I think the prejorative use of "slut" is less about sex than it is about normative behaviour. A slut is typically a woman who has sex with many people indiscriminately, which is a perceived sin for women. Spoils our bride price and all... But I have been called a slut by people who have no direct knowledge of my sexual history. They call me a slut because I don't care to conform to what's expected of me, or to be prudish, or to acquiesce to sex whenever with whoever. I choose my choices, and I'm independent... a slut in the eyes of many.
I have a boyfriend who is quite lovely and devoted to me, but in a previous life his sexual partners number in the triple digits. He's a total slut. My number is under 10, but one of those resulted in a baby. I would have been a slut because it sounds like fun, but got distracted by motherhood in my 20s. Recently, one of my boyfriend's douchebag friends was counseling him to dump me. Why? "Because she's a slut." Why am I slut? "Because she had a child out of wedlock."
Really? If a slut is an independent woman who opted out of a shotgun marriage to an unsuitable and inadequate man... Sign me up! I wish to be a slut.
I'm totally on the "take back the word" bandwagon.
Well, I mean.. if a girl is using it to describe herself with pride, that's awesome. If a girl is using it to describe a friend with props, that's cool, too. But 99% of the time, I'm hearing it being used by both males and females as an insult which just denotes judgment. I keep the word out of my vocabulary.
I think Tina Fey said it best in Mean Girls when she told the ladies, "You have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores; that just makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores."
And it's true. It's the same thing with the word bitch. The majority of people (and almost all men) are not paying you a compliment or even just saying some benign when they use that term.
You can only take the power away from something that's being said to you. So while groups of friends may have words and nicknames and jokes they use among each other, I don't think it's ever safe to say that generally, these terms can be used benignly.
Many years ago, Sarah "Sars" Bunting wrote this screed on the word "slut" for her website. I've always loved it. It's long and a little dated, but it's worth reading.
Also, I am going to be the last person to tell a teenager what a word should mean. I remember distinctly telling my father that "He-Man sucked!" and my father flipping out. Apparently the word "suck" was filthy and inappropriate. As was "tool" which I now hear used constantly. I thought my father was so old fashioned. I predict, regardless of how we feel, slut will gradually become ingrained in our speech, until eventually we are seeing "Slut Sized" bummpits and "Sluts Welcome" signs.
It reminds me of that My So-Called Life episode when Angela is left off the freshman girl list but Sharon gets named for her breasts and Ray-Ann gets named "Most Slut Potential." The idea of this list isn't new and the ways in which girls react to being either included or excluded seem pretty consistent. Angela was bummed to be left off, Sharon was mortified by the attention she got, and Ray-Ann was delighted.
If embracing slut means that it's not as hurtful, whether it's true or not, then great. But it's silly to think that lists like this won't happen--they'll just find new words to use to categorize.
As people have said, slut originated as a word with negative connotations. It was meant as an insult. I cannot imagine it being used in a positive context, but at this point I'm probably not a member of that generation.
I disagree with E.D. Hill because I think that women can and should have multiple partners if they want to - without the social stigma that their male peers are instantly exempt from. In fact, the idea that a female with multiple partners is such a bad thing is a big reason why the word slut originated in the first place, and why I hate the term.
@LovelyHue: to be fair, i think the real issue is that it's teenagers using the term. nobody would bother to mention this if we were talking about twenty or thirty somethings.
I think that women can and should have multiple partners if they want to - without the social stigma that their male peers are instantly exempt from.
furthermore, teenage males shouldn't be exempt from the social stigma of multiple partners, either. and if we're talking about the issue of teenagers in general using the word slut liberally, then it should be applied equally. but we don't live in a vaccum. and the term is not applied to men. so here we are.
I should also add that the reason girls may have been unhappy to have not been on the list is simple, at that age, girls are pretty much programmed (I would argue beyond that age, actually) to place their worth in their sexuality/attractiveness. That needs to change. In this case it's a situation of "no press is bad press."
that's really perceptive, i agree with you about that viewpoint. to not be on the list, to these girls, meant they didn't make the "hottie" list. only the hot girls make the slut list!
@msAnthrope: Well, I can put myself in that place, you know? I don't think I would have wanted to be on the list, but when you're entering high school the hierarchies are weird and fucked up. I am really tying this back to the discussion we had the other day about sexualizing young women and how it impacts older women. The plain fact is that we're socialized at a very young age in this way.
On the flip side, I do think that the list was created as a way to marginalize the "competition." I can even remember, although I didn't care so much, feeling like old news as a senior, by the time all the "fresh meat" came in. Most senior girls were already moving onto college boys (university town). In that way, as people have said before, I think they probably DID target the more attractive girls and girls who developed early (which can be incredibly damaging) because they would have been getting most of the attention from boys.
@msAnthrope: Yeah, and as an alumna of this high school said below, seniors make this list to say who the prettiest and wealthiest freshmen are. "YES they think I am pretty!" has to be a big part of wanting to be on the list. And frankly learning that makes me think the seniors are doing it in a total mean girls way: they want to acknowledge that the freshmen girls have a social advantage in their grade by virtue of being pretty and rich, but they're still asserting their own social power by labeling them with a name that (in the dominant paradigm) is pejorative. Plus the factor of their age is a little squicky. Freshmen in high school are fourteen years old, which is younger than the age of consent for sexual activity everywhere in the United States (according to a wiki map).
@Penny: ha, i remember when i started high school, there was no formal "slut list," instead your name and "is a SLUT!" would suddenly appear scrawled in the girls' bathroom stall. i later found the only criteria for this list was if a girl had bigger breasts than considered normal for that age. so that's how i wound up with my name on the wall of the bathroom stall!
@kithkin: seniors make this list to say who the prettiest and wealthiest freshmen are. "YES they think I am pretty!" has to be a big part of wanting to be on the list.
@rednrowdy: Right. Am I misunderstanding you? Slut in this context has very little to do with sex and almost everything to do with social power and control (just like most insults IMO). And that's not a good thing, either.
@Penny: but if it's degrading the girls labelled as 'sluts', it's not working, since the freshmen girls are happy to be on the list. so what gives?
granted, using the word at all isn't a compliment, but does it somehow negate it when girls are doing the naming instead of guys? or not? would these freshmen girls feel differently if a bunch of guys were compiling the list?
@rednrowdy: No, I think it IS still degrading, just because some of the freshman girls would be bummed to be on this list doesn't take away from that. If guys were to create a list, I assume it would be "hottest" or who they would want to have sex with.
I think people like E.D. Hill should question why girls are so eager to be labeled as "sluts." Is it perhaps because the alternative you give them (being a chaste, pure virgin who would never ever even think of such bad things as sex!) just isn't really all that appealing?
If you don't want girls to take up the "slut" label, then give them more options besides just that and "virgin." When their options are so limited, don't be surprised when girls are willing to let go of your respect and admiration in favor of the more fun option. Girls just wanna have fun, after all.
@Erda: There are other labels in high school that you can take up. Why take up a label if you don't want to anyway? I'm pretty sure there are plenty of girls (I was one of them) who weren't interested in the "slut" label because they had other preoccupations (work, homework, clubs, etc.). Aren't we just limiting ourselves by saying you can only be one of two things a "slut" or a "virgin." I never defined myself (and plenty of other girls didn't either) in those terms while in high school. We didn't have time to.
@Evie Havok: I know there are other labels girls can take up in high school; I was known by neither label, for one. But with regard to women's sexuality, society gives us two options - virgin and whore. People like Hill want us to be the former, and I wonder if they've thought about whether the reason girls would be rather be the latter is because of being good and saintly and virginal comes at the price of a healthy sexuality.
A few things....and I am really only responding to this because I just got a livid IM from a friend about this post.
The word "slut" cannot be compared to words like "n-----" or any other racial insult, because the insult originates from behaviors or alleged behaviors. The reclaiming of words such as this is always interesting, but in this case the "power" of this word is a bit ambiguous. Your girlfriend calling you a "slut" in jest is one thing, but this list that was compiled is quite another.
There is also no comparing "slut" to "stud" in my opinion, because "stud" originated with positive meaning, while "slut" originated from the opposite. And, you can't spin semantics in a vacuum, the plain fact is that women are viewed as sexual beings differently than men (see: rape culture, as we've been talking about).
I call myself and my friends whores all the time, so it's not like I can judge. However, I am a 29 year old woman, not a 15 year old girl. And these are my friends, not strangers. I think the conversation about "reclaiming" the word is pretty much bogus.
@Penny: I agree with you that "reclaiming" is bogus. But I do think that there is a comparison with other pejoratives like "retard" and "gay" (as in "that's so.."). When used as a pejorative, it's meant to inflict shame and insult.
@mama_t: Yes, I should clarify that comparing to, say, "fag" would be more appropriate. I just saw below that people were comparing it to racial insults, which I don't think is accurate.
Listen, the problem is not with the word "slut" and who's using it on whom, and in what context. The problem is that we don't have MORE pejorative words for dudes. Asshole, jerk and dick aren't just going to cut it. We need to even this out. There are far too many words to put women down and far too few for women to use.
So either we create some new words (equal opportunity!) or everyone in the world needs to just being reasonable and kind.
@rixatrix: There is so much potential here! How about guys who never have sex with the same girl more than 3 times because they're incapable of forming lasting relationships, but instead snidely blame it on the quality of the girls they hook up with? Let's call them... snicks. (Snide dicks)
@Valkyrie607: And dudes who talk a big game like they know what's going on, and then you find out they don't know your clit from the ceiling. Let's call them Kanye.
I think the word prude has become ten times more caustic and hurtful than the word slut these days. Imagine someone compiling a list of the high school's top ten biggest prudes?
Either way, imo, it sucks.
This really reminds me of the "cunt" debate--and I don't want to turn this comment into a rehash of it, just pointing out a similarity--and I don't like either word. Even the most progressive, open minded, liberal, sex-positive among us often wind up using these words as pejoratives, even while claiming to use them in a positive way. "I use cunt to mean something awesome!" often devolves into "UGH that lady at the post office was SUCH a CUNT!" and I can see "Oh, yeah, I call my best friends 'slut' and I'm a slut too, what's wrong with that?" turning into "That slut stole my boyfriend." Even people who embrace the words as part of a feminist +/o sex positive worldview often wind up slipping into using them in the societally dominant way, so I can't get behind this. It's just too easy to muck it up.
I don't really know how I feel about this whole reclaimation of insults thing. I guess I'm still out on the fence about it because I think that the subversion of oppressive controls is a pretty fucking righteous resistance tactic, but I have yet to see any of these so-called reclamations actually re-define the word or AT ALL deter its use in the original context.
but i do use the word slut so i might not have much of soapbox to stand on. but the way that i like to use the word slut has nothing to do with sex. i say dumb stuff like "oh my god, im such a slut for chubby hubby" or some other self-indulgent treat.
@KATE!: So you use to imply a lack of control. Which isn't so far off from the definition of a promiscuous woman (who lacks control). As I said below, I use it all the time in the most egalitarian of manners. I don't care if you are fat/thin, prude/sexy, young/old, man/woman you will most likely, as some point, be called slut by me.
@Vivelafat says Sweep the leg, Johnny.:
i dont think i mean to use it in that sense (because it implies that an indulgence is something be controlled and restrained) but more in the sense that i am ALWAYS WILLING to eat some chubby hubby cause i love it so much. which, obviously, isnt that far from another variation of the conventional usage either.
09/23/09
I have a boyfriend who is quite lovely and devoted to me, but in a previous life his sexual partners number in the triple digits. He's a total slut. My number is under 10, but one of those resulted in a baby. I would have been a slut because it sounds like fun, but got distracted by motherhood in my 20s. Recently, one of my boyfriend's douchebag friends was counseling him to dump me. Why? "Because she's a slut." Why am I slut? "Because she had a child out of wedlock."
Really? If a slut is an independent woman who opted out of a shotgun marriage to an unsuitable and inadequate man... Sign me up! I wish to be a slut.
I'm totally on the "take back the word" bandwagon.
09/23/09
09/23/09
And it's true. It's the same thing with the word bitch. The majority of people (and almost all men) are not paying you a compliment or even just saying some benign when they use that term.
You can only take the power away from something that's being said to you. So while groups of friends may have words and nicknames and jokes they use among each other, I don't think it's ever safe to say that generally, these terms can be used benignly.
09/23/09
[tomatonation.com]
09/23/09
09/23/09
If embracing slut means that it's not as hurtful, whether it's true or not, then great. But it's silly to think that lists like this won't happen--they'll just find new words to use to categorize.
09/23/09
09/23/09
I disagree with E.D. Hill because I think that women can and should have multiple partners if they want to - without the social stigma that their male peers are instantly exempt from. In fact, the idea that a female with multiple partners is such a bad thing is a big reason why the word slut originated in the first place, and why I hate the term.
09/23/09
I think that women can and should have multiple partners if they want to - without the social stigma that their male peers are instantly exempt from.
furthermore, teenage males shouldn't be exempt from the social stigma of multiple partners, either. and if we're talking about the issue of teenagers in general using the word slut liberally, then it should be applied equally. but we don't live in a vaccum. and the term is not applied to men. so here we are.
09/23/09
09/23/09
that's really perceptive, i agree with you about that viewpoint. to not be on the list, to these girls, meant they didn't make the "hottie" list. only the hot girls make the slut list!
09/23/09
On the flip side, I do think that the list was created as a way to marginalize the "competition." I can even remember, although I didn't care so much, feeling like old news as a senior, by the time all the "fresh meat" came in. Most senior girls were already moving onto college boys (university town). In that way, as people have said before, I think they probably DID target the more attractive girls and girls who developed early (which can be incredibly damaging) because they would have been getting most of the attention from boys.
09/23/09
09/23/09
09/23/09
but the interesting kicker is that it's other teenage women deciding which girl is hot - not men. or am i getting this whole story wrong?
09/23/09
the key part is in bold. right there.
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09/23/09
09/23/09
granted, using the word at all isn't a compliment, but does it somehow negate it when girls are doing the naming instead of guys? or not? would these freshmen girls feel differently if a bunch of guys were compiling the list?
09/23/09
09/23/09
If you don't want girls to take up the "slut" label, then give them more options besides just that and "virgin." When their options are so limited, don't be surprised when girls are willing to let go of your respect and admiration in favor of the more fun option. Girls just wanna have fun, after all.
09/23/09
09/23/09
09/23/09
The word "slut" cannot be compared to words like "n-----" or any other racial insult, because the insult originates from behaviors or alleged behaviors. The reclaiming of words such as this is always interesting, but in this case the "power" of this word is a bit ambiguous. Your girlfriend calling you a "slut" in jest is one thing, but this list that was compiled is quite another.
There is also no comparing "slut" to "stud" in my opinion, because "stud" originated with positive meaning, while "slut" originated from the opposite. And, you can't spin semantics in a vacuum, the plain fact is that women are viewed as sexual beings differently than men (see: rape culture, as we've been talking about).
I call myself and my friends whores all the time, so it's not like I can judge. However, I am a 29 year old woman, not a 15 year old girl. And these are my friends, not strangers. I think the conversation about "reclaiming" the word is pretty much bogus.
09/23/09
09/23/09
09/23/09
So either we create some new words (equal opportunity!) or everyone in the world needs to just being reasonable and kind.
09/23/09
09/23/09
09/23/09
09/23/09
09/23/09
09/23/09
Either way, imo, it sucks.
09/23/09
09/23/09
but i do use the word slut so i might not have much of soapbox to stand on. but the way that i like to use the word slut has nothing to do with sex. i say dumb stuff like "oh my god, im such a slut for chubby hubby" or some other self-indulgent treat.
09/23/09
09/23/09
i dont think i mean to use it in that sense (because it implies that an indulgence is something be controlled and restrained) but more in the sense that i am ALWAYS WILLING to eat some chubby hubby cause i love it so much. which, obviously, isnt that far from another variation of the conventional usage either.