I'm pissed because people so frequently try to take women down a peg by attacking their sexuality, automatically throwing out names like "whore" and "slut." And that shit happens to me, even though I own my promiscuity. It's even more hurtful when it comes from other women.

Sexual double standards are still annoyingly prevalent, and tearing them down has been my personal crusade as a feminist. Accepting insults cast upon my sex life would be undoing everything I've set out to accomplish. I hate when people say that I fuck so much because I have a low self-esteem, or that I'm lonely, or that I just want attention. In fact, in my first ever post on my personal blog, I stated that the only void I'm trying to fill is the one between my legs. And I know that I'm not the only one. There are tons of other women out there just like me (you're probably reading this right now!), who engage in casual sex purely for the physical merits of it. And I think that we all find comfort or solidarity in sharing our stories with each other, because as women, that's how we do: Bitches love talking.

I feel defeated sometimes knowing that people aren't able to fathom that women don't need a reason to have sex other than just wanting to fuck. It's like, if we aren't in a relationship or prostituting, then there must something wrong with us. By saying that sex is only useful to single women as a commodity devalues our existence.

What's more is that I've never tried to be sexy in my writing. If anything, I like to explore the more unpleasant aspects of sex, because they're more interesting to me (like herpes or queefing). And you know, I don't have any delusions about being completely altruistic. I get plenty of benefits from writing about sex, like this job, for example.

I know I can tend to be all TMI, but I think that's because I place a lot of emphasis on I, and if people think that's TM, then TS. That's much more of a reflection on them than me. I've noticed that the shit I tend to write is like a literary Rorschach test.

And I'm probably preaching to the choir here, since this isn't a common problem I encounter on Jezebel (which actually proves my point that I'm not the only unabashed slut out there). But from here on out, I'm putting my foot down. I'm not taking any shit anymore, because like it or not, it's not gonna keep me from spreading my legs, my anecdotes, or my opinions. Real talk.

Earlier: Queefs: What's The Etiquette For Dealing With Air Up There?
Contrary To Popular Belief, Herpes Is So Whatevs
Last Night I Boned An AVN Award Nominee

See, the Vatican purposely dictates from on high that all Catholic school uniform suppliers manufacture their pleated skirts at a preposterously low hemline. (One could make an attempt to alter the hemline, but one's mother would generally invite one to go fuck herself, those pleats are permanent press anyway.) So one is a left with a choice; not whether to roll up the waist, but how many times.

This serves as a constant reminder to all female members of the student population, no matter how modest, that they are all sinners, living life in constant risk of being given a detention whereby Sister Elizabeth could potentially waste the entire afternoon forcing them to copy the biography of St. Francis De Sales — perhaps the least interesting St. Francis, not that one would be absorbing information anyway — because one would be preoccupied plotting the coy request for a ride from whatever Primus listening potsmoking dude who got busted for wearing Vans one happens to be sitting next to.

The prospect of punishment for the rolling up of the kilt also keeps one constantly attuned to the intentions of the potential enforcers of said punishments. The retired Colonel who wearily barks "KILTS DOWN" when one passes — he is waiting to die. The chemistry teacher who insists one kneel on the floor every period so he can personally inspect the length of one's kilt — a pervert. The one or two truly Christlike figures in the building, the gentle-voiced guitar-playing service project-organizing plainclothes priests: who are they to cast detentions? They're closet homos anyway. And homos, like Jesus, love sluts.

Goodbye To The Catholic School Skirt

"I just have a huge amount of frustration with guys," he told the Times. "They need to know that so much hurt can come from the lack of respect for women."

Dear Moe,

Here are some explanations of the conversation that I actually had with Randall, and the understanding that he surely had, but didn't present in writing. The main problem with the article is that it presents only the fact of sexual arousal and temptation, and says nothing about the degree. I carefully explained to Randall that almost all men in our culture live at a hyper-stimulated level of sexual arousal, fed by pornography, their own fantasy, advertising, women's fashion choices, etc. Almost everyone knows that men are "horny," but what they don't realize is that it's not a natural state. When you stop pouring gasoline on the fire, as it were, it goes down to a manageable level. Living a chaste lifestyle means not drooling over every attractive woman you see, fantasizing whenever something crosses your mind, and watching pornography. The sexual input is minimal, and so it is easy to live with it from day to day, so that you're not pulled around by your nose. It's an incredibly liberating and hopeful message for men, because they feel like they have no possibility of controlling their sexuality, when in reality it's entirely possible.

About the way that he manipulated the quotations from me: describing my lust as an "untamed beast" was a comment on the nature of lust itself, not the strength of my own. It's untamed precisely because it is lust, and if given free rein it considers nothing but its own gratification. It seeks to use another person to gain personal pleasure, which is why you have to take away constant fuel for it if you want to love and respect women for who they are, and not just how they turn you on. Also, the ways in which things like a touch, a glance, or a random thought can bring arousal is simply an observation about manners in which it can happen. The actual occurence of such stimulation goes down at the same rate as the willful input of lustful stimulation, and while such things (like a thought) may occur regularly, they rarely bring any arousal at all if you learn to let go of them and ignore them—like a fly buzzing around. Basically, it's not a huge deal! I'm frustrated that Randall didn't make any of this clear, because I said all of this to him, and more. It would have been easy for him to pain a picture of me as someone who had fought a battle and emerged free, happy, and comfortable with his sexuality, but instead he makes me seem like a repressed weirdo. All this does is perpetuate the myth that men have no choice except to be horny, and if you act like I do then you'll go crazy and salivate at every little thing that crosses your path. Our culture so badly needs role models of the opposite lifestyle.

Oh, and on another note—Janie was laughing when she was asked about being attracted to me! Lol, we both found it a funny question, but he totally changed it in the article. And we weren't supposed to smile in the photos either—somebody commented on that, lol. They said that Janie and I should smile more and lighten up!

Everything above is what I wrote, so if you could write up something to append to your blog, I would be very grateful.

Peace,

Leo

The one great difference between them seemed to be in their experience of abstinence. Fredell was unaware of that gap. Whenever sexual urges struck, she told me, she was able to manage them by going on a long run and assumed that everyone should be able to do the same. "The biological drive can be overcome," she said. "It's not like it reaches a peak, and you have to go out and have sex."

"And you don't go down the street thinking you'd like to have sex with him, him, him and him?" I asked.

"No!" she said, abruptly. "Is that what men do?"

It seemed a good time to talk with her about what else Keliher had told me. He described the act he has never experienced as something "breathtakingly powerful" that "lights all of your body on fire." He spoke of his lust as "this untamed beast."

Fredell was incredulous: "Leo said that?"

He told me that he struggles constantly against "physical lustful temptation" — that he can be aroused just by a woman's touch, by even a look at a woman or at a photo or sometimes by "thoughts that just come out of the blue — basically pornography in my head." They come to him when he's merely walking around campus, or even when he's alone in the library — "like a fly buzzing around."

To the matter of masturbation, he said, "This was really tough for me . . . because when you have a habit that's so deeply ingrained, it's hard to stop."

Fredell, when asked about masturbation, just said, "Oh, God, no!"

Keliher quoted to me what an abstinence speaker said — that the real meaning of masculinity is "being able to deny yourself for the sake of the woman." "To have that kind of self-control is really what it means to be a man," Keliher had told me. When he finds himself aroused these days, he endures it and waits for it to pass. In this way, he said he has "matured out of that more infantile need for a woman into a recognition of self-sufficiency." But some women, Keliher granted, continue to give him trouble.
One of these is a freshman — "a very gentle, caring soul," he said, who "works with little kids and stuff." Keliher can't help thinking about her glossy hair and beautiful skin.

Another appears to be Janie Fredell. Keliher smiled and said he was "a little bit" attracted to her — "in very superficial ways," he added. "It's something we laugh about — if we dated."

But Fredell did not laugh. "No!" she erupted, and with increasing volume, "No! No! No! I can't emphasize enough that there is nothing between me and Leo! It's just that we're not compatible in that regard."

Or actually, that is a lie, taking yourself too seriously is up there with "presumptuousness" when it comes to achieving things I guess, so what do I know; I'm still with Lena, for whatever it's worth.

Students Of Virginity [NY Times]

On dating mostly black men for the majority of her adult life (from her 40s on):

I think because I liked Barry so much and he was Jamaican, it gave me a predisposition to like black men: I'm sure the sex would have been just as good if he had been a white man. But it would have been less likely to happen because there are jolly few white men who are particularly attracted to a white woman of my then age, who's not particularly glamorous.

We ate an omelette and went to bed together, without — as I remember it — much excitement on either side.

Any time anyone fell in love with me, it was very funny — I used to instantly despise them. I felt like Groucho Marx saying he wouldn't join a club that would have him.

I was lacking for most of my life in maternal instinct, but there was a short time when I got pregnant and wanted to have the baby. But I was amazed by how quickly I recovered from not having it. I was quite sad, but not unduly sad and I've thought about it very little since. I feel a little bit ashamed of that.

It's a bit like not being able to drink any more. When I began to realise that alcohol made me feel ill, which it did, I thought: 'Oh God, imagine going to a party and not being able to drink!' But if you don't actually want it, then you don't really miss it. And it's much the same thing with sex.

Heavens, to take a pill to help you...if it's not spontaneous, what's the point?

And speaking of idiot college boys making ignorant comments, at a stand-up comedy competition at New Jersey's Monmouth University, more than one entrant thought rape jokes were hilarious. "The first comic told two rape jokes," reports Scienceblogs.com. "Another said he could never be a rapist because he likes to sleep after sex. Yet another said he would call his victim the next morning because he's such a nice guy... Later one of the competitors began his act by promising the audience that he wouldn't tell any rape jokes. He broke that promise two minutes later with a one-liner about using 'ropes and formaldehyde' to solve his romantic problems." Ugh. There's such a thing as crossing the line, even when you're "joking." These college boys took that line and peed all over it.

Yale Fraternity 1/23 [Fox 61 News — Scroll Down]
ndergraduate Men and Their Oh-So-Funny Rape Jokes [Scienceblogs.com]

Earlier: Yale University "Sluts" Strike Back At Sexist Frat Boys

OK, so here's the larger version of the ad for the men's room.

And this one's for the ladies.

So classy, how she's showing her G-string! It's all a little too reminiscent of the whole drunk-girls-from-Facebook thing. Right? Why was it necessary for the girl to be so sexualized for these ads? Was it supposed to further demonstrate her "bad character"? She drinks excessively and she's also a whore — clearly she's evil! Move over, sticker girl, I think I'm gonna vomit, too.

Puking Drunk Chicks Forced To Look At Puking Drunk Chick; Drunk Dude Forced To Try To Piss With A Hard-On. [Copyranter]

Earlier: 30 Reasons Girls Should Send Us Pictures of Their Drunken Dude Friends

Some people might sleep with multiple partners not because they are selfish but because they view sexual activity as an extremely warm activity and want to share it with others.

Eh, I still say I do it because it's just fun. And that would place me in the cold/distant category, which means, if you're like me, we "avoid serious relationships and the attendant risk of rejection," or we "just want to have as much fun as possible with no regard for the feelings of others." Yeah, that second one, I think. But really, it doesn't matter to me if I'm warm or cold, just as long as my partners are hot. (Ba dum bum.)

Promiscuity: Spread The Love [Psychology Today]

The researchers used a mathematical model to calculate the genetic advantages of polyandry for species where inbreeding is routine. They found that the genetic rewards are likely to be strong enough to compensate for the risks involved in taking extra mates

So this means we're supposed to be doing it with a whole bunch of dudes? Score! Of course, we're not really looking to breed with all of them (or any of them) but still, this news brings a little sunshine to our rainy Monday afternoon.

Females Promiscuous For The Sake Of Their Grandchildren [Science Daily]

And then blah blah 42 pages about other ethical stuff that isn't about sex. But dude, "Wal-Tart". We had to use it, right?

Fired Wal Mart executive claims ethics rules were violated [WSJ]
Earlier: Sluts of Corporate America Watch: Julie Roehm's Husband Even More Delusional Than Maria Bartiromo's!

1. Men are pretty much born with their sexual preference already determined. In fact, male homosexuality may be imprinted on a developing fetus by some sort of "maternal immune response" to multiple male pregnancies. (It's always mom's fault, isn't it?) In addition, women are total turn-on sluts!

Whether women describe themselves as straight or lesbian, "Their sexual arousal seems to be relatively indiscriminate — they get aroused by both male and female images," Dr. Bailey said. "I'm not even sure females have a sexual orientation. But they have sexual preferences. Women are very picky, and most choose to have sex with men."

2. Young people nowadays are more sexually active and not as moralistic as they used to be, but they still haven't been given proper sex education in high school.

3. Women are pickier than men when it comes to dating: They're less likely to date someone of another race, or a man who is shorter than them (unless, of course, he's loaded!) Also, Op-Ed columnist John Tierney knows a man who can't stand women with dirty elbows.

4. Scientists now believe sexual response starts in the body before it becomes conscious to the mind, often in response to subconscious stimuli. Men who are uninhibited about their sexuality are more likely to be turned on by images of sexual brutality. Many women use sex to raise their spirits. Oh, and again, women are total turn-on sluts!

Women's genitals, it seems, respond to all sex, all the time. Show a woman scenes of a man and a woman having sex, or two women having sex, or two men, or even two bonobos, Dr. Chivers said, and as a rule her genitals will become measurably congested and lubricated, although in many cases she may not be aware of the response.

Ask her what she thinks of the material viewed, however, and she will firmly declare that she like this scene, found that one repellent, and, frankly, the chimpanzee bit didn't do it for her at all.

5. A synthetic hormone developed to help prevent skin cancer by darkening pigmentation of the skin may be our best hope for a female Viagra. Tanned and horny? We can all be Paris Hilton!

6. Lastly, getting old is not a death-sentence for your sex life. Elderly people are even getting it on in nursing homes!

Pas De Deux Of Sexuality Is Written In The Genes
A Sociologist Of Sex, For the Benefit Of The Masses
Romantic Revulsion In The New Century: Flaw-O-Matic 2.0
Birds Do It. Bees Do It. Researchers Are Seeking The Keys To It
Search For The Female Equivalent of Viagra Is Helping To Keep Lab Rats Smiling
A Lively Libido Isn't Reserved For The Young [NYTimes]

Mike shrugged off rumors of a Julie-Sean affair; he'd faced similar rumors about himself earlier in his career. Mike hasn't read the lawsuit, but he's resolute: "Point blank, I asked Julie. I asked Sean. I know it wasn't going on."

A Sex Scandal At Wal-Mart [Newsweek]