In the almost two weeks since his Thanksgiving weekend car crash, much has been speculated about the state of Tiger Woods's marriage...and the reason for the crash itself. (In a press conference last week, the Florida Highway patrol announced that its representatives saw no evidence of anything but reckless driving and, in a statement a few days later, Woods confessed to "transgressions.")

Of course, Tiger's reported infidelity and problems with his wife are private matters, but matters that filtered through to the public consciousness long ago. Nothing better epitomizes this than this past Saturday's SNL skit with Keenan Thompson playing Tiger Woods and Blake Lively as his wife Elin.

The skit moves the assumptions about what happened to Tiger Woods three steps forward. "Elin" is shown standing behind Woods at a press conference, during which Woods makes increasingly feeble excuses as to his battered state, finally holding up a sign saying "help me." Many of the excuses the writers provide are classic lines from the domestic violence "script" ("I fell down the stairs...") and Elin hovering behind him menacingly is supposed to add to the laughs.

Obviously, many people found this funny. But in the context of how we talk about domestic violence in this country, I found it downright depressing. It's hard enough to get these sorts of conversation going without a catalyst - reports on domestic violence often go unremarked upon, and unless there is a celebrity hook, most news outlets will not spend much time going into detail about those reports. And, as we saw in the case of Chris Brown and Rihanna - the latter was the musical guest on SNL, as Hortense pointed out - even if it eventually emerges that domestic violence did occur in a high-profile couple, most of the public conversation revolves around blaming the victim and trying to silence discussion entirely. But, as Elizabeth Mendez Barry wrote over on The New Agenda, the way in which we frame such conversations has a great many unintended consequences:

The Bloods have a strict policy against domestic violence. That's what a 16-year-old male affiliate proudly told me last year before a weekly "gang awareness" meeting of about fifteen teens, most of them Crips, Bloods or Latin Kings, at a high school in Castle Hill, the Bronx. That week, the topic was domestic violence, and several members of the group, including the 16-year-old, said that hitting a woman was never acceptable. Others argued that there were situations where it just couldn't be helped.

The conversation turned to an article I had written about domestic violence in the hip hop industry for Vibe. The rapper Big Pun grew up near the high school, and his devastating abuse of his wife (which started when the couple was just 16) was described in the piece. "I heard she cheated on him," said the only young woman in the group, and others repeated some of the many rumors that swirled around Pun's wife when she told her story (up until then she had been Soundview's favorite widow). Several people enthusiastically launched into scenarios where it was OK to hit a woman. There were many. The bottom line: sometimes you've got to teach a woman a lesson if she gets out of line. It sounded like a man's responsibility.

In the midst of the rationalizing, one usually talkative young man stood up and walked out. When he returned twenty minutes later, he quietly told the group that his aunt had recently been murdered by her abusive boyfriend. It was no longer a hypothetical conversation. The jokes stopped. Young men who were significantly invested in their inner gangsters gave them time off, and started talking about how domestic violence had affected their lives–and it had affected most of them. The young woman, who minutes before had been arguing in favor of beating females who didn't know their place, talked about how despite the rules, male gang members beat up on female gang members. Behind her swagger, she seemed anxious.

Why discuss teenage gang members when the issue at hand is a couple of unaffiliated celebrities? Because frank conversations like the one I described are rare, but they're crucial to stopping relationship violence and healing the wounds it inflicts not just on its victims, but on their families, and even on abusers, many of whom grew up in abusive households themselves. Because of one young man's honesty about his own experiences, everyone else anted up. The conversation got past knee jerk reactions, and revealed some of the pain lurking behind them. It certainly didn't resolve all the issues that came up, but it was a start that gave a group of teens an opportunity to share the conflicting emotions they had about the issue.

Teenagers and children are listening to how we treat these conversations. With Chris Brown and Rihanna, many different groups, writers, and bloggers spoke out against victim blaming, about stereotyping based on race or nationality and about quickly forcing someone into the advocate role.

With Tiger Woods it's a bit more difficult. It's true that we do not know exactly what happened, in large part because Woods and his family aren't elaborating and, perhaps more importantly, because the State of Florida sees no further reason to suspect domestic violence. Thing is, with skits like the one shown on SNL, the message being sent is that it is okay to joke about punishing men with force. That it's understandable for women to react to allegations of infidelity with violence. Such demonstrations tell us that men bearing the brunt of a woman's rage should be the subject of laughter, not concern.

Some, of course, won't see what the big deal is. Admittedly, I didn't either - until recently. I was walking through New York one night with a friend when we passed a heterosexual couple who appeared to be having an argument - but with an inverted dynamic. In this case, the male (who was taller and heavier set than the woman) was trying to retreat while the female aggressively screamed, pulled and tugged at him. I sighed and kept going. After we got about a block up the street, my friend stopped me. "I'm sorry, and I'm sorry for dragging you into this, but we really have to go back." She explained that her brother was in a situation with an ex-girlfriend that was violent and full of manipulation, but that neither police, nor his apartment security took seriously the fact that his petite ex-girlfriend was out to do him bodily harm. "I have to help," she pressed. We turned around. Standing on the corner closest to the still-warring couple, she asked, "I'm sorry to be intrusive, but do you need any help?"

"Mind your business bitch!" shouted the woman, now trying to leap onto the man's back.

"Yes, I do," he said. The woman hit him.

For the next twenty minutes, the four of us engaged in horrible game of frogger: my friend and I would flag down a cab, and the woman would physically block the man from getting in and leaving the scene. Repeatedly, he lifted his hands, making sure to announce loudly "I am not touching you, I am not trying to touch you, please let me get in the cab."

Occasionally, the woman would remember we were around and would scream at us to leave - she was insistent that he come home with her and not to his house. After the third pissed off cabdriver left with no charge, we decided to call the police. The man didn't want us to leave and the woman showed no signs of giving in. When the cops showed up a few minutes later, one of the officers rolled his eyes. We left.

Even with that experience, I might have not taken violence against men seriously - except for the fact that it kept cropping up in seemingly strange places. A coworker laughed off a prominent mark on his face with a bashful, "oh, you know the wife." A friend asked me to accompany him to pick up his child in an increasingly rancorous (and increasingly violent) shared custody situation. Another coworker initiated divorce proceedings when the honeymoon went sour and his wife started taking literal bites out of his skin.

I know many people will shrug this off as well - but it's worth asking why we sweep violence against women under the rug, and play violence against men for laughs, but are still too afraid to risk confronting any of these issues directly. Saturday Night Live writers: I'm asking you first.

Update: TMZ reports that The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is not pleased:

During the show, the audience laughs, but Smith claims, "There's nothing funny about this story, particularly if violence was part of the events that took place ... I hope that SNL refrains from using this kind of skit in the future as it diminishes people's support for victims of domestic violence."

Beyond Gossip, Good and Evil [The New Agenda]
Domestic Violence Group Rips SNL's Tiger Sketch [TMZ]

Earlier: SNL Brings Us "Shy Ronnie," The Salahis, And Gossip Girl: Staten Island
Game Over: Woods Charged With Reckless Driving; No Evidence Of Domestic Violence
"Some Simple, Human Measure Of Privacy": A Textual Analysis Of Tiger Woods

• Robert Pattinson took Kristen Stewart to a "secret" dinner with his parents. So secret that this Britloid knows about it!

Apparently the Sparkle Vamp's mom and dad "got on like a house on fire" with Kristen. Perhaps eventually these kids will be "ENGAGED!" like Ok! declared in September. [The Sun]

• At a New Moon press conference, Dakota Fanning "struggled to look interested." And: "Her wide-set eyes sometimes drifted to the middle distance as her co-stars answered questions. Even her responses to the adoring crowd of movie buffs and reporters felt uninspired." Maybe she was tired? [The Daily Beast]
• New Moon actor Kellan Lutz was declined entrance to his own movie party. [Page Six]
• Rihanna is dating Tristan Wilds, whom you may know from 90210… Or as Michael on The Wire. [Gatecrasher]
• "Jon Gosselin signed a secret, hand-written contract with Kate Major, hiring her as his personal assistant, promising to pay her a percentage of his "accounts" and spelling out that she would not talk about their relationship." [Radar Online]
• Bijou Phillips doesn't want to attend the premiere of her film Made For Each Other, because she might have to answer embarrassing questions, in the wake of half-sister Mackenzie's incest revelations. [Page Six]
• MTV has bought the rights to air Michael Jackson's This Is It beginning in 2011. Meaning: There will actually be music on MTV! [NY Post]
• Evan Chandler, 65, the father of Jordan "Jordy" Chandler — who accused Michael Jackson of molestation — killed himself via a gun to the head earlier this month. He was reportedly suffering from a serious illness, though the ailment was not named. [NY Post]
• Penelope Cruz was on David Letterman's show last night, and refused to admit if she was engaged: "I've been here a few times with you, you know I'm tough. One thing I don't do, I don't lie about my personal life," she said. "It's sacred to me. It's my life. But I don't give details about it because I am allergic to that." [People]
• Tina Fey went to the unveiling of Barneys New York's SNL-themed holiday windows, and the papier-mâché Sarah Palin hanging in the window "started spinning around uncontrollably," which was alarming. [WWD]
• Gerard Butler doesn't read gossip. He says: "I try and stay away from anything anybody sends me, some clips or articles that tell me what's going on… I normally tell them to leave me alone and to not remind me. But it's normally when I'm doing press someone will say 'oh so, is it true about...' - and that's when I catch up on all my rumors, when I'm doing press junkets." [Mirror]
• Michael Musto's interview with Levi Johnston is Hi. Larious. MM asks if Levi's junk is "really the Alaska pipeline" and Levi claims he's no Kevin Federline, because "I'm a country singer-I'm not gonna be no rapper." [Village Voice: La Dolce Musto]
• Beth Ditto was asked what she was doing in Paris. She replied, "I am trying to be really cool." Then she did a cover of "I Will Always Love You," the Dolly Parton song made famous by Whitney Houston, saying, "it's my favorite song." [WWD]
• Carrie Prejean is threatening to sue Vivid Entertainment if the company releases photos or videos of her "solo sex tape." [TMZ]
• Frances Bean Cobain has Bard at the top of her list of colleges. [Gatecrasher]
• Does Charlie Gibson bad-mouth fellow ABC anchor Diane Sawyer? [Page Six]
• Jennifer Lopez's ex, Ojani Noa, claims he's getting death threats after trying to sell a book and "steamy" home video of J. Lo. [Page Six]
• Adam Lambert, aka Glambert, is on the cover of Out magazine — with Wanda Sykes, Cyndi Lauper, Lt. Dan Choi and Rob Marshall — and the editor's letter suggests his record label didn't want him to be on the magazine solo, because that would be "too gay." The EIC writes: "It's only because this cover is a group shot that includes a straight woman that your team would allow you to be photographed at all…" Is this the same record label that okayed this shot? And this one? [MSNBC Scoop]
• I can't figure out if this story about Hulk Hogan being attacked at a press conference is real or a wrestling stunt. And isn't Ric Flair retired? All I know is that there's a hip hop song named after him. Ric Flair wittit! Woo! Yeah so anyway: Hulk was bleeding from the head after the "attack" and there's a picture. [News.com.au]
• Aaron Eckhart and Molly Sims: Dating. [People]
• The Bob Saget reality show actually sounds interesting. [NY Post]
• Whoa. Avril Lavigne is dating Wilmer Valderrama? Okay. Does she know that in a radio interview with Howard Stern, he talked about how Mandy Moore was a virgin until he met her? He's also been linked to Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ashlee Simpson. [Life & Style]
• A-Rod has given Kate Hudson a ring, but it's not an engagement ring, it's a $39,000 white-gold ring to thank her for her support of the Yankees. Allegedly. [Gatecrasher]
• Celebrities can make money off of Twitter? Damn. [NY Post]
• Oprah's homeslice Nate Berkus is about to sign a deal to star in his own syndicated daytime talk show. [NY Post]
• Wall Street 2 costars Carey Mulligan and Shia LaBeouf are totes in love. [Gatecrasher]
• John Travolta and Robin Williams became good friends after crashing a wedding in 1977; now they're in their first joint film, Old Dogs. Apparently, at some point in the movie, Travolta and Williams mix up their medications. Travolta's face turns into a Joker-like smile, while Williams' tongue grows to the size of a dill pickle. "That scene, I've probably laughed harder than I ever have," Travolta says. "I knew I wanted to do the movie when I read that part. I'd pay $10 to see that scene." Maybe because you're a millionaire? [USA Today]
• The interwebs have been buzzing about the banned Enrique Iglesias video, "Sad Eyes," in which our hero indulges in phone sex, then picks up a hooker… The pole/phallic imagery is not to be missed. And if you haven't seen it yet, you can, at the link. [Buzzfeed]
• This column is all about Rose McGowan's face. [NY Daily News]
• Rod Stewart's lawyers want $3,309,871.34 in back legal fees. [TMZ]
• The IRS wants over $1 million from Aaron Carter. [NY Post]
• Thirty-six items of clothing Audrey Hepburn wore on and off the screen from 1953 to the late '60s — along with accessories and letters — will be auctioned in London next month. [NY Post]
• Gloria Estefan lost a $220,00 Bulgari diamond bracelet getting out of a car in Miami, but her husband found it. [Page Six]
• "Slumdog Millionaire star Anil Kapoor says he and Danny Boyle will ensure the kids from the movie go to school to earn their trust funds." [Page Six]
• "We're in two minds. Damian doesn't want us to add to our family under any circumstances. He wants to remain the golden prince. He says, ‘Mummy, our family is big enough.' We toy with it but we're not sure." — Liz Hurley is not sure if she is going to have more kids; her son certainly doesn't want her to. [Daily Express]
• "I'm going to make a film on Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. It won't be a so-called David Lynch film, really; it will be about Maharishi and the knowledge he brought out. It'll hold a lot of abstractions. We're on our way to India in December to start the India part of it." — David Lynch. NY Mag]
• "It's scary on the one hand because we have really big shoes to fill — for God's sake, Marcia won a Tony for this role! On the other hand, there aren't a lot of great, great, great roles, especially for women, especially for older women, of which I am one. And I'm a stage actor primarily. I always have been, even though I took a break, but that's how I got my training before I began - eighteen years of stage in New York. Yes, it's daunting: We'll all be compared to the other cast. It doesn't matter - I don't read reviews, I don't care what other people say. At this stage of my career, there are no career moves anymore. I just think when a part like this comes along, you've got to grab it." — Christine Lahti is taking over Marcia Gay Harden's role in God Of Carnage. [NY Mag]
• "Farrah's and my relationship was based on a deep love and respect for one another and for our son Redmond… After discussing how her financial affairs would be handled in the event of her passing, we agreed that our son Redmond would be the primary beneficiary of her estate," he goes on. "These were Farrah's wishes and I am perfectly happy with them." — Ryan O'Neal doesn't care that he's not in Farrah's will. [Us Magazine]
• "During shooting I tried to not go onto the Internet at all if possible. I started to pay attention to fan reaction to the trailers that have been out and what kind of stuff they like, just in order to get a temperature of where things were heading. I think you end up being a politician responding to polls if you pay too much attention to the Internet. Because it's a quick way to convince yourself that one particular person who happens to be Twittering at the moment just happens to be the authority. I try to put out fires when bizarre rumors get started. One rumor I addressed was that the Volturi scenes were supposed to be set in a bathhouse with everyone naked." —Twilight director Chris Weitz. [Techland]
• "I watch Twilight and New Moon and I think, Gosh, there are a million lines that I wish were in it that aren't. You can't be expected to capture the book - what you are expected to do is capture an essence. That's always subjective. It's something that eternally worries me, but at the same time you have to suppress those thoughts. You would be playing a really disjointed character if you were taking everyone's considerations. It's impossible to please everyone. As long as they know that you are working hard, as hard as you can, I think the actual fans of the book accept that and appreciate that." — Kristen Stewart. [Time]
• "When I was reading the books, I felt so bad for Jacob's character. I was, like, 'Wow, he can't get the girl he wants and he's being shut down and used.' But now that I'm actually filming it and living this character, I feel so much worse." — Taylor Lautner, aka Twilight's Buff Werewolf, when interviewed earlier this year. [LA Times]
• "I felt pretty goofy stepping out into the sunlight in front of 2,000 people in a town square, ripping my clothes off. I was essentially doing a striptease. But here's the irony, it was also one of the moments where I've really felt closest to people's emotional attachment to Edward... It was quite uplifting and it was also very nerve-wracking." — Robert Pattinson. Mirror]

• Nicole Richie has obtained a restraining order, preventing two celebrity photographers from coming close to her or her kids.

Nicole claims that one of the snappers trespassed at her home and the photographers often stomp their feet on the ground to try to get a reaction from her. [AP]

• In court, Nicole Richie's lawyer called Joel Madden her husband, but he misspoke; the Nicole and Joel are not married. [TMZ]
• SHOCKER: Robert Pattinson will be People's "Sexiest Man Alive." [OMG Blog]
• Whoa: Oprah has to get a pay cut if she wants to keep doing her show? How will she be able to afford her favorite things?!?! [NY Post]
• Avast me hearties! Johnny Depp has agreed to a $35 million pay deal to be in the fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean film, which makes him the highest-earning actor in Hollywood. That's a lot of dubloons, savvy? [Telegraph]
• Kate Hudson was asked if Alex Rodriguez actually has a painting of himself as a centaur in his house. She dodged the question, sorta, saying "That is the craziest thing anyone has ever asked me." Video at the link. [MTV News]
• Great Scot! Behold: Gerard Butler in a kilt. [Gatecrasher]
• "Hollywood Hills Burglar Bunch" suspect Alexis Neiers pled not guilty to breaking into Orlando Bloom's house yesterday. [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton's brother Barron got one of the "Burglar Bunch" bounced from a club Saturday night. [Page Six]
• In case you missed it, Sarah Palin called Levi Johnston an aspiring porn star on Oprah. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Oh, and Sarah Palin won't go on Letterman, because: "I don't think that I'd want to boost his ratings." [NY Post]
• Levi Johnston's Playgirl shoot did not include full frontal nudity. [People]
• Anthony Michael Hall's ex-girlfriend has a restraining order against him after he allegedly stalked her and attacked her in her apartment. Farmer Ted's spokesman says: "All of the allegations are erroneous and will be addressed accordingly." [Page Six]
• The Los Angeles City Council would like to get back $3.2 million the city spent on Michael Jackson's memorial service. A spokesman says: "During these tough economic times right now, that's big money. We're laying off, people are getting furloughed...It's still money that we put out for a memorial service for Michael Jackson." [E!]
• Meanwhile, Joe Jackson is claiming that Michael Jackson's name was forged on his will and is trying to get the executors of the will fired. [TMZ]
• Cindy Crawford's alleged blackmailer, Edis Kayalar, has turned himself in at a police station in Stuttgart, Germany. [AP]
• The Today show cancelled Al Roker's interview with Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, so, naturally, Spencer Tweeted some rude things about Al. For example: "WEATHERMAN I thought you were out of town today getting your stomache[sic] stapled again?" And: "you look very sick? Do you always look like your[sic] about to die? How old are you 97? You should retire asap- No one would even know?" [Us Magazine]
• A judge in Massachusetts has thrown out a lawsuit accusing Elisabeth Hasselbeck of plagiarism in her book about celiac disease. [AP]
• A paparazzo kept on calling Becki Newton "Kelly Ripa." So Becki rolled with it and did her best Kelly impression. [Page Six]
• Congressman Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) thinks Carrie Prejean should have a career in politics. [TMZ]
• No one recognizes Robin Wright Penn with her dark hair. [Gatecrasher]
• Wait: Robin Wright Penn is now Robin Wright. And she was overheard at the screening of her film The Private Lives Of Pippa Lee saying: "This is all about new beginnings for me." [Page Six]
• Lady Gaga's tour without Kanye is already a success, as tickets are selling out super quick. [Gatecrasher]
• Ryan Reynolds and Anna Faris will star in TMI, a flick about too much honesty in a relationship. [Variety]
• Anna Faris has also been cast in a romcom called Wedding Bannned, in which she'll play Robin Williams' daughter. The story? "A long-divorced couple kidnap their daughter (Faris) on her wedding day to prevent her from making the same mistakes they did. The parents rekindle their relationship as they elude cops and the angry groom." [The Hollywood Reporter]
• BREAKING: Lindsay Lohan is the top fashion party attendee in New York. [Page Six]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley threw a birthday party for the guy who wrote New York Minute, aka one of the worst movies I have ever seen. [Page Six]
• Twilight fans in LA are already camped out to see New Moon. [NY Daily News]
• Hey, look, a Britloid published a lie and apologized again! This time they printed erroneous info about Sharon Osbourne. [Daily Express]
• Mary J. Blige says her song for Precious is fairly personal: "I went into the studio and cried hard, reaching back." [Variety]
• Heather Locklear = "drama" and "diva antics" on the set of Melrose Place. There was a button missing on her jacket and she allegedly said: "You've got to be (bleeping) kidding me, right? What kind of operation is this?" Then she stormed off. Allegedly. [MSNBC via the National Enquirer]
• In the piece at the link, Heather Locklear talks about Melrose Place, saying: "I saw the pilot and I wasn't sure, still. But then I saw the second episode and I thought, 'This is really fun, the clothes are great and now they're starting to get into some story lines.' And I went, 'I'm in. If I'm not the one who killed Sydney, I'm in." [LA Times]
• Congrats to Adriana Lima and hubs Marko Jaric, who welcomed a baby girl, Valentina Lima Jaric, in NYC on Sunday. [NY Daily News]
• Tila Tequila has filed a lawsuit against her ex, football player Shawne Merriman. She's using pictures of her bruises as evidence. [TMZ]
• Wow, the CW might bring back Mischa Barton's show The Beautiful Life, even though it was cancelled after two episodes. Tough times? [NY Daily News]
• Tom Waits' daughter painted Hilary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi lying down and embracing each other in their undies?!?! [Page Six]
• RIP Ken Ober, host of MTV's Remote Control. [NY Times]
• "[We're] becoming more juvenile as a nation. The guys who won World War II and that whole generation have disappeared, and now we have a bunch of teenage twits." — Clint Eastwood, to GQ. [NY Daily News]
• "It is all on Steve. Steve Martin has done this before, while for me it is the first time. All the pressure is on Steve Martin." — Alec Baldwin is not worried about hosting the Oscars. [People]
• "Everyone seems to enjoy it. But I don't think it's that funny." — Kathie Lee Gifford on Kristen Wiig's impersonation of her on SNL. [NY Daily News]
• "[I had ] big boobs because I was breast-feeding; I was perfect for it. I wouldn't get cast now." — Nicole Kidman on her role in Nine. [Gatecrasher]
• "The idea that there has been a sullying of my image ... I'm not going to be buried with an Us Weekly. I don't give a (expletive) about it anymore, I can't worry about it and I don't worry about it. And I don't think people want me to worry about it." — John Mayer is all about the music, you guys. [AP]
• "When you say to a girl, 'I play golf,' her eyes glaze over. I do feel guilty about my golf. You know you're a sad case when you spend your spare time reading books on putting or going on YouTube to watch slow motion golf swings. I'll get out of bed in the middle of the night and practice my swing in front of a mirror. I'm obsessed and it's destroying my life. Golf is an addiction." — Hugh Grant. [Daily Express]
• "You're looking at someone who would get the belt every day. 'Will you shut up, Susan!' - whack! I was often left behind at school because of one thing or another. I was a slow learner… I'm just — I'm a wee bit slower at picking things up than other people. So you get left behind in a system that just wants to rush on, you know? There's nothing worse than another person having power over you by bullying you and you not knowing how to get rid of that thing." — Susan Boyle. [AFP]
• "My whole dating thing, I've been kind of chillin'… I mean, I'm Chris Brown. I'm not saying it like that, but it's just, like, girls are going to be around. I love women. But I would say I've just been chillin'. I haven't really been trying to get into a relationship or trying to date anybody." — Chris Brown. [MSNBC via MTV News]
• "I never planned to write a book. I wasn't planning on a career in writing, I wasn't thinking about stories I wanted to write down. But I had a dream… My husband thought I'd gone crazy. I didn't speak to him for ages because I had all these weird things going on in my head. I wasn't telling him about this vampire obsession because I knew he'd freak out and think I'd lost my mind." — Twilight author Stephenie Meyer. [Daily Express]
• "I finally had a healthy beautiful baby girl and I couldn't look at her. I couldn't hold her and I couldn't sing to her and I couldn't smile at her… All I wanted to do was disappear and die. [I believed] I should not exist. The baby would be better off without me. Life was never going to get better – so I better just go." — Broke Shields discussed her post-partum suicidal thoughts on Monday while receiving an advocacy award from the Hope for Depression Research Foundation in Manhattan. [People]
• "In Vancouver, shooting New Moon, I tried something. They have this thought that no one there wears hoods except for problem people. It's the only city in the world where hoods are not fashionable. It's like if you're wearing a hood you're going to mug people. So it's a boring disguise, but it worked when I wore a hood. And then I'd sort of spit on the ground a little bit and do a little bit of shaking around as you're walking. Everyone moved around to the other side of the street." — Robert Pattinson, on being "in disguise." [Time]

Kenan Thompson's "What Up With That?" was probably the funniest skit of the night, if only because it was absurd on many levels; Bill Hader plays Lindsay Buckingham for no reason whatsoever, James Franco makes a cameo appearance, which is a theme this season, I guess, and Kenan spends the majority of the skit singing the very catchy theme song, which I've been singing since last night. I'm still not sure if flashing the BET logo and presenting Kenan's show as a BET show—on which he is the only black person out of about 10 cast members—was an in-joke at SNL's expense or a sign of how oblivious this show is when it comes to the their own casting issues. Slightly related: Andy Samberg was totally missing from last night's show. What up with that?



Kristen Wiig stopped by Weekend Update to make fun of Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder, which we covered on the site last week. Update: Apparently Hulu's coding for this is redirecting to a Doogie Howser clip right now, and NBC's site is redirecting to some kind of error, so hopefully this will be fixed soon. In the meantime, here's another Weekend Update clip:



The Rock made another appearance as "The Rock Obama," which is fine, whatever, as long as we don't have to sit through Armisen's increasingly half-ass impression for a full sketch (though in fairness, he seemed to be more on last night than in previous weeks):



This Beauty and The Beast sketch was filled with beautiful sets, costumes, and multiple ass jokes. Bill Hader's Lumiere makes it worth watching, really.



Overall, okay, but the show dragged a bit and Andy Samberg's absence was noticeable. Kristen Wiig had yet another sketch devoted to an awkward character in a big wig and 70s clothes, which is just getting annoying, as it's really overdone. I know Wiig has seniority on the show at this point, but it would be nice to see the other women in the cast have roles that aren't "background singer #2" once in a while, you know? The best part of the night might have been the Bud Light ad campaign, which showcased Dress Rehearsal footage from past SNL seasons, which made me laugh harder than anything on the actual show. Anyway, what did you think of last night's episode?

The episode started with another weak Obama impression by Fred Armisen, who is either doing some sort of subtle commentary by giving up his impersonation halfway through the skit or is just over the job altogether. It was a pretty weak opening, but the monologue, which poked fun at host Drew Barrymore, had a few bright spots:



Continuing the "impressions were the best part of the night" theme, Bill Hader's James Carville impression just keeps getting better and better, and was truly the highlight of the show:



The "Celebrity Ghost Stories" sketch featured Abby Elliott's Anna Faris impression, as well as a cameo by Justin Long, who stopped by to play Matthew McConaughey. The sketch slowed down with Drew Barrymore's attempt at playing Sharon Osbourne, but overall it was one of the better sketches of the night:



Here's Andy Samberg's Scrooge McDuck impression; it's terrible, but it still made me laugh.



And finally, here's Regina Spektor's performance of "The Calculation."

The show had a rough start, thanks to an incredibly icky Mackenzie Phillips Family Feud sketch that failed to connect with the audience, for fairly obvious reasons. However, Andy Samberg turned things around with this digital short, "On The Ground," which includes the tragic destruction of a cake. Maaaaaaan!


Madonna made a surprise cameo in this "Deep House Dish" sketch, which probably would have been a lot funnier had her mic been working. It was hard to hear what she was saying, so many of the jokes fell a bit flat, unfortunately. Madonna did get one zinger in, though, asking Lady Gaga: "What the hell is a disco stick?"


Lady Gaga was a great sport throughout the show, as this silly sketch with Andy Samberg demonstrates.


New cast member Nasim Pedrad made her Weekend Update debut as "Mrs. Ahmadinejad."


Scarlett Johansson, married to the night's host, Ryan Reynolds, showed up to reprise her "You gotta get a chandelier!" character in order to sell some porcelain fountains.


Though Ryan Reynolds was a solid host, and the show was pretty decent (barring that dreadful Family Feud skit) I'm guessing most people will be talking about Lady Gaga's musical performances, like this one. Overall, it was much better than last week—let's hope next week's episode, with Drew Barrymore and Regina Spektor, continues the pattern.

Up until Slate's now-notorious f-bomb, which she dropped during a "Biker Chick" sketch wherein her character prefaces everything with the word "friggin'," the show was consistently boring, with Megan Fox being used primarily as a prop in a series of skits that, in true SNL fashion, just didn't seem to go anywhere. If the writers were trying to play on Fox's sex kitten image, they didn't serve her very well; they fed into the stereotypes without really poking fun at them at all, and Fox spent most of the episode just standing there, looking a bit lost. Whenever they did give her the opportunity to show her comedic skills, she actually did pretty well. It's a shame they didn't give her more to work with.

In any case, Slate's slip-up is pretty much the only memorable moment from last night's show, and though some are already making comparisons to Charles Rocket, who was fired in 1981 for a similar incident, I doubt Slate will lose her job over the slip. NBC is refusing to comment on the matter, but I'd guess a seven-second delay and an FCC fine will be the punishment. The whole thing is fairly ridiculous: God forbid someone say "fuck" on television after midnight.

Though this may be the first memorable moment in Jenny Slate's SNL career, I highly doubt it will be the last. If anything, NBC and SNL should be thanking Slate; her mistake is the only reason people are talking about the season premiere. She's clearly a talented comedian and I hope this hullabaloo dies down soon, as I think she could really go far on SNL and bring a much needed spark to a show that has been flailing for some time now. Even before she slipped, her skit was one of the premiere's brighter moments, and hopefully next week we'll be talking about her friggin' characters and her friggin' talent instead of the friggin' f-word.

Language Of Saturday Night Live Cast Member Isn't Ready For Prime Time [NYTimes]