the fact that it was flanked by streamers one would expect to see hanging in the doorways at a bar mitzvah.

I liked how the audience was extremely close to the stage.

But I have a feeling that Jennifer Aniston didn't.

She seemed to be happy that Brad Pitt didn't win "Best Actor" though.

The thing about Heath Ledger winning "Best Supporting Actor" is that when everyone started to cry, you could really tell who's had Botox and who hasn't.






And this one couldn't move her forehead if her career depended on it, which, eventually, it will.

Part of Penelope Cruz's acceptance speech was in Spanish. Sadly, it didn't involve the phrase, "in another life when we are both cats."

Real translation via Radar:

All of the loyal people of Spain are now sharing this moment with me and feel that this is theirs also. I dedicate it to them. To all of the actors of my country, many thanks!

Some other highlights: How hot is Marisa Tomei's boyfriend? His name is Logan Marshall Green and he's 12 years her junior.

What do you think Diane Lane was trying not to laugh about?

Sean Penn looked like he was constipated most of the night.

I loved the look on everyone's faces during the acceptance speech for "Best Foreign Language Film," which started off as, "I…am…here…because of…films."

Even his colleague was like, "Whaaa?"

The bitch in me loved when Zac Efron's hat fell off.

And the bitch in me loved the bitch in Sophia Loren.

[Los Angeles, CA. February 22. Image via Getty.]

[Rome, January 25. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Says Ashton, "She probably wasn't just completely European. You've got to remember that her family had actually lived in Egypt for 300 years by the time she came to power." The composite is described as having a "shallow forehead, pointed chin, thin lips and hooked nose," and bearing no resemblance to either Elizabeth Taylor or Sophia Loren. [Telegraph]

[London, October 1. Image via Flynet]

First of all, the anti-circle propaganda we hear (they make you look tired! and old!) could be subtly racist, as the undereye circle is particularly prevalent among "African-Americans, Southeast Asians and Southern Italians," the Times points out. The race thing might be an exaggeration, but what's true is that when one covers up their undereye circles, they take away a certain depth and dimension to their faces. When you whitewash that depth, you also potentially whitewash the sexy. [Benicio Del Toro has them, and he is hot! I have 'em, too, and I never wear concealer. — Dodai]

Like Sadie I am a fan of neologisms, and I think part of the under eye circle's problem is public relations. Under eye circle just sounds so…unappealing. How about "vamp ring"? Perhaps "glamor crescent"? Or even "lover's shadow"! Sadie suggests "ombre d'amour." It's like a French perfume from the 20s! Sophia's ombre d'amour is ever so appealing. Fuck it. We should probably just name it after Miss Loren herself. Ladies of the world: unite with your Lorens flashing!

Putting ‘You Look Tired’ To Rest [NYT]

Earlier: The Dumbest, Most Pore-Cloggingly Ineffective Ways To Waste Your Money At Sephora

[Paris, January 22. Image via Splash.]

• Will someone please explain to us what Tom Ford has against women? In addition to the image at left, the new ads for his Tom Ford for Men fragrance feature a fully-naked woman with an oversized bottle of the fragrance "wedged" between her thighs. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Speaking of fragrance, the latest Estee Lauder fragrance being shilled by Gwyneth Paltrow smells like marshmallows. If anything makes us gag more than Gwyneth, it's the idea of smelling like S'mores. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• More proof that the fashion industry sorta sucks: Ann Taylor's chief marketing officer has thrown in the towel. [WSJ]

• The first-lady-to-be of Turkey is modernizing the Muslim symbol of female modesty, the head scarf, with inspiration from Italian sexpot Sophia Loren. [Guardian UK]
• Sadie Frost, the ex-Mrs. Jude Law, says her clothing line FrenchFrost's latest collection is inspired by imperfection. Because she no longer finds beautiful men perfect. Uh, bitter much? [Vogue UK]
• Big trend alert: Wearing vintage! [ABC News]
• Who will wear Balenciaga's Fall/Winter shoe designs? Uh, rich bitches and wannabes. [Sassybella]
• Japanese model Sayako Yamaguchi died yesterday at the age of 57. [Breitbart]