And yet: The way he flirts with this blonde whose name I do not care to know? It's sexy. Sexy, I tell you!

You know this guy. He's a beautiful liar, he's gorgeously crooked and twisted — but only "because that's how the world is." Wounded, bitter, yet still feverishly hot. You're attracted to him, but you worry he'll steal your wallet, your best friend and your silverware. I lost a video camera this way once. And my virginity. Kidding! (Maybe.)

Here's a promo for James Franco's little brother Dave Franco. And then back to the story. If the way James says "amuse ourselves" doesn't get your spot hot, then you have a problem.

If someone can show me how to make "If it makes you feel any better, I don't want to have your babies" as a ringtone, I will be forever grateful.


Last, but not least, his shirt came off. Not as good as seeing him naked in Sonny, but what do you expect?

Earlier: WTF Hour Of Daytime TV: James Franco On General Hospital
Liveblogging James Franco's Soap Opera Debut

It feels like he's laughing on the inside the entire time, like, "Dude, I'm on a fucking soap opera. Heh."


Even when he's being creepy, it's hard not to love him.


I wonder if it was in his contract that he gets slapped by a woman at least once. It's the most soap opera-y thing to experience for a man.

2:55: Okay, I'm ready. I have my TV set to ABC, a mug of mediocre coffee, and some of Entemann's surprisingly excellent madeleines. Is this appropriate snackage? I think so. I will need to muster all my wits to follow this.

2:59 They say it's "shocking."

3:00 It's on. Philandering. Interrupted philandering.

3:01 That guy has rage issues. The woman is long-suffering. Oh, here are some obvious wise-guys in dark suits.

3:02 Some dudes are planning a hit. A beggar approaches. OMG, was that beggar FRANCO?! Wait, he's going to turn so we can see his face! Yes! And there's a cover of "Mad World" playing! It is so on!

3:03 The philandering lady is really nervous. MAYBE BECAUSE HER LOVER IS HIDING IN THE NEXT ROOM! Oh, and her sweet boyfriend is talking about buying land so they can build a home together. He wears the horns. The poor cuckold.

3:06 They're all planning a "Franco exhibit" at the gallery. Five years ago he was an anonymous wall-tagger, now he's a world-renowned artist. He's a recluse though. No one's ever seen Franco. Is he a facially-challenged Phantom of the Opera, they ask? Haha! If they only knew!

3:08 Hm, maybe a perky, fashionable blonde can coax the elusive Franco to do a photo-shoot...I guess "Franco" is like a Banksy figure?

3:09 This plotline with the angry guy and the tearful woman confuses and bores me. Bring on Franco.

3:10 A shootout. The beggar/Franco is lurking in the shadows. Eating something, like Stonewall Jackson on the battle-field. He is clearly a cool customer. He assumes some kind of...karate stance?

Commercial. 3:15 "James Franco's Little Brother Dave Franco?" Yeah, he's never heard that one before. Aparently he's joining the cast of Scrubs.

3:16 We're back. Franco's "art" is apparently some kind of installation of a crime scene.

3:18 This woman had to compromise herself 50 different ways every day. Claudia found out about Dante and used that information as leverage.

3:19 The shootout continues. People alternately die or disperse. Franco, smiling in a creepy and sinister way that indicates this might be some kind of "art" to him, lurks in the shadows, then waves after the departing gangsters.

3:22 Commercial. No, I don't want to cut corners by using a broth with MSG. I like the 365 Organic one, though.

3:23 Port Charles. Is her lover going to lurk in the other room this entire episode?

3:24 Good thing she concealed that cufflink. That was close.

3:26 Uh oh, she senses looming disaster at the Franco opening. Me too. I'm also anticipating a Count-of-Monte-Cristo-style entrance in a balloon.

3:29 Now Franco is rearranging a body. He throws some change at it. "Keep the change," he intones. Commercial!

3:30 I hate that bear Charmin campaign. I just imagine their fur all matted with excrement, which I would not have thought about otherwise.

3:33 It's back. Domestic drama. Dante. Sonny. Feuds. Secrets and lies.

3:35 With one word from John, Sonny will make Dante a dead man.

3:36 Crime scene. Something's off about the position of that body...

3:38 They need to find the homeless guy. He's the only witness!

3:39 It's Franco! Out of disguise, in a large, atmospheric, geniusy apartment. There's a piano. "I need you," he says into the phone. "Should I wear anything special, or nothing at all?" says a sexyvoice.

Commercial. Has anyone tried those new readymade cookies with the all-natural ingredients? No, there's no commercial for them on, just wondering.

3:42 It's back. Ok, we get it: Olivia will always put Dante first. I have no idea what's going on and I get it. Why doesn't John?

3:44 "Someone's not going to make it out alive." Yawn. Commercial.

3:51 It's back! Crime scene. And that body is definitely suspicious. In fact, someone crushed his windpipe.

3:47 Commercial. Sigh. A segment without Franco is like...regular General
Hospital.

3:49 Those Betty Crocker cookies makes me think of the part of Heaven to Betsy when Anna says, "Ja, and I'll bet they all taste alike!"

3:53 Why did the "homeless guy" wave at them? What's his deal? Mad...or mad like a fox with knowledge of crime procedure?!

3:54 Franco's face is being caressed by sexy woman! He is kinda sweaty! They ARE MAKING OUT! She speaks only in sexy one-liners!

Commercial. Sometimes I think the only upside to some awful freak accident death is that the New York Post would refer to me as a "beauty," regardless of actual appearance.

Oh, wait, it's over? Oh. It looks like Franco makes out with a lot more people next week.

So, assuming that this is his art studio, and seeing the sign in the background, will Franco be playing a character named Franco?


It appears that he's a multi-media artist, expressing himself through photography, painting, and evidently—from this still—installations. (This bed setup so Tracey Emin circa '99.)


He's also into graffiti. What does his tag mean? Is it some kind of James Bond 007 thing?