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Life Is High School
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Shamrockette
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
When I was in high school, I was very socially awkward and didn't really talk to anyone, since I don't feel comfortable with a whole lot of people. I always did well in my classes and the teachers loved me, but the students in my grade didn't really acknowledge my existence.

I'm still (somewhat) the same way in college, but really, after the hell that is middle school, I just gave up on trying to become popular and I just did my own thing. I've become a bit more outgoing in college, but I still feel the inferiority every day.
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the dodo, the cuckoo, and the nene
05/11/09

@Shamrockette is stickin' to it!: Middle school was by far the worst experience of my life. Far more than high school. Ugh...I shudder just thinking of it. It makes me want to homeschool my future children until high school.
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happysquid
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
Ok, I definitely went to an "atypical" highschool (heavy on the arts, light on the football) but I still knew that i was an oddball that didn't even fit in with the oddballs.

I got this a lot: "Happysquid, you're so...weird" said in that particular tone of voice.

Now, of course, my weirdnesses (speedreading, knowing a lot about tons of bizarre topics, creativity, etc) are a strength but I still feel like someone's gonna call me out for being an outsider.

Anyone else agree?
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the dodo, the cuckoo, and the nene
05/11/09

@happysquid: I know exactly what you mean. I have been called quirky and/or weird for many things, including my love of useless trivia, classical music, my obsession with obscure scientists, and obscure sense of humor. Sometimes I think that my life is a dream. And when I tell people this, they don't quite get it. I don't know if that made any sense, but yeah, the feeling never goes away.
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Everything MidnightBikeRide does is a balloon.
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
Did anybody else to go a gigantic diverse high school where the popular/unpopular thing didn't really apply? I had never even heard of the girl who was our prom queen, and sure don't remember her name. When you have 500 kids in your graduating class it's kind of hard for one clique to rule over everybody else.
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the dodo, the cuckoo, and the nene
05/11/09

@Everything MidnightBikeRide does is a balloon.: Yes, my graduating class was over 500 people. I knew the prom queen, but only because she lived down the street from me. I agree-it was definitely harder for one clique to rule over the others. Our school was nearly 2,000 students and quite diverse. It wasn't all a big happy family, but there wasn't a whole lot of competition to see who could be most popular either.
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Gretchen is a new kitten mom!
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
I teach in a HS and some days I swear the staff is worse than the kids. The coaches/ex-jocks always seem to get off with a lower workload, the geeks are the outcasts when they dare to enter the teacher's lounge and cliques are tighter than tight and constantly picking at each other. Fortunately I have an office to escape to - I'm the "loner".

Silly me. I thought we were adults.
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the dodo, the cuckoo, and the nene
05/11/09

@Gretchen (Newly sprung from the medical slammer!): I also work in a high school. It is way more cliquey than my actual high school experience was... Mostly because everyone sticks to their own departments, but I get what you mean. On days when I venture into the teacher's lounge and try to sit at a table with people that I normally don't sit with, I get strange looks. I'm only in my second year, but sometimes I feel like I'm joining a party where everyone knows each other except for me.
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rhymeswithfeather
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
The most popular girl in my high school got into an incredibly prestigious J-school (where she was also captain of her soccer team), interned at CNN and a major daily, and now has some killer job overseas with another important press outlet. And just in case you want to hate her, she took a year off after college to volunteer with orphans in Guyana.

What a bitch.
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happysquid
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
Noblet: Jerri, I know you want to be homecoming queen. We all want to be homecoming queen.

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thequeenofstartingover
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
My dad always has some nugget of wisdom and this one popped in my head: "Life is what you make of it". If you think of yourself as a "nerd" based on high school "stats" then hell you'll always be one. I think people should know that high school is not the basis for how you turn out as a person.

I was the trifecta of geek in high school, band, drama and art...but I was proud of it and embraced it because I had my circle of friends who were involved in the same stuff I was in. As for the popular kids...let them continue riding on that high of "I'm always fabulous!", they'll hit a speed bump soon
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the dodo, the cuckoo, and the nene
05/11/09

@thequeenofstartingover: My friends were all band/orchestra and scholastic bowl geeks. We loved it, and we didn't care what anyone else thought. I don't even know that we had a popular crowd at our school...I guess if you count people who drank at parties, but really, I never thought drinking was all that cool in high school, so it never bothered me.

Definitely agree though, life is what you make of it. I was a nerd in hs and I am still a nerd now!
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AndNowForSomethingDifferent
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
Wow, the more I read about other people's high school experiences, the more I realize how atypical mine was. And I only graduated high school 3 years ago.

I was an art nerd. I belonged to the drama club, I did the layouts for the yearbook, and I wore black every single day. My friends and I all listened to alternative music, we wore vintage clothes, and we we're affectionately noted as "wacky" by more than a few teachers. So we pretty much were prime bullying targets.

And oddly enough, we were left the hell alone. Maybe we were so weird, the "popular" kids didn't want to bother. But I also don't even remember there being a certain clique of popular people that we were expected to admire. We just did our thing, everyone else did theirs.

I had a really great high school experience (save for some inter-friend squabbles). But maybe this'll bite me in the ass later. I never really learned my place in the nerd heirarchy.

Oh noes, am I gonna get wedgied on my first day on the job!!??!
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the dodo, the cuckoo, and the nene
05/11/09

@AndNowForSomethingDifferent: I graduated from high school 8 years ago and your experience was similar to mine except that I was a band geek/Honors/Scholastic Bowl kid. I had a group of like minded band/orchestra/AP friends and we had a great time. And we were huge nerds, and we were proud of it. I don't even think there was a popular crowd at our school. Everyone had their little groups, but there was really no overt teasing going on. I actually really liked high school. Glad to be done, but I am looking forward to my 10 year reunion (in 2 years).

I also like to think that I am fairly successful, as are all of my friends from hs.
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clevernamehere
05/11/09

@AndNowForSomethingDifferent: This is pretty similar to how I would describe my high school experience but I'd chalk part of that up to being a girl. The weird, arty girls were mostly left alone, but at least 3 of my weird arty male friends were beaten up at one time or another by jocky guys. A few classes above me was a nasty alpha male type of guy.
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sadie p
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
Guys there have been loads of good and interesting questions on this, but I have a question on this issue in general.

I live in Europe and it's really fascinating for me to see how in representations of life in the US, high school is such a huge deal (especially movies). Douglas Coupland once said something about Americans being really fixated on this phase of life, and I don't totallt understand why culturally and socially it is such a big deal?

I'm not sure I can qualify this properly. I went to what's called a secondary school (same time of life) and there were all the same issues in terms of popularity, mean girls (though not cheerleaders), and events that approximate the prom. I was totally miserable, and while not an outcast or bullied or anything, I by no means was 'popular'. I went to college, things changed, everyone moved on, and in general I would say life is nothing like high school (equivalent).

Any Jezzies outside the States feel what I'm talking about, or you guys who do live there? It baffles me why it's such a big part of the cultural imagination (and I KNOW the answer is kinda in the question, adolescent angst and so on, but really there is no equivalent for this in my European experience!)
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emilyanne
05/11/09

@sadie p: no I'm with you, my experience really wasn't like a US high school, possibly because it was in England, there was no prom, there was no year book and everyone certainly moved on after high school. I've always been fascinated by the US high school experience precisely because mine was so different.
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sadie p
05/11/09

@emilyanne: Same here (Ireland) - formal graduation and so on but no prom queen/ king. Also we had to wear uniforms. NOT Saved by the Bell style!
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emilyanne
05/11/09

@sadie p: me too, uniforms no matter what type of school, private or state, I attended.
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SmaženýSýr
05/11/09

@sadie p: (Speaking as an American) Americans do conformity really well? My instinct is that, in post-revolution/post-Communist parts of Europe, people are much more likely to say, "Well, screw all that and everything it stands for," whereas we in the U.S. are more inclined to go buy Vogue and 26-inch rims. Conformity (or mainstream norms) is a given, and Hollywood and Madison Avenue are fixated on the high-school experience as part of those norms, which could explain why that experience is so pervasive in U.S. culture.

/rant
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J.D.Regent
05/11/09

@SmaženýSýr: it's definitely a post WWII, 1950s-based, weird conformist American thing. I don't have much more insight than that but I do think it has its roots in the strange strange 50s, when the US was rich, conservative and perky as hell while the rest of the world sacrificed to pull their countries back together again. I have no evidence for this.
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fulanita
05/11/09

@sadie p: I think this is something that really has been perpetuated by the media. Since high school really seems like a microcosm of society as a whole, it gets used as a setting for films and tv shows. Also, since the US is so supposedly democratic, it's easiest to portray hierarchies and social structure in the strict high school setting. which is why when Jane Austen novels or Shakespeare plays are remade they end up taking place in a high school.

I read recently about how American-style proms are cropping up in England and elsewhere just because of the media portrayals (since you can't have a high school movie or show w/o it culminating at prom!)
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J.D.Regent
05/11/09

@fulanita: ooooh good point on the fact that America is supposedly class-less so it's only safe to show power hierarchies among children. never thought of that!
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emilyanne
05/11/09

@fulanita: good point, and it's true they are increasingly popular in England whereas they were unheard of when i, ancient crone that i am, attended school.
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clevernamehere
05/11/09

@SmaženýSýr: The US is actually a really individualistic culture. Yes, we're socially conservative but we have less of a conformist culture than almost anywhere.

@fulanita: I think a lot of it is the media. Images of US high schools are everywhere but every school system has its quirks. I've been asked about the prom by a lot of Europeans and they always seem surprised when I say it was just a formal dance, not a life changing experience.
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dancingteacups
05/11/09

@clevernamehere: If I may, since I'm not American but Canadian, I think it's about being individualistic... in the same way as everyone else. I.e., working hard on your own without government help to achieve the same white-picket-fence American dream life that everyone else supposedly has.
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Schm
05/11/09

@sadie p: No, as an American I am baffled by this too. I have met lots of Europeans who say the same thing, that high school just isn't that big of deal for them. Also, I went to a low funded, very stereotypical "all American" school in a small rural town, and I've noticed that my miserable high school experience was drastically different from people who attended schools in more affluent, educated, or urban areas, and I've always wondered about why that difference is.

This is kind of long, but if you have time you should read it: [www.paulgraham.com]

It's a great examination of the hierarchies in American high school culture, and much of it rang very true for me.
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clevernamehere
05/11/09

@dancingteacups: I don't think it is, though a lack of government involvement is part of it. The US has an overabundance of wacky cults, communes and strange militias for a reason. There is an underlying individualism beyond not liking large government.
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kelsium
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
My graduating class was insanely cutthroat competitive. Something like 20% of us were National Merit Semi-Finalists, and everyone was president of something be it tiddley wink club, robotics team, student council, or a student run theater company. Everyone hated each other's guts and was constantly trying to outdo everyone else, and everyone partied as hard as they competed in everything else. I don't know a single person who graduated with me that was not being treated for depression, eating disorder, or a drug/alcohol problem, but we all went on to do the same thing in college. This is what happens when you go to high school, even public high school, in an Ivy League town.
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kelsium
05/11/09

@kelsium: My point, in case it was unclear (and it was unclear to me upon rereading, which seems to be happening a lot today), is that no one was popular because everyone wanted to kill everyone else to get ahead, and everyone was popular because we all self destructed together on weekends. So it's hard to measure.
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emilyanne
05/11/09

@kelsium: ha - that's actually quite like my final school, which was a convent boarding school (I went to five different secondary schools so it's hard for me to keep track, they were all quite different but the last was crazy competitive and filled with drug taking, hard drinking anorexics.)
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PromQueen
05/11/09

@kelsium: What did you all do in college?
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kelsium
05/11/09

@PromQueen: Continued to succeed and self destruct simultaneously.
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SmaženýSýr
05/11/09

@kelsium: I had a bunch of friends who were National Merit peeps; we referred to them as the Numsquats. I would like to believe this term is used nationally...
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kelsium
05/11/09

@SmaženýSýr: Ha! No, but it should be.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
Ehh. I can live with making less money. I like who I've become, and I know my friends are friends with me for the right reasons. A lot of them, I suspect, cannot say the same.
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PromQueen
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
I was the prom queen (which was stupid, by the way, and teen movies everywhere: I am talking to you). I was also a nerd. I'm still a nerd.
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morninggloria
05/11/09

@PromQueen: I was the homecoming queen and a nerd. People liked me because I wasn't mean.
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morninggloria
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
This doesn't apply to people who graduated from a public high school with 40 people (like me). We're all like a ragtag love/hate family who was forced together in kindergarten and then went our separate ways but never held any ill will toward anyone else once all was said and done.

Boyfriend's all male military boarding school's 10 year reunion is this fall. That is probably going to be interesting.
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Karlifornia
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
So, basically, this article is saying that I'm gonna constantly ditch out on life forever?
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BellaTricks
05/11/09

In reply to Life Is High School
Also: I went to a performing arts high school. Think Fame . So what does this mean for me?
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badmutha
05/11/09

@BellaTricks: It means your gonna live FOREVER! Light up the sky like a flame! Baby remember my name!
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dancingteacups
05/11/09

@BellaTricks: Me too! I majored in band, for god's sake... how much geekier can you get? And yet I enjoyed high school and had lots of friends because there wasn't much of a caste system.
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maybeimamazed02
05/12/09

@BellaTricks: It means I'm jealous of you.
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