Jezebel 
Enter your username and password.
New York, 6:04 PM
Tue Dec 15
73 posts in the last 24 hours
Tip your editors:
Editor-in-Chief:
Anna Holmes
| Twitter
Deputy Editor:
Dodai Stewart
| Twitter
Senior Contributing Editor:
Tracie Egan
| Twitter
Contributing Editors:
Anna North
| Twitter
Sadie Stein
| Twitter
Reporter:
Irin Carmon
| Twitter
Editorial Assistant:
Margaret Hartmann
| Twitter
Contributors:
Rich Juzwiak
Email | Twitter
Latoya Peterson
Email
Jenna Sauers
Lizzie Skurnick
Interns:
Katy Kelleher
Twitter
Weekends/Commenter Moderator:
Hortense
| Twitter
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
12/06/09
12/06/09
Interesting questions get interesting responses :)
12/06/09
12/05/09
So, questions: What are good, interesting things to talk to people about? What have interesting people drawn you in with in the past? If you're good at carrying on conversations with relative strangers, what do you do?
12/05/09
People love to talk about themselves.
(Even the introverts. Sometimes especially the introverts, 'cause they never talk, so no one ever asks.)
And not closed-ended questions that can be answered with "yes" or "no". If you forget and that happens, say "tell me more about that" if it's a guy or a bubbly girl or "would you tell me more about that?" if it seems like a quieter person. If they dead you, excuse yourself and get another martini.
12/06/09
"My sister and I are close, but we only see each other a few times a year. Do you see your siblings often?" Instead of, "How many siblings do you have?"
12/06/09
Who suggested this?
"maybe try to share something about yourself, and ask if the person has anything in common with it"
I don't remember precluding that.
"rather than ask straight questions."
I don't read where I insisted on that.
When I suggested asking questions, I don't recall specifying what kind, or only one kind.
People respond to different kinds of inquiry.
12/07/09
So I was trying to say, if you're going to ask questions, try to also share something about yourself and how that relates to the question. Otherwise you're just putting someone on the spot, and not everyone is comfortable with that.
12/05/09
12/05/09
And you sound like you're enjoying it *just* a little too much. :-)
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
However, I can't tolerate what I call "Mind eraser" question. You know, the sort that require so much thought as to erase any sort of memory, response, what have you. Or so much explanation, that you can't even begin to start. Such as:
"What are your favorite bands?"
"I haven't seen you in forever! What have you been up to?"
etc.
12/05/09
Really? I think "What have you been up to?" Is pretty standard. Frankly, if somebody doesn't ask that, that person might be self centered.
Maybe you are overthinking this. When somebody asks these things, just offer up one or 2 answers.
Just mention 2 bands you like, and 2 things you have been doing lately.
12/05/09
However, in the mind-eraser sense, I think it all depends on who is asking you. Such as: People who you only vaguely remember. That's when it gets mind-erasing.
Recently, I got the "What have you been up to?" question from someone that I knew ages ago from a dim (and most likely regrettable) night. Awkward.
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
I have no idea what I'd do at a party filled with non-nerds. But since I'm unlikely to be invited to anything like that, I probably don't have to worry.
I do know I sometimes talk about non-casual topics too much. But I mean...I don't know. Talking about the weather is boring. I have no sports interest or knowledge. So. I talk about books and movies and stuff that goes on. Because I just don't have a lot of inane things to say.
12/05/09
12/05/09
I have been in situations like it, though. I mostly just end up listening and being quiet. So many people have gotten the impression that I don't talk a lot...but it's just that I've learned when what I have to say will be reciprocated and have interesting conversations and not.
Makes me sad stories aren't more universal. I am a story nerd of the highest order, but, lots of other people don't share that.
12/05/09
My sister and I have bonded over Mad Men - which of Joan's outfits is the best? Isn't Peggy just like Mom's stories about immigrating to New York?
But I did not need to hear a 20-minute recounting of Tropic Thunder by a meathead.
12/05/09
12/05/09
I fall asleep standing up when the topic of private schools in NYC inevitably comes up; exclusivity, price, reputation. I call it " complain/bragging", oh, my kids tuition is SO expensive- fuck off and look into public schools loser. I tell the people complain-bragging that they have just launched into " the world's most boring conversation. " usually works.
12/05/09
*glomps you*
12/05/09
12/05/09
If someone's like, "I dreamed I had sex with Johnny Depp last night! We met in Paris and he magically wasn't married anymore. It was great. I woke up superhorny.": That's kinda funny and relatable.
But when someone's like, "I had this dream last night where I was at my parents' house, but it wasn't really their house, and you showed up, but your hair was shorter and your eyes were yellow, and then we were at the coffee shop, but they were only serving tea, and then a guy rode by on a horse...": The listener kinda is forced to just stare, because dreams often make no sense -- hence, there is no point to the story.
Anyway, I had this dream last night... ;)
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
But when you don't know someone that well, and they scrupulously describe a nonsensical dream they had as a point of conversation, there's not a lot to hold on to, as a listener.
I'm also of the school that says dreams are mostly just random tidbits of information your brain is processing as you sleep. They can be strange and disturbing and even powerful at times, but I don't think there's always a deeper meaning. So, not a lot to talk about there. Eh, just me.
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09
12/05/09