The Beautiful Hysteria of the Men of the World Cup
Of the many pleasures conferred by following the FIFA World Cup this year, one that has gone under-discussed thus far is that male hysteria has been in full, blooming display therein.
Soccer is Apparently Part of Gay Agenda Because of Colored Shoes
An Orthodox Russian priest is celebrating Russia's loss in the World Cup. Does he hate soccer? Yes. Because it's incredibly slow and boring? No. Because it's apparently all part of a "homosexual abomination" plan to oppose Christianity. Right. Of course.
World Cup Soccer Stats Erase The Sport's Most Dominant Players: Women
There are few sporting events I get as excited about as the World Cup. I played soccer in high school, in the NCAA, and for five years post-college, including two glorious years in the Golden Gate Women's League, Premier Division. What the U.S. Men's National Team has accomplished is extraordinary, with a second…
Sweaty and Sweet: The World Cup's Most Tender Man-Hugs
We're baaaaaaack and this time with some cutie photos of men touching one another (appropriately, of course).
Even the Waffle House Is Hopping on The World Cup Bandwagon
Sorry, Ann Coulter: Enthusiasm for the World Cup has spread so thoroughly across America that even the most Red State of breakfast institutions — the damn Waffle House — is currently calling for a boycott of Belgian waffles, in support of Team U.S.A.
Watch Java The Lab Play Soccer Like David Beckham
This video of a Labrador Retriever playing soccer like a pro is everything you need to prepare yourself for Monday.
This Dog Cares About the World Cup Way More Than You Do
Portugal may have won their match against Ghana on Thursday, but unfortunately they didn't make it to the round of 16. And no one knows that feel like Severa, the dog, who also adorably celebrated Portugal's equalizer against the US last Sunday.
Behold the Girl Scout Cookie World Cup
The Girl Scouts of the USA have made a little video featuring a team of Thin Mints playing soccer against a team of Samoas. Predictably, it's adorable. Unpredictably, the video features a cameo by a bloodthirsty cookie they're calling Luis "Samoa" Suarez, after the recently-suspended Uruguayan player with a habit of…
Genius Performance Artist Ann Coulter Is Now Pretending to Hate Soccer
Performance artist/"conservative pundit" Ann Coulter — whose previous bold works include "No Woman Should Be President" and "Screw You, Obama" — has debuted her newest piece, a brave and stunning indictment on American sports culture masked by a heightened and ridiculous tirade against soccer, on the Clarion-Ledger.
Men's Sports Uniforms, Ranked
Summer's in full swing, and there are sporting events all over the damn TV. The World Cup has presented us with lots of excuses to gaze upon Thighlights, but are soccer uniforms really the most awesome uniforms in the sporting world? If not, then what sport has the best uniform? Time for some investigative journalism.
Here Are All the World Cup Thighlights You'll Ever Need
USA! USA! USA! Ahem, now that we've gotten out of the way, let's check out some Hot International Soccer Players. Because when it comes to athletic physiques, we are no chauvinists.
World Cup Soccer Teams Face Consequences Over Homophobic Fans
Mexico and Brazil's World Cup soccer teams are facing disciplinary action following obnoxious behavior by their respective fan bases, who simply could not resist the urge to yell gay slurs at players from the other teams. But the two Latin American teams aren't the only ones with fan bases full of shitheads who can't…
The Non Sports Fan's Guide to Sounding Informed About the World Cup
The FIFA World Cup, soccer's premiere international tournament, begins today at 4 p.m., and you, non sports fan, are confused.
Ladies, You Can Be a Real Soccer Fan and Still Want to Bang the Goalie
It's possible — nay, natural — for a woman who is sexually attracted to men to watch the World Cup while perving the hell out. You're still a real fan if you realize once you level with yourself that you definitely want to fuck the goalie.
Heineken Sponsors Shoe Sale So Ladies Leave Men Alone to Watch Soccer
The Champions League final between Real Madrid and Atlético de Madrid is this Saturday, and, if you're familiar with tired tropes about how women are all basically mean mommies who want to ruin men's fun, that can only mean one thing: ladies are going to bug their boyfriends and husbands about watching The Big Game.…
Qatar's New World Cup Stadium Will Look Like a Giant Vagina
In preparation for the 2022 World Cup in Qatar, the architectural firm responsible for the stadium's design has released a short animation revealing their future plans. Any discerning human will be quick to recognize that the building looks exactly like an enormous vagina.
Korean Mean Girls Demand Top Women's Soccer Player Take Gender Test
South Korean ladies' soccer dynamo Park Eun-Seon is good at her sport. Real good. Like, man good. At least, according to a cabal of her fellow women's soccer league players, who have threatened to stop playing unless the league subjects Park to a humiliating gender test and releases the results to the public.
Thighdolization
LONDON, ENGLAND - APRIL 07: Paul O'Connell of Munster wins the lineout ball under pressure from George Robson of Quins during the Heineken Cup quarter final match between Harlequins and Munster at The Twickenham Stoop on April 7, 2013 in London, England. (Photo by Stu Forster/Getty Images)
A Spirited Game of Footsie
Liverpool's Jose Enrique, right, vies for the ball with Aston Villa's Nathan Baker during the English Premier League soccer match between Aston Villa and Liverpool at Villa Park Stadium in Birmingham, England, Sunday, March 31, 2013. (AP Photo/Kirsty Wigglesworth)
Portland Women’s Soccer Team Pulls ‘Feelin’ Thorny?’ T-Shirts After Outcries of Sexism
The Portland Thorns, a professional women's soccer team fighting for market share in a city where the official pastime is food truck scavenger hunting, caused quite a Facebook kerfuffle among soccer fans who thought punny new fan t-shirts emblazoned with "Feelin' Thorny?" were, oh, what's the word...sexist. In…
