sm - Jezebel

posts about #sm more →
S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
What Was It About Bettie Page?
The State Of The S&M Union
Saucy Brits Love A Little Bondage In The Bedroom
When It Comes To Sex, What Exactly Is "Normal"?
Researchers: Spanking Can Lead To Sexual Deviancy

If The Shoe Fits, You're Wearing It Wrong
Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask
We certainly feel HER pain.

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

boxspelunker
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
Maybe I am the most boring person ever, but I just have no interest in S&M-style stuff. I do not want to be tied up. I do not want to tie my partner up. I do not like being smacked with things (on the ass or anywhere else). I don't really like blindfolds, either. I don't have any moral issues with it, I am just not interested, like one is uninterested in a TV show.

Man, I am an unenthusiastic person.
Reply

boxspelunker was starred boxspelunker was unstarred

whats_in_a_name
04/02/09

@boxspelunker: well then you should join the international club for unenthusiastic people, just don't get to excited about joining or we'll have to kick you out.
Reply

whats_in_a_name was starred whats_in_a_name was unstarred

boxspelunker
04/02/09

@whats_in_a_name: I guess I can join. I'll probably drop by every once in awhile. But not too much, or I will look enthusiastic :D
Reply

boxspelunker was starred boxspelunker was unstarred

SpiceMustFlow
04/03/09

@boxspelunker: You're not necessarily a boring person. What you are is a vanilla person, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Reply

SpiceMustFlow was starred SpiceMustFlow was unstarred

boxspelunker
04/03/09

@fluffybudgie has an avatar: Yeah, but when someone calls you "vanilla", they're usually not saying anything nice, which makes me sad :/ Well, once, I got called it as a racial thing.

I always feel like there's something awfully weird about me, because this is always the kind of stuff that's like, "SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE BY DOING LIGHT BONDAGE OR WATCHING PORN" and it's like... but I don't have any interest in it. And some moral objections to porn. Honestly, it's that I fear that should I ever have a sex life, I will be the most boring person ever and whoever it is will be like, "Fuck this shiz, I am outta here" because they are so bored. BOOOO

WHOAH sorry for the novel here.
Reply

boxspelunker was starred boxspelunker was unstarred

TheUptightMidwesterner
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
If my husband read this article- all he would get out of it is:

"Housework is foreplay."
Reply

MediasBlue
04/02/09

@TheUptightMidwesterner hasn't smoked in 48 days but is stil...: We must be married to brothers...
Reply

MediasBlue was starred MediasBlue was unstarred

grrl
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
soooo.... doing things together brings couples closer? whether that's S&M or cooking? so, like, if I want to be close with my partner I should, you know, do stuff with him? wow, I totally never would've figured that out without the help of science. *eye roll*

I also think the study TOTALLY missed the point about why S&M activities may lead to closeness. It's not reliant on the rise in stress hormones (which, btw, I'd like to see compared to "straight" sex), it's the intimacy itself that results in closeness. Like, duh. And I doubt the rise in hormones helps women "cope cope with the aggressive nature" of the activities, as the article claims. I don't think any consenting women needs hormonal help "coping" with activities that she's choosing to engage in. The rise is likely just the body's natural response to increased activity, heightened awareness and pain. And if she needs help coping, that's where communication with her partner comes in -- which is what leads to the closeness, not a hormonal rise.

Sheesh, I feel like they got their science degree through correspondence school from the back of a magazine.
Reply

grrl was starred grrl was unstarred

Her Grace
04/03/09

@grrl: It seems sort of obvious the study was conceptualized by a bunch of guys sitting around going "Why do people like S&M? EW!" and then trying to come up with scientific-sounding explanations (and, as usual, failing the correlation/causation concept) for why other people could like something they, themselves, did not enjoy.
Reply

Her Grace was starred Her Grace was unstarred

randomnessish
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
Well, duh. I don't let anyone ride me like a horse while suspended over a bed of spikes, while wearing a black leather corset and an iron mask as they smack my bum with a riding crop and tug me on a leash. And when I do, I definitely makes me feel closer to the person who uses me as a foot rest--like we've shared a certain special something, like a romantic walk along the beach.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and buff my leather bondage straps.
Reply

randomnessish was starred randomnessish was unstarred

Jack_Burton
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
Sometimes you gotta make time to make-out...

That's my theory, and I'm stickin' to it.
Reply

Jack_Burton was starred Jack_Burton was unstarred

inabook
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
I can actually see S&M as being more bonding than vanilla sex, because it does take a greater measure of trust to let someone, say, blindfold ayou and tie you up. And its a little MORE inherently silly, you feel more vulnerable often, it takes more creativity on the part of the top, and after you're done, the cuddling seems more tender, as if to assure each other that no, none of that was really how you feel about each other deep down.
Reply

inabook was starred inabook was unstarred

emdy
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
I told you that you needed handcuffs and a whip for a good marriage

(Referring to the comment I made about the lady who handcuffed herself to her estranged husband and bit him.)
Reply

emdy was starred emdy was unstarred

ZLevee
04/02/09

@emdy: I recall
Reply

ZLevee was starred ZLevee was unstarred

Mary McCarthyite
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
I read Wiseman's quote and thought, "DUH." Do we really need scientists to tell us that? Seems common-sensical to me.
Reply

Mary McCarthyite was starred Mary McCarthyite was unstarred

wordinedgewise
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
When your partner comes along,
you must whip him!
To keep your relationship strong,
you must whip him!
He might do something wrong,
unless you whip him!
Reply

wordinedgewise was starred wordinedgewise was unstarred

R_Claw
04/02/09

@wordinedgewise:
Whip it up
Into shape
Go forward
move ahead
try to detect
it's not too late
to whip it
whip it good
Reply

R_Claw was starred R_Claw was unstarred

randomnessish
04/02/09

@wordinedgewise: Similarly...

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear

But much more for the touch of your whips, dear

You can raise welts like nobody else

As we dance to the masochism tango

Reply

randomnessish was starred randomnessish was unstarred

Steve_Holt
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
When my husband and I are feeling distant we usually like to do things together like a walk, or a project around the house, or you know, bringing out the ball gag and whip. It's important to do things as a couple.

I plan on saying this to another mom next time I'm at the playground with my toddler.
Reply

Steve_Holt was starred Steve_Holt was unstarred

Bunsen Honeydew
04/02/09

@Steve_Holt: I'll give you five bucks if you do.
Reply

Bunsen Honeydew was starred Bunsen Honeydew was unstarred

raphaela
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
Making my husband do housework is a form of S&M.
Reply

raphaela was starred raphaela was unstarred

Hamsterpants
04/02/09

@raphaela: HA!!!
Reply

Hamsterpants was starred Hamsterpants was unstarred

vamusical
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
You don't need to have wild sex to bond, just do housework instead! Well THAT'S a relief!
Reply

vamusical was starred vamusical was unstarred

little_engine_that_could
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
Hmm housework or nipple clamps? Theres a tough a decission for ya...
Reply

Brigit
04/02/09

@little_engine_that_could: Housework in nipple clamps does sound like a safety hazard...
Reply

Brigit was starred Brigit was unstarred

tomatoheart
04/02/09

@little_engine_that_could: Just use clothespins -- sorta combines the two!
Reply

tomatoheart was starred tomatoheart was unstarred

Hamsterpants
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
...but be careful of combing S&M and cooking together. You may wind up with an EasyPeeler somewhere you don't want one.
Reply

Hamsterpants was starred Hamsterpants was unstarred

Mary McCarthyite
04/02/09

@Hamsterpants: Of course, I had to be drinking water when I read that. Sputter!
Reply

Mary McCarthyite was starred Mary McCarthyite was unstarred

Brigit
04/02/09

@Hamsterpants: You'll end up owing me a box of keyboards one of these days.
Reply

Brigit was starred Brigit was unstarred

limber
04/02/09

@Hamsterpants: Exactly what I was thinking. Some enterprising overachiever's going to multitask, and it'll all end in tears.

And possibly other bodily secretions. But mostly tears.
Reply

limber was starred limber was unstarred

R_Claw
04/02/09

In reply to S&M Brings Couples Closer Together
Well smack my ass and call me sally!

No that's actually what I have him do, except not the call me sally part. :-)
Reply

R_Claw was starred R_Claw was unstarred

BabyJane
04/02/09

@R_Claw(a/k/a Mrs. Edward Cullen): Ha!
Reply

BabyJane was starred BabyJane was unstarred

MarissaExplainsItAll
04/02/09

@R_Claw(a/k/a Mrs. Edward Cullen): Sally is my new safe word!
Reply

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

SUBSCRIBE TO Jezebel

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment